10.01.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene I. The Library in Nostalgia. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, KAY and RED, all covered in bits of BALKLINE, have entered through a secret passage that was hidden behind a huge shelf that they have just pushed over. Sitting at a desk here is EVELYN HULL, the librarian.]

Evelyn: Sh!

10.01.002

Kay: [hurt and dazed] Ow....tell me at least we got the prophecy...


;;;not sure how hurt, since I don't have an actual character sheet

with stats and hitpoints and stuff. Or equipment. Or skills.

10.01.003

Alice: We got the prophecy.

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Charlie: [Disgustedly wiping bits of Balkine from her face and arms] Indeed, but we should really remove it from Monster Clint's hand before it begins to decay and smell. [Thinks a moment and adds] Worse, that is.

--001a1135ea102431a804fb289e71

10.01.005

Last from heather 4

to decay and smell. [Thinks a moment and adds] Worse, that is.

Alice: I know! Any worse and it'll smell almost as bad as Clint!

10.01.006

Kay: Good! Let's get out of here then, to someplace that has a bath! [she brushes her clothes and hair] And medical supplies.

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Charlie: Indeed, we should wash up but then move on! We must protect the prophecy. [To Evelyn] Have you a washroom?

--001a11336a2e6d7c8f04fb29a65a

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Evelyn: Sh!

Alice: Look out, Dur! It's a wave! Ssssssssh!

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Charlie: Close your eyes and think of the Realms!

--047d7bea346843095b04fb2ad766

10.01.010


;;; Tom is away this week

Clint: Oh, leave him alone! Doc, I think your unholy demon horde saved us all. If the man wants to stay covered in Balkline bits, then let him, I say!

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Charlie: [Firmly] He must be hosed down, at the very least. It will allow us to travel slightly more inconspicuously.

--001a1136bf1843a3d604fb2d17c5

10.01.012

Alice: [To Clint] Are you -- are you eating Balkline bits off Dur?

Clint: Just the ribs!

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Charlie: [Disgusted] Do stop that! [Reconsiders] Although you ARE rather tidying him up, so carry on, but do hurry.

--047d7b5d9b5d05c68f04fb656168

10.01.014

Kay: [finds a washroom to get cleaned up] So who can help us decyphering the prophecy? Charlie's mom? The Professor?

10.01.015

Alice: If only there was some place with lots of books that could help us figure it out?

Evelyn: Like the library?

Alice: Sure don't, think it's boring.

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Charlie: [To Evelyn, blissfully] Where is your ancient languages section?!

--047d7b3a81e8be021f04fb677ab9

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10.01.018

Alice: Yeesh, Dur, I wish you'd pay more attention. [Absent mindedly plucks a well done rib from Dur's back] Mm! These are really tasty!

Evelyn: Of course we do! [Points out a sarcophagus] See that really scary looking sarcophagus?

10.01.019

Clint: [Considerately handing some ribs to Dur.] Yeah. Where's the ancient languages section, though?

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Charlie: [Eagerly] Yes, is that the ancient languages entrance? How delightful! [Heads for the sarcophagus]

--001a1136bf18c8871b04fb685798

10.01.020

Evelyn: It's just beyond it, but I was hoping you would walk me past the sarcophagus. On account of it being so very scary and all. Honestly, sometimes I think I can hear noises coming from it.

10.01.021

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Evelyn: It's *scary*! And it's not like it's been going on for years!

10.01.023

Kay: How long has it been going on, then?

10.01.023

Clint: [Nods.] Of course not. When did it start? [Goes to investigate the sarcophagus.]

10.01.024

Evelyn: A few days.


;;; Dom is away

Austin: Ever since your colleague disappeared, eh?

Evelyn: [Indignantly] No!

Austin: [Smugly] Sh.

[The sarcophagus is about ten feet long and fairly ornate. There are no audible noises coming from it.]

10.01.025

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[No answer.]

Alice: Well! Another adventure sorted. The mystery of the noise in the library has been solved!

10.01.027

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Clint: Coming right up! [Goes to open the sarcophagus up, which presumably will require more than just his door-kicking boot.]

10.01.029

[The sarcophagus creaks loudly.]

Evelyn: Sh!

[The sarcophagus creaks quietly and opens. There is a demonic looking creature in here, PANSE RAYDER, who sits up, yawns and stretches.]

Panse: Gooooood morning!

10.01.030

Kay: Not again.... [eyes the demon suspiciously] Who're you?

10.01.031

Last from Toril 30

Panse: The name's Rayser. Panse Rayder. [Opens his shirt to reveal a large collection of spoons] Let me introduce you to my little friends.=20=

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large collection of spoons] Let me introduce you to my little friends.

Charlie: [Addressing the spoons] Hello, little friends! Aren't you shiny? [To Panse, as if addressing a simpleton] Hello, spoon-friend! Could we get a bowl of porridge for you and your friends?

--001a1133ddf8ce066104fb78f93d

10.01.033

Kay: I think it's a trick. I think there are no spoons.

10.01.033

Panse: Sure thing! [Pulls out a spoon and savagely stabs Charlie in the stomach with it] The Abyss is coming!


;;; Charlie lose a massive 28hp!

;;;

;;; Here's the up to date hp page:

<P><a href=http://queens-view.com/hp.php>Hit Points</A>

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Charlie: [Gasps and grabs her stomach in agony, falling back] No! The baby!!

--001a1133ddf80ec11104fb795696

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Kay: [gasps and tries to help Charlie away from the demon] Baby? More babies? [tries to stop the bleeding]

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Charlie: [To Kay, moaning] Just one! [Worriedly] I hope!

--001a113304acf0fbe004fb7ac65f

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;;; Toril, forgot to say, YES, both Charlie and Dur are (or were!)

;;; pregnant. : D

--001a1135e18caf8f3b04fb7acbe8

10.01.037

Panse: Not for much longer!

Alice: [Draws her sword and swings at Panse] Get the hell back!

Evelyn: Sh! This is still a library!

10.01.038

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healing spell on Charlie]

Charlie: Thank you, Dur! [Attacks Panse, holding her stomach protectively] You dreadful creature! How dare you attack a pregnant woman in such a brutal way!

--001a1136bf186000b804fb7b6ff1

10.01.040

Alice: A library? I always thought it would be something scarier, like a murder of monsters, or a scare of monsters! [Swings at Panse, catching him on the leg as he leaps up and out of the sarcophagus]


;;; Charlie gain 12hp

Panse: [Landing behind the party] How *should* I attack a pregnant woman? A spoon is hardly brutal, is it?

10.01.041

Kay: [to Panse] It's dull, you twit! It will hurt more! [attacks him with her sword]

10.01.042

[KAY slashes PANSE with her sword, gashing him on the thigh.]


;;; Lose 10hp Panse

Panse: Ow! That hurt -- does that mean you're dull too? [Parries a slash of Alice's sword with a spoon]

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Charlie: [Grimacing in pain] I can assure you, the spoon is a rather effective weapon! [Tries to stab Panse]

--047d7b3434b0dab95804fb7c7945

10.01.044

Clint: [Goes to cut Panse down with his sword and/or smell.] Maybe you should learn how to fight with a pen, Sarge. I hear they're mightier than the sword!

10.01.045

Panse: You know, I'm detecting a lot of hostility in this supermarket. [Parries Charlie's blow, but takes a hit from Clint, only to send a spoon flying at him like a ninja star, cutting deep into Clint's shoulder]

[Each of ALICE and KAY also attack, both landing blows, while AUSTIN pops out from behind the cover of a shelf of particularly thick books and fires off two shots with his sling.]


;;; Clint lose 22hp, Panse loses 30hp

10.01.046

Clint: Look, you, this is a library, not a supermarket! Even I can tell the difference! [Continues to do what Clint does best, aside from reek and kick down doors.]

10.01.047

Panse: A library? A library? [Shouts] A library? Oh my freaking Abyss! Now I'm really pissed! I hate libraries!

[Once again, everyone lays into PANSE, landing multiple hits on him, before he falls to the ground, lifeless and covered in blood.]

10.01.048

Clint: You know, he wasn't that bad! For an evil spoon-wearing freak, anyway.


;;; and that's my three.

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anyway.

Charlie: [To Clint, worriedly rubbing her stomach] Speak for yourself!

--20cf3071c7f2f0dfa504fb7e22c0

10.01.049

Alice: And he did hate libraries.

Austin: [Coming out from his hiding place, reading a book] You should read more, Alice. You would be surprised at the gold you can find in these wondrous tomes.

10.01.050

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10.01.051

Clint: If you were happily sleeping in a sarcophagus dreaming about sandwiches and some jerk woke you up and you found out you were in a library, you'd be mad too!

10.01.052

[PANSE's eyes shoot open.]

Panse: [Conversationally] I wasn't mad, I was just surprised. And maybe a little miffed.

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Charlie: [Gasps] Chop off his head! [Tries to decapitate Panse]

--bcaec548a66d5500b604fb8c7b8a

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Red: [Pops up randomly from between some shelves reading an ancient tome=2Clooks up] Wow=2C what happened here? I saw this book and read it for a few= minutes and you find something else that needs beheading?=20 3B=3B=3B Pretty sure that it took quite some more time than a few minutes=2C but that's the point =3B)=0A=

--_e09a9fd8-5b1c-4ede-8af8-d9ad70248800_

10.01.055

Kay: [tries to remove all the remaining spoons while Charlie does the decaptitating] Take away his cutlery!


;;;will probably not be posting much today, lost my godmother last night.

10.01.056

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Charlie: [Swinging her sword at Panse's neck] Let's make sure he does not return to life this time!


;;; So sorry for your loss, Toril.

--001a11337ec867f45704fb8da5d3

10.01.057

Panse: [Flips over backwards to avoid Charlie and Toril, landing on his feet] They always go for the neck! Now, about this library business. Library?


;;; Sorry to hear this, Toril.

10.01.058

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10.01.058


;;;thank you, all. She wasn't family, but as close as an aunt, and

although contact had been sparse for the last few years, it still hits

you. I'm alright though.

On Wed, Jun 11, 2014 at 2:49 PM, Day, Kevin R (Irving) USA

10.01.059

Panse: No, I want to read a really boring book about the history of wallpaper.

Alice: Section 27, Shelf 3, Book 36.

Panse: Thanks!

[In a blur, PANSE disappears, racing off towards a shelf.]

Alice: [Sniggers] Fooled him! That was a book I spotted earlier about the history of insurance!

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feet] They always go for the neck! Now, about this library business.

Charlie: [To Panse] Don't you lay a hand on these books!

--001a1133ddf88f860304fb8faa0b

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Alice: Of course it won't!

[Time passes.]

Austin: Why not?

Alice: Look, that's not important right now. What is important is who on earth is he?

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Evelyn: It's been here for hundreds of years, as far as I know. What did he say? He was here for the Abyss?

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Charlie: [Tries to take a quick sketch of the sarcophagus. To the party] Perhaps we should escape while we can?

--047d7b6763b2d1eb3c04fb906a79

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Austin: Someone should see if there's anything else in there. [Steps back]

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Red: Indeed! [Looks at the outside and tries to find something] 3B=3B=3B Can I detect magic as magic user?=3B=3B=3B If is can=2C and do=2CI stay put. If I can't or don't I get in and investigate =

--_18f127e5-1d6d-4a89-bd9f-1aaa14410f46_

10.01.067

[Just as RED bends down to examine the outside, PANSE sits up from inside the sarcophagus (yes, he was last seen heading towards the books), holding a book.]

Panse: Did you know that the first recorded instance of insurance was in Didyaknowa in 347?


;;; Poor Red doesn't even get a chance!

10.01.067

Clint: Hey, if you guys wants to research this prophecy thing, this is the place to do it. Just do it quickly before anyone else pops up and tries to kill us!

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the place to do it. Just do it quickly before anyone else pops up and tries to kill us!

Charlie: [Steps away from Panse, protecting her stomach] How did you get back inside there?!

--047d7b342eacf9ccaf04fb921d82

10.01.069

Panse: I nipped back in while you guys were asking all those important questions, like how did he get here? Where did the sarcophagus come from? And why is that devilishly handsome fellow so eerily familiar?

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Charlie: And WHY did he attack my baby?!

--047d7b67676e99336b04fb9f8350

10.01.071

Kay: And why do they keep coming back to life?

10.01.072

Panse: Oh! Oh! I have one! And why does he think we'll be crushed by a whole bunch of falling book shelves?

10.01.073

Kay: [shouts] Everyone out of the way! [dashes away from possibly falling bookshelves]

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Red: ["Action hero" jumps to the nearest table and rolls under it. To Panse] Noooooo=2C not the books! =

--_193847df-877e-4ae2-b98d-56dd42490a82_

10.01.074

Austin: [Also diving under the table with Red] Is it sturdy enough?

[Everyone else takes cover.]

Panse: Although, that last question doesn't really make any sense, does it?

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Red: [annoyed grunt. Continues investigating the sarcophagus] --_725948df-c765-4277-a114-74eddfe923f5_

10.01.076

Panse: [Still sitting in the sarcophagus, watching Red approach] Now, that's just rude. [Leaps out and grabs Red in a headlock] This one is pretty puny, isn't he? I sure hope I don't accidentally snap his neck.

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Charlie: [Leaps to Red's defense] Unhand him at once! Let us discuss our situation calmly, rather than resorting to further violence!

--001a1133997406964404fba18408

10.01.078

Panse: Sure. I'm here to dig that baby out your stomach with a spoon, and I'll kill anyone who gets in the way.

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Kay: Why? What's with the baby?

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0A=0A=

Red: And what's with the headlock? =0A=

--_8bce8e0c-8200-4f26-b658-cc40db06072a_

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Charlie: [To Panse, enraged] You will do no such thing! [Pulls her sword to defend herself]

--001a1133182cf49d8304fba38598

10.01.081

Panse: [Shrugs] Don't like babies. [To Red] I'd considered the testicle lock, but we've only just met. It's easier to keep you still while I'm taunting you all before you die.

10.01.082

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM4MQ0KDQo+UGFuc2U6IFtTaHJ1Z3NdIERvbid0IGxpa2UgYmFiaWVz LiBbVG8gUmVkXSBJJ2QgY29uc2lkZXJlZCB0aGUgdGVzdGljbGUgbG9jaywgYnV0IHdlJ3ZlIG9u bHkganVzdCBtZXQuIEl0J3MgZWFzaWVyIHRvIGtlZXAgeW91IHN0aWxsIHdoaWxlIEknbSB0YXVu dGluZyB5b3UgYWxsID5iZWZvcmUgeW91IGRpZS4NCg0KRHVyOiBEbyB3ZSBoYXZlIHRvIGRpZSBy aWdodCBub3c/IE91ciBzY2hlZHVsZSBpcyBraW5kYSBwYWNrZWQuIA0K

10.01.083

Panse: Oh, no prob. You can all head away. [Menacingly points at spoon at Charlie] Except for her.

Austin: As legal counsel for this party I insist you desist from this aggressive and unwelcome behaviour. The law is on our side.

Panse: The Abyss is on my side.

10.01.084

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Charlie: [To Panse, sword ready] What do you mean by The Abyss? To whom--or what--are you referring when you use that term?

--047d7bdc06c287543b04fba48e26


;;; sorry for the silence, we a moving hospital and everything has

gotten chotic. ;;; Back Tuesday.

10.01.085

Clint: I hope he doesn't mean your daughter or something!

10.01.086

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Charlie: [Sharply] Wilhelmina is NOT an abyss!

--047d7b3a81e8b67e1f04fba4dd4f

10.01.087

Panse: She's right.

Alice: So Wilhelmina really isn't the abyss?

Panse: No, Wilhelmina really IS the Abyss. She's just not an abyss.

[A voice comes from the sarcophagus, and everyone turns to see PESTILENCE, sitting inside.]

Pestilence: Who the hell is this freakshow?

10.01.088

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Charlie: [To Pestilence, relieved] Hello, darling! [Points at Panse] This creature tried to murder our child [gestures to her wounded stomach] and is calling our other child The Abyss!

--bcaec548a7a37efa5904fba50502

10.01.088

Clint: He's just some freakshow who was sitting in a sarcophagus and tried to kill Chuck's new kid. With a spoon.

10.01.089

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Red: And is a very aggressive hugger=2C if I may add. --_f1901aa5-0810-4f3b-80d5-11669b212f62_

10.01.090

Austin : [Distastefully] And he has no respect for the law. [Flicks a bit of Balkline from his overalls]

10.01.091

Clint: Personally, that's the one thing I like about him! That and he hates libraries, so he can't be all bad.

10.01.091

Panse: [To Red] Hey! I'm just trying to be close to you!

[PESTILENCE takes on a murderous look and stalks towards PANSE.]

Pestilence: I'm going remove your eyes with one of the spoons. Through your ass.

Panse: Yeesh. Then I guess this means you won't be giving away Wilhelmina. [Dramatic pause] At our wedding.

Alice: [Looks from Panse to Pestilence, both whom, it must be noted, have the same taste in make up] You know, they do say that girls always marry their fathers!

10.01.092

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Charlie: [Aghast] Do be serious! [To Panse] Wilhelmina is a mere child. How dare you toy with her heart like some [sputtering] spoon!

--047d7b2e54b8ba6f9904fba58004

10.01.093

Alice: And do you really think she'll marry you if you kill her parents? I mean, what kind of loser would do that!


;;; Present company excepted, of course!

10.01.094

Clint: Only a really desperate loser, I think. Or someone who doesn't like her parents!


;;; Poor Charlie.

10.01.095
10.01.096

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Charlie: [To Kay] Goodness no! And Pestilence isn't a demon anymore. Now he's an angel! [To the others] And Will DOES like us. She is just a bit confused.


;;; Yeeesh, you marry one demon, and suddenly everyone thinks your

;;; personal life is a big joke! ; )

--001a11c24e1831253f04fba5f1af

10.01.097

Pestilence: [To Panse] I'm going to remove your skin using one of those spoons.

Panse: Look. Will is going to marry whoever kills that baby. It might as well be someone who'll fit into the family, right? I mean, come on, am I Petsy Junior, or what? You probably don't remember, but you signed a poster for me once.

Pestilence: [Irritated] I signed hundreds of those!

10.01.097

Clint: [Nods.] Yeah. Charlie regularly breeds with *a* demon. That's entirely a different thing!


;;; There's also the raising an emo "Mommie was away all the time so

now I'm going to destroy the world"

;;; kid angle to consider! =)

10.01.098

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entirely a different thing!

Charlie: [To Clint, with a sniff] Well, he IS my husband, after all! [To Panse, coldly] And you must be terribly mistaken, you strange, off-putting little man! Wilhelmina would never wish harm to her little unborn sibling!


;;; Sure, blame the mother!

--001a11c2c1d24f8b1b04fba6b2af

10.01.099

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2C off-putting little man! Wilhelmina would never wish harm to her littleunborn sibling!

Red: [Confused] Wait=2C who is Wilhelmina. [Thinks] Also=2C do we want to attack Panse more? I got this arm=2C you take the rest? [Bit scared] Just do= n't chop me in the process!

3B=3B=3B Que queen: "MAMMAaaaaaah" --_d74e3e58-0e5c-489f-816c-b1f849ae612a_

10.01.100

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attack Panse more? I got this arm, you take the rest? [Bit scared] Just don't chop me in the process!

Charlie: [To Red] Wilhelmina is our daughter. And, yes, we DO wish to attack this dreadful creature, but do let us first determine what he knows about Will. We have been trying to find her for some time now!

--001a1133182c695d5804fbb43911

10.01.100

Austin : [Checks his perfect nails] Wilhelmina is Charlie and Pestilence's daughter, from when Pestilence was a demon. Their current unborn is likely to cause Wilhelmina so problems, since the unborn was conceived when Pestilence was an angel, I believe. [Glances at Panse] And yes, we should kill Panse and anyone else who tries to harm Charlie and her baby.

10.01.101

Alice: Don't worry, Red. Pestilence will easily kill him! Isn't that right? He's going to cut you into tiny pieces with a spoon, Panse!

Pestilence: About that.... there's this whole tilting balance thing if I help you guys, so, how about this instead?

[PESTILENCE and CHARLIE disappear.]

Alice: Er, that's a bit awkward, isn't it?

10.01.102

Austin : [Looks suprised] Is that not still helping? [Looks at Panse] Oh. [Shuffles behind the others]

10.01.103

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Red: [Shocked] Wait=2C why are they gone... it's my head in the balance right now! =

--_7c1c48f5-9730-40e6-9761-d167db22bef2_

10.01.104

Panse: [Sheepishly] In-laws, am I right? You know, I really have nothing personal against you guys. It's just that Will wanted you all dead, so I guess I'll just have to kill you all.

Alice: Wait! You should kill us!

Panse: Why?

Alice: [Turns to the others] Go on, tell him! Tell him why he'd be ca-razy to try to kill us!

10.01.105

[Time passes.]

Panse: You know, you guys aren't really making a great case.

10.01.106

Austin : [To the party] Allow me to negociate with this second party. [To Panse] You should not kill us or cause us any further harm or distress, as Wilhemena is merely going through a phase. As part of growing up, this aforementioned phase, can and will end, in the natural order of things, and, when aforementioned phase ends ,she will be very very upset if she caused us all to be killed. As a perfectly normal reaction to this, I would expect her to seek revenge or equilibrium of some form, most likely in the form of the death of the one who killed us, in the immediate instance, with respect to the current situation that would be you.

10.01.107

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxMDYNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFtUbyB0aGUgcGFydHldIEFsbG93IG1l IHRvIG5lZ29jaWF0ZSB3aXRoIHRoaXMgc2Vjb25kIHBhcnR5LiBbVG8gUGFuc2VdIFlvdSBzaG91 bGQgbm90IGtpbGwgdXMgb3IgY2F1c2UgdXMgYW55IGZ1cnRoZXIgaGFybSBvciBkaXN0cmVzcywg YXMgV2lsaGVtZW5hIGlzIG1lcmVseSBnb2luZyB0aHJvdWdoIGEgcGhhc2UuIEFzIHBhcnQgb2Yg Pmdyb3dpbmcgdXAsIHRoaXMgYWZvcmVtZW50aW9uZWQgcGhhc2UsIGNhbiBhbmQgd2lsbCBlbmQs IGluIHRoZSBuYXR1cmFsIG9yZGVyIG9mIHRoaW5ncywgYW5kLCB3aGVuIGFmb3JlbWVudGlvbmVk IHBoYXNlIGVuZHMgLHNoZSB3aWxsIGJlIHZlcnkgdmVyeSB1cHNldCBpZiBzaGUgY2F1c2VkIHVz IGFsbCB0byBiZSBraWxsZWQuIEFzIGEgcGVyZmVjdGx5ID5ub3JtYWwgcmVhY3Rpb24gdG8gdGhp cywgSSB3b3VsZCBleHBlY3QgaGVyIHRvIHNlZWsgcmV2ZW5nZSBvciBlcXVpbGlicml1bSBvZiBz b21lIGZvcm0sIG1vc3QgbGlrZWx5IGluIHRoZSBmb3JtIG9mIHRoZSBkZWF0aCBvZiB0aGUgb25l IHdobyBraWxsZWQgdXMsIGluIHRoZSBpbW1lZGlhdGUgaW5zdGFuY2UsIHdpdGggcmVzcGVjdCB0 byB0aGUgPmN1cnJlbnQgc2l0dWF0aW9uIHRoYXQgd291bGQgYmUgeW91Lg0KDQpEdXI6IEkgdGhv dWdodCB3ZSB3ZXJlIHRyeWluZyB0byBjb252aW5jZSBoaW0gTk9UIHRvIGtpbGwgdXM/DQo

10.01.108

Alice: Maybe we should get him to convince us to like HIM? After all, we are friends with his soon-to-be inlaws!

10.01.109

Kay: Oh, I've got one! You should not kill us because murder is bad!

10.01.110

Panse: Gee, now that you put it like that, I guess I really should let you all go. I'm sorry.

[There's a sudden flash of light, and CHARLIE appears, no longer pregnant.]

10.01.110

Clint: Also, we're in a library!

10.01.111

Austin : [Looks at Charlie suprised] Time travel?

10.01.112

Alice: If it is, Aus, then there must be awful hairdressers in the future! Zing!

Panse: Hey! This is a hostage situation, you know!

10.01.112

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Charlie: [Beaming] Pestilence took me to another dimension, where I could give birth in safety! [Super-excited, passing around enormous stacks of photos] Look, we have another daughter, Persephone!


;;; The pictures are of a rosy-cheeked infant.

--001a1133d7ea65b81904fbb905e0

10.01.113

Alice: We can look at pictures of the baby later, Charlie! Red is in a hostage situation! [Winks to the others] Let's distract her, we mightn't have to look at them then!

10.01.113

Clint: When she grows up, in a few short months, will she try to save the world, do you think?

10.01.114

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Charlie: [To Clint] Do be serious, she is merely a child! [To Panse] Where is Wilhelmina?!

--001a1133d7ea58faf504fbb92e9f

10.01.114

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Red: [Agreeing] Indeed! I cannot see the pictures from here. [Winks at party=2C to Parse] Do you mind moving to the pictures? =

--_f97d40a0-8b3e-4e3b-a42f-69c33393a31f_

10.01.115

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Clint: [To Panse, enticingly.] It's a cute kid, and the Abyss might quite like to know what her baby sister looks like so she can, I dunno, do Abyss-like things to her!

--------------090206060001010903070108

10.01.116

Panse: [To Red] Sure, but you've got to promise to put in a good word for me with the mother-in-law! [Shuffles across the floor with Red, somehow managing to not break his neck]


;;; No posting tomorrow! Back to normal on Tuesday!

10.01.116


;;;I'm out on Tuesday

10.01.116

Austin : [Considers this] That might be nicer than sister-ly like things!

10.01.117

Panse: Hey, good idea -- if she knows what the sister looks like, it'll make it easier to kill her!

[Lets go of RED and grabs a photo from CHARLIE.]

Panse: Yoink!

10.01.118

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Charlie: [Horrified] She will NOT kill her! [To Panse] Take me to Wilhelmina at once. I really must speak to her about these peculiar notions she seems to be spreading about wishing harm to her family.

--001a11336a8eb79d7704fc061cd2

10.01.119

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Charlie: [Horrified] She will NOT kill her! [To Panse] Take me to Wilhelmina at once. I really must speak to her about these peculiar notions she se= ems to be spreading about wishing harm to her family. Red: [To Panse] Now you've done it! [Scared look on his face] Hell has no fury like a mothers punishment!=0A=

--_5650af20-b5b0-4786-8407-70f8120a6468_

10.01.120

Panse: Will's punishment is MUCH worse! [Races off at high speed]

Alice: Uh oh!

10.01.121

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Charlie: [Races after Panse] Hurry, group! We must find her and get her to see reason!

--e89a8f2355af913a0804fc084a42

10.01.122

Alice: Let's go! Go! Go! [To the others] But not too fast, in case we catch him!

[The party dash after PANSE, but there is no sign.]

Alice: Maybe it's for the best, we could probably do with a bit of a break.

[There's a sudden and deafening bang, which knocks everyone to the ground, unconscious.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up.

10.02.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene II. The Library. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, KAY and RED are here, slowly coming to. The massive bang they heard earlier was caused by the appearance of a Reveal, just inches away from where they were standing. Most of the library has disappeared with it, and the party can see that several Reveals have appeared throughout Nostalgia, which, until just a short while ago, was unusually well preserved.]

Alice: [Jumps up and dusts herself off, with her back to the carnage] See? That's all we needed; a bit of a rest!

10.01.122

Austin : [Racing from the rear] I urge caution! History is not littered with accounts of negociations with megalomaniacs that favoured the plaintiff!

10.02.002

Clint: Not to state the obvious, but we should do something about all these Reveals before they eat us by mistake!

10.02.003

Alice: What do you mean? [Looks behind her and sees how close she is to the Reveal] Yikes! This is a getting a bit out of hand, isn't it?

10.02.004

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMzDQoNCj5BbGljZTogV2hhdCBkbyB5b3UgbWVhbj8gW0xvb2tzIGJl aGluZCBoZXIgYW5kIHNlZXMgaG93IGNsb3NlIHNoZSBpcyB0byB0aGUgUmV2ZWFsXSBZaWtlcyEg VGhpcyBpcyBhIGdldHRpbmcgYSBiaXQgb3V0IG9mIGhhbmQsIGlzbid0IGl0Pw0KDQpEdXI6IEJ1 dCBob3cgZG8geW91IHN1Z2dlc3Qgd2UgZ28gYWJvdXQgZml4aW5nIHRoZW0/DQo

10.02.005

Austin : I doubt if Wilhemenia will respond to the usual parental control options.

10.02.006

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Charlie: [Nods] Indeed, I certainly cannot take away her library or laboratory privileges as I was sometimes forced to do when she was younger!

--bcaec548a7a32003d204fc09d8d7

10.02.007

Alice: Maybe we should track down Finley? He seemed to be an expert in the Reveals.

10.02.008

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Charlie: [Reluctantly] I suppose so, but I do hope Wilhelmina is not quite as angry as that silly boyfriend of hers seems to think she is! [Brightens] Oh, perhaps Alistair will have some thoughts on the prophecy!

--20cf307d00faf964e804fc09fb75

10.02.009

Alice: So, is it just me, or did that silly boyfriend of hers remind anybody of anyone else?


;;; I'm just sayin'....

10.02.010

Clint: Now that you mention it, Bimbo, the kid's got daddy issues!


;;; I suppose now is a week or so too late to mention that by the way,

the world cup is rather conflicting

;;; prime posting hours for me. Sorry!

10.02.011

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Charlie: [To Clint, with a sniff] I am quite sure I don't know what you mean. Neither Pestilence nor I have ever seen that horrid boy before.

--047d7b4503beee8f1104fc17beb5

10.02.012

Kay: Are you sure they're not related?

10.02.013

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Charlie: [Outraged] You cannot be serious. [Swoons] Pestilence is handsome and dashing and simply wonderful. [Annoyed] And that boy is a pasty, spoon-wielding fool!

--001a1135e2a8e926e504fc17db25

10.02.014

Clint: But a spoon-wielding fool who's trying his pasty best to look like your... uh... handsome, dashing, no longer homicidal husband!

10.02.015

Alice: I think it's kind of cute, Charlie. Lots of girls try to marry their father -- not me, of course. [To Kay] My husband was a dictator who terrorised his people.


;;; As those who met Alice's father will attest, her husband was

actually slightly nicer than her father!

10.02.016

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Charlie: Certainly, there is some truth to that. Pestilence was just as heroic and noble as MY father, after all. But that was completely different!


;;; Also not true, newbies! The night of their wedding, Pestilence

;;; hacked Charlie's father to death with an axe for hurting her feelings.

;;; Yeah, it's kinda complicated!

--001a11c1be70402e1e04fc1930da

10.02.017

Alice: But what did Pesty say about Will? Is she The Abyss?

10.02.018

Kay: That's what he said. The Abyss. Is she doing this? [Points at the reveals]

10.02.019

Alice: We think she is, but Charlie is in denial!

10.02.020

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Charlie: I am NOT in denial. And Pestilence agrees with me. Will couldn't be The Abyss. She's just a confused young girl who needs her parents. [Claps her hands] Now, let us find Dr. Finley and see what he has learned about the reveals. Chop chop!

--089e01182c3e230c9404fc1b3edc

10.02.021

Austin : And the Baceks. Don't forget them. Perhaps Amelia knows something about them, and the prophecy too.

10.02.022

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjMjENCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IEFuZCB0aGUgQmFjZWtzLiBEb24ndCBmb3Jn ZXQgdGhlbS4gUGVyaGFwcyBBbWVsaWEga25vd3Mgc29tZXRoaW5nIGFib3V0IHRoZW0sIGFuZCB0 aGUgcHJvcGhlY3kgdG9vLg0KDQpEdXI6IFllYWgsIHRoYXQgc3R1ZmZ5IG9sZCBicm9hZCBrbm93 cyBhbG1vc3QgYXMgbXVjaCBhcyBDaGFybGllIQ0K

10.02.023

Austin : She is not at all stuffy! She is much nicer than you ever will be [Sticks his tongue out at Dur]

10.02.024

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Charlie: [To Austin] But everyone loves Dur! [Pats Dur's head and hands him a copper piece] Though he is a bit confused about how much more I know than Amelia. [Helpfully] Much MUCH more. About many, many more subjects!

--001a11c29502df68d404fc1c80f1

10.02.025

Alice: Do you know where Finley is? Or where my blue socks are?

10.02.026

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Charlie: As I have told you hundreds of times, your blue socks are where you left them--on the heads of my cats, Sergeants Snufflepuss and Howlizter! [Sighs] As for Alistair, I am not sure. Perhaps we could try the sanctuary where we left him?

--047d7b3434b004aa2504fc1d1777

10.02.026

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zter! [Sighs] As for Alistair=2C I am not sure. Perhaps we could try the sanctuary where we left him? Red: Doc. Alistairr send me to find you guys and help you find the prophecy. I can lead you back where I last found him. =3B=3B=3B Is our dear librarian alive? 3B=3B=3B Also=2C football craze is crazy here after the Netherlands slaughtered Spain=0A=

--_5f8220b7-fbd9-47a0-8b94-0f78a8b8bdde_

10.02.027

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zter! [Sighs] As for Alistair=2C I am not sure. Perhaps we could try the sanctuary where we left him? Red: Doc. Alistairr send me to find you guys and help you find the prophecy. I can lead you back where I last found him. =3B=3B=3B Is our dear librarian alive? 3B=3B=3B Also=2C football craze is crazy here after the Netherlands slaughtered Spain=0A=

--_d03cd916-a807-479e-9691-e1ee0165ae9d_

10.02.028

Alice: Good idea, Red -- as long as we don't have to deal with those HARMA idiots outside the gate. [To Austin] No offence.

[There is no sign of the librarian, but the place where her desk should be has been taken in by the Reveal.]

10.02.029

Austin : [To Alice] Non taken. Most, nearly all of them are idiots, however, Amelia is not.

10.02.030

Alice: Then what is she?

[A voice booms out, coming through a megaphone.]

Voice: Lay down your books and come out with your hands up!

10.02.031

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Charlie: [Gasps] What a horrid suggestion! Quickly, group! Let us try to sneak out the back.

--001a11c21fc0efa28404fc2c91c1

10.02.032

Last from heather 31

Alice: Maybe they're trying to do us a favour?

10.02.033

Austin : [Smirking] Maybe they have icecream and chocolates for you? Lets sneak out the back.

10.02.034

Kay: [looks around for a back door] Could we get out through Balkline's Chamber?

10.02.035

Alice: If there are chocolates involved, why would we sneak out?

[In spite of the possibility of chocolate, the party head towards the back of the library where they find an emergency exit. Written on it is "WARNING: Only for use in an emergency. A (quiet) alarm will sound."]

10.02.036

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Charlie: Well, I hope this sign is accurate! [Pushes the exit door]

--047d7bdc06c2e2ac9a04fc307851

10.02.037

[An absolutely deafening alarm sounds, causing everyone to block their ears. The door swings open to reveal AMELIA, standing with a dozen HARMA officers.]

Amelia: So, I see you [is drowned out by the alarm]

Alice: What?

Amelia: What?

10.02.038

Austin : [Closes the door behind the party hoping that it will stop the alarm] Hello. [Smiles]

10.02.039

Amelia: What?

Alice: [Starts talking but can't be heard] Blah blah...

[Mercifully, the noise stops.]

Alice: ...bitch. Oops!

Amelia: What did you say?

Alice: What did YOU say? [Winks to the party] That always catches them!

Amelia: I said that you're all under arrest.


;;; And there we will pause until next Wednesday!

10.02.040

Alice: No! YOU'RE under arrest!


;;; And we're back! We're on US time (GMT-6) for the next two months

10.02.041

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Red: So=2C more people we know? 3B=3B=3B GMT-6=2C darn=2C that's a difference :o --_54e62e3e-7b6e-4440-bbcd-3b0bd7e2b151_

10.02.042

Austin : One or two.

10.02.043

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Charlie: [Indignant] On what charges?!

--bcaec547cbb7a41d9904fca720d1

10.02.044

Amelia: Wanton destruction of a library, for one!

Alice: I wouldn't say we were wantin' it, it just happened!


;;; Toril is out today

Kay: [Lowly to the others] Let's get the hell out of here.

10.02.045

Austin : The library was clearly destroyed by reveals, not us. Do you have any real charges?

10.02.046

Clint: [Helpfully, to the party.] I can think of a few we could add... Resisting arrest, anyone?

10.02.047

Amelia: Interfering with official investigations, obstructing HARMA officers in the course of their duty, the destruction of Queens View. The list goes on. Tell us where The Books are, and we may overlook the matters.

10.02.048

Austin : Firstly, I have no record that HARMA, nor have I seen any such record, or reference that HARMA is or has any official capacity that has been ratified, certified, devolved or delegated by the current or previous governments. As such any such claimed 'obstruction' is irrelevant. The claim that we destroyed or were somehow involved in the claimed destruction of Queensview needs to be backed up by some form of evidence before an arrest can be made. Since these are the 'best' of charges from your "list" we suspect that the rest are just as imaginary and ficticious, or worse. Any books that you might wish to read are in the library, or were in the library, before the reveals, that is.

10.02.049

Amelia: [Yawns] Your assertions about irrelevant claims are irrelevant. Further, these are not the [finger quotes] best charges, rather the ones I imagined you to find the easiest to understand. So, you claim to have seen The Books in the library? Or is this simply another time wasting activity to try and distract us?

Alice: [To Kay] I think they're flirting.

Kay: Oh dear God. I hope not.

10.02.050

Austin : We did not claim to have seen 'The Books', we said that there were 'some books', in the library, which is hardly surprising, it is what libraries are for, after all. You are very very easily distracted, and it is you that is wasting our time, we did not initiate this farcical arrest situation.

10.02.051

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Charlie: [Helpfully] Could you describe these books? That would really help narrow it down.

--047d7bf0d90250b8c504fcab9666

10.02.052

Amelia: Liar. You said that any books I wished to read were in the library. [To Charlie] These are [dramatically] The Books, the ancient tomes that foretell the future.

Alice: The books you stole from Deuce?

Amelia: They weren't his.

10.02.052

Clint: They were probably in the part of the library that got eaten by a reveal! [To Amelia.] You should really just find out where those go and get eaten by one yourself so you can follow it. I'm sure you'd find your way back from that. Eventually.

10.02.053

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM1Mg0KDQo+QW1lbGlhOiBMaWFyLiBZb3Ugc2FpZCB0aGF0IGFueSBi b29rcyBJIHdpc2hlZCB0byByZWFkIHdlcmUgaW4gdGhlIGxpYnJhcnkuIFtUbyBDaGFybGllXSBU aGVzZSBhcmUgW2RyYW1hdGljYWxseV0gVGhlIEJvb2tzLCB0aGUgYW5jaWVudCB0b21lcyB0aGF0 IGZvcmV0ZWxsIHRoZSA+ZnV0dXJlLg0KPg0KPkFsaWNlOiBUaGUgYm9va3MgeW91IHN0b2xlIGZy b20gRGV1Y2U/DQo+DQo+QW1lbGlhOiBUaGV5IHdlcmVuJ3QgaGlzLg0KDQpEdXI6IFdlcmUgdGhl eSB5b3Vycz8NCg

10.02.054

Amelia: Arrest them!

[The HARMA officers draw weapons and move menacingly away from the party.]

Amelia: You idiots!

[Rather sheepishly, the HARMA officers turn around and start moving menacingly towards the party.]

10.02.055

Austin : Mr Scar, parhaps it is time to show these gentlemen how you handle negociations.

10.02.056

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Charlie: [To the HARMA officers] I cannot understand why you are arresting US, and not that group of people at the bottom of the reveal. [To Austin] They appear to be burning Joe Nunpar in effigy down there!

--047d7b2e7bd8f27e6004fcba46f2

10.02.057

Austin :How shocking! [Sighs. Quietly to Charlie] Tell them to hurry up the practice run and get on with the real thing!

10.02.058

Amelia: Grab those dirty double crossers!

Alice: Is she talking to us?

Amelia: No, about you!

Alice: [Draws her sword and points it at one of the HARMA officers] Back off!

10.02.059

Austin : [Sighs, adoringly at Amelia] Isn't she wonderful!

10.02.060

Amelia: [To the officers] Arrest them. [Points at Austin] Except him. Kill him.

10.02.061

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Kill him.

Charlie: [To Austin] I think you might be back on the dating market! [To the party] Run, group! [Gets her sword out, ready to fight her way through]

--047d7b3a8f8427781804fcbc0ce3

10.02.062

Austin : [Agast at Amelia] What? Why?

10.02.063

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjNjINCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFtBZ2FzdCBhdCBBbWVsaWFdIFdoYXQ/IFdo eT8NCg0KRHVyOiBMb29rcyBsaWtlIHRoZSBob25leW1vb24ncyBvdmVyIEF1c3RpbiEgDQo

10.02.064

Amelia: You bastard! You stole the books from my hotel room!

Alice: Come on, Aus, let's go!

[Starts to run after CHARLIE, followed by KAY.]

10.02.065

Austin : [Anoyed. Indignantly, to Amelia] No, I did not! I have never had the books. [Looks very worried. To Amelia] It wasn't me, which is most concerning, and raises the question of who it really was?

10.02.066

[A HARMA officer stabs AUSTIN, and he staggers back against a wall.]


;;; Lose 8hp Aus

Amelia: [To Austin] You scumbag!

10.02.067

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM2Ng0KDQo+ICAgICAgIFtBIEhBUk1BIG9mZmljZXIgc3RhYnMgQVVT VElOLCBhbmQgaGUgc3RhZ2dlcnMgYmFjayBhZ2FpbnN0IGEgd2FsbC5dDQo+DQo+Ozs7IExvc2Ug OGhwIEF1cw0KPg0KPkFtZWxpYTogW1RvIEF1c3Rpbl0gWW91IHNjdW1iYWchDQoNCkR1cjogSSBk b24ndCB0aGluayB0aGV5IGJlbGlldmUgeW91IEF1c3RpbiENCg0KOzs7IGhvdyBtYW55IEhBUk1B IGFyZSB0aGVyZT8NCg

10.02.068


;;; Eight!

Alice: Yeesh, for once he's the one who won't run away! Come on, Aus! We're outnumbered!

10.02.069

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Charlie: [To Austin, encouragingly] Perhaps she is under some sort of enchantment or otherwise not herself! But we must hurry or we will never escape!

--bcaec548a7a39b8b0b04fcbe5416

10.02.070

Alice: [Clashes swords with the HARMA officer nearest Austin] I don't know, Charlie, she's behaving like a right bitch, so, you know, she seems herself!

10.02.071

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Charlie: [To Alice] Yes, but she did appear to like him before! [Grabs Austin's arm] Do come along, Mr. Sleaze! We can sort this out under safer conditions.

--089e0158ab1aa0972a04fcbf0e2e

10.02.070

Austin : [To Amelia, holding his wound] To think I believed in you! I trusted you! Never again! [Staggers away]


;;;awa hame

10.02.072

Clint: [Covering the party's retreat.] Don't worry about it, lawyer. Chicks, man, I tell ya!

10.02.073

Alice: Poor Aus! You know someone's in real trouble when Clint feels sorry for them!


;;; That's the saddest thing I've ever heard -- and I'm friends with Dur!!

10.02.073


;;; Just trying to do my part! =)

10.02.074

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Charlie: [Urgently] Indeed, we shall drown our sorrows in a stiff cup of tea at our earliest convenience, but now we must go!

--089e0139fe9e52801e04fccf42a3

10.02.075

Alice: Quickly! Down this sleazy looking dark alleyway -- Deucie often had to hide down them, hiding from baddies. [Muses] It's funny how often they contained strip clubs!

10.02.076

Austin : [Gravely wounded] I hope we get lucky this time!

10.02.077

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Red: I suggest more walking during the talking! [starts moving away towardsa sleazy alleyway] =

--_92897197-fee6-4c09-8bec-8522dee18b5a_

10.02.077

[The HARMA members charge, only to be caught up in a huge web shooting from RED's hands.]

Alice: Yay! Well done, Red! [Spots a door] Look! Let's get in there!

[The sign above the door says "Errol Grey's House of Teas - Back Entrance".]

10.02.078

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Entrance".]

Charlie: [Delighted] Wonderful! Just what Mr. Sleaze needs! [Rushes to open the door]

--047d7b5db99e93961404fcd05ff4

10.02.079

[The door, of course, is locked. A voice calls from the other side.]

Voice: What's the secret knock?

10.02.080

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Charlie: Oooh, can I have a hint? I do love puzzles!

--001a1135ea1029d96d04fcd13183

10.02.081

Voice: No.

Kay: Come on! They're getting out of that web!

10.02.082

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Charlie: [Knocks six times rapidly. Hopefully] Was that it?!

--047d7b34427abdd9dc04fcd18494

10.02.083

Voice: No. What is the secret knock?

10.02.084

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Charlie: [Tries three rapid knocks, followed by a pause, and then three more rapid knocks] How about that?!

--089e0129560c64037104fcd1936d

10.02.085

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzg0DQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbVHJpZXMgdGhyZWUgcmFwaWQga25v Y2tzLCBmb2xsb3dlZCBieSBhIHBhdXNlLCBhbmQgdGhlbiB0aHJlZSBtb3JlIHJhcGlkIGtub2Nr c10gSG93IGFib3V0IHRoYXQ/IQ0KDQpEdXI6IFtIb2xsZXJpbmcgdGhyb3VnaCB0aGUgZG9vcl0g VGhlIHNlY3JldCBrbm9jayBpcyBhIHNlY3JldCBvZiBjb3Vyc2UhIFBlcmhhcHMgd2Ugc2hvdWxk IGtlZXAgaXQgdGhhdCB3YXkgYW5kIHlvdSBqdXN0IGxldCB1cyBpbiBiYXNlZCBvbiB0cnVzdD8N Cg

10.02.086

Voice: [Irritatingly calm] Yes, but what is the secret knock?

Alice: Hang on, I think it's way more annoying than you might imagine. Is the secret knock the knock you give to be let in?

Voice: Yes.

[The door unlocks.]

10.02.087

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Charlie: [Beams at Alice] How wonderfully lucky we are to have someone in the group who can relate to the simple-minded! Well done, dear!

--bcaec548a7a3814e1104fcd1fd15

10.02.087

Austin : [Leaking blood everywhere, staggers dramatically into the tea shoppe] Alice, your genius knows no bounds!

10.02.088

Austin : [To Charlie] Where as you are far too intelligent to comprehend such simple thoughts! I believe that I require urgent medical assistance [Looks worried]

10.02.089

Alice: Aw, thanks Charlie! Come on, Aus. I'm sure some tea will freshen you right up!

[Enter ALL through the door.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

10.02.089

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Charlie: [Beams at Austin] Why, thank you, Mr. Sleaze! [Looks around] Is there a doctor in this establishment? [To Dur] Do run see if you can find one to aid Mr. Sleaze, and I'll give you a little treat.

--bcaec548a7a37087db04fcd21a90

10.03.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene III. Errol Grey's House of Tease. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, KAY and RED are here, having just rushed in the door, which is slammed and locked behind them. Scantily dressed maids flounce around serving tea, while a virtually naked girl on stage salaciously makes a pot of tea. At the door is a maid, CHAMOMILE and GAUL SOODMAN.]

Gaul: Welcome to Errol Grey's House of Tease!

Alice: I thought you were dead!

Gaul: [Laughs] Yeah, I get that a lot!

Alice: But you were stabbed through the neck!

Gaul: [Nods] Yeah, I get that a lot too!

10.03.002

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Charlie: [To Gaul, icily] You horrid man! You humiliated me in my divorce proceedings! [Pleasantly] But could you please assist us? Mr. Sleaze is gravely wounded.


;;; Out for the day.

--047d7b3a8f849a00c104fcd25006

10.03.003

Austin : [A little delirious] What a wonderful tea shoppe. Am I dead?


;;;; awa hame

10.03.004

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMzDQoNCj5BdXN0aW4gOiBbQSBsaXR0bGUgZGVsaXJpb3VzXSBXaGF0 IGEgd29uZGVyZnVsIHRlYSBzaG9wcGUuIEFtIEkgZGVhZD8NCg0KRHVyOiBJIGJldCBoZSdzIGZh a2luZyBpdC4uLiBbVHJpZXMgdG8gY2FzdCBhIGhlYWxpbmcgc3BlbGwgb24gQXVzdGluXQ0K

10.03.005


;;; Austin gains 7hp

Gaul: [Laughs at Austin] Oh no, my blood stained friend, although you are in heaven!

Alice: I thought this was a house of teas?

Gaul: That's what it says on my licence!

10.03.006

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Red: So you have some sidebusinesses going on here? Would any of those be medical in any way? Mr. Sleaze is not the only one that is hurt. [Looks at D= ur=2C Charlie and himself] And I could use some tea after this day. [To theparty] You guys are not easy to travel with=2C and knowing people who surv= ive multiple stabs to the neck.... a lot to learn I see.

3B=3B=3B Did we even sleep/pass into the next day since we met? =

--_960235a9-fc80-41fb-998a-24fb3b04b518_

10.03.007

Clint: Don't worry, the main thing you need to know is how to run away, hopefully while getting someone else blamed for your messes.

10.03.008

Gaul: [To Red] The name's Grey, Errol Grey! Come on in, the tea is fine. This is a safe place. [Points to a sign that says "No stabbings for [1] days".]

10.03.009

Austin : A remarkable achievement. I assume that does not include stabbing that happened just outside the premises?

10.03.010

Gaul: [Laughs] No! Just ones that were committed by or on staff members!

10.03.011

Austin : My, what a rigorus Health and Safety policy you must have.

10.03.012

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Charlie: [To Gaul, warily] So, what brings you to Nostalgia?


;;; Out for the day!

--001a11c24dfe69b2ee04fd0e5989

10.03.013

Gaul: A combination of a high paying client, the fact that until recently there had been no Reveals here, this little [waves his hand around vaguely] business of mine, and the best tea south of Inertia.

10.03.014

Clint: [Hopefully.] And a doctor on hand in case of stabbings?

10.03.015

Gaul: Not since last Friday.

10.03.016

Austin : Did he get head hunted?

10.03.017

Gaul: In a manner of speaking. One of the maids gouged out his eyes and fed them to a customer. Now, based on the panicked knocking and the amount of blood, I suspect you are in search of legal representation. Correct?

10.03.018

Austin : A few hundred body guards may be more appropriate!


;;;awa hame

10.03.019

Clint: Well, maybe we could slap HARMA with a gigantic lawsuit and stop them that way?

10.03.020

Gaul: We could certainly try. It depends on what they think you did.

Alice: We don't know! They just want to arrest us!

Gaul: Seems like fairly standard HARMA practice.

10.03.021

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMyMA0KDQo+R2F1bDogV2UgY291bGQgY2VydGFpbmx5IHRyeS4gSXQg ZGVwZW5kcyBvbiB3aGF0IHRoZXkgdGhpbmsgeW91IGRpZC4NCj4NCj5BbGljZTogV2UgZG9uJ3Qg a25vdyEgVGhleSBqdXN0IHdhbnQgdG8gYXJyZXN0IHVzIQ0KPg0KPkdhdWw6IFNlZW1zIGxpa2Ug ZmFpcmx5IHN0YW5kYXJkIEhBUk1BIHByYWN0aWNlLg0KDQpEdXI6IEhvcGVmdWxseSB0aGVyZSBp cyBhIGZhaXJseSBzdGFuZGFyZCBsZWdhbCBkZWZlbnNlIHRvIGl0IGFzIHdlbGw/IQ0K

10.03.022

Gaul: Of course! It generally involves running away screaming like little girls.

Alice: [Appalled] Like little girls?

Gaul: Sure do, I think they're neat. Uh, I mean, [speaks slowly and clearly] only when it's women of legal age dressed as little girls. [Sees the look of horror and disgust on the faces of the party] Or, you know, men, because I wouldn't want to discriminate, or anything. Hey, I'm not the one on trial here!

10.03.023

Clint: Well, you should be, you freak!

10.03.024

Gaul: Sure I should, but the fact that I'm not should speak volumes about what a great lawyer I am!

10.03.025

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Red: All illegal business ventures aside=2C we could use a break from HARMAto try and save the world. And I think that you=2C the businessman you are= 2C know how nice it is to have a world left to exploit. [Mutters under a cough] And maybe get a new doctor. =

--_aa2b7203-040d-4d33-96b7-adba86c7217e_

10.03.026

Alice: What about Dur?

[Everyone laughs.]

Alice: Hey! [Thinks] Yeah, fair enough! So, Aus. Want to drown your sorrows over some beer?

Gaul: Tea.

Alice: Tea. And watch a striptease?

Gaul: Strip Teas.

Alice: And maybe buy a souvenir t-shirt?

Gaul: Tea shirt.

10.03.027

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Red: This guy reminds me of a set of barmaids. All great with naming stuff. [Signs] But it is cri-TEA-cal that we can recover a bit and lose HARMA. =

--_2b78f5bd-a053-4d25-8122-baa5525ae931_

10.03.028

Austin : [To Gaul] Perhaps a fresh and spritely Mooloong tea, if you have such exotic wares?

10.03.029

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Charlie: Oh, wonderful! [To Gaul, primly] But we do not require strippers, of course.

--089e0122f736197f1f04fd20deed

10.03.030

Gaul: [To Austin] Not only do I have Mooloong tea, but it will be served to you by a saucy stripper named Mooloong. [Points them to a booth] I'll send the strippers and the tea over. [Looks up and down at Charlie's primness] Ever worn a maid's dress?

10.03.031

Austin : Not for long I expect.

10.03.032

Alice: Of course not, they're all so short and flouncy!

[Enter MOOLOONG, a maid with crazy eyes who's dress is covered in blood stains, carrying a tray of tea.]

Mooloong: Which one is Austin?

10.03.033

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Charlie: [To Moolong, gesturing to Austin] He's there. You can leave the tray and be on your way. [Claps her hands] Chop chop!

--047d7b3434b02a551504fd2251d8

10.03.033

Austin : [Dissapointed that he was not recognised] That would be me.

10.03.034

Mooloong: Oh no, this may take some time. [Takes out a teaspoon] Which eye will I start with?

10.03.035

Austin : I don't want my eyes removed! [Draws a dagger in self defense]

10.03.036

Gaul: [Trying to calm the situation down] Hey, hey! We're all friends here! What's going on? Mooie! Put the spoon down!

Mooloong: I thought you said to give him the treatment.

Gaul: I did! But I said the treatment, not the [winks] treatment.

Mooloong: Oh! [Smiles] Wow, that could have been really embarrassing. Sorry about that, Austin! [Licks her lips salaciously] Who's... thirsty?

10.03.037

Austin : [Cautiously] I believe Mr Dur is thirsty.

10.03.038

Clint: Yeeees, but I don't think tea is the answer there. At least not unless you can serve it in a puddle on the floor!

10.03.039

Gaul: [Gives Dur a nudge] I like your style, friend!

10.03.040

Kay: Is there really noone around that can help the injured? [starts looking through her backpack for anything useful] I do have some basic skills....


;;;sorry for the long absence, my husband had a transplant a week ago,

and I've been with him for 5 days, and is now going on vacation for a

couple of weeks.

10.03.041

Alice: Is anyone really that badly hurt? [Rubs Austin's arm] Other than a broken heart, of course?

10.03.042

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Charlie: [Looks around at the party] Indeed, I think we are all in a fairly bad state, as we had no time to rest after our bloody encounter with Will's horrible boyfriend!

--047d7b3a98d0246e1e04fd342b0c

10.03.043

Gaul: Of course, if you really were officially my clients, I could arrange something.

Alice: I thought Aus was our lawyer.

Gaul: You know the saying, a lawyer that represents himself has a fool for a client?

Alice: So if Austin is our lawyer, he has fools for client?

10.03.044

Austin : [To Gaul] What is your fee structure?

10.03.045

Gaul: It's horrendously complex and intricate. I think you'll approve. The general gist is that at some time, I'll need a favour from you. In return, I guarantee your safe delivery from here to the town of your choice, along with [holds up three fingers] three representations for any criminal accusations excepting those where some sexual perversions are involved.

Alice: What? So you don't represent people who are sexual perverts?

Gaul: On the contrary, those ones are free for my clients! [Hands Austin a huge stack of papers]

10.03.046

Austin : [Reading through the papers swiftly] Outrageous! Surley any municipal corporation may "Suppress and restrain disorderly houses and houses of ill fame". [Glances around] Ahh! I see, a potentially useful clause. [Shocked] What! The sates allodial titles are reserved to governments under a civil law structure? Surley that violates the monolpoies commision regulations? [Tuts. Shuffels through more papers] This is a desicration of the decomratic legal system [Tuts again, suffing further. To Gaul] Seems fair enough. [Gets out his gold plated engraved fountain pen]

10.03.047

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Charlie: What did you charge Pestilence for the divorce proceedings? [Muses] Though I suppose he felt no pressure to pay, after he'd stabbed you.

--047d7bdc06c212fbbe04fd366d35

10.03.048

Gaul: Oh no, a deal's a deal. He paid up. [Smiles to himself] Oh, he paid up.

10.03.049

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up.

Charlie: [Beams proudly] Even when he was a demon, he was an honorable demon! [To Gaul] Could you arrange some medical care for us at once? [Quickly] Preferably clothed medical help.

--20cf302ef54417f35b04fd36d6bd

10.03.050

Gaul: I do need everyone to sign, of course.

Alice: [After Austin has signed] Here you go! [Signs with a smiley face over the i in Alice]

10.03.050

Austin : So picky! [Tuts]

10.03.051

[KAY and DUR also sign, the latter with a surprisingly beautiful flowing script.]

Dur: What? Some of us are educated, you know!

10.03.052

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Charlie: [Also signing, to Gaul] We shall all need copies of this, naturally!

--bcaec52c637db7176b04fd372dca

10.03.053

Clint: [Reluctantly signs as well.] I'm not so sure about this, but...

10.03.054

Alice: That's not how you spell Clint!


;;; Yes, it is!

10.03.055

Clint: Now, that's not how *you* spell Clint!

10.03.056

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Charlie: [Looks at Alice's signature disapprovingly] You really should not add childish flourishes to your name if you wish to be treated as a professional. [Appraises Alice's outfit and clarifies] In the white-collar sense, not [finger quotes] fancy woman.

--089e0158ab1ae5f54404fd3867ac

10.03.057

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Charlie: [Looks at Alice's signature disapprovingly] You really should not add childish flourishes to your name if you wish to be treated as a profess= ional. [Appraises Alice's outfit and clarifies] In the white-collar sense=2C not [finger quotes] fancy woman. Red: Might as well join you [signs without reading in a handwriting only magic users and doctors can read] .=0A=

--_45df5d0a-927c-4c7f-899a-1f36f4c1857d_

10.03.058

Gaul: So, where do you folks want to go and what sort of charges do you want me to bring against HARMA?

10.03.059

Austin : Treason and crimes agains the realms, eight counts of assault with a deadly weapon, unlawful arrest, grievous bodily harm, psychological trauma, destruction of private property, anti social behaviour, disturbing the peace, impersonating officers of the law, wearing of offensive and inflammatory clothing and one count of attempted murder. [Checks his perfect nails. To the others] Anything else?

10.03.060

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Charlie: Well, it is terribly tempting, but how could we sue them when they make all of the rules now?! Surely they have made themselves lawsuit proof. [To Gaul] Have you ever tried to bring a suit against them?

--001a11c1e532f4752d04fd480ae5

10.03.061

Gaul: All the time! I've brought 63 different cases against them.

Alice: How many have you won?

Gaul: It's not the winning that counts, rather the amount of time they spend tied up in court.

Alice: So, none?

Gaul: Correct, but that's the same number I've lost! HARMA spend all their time making up these rules, it's like water off a duck's back. Unless we can sue them over something that no one else has, that's the best we can hope for.

10.03.062

Austin : [Ponders] Hmm, interesting. That reminds me of Jollywood versus the people, where the large multinational theatre company tried to sue the people of the realms for not attending the theatre often enough. We could sue HARMA for failing to serve us tea and cake, and neglecting to pay us for listening to their witless prattle, amongst other charges.

10.03.063

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Red: Or we could sue them for causing the reveals? Or at least hindering the "authority" dealing with it. =

--_b8c7dcbb-5e21-4720-a692-001d15687feb_

10.03.064

Dur: So our plan is to bury our foes in a mountain of paperwork?

10.03.065

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Charlie: Wonderful idea! Although likely they are perverse enough to actually enjoy drowning in paperwork!!

--001a11369764baa72504fd493f8f

10.03.066

Kay: As long as they're drowned, that's okay!

Alice: Why don't we sue them for breaking Austin's heart?

10.03.067

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Charlie: [Doubtfully] Perhaps, but wouldn't we first need to prove that lawyers HAVE hearts?


;;; Out for the day!

--001a11c24dfe3a382004fd49c819

10.03.068

Gaul: We've got loads of them! I have a whole cupboard full of them in the back.


;;; Also gone, and it's a holiday tomorrow, so no posting until Monday!

10.03.067

Austin : [Glumly] It would be the biggest compensation claim ever.

10.03.069

[CHAMOMILE approaches GAUL and whispers something.]

Gaul: [To the party] There's a man here who says he needs to talk to you, but, as your attorney, I advise you not to believe he's who he say he is.

10.03.070

Austin : We have been getting most accustomed to such an approach. Did he say what he wanted to talk about?

10.03.071

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Red: And what did he say his name was? --_3649b13d-9397-4841-898f-47139fb942ba_

10.03.072

Gaul: He said that his name is Austin Sleaze.

10.03.073

Austin : [Smirks] As if there could be two creatures so beautiful, in just one world. [Sighs dreamily]

10.03.074

Alice: Surely the world isn't large enough to fit two such enormous heads?

10.03.074

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Red: Another double... double double trouble is too much! --_e05d1c48-d513-4777-8ce5-f2f11f201108_

10.03.075


;;; Heather is away for the next few days

Charlie: Good lord! Is this another one created by Balkline?

Gaul: Ah, poor old Balkline. [To Chamomile] Bring me my hat so that I may put it on take it off as a sign of respect.

10.03.076

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM3NQ0KDQo+Q2hhcmxpZTogR29vZCBsb3JkISBJcyB0aGlzIGFub3Ro ZXIgb25lIGNyZWF0ZWQgYnkgQmFsa2xpbmU/DQo+DQo+R2F1bDogQWgsIHBvb3Igb2xkIEJhbGts aW5lLiBbVG8gQ2hhbW9taWxlXSBCcmluZyBtZSBteSBoYXQgc28gdGhhdCBJIG1heSBwdXQgaXQg b24gdGFrZSBpdCBvZmYgYXMgYSBzaWduIG9mIHJlc3BlY3QuDQoNCkR1cjogU28gdGhhdCB3b3Vs ZCBiZSBhIG5vPw0K

10.03.077

[GAUL holds up a hand to DUR, as CHAMOMILE momentarily disappears, before returning with a fancy looking Easter bonnet, which GAUL puts on.]

Gaul: Sigh. [Takes off his hat before looking sombrely at Dur] Yes.

10.03.078

Austin : [Puts on a clean shirt, trying to avoid any blood] I suppose it could be me from another time [To Gaul] Is he as beautiful as I am?

10.03.079

Gaul: No, he was a horrendous eyesore, but the best client I ever had, until someone killed him.

10.03.080

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10.03.081

Clint: Or a traveler from some horrible dystopian future or alternate reality!

10.03.082

Charlie: Which one is the eyesore? The new Austin or Balkline?

Gaul: Balkline! I haven't seen this new Austin.

Charlie: We killed Balkline!

Gaul: Oh? So YOU people killed one of my best clients? [Looks around at the party] The client is dead, long live the client!

10.03.083

Clint: Anyway, guys, let's just talk to this Sleaze person and find out what he wants. What's the worst that could happen?

10.03.084

Austin : So much natural beauty in one place could end the world?


;;;awa hame

10.03.085

Alice: He could be as obnoxious as our Aus, and then we'd be stuck with two of them?

10.03.086

Clint: Well, that's a chance we'll just have to take!

10.03.087

Gaul: [To Chamomile] Is he a ... [looks Austin up and down] devastatingly handsome man, with an impeccable taste in suits and what is, may I say, possibly the most darling shade of golden hair that it has ever been my pleasure, nay, my privilege, to be hold?

Chamomile: Uh, yes, but his shirt is a bit wrinkly.

10.03.088

Austin : Yes, well shirts can get a little wrinkly when you spend your life saving the world. [Sighs]

10.03.089

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjODgNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFllcywgd2VsbCBzaGlydHMgY2FuIGdldCBh IGxpdHRsZSB3cmlua2x5IHdoZW4geW91IHNwZW5kIHlvdXIgbGlmZSBzYXZpbmcgdGhlIHdvcmxk LltTaWdoc10NCg0KRHVyOiBUb28gYmFkIHdlIGRvbid0IGhhdmUgYSBmb3JtZXIgZHJ5IGNsZWFu aW5nIHdobyBsYWlkIGRvd24gaGlzIHN0ZWFtZXIgZm9yIGEgY2FyZWVyIGluIHNhdmluZyB0aGUg cmVhbG1zLCBlaCBBdXN0aW4/DQo

10.03.090

Alice: So, do we want to talk to this shabbily dressed interloper?

10.03.091

Austin : Of course we do!

10.03.092

Gaul: To the private rooms!

[Exit ALL, upstairs.]

10.04.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene IV. The Private Tea Rooms. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and RED enter a comfortable looking room, where a man who looks exactly the same as AUSTIN sits, sipping some tea. This is AUSTIN2.]

Austin2: Ah! Finally. I assume that there was much pointless debate, followed by Austin incisively taking charge of the situation?

10.04.002

Austin : Naturally. It would not be the Queens View party any other way. [Checks out Austin2]

10.04.003

Austin2: I know what you're thinking. You're wondering what flaw you can expose to prove that I'm not you. [Rolls up his sleeve] Can this be anything other than Maplin?

10.04.004

Austin : [Inspects Maplin2, and rolls up his sleeve to compare Maplin2 to Maplin] Hmm, [Inspects every fine detail] Good evidence, but far from comprehensive. Which me are you, and where do you claim to come from? WHat underwear am I wearing? When I met Demon Lucy, what was my first thought?


;;;; out a lot today, sorry!

10.04.005

Austin2: Future you. Red satin. This can't possibly be true. [Slight nod of the head] Nice call on that red satin underwear, by the way.

10.04.006

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM1DQoNCj5BdXN0aW4yOiBGdXR1cmUgeW91LiBSZWQgc2F0aW4uIFRo aXMgY2FuJ3QgcG9zc2libHkgYmUgdHJ1ZS4gW1NsaWdodCBub2Qgb2YgdGhlIGhlYWRdIE5pY2Ug Y2FsbCBvbiB0aGF0IHJlZCBzYXRpbiB1bmRlcndlYXIsIGJ5IHRoZSB3YXkuDQoNCkR1cjogW1dh dGNoaW5nIHRoZSB0d28gQXVzdGluJ3MgdGFsayBpbiBob3Jyb3JdIFRoaXMgaXMgY3JlZXB5IQ0K

10.04.007

Austin : So you are not me. I am wearing red [emphasis] silk, tiger striped, by Hugio Sucsozi. My first thought when I met demon Lucy, was "Don't make her angry, she'll be much worse than real Lucy, you could get badly hurt!". [Frowns at Austin2] So who are you really?

10.04.008

Austin2: [Smiles] Kudos. I would not believe that you were me had you not denied it. However, remember, I am you, so I remember this conversation from your side. And yes, Alice's roots do need refreshing.

10.04.009

Clint: [To Austin2.] Look, let's suppose you really are the lawyer, just for fun. What exactly do you want? We can sort out who you really are some other time!

10.04.010

Austin2: Ah, Mister Scar. As charming as ever. It was such a shame what happened to you.

10.04.011

On 9 July 2014 18:55, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> wrote:

Austin : So, what happens in the future, what incredible insights have you come to tell us?

10.04.012

Austin2: [Checks out his perfect nails] I've come to tell you how to save the world.

10.04.013

Austin : Of course I have. And how shall I save the world? [Sighs at his perfect nails]

10.04.014

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10.04.015

Austin2: Everyone, of course. I just expect that he's the only one who'll understand. [Looks at Austin's nails] I say, sir. Excellent show, excellent!

10.04.016

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10.04.017

Austin2: Good grooming is essential for all adventuring. However, I understand and expect that this is beyond you. We save the world by retrieving The Books from HARMA. [Looks Austin in the eye] It involves some... unpleasantness.

10.04.018

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10.04.019

Charlie: She is rather tiresome, it must be said!

Austin2: That is a rather tawdry way to put it, Dur, but yes, it does involve Amelia.


;;; Yes!

10.04.021

Austin : [Grimaces] What must I do?

10.04.022

Clint: [A little too enthusiastically.] Kick a door in, beat the crap out of the opposition, and come back a hero?

10.04.023

Austin : Hey, Alemia is my beloved! No one will be beating the crap out of her!


;;; awa hame

10.04.024

Charlie: Quite right! [Muses] Anyway, when we saw recently, it was clear that no one had beaten the [finger quotes] crap out of her, although she did seem quite miffed.

Austin2: Very soon we'll find a limited time travel device that will enable us to jump back into the past to take the books, and you, my rather attractive self, will need to distract Amelia.

Alice: Me?

[Both AUSTINs smirk at her naivete.]

Austin2: No.

10.04.025

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10.04.026

Alice: Not only that, but, because we'll break Amelia's heart, it'll be a win-win-win!

10.04.027

Clint: Not that I'm not all for breaking her heart, but she has to have one first!

10.04.027

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10.04.028

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Red: [Takes ones for the team and gives the high five] Now excuse me [walksto the bathroom while looking sadly at his=2C now moist=2C hand] . 3B=3B=3B Won't be posting tomorrow=2C marathon DnD game --_ea9c8b88-859f-40aa-8f5d-abdf7d9e842b_

10.04.029

Alice: [Wiping some of the splash off her face] Dur! Ew!


;;; No posting until July 21st!

10.04.030

Austin2: Of course, you may want to make some preparations.

10.04.031

Austin : Indeed [Makes some notes] Hot shower, manicure, pedicure, new suit, hair style, shirt, shoes and massage. [Ponders his list. To Austin2] Did I miss anything?


;;; I'll be on hols 2nd Aug - 12th Aug :)

10.04.032

Austin2: For grooming? Of course not. However, now might be a prudent time to consider some investments.

10.04.033

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Charlie: [Whips out a notepad, ready to write] Investments? In terms of good equipment to aid us in our quest? Go on!

--001a11369fa031294204feb415c6

10.04.034

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10.04.035

Austin2: [Chuckles] Even though I knew you'd make that suggestion Dur, I am still surprised.

Alice: Great! What are tonight's lottery numbers?

Austin2: 1 and 5,000,371.

10.04.036

Clint: Hey, that's not bad! I don't suppose you paid attention to sports gambling...

10.04.037

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gambling...

Charlie: [Still ready to write] And these investments?


;;; Out for the day!

--bcaec5196ffb7363da04feb50db3

10.04.038

Austin2: [Looks from Charlie to Clint, before addressing Austin] They really don't know us at all, do they?

10.04.039

Austin : It is surprising that they even put their rudimentary clothes on their hairy bodies.

10.04.040

Austin2: However, the quality of those clothes... well...

Alice: Yeeesh, how long is this guy going to be with us?

10.04.041

Clint: [A touch dangerously.] Not much longer now!

10.04.042

Austin2: Ah, Mister Scar. What a terrible shame it is to behold what happens to you. A terrible, terrible shame. So much gore.

10.04.055

[The door swings open, almost crushing GAUL. Enter two formidable looking nuns, SISTER MARY MARY and SISTER MARY MARIA.]

Mary: Which of you is Seamus Danger?


;;; Minor glitch with the NPC pics, but imagine two formidable nuns!

10.04.070

[Everyone leaps out the window, escaping the window. The nuns get to the window, but, alas, it is too high for them. They storm back through the tea room.]

Maria: [To Gaul] You are a filthy, perverted man.

Gaul: Ever wondered what it would be like to do the nasty with a filthy, perverted man?

Maria: How dare you! Sisters, I'll catch up, this one needs special attention!


;;; End of scene, next one coming up tomorrow!

10.04.066

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Charlie: To the streets, group! And do be careful to avoid any HARMA agents!! [Heads for the nearest exit]

--bcaec51d2f481dcfea04fedc3e7c

10.04.057

Mary: This is no laughing matter! [Pulls out a ruler and raps Charlie's knuckles with it]

Charlie: Ow! Control yourself!

10.04.060

Mary: Confess! Confess! It is good for the soul! [Cracks Clint across the head with her ruler]


;;; Lose 4hp Clint!

10.04.068

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Charlie: Oh, dear! What WILL you do for your afternoon Tea?! We cannot assist you, I'm afraid, but we wish you luck in resolving this dreadful problem. [Goes for the window]

--001a11c20cced025e704feddd894

10.04.058

Clint: You don't suppose that could be the sleazier of our two lawyers, do you?

10.04.061

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10.04.056

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Charlie: [Laughs] None of us! And that is clearly a false name, like Petrova Grenville-Dish! [To Dur, explaining] Petri Dish for short! [Howls with laughter]


;;; Out for the day!

--047d7b3a8ae61c4c3a04fec9f298

10.04.067

Gaul: Out the window, quickly! The tea room is filled with nuns -- those who aren't scolding the girls are drinking tea and eating all our cakes!

10.04.069

Clint: [Helpfully.] If I were you, I'd sue. Assuming you win, the publicity will be great for business! And if you don't, you can always try punching them in the nose!

10.04.063

Maria: [Slaps Dur with her rulers] For impregnating one of our member with your filthy seed!


;;; Lose 5hp Dur

Alice: [Draws a sword] Look, I went to a convent school -- so I actually enjoy hurting nuns, but we're too busy saving the world to deal with these idiots. Clint, surely you always wanted to punch a nun?

10.04.047

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10.04.059

Austin : No.

;;awa hame

10.04.046

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Charlie: [Urgently] Wait! Can't you tell us ANYTHING?! Maybe about the prophecy?

--bcaec51b12bd15b48904fec81a6f

10.04.048

Austin2: Of course not, they are inevitable.

[There's a knock on the door and GAUL enters.]

Gaul: Has any of you ever impregnated a nun?

[AUSTIN2 immediately leaps out a nearby window.]

10.04.043

Clint: Haw! Wouldn't wanna go out any other way!


;;; aaaaand off to bed.

10.04.065

Mary: How dare you! You shall burn in he-

[Bam! CLINT punches SISTER MARY MARY square in the nose.]

Gaul: You guys better get out of here! There are dozens of them in the tea room, hassling customers and trying to attach sheets to the girls' skirts!

10.04.049

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Charlie: [To Gaul, annoyed] Just when we were asking excellent, pertinent questions!

--bcaec51dd27f19d98504fec8c915

10.04.064

Clint: Who *hasn't* always wanted to punch a nun? [Punches a nun.] It's therapeutic! Good for the soul! We should all try it!

10.04.053

Alice: [Roars with laughter, but then stops] Oh, I see. You're being serious. [To Gaul] Are there any beautiful nuns --

Gaul: No.

Alice: You didn't let me finish. Are there any beautiful nuns outside?

Gaul: No. [Thinks] Although one is rather ... [smiles to himself]

10.04.050

Gaul: This is an excellent, pertinent and somewhat urgent question.

Alice: Well, I didn't! [Thinks] Unless... nah, nope, definitely not.

10.04.054

Clint: So what's all this about a pregnant nun? It wasn't us! For once.

10.04.051

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM1MA0KDQo+R2F1bDogVGhpcyBpcyBhbiBleGNlbGxlbnQsIHBlcnRp bmVudCBhbmQgc29tZXdoYXQgdXJnZW50IHF1ZXN0aW9uLg0KPg0KPkFsaWNlOiBXZWxsLCBJIGRp ZG4ndCEgW1RoaW5rc10gVW5sZXNzLi4uIG5haCwgbm9wZSwgZGVmaW5pdGVseSBub3QuDQoNCkR1 cjogUGVyaGFwcyBpdCB3YXMgdGhlIGZ1dHVyZSBBdXN0aW4gdGhhdCBkaWQgaXQuIEhlIGRpZCwg YWZ0ZXIgYWxsLCBiZWF0IGEgaGFzdHkgcmV0cmVhdCB3aGVuIHRoZSBxdWVzdGlvbiB3YXMgcG9z ZWQuIA0K

10.04.044

Austin : Out? We did not mention 'out'. Just 'gore'.

10.04.045

Austin2: I should leave before the gore starts. Austin, as always, a pleasure! Others, as always, mostly tolerable.

10.04.052

Austin : I think he was gone shortly after the word 'impregnated', I am not sure that he waited around long enough to hear the word 'nun'. [Ponders] Of course, it might have been a very, very, beautiful nun.

10.05.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene V. Outside the House of Tease. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT and DUR are here, having leapt from the upstairs window. Off to one side they can see a HARMA carriage, and, bearing down on them at high speed is another carriage with "St. Nostalgia's House of Prayer" written on the side.]

Alice: Oh no! We're all gonna die! Or worse, have to deal with more nuns!


;;; An old enemy has returned! Drew is back on the mailing list, so

please make sure he's on all

;;; mails from now on (doric.longhair@gmail.com)

10.05.002

Jordan: [Seeing the party having come out of the window, JORDAN brings the carriage to a skidding halt right beside them, leaving skid marks behind him. Opens the carriage door and yells at the party.] Don't just stand there looking like a herd of Nostalgian Dats! Get in!

10.05.003

Alice: Oh my god! Jordan's become a nun?

10.05.004

Austin : Gender and spiritual issues all sorted in one swift chop!


;;; welcome back drew!

10.05.005

Alice: [Slowly getting into the carriage] We're not going to... you know... have a bit of an old pray or anything, are we?

10.05.006

Jordan: [To Alice] Best to ask Austin that one sweet cheeks, he was the one that had me, shall we say. borrow this here carriage.

10.05.007

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Charlie: Hurry, group! We can worry about the spiritual ramifications later! [Hops in the carriage]


;;; Hey, Drew! : )

--bcaec51b12bddf8f8e04fef05382

10.05.008

Alice: Yeesh, Aus! Why didn't you tell us that Jordan was back?

10.05.009

Jordan: [Watches Charlie hop in and laughs] My my chuckles, that is quite a talent, though I imagine simply stepping in would have been far easier, you little show off! [To Austin] Yeah Austin, why didn't you tell my number 1 fan that I was back? Shame on you!


;;; Thanks guys! Glad to FINALLY be back after all these months away!

;;; I was having Queens View withdrawal hahaha

10.05.010

Alice: We haven't seen you since you abandoned us for some floozie! What's going on?

10.05.011

Jordan: Some floos- oh you mean my ex wife! Yeah, she turned out to be rather batty. Kept insisting I remarry her, and when I said no she threatened to kill me. Something is seriously wrong here with these people coming back from the dead. She was never this bad back when we were married. [To CLINT, DUR and AUSTIN] Come on, hurry up and get in!

10.05.012

Clint: [Gets in, nodding to Jordan.] Man, I hate it when they get all clingy. More when they're zombies!


;;; Welcome back, Drew!

10.05.013

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10.05.014

Clint: Yeah, but you just have to get a couple of them together so you can sneak off while they gossip about you and get drunk on wine coolers.

10.05.015

Alice: Sorry, Clint, but you can't really expect us to believe that there is more than one woman who let you interfere with her!

10.05.016

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Charlie: [To Alice, scolding] Now, dear, Mr. Scar might have had enough money saved up to hire TWO fancy ladies. Perhaps for Christmas or to celebrate a milestone birthday?

--001a113651d8efc5ef04fef2a566

10.05.017

Alice: I don't know, Charlie, define fancy. Are we talking big flouncy dresses and shopping accounts at Loomingdales? Or is it more that they each had in excess of two teeth and less than five diseases?

10.05.018

Clint: We're talking "I would do anything to be on 'What the Hell Is That Smell'" types, here!


;;; So, y'know, the latter! =)

10.05.019

Alice: Ew! [Shivers and looks away, but turns back to Clint] Ew! [To Jordan] Let's go! And Aus, don't think we've forgotten about... uh, something you needed to tell us?

10.05.020

Jordan: [Without hesitating any longer, starts the carriage speeding away from the window] So, where are we headed? This is as far as Austin's instructions got.

10.05.021

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Charlie: We were looking for my mother and or Dr. Finley, were we not? [To Jordan] Have you seen either of them, by any chance?

--001a11345e0e00be9f04ff03529f

10.05.022

Alice: If only there was some way of asking Austin what we should do now! Anyone got any ideas? Aus, what do you think?

10.05.023

Jordan: [To Charlie] Afraid not Chuckles. After I escaped from my homicidal possessed-zombie-ex-wife, I found myself in that tease house because of the storms and earthquakes.

10.05.024


;;; Dom's out today

Austin: [To Alice] I have no knowledge of the conversation to which Jordan refers. Quite clearly, it was the future Austin that spoke to him.

10.05.025

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Charlie: Perhaps we could return to the sanctuary where we found Mother and Alistair?

--001a11c37abcc58f3004ff053eb1

10.05.026

Jordan: Sounds like as good a plan as any. Now remind me, how do we get there from here?

10.05.027

Alice: First of all, we'd have to leave Nostalgia, but is that really what we want to do? Wasn't that other Austin wearing the same clothes as our Austin?

10.05.028

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Charlie: [To Alice] True, and Mr. Sleaze is not given to repeating outfits! Most peculiar. What could it mean? Is there some sort of [vaguely] magical duplicating device about?!

--001a11345e0e7d89d104ff073839

10.05.029

Austin: It was almost certainly a time travel device, and yes, you are correct, I would certainly not wear the same outfit twice, which means that we must discover the device today!

10.05.030

Clint: Or does it mean that we *will* discover the device today, whether we mean to or not? This time travel stuff gives me a headache!


;;; Busy day today. Sorry!

10.05.031

Alice: Surely we will find it -- and maybe we should think about what we need to do once we do find it. Other than enrage Amelia, of course!

10.05.032

Jordan: Well if we do find it, it is obvious we will end up knowing how to use it and what we are meant to do, by the fact Austin told me where to be and what to do, down to the second, but it wasn't this Austin. Perhaps the one we get it from will be giving us some glorious quest that will help save the realms but is too old or chicken shit to do it himself, which is how we end up travelling back in time? What I want to know is, has anyone got a sandwich? I'm a bit peckish.

10.05.033

Austin : At least he has not deserted us. What made you decide to come back?

10.05.034

Jordan: Wife turned out to be a complete whack job, so don't think she was really who she is meant to be, and the future you told me where and when to be. Quite simple really.

10.05.035

Austin : [Sighs] Well, at least you can follow orders, I suppose. Where did the beautiful future me find you? [To the party] Perhaps that was close to when the time travel device is.

10.05.036

Jordan: Ironically, back in the House of Tease. He found me in there probably minutes before you all jumped out the back window. He was very precise about his timing. The nuns I stole this from didn't seem too happy when they charged in to the Errol's place.


;;; That's my 3

10.05.037

Alice: Maybe that's where we should go? Just double back?

10.05.038

Jordan: Sure, if you want to run in to a herd of angry nuns in the carriage I stole from them.


;;; Just noticed Toril and Maikel are on the mailing list, is that right?

10.05.039

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10.05.040

Alice: If all the nuns are chasing us, on foot, surely they won't be there any more? Surely at this point they've already stopped at a cake shop or to beat up an innocent child?


;;; Drew, that's right, they're lurking for the time being

10.05.041

Austin : Of course we don't need to go back exactly the way we came, we can take the back streets, and go in the back door again. Hopefully the HARMA will have gone by now.

10.05.042

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10.05.043

Clint: [Stifles a snicker.] . Just for that, doc, give Jordan your backup sandwich. We all know you have one, and he did just save us...

10.05.044

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10.05.045

Alice: Did Dur just SAY poop? Or did he actually make the noise while he did one?

Charlie: [Leans back from the sandwich] Jordan, for the love all things living, do not touch that sandwich!

10.05.046

Clint: [Aghast.] It may be time to replace your backup sandwich, Doc!

10.05.047

Alice: I don't think that's the backup sandwich, Stinky -- it's the fresh one!

10.05.048

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one!

Charlie: [To Dur, disappointed] Where is the delicious healthy apple I gave you for emergencies?!

--001a11c2ae8c266f9304ff5318f7

10.05.049

Austin : He is eating for twenty, remember?

10.05.050

Jordan: [Still driving with no set destination] Eating for twenty? Have I conveniently forgotten some very important detail?

10.05.050

Alice: Not any more -- remember, Balkline killed them all! Or did they kill Balkline?

10.05.051

Austin : [Casually] Oh, did he get them all? [Looks at Dur] Hard to tell really.

10.05.052

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10.05.052

Alice: Jeez, Aus. You're all heart. [To Jordan] Dur was impregnated by his wife -- the babies/monsters saved us by killing Balkline when he attacked us with the Soul Sucker. [Muses] Weird that Sven told us it was something good, though, wasn't it? Anyway, are we going back to the Tease Room?

10.05.053

Austin : Well it was probably for the best. Balkline probably saved Durs life. [Glances out of the carriage] We should probably head back to the Tease Room.

10.05.054

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Charlie: [Shudders] More time with those horrid nuns! [To the party, wisely] Protect the backs of your heads and hands. Nuns do like whacking both with rulers.

--089e014939fc9f794904ff559074

10.05.055

Alice: Oh, boy! Imagine how surprised they'll be at the Tease Room when we arrive back!

[The carriage pulls up towards the Tease Room, and the party can see CHAMOMILE outside, waving them down.]

Chamomile: I thought you'd never get back!

10.05.056

Clint: [Astonished.] How the hell did you people survive the nun-pocalypse?!

10.05.057

Jordan: And why were you expecting us to come back?

10.05.058

Austin : Because it is the best tea shoppe in town?

10.05.059

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Charlie: Certainly, it is the most vulgar, which might qualify it as "best" for some! [Glances at Clint pointedly]

--14dae947356390a28904ff56fef5

10.05.060

Clint: Haw! What else does a tea shop need? [To Chamomile.] Anyway, answer the questions! And where did the nuns go, anyway? [Looks around a touch apprehensively.]

10.05.061

Chamomile: They were chasing you! And I knew you'd be coming back here because you told me you would this morning.

Alice: [Checks her watch, it is now late afternoon] Wait, we told you we'd be back this morning? Or this morning we told you we'd be back this afternoon?

Chamomile: [Thinks hard] Hm. [Thinks harder] I think it's probably a combination of having really nice tea and super short skimpy dresses.

10.05.062

Clint: The dresses don't hurt, that's for sure! [To the party.] So where do we start looking for a way to send the lawyer back?

10.05.062

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do we start looking for a way to send the lawyer back?

Charlie: [To Austin] Have you any ideas? Do you possess anything that might be of use [helpfully] an orb or some such?

--089e0158c776948e7504ff57a8d4

10.05.063

Austin : No. I have only my beauty and my wits. [Looks woeful]

10.05.064

Alice: Don't forget your sparkling and sympathetic personality.

10.05.065

Jordan: [To Alice] True as that may be, don't forget it only comes out at twilight. [Disembarks the carriage.]

10.05.066

Austin : [To Alice] Oh, yes, of course. I had forgotten about that. [Looks much happier]

10.05.067

Alice: [To Chamomile] What did we tell you this morning?

Chamomile: You gave me a card from Gaul telling me that you were clients, and asked that I give you the daily password for HARMA's camp. We deliver tea there each day.

10.05.068

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Charlie: [Grudgingly] That was unusually helpful of him. [Frowns] Must we wear those tawdry outfits to deliver the tea?

--001a1134735215ba0304ff67e315

10.05.069

Alice: I have my own tawdry outfit!

Chamomile: Alas, no. HARMA doesn't agree with flouncy skirts.

10.05.070

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Charlie: [Brightens] Wonderful! It sounds like a perfect plan. And what is the password, please?

--001a11345e0ed57a1304ff67f2d8

10.05.071

Austin : Sus....pense?

10.05.072

Chamomile: No, it's Joe Nunpar is really great.

10.05.073

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10.05.074

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trying to keep us out at all anymore!

Charlie: To be fair, none of us would have ever said he was great, though! [Shudders]

--089e01227730af353c04ff69ad24

10.05.075


;;; Drew is out today

Jordan: It's fiendishly brilliant. The man is an unrelenting sociopathic scumbag, but he knows how to set passwords!

10.05.076

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Charlie: [Nods] It is an admirable skill. One can only think of so many amusing puns on various scientific concepts!


;;; Out for the day!

--001a11345e0ebb003c04ff6a0875

10.05.077

Alice: Thank god! [To Chamomile] So, you had met us before we came in here this afternoon?

Chamomile: Yes.

Alice: What were we doing?

Chamomile: Running and screaming.

Alice: It sure sounds like us!

10.05.078

Austin : [Concerned] Running and screaming from what?

10.05.079

Clint: [Under his breath.] Please don't say nuns, please don't say nuns!

10.05.080

Chamomile: Okay.

[Time passes.]

Alice: Er, how did you know that we're clients of Gaul's?

Chamomile: You gave me his card.

Charlie: I don't believe we have a card! If we had been given one, then I'm quite sure that I would have ensured that we didn't lose it.

10.05.081

Clint: We'll just put "getting Gaul's card" on our to-do list for before we jump back to this morning. Problem solved!

http://www.iflscience.com/environment/two-more-mysterious-siberian-craters-discovered

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Love it! Too funny!

On Wed, Jul 30, 2014 at 12:52 PM, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com> wrote:

--089e012277302d408f04ff6d2fa2

I am both amused and disturbed...and the combination of those two also disturbs me.

And you all thought that this was just a work of fiction!!

On 30 July 2014 13:28, Marc-Andrew Hunnam Nicholas

Having been conditioned by years of youtube, I am somehow not surprised that this happened in Russia. I shudder to think what the Russian version of Clint is like!

10.05.082

Alice: Where is Gaul?

Chamomile: Being chastised by a nun.

10.05.083

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Charlie: [Shudders] A proper nun or a role-playing tea-server?!

--001a11345e0eb114af04ff7c784d

10.05.084

Chamomile: [Opening the door to the Tease Room] A proper nun, of course! What kind of place do you think this is?

[The first thing the party see is a maid lashing a customer with a whip made from tea bags.]

Alice: Oh my god! I don't believe it! Look! They have Nice biscuits! [Grabs a handful and stuffs them in her mouth]


;;; End of scene, next one coming up

10.06.001

[Book IX, Act IX, Scene VI. A corridor in the Tease House. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and JORDAN are here with CHAMOMILE, standing outside the door of the room they were in with GAUL a while ago. Raised voices can be heard from within.]

Chamomile: One of the nuns, Sister Mary Maria, stayed behind to remonstrate with Gaul.

[The unmistakable sound of a wooden ruler slapping bare skin can be heard.]

Maria: You naughty, naughty man!

10.06.002

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Charlie: [Wrinkles her nose, then nudges Clint] Mr. Scar, why don't you fetch the card? This is more your [finger quotes] scene than ours.

--001a11c3d1c8e9105604ff7e93e6

10.06.003

Alice: Why? I don't smell anything!

10.06.004

Austin : [Disbelieving to Charlie] Really?

10.06.005

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

Charlie: [Gestures to Clint] Do NOT tell me you think Mr. Scar is not well acquainted with the seedier elements of life!

--001a11c37746b9577304ff7efe89

10.06.006

;; Drew is out today

Jordan: [Over the sound of spanking and scolding] Oh for god's sake, how bad can it be? [Opens the door]

[SISTER MARY MARIA is on all fours, habit up around her back, with GAUL behind, spanking her with a ruler.]

Maria: Naughty! Naughty boy!

Gaul: Hi guys! [Spank]

10.06.007

Austin : [To Gaul] Hi. [To Charlie] I was refering to you! [Lights up a cigarrette]

10.06.008

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

Charlie: [To Gaul, sternly] You call that a spanking?! You can hardly see the striping! [Looks self-consciously and the others and laughs awkwardly] I mean [shielding her eyes primly] Mr. Soodman! Do hand Mr. Scar a business card, and we will be on our way!

--001a11c3d1c8135c5b04ff7f1bf6

10.06.009

Gaul: [Unhappily] I know, my technique is a bit off. I strained my wrist while slipping off some fur lined handcuffs. [Spank, and hands over a card]

Maria: [Looks up at the party] Don't think I've forgotten what you did in the convent this morning! I'll deal with you as soon as [flinches as another spank lands] I'm finished here.

Alice: [To the party] I'm confused, both over what she thinks we did and if we'll have to spank her!

10.06.009

Charlie: [To Maria, baffled] What did we do in the convent?!

10.06.010

Maria: One of your filthy, perverted members [spank!] Seamus Danger, impregnated one of our girls!

Gaul: Look, you guys, as your lawyer, I'd advise you to get the hell out of here. [Spanks Maria hard] Things are about to get crazy!

Alice: [Gestures at the appalling scene in front of the party] This isn't crazy?

Gaul: [Laughs] Of course not!

10.06.011

Jordan: [To the party] Who is Seamus Danger?

10.06.012

Alice: We never heard of him until these nuns came looking for him!

10.06.012

Clint: Well, it's not me and it's not Alice or Charlie, so I guess it's you, Dur, or the lawyer. Or maybe it's someone we don't know yet?

10.06.013

Maria: Of course you were there! We saw you in the convent!

Alice: So... I guess we need to go to the convent?

10.06.014

Clint: [Shudders.] . I don't suppose we could just skip that part and hope for the best?

10.06.015

Maria: The damage is done! If only it wasn't forbidden to use our [spank!] time machine to go back and undo your filthy actions!

Gaul: [To the party] Look guys, we're about to start getting freaky. You either need to be on your way or to put on some gas masks and banana suits.

10.06.016

Jordan: [To Maria] Maybe you can't, but we can.

10.06.016

Clint: [Steps back hastily.] There's something worse than going to a nunnery after all! C'mon, guys, let's get out of here!

10.06.017

[The party back slowly out of the room, closing the door behind them. CHAMOMILE is waiting for them with a bunch of habits.]

Chamomile: I thought you might need these.

Alice: For sneaking into the convent?

Chamomile: Huh? Uh, yeah, sure, that's what I meant!

10.06.017

Charlie: Indeed, to the nunnery!

10.06.018

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10.06.019

Clint: C'mon, Doc, you know as well as I do that nuns are hatched from pods, not planted!

10.06.019

Austin : [Chuckles] Yes, but unfortunately they don't bother getting rid of the old ones.


;;;see you on the 11th, look after Aus :)

10.06.020

Alice: Where is the Fortress of Nunification?

Chamomile: [Points out a convenient window] There.

[She's pointing to a huge scary building, which is lit up by a timely flash of lightning.]

Alice: Wow. It's only marginally less scary than my high school!

10.06.021

JoOrdan: If I didn't know better, I would say that was my old high school.

10.06.022

Alice: I see danger ahead. Seamus, Danger.


;;; And there we will pause until August 13th!

10.06.023

Jordan: Well guys, might as well get the scary place over with. We've got time travel to do.


;;; It is today you said we pick back up wasn't it Conor?

10.06.024

Alice: Jordie's right -- we better hurry up or we'll be late for the time travel. Now, just remind me, we're going to the convent to impregnate a nun by pretending that one of you is Seamus Danger, and then we'll break into HARMA with the password is Joe Nunpar is a big poopie head, so we can enrage Amelia and steal some books?


;;; Come on, it's been a week and a half, she has to remind us!


;;; Yes, although a little later in the day than planned!

10.06.025

Jordan: Yeah, though I think that isn't quite the password. I could be wrong though. Now all we need to do is figure out which of us is supposed to pretend to be Seamus, unless of course the real Seamus happens to join us for the ride.


;;; More like the following day hahaha

10.06.026

Austin : Hopefully the ride will only require one of us. [Looks with distaste at Clint, Jordan and Dur]

10.06.027

Alice: You mean... Seamus Danger could be all of you?

10.06.028

Austin : [Looks queasy] I sincerely hope not. For her sake and mine.

10.06.029


;;; Heather is afk for a bit

Charlie: Should we don these disguises? It does appear as though we have several groups pursuing us.

10.06.030

Austin : [Picks the best outfit for himself and puts it on. To the others] You heard the sarge! What are you waiting for? [Checks his habit in a hand mirror]

10.06.031

Alice: [Puts one on] Aw! Look how long it is! [Disappointedly points to the skirt that trails along the ground]

Charlie: [Slips one on] Mr. Sleaze is correct. [Gets into the carriage]

10.06.032

Jordan: [Puts on the one big enough to cover his belly] Lead on then Sarge.


;;; Out for the rest of the day. Just found a leak in the kitchen roof. Oh joy.

10.06.033

Charlie: [Settling into the carriage, claps her hands] Right then, chop-chop!

10.06.033

[Everyone is now dressed, and on board, with CHARLIE driving. Before long, they arrive at the convent, a forbidding looking building with a huge gate that, fortunately, is open. They drive in and pull up outside the door.]

Alice: Right, what's the plan?

10.06.034

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10.06.035

Charlie: [Nods approvingly] Quite right! [To Clint, Austin and Jordan] Will one of you volunteer to make the ultimate sacrifice?

10.06.036

Alice: Hang on, can we try to go into one convent without someone impregnating a nun?

10.06.037

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMzNg0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IEhhbmcgb24sIGNhbiB3ZSB0cnkgdG8gZ28g aW50byBvbmUgY29udmVudCB3aXRob3V0IHNvbWVvbmUgaW1wcmVnbmF0aW5nIGEgbnVuPw0KDQpE dXI6IEFwcGFyZW50bHkgbm90LiANCg

10.06.038

Clint: Haw! And why would we want to?

10.06.038

Alice: [Shudders] Right. [Looks at the huge, forbidding door] Will we just knock?

10.06.035

Austin : Well that is a great relief. So the plan is, impregnate a willing nun, and annoy Amelia by stealing The Books, and use the time portal at some point in the very near future. Why don't we try to find the time machine thingy. [Goes over to the door and check to see if it is locked [Sighs, nostalgically] Just like old times.

10.06.039

[Just as AUSTIN reaches for the door, it opens. Enter SISTER MARY ERICA, a rather homely looking nun with a deep voice.]

Erica: [Startled] Hello!

10.06.039

Charlie: Hello, Sister! [Suppresses a gag] Er, Joe Nunpar is really great, do you not find?

10.06.041

Clint: [Also suppressing a gag.]

10.06.042

Erica: Uh, actually, I think he's a bit of an ass. Er, I mean, yes, bless his heart.

10.06.043

Clint: [Grinning now.] I couldn't agree more! Anyway, sister, before we get down to business, tell me - have you ever heard of Seamus Danger?

10.06.044

Austin : Hello, we are the Daughters of the Divine Charity of Phili, just arrived for our exchange visit. I believe you have been eagerly awaiting our arrival for some time, so I must apologise for our latness, we encountered endles troubles on the way here.

Erica: Well, I don't know anything about that. I'm just in charge of drying out the tea bags. And Seamus Danger? Can you describe her?

10.06.045

Charlie: I think perhaps Seamus Danger is a man. [Delicately] Perhaps a rather erotically charged one?

10.06.047

Erica: It certainly isn't me!

Alice: Which? The reliable source? Or Seamus Danger?

Erica: Both! Or.. neither. Whichever answer makes me less likely to get into trouble.

10.06.048

Austin : Well, in that case we should all get inside before we get into trouble. We were supposed to have made our etchings of the time device three days ago!

10.06.046

Jordan: At least that is what we were told by a very [lowers his voice to sound all mysterious] reliable source.

10.06.049

Erica: Oh no! Quick! Get inside!

[The party dash inside as ERICA holds the door open, only to step outside and slam the door.]

Erica: Hah! Suckers! [Pause] Er, I mean, hey! Let me in!

10.06.049

Clint: And for Phili's sake, whatever you do, if you see Seamus Danger, don't let him in! It would be... bad.

10.06.050

Jordan: I wonder why she called us suckers?

10.06.051

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10.06.052

[There's a knock on the door. ERICA calls from outside.]

Erica: Hello? Sisters?

10.06.053

Charlie: [To Erica] Password?

10.06.054

Clint: [Quietly, to the group.] While Chuck here torments the porter, what's our plan? Wander around until we find the time travel device?

10.06.055

Austin : No, let her back in and get her to show us where the time device is!

10.06.056

Clint: See, that's what I thought. Don't confuse the nice nun by asking her about passwords and whatnot, Sarge. Besides, someone still has to get her pregnant.

10.06.057

Jordan: How do we know she is the one though?

10.06.057

Erica: Oh, man! I don't know what the password is! You bloody nuns are all the same!

10.06.058

Charlie: Splendid! [Opens the door]

10.06.059

Erica: Really? Is that the password? Er, I mean, thank you, Sister.

10.06.060

Clint: So, those etchings we need to do... Lead the way!

10.06.061

Erica: [Looks petrified] Well, I don't know where the time machine is!

10.06.062

Austin : It is probably an altar or pedestal or something weird. Is there anything like that around here?

10.06.063

Erica: There is supposed to be a Class B relic in a room on the next floor up.

Alice: And, just remind us, in case one of the more forgetful nuns doesn't remember what that is, what exactly is a Class B relic?

Erica: Of or pertaining to a miracle of Class 2 or less, that is, food or alcohol related, but not illness or death.

10.06.064

Charlie: [Nods] Correct! [As if giving a test] And where would the Class A relics be held. . . ?

10.06.065

Erica: In the gift shoppe.

Alice: Where is the gift shop?

Erica: It's not a shop, it's a shoppe.

10.06.066

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10.06.067

Erica: Of course! We have to make money somehow, and people love this stuff. You know, things like one of the stones that was used to crush St. Flatulator to death, or a piece of Holy Mucus from St. Nostrildamus.

Alice: Ew! You can buy Holy Mucus?

Erica: It's great -- it keeps its flavour for ages! [Holds out a handkerchief] Want some?

10.06.068

Charlie: [Sighs] Dur will have some, but then we must be off to the gift shoppe at once!

10.06.069

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10.06.070

Alice: Maybe we should.. [tuts irritably at Dur's noisy chewing] head upstairs?

10.06.071

Austin : What about the class C relics, where are those stored?

10.06.072

Clint: Perhaps in that one scary room no one is allowed to enter? You can't tell me you don't have one of those here!

10.06.073

Erica: HARMA have taken them all!

10.06.074

Clint: Of course they have. [To the party.] Am I the only one who's getting sick of those guys? I say we pay them a little visit, kick a little ass and take names! And class C relics while we're at it.

10.06.075

Alice: Isn't that why we're going to the time machine? That and breaking Amelia's heart and impregnating a nun?

Erica: [Flutters her eyelids] Oh, really?

10.06.076

Clint: Yeah, but I say we up the time table a little bit. If we get our hands on a time machine, there'll always be time to impregnate a nun later!

10.06.077

Alice: So go back further than this morning? Great idea! Especially if you know how to operate one, Stinky!

10.06.078

Jordan: At least we don't have to worry about the nun impregnation until we are already in the past. [To Erica] Don't worry, I think you're safe from the chance of your nunly vows being violated.

10.06.079

Erica: Aw! I mean, too right!


;;; Heather is afk

Charlie: Right! Now that we have agreed not to violate this nun, perhaps we should go upstairs to this time machine? So we can do our etchings?

10.06.080

Alice: Good idea. [To Erica] Where's the upstairs?

Erica: [Points to the stairs] Upstairs.

10.06.081

Jordan: [Surprised] Really? I thought it was downstairs.

10.06.082

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10.06.083

Austin : What about the class D relics?

10.06.084

Eric: They don't follow his lead either.

Alice: I think he means, where are they.

Eric: HARMA has them all!

10.06.085

Austin : Perhaps some were too heavy to carry, or perhaps they missed some. Where were the relics?

10.06.086

Erica: They've taken everything back to their HQ -- it's all in Queens View!

10.06.087

Charlie: Those horrid dictatorial bureaucrats! [To the party] We shall worry about that later. Follow me, group! [Heads for the stairs]

10.06.088

[Everyone, including ERICA, heads up the stairs. There are several doors up here, all of which are fairly nondescript brown, except for one, which is a brilliant white colour.]

Alice: Where are we supposed to go to do the etchings?

Erica: The time machine is hidden in a secret passage behind a bookshelf in the Virgin Room. You pull the left candlestick -- the one in the shape of two legs closed together -- and the bookshelf opens up. Just go a few feet down the passageway and take the left turn. Make sure you don't take the right turn, as there's a savage tiger there.

Alice: Which one is the virgin room?

Erica: That's classified.

10.06.089

Charlie: [Confidently strides to the white door, discreetly watching Erica for a reaction] Clearly, it is the white door, as white represents purity!

10.06.090

Erica: Sonofa! [Composes herself] I mean, maybe. Anyway, it's hidden behind a secret entrance. You'll never find it.

10.06.091

Charlie: No doubt. [Laughs] It isn't as if you would hide it behind a bookshelf by a peculiar candlestick or anything nearly so obvious!

10.06.092

Austin : And watch out for tigers! [Watches Charlie, ready for any tigers]

10.06.093

Erica: I can't look! [Runs towards the stairs and races down. When she is about halfway down, she calls out in an unconvincing way] Help. I have fallen. Ow. Bonk. Bonk. Help me. Please.

[CHARLIE recklessly opens the White Door. This is a bedroom, but it has the same bookshelf/candlestick combination described by ERICA.]

10.06.094

Austin : [peeking in looking for tigers] It appears to be tiger free. Dissapointingly virgin free. [Slips carefully into the room if he can and pulls the candlestick]

10.06.095

Charlie: [Sword ready, watching Austin] Oh, I do love entering a secret passageway!

10.06.096

Alice: I can't look! [Covers her eyes, but leaves a crack so she can watch]

[AUSTIN daringly pulls down the candlestick, and the shelves swing open.]

10.06.097

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10.06.098

Alice: [Peers over Dur's shoulder at the blueprint book] Yikes, Dur! That's so old the people in it are still covered in hair! And why is there a dinosaur on the front?

10.06.098

Alice: [Peers over Dur's shoulder at the blueprint book] Yikes, Dur! That's so old the people in it are still covered in hair! And why is there a dinosaur on the front?

10.06.099

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10.06.100

Alice: I suppose... I guess it could go where the blueprint guy has a tusk.

10.06.101

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10.06.102

Charlie: Marvelous! There appears to be no obvious signs of tigers! [Enters the passageway]

10.07.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene VII. The Passageway. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and JORDAN are here, having just arrived at a t-junction.]

Alice: Left or right?

10.07.002

Jordan: [Drawing his sword] She said right, right?


;;; Only post from me today

10.07.003

Charlie: Indeed, if we wish to come to face to face with a tiger! I believe the left turn is the correct one. [Looks at the party] Do check your notes to confirm, please!

10.07.004

Alice: Will do! [Looks at the back of her hand and reads] Hm. "Wash hand?" What does that mean? [Looks at the back of her other hand] "Turn over." [Turns it over and reads the palm] "Turn over". We may be here for quite some time.

10.07.004

Austin : [Without checking anything] Left for time machine, right for Tiger. [Checks his nails, and smiles at their brilliance]

10.07.005

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10.07.006

Alice: If by awfully long time you mean never, then yes, I think you're right!

10.07.007

Clint: Hey! I bet Dur's practiced real medicine a lot! He just hasn't, y'know, practiced very successfully! I say left as well.

10.07.008

Alice: Well, go on, then!

10.07.009

Clint: Gladly! [Leads the way boldly leftward, sword at the ready.] Of course, it's always possible the nun is a liar or an idiot!

10.07.010

Alice: Maybe she's both? Maybe she wanted to lie about where the tiger is but got it wrong?

[CLINT leads the party to a small alcove, which has a hugely complex piece of machinery, covered in wires, tubes and dials. There appears to be only one control, a large red button with "STOP" written on it.]

Alice: [Peers from behind Clint] That lying idiot! Hah! We got the better of her!

10.07.010

Charlie: She did seem a bit dim, but with any luck she does know left from right! [Follows Clint] Come along, group!

10.07.011

Clint: [Hand twitching toward the big red button.] Haw! Figuring this thing out'll be a piece of cake!

10.07.012

Alice: STOP! [Pause] That's what it says, right?

10.07.013

Austin : Indeed it does, and I must say, your delivery was superb. You should consider a career on the stage.

10.07.014

Alice: I was offered a job on stage before, Aus! I was going to be a star! Then I saw that Daddy was in the audience, at a bachelor party, and I thought it might be a little weird for him to see me naked.

10.07.014

Lastly from Dom #13

Clint: Okay, so we've got some fancy mechanical stuff and a big red button that says 'STOP' on it. C'mon, I say we press it!

10.07.015

Charlie: Mr. Scar, I admire your inquiring mind, and I quite agree! [Attempts to press the button]

10.07.016

[The machine makes a huge "K-thung!" noise, but otherwise nothing seems to happen.]

10.07.016

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxNg0KDQo+ICAgICAgICAgIFtUaGUgbWFjaGluZSBtYWtlcyBhIGh1 Z2UgIkstdGh1bmchIiBub2lzZSwgYnV0IG90aGVyd2lzZSBub3RoaW5nIHNlZW1zIHRvIGhhcHBl bi5dDQoNCkR1cjogV2VsbCB0aGF0IHdhcyBhIGRpc2FwcG9pbnRpbmcgcmVzdWx0LiBQZXJoYXBz IGl0IG5lZWRzIHRvIGJlIHB1c2hlZCBtdWx0aXBsZSB0aW1lcz8gW1RyaWVzIHRvIHB1c2ggdGhl IGJ1dHRvbiBhZ2Fpbl0NCg

10.07.017

[It makes the same noise.]

Alice: Stop it, Dur! You'll break it! It's not a toy you know! [Quickly presses the button, causing the same noise.] Huh, it is kind of fun, though, isn't it?

10.07.018

Austin : [Laughs] . Perhaps we should try the start button first. [Looks around for a start button]


;;;afk today

10.07.019

[There definitely appears to be just this one, solitary button!]

10.07.020

Charlie: Perhaps it is a message? Everyone stand perfectly still for ten seconds! [Freezes]

10.07.021

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzIwDQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBQZXJoYXBzIGl0IGlzIGEgbWVzc2Fn ZT8gIEV2ZXJ5b25lIHN0YW5kIHBlcmZlY3RseSBzdGlsbCBmb3IgdGVuIHNlY29uZHMhICBbRnJl ZXplc10NCg0KRHVyOiBbU3RhbmRzIHN0aWxsIGZvciA5LjUgc2Vjb25kIGFuZCB0aGVuIGJyZWFr cyB3aW5kIHNvIGxvdWQgYW5kIGhhcmQgaXQgcHVzaGVzIGhpbSBmb3J3YXJkIHNsaWdodGx5XSBF YXNpZXIgc2FpZCB0aGFuIGRvbmUhDQo

10.07.022

Alice: [Going slightly green] Maybe it's broken?

10.07.023

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMyMg0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IFtHb2luZyBzbGlnaHRseSBncmVlbl0gTWF5 YmUgaXQncyBicm9rZW4/DQoNCkR1cjogTm9uc2Vuc2UhIE15IHBvb3Agc2hvb3RlciB3b3JrcyBw ZXJmZWN0bHkgZmluZSBteSBkZWFyIGxhZHkhDQo

10.07.024

Austin : [Winces at Durs vile comments] She was talking about the time machine [Continues to look for controls other than the stop button] Does anyone see a control mechanism anywhere?

10.07.025

Alice: I think that stop button is the control mechanism!

10.07.026

Charlie: Well, it is making some noise. Perhaps it is doing something, somewhere! [Looks around for any moving parts, doors, etc.]

10.07.027

[Everyone crawls all over it, and, although they can see plenty of wires and test tubes, some of which have liquid in them, it's not really clear what, if anything, is supposed to move.]

Alice: This is a waste of time!

10.07.028

Jordan: Perhaps if we press it and hold it down instead of letting go? [Presses the button and holds it down]

10.07.029

[The device makes a ""K-" noise. JORDAN keeps it held down.]

10.07.030

Charlie: [Looking at the wires and liquid while Jordan holds the button] Can anyone see what it's doing?

10.07.031

Alice: Nothing! Maybe that's because he's pressing stop?

10.07.032

Clint: Are we sure this is an actual time machine and not just some weird trick? I mean, you can never trust a nun, right?


;;; Sorry all. Ugly, ugly week here.

10.07.033

Jordan: Unless it is working, and jumping us back in time a set amount every time we press it? [Releases the button]

10.07.035

Jordan: Exactly! We should go check to see if it's worked or not.

10.07.036

Alice: To the tiger?

10.07.036

Austin : [Relieved that all the bottom pressing has stopped] Excellent idea. The device could also simple switch between two time junctures, so if nothing has changed we should only press it once, next time.


;;; afk for a while

10.07.037

Charlie: [Disappointed] But I expect a majestic machine with lots of spinning bits and flashing lights! [Composes herself] Well, one must make do! Let us go back and see if we notice anything has changed.

10.07.038

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMzNw0KDQo+Q2hhcmxpZTogW0Rpc2FwcG9pbnRlZF0gQnV0IEkgZXhw ZWN0IGEgbWFqZXN0aWMgbWFjaGluZSB3aXRoIGxvdHMgb2Ygc3Bpbm5pbmcgYml0cyBhbmQgZmxh c2hpbmcgbGlnaHRzISAgW0NvbXBvc2VzIGhlcnNlbGZdIFdlbGwsIG9uZSBtdXN0IG1ha2UgZG8h ICBMZXQgdXMgZ28gPmJhY2sgYW5kIHNlZSBpZiB3ZSBub3RpY2UgYW55dGhpbmcgaGFzIGNoYW5n ZWQuDQoNCkR1cjogUHJvY2VlZCB3aXRoIGNhdXRpb24gZ3JvdXAuIElmIHRoaW5ncyBoYXZlIGNo YW5nZWQgb3V0c2lkZSB0aGlzIHJvb20sIHdobyBrbm93cyB3aGF0IHdlIG1pZ2h0IGNvbWUgZmFj ZSB0byBmYWNlIHdpdGghDQoNCjs7OyBTcGVha2luZyBvZiEgWWF5IGZvciBEciBXaG8gcHJlbWll ciB0b21vcnJvdyENCg

10.07.038

Alice: Maybe we should press it once now, to be sure!

[Wisely, the party ignore her, and head back the way they came. The secret passage door is closed, although they can see an handle here.]

10.07.039

Jordan: [To Dur] Indeed. I would hate it if one of us got hurt and required medical attention.

10.07.040

Alice: Maybe we could ask Dur? You know, he might know where we could find a doctor!

10.07.041

Charlie: [Incredulous] Do be serious! He is dreadful with directions and never learned to read. He would be the last person I would ask! [To Dur, kindly] No offense, dear.

10.07.042

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM0MQ0KDQo+Q2hhcmxpZTogW0luY3JlZHVsb3VzXSBEbyBiZSBzZXJp b3VzISAgSGUgaXMgZHJlYWRmdWwgd2l0aCBkaXJlY3Rpb25zIGFuZCBuZXZlciBsZWFybmVkIHRv IHJlYWQuICBIZSB3b3VsZCBiZSB0aGUgbGFzdCBwZXJzb24gSSB3b3VsZCBhc2shIFtUbyBEdXIs IGtpbmRseV0gTm8gb2ZmZW5zZSwgZGVhci4NCg0KRHVyOiBbT2J2aW91c2x5IG5vdCBwYXlpbmcg YXR0ZW50aW9uXSBJJ20gc29ycnk/IERpZCB5b3Ugc2F5IHNvbWV0aGluZz8NCg

10.07.043

[ALICE opens the door. The room looks similar to before, except this time there is a nun, SR. LILY, in bed, reading. She hasn't spotted the party.]

10.07.044

Charlie: [Motions to shut the door and back out quietly] Shh!

10.07.045

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM0NA0KDQo+Q2hhcmxpZTogW01vdGlvbnMgdG8gc2h1dCB0aGUgZG9v ciBhbmQgYmFjayBvdXQgcXVpZXRseV0gU2hoIQ0KDQpEdXI6IFtXaGlzcGVyaW5nXSBJbmRlZWQu IFdlIHdvdWxkbid0IHdhbnQgdG8gaGF2ZSB0byBzdWJkdWUgYW5kIHNpbGVuY2UgYSBzb2xpdGFy eSBudW4gYmV0d2VlbiB0aGUgNSBvZiB1cyENCg

10.07.046

Alice: Why are we backing out? Don't we have to go past her to get out? And how do we know if we've gone back in time? Maybe she came in there after us!

10.07.047

Jordan: Maybe she's the one Seamus impregnates. Which probably means one of us does it to distract her so the others can get out without her seeing.

10.07.048

Alice: That sure sounds like you volunteered, there, Jordie!

10.07.049

Clint: Maybe you should just go get her pregnant, get it over with. Just in case.

10.07.050

Charlie: [To Clint] Work your magic, Seamus Danger!

10.07.051

Alice: Bom, chicka bom!

10.07.052

Clint: Well, the first thing I'll need is a milk float...

10.07.053

Alice: Come on, Seamus! Don't be such a chick-chick-chicken!

10.07.054

Clint: Oh, all right. But I don't usually do rush jobs! Or nuns! [Opens his moth-eaten shirt a little at the collar, sniffs under each armpit and is evidently satisfied with what he discovers, and swaggers on in.]

10.07.055

Austin : I hope that she does not die from the smell. She will be traumatised for life!

10.07.056

Alice: Don't be so melodramatic, Aus!

[LILY looks up from her book and gasps.]

Lily: Who are you?

[Alas, the gasp is so deep she inhales a dangerously large amount of CLINT odour, and she passes out, falling off the bed.]

Alice: Nice going, Stinky!

10.07.057

Austin : [Wafting Clints smell away] Perhaps you should all go through the door whilst I have this poor nun recover [Gets the unconcious nun back into her bed]

10.07.057

Clint: Haw! Overcome by my sheer manliness! [To Dur, Jordan, and Austin.] That's how you do it, lads!

10.07.058

Charlie: [Impressed] Well done, Mr. Scar! We shall have to get Dur to take some samples of your sweat for later testing. [Starry-eyed] Perhaps I could write a paper about it!

10.07.059

Alice: Don't be ridiculous, Charlie, he'll only end up drinking it!

[ALICE helps AUSTIN lift LILY back into the bed.]

Alice: What was she reading? [Holds up the book. It is "The Adventures of the Naughty Nun", and takes a quick look] Wow! It's like a warning! It says that young girls can become pregnant just by being touched by someone!

10.07.060

Clint: Hmm... I wonder if this Seamus Danger never actually got anyone pregnant?

10.07.061

Jordan: It could be that, or it could be Austin and Alice both just got her pregnant.

10.07.061

Sorry for the silence today -- back to normal on Wednesday, and back on European hours!

On 22 August 2014 12:39, Marc-Andrew Hunnam Nicholas


;;; I have 3 conferences this week, two talks and a session to chair,

so my activity will be random - or next to zero on Thursday/Friday!

10.07.062

[LILY starts to wake up.]

Lily: What... what's happening?

10.07.063

Charlie: [Gasps] You've just been Seamus Dangered! [To the party] Hurry, let us make our escape! [Heads for the door]

10.07.064

Lily: What? Is one of you Seamus Danger?

Alice: Yes! [To the party] Let's go!

[The party dash out into the hallway and see that there are several nuns strolling around.]

10.07.065

Austin : [Quietly to the party] If we have gone back in time then the artifacts will still be here, before HARMA stole them.

10.07.066

Alice: That depends on how far back we've gone!

10.07.067

Austin : We may not have traveled at all. [Looks around for any signs]

10.07.068

Last from Dom 67

Alice: Given that the nuns aren't chasing us, we probably have gone back in time!=

10.07.069

Charlie: Splendid! Now we must find Amelia. [Looks at Austin] Where do you suggest we might find her?

10.07.070

Austin : [Shrugs] HARMA headquarters? Why do we need to find her? Surely it would be a much better idea to go an examine the artifacts, it the books that we desire, after all.

10.07.071

Jordan: Austin has a point. Besides, if we go off looking for her, how are we meant to do what it was that we did to have the nuns trying to get us where future Austin found me in the House of Tease?

10.07.072

Clint: The usual way we get people to try to get us - we try talking to them?

10.07.073

Alice: But future Amelia told us that we had stolen the books from her!

10.07.074

Austin : So, we can still steal them before she does!

10.07.075

Charlie: Oh, how thrilling! I wonder if we've gone back far enough for that?

10.07.076

Alice: We know we haven't, because Amelia has already told us that Austin stole the books!

10.07.077

Jordan: That actually makes sense.

10.07.078

Alice: It's simple Temporal Causality Relations, Jordie. Easy for someone who's really good at math!


;;; Yes, rather surprisingly, Alice is, thanks to a miracle by Phili

way back when...

10.07.079

Clint: So let's go find Amelia and steal some books from her! [Piously.] Normally, I'm against stealing from a girl, but in her case, I'll make an exception!


;;; That was, what, 4 Philis ago now?

10.07.080

Jordan: Well if she is Austin's girlfriend, and she said Austin was the one who took them from her, then would it really be stealing, since couples share their belonging? [To Austin] Or does that only work in marriage?

10.07.079


;;; No posting from me today! Back to normal tomorrow!

10.07.081

Last from Drew 80


;;; Dom is afk most of today

Austin: Of course it only applies to marriage, and I'm quite sure that we can reason with Amelia. She has repeatedly shown to be more than amenable to h= elping us. Often at great personal risk to herself. And, her understandable attraction to me notwithstanding, this is clear evidence that she is not the t= ypical HARMA operative.=20

[No one is quite sure how to react to this.]

Alice: You could say that she is Ameliable!

Austin: I could, but I won't.=20

10.07.082

to helping us. Often at great personal risk to herself. And, her understandable attraction to me notwithstanding, this is clear evidence that she is n=

Jordan: [Chortles] Okay then, we will.

10.07.083

to helping us. Often at great personal risk to herself. And, her understandable attraction to me notwithstanding, this is clear evidence that she is =

Charlie: [Skeptically, to Austin] Indeed. Well, it is worth a try, in any case! Let us find her at once and test your theories, Mr. Sleaze!

10.07.084

Last from heather 83

Austin: Of course, we have no idea of where their headquarters in this town is.=20

Alice: Maybe it's in this town?

10.07.085

Charlie: [Pats Alice on the head] Well deduced! [To the party] HARMA does not normally keep a low profile, so I suspect a cursory investigation will lead us to their headquarters. Let us go back into the town--discreetly! [Muses] Though if we ARE arrested, that would be a fast way to the headquarters, at least.

10.07.086

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10.07.087

Jordan: Yes, we could. Our nun disguises should remove any suspicion also I would imagine.

10.07.088

Alice: Agreed! Let's make sure we keep a low profile.

[LILY's door opens and she points to the party.]

Lily: I have been impregnated!

10.07.089

Charlie: [To Lily, helpfully] Are you certain it wasn't a dream? You are a nun, after all! So glad that's resolved. Let us leave at once. [Tries to exit quickly]

10.07.090

[One of the other nuns, SISTER MARY MARIA (who GAUL will later end up giving a sound spanking to) looks up.]

Maria: Which of them violated you, Sister?

Lily: It was Seamus Danger!

Alice: [Follows Charlie, talking to the party] Quickly, Sisters, after Sister Charlie!

10.07.091

Clint: Wait for me! [Exits hastily, looking over his shoulder apprehensively.]


;;; In the words of Shakespeare, Exit, pursued by a bear!

10.07.092

Maria: Stop them!

[The party race out into the street where there is just one carriage and virtually no pedestrians. "Dave's Drain-o".]

Alice: What will we do? The nuns are coming! The nuns are coming!

10.07.093

Charlie: [Attempts to commandeer the carriage] Follow me, group!

10.07.094

[Everyone leaps into the carriage, much to the surprise of the driver, DAVE DRAINO.]

Dave: Uh, hi Sisters! Can I help you?

10.07.095

Charlie: Yes, please! Do take us to HARMA headquarters at once. It is a matter of biblical urgency!

10.07.096

Dave: Of course! That's over on Main St. right? Just turn left at the bottom of this street and then half a mile up? The one that looks a bit like a library that's been turned into a prison?

10.07.097

Charlie: [Nods] Oh my, yes! [Discreetly] Do take us to the back entrance, though. We do not wish the enemies of HARMA to be alerted to our important mission!

10.07.098

Last from Heather 97

Dave: Sorry sister, I hate HARMA!

10.07.098


;;; That was my three, FYI!

10.07.099

Clint: Then after you take us to the back entrance you can go and tell all your anti-HARMA friends. Now drive! Please.

10.07.100

Austin : We all hate HARMA. We shall slip in through their back entrance and retrieve what they have stolen.

10.07.101

Dave: Hah! Caught you! I love HARMA! I knew you were up to no good!

10.07.102

Clint: We don't have time for this! Either drive or get out. We're commandeering this carriage in the name of Seamus Danger, HARMA, and nuns everywhere!

10.07.103

Dave: Seamus Danger? Like in the books? Cool! I've got a great idea for a story -- it's about Seamus getting a job with a drain cleaners!

10.07.104

Charlie: [To Dave, feigning interest] Oh, do tell! We would just love to hear about it on the way to the HARMA HQ! [Motions for the party to get into the carriage]

10.07.105

Dave: Oh, it's great!

[Everyone sneaks on.]

Dave: See, he needs to go undercover in a brothel, or maybe harem, or possibly a bakery, I haven't figured that out yet, but he has this cool guy showing him the ropes. I call him David.

10.07.106

Clint: [To Charlie, hissing.] Now you've done it!

10.07.107

Dave: Why don't I take you back to my place so you can read the screenplay? I have a few copies, and those of you who don't get one right away can read the graphic novel!

10.07.108

Charlie: How lovely! We just have a quick errand to run first, at the HARMA headquarters. After than, Sisters Clintus [gestures to Clint] and Austonia [gestures to Austin] can act out bits from your screenplay! Won't THAT be nice??

10.07.109

Austin : [Mimes opening a diary and looking up a date] Perhaps not. I am having my socks dry cleaned that month.

10.07.110

Dave: That's okay, it'll take at least three months to act out the whole thing -- it's done in real time! Your character doesn't appear until after the twelfth coat of paint has dried. Now, you ladies do have a password to get into HARMA, right?

10.07.111

Austin : [Sullenly] No.


;;;afk a while

10.07.112

Last from Dom 111

Dave: Well, then, you better get one! No one gets in without one, even through the secret passage.=20=

10.07.113

Charlie: [Casually] Oh, indeed, we know all about the secret passage, and that is where we should like to be dropped off, of course. [To Dave, flirting in the most awkward and lame way possible] Do YOU know the secret password? I'll bet you do, you big, damp, hairy, drain fellow!

10.07.114

Dave: [Sullenly] No. No one in town except those tea delivery guys have it.

10.07.115

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxMTQNCg0KPkRhdmU6IFtTdWxsZW5seV0gTm8uIE5vIG9uZSBpbiB0 b3duIGV4Y2VwdCB0aG9zZSB0ZWEgZGVsaXZlcnkgZ3V5cyBoYXZlIGl0Lg0KDQpEdXI6IE9oPyBB bmQgaG93IGRvIHdlIHJlYWNoIHRoZXNlIHRlYSBmZWxsb3dzPw0KDQo7OzsgRm9yZ290IHRvIG1l bnRpb24sIGJ1dCBJIHdvbid0IGJlIGFyb3VuZCB5ZXN0ZXJkYXkgPi4+DQo

10.07.116

Last from Kevin 115


;;; Drew is afk

Jordan: Didn't you guys come from there?


;;; mm-hm!!

10.07.117

Dur: I thought we came from impregnating nuns at the nunnery?


;;; Don't judge me!

10.07.118


;;; Oops -- sent this to just Kev!

Jordan: No, before you impregnated the virgin nun, remember? At the tea room with hookers?

Alice: [Indignantly] They weren't hookers, they were strippers!

10.07.119

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxMTgNCg0KPkpvcmRhbjogTm8sIGJlZm9yZSB5b3UgaW1wcmVnbmF0 ZWQgdGhlIHZpcmdpbiBudW4sIHJlbWVtYmVyPyBBdCB0aGUgdGVhIHJvb20gd2l0aCBob29rZXJz Pw0KPg0KPkFsaWNlOiBbSW5kaWduYW50bHldIFRoZXkgd2VyZW4ndCBob29rZXJzLCB0aGV5IHdl cmUgc3RyaXBwZXJzIQ0KDQpEdXI6IEhvb2tlciwgc3RyaXBwZXJzLCBhbmQgbnVucy4uLm9oIG15 ISBXYXMgdGhlIHBhc3N3b3JkIHRoZXkgZ2F2ZSB1cyBmb3IgdGhlIG51bm5lcnkgb3Igd2FzIGl0 IGZvciBIQVJNQT8gDQoNCjs7O3RoYXQgaXMgbXkgMw0K

10.07.120

Charlie: With any luck, they have only one password! We may as well try, anyway.

10.07.121

Clint: Sounds like exactly the sort of thing a nun might say about a stripper, Sarge!

10.07.122

Alice: Wouldn't it look a bit strange for us to turn up to deliver tea in a drain clogging carriage? Dressed as nuns? On a Thursday? At this time?

10.07.123

Clint: Well, yeah, but where are we going to get plumber costumes at such short notice?

10.07.124

Austin : [Shrugs] Nuns can deliver tea at any time, day or night. Old Chassers never missed an opportunity to make a nice cuppa. We will be fine.

10.07.125

Alice: Did she often drink it from a drain unclogging carriage with the second worst smelling driver in history? [To Dave] No offence.

Dave: Yeesh, I thought that was a compliment!

10.07.126

Clint: Maybe we could slap a coat of paint on the ol' carriage first?

10.07.127

Dave: Absolutely not! No way!

10.07.128

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxMjcNCg0KPkRhdmU6IEFic29sdXRlbHkgbm90ISBObyB3YXkhDQoN CkR1cjogQmFoISBUaGVyZSBpcyBhbHdheXMgYSB3YXkgbGFkIQ0K

10.07.129

Charlie: [To Dur, patting his head] Good boy! I do like your spirit. [Hands Dur a stale crust of bread] But I do not see why we should waste time renovating this man's carriage. We can simply walk from a safe distance to the secret entrance, and no one will wonder why we arrived with him.

10.07.129

Alice: While I like the idea of not arriving with this horrendous eyesore, I --

Dave: Hey! That's my carriage you're talking about!

Alice: Actually, it's you I was talking about.

Dave: Oh. [Looks sad] I see.

Alice: Anyway, are we really going to turn up to deliver tea without any tea?

10.07.130

Jordan: We could always commandeer some tea from our sisters?

10.07.131

Charlie: [Looks around the area] Yes, or from some helpful citizen?

10.07.132

Alice: The sisters who are chasing us? [Points to some surprisingly slow moving nuns] Let's harass some helpful citizen. Once we secure the delicious, dark, warm, brown tea, we can ditch these canisters that Dave has. What's in them, Dave?

Dave: Oh, just some awful, warm, brown liquid that I've pumped out of sewers.

10.07.133

Charlie: [Looks ill] Oh, Alice. We couldn't!

10.07.134

Alice: Of course not. We'd have to really hate them to do that. It would be awful. Terrible.

10.07.135

Austin : Good, I am glad that we have reached consensus on that.

10.07.135

Charlie: [Nods] You make a good point, Alice. [Evilly] Let's do it!

10.07.136

Dave: On what?

Alice: On the fact that there's a huge potato sticking out of the back of your carriage.

Dave: What? Where? [Gets out to look]

Alice: [Grabs the reins] See you, sucker! [Drives off, but suddenly stops] Oh, man! Did anyone pay attention to the directions?

10.07.137

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10.07.138

Jordan: Absolutely! Sharing is caring after all! And we care about getting those books, right?

10.07.139

Charlie: [To Dur, horrified] Do stop drinking that! We need it to fool HARMA!


;;; Kevin, eeeeeew!!!

10.07.140

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzEzOQ0KDQo+Q2hhcmxpZTogW1RvIER1ciwgaG9ycmlmaWVkXSBE byBzdG9wIGRyaW5raW5nIHRoYXQhICBXZSBuZWVkIGl0IHRvIGZvb2wgSEFSTUEhDQoNCkR1cjog W1Njb2ZmcyBpbmRpZ25hbnRseV0gRmluZS4gVGhpcyB3aWxsIGJlIG15IGxhc3QgY3VwLiBJIHN1 cHBvc2UgNSBjdXBzIGlzIGVub3VnaD8NCg0KPjs7OyBLZXZpbiwgZWVlZWVldyEhIQ0KDQo7Ozsg SWYgeW91IGV4cGVjdGVkIG1vcmUgb2YgRHVyLCB3ZWxsIHRoZW4geW91IG9ubHkgaGF2ZSB5b3Vy c2VsZiB0byBibGFtZSA6cA0K

10.07.141

Alice: Dur! If you end up needing to pee and think that I'm going to stop, well, hm, I guess you can just pee it back into those vats.

[DAVE catches up with the carriage.]

Dave: Pant! You sure had me going there!

10.07.142

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10.07.143

[Everyone flinches in horror at this outrage. DAVE, however, simply stands there.]

Dave: [Giggling] Go on! What is it?

Alice: [To the party] Does anyone know where we're going? And yes, I know it's HARMA, but the directions!

10.07.144

Jordan: I thought we needed to go back to The House of Tease first for the password?

10.07.145

Charlie: I think we know it--or at least hope we do! [To Alice] We are going to the library, I believe.

10.07.146

Jordan: Do we know how far back we travelled? Austin needs to get back to The House of Tease to tell past me to get the carriage I used to rescue you guys with on time. [To Alice] Come on toots, to the library!

10.07.147

Alice: I know we're going to the library, but where the hell is it?!

10.07.148

Austin : I am sure that Sarge will know [To Charlie] What is the quickest way?

10.07.149

Charlie: [Calls to Dave] Hellooo? Could you point us in the direction of the library, please??

10.07.150

Dave: Sure thing, it's back down the road half a mile, but I thought you were going to HARMA HQ?

Alice: Let's say we were. Where would that be?

Dave: Over on Main St. right. Just turn left at the bottom of this street and then half a mile up. It looks a bit like a library that's been turned into a prison.


;;; He did say this back in 10.07.096!

10.07.151

Austin : So they have not changed it much. That should be easy to spot.

10.07.152

Alice: [To Dave] See ya, loser!

Dave: Aw!

[The carriage zooms off, only to stop a few feet ahead, and reverses back.]

Alice: Was that left or right at the bottom of the street?

Dave: Left.

Alice: Great! See ya, loser!

[The carriage zooms off again, stopping a few feet ahead once again.]

Alice: Half a mile?

Dave: Yes.

Alice: And what does it look like?

Dave: Here, let me draw you a map.

[DAVE draws an incredibly detailed map including a photorealistic drawing of the building.]

Dave: There you go.

Alice: Thanks -- see ya, loser!

Dave: The handbrake is on.

Alice: I can't turn it off!

Dave: Let me. [Reaches in and releases it] Try now.

[The carriage inches forward.]

Alice: Great, thanks! Oh, and, see ya, loser!


;;; End of scene, next one coming up!

10.08.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene VIII. Near HARMA HQ. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and JORDAN are here, sitting in the carriage, a short distance from the building.]

Alice: Right, we have the password, and we have the tea. Do we need to disguise the carriage?

10.08.002

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10.08.003

Jordan: [Thoughtfully] Well I don't remember seeing it outside The House of Tease after Austin told me were to find the carriage I picked you guys up in. [Thoughtfully again] Probably better to hide it than disguise it. Would be quicker, and only one other person knows we have it here.

10.08.004

Charlie: [Pokes through her knapsack] Well, I have some note paper and pencils, though I do not think they will be of much help in disguising something so large! [Quickly draws a small sign that says Tea and features a stick figure nun carrying a tray with a tea set on it] What do you think?

10.08.008

Austin : I think we should hide that at the same time as the carriage. It would not do your reputation any good.

10.08.007

Jordan: [Chuckles] Totally. [Looks around] We could always park it at the back.

10.08.009

Alice: I think it needs to be way bigger if we're going to hide the carriage behind it!

10.08.010

Austin : In that case it may come as a relief to you that we are not going to hide the carriage behind it.

10.08.011

Charlie: Well, have we any other supplies with which to disguise it? [Searches the truck]

10.08.012

Jordan: [Tries to talk with a straight face] Alice's underwear?

10.08.013

Charlie: [Snorts in a most undignified way] Oh, quite! [Quickly, to Alice] Because they are comically oversized and grey, you see, which is a neutral color and good for camouflage. [Adds] Like my own, of course, which are equally sensible.

10.08.014

Jordan: [Howls with way too much amusement] Okay then, let's use your underwear instead then Chuckles!

10.08.015

Alice: I think you'll find that I actually have highly flouncy underwear! So flouncy, in fact, that you could probably hide the entire carriage in one of the flounces. [Does a quick and private check] Damn! I mean, but that would be foolish. Anyway, let's just paint Tease on the side of the carriage and be done with it.

10.08.016

Charlie: [Quickly] Agreed! But have we any paint?

10.08.017

Alice: Yep, there's a bunch of brown paint here, along with some funny round paintbrushes. [Picks up a toilet brush] Shall I paint?

10.08.017

Austin : No. We should just leave the carriage, that smelly fellow that owns it will find it eventually and no one will care. Besides, even a great artist like Van Chuff would have difficulty in turning this carriage into a masterpiece.

10.08.018

Last from Dom 17

Alice: [Having just finished painting "Hoes of Ts" on the side] Think again, my friend! Look at this!

10.08.019

Clint: A masterpiece, Bimbo. Now let's get out of here before anyone sees us!

10.08.019

Austin : [Deadpan] I sit corrected. Alice you are a genius! No one will have any idea of what in hells name is going on!

10.08.020

Charlie: [Holding her nose] No one will get near enough to investigate, in any case!

10.08.021

Alice: Because they are too busy standing back and observing the brilliance? Good point, Charlie! Okay, so, do we go in the front or the back? You know, we do have both the tea and the password.

10.08.022

Clint: Well, given that we've gone to all the effort to get the tea and the password, it'd be a shame not to use them! What's the worst that could happen?

10.08.023

Alice: We sell you as a sex slave to Joe Nunpar in exchange for being let go free?

10.08.024

Charlie: [Scolding] Alice, do be serious. Dur is much more Mr. Nunpar's type!

10.08.025

Alice: [Looks Dur up and down] Yeah... I see what you mean!

10.08.026

Austin : [Looks at Dur] Nonsense! Here bears no resemblance to a unicorn whatsoever! He barely resembles a donkey!

10.08.027

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10.08.028

Alice: No way! He totally looks like an ass!

10.08.029

Jordan: Ah, but does he behave like one?

10.08.030

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10.08.031

Alice: You're so full of hot air I think we just have to compare you to Clint!

10.08.032

Austin : But can you ethically justify that comparison? Perhaps we should continue with our mission.

10.08.033

Jordan: Balderdashery! One can always justify a comparison of that nature. But yes, let us continue with our mission.

10.08.033

Charlie: Indeed, especially since Alice went to the trouble of devising so clever a disguise for our carriage!

10.08.034

Alice: Well, everyone grab a pitcher of tea and let's go!

10.08.035

Charlie: [Quickly] Here, I shall get the doors for everyone, instead!

10.08.035

Clint: Well, this is the grossest thing I've done in at least a week... [Gets a pitcher of "tea."]

10.08.036

Jordan: Oh no, allow me! [Races ahead to get the door] A gentleman should always hold the door open for the ladies.

10.08.037

Clint: Okay, but what does that have to do with Chuck or Alice?

10.08.038

Alice: [Picks up a pitcher with a shaky hand] I sure hope I don't spill on any on whoever's holding the door!

[CHARLIE and JORDAN get to the door at the same time.]


;;; First to post gets it open!

10.08.039

Charlie: [Makes a very undignified dive for the door] Let me get that!!

10.08.040

[CHARLIE snatches the door and pulls it open as ALICE staggers towards her.]

Alice: It's gonna spill!

10.08.040

Austin : [Moves well clear of the impending tragedy] Most unnunly behavior! [Tries to avoid being near to the 'tea'] Perhaps you should consider careers in wrestling?

10.08.041

Jordan: [Looks at Charlie astonished] Yes, clearly Chuckles is more a gentleman than I could ever be. [Goes and picks up some 'tea' after seeing Alice approach.]


;;; Glad I went to the store when I did, would hate for Alice to spill

'tea' on Jordie

10.08.042

Clint: Well, see, that's the thing about academics. They're all happy to tell you what to do and how to do it, but pretty useless when it comes to actually doing it themselves!

10.08.043

Jordan: [To Clint while picking up the 'tea'] You mean Charlie isn't as much of an academic as I am? Oh my, I think you just broke her heart Clint.

10.08.043

Austin : Where as you do it yourself all the time, Mr Scar, yes? [Chuckles]

10.08.044

Clint: [Nods to Austin.] Those who can, do; those who can't, teach.

10.08.045

[ALICE continues to wave her tea pitcher around as CHARLIE pulls at the door, which is locked. It suddenly swings open, hitting ALICE, who spills tea over everyone, including herself. Enter GEORGE LA FORGE, a HARMA officer who the party has dealt with many times before.]

Alice: Glub!? I just swallowed a whole bunch!

George: What in the world is going on here?

10.08.046

Charlie: [Trying not to vomit] Er, delicious tea, good sir?! [Frantically shakes off the "tea" from her face and hands]

10.08.047

George: Tea? Tea? I ought to arrest you!

10.08.048

Clint: [Trying hard not to see what Dur is doing.] You wouldn't arrest a pack of nuns, would you?

10.08.049

George: I hate nuns! It's only a matter of time before you're all executed for being nuns!

10.08.050

Charlie: But you LOVE tea, do you not? And do you not think [in a very stagey voice] Joe Nunpar is really nice?

10.08.051

Jordan: Yeah, isn't he? He's so nice he makes me think about giving up my nunly vows and allowing myself physical contact with him.


;;; It had to be done.

10.08.052

George: [Dreamily] I know, he is very attractive. However, you don't get in here without a password.


;;; Maybe Jordan's dream might come true!!

10.08.053

Charlie: [Confidently] Joe Nunpar is really great!

10.08.054

George: Well then, come on in!

10.08.055

Austin : [Still in shock at being covered in 'tea'] Thank you. [Enters the building, muttering quietly to himself] It's just tea, just tea.

10.08.056

Charlie: [Enters] How wonderful! Oh, I do hope Joe Nunpar enjoys his tea!

10.08.057

Austin : Decaffeinated tea, Sister, we must not mislead the children of the lord.

10.08.058

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10.08.059

Jordan: Decaffeinated? I thought it was decovenated.

10.08.060

Alice: I thought we were strippers from the House of Tease!

George: Well, whoever you are and where ever you are from, you best come in and dry off! [Steps back to let the party in] We have a tea drying room in here. [Gestures to a nearby door]

10.08.061

Charlie: Marvelous! If you'll leave us to it, we shall get to work!

10.08.062

George: Uh, right you are! [Exits]

Alice: [Looks around] Hm. [Looks around some more] Hmmmm. [Looks around even more] Aha! [Dramatically] I don't think stuff is tea at all!

10.08.063

Clint: What gave it away, Bimbo? [Looks around for some way of getting de-tead.]

10.08.064

Alice: Actually, it was rather ingenious -- I realised that you smell better than you normally do! [Starts to take off her habit] Oh man! The one day that I didn't wear my flouncy underwear! [Reveals some awful grey underwear]

10.08.065

Charlie: We haven't time to worry about that now. We must fine Amelia and see if she, indeed, has some sort of feeling for Mr. Sleaze and might be persuaded to help us!

10.08.066

Clint: Even if she doesn't, I bet I know how we can "persuade" her!

10.08.067

Austin : [Frowns at Clint] Mr Scar, the only one doing any persuading with Amelia will be me, thank you very much.

10.08.068

Clint: You sure, lawyer? If she gets uppity, I can Seamus Danger her, no problem!

10.08.067

Alice: Are you going to threaten to take your clothes off if she doesn't help?

10.08.069

Alice: [Looks at the tea-soaked party] Are you really going to stay dressed like that?

10.08.069

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10.08.070

Clint: [Removes his nun costume.] Nah. Just got to get out of the habit, that's all.

10.08.071

Jordan: Messy habits at that. [Disrobes]

10.08.071

Austin : [Carefully slips out of his habit trying not to touch and of the tea bits] I have had coif enough of that. [Drops the coif to the floor]

10.08.072

Charlie: [Impatiently disrobes] Now, really, we must hurry. We do not wish to miss our window of opportunity to see Joe Nunpar drinking this dreadful tea! Er, I mean, to speak with Amelia!

10.08.073

Clint: [Eagerly.] Do you think we have time to do both, Sarge?

10.08.074

Jordan: Surely we can make time!

10.08.074

[The door swings open. Enter AMELIA.]

Amelia: What are you people doing! And that smell! That -- oh, [looks the virtually naked except for panda skin g-string Austin] Oh, [blushes slightly] hello Austin!

10.08.075

Charlie: [In a teasing sing-song voice] Hello Amelia! Austin wants to talk to you!

10.08.076

Amelia: [Licking her lips as she looks Austin up and down] What? Uh, okay.

10.08.078

Austin : In private? [Looks around for a private place or cupboard etc]

10.08.079

Amelia: My room is quite close by. It's [salaciously] very private.

10.08.080

Charlie: I think it best if we do not split the party, Mr. Sleaze. After all, we are in enemy territory. [To Amelia, cheerily] No offense! Here, have a cup of tea, won't you?

10.08.081

Amelia: Yes. I need the energy. [Knocks back a cup of tea] Mm! Right, Austin, let's go!

10.08.082

Austin : [To the party] This could take a while, you had better find some books to read, or something [Winks at the party and gestures them to follow in 1 min]

10.08.083

Charlie: [Nods subtly at Austin, and then groans] Oh, very well, but do hurry! We haven't all day for your canoodling!

10.08.084

[Exit AUSTIN and AMELIA.]

Alice: A minute? I mean, no disrespect, but Deucie often took almost twice as long as that!


;;; Drew is afk today

Jordan: What's the plan here? Are we just gonna burst in on them doing the nasty?

10.08.085

Charlie: [Shrugs] I suppose! Mr. Sleaze appears to have a plan. And he does know that horrid woman better than we do, so let us trust that he knows how to handle her to our advantage. [Checks her watch] Right, everyone be ready to go in 42 seconds!

10.08.086

[43 seconds later, the party exit through the door AMELIA entered with.]

Jordan: How will we know which room it is?

[The unmistakable sound of a cane comes from a nearby room.]

Alice: Ahem.

10.08.087

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10.08.088

Alice: [Peeks through the keyhole] I think Austin has the situation under control! He already has her tied up! We can just stroll in, totes nonch, and take the books.

10.08.089

Charlie: Splendid! [Goes to open the door. To Dur] Now, cover your eyes to avoid seeing anything I should not wish to explain to you later!

10.08.090

[CHARLIE quietly opens the door to reveal AMELIA tied to the bed and blindfolded. There are books all over the room, but everyone is immediately drawn to a stack on the dressing table, which are clearly much older than the rest.]

Amelia: Oh, you devil!

10.08.91

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10.08.92

Charlie: [To Dur] Sh! [Creeps over to the older books and tries to grab them]

10.08.94

Charlie: [Delighted, tucks the books safely in her knapsack and tries to creep back out of the room, whispering] Hurry!

10.08.095

Alice: [Loudly] What?

Amelia: [Strains at the ropes] Austin! What the hell is going on?

10.08.096

Austin : [Spanks Amelia. Laughing] My darling, it appears that you have just been robbed! I fear I must hunt these no good thieves down, and recover your belongings [Gestures to the party to leave. Gives Amelia a huge snog]

10.08.097

[Exit the party.]

Amelia: You said you loved me!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

10.09.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene IX. The Landing. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and JORDAN are here, all in their underwear.]

Jordan: Wow, nice going, Austin!

10.09.002

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxDQoNCj4gICAgW0Jvb2sgSVgsIEFjdCBYLCBTY2VuZSBJWC4gVGhl IExhbmRpbmcuIEFMSUNFLCBBVVNUSU4sIENIQVJMSUUsIENMSU5ULCBEVVIgYW5kIEpPUkRBTiBh cmUgaGVyZSwgYWxsIGluIHRoZWlyIHVuZGVyd2Vhci5dDQo+DQo+Sm9yZGFuOiBXb3csIG5pY2Ug Z29pbmcsIEF1c3RpbiENCg0KRHVyOiBJIHdvbmRlciBpZiB0aGlzIGlzIHdoeSBBbWVsaWEgaGFz IGJlZW4gc3VjaCBhIGh1Z2UgYml0Y2ggdG8geW91IGxhdGVseSBBdXN0aW4/DQoNCjs7OyBJZiBJ IHJlbWVtYmVyIGNvcnJlY3RseSBzaGUgZGlkIHN1ZGRlbmx5IGp1c3QgdHVybiBpbnRvIGEgdmVy eSB2ZW5nZWZ1bCB3b21hbiBkaWQgc2hlIG5vdD8NCg

10.09.003

Clint: You mean, now that he's abused her trust in addition to her backside, she hates him and wants to see him suffer? Knowing Amelia, does that seem very likely?

10.09.004

Alice: It must be, given that she turns up later in the day and tries to kill him. I mean, who hasn't tried to kill an ex-boyfriend, am I right?

10.09.005

Austin : Perhaps some running is in order?

;;awa hame

10.09.006

Clint: I hate to say this, but the lawyer's right. We should get the hell out of here. Even though that's not something we should [big pause] make a habit of, am I right?

10.09.007

Jordan: Quite right! Though I think we need some new disguises. I say, where did we leave our clothes?

10.09.008

Charlie: [Glances down at her ludicrously frothy pink flouncy underwear and sighs] Right. We can surely find some spare HARMA gear about somewhere? [Looks around for likely wardrobes or drawers to check]

10.09.009

[CHARLIE pulls open a closet, which appears to have a bunch of horse (two person, front and rear) costumes.]

Alice: These are funny looking horses! [Picks up a head end] Oh. It's unicorn!

10.09.010

Austin : [Looks at the unicorn constumes in disgust] Have they been ... used?

10.09.011

Alice: Ew! I hope not, as it looks like we have no other choice!

10.09.012

Charlie: [Quickly grabs a head] I'll take the front!!

10.09.013

Alice: Me too!

10.09.014

Austin : [Also goes for a front] Et moi.


;;;awa from 3pm, GMT

10.09.015

Charlie: [To Dur, Clint, and Jordan] Hello, back-ends!

10.09.016

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzE1DQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbVG8gRHVyLCBDbGludCwgYW5kIEpv cmRhbl0gSGVsbG8sIGJhY2stZW5kcyENCg0KRHVyOiBNYXliZSBhZnRlciB3ZSBkcmVzcyB1cCBh cyBob3JzZXMgbXkgZGVhciB3b21hbiwgZm9yIG5vdyB3ZSBzaG91bGQgZm9jdXMgb24gdGhlIG1p c3Npb24hDQo

10.09.017

Jordan: [Sniggering to Alice, Charlie and Austin] So, which of you lovely ladies wants me as the one staring at your ass?


;;; Whoever doesn't take Jordan as to put up with either Clint or Dur haha

10.09.018

Alice: Get in line, Jordie. [Tries to do a sassy moving her head from side-to-side and clicks her fingers but just looks very, very white]

10.09.018

Austin : [To Jordan, disdainfully] If you cannot tell the difference between a man and a woman when I am only wearing a g-string, then you have serious visual or mental issues. [Passes the unicorn head to Jordan, and takes up a back end] I shall be Alice's back end. [Forms up with Alice if she lets him]


;;;afk till MONDAY!

10.09.019

Jordan: [Happily takes the head] Excellent. My plan worked perfectly, now I don't have to be all bent over and hurting my back!


;;; Nooooo! Not allowed!

10.09.020

Austin : Your great plan also means that you have Clint or Dur coming in behind you. Good luck with that.

10.09.021

Jordan: That thought had not escaped me, but I confess I would rather be the front for either of them, than aggravate my back injury my good chap. Bloody collapsing book cases! [To Clint and Dur] Come on then, which one of you is going to be my back end, and which of you gets to be Charlies back end? [To Charlie] unless you want to be my back end, and put those two together?

10.09.022

Charlie: [To Jordan, primly] Do be serious. I shall be the leader of this unicorn! [To Dur, handing him a back-end] Here, join me at once, and Clint can join Jordan.

10.09.023

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzIyDQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbVG8gSm9yZGFuLCBwcmltbHldIERv IGJlIHNlcmlvdXMuICBJIHNoYWxsIGJlIHRoZSBsZWFkZXIgb2YgdGhpcyB1bmljb3JuISAgW1Rv IER1ciwgaGFuZGluZyBoaW0gYSBiYWNrLWVuZF0gSGVyZSwgam9pbiBtZSBhdCBvbmNlLCBhbmQg Q2xpbnQgY2FuIGpvaW4gSm9yZGFuLg0KDQpEdXI6IFtUYWtlcyB0aGUgZW5kIHNlY3Rpb24gYW5k IGRyZXNzZXNdIEkgaG9wZSB5b3UgZG9uJ3QgbWluZCBpZiBJIGVhdCBhIHNhbmR3aWNoIHdoaWxl IHlvdSBsZWFkIHRoZSB3YXkhDQo

10.09.023

Clint: Yeah sure, whatever. Can we just get out of here so we can watch Joe Nunpar drinking his tea? [Becomes a horse's ass for the moment.]

10.09.024

[Everyone is all geared up, ALICE and AUSTIN, CHARLIE and CLINT, DUR and JORDAN.]

Alice: Right! What noise do unicorns make? Moo! Moo!

10.09.025

Clint: You mean, what does the unicorn say?

10.09.026

Charlie: [Wisely] Unicorns are silent, other than the Head Unicorn. I am the Head Unicorn, so to make this realistic it really would be better for the rest of you to be quiet. [Dramatically] Now, trot along after me, my herd!

10.09.027

Jordan: Right you Chuckles! [To Clint] Come along Stinky! [Follows Charlie]

10.09.027

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

Last from heather 26

Alice: Head unicorn? Is that Joe's [hoof quotes] favorite?

--089e013c6a907a2db20502b7881f

10.09.028

Clint: [Nods and follows along, muttering under his breath.] This kind of thing never happened when Harvey was in charge!

10.09.029

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Last from Tom 28

[Enter JOE, holding a cup of "tea".]

Joe: Princess Sparkles? Lady Snowdrop? [Rubs his eyes] Missy Snooty Pants?

--089e0160c1564ba7570502b7d65d

10.09.030

Charlie: [Putting on an insanely sweet, cartoony voice] Jooooooe, darling! Drink your tea and gooooo to bed! We shall join you for a [visibly shudders] cuddle soooooon!

10.09.031

Last from Heather 30

Joe: Great! I have wonderful news about the plan that I want share with my three head girls! [Knocks back some tea and looks at it] Hm. [Falls down]

10.09.032

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMzMQ0KDQo+Sm9lOiBHcmVhdCEgSSBoYXZlIHdvbmRlcmZ1bCBuZXdz IGFib3V0IHRoZSBwbGFuIHRoYXQgSSB3YW50IHNoYXJlIHdpdGggbXkgdGhyZWUgaGVhZCBnaXJs cyEgW0tub2NrcyBiYWNrIHNvbWUgdGVhIGFuZCBsb29rcyBhdCBpdF0gSG0uIFtGYWxscyBkb3du XQ0KDQpIZWFkIFVuaWNvcm4ncyBBc3M6IFtNdWZmbGVkXSBXaGF0IGhhcHBlbmVkPyBEaWQgaXQg d29yaz8hDQo

10.09.033

Charlie: [Excited] Yes, and it was wonderful! [Muses] Though I do wish we knew what he was about to say about a plan.

10.09.034

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzMzDQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbRXhjaXRlZF0gWWVzLCBhbmQgaXQg d2FzIHdvbmRlcmZ1bCEgIFtNdXNlc10gVGhvdWdoIEkgZG8gd2lzaCB3ZSBrbmV3IHdoYXQgaGUg d2FzIGFib3V0IHRvIHNheSBhYm91dCBhIHBsYW4uDQoNCkhlYWQgVW5pY29ybidzIEFzczogUGVy aGFwcyB3ZSBjYW4gc2VhcmNoIGhpcyBxdWFydGVycyBmb3IgY2x1ZXMgb24gdGhpcyBzdXBwb3Nl ZCBwbGFuPyBJdCBjb3VsZCBiZSB1c2VmdWwgaW4gdGhlIGZ1dHVyZSENCg

10.09.035

Clint: Good call, Doc. If nothing else, we might find out all his embarrassing secrets! The ones we don't already know, I mean.

10.09.036

[The three unicorns step over JOE and approach the door of JOE's room.]

Austin: [Behind Alice] My, my, Alice, Jerome certainly increase the size of just about everything didn't he?

Alice: Including my capacity for punching people!

10.09.037

Charlie: [To Jordan and Clint, approaching Joe's door] Perhaps you two could tie up and gag Mr. Nunpar, just in case?

10.09.038

Austin: You could probably use some of the loose threads in Alice's enormous underpants.

10.09.039

Charlie: [Nods] Yes, do improvise! Perhaps use his own socks?

10.09.040

Jordan: [Guffaws] I say we use Stinky's socks instead!

10.09.041

Alice: Don't be crazy, Jordie! Then we'd have to smell his feet!

10.09.042

Charlie: [Attempts to open the door to Joe's room] Perhaps there is something we can use in here!

10.09.043

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzQyDQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbQXR0ZW1wdHMgdG8gb3BlbiB0aGUg ZG9vciB0byBKb2UncyByb29tXSBQZXJoYXBzIHRoZXJlIGlzIHNvbWV0aGluZyB3ZSBjYW4gdXNl IGluIGhlcmUhDQoNCkR1cjogTWF5YmUgd2Ugc2hvdWxkIGRyYWcgb2wnIEpvZSBpbiBoZXJlIHdp dGggdXM/IE1pZ2h0IGJlIHN1c3BpY2lvdXMgaXMgc29tZSBIQVJNQSB0cm9vcHMgc3R1bWJsZSB1 cG9uIGhpcyB1bmNvbnNjaW91cyBib2R5Li4uDQo

10.09.044

Alice: Good idea!

[CHARLIE opens the door as the others drag JOE in, only to spot GEORGE, along with a bunch of other HARMA officers, several of whom were with AMELIA at the start of this act, searching through JOE's stuff.]

George: Hey! What's going on?

10.09.045

Charlie: [Indignantly] That is precisely what Mr. Nunpar would like to know! It appears you have drugged him and then ransacked his room!

10.09.046

George: Are those the books you're holding? And are you a unicorn?

10.09.047

Charlie: [Laughs] A unicorn hiding books?! I think perhaps you have been sampling some of the intoxicants Mr. Nunpar took! We shall let you get back to it, then. [Tries to back out of the room and shut the door]

10.09.048

[CHARLIE starts to move back, causing JORDAN to back into ALICE, who's horn jabs him.]

Alice: Hey! Take it easy! What's the panic?

[Enter AMELIA.]

Amelia: We've been robbed! Someone stole The Books!

10.09.049

Charlie: It was him! [Points at George] And he also drugged Mr. Nunpar!!

10.09.050

George: Liar! You're the one holding The Books!


;;; This is true, as unicorns do not have pockets!

Austin: Let's get out of here!

10.09.050

Clint: [Doing his best impression of the rear end of a unicorn.]

10.09.051

Charlie: [Tries to disengage from Dur] Hurry, group! Protect the books!

10.09.052

[The party race out onto the street, still in their costumes, as DUR proves difficult to disentangle.]

Alice: Oh no! Where's the carriage? We hid it so well we'll never be able to find it!

[The carriage is right across the street.]

10.09.053

Charlie: [Dragging Dur along. Delighted] Marvelous, I knew making Alice the head of the Carriage-Hiding Committee would pay off! [Heads for the carriage]

10.09.054

[The UNICORNS all load into the carriage, with ALICE and AUSTIN, still in their outfit, somehow sitting in the driving seat.]

Alice: Hooray! They'll never know where to find us now!

[The HARMA officers race out into the street, led by GEORGE.]

George: Where are they? [Spots the three unicorns in the carriage] There! Those unicorns might have seen them!

10.09.055

Jordan: [Looking at GEORGE as a unicorn head still] Seen who?

10.09.056

George: Hey! There they are! Let's get them!

10.09.057

Charlie: [Gasps, fumbling for a book] Drive, Alice!! I shall try to read as much as I can of these books!


;;;Can Charlie still speed-read??

10.09.058

Alice: Hit the gas, Aus!

[The carriage zooms off as ALICE gives GEORGE and the others the middle hoof.]

Alice: See ya, suckers!

[CHARLIE pulls the first of the books open, only to see that it is written in the same language that the new prophecy is written in.]


;;; Reminder:

<a href=http://queens-view.com/wiki/images/4/47/Prophecy2.png>New Prophecy</A>


;;; Toril won't be able to come back, so please make sure she's off the list

10.09.059

Jordan: [Tries to look over Charlie's shoulder] What does it say?

10.09.060

Clint: Looks to me like it says "Let Clint out of the unicorn suit."

10.09.061

Charlie: [Excited] More text to translate, how marvelous! [To Jordan] I do not know at present, but we can [starry-eyed] research!

10.09.060

Alice: Oh, man! Can anyone read this?

George: Look! There's a name written on their carriage! Hoes of T? What the hell is that?

10.09.062

Alice: Oh god! This is worse than I thought! [Shakes an angry hoof at George] It's the House of Teas you illiterate! [To the party] Honestly, some people! [Does a double take] Hey! Look! Is that Jordan walking along the street?

[JORDAN appears to be strolling along the street, wearing the clothes he was when he picked up the party. He doesn't appear to notice the carriage full of UNICORNS (which include JORDAN, of course).]

10.09.063

Clint: [To Unicorn Jordan.] Quick! What did we do?

10.09.064

Jordan: I only saw Austin. We have to wait for the earthquakes and thunderstorms to start, that's when I'll head in Errol's, where Austin finds me and tells me about the nun's carriage that I was driving when I picked you guys up at the back. [Turns to Austin] You were wearing the suit you were wearing when you were climbing out the window, so you need to get changed back in to your earlier clothes.

10.09.065

Alice: Oh no! Where are your clothes, Austin?

Austin: [Admiring a perfectly manicured unicorn claw] I have them with me.

[There's a sudden crack of thunder as ALICE jams on the brakes.]

Alice: Oh no! It's a dead end! We have to go back towards the HARMA guys!

10.09.066

Charlie: We cannot let them reclaim the books! [To Austin] Drive as if you were Alice! Perhaps frightening, erratic driving will scare the HARMA agents out of our path!

10.09.067

Clint: Or we could just get out and walk!

10.09.068

Alice: You know who's really good at driving as though they were Alice? Alice! [Starts heading at speed towards the HARMA officers, as the ground begins to shake]

10.09.069

Clint: [Hanging on for dear life, with a white-hooved grip.] Let's go! We've got a schedule to keep!

10.09.070

[The oncoming HARMA carriage skids to a halt and the HARMA officers leap out, preparing to fire on the party.]

Alice: [Covers her eyes with a hoof] We're all gonna die!

10.09.071

Charlie: [To the HARMA officers] Get out of our way, or we shall burn these precious books!

10.09.072

George: Hey, we're HARMA, that's what we do!

10.09.073

Charlie: Oh, we shall do it, just you watch! And we will do it with more flair and ceremony than you ever dreamed. People will call us HARMA PLUS, and you will be made obsolete!

10.09.074

Jordan: Yeah! We'll be so PLUS that even Joe Nunpar will love and adore us!

10.09.075

George: Nooooo! Fire! Kill them! Kill them all!

[The earthquake rips through the street, forming a massive ramp immediately in front of the party. Their carriage shoots up it and high into the air and over the HARMA officers.]

George: [Looks up] What the hell? [Gets a face full of something disgusting look] Hey! Unicorn poop?

10.09.076

Charlie: [Delighted] How wonderful! Fate has dealt us a very favorable hand, indeed!

10.09.077

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzc2DQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbRGVsaWdodGVkXSBIb3cgd29uZGVy ZnVsISAgRmF0ZSBoYXMgZGVhbHQgdXMgYSB2ZXJ5IGZhdm9yYWJsZSBoYW5kLCBpbmRlZWQhDQoN CkR1cjogU3VyZSwgZmF0ZS4gSWYgeW91IGJlbGlldmUgaW4gdGhhdCBraW5kIG9mIHRoaW5nIQ0K

10.09.078


;;; Dom is still out?

Austin: [Reappearing from the bottom of the unicorn suit, somehow wearing all his clothes from earlier] Fate as in the sense that Sven/Phili needs us alive for something!

[The carriage has shot completely over over the HARMA officers and is plunging towards the ground at an alarming rate.]

Alice: Hang on!

10.09.079

Jordan: To what? Each other?

10.09.080

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERyZXcgIzc5DQoNCj5Kb3JkYW46IFRvIHdoYXQ/IEVhY2ggb3RoZXI/DQoNCkR1 cjogSnVzdCB3YXRjaCB0aGUgaGFuZHMgeW91ISBJIGRvbid0IG5lZWQgc29tZSBwZXJ2eSBwb2V0 IHdyaXRpbmcgcHJvc2UgYWJvdXQgbXkgcHJpdmF0ZXMhDQo

10.09.080

Alice: I don't know! I'm too busy driving to worry about those little details!

10.09.081

Austin : [Holds on to Alice] I've got you! don't worry! [Looks like he is about to cry] I'm too young and beautiful to die!

10.09.082

Clint: [Gripping any stray handhold he can manage.] . But not too manly!

10.09.083

Jordan: [Holding on to whatever he can, even Clint if necessary] Oh no, never too manly!

10.09.084

Charlie: [Tries to use Dur as a protective cushion] Be a good lad, and I shall send a few coppers to your widow, in the event of your untimely death!

10.09.085

Austin : Perhaps the carriage has a parachute! [Looks frantically around for a big red handle to pull]

10.09.086

Alice: Noooooooooo [time passes] oooooo! [Opens her eyes] Hey, what's going on?

[Miraculously, the carriage is hanging off a tree.]

10.09.087

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM4Ng0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IE5vb29vb29vb29vIFt0aW1lIHBhc3Nlc10g b29vb29vISBbT3BlbnMgaGVyIGV5ZXNdIEhleSwgd2hhdCdzIGdvaW5nIG9uPw0KPg0KPiAgICAg ICBbTWlyYWN1bG91c2x5LCB0aGUgY2FycmlhZ2UgaXMgaGFuZ2luZyBvZmYgYSB0cmVlLl0NCg0K RHVyOiBBbm90aGVyIHN0cm9rZSBvZiBnb29kIGZvcnR1bmUuIFNhZGx5LCBJIGRvbid0IHRoaW5r IHdlIGhhdmUgdGltZSB0byBqdXN0IFtwYXVzZXMgZm9yIGVmZmVjdF0gaGFuZyBvdXQhDQo

10.09.088

Alice: At least it broke the fall! Now, how do we get it down from here?

10.09.089

Charlie: Let us very slowly exit the carriage, one at a time. We do not wish to cause it to tip by all suddenly leaving!

10.09.090

Austin : [Looks slightly alarmed at this prospect] I shall go first, to make sure it's safe [Tries to climb down]

10.09.091

[AUSTIN starts to move, causing the carriage to rock and creak. A tiny bird lands on the front of the carriage, causing it to slip, but not fall yet. AUSTIN is jarred and falls, but hangs onto the edge of the carriage. Fortunately, the carriage is only about ten feet off the ground.]

10.09.092

Austin : [Drops lightly to the ground and casually moves away from under the carriage. To Alice] Your parking has improved!

10.09.093

Charlie: Right, we had better do this quickly! I shall go next. [Tries to slip from the carriage and jump to the ground]

10.09.094

[Soon everyone is off the carriage.]

Alice: Right! Everyone remember where we parked!

[The carriage falls off the tree and smashes to pieces.]

10.09.095

Charlie: [Gasps] Hurry, we must run away before HARMA catches up with us!

10.09.096

Alice: Except you, Aus, you need to go the opposite way, to the House of Tease, to meet with Jordie. [Turns dramatically to the charging HARMA officers] Maybe it's time we do some charging of our own?

10.09.097

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM5Ng0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IEV4Y2VwdCB5b3UsIEF1cywgeW91IG5lZWQg dG8gZ28gdGhlIG9wcG9zaXRlIHdheSwgdG8gdGhlIEhvdXNlIG9mIFRlYXNlLCB0byBtZWV0IHdp dGggSm9yZGllLiBbVHVybnMgZHJhbWF0aWNhbGx5IHRvIHRoZSBjaGFyZ2luZyBIQVJNQSBvZmZp Y2Vyc10gTWF5YmUgaXQncyB0aW1lIHdlIGRvIHNvbWUgY2hhcmdpbmcgb2Ygb3VyID5vd24/DQoN CkR1cjogT1IuLi4uIHBlcmhhcHMgd2UganVzdCBuZWVkIGFuIGFpciBvZiBteXN0ZXJ5IHRvIGhp ZGUgb3VyIHJldHJlYXQhIFtEdXIgdHJpZXMgdG8gY2FzdCBPQlNDVVJJTkcgTUlTVF0NCg

10.09.098

Austin : [Coughing in the mist, wafting it our of the way] Was that magic or just your personal musk? [Avoids the cloud and heads for the House of Tease]

10.09.099

Alice: See you there in a few minutes, Aus! [To the party] Let's go! [Races off down the opposite street]

10.09.100

Charlie: [Follows Alice, fretting] Oh, I do hope we are actually able to spend some time analyzing these books soon!

10.09.101

Alice: Yeah, that's what we all hope!

[A carriage driving down the street towards them screeches to a halt. Sitting inside, mouth open in shock, is RED, last seen at the start of this act in the House of Tease.]

<P><a href=http://queens-view.com/wiki/index.php/Red_McDaniel>Red McDaniel</A>

10.09.102

Charlie: [Gasps] Red?! Where have you been?

10.09.103

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Red: [Blushing] Not sure=2C I got distracting thinking about a spell and then you were gone. But=2C I found you guys again! [Smiles awkwardly] =

--_2a84f730-f5f1-4e23-a484-fe09ebfb0a03_

10.09.104

Clint: That's nice. Say, can we get a lift? We just need to wait for the lawyer. Well, not /need/ as such, but we probably should.

10.09.104

Alice: Maybe we should just meet him around the back of the House of Tease? After all, we did see him escape out that way earlier.

10.09.105

Clint: Sure. But let's meet him with a get away carriage! They're handy things!

10.09.106

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Red: I got the carriage [pauses] ... but why are you guys unicorns? =

--_2f4d3d18-42d9-4809-bf2e-2dbe89ad7e99_

10.09.106

Alice: Because we'd stand out too much if we were nuns!

10.09.107

Jordan: [Gently nudges Charlie to get her attention then whispers to her] Who is this guy?

10.09.108

Alice: Great timing, Red! [To Jordan] He was with us in the House of Tease!

10.09.109

Charlie: [To Jordan] Indeed, he is Red, our former colleague! [Nods to Jordan] And Red, this is Jordan, another companion of ours and, to some, a poet of some consequence, if you like that sort of thing!

10.09.110

Jordan: [Offers Red a hoof] Pleasure to meet you Red. [To the party] Speaking of the House of Tease, we need to go meet Austin there once he is done telling me to pick you lot up in the nun's carriage.

10.09.111

Alice: To the House of Tease!

[The carriage races off, leaving HARMA officers in the dust. Soon they approach the House of Tease, where AUSTIN stands nonchalantly, drinking some tea from an impossibly delicate looking tea cup.]

10.09.112

Jordan: [To Austin, after opening the carriage door] Did everything go to plan? Did you remember to tell me where and when to be to steal the nun's carriage?


;;; These carriages must be some size when you think about how many

are in the party at times and everyone is able to get in.

10.09.113

Charlie: [To Austin] Mr. Sleaze, your lack of urgency concerns me! We really must keep moving, do you not think?!

10.09.114

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Red: So we are still in a hurry it seems. [To Jordan] A pleasure to meet=2Cbut no time to greet! =

--_aa56a1fd-40b2-407d-b100-ce423c0584f7_

10.09.115

Austin : [To the party casually] What part of perfection do you not understand? Perhaps I can explain it to you. [Sips his tea]

10.09.116

Alice: The part I don't understand is how people who are not perfect often claim they are.

10.09.117

Austin : That's because they all wish they were as beautiful as me.

10.09.118

Alice: Poor Austin, how awful life must be for you. [Sighs] And if you're finished being all Austinny, can you please get in the carriage so we can get the hell out of this awful town before and one of half a dozen weirdoes kills us?

10.09.119

Austin : [Chucks his cup and saucer away and gets in the carriage] It's not all that bad Alice. Some one has to be the best, it might as well be me. [Shrugs, lights up a cigarette in a ridiculously long holder]

10.09.120

Charlie: [Alarmed] But I never come in second place! And I was never informed that there was a competition! And what was the criteria? [Looks at Austin dubiously] Neatness?

10.09.121

Austin : That is exactly the point. No one was informed, as perfection does not require a prior provision of information and criteria. If you have to ask, you are not eligible for the the competition. [Blows some smoke rings]

10.09.122

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjMTIxDQoNCj5BdXN0aW4gOiBUaGF0IGlzIGV4YWN0bHkgdGhlIHBvaW50 LiBObyBvbmUgd2FzIGluZm9ybWVkLCBhcyBwZXJmZWN0aW9uIGRvZXMgbm90IHJlcXVpcmUgYSBw cmlvciBwcm92aXNpb24gb2YgaW5mb3JtYXRpb24gYW5kIGNyaXRlcmlhLiBJZiB5b3UgaGF2ZSB0 byBhc2ssIHlvdSA+YXJlIG5vdCBlbGlnaWJsZSBmb3IgdGhlIHRoZSBjb21wZXRpdGlvbi4gW0Js b3dzIHNvbWUgc21va2UgcmluZ3NdDQoNCkR1cjogQWxsIHRoZSBtb3JlIHJlYXNvbiBmb3IgdXMg dG8gYmUgb24gb3VyIHdheSBzd2lmdGx5LiBJJ20gc3VyZSBIQVJNQSB3aWxsIG11cmRlciB5b3Ug anVzdCBhcyB0aG9yb3VnaGx5IGRlc3BpdGUgeW91ciBjbGFpbWVkIHBlcmZlY3Rpb24hDQo

10.09.123

Jordan: Actually, I heard they have outlawed perfection, and will murder him for it, not despite it.

10.09.124

Alice: Maybe the reason he won the perfection competition is that he's the only one in it? And also, if they have outlawed perfection and murder everyone who's perfect, why then is Austin still alive and spewing his perfectedness all over us?

10.09.125

Jordan: Probably because he is too perfect to be either caught or killed, because HARMA doesn't stand a chance against perfection.

10.09.126

Charlie: [Nods impatiently] Yes, yes, but when did the competition close?! And with whom can I speak about the unfairness of this process and insist the competition be reopened at once, with a new emphasis on something more worthwhile, like academic scholarship!

10.09.127

Austin : The competition never closes, and is always unfair. Perfection does, however, exclude academic scholarship. Have you ever met an academic that was flawless?

10.09.128

Clint: Right. Sorry, but there's no room in the carriage for you two and your egos. We only have so much space in here, you know, and we need it for more important things, like Dur's spare sandwiches!

10.09.129

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Last from Tom

Alice: Well said, Stinky! Let's ride off into tr sunset!


;;; And they do! End of act!

--089e0160bcb4bb91360503445fc0

10.01.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene I. The Carriage. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, JORDAN and RED race away from Nostalgia, most still dressed as unicorns. To their surprise, another unicorn, and also, clearly a fake, stands at the side of the road, smoking a cheeseratte, hoof out, hitching a lift.]

Alice: That's kind of weird, isn't it?


;;; Yes, the number is right, and this IS Act X. A mistake way back in

#09.05.003 of the last

;;; act propagated right the way through!

10.01.002

Charlie: Indeed, let us inquire from a safe distance. Slow the carriage and I shall ask it to identify him/herself!

10.01.003

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Red: I feel like I'm standing out=2C where can I get a costume? =

--_177e5013-8a8e-4262-b3be-bc91271c3d62_

10.01.004

Charlie: We stole them from Joe Nunpar, so we do not have a spare. Keep your face hidden as we approach this stranger, just in case, but I suspect we should all like to shed this costumes at the earliest convenience!

10.01.005

Alice: I don't know, Red, I think your costume is hilarious! Those pants, that funny nose? And, OMG, that hair? Where on earth did you get that wig? In the ... [struggles to think of where he might have got such a thing] funny wig shop?

[RED stops a reasonable distance from the UNICORN, who clearly spots the party in their outfits.]

Unicorn: Hey! Totes horn!

10.01.006

Charlie: [Groans] Oh, I recognize that irritating manner of speech! [Calls out] Hello, there! Why are you dressed as a unicorn?


;;; Fletch, I think his name was??

10.01.007

Unicorn: It was the only way I could escape from those crazy monks. They're terrified of unicorns!

Alice: [To the party] That's a weirdly specific thing to be afraid of, not to mention an oddly specific thing for him to just have on hand.


;;; Maybe!

10.01.008

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Red: [Whispers from behind the party] Ask him if he has another suit. =

--_a868429a-27b8-492c-bf42-024921dcb507_

10.01.007

Austin : Probably for the same reason that you are? [Muses] Or because unicorns are 'Totes ossum'.

10.01.009

Alice: Do you have another suit?

Unicorn: Of course, I'd hardly go out without my bear suit, would I?

[The unicorn's rear end speaks up]

Ass: How many times do I have to tell you? That's not a bear suit, you're just really hairy!

Unicorn: [To the party] It's a bear suit. I'm wearing it right now, as a matter of fact.

Ass: Ew!

10.01.010

Charlie: Yes, but have you another unicorn suit? And do tell us more about these odd monks you mentioned!

10.01.011

Unicorn: Totes craze! Lots of head bonking, lots of counting, lots of ending of the world.

Ass: You can have my half of the suit! This guy is Totes Flatch!

10.01.012

Austin : I really dont know what the obession with unicorns is about, but can we get moving?


;;; pretty sure Aus is in a very smart suit, without any unicorns?

10.01.013

Alice: If this really is Fletch, shouldn't we pick him up?


;;; True, but he's the only one, other than Red

10.01.014

Charlie: [Sighs] If he promises to be very, very quiet!

10.01.015

Jordan: [To Red] There's always the half a unicorn suit Austin was wearing earlier.


;;; Sorry, been out all day. Last minute arrangements.

10.01.016

Clint: Or we could just de-unicorn ourselves before someone gets the wrong idea!

10.01.017

Unicorn: I've already got the wrong idea!

10.01.018

Charlie: [To Clint] I fear we should stay in uniform until we better understand this cult and its fears! [To the Fletch Unicorn] With whom are you traveling, Fletch?

10.01.019

Fletch: [Taking off the unicorn head] It's Pinky!

Pinky: [Appearing from the bottom of the unicorn, looking disgusted] Why the hell do you eat so many lentils?

Fletch: Totes reg, baby!


;;; The party last saw these two in Book IX, Act II

10.01.020

Charlie: [Smiles at Pinky] Hello again, Pinky. [In a lower voice, nodding subtly at Fletch] Are you quite desperate for money, now that you are no longer employed by Mr. Sotot and I? [Hands him a copper piece] Perhaps I could find steady work for you [vaguely] hauling things?

10.01.021

Pinky: Hey! We're in love! Don't be so insulting. [Grabs the copper piece]

10.01.022

Austin : Don't be so ungrateful, that was one of her better insults!

10.01.023

Fletch: I liked it, totes dismiss! [Gets to climb on board the carriage] You all heading to the porno?


;;; Out for two hours!

10.01.024

Charlie: [Puzzled] The Pan-Oceanic Revolution's Nautical Ornithology meeting?! [Muses] I had considered it, but tickets sell out so fast. . . . [To Fletch, excited] Wait, have you an extra ticket?!

10.01.025

Last from Heather 24

Fletch: Sure! All the geeks and nerds will be there!

10.01.026

Charlie: [Thrilled] How wonderful! [To the party] Quickly, pull yourselves together so we do not miss the registration session. [To Fletch] Is it true the first 20 attendees receive a miniature glow-in-the-dark spotting scope that functions as a keychain?!

10.01.027

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgMjYNCg0KPkNoYXJsaWU6IFtUaHJpbGxlZF0gSG93IHdvbmRlcmZ1 bCEgIFtUbyB0aGUgcGFydHldIFF1aWNrbHksIHB1bGwgeW91cnNlbHZlcyB0b2dldGhlciBzbyB3 ZSBkbyBub3QgbWlzcyB0aGUgcmVnaXN0cmF0aW9uIHNlc3Npb24uICBbVG8gRmxldGNoXSBJcyBp dCB0cnVlIHRoZSBmaXJzdCA+MjAgYXR0ZW5kZWVzIHJlY2VpdmUgYSBtaW5pYXR1cmUgZ2xvdy1p bi10aGUtZGFyayBzcG90dGluZyBzY29wZSB0aGF0IGZ1bmN0aW9ucyBhcyBhIGtleWNoYWluPyEN Cg0KRHVyOiBbR3JvYW5pbmddIERvIHdlIHJlYWxseSBoYXZlIHRpbWUgZm9yIHRoYXQ/DQo

10.01.028

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Red: [Whispers=2C still semi-hidden] So=2C are we still on the same quest=2C and will I be required to dress like an animal of sorts?

--_d3688527-d368-4f8d-b253-f217faca4ebf_

10.01.029

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Last from Maikel 28

Fletch: There's always time for an anal scope at a porno! [To Red] You won'tbe required to, but you can if you want. We won't judge. Totes ope.=20=

--Apple-Mail-39B72DBA-806D-4BA8-AD01-176BE0A7D96C

10.01.030

Last from Conor 29

Jordan: [To Red] Do you want to be dressed as an animal?


;;; Did 'we' ever find out who that hooded figure was that Will left with?

;;; Are 'we' still trying to find the cause of the Reveals?

10.01.031

Austin : Or dress yourself as an anmial?

10.01.032

Charlie: Whether we go to the PORNO meeting or not, we really should not linger, just in case HARMA is still following us!

10.01.033

Fletch: [To Charlie] I like your style! HARMA hate porno!


;;; We still haven't figured out who Will left with, and several different

;;; cults have claimed responsibility for the Reveals, but it isn't

;;; clear yet who actually is

10.01.033

Austin : [Looks doubtfully at Charlie. To Alice] Better step on the gas, sweet cheeks, we don't want to be late. No one wants to be late.

10.01.034

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Red: [To Jordan] Hmm=2C I thought no=2C but now I see you all=2C it might be something. I have heard that my kind like quirky stuff=2C so that might b= e it. [To Alice] I also heard that blonds are very good in getting somewhere fast while driving=2C care to prove it? [Looks intrigued to the unicorn s= uits] --_2abfb0a2-d27f-4316-a882-cba36560bebb_

10.01.035

Jordan: [To Red, intrigued] Your kind?

10.01.036

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERyZXcgIzM1DQoNCj5Kb3JkYW46IFtUbyBSZWQsIGludHJpZ3VlZF0gWW91ciBr aW5kPw0KDQpEdXI6IEFzIGluIHBlcnZlcnRzPw0K

10.01.037

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Red: As in magic user=2C but there are indeed stories about very old ones going extremely pervy. =

--_e6ef939d-e028-4467-ac08-edfc681bff39_

10.01.038

Clint: Haw! That's true about old people in general! Buncha sickos, I tell ya!

10.01.039

Jordan: [To Red] Not all of us magic users are perverts. Or do you mean only the ones not musically inclined?

10.01.040

Alice: Stinky is right, I mean, he is the perfect example of a pervy old person!

10.01.041

Charlie: Indeed. [To Fletch] And what is your interest in the PORNO meeting?

10.01.042

Fletch: I'm the star of the show!

Alice: Let me guess, you're some sort of [finger quotes] guest speaker who's there to talk about Science and Stuff, [smirks at Charlie's naivete] but then you take off all your clothes and have sex with everyone?

Fletch: Not exactly. I'm naked when I turn up.

Pinky: It's a follow up to Bitanic, where a scientist goes down on a ship.

10.01.042

Austin : Apart from the free nibbles.

10.01.043

Jordan: Sounds like a fascinating experience. We should go there at once.

10.01.044

Charlie: [Looks at Fletch skeptically] I know you are not a scientist, and you do not look like a water fowl. Surely you cannot be serious about your starring role at this conference?

10.01.045

Clint: I think he's totes serious, Sarge. Unfortunately. And don't call him Shirley.

10.01.046

Jordan: [To Clint] I get the feeling Chuckles thinks everybody is secretly called Shirley.

10.01.047

Pinky: Of course he's serious. Fletch is one of the most respected pornographic actors at the moment. In the last two weeks he's made 134 films.

Alice: What has that got to do with Science and Stuff?

Pinky: Most scientists now work in porn.


;;; Out all day tomorrow, back to normal on Wednesday!

10.01.048

Austin : There goes the neighborhood!

10.01.049

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Red: Should I be happy or very scared for scientifically correct porn? =

--_13205e65-7d5b-457e-8777-8e0f82af2b99_

10.01.050

Austin : [Cringing at the thought] Terrified. Just imagine a systematic review of alphanumerically ordered dungeon equipment, from crop sizes 1 to 16, through paddles to whips 1 through 30, before sex. It takes all day and that's before the 'schedules' start! A good length of silk rope, a blind fold and some massage oil is as complicated as it ever needs to get, in my book. No audits required.

10.01.051

Alice: Oh, sweet, innocent and naive Austin! [Sighs sadly] Deucie loved his schedules. Sometimes they would take a whole weekend!

10.01.052

Charlie: [Sighs dreamily] Organization IS fun!

10.01.053

Austin : No it isn't. It's incredibly boring. [To Alice, laughing] I prefer having sex to following schedules, thank you. Schedules are simply a waste of time.

10.01.054

Alice: Not if they are [finger quotes] sexdules.

Fletch: Are guys in the movie?

10.01.055

Charlie: [Perplexed] You mean the conference video diary? Indeed, the field of Nautical Ornithology is still quite dominated by males. But let us go see for ourselves! [To the party] Perhaps we can find a linguist with a passion for birds who might help us with our translation!

10.01.056

Alice: You mean one that's really smart? Or rather, cunning?

10.01.057

Jordan: Or both? Let's face it, if you're going to be cunning, being smart will help a lot.

10.01.058

TGFzdCBmcm9tIE1hcmMgIzU3DQoNCj5Kb3JkYW46IE9yIGJvdGg/IExldCdzIGZhY2UgaXQsIGlm IHlvdSdyZSBnb2luZyB0byBiZSBjdW5uaW5nLCBiZWluZyBzbWFydCB3aWxsIGhlbHAgYSBsb3Qu DQoNCkR1cjogQmFoLCB3aG8gbmVlZHMgdG8gYmUgc21hcnQ/IEl0IG9ubHkgbGVhZHMgdG8gb3Zl ciB0aGlua2luZyBldmVyeXRoaW5nIQ0KDQo7OzsgYnR3IEkgd2lsbCBiZSBvdXQgdG9tb3Jyb3cg YW5kIEZyaWRheSBiZWNhdXNlIEkgYW0gaGF2aW5nIGxhc2VycyBzaG90IGludG8gbXkgZXllcy4N Cg

10.01.059

Alice: In my experience, smartness doesn't really need to have anything to do with cunning linguists.


;;; Ew!

10.01.060

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM1OQ0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IEluIG15IGV4cGVyaWVuY2UsIHNtYXJ0bmVz cyBkb2Vzbid0IHJlYWxseSBuZWVkIHRvIGhhdmUgYW55dGhpbmcgdG8gZG8gd2l0aCBjdW5uaW5n IGxpbmd1aXN0cy4NCg0KRHVyOiBBbmQgaG93IGV4dGVuc2l2ZSBpcyB0aGF0ICdleHBlcmllbmNl Jz8NCg0KPjs7OyBFdyENCg0KOzs7IExldHMganVzdCBob3BlIHRoZXkgYXJlIGJldHRlciBkb2N0 b3JzIHRoYW4gRHVyIGlzIQ0K

10.01.061

Alice: Extensive.


;;; Let's just hope they ARE doctors!

10.01.062

Charlie: [Nods obliviously] Indeed, Deuce was a skilled linguist and helped us translate the prophecy, though to be fair you were not really involved with him very long.


;;; Have a good eye-laserin', Kevin!

10.01.063

Jordan: Even the smallest amount of time can be of the utmost importance.


;;; I hope they are real Doctors and don't do this

;;; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nGI1fzYqZLM

;;; Though if I was a real doctor I would do it anyway for the kicks

10.01.064

Clint: You people make me sick, worrying about your sex lives at a time like this, when we have a world to save! I'd expect that from Chuck, but et tu, Bimbo?


;;; Likewise! Also, let's hope that this (a) sends and (b) did not

already send.

10.01.064

Alice: Will there be cunning linguists at the porn film?

Fletch: Totes!

10.01.065

Jordan: But Clint, everybody likes a skilled cunning linguist!


;;; I'm totally not awake today. It took me way longer than it should

have to get that play on words.

10.01.066

Clint: Sure, so rather than talking about how much we want to find a cunning linguist, let's just go do it!

10.01.067

Fletch: Alright! To the porn set! Finley will be totes thrilled!

10.01.068

Charlie: Oh, how marvelous! Is my mother with Alistair, as well?!

10.01.069

Fletch: I dunno. Is she a dwarf hooker?

10.01.069

Clint: Not something I'd be wanting to think about if I were you, Sarge, given our recent discussions!

10.01.070

Jordan: Maybe Alistair is her cunning linguist. Or does he only cater for dwarf hookers?

10.01.071

Charlie: [Baffled] Alistair Finley is the father of modern cryptozoology, not a linguist! [To Fletch] And my mother is not a dwarf or a ship. Now, do be sensible, and take us to Alistair at once. We shall ask him for his assistance ourselves.

10.01.072

Fletch: Totes! We just need to stop at the school uniform shop.

10.01.073

Charlie: [Firmly] You may do that after you deliver us. [To Pinky, in a low voice] Do keep your woman in line, please!

10.01.074

Austin : [To Pinky] She's just going through a 'stage', we hope she will grow out of it soon.

10.01.075

Pinky: Yeah, she was like that when I worked for Pestilence too. Yap, yap, yap! We're likely to be arrested unless we turn up without school uniforms.

10.01.076

Charlie: Why on earth would that be the case?! Who is making these inexplicable rules?

10.01.077

Pinky: HARMA. If they think we're scientists, they'll arrest us.

10.01.078

Austin : [Looks over the party] I think we are okay on that one. However, two school uniforms would go well with Alice and Charlie. They are most sciencey of all of us.

10.01.079

Pinky: [Looks Austin up and down] Spoken like a true scientist.

10.01.080

Austin : Lawyer. The differences is in the charm, charisma, good looks and the 15k GC suit.

10.01.081

Pinky: Don't forget the complete absence of morality.

10.01.082

Charlie: Indeed! But are we to wear both unicorn and school costumes?! Will that not look rather odd?

10.01.083

Pinky: That would look ridiculous. All we need to do is wear school uniforms and carry a bunch of cushions in the shape of kangaroos.

10.01.084

Clint: I'm probably going to regret this, but why kangaroos?

10.01.085

Jordan: [To Clint] If it makes you feel any better Stinky, you just took the words right out of my mouth.

10.01.086

Pinky: It's what the public want. [Disgust] Damned perverts.

Fletch: [Sits behind the wheel] Totes uni?

10.01.087

Charlie: [Delighted] At last! [Dramatically] To the university!

10.01.088

Alice: There's a sex shop at the university?

Pinky: And every possible drug you could imagine.

Alice: At least some things haven't changed.

[Exit ALL, zooming off into the distance.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

10.02.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene II. Approaching Nostalgia University. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, JORDAN, RED, PINKY and FLETCH are here, all crammed into the carriage.]

Alice: So Nostalgia University isn't in Nostalgia?

Pinky: It was, but they felt that things were better in the past, so they moved it.

10.02.002

Jordan: You mean we have to travel through time to get there? What is it with all the time travel lately?

10.02.003

Clint: Occupational hazard. You get used to it. Not that I think we'll have to worry about that here. I mean, you really think these two could manage it? No offense, Fletch.

10.02.004

Austin : [To Clint] If you can manage it then anyone can. No offense, Mr Scar. [Giggles]

10.02.005

Jordan: He doesn't, we do, he's just along the for ride.

10.02.006

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Red: Do get a say in the apparent time travel? As far as I know I never traveled in time=2C I did once lose track of a week of time however. =

--_4f85b24c-a16a-49aa-8d27-b89f800dafcb_

10.02.007

Alice: Of course you have! You've travelled forward in time, right? In fact, you're doing it right now. [Pause] And now. [Pause] And now.

Pinky: They didn't move the university to the past, they moved it to the countryside.


;;; Kev is out having lasers fired in his eyes

Dur: Life is always simpler in the countryside. There are several rural areas in which I can still legally practice medicine!

10.02.008

Charlie: Splendid! We could all use a bracing walk. [To Pinky] To the university!

10.02.009

Alice: So science is illegal but shooting porn isn't?

Pinky: Oh no, shooting porn is highly illegal.

10.02.010

Charlie: Then how do you get away with it?!

10.02.011

Pinky: All the HARMA operatives are too afraid of catching some sort of filthy disease off us. [Takes a drink from Alice's can of coke, before handing it back, burping] Tha-nks.

Alice: Ew! You can keep it.

Fletch: Haw! Totes burn!

10.02.012

Austin : Do you have filthy diseases?

10.02.013

Jordan: [Sounding almost philosophical] Of course that then brings about the question, is there such a thing as a clean disease?

10.02.014

Austin : Aging?

10.02.015

Clint: Isn't the more important question whether we're actually going to catch any of these disease that HARMA is afraid of? I mean, they're probably just stupid, but blind squirrels and nuts and all that jazz!

10.02.016

Alice: What did you do with blind squirrel jizz?

Fletch: Probably spread it all over -- at least, if he wanted a nice, manly covering of hair!

Pinky: What filthy diseases have we got? [Sly look] Whaddya want?

10.02.017

Austin : We do not want any diseases, that's the point! [Looks alarmed at the jizz conversation]

10.02.017

Sorry for the short notice, but out until Thursday!

10.02.018

Alice: Yeah! We've got our own diseases, thanks very much! [Folds her arms defiantly]


;;; And we're back! Sorry about the short notice

10.02.019

Charlie: [Nods] Indeed, this party's unusually high rate of sexually transmitted diseases [nods subtly to Alice, Austin, Alice, Clint, and then Alice again] when compared to the general population should not affect our ability to perform heroically in service of the realms!

10.02.020

Alice: And don't forget Charlie, I mean, her husband's name is Pestilence! That's some sort of disease, right?

10.02.020

Austin : [Frowns at Charlie's statement. To Fletch] Despite her implied claims, she does not represent the rest of the party.

10.02.021

Charlie: [Primly] I would thank you to remember my husband was a virgin when we married, and quite free of disease!

10.02.022

Alice: But that's no longer true, of course.

10.02.023

Charlie: [Aghast] Are you suggesting that my own sexual history is riddled with disease?! My sexual partners were all scientists, careful--and largely chaste--by nature!

10.02.024

Austin : [Grinning] Did you review independent tests of their chastenesses?

10.02.025

Alice: [Triumphantly] Deuce certainly had a pile of diseases!

10.02.026

Charlie: [Flustered] Yes, well, I fear we may have gotten a bit off-task with this discussion! [To Fletch] Do take us to Alistair at once, preferably in silence so that we might all reflect upon the task ahead.

10.02.027

Fletch: Sure, but unless you turn up wearing school uniforms, you're gonna look like a bunch of weirdoes.

10.02.028

Charlie: [Commandingly] Very well, then--to the costume store!

10.02.029

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzI4DQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbQ29tbWFuZGluZ2x5XSBWZXJ5IHdl bGwsIHRoZW4tLXRvIHRoZSBjb3N0dW1lIHN0b3JlIQ0KDQpEdXI6IFNvbWV0aW1lcyBJIGZlYXIg d2Ugc3BlbmQgZW50aXJlbHkgdG9vIG11Y2ggdGltZSBpbiBjb3N0dW1lLi4uIEkgbWVhbiwgYW0g SSBzdGlsbCBhIGRvY3RvciBvciBwc3ljaG90aWMgY2xvd24gdW5pY29ybiBudW4gc2VydmluZyB0 ZWE/IFdoZXJlIGRvIHRoZSBsaWVzIGVuZD8gDQo

10.02.030

Alice: [Roars with laughter] Oh, Dur! You were NEVER a doctor! That was just playing!

[The party approach a building marked "Department of Anthropology".]


;;; How're those eyes, Kev??

10.02.030

Clint: C'mon, doc. Some of our most famous doctors dressed up as psychotic clown unicorn nuns. Admittedly, they're all serial killers, but you can't have everything!

10.02.031

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMzMA0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IFtSb2FycyB3aXRoIGxhdWdodGVyXSBPaCwg RHVyISBZb3Ugd2VyZSBORVZFUiBhIGRvY3RvciEgVGhhdCB3YXMganVzdCBwbGF5aW5nIQ0KPg0K PiAgICAgICAgW1RoZSBwYXJ0eSBhcHByb2FjaCBhIGJ1aWxkaW5nIG1hcmtlZCAiRGVwYXJ0bWVu dCBvZiBBbnRocm9wb2xvZ3kiLl0NCg0KRHVyOiBUaGF0J3MgYSBzdHJhbmdlIG5hbWUgZm9yIGEg Y29zdHVtZSBzaG9wLiANCg0KPjs7OyBIb3cncmUgdGhvc2UgZXllcywgS2V2Pz8NCg0KOzs7IEp1 c3QgZGFuZHkhIFN0aWxsIGEgbGl0dGxlIGRyeSBhbmQgc29yZSBidXQgdmVyeSBjbGVhci4gDQo

10.02.032

Charlie: [Suddenly excited] Oh, is it really an Anthropology Department with a collection of costumes from various cultures and so forth?! How thrilling! And I thought we would be going through bin after bin of horrid itchy wigs and glow-in-the-dark fishnets stockings at some pitiful costumers!

10.02.033

Alice: Hey! Like these? [Pulls up her skirt to show her trashy glow-in-the-dark fishnet stockings]

10.02.034

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Red: [frowns] I have the sudden urge to grab a squid costume. 3B=3B=3B Let's be clear....... [smiles] the surgery worked? --_8501e70c-40bc-49c1-85f0-d6a1a1f59a22_

10.02.035

Clint: I don't know what kind of school uniforms you guys had, but I don't think you'll be able to find mine in there!

10.02.035

Austin : Not a fan of fishnets?

10.02.036

Alice: If there's any god, Clint, then I think it's a safe bet that any uniform you owned has long since been destroyed!

10.02.037

Clint: I sure as hell hope not! If I had to put up with that uniform, I want generations of little kids to suffer through the same thing!


;;; We don't normally do school uniforms over here, but I spent my

formative years in a white polo shirt,

;;; red sweater-vest and blue corduroy trousers. It was humiliating

and strangely nationalistic.

10.02.038

Alice: I loved my school uniform! Just between us, the shortness of the skirt was half the reason I was able to pass my reddening exams!

10.02.038

Charlie: [Nods] Uniforms are quite sensible and free a student from worrying about unimportant matters! Wilhelmina wore one even when she was being home-schooled.


;;; Poor Tom! You should see the skirts they make these

;;; Irish girls wear! The hems drag the ground, yikes!

10.02.039

Alice: That's just what Deucie used to say when he got me my ones!

10.02.040

Austin : [Admiring his own left arm] I had no intention of being this beautiful when I woke up this morning, but as you know, somethings are simply beyond our control. [Sighs]


;;;awa hame!

10.02.040

Clint: Well, let's just get this over with! [Heads for the entrance so he can costume up.]


;;; An ankle is a dangerous thing!

10.02.041

[The party enter the building, and find themselves inside the seediest looking sex shop they've ever seen. A shop assistant, GADY LAGA, gives them a whithering look.]

Gady: Oh. My. Dog. [Pause] Looks better than you people. [Opens up a box on the table]

[The BOX roars with laughter, and continues to do so until GADY closes it again.]

Alice: Wow! This place is great!

10.02.042

Charlie: [Looks around, wrinkling her nose] Yes. [To Gady] Shopkeep, have you any school uniforms available?

10.02.043

Gady: No! What do you think this is? Some sort of disgusting sex shop?

Alice: Maybe she thought it was a clothes shop?

10.02.044

Jordan: [Trying to be charming] Actually we thought it was a rather clean and reputable sex shop. Only the best sex shops stock school uniforms after all.

10.02.045

Gady: [Brazenly standing in front of a huge display of school uniforms] We don't sell school uniforms.

10.02.046

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Red: Would you perhaps have any magic=2C grade increasing=2C attention demanding=2C short rimmed skirts with matching tops? Preferably of the not-wind= -resistant variety. --_8b4b745a-1848-4b12-842c-09cec26a95f9_

10.02.047

Gady: Look, Harc, this is a University department, nothing disgusting or perverted ever goes on here.

[The party are momentarily distracted by a bunch naked of men in beards running past the outside window, being chased by a woman in wearing nothing more than a llama mask.]

10.02.048

Austin : [Selects a schoolboy out fit. To Gady] May I try this on for size?

10.02.049

Gady: You certainly may not! They are for display only! You people need to leave!

10.02.050

Charlie: [Sighs] That is most disappointing, as we are conducting an important Anthropological study! [To Gady] Perhaps we could make you a co-author on the paper if you could lend us these splendid examples of tribal dress?

10.02.051

Gady: Certainly not.

Alice: [To the others, quietly] This is a total waste of time! Why did they bring us here?

10.02.051

Austin : [Examing the cloth of the uniform] Perhaps Mr Scar could be a little more persuasive?

10.02.052

Jordan: [In a threatening manner] Give us what we want or I swear I will recite my most depressing poetry to you repeatedly until you do!

10.02.053

Gady: Do your worst, bitch.

10.02.054

Jordan: Challenge accepted! [Starts to recite his most jolly and happy poetry.]

10.02.055

Charlie: [Holding her hands over her ears] It's all too horrible! [Tries to grab a few school uniforms while Gady is distracted]

10.02.054

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: Before you do=2C hypothetically=2C how much would a costume cost for all of us? =

--_158a27fe-9d94-45ad-85ed-ecab2bbfce3a_

10.02.055

Austin : OOh, do that one, errm, oh yes "Just to hold you close to me". That was so bad I nearly regurgitated my breakfast when I heard it.

10.02.056

Gady: [Apparently enjoying the poetry, but points a double barrelled crossbow at Charlie] It doesn't matter how much I like the poems, you're not getting anything.

[PINKY leads FLETCH over on his hands and knees, with a leash attached to him.]

Pinky: What's going on?

Gady: These guys think this place is a sex shop! They're a bunch of Harcs.

10.02.057

Charlie: I can assure you, we are not even familiar with the term [finger quotes] Harcs!

10.02.058

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10.02.059

Gady: No, you should have told me! Work away, I was just afraid you were Harcs, I mean, look at how you're dressed.

10.02.060

Clint: [Nods understandingly.] Now you know why we need the costumes!

10.02.061

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10.02.062

Clint: [Reluctantly grabs a costume.] People better not find out about this. The time we dressed up as nuns, fine. Unicorns? Okay. But *this* is crossing a line!

10.02.063

Charlie: [Taking a uniform. To Clint] Fear not, Mr. Scar! It will not be necessary for you to actually successfully perform any scholarly duties to wear this uniforn!

10.02.064

Clint: [Somewhat mollified.] Well, at least it's a start!

10.02.065

Austin : There might be some caneing going on though.

10.02.066

Jordan: [Starts reaching for a uniform and stops suddenly, turning to Gady] Wait a minute. Harcs? Is that some kind of derogatory term for HARMA?

10.02.067

Gady: Yeah, because they're like Narcs, except worse, and they work for HARMA.

10.02.068

Jordan: Who or what are Narcs? We hate HARMA.

10.02.068

Austin : Well, last time we saw the Harcs they were trying to kill us, so we should change into uniforms asap and get to the porno. [Looks around the shop for other useful equipment] We might need some supplies.

10.02.069

Charlie: Yes, I do hope you have some notepads to go with these school uniforms? I am down to my last dozen. [Chooses a super-dowdy floor-length brown plaid skirt to pair with a long-sleeved white blouse with a high neck]

10.02.070

Alice: [Chooses the shortest, sluttiest skirt there] Oh man! It's longer than my own!

Gady: [To Charlie] Oh, god, no, we just sell sex stuff. The Harcs are even more sinister than normal HARMA types. Sweat, bad breath, everything.

Alice: Very hard to spot?

Gady: Not really, especially the ones who sweat a lot, but not all of them are like that.

Alice: [Looks at Clint] Goddamned Harc.

10.02.071

Austin : [Shudders at the description of the Harcs] They sound vile! [Puts on a school boys uniform and shorts to match, carefully rolling down the socks unevenly. Looks for a good strong length of silk rope]

10.02.072

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Lost from Dom #71

Red: [Appears from the back in blue robes and hat with a school boys uniform over his arm] Are we going for actual school clothes or undercover? 3B=3B=3Bhttp://img1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120220023936/runescape/images/d/dc/Wizard_hat_(blue)_detail.png =

--_187a6951-b3f6-4a17-8438-1a19e5c94d2f_

10.02.073

Lost from Maikel #72

Jordan: Well everyone else seems to be going for the school clothes, though I wouldn't mind looking more like a teacher than a student. [To Gady] You still haven't said what a Narc is.

10.02.073

Clint: [Looking distinctly uncomfortable in a ratty old uniform] How about either, as long as we can get out of here ASAP?

10.02.074

Gady: That's right. I did tell you what a Harc is, though. Like a Narc but they work for HARMA.

Alice: What's a Narc?

Gady: Kind of like a Harc, but not as bad.

10.02.075

Charlie: [Decisively] Well, we are neither, but we are in quite a hurry! [To the party] Has everyone their costume?

10.02.076

Jordan: Not yet! [Grabs a school boy costume that will fit and goes to get changed]

10.02.077

Gady: [Surveys the sorry scene in front of her] Excellent! Now, are you [finger quotes] actors? [Wink]

10.02.078

Clint: [Incensed.] Do we look gay to you?!

10.02.079

Gady: A little.

10.02.080

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM3OQ0KDQo+R2FkeTogQSBsaXR0bGUuDQoNCkR1cjogW1Vuc3VycHJp c2VkXSBZb3UncmUgbm90IHRoZSBmaXJzdCBwZXJzb24gdG8gc2F5IHRoYXQuIA0K

10.02.081

Clint: [Grinding his teeth now.] C'mon, guys, let's get out of here and do what we came here to do so we can change out of these stupid costumes!

10.02.082

Alice: Good idea, Clint! Uh, where are we supposed to go?

Gady: That depends on whether or not you are [winks] actors.

10.02.083

Charlie: Oh, indeed we are, if that means we can go at once to the university!

10.02.084

Gady: Outstanding! Now, go at once the Eremology Department and tell them you're there to clean their pool.

10.02.085

Clint: [Suspiciously.] Are you having us on?

10.02.086

TGFzdCBmcm9tIFRvbSAjODUNCg0KPkNsaW50OiBbU3VzcGljaW91c2x5Ll0gQXJlIHlvdSBoYXZp bmcgdXMgb24/DQoNCkR1cjogW1N1ZGRlbmx5IHBldHJpZmllZF0gUC1wLXAtb29sPyBJdCdzIG5v dCBmaWxsZWQgd2l0aCB3LXctd2F0ZXIgaXMgaXQ/DQoNCg0K

10.02.087

Austin : [Doing up his tie] They are by the usual definition, Dur. But don't worry, it is unlikely to be clean after you get into it. [Wriggles a little] They didn't design these to go with thongs, did they.

10.02.088

Jordan: Well, it could be an empty pool and they need the walls and floor of it cleaned. Unlikely, but it's an option.

10.02.089

Charlie: [Excited] Eremology?! I have always wanted to learn more about deserts! [To the party] Oh, this will be fascinating.

10.02.089

Alice: That's true, Aus, but at least they are pull off. [Points to the velcro straps on the shorts]

Gady: The Eremology Department is just across the street from here. Their pool is [salaciously rubs herself against the counter] very, very dirrrrrty.

10.02.090

Alice: Learn stuff? Oh man! This is getting worse than worse!

Pinky: Don't you mean worse and worse?

Alice: If only!

[Exit the PARTY.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

10.03.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene III. The Eremology Department. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, JORDAN and RED are here, outside the entrance.]

Alice: What is Eremology?

10.03.002

Jordan: [Smugly] The science of studying the desert and it's many mysteries. You would know that if you were a real school girl.

10.03.003

Alice: [Nasal voice] Science of studying desserts. You would know that if you were a real dork!

10.03.004

Jordan: [Sounding Scottish] Damnit Alice, are you out of your bimbo mind? I'm a poetically magical musician, not a chef!

10.03.005

Alice: Look, Jeff, can you stop thinking about your stomach for five minutes while we save the world?

10.03.006

Charlie: [Scribbling furiously] Do be quiet! I am writing down everything I ever wanted to ask an eremologist, and I am only up to 246!

10.03.007

Austin : [Watching Charlie make her list] I hope that includes coping strategies for extreme disappointment.

10.03.008

Alice: I only have one question. What's an Eremologist?

10.03.009

Jordan: [Rolls eyes] A food critic who specialises in desserts. They are especially known for their universal love of Sticky Kaka Pie.

10.03.010

Alice: Sor-ree! I didn't realise you were such an expert in Sticky Kaka!

10.03.011

Jordan: You flatter me Alice, I only wish I was that good.

10.03.012

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERyZXcgIzExDQoNCj5Kb3JkYW46IFlvdSBmbGF0dGVyIG1lIEFsaWNlLCBJIG9u bHkgd2lzaCBJIHdhcyB0aGF0IGdvb2QuDQoNCkR1cjogQ2FyZWZ1bCB3aGF0IHlvdSB3aXNoIGZv ciB3aGlsZSBvbiB0aGUgc2V0IG9mIGEgcG9ybm8gbXkgZ29vZCBtYW4uIA0K

10.03.013

Jordan: [To Dur] I shall, of course, defer to your better judgment, which I assume is gathered from personal experience?

10.03.014

Charlie: [Disapprovingly] That is quite enough bickering! [Shakes her notepad] Now, I really must get these 694 questions answered!

10.03.015

Jordan: 694? [Laughs] You must be on a diet Charlie!

10.03.016

Clint: Focus, Sarge! We have more important things to do than answering your questions here! Maybe you can just leave your list with the eremologist and he can send you a letter with the answer.

10.03.017

Alice: What letter? A? Because that's the coolest one!

10.03.018

Charlie: [Fretfully] Well, I have written to the International Society of Eremology and Stuff many times, but they always return my letters unread! [To the party] They really are terribly elitist, I'm afraid. [Pats Dur on the head] Sharpen my pencil, won't you, boy?

10.03.019

Jordan: [Reaches for the door handle] Shall we go in then?

10.03.020

Austin : It is never good to arrive last at a porno, let's get moving!

10.03.021

[The door is locked, but, seconds after JORDAN tries it, the party hear it being unlocked. Enter JAY SCOTTY, a sleazy looking guy in an overly tight t-shirt.]

Jay: 'sup?

10.03.022

Charlie: [Flirting awkwardly, in a ridiculous high-pitched voice] Hellllo? We are here for the adult film-making. [Winks] We are ever so keen to participate!

10.03.023

Jordan: [Whines like an emo] But Chaz! I thought we were here to clean the pool!

10.03.024

Clint: I thought we were here to [air quotes] clean the pool.

10.03.025

Jay: This is the Eremology Department, we don't have any poo--oh!

[From deep within the building the party can hear the unmistakable sound "Bom chika bom!" playing on a stereo.]

10.03.026

Clint: That sounds like our cue. Also, our friend here has a couple of thousand questions she wants to ask you. We'll just go on in while you look over the list, yeah?

10.03.027

Jay: Oh yeah, I've got a deep, dirty pool that needs cleaning, and you look like just the little boy to do it.

Alice: Ew!

10.03.028

Austin : [Looking a little pale] Lead the way, please, Mr Scar.

10.03.029

Clint: [Looking around cautiously.] Yeah. Uh, in we go. To clean the pool. This sounds like a job for Dur! [Leads the way in.]

10.03.030

Jordan: Yeah, let's not let Clint anywhere near it.

10.03.031

Jay: [Gives Jordan a creepy smile] Come on in, [licks his lips] Dur.

10.03.032

Charlie: [Blocks Jay's access to Dur] We shall all go inside, of course. And, naturally, Dur will do any laboring, along with Mr. Scar!

10.03.033

Jordan: [To Jay] Wait, what? I'm not Dur! He is! [Points to the real Dur]


;;; He was giving Jordan the creepy smile when he said Dur's name so

assuming he thought Jordan was Dur.

10.03.034

Jay: I don't care who you are, sexy.

10.03.035

Austin : [To Jordan] I think you have made a new friend! [Hands Jordan a tube of lubricant, handcuffs, and some sparkle dust]

10.03.036

Jordan: Do I even want to know where you were hiding these?

10.03.037

Charlie: [Firmly] I can assure you, you do not! [To Jay] Now, can we assist you? [Looks around cautiously] We should like to stay off of the streets as much as possible!

10.03.039

Austin : Hidden? I've only had them a few minutes, they are braind new! You should be more grateful when your leader gives you gifts.

10.03.040

Jordan: [To Austin] I thought you were just the mascot.

10.03.041

Austin : Yes, well, we don't need you for your wits or brain power, fortunately.

10.03.042

Jay: I think I just need you all for horribly violating.

[Slams the door with an ominous crash.]

Jay: [Pauses a beat] And scene! [The music stops] What can I do for you guys?

10.03.043

Austin : Champagne would be nice.

10.03.044

Charlie: [Checks her notes, then clears her voice] Ahem! We are here to clean your pool.

10.03.045

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: [Looks at Charlie] But.... aren't we... [Looks confused and ponders] =

--_35244f64-f4d1-4571-be4c-e94a9689f2ea_

10.03.046

Jay: What are you? Some sort of porno actors? This is the Eremology Department -- what would we want with a pool?

10.03.047

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM0Ng0KDQo+SmF5OiBXaGF0IGFyZSB5b3U/IFNvbWUgc29ydCBvZiBw b3JubyBhY3RvcnM/IFRoaXMgaXMgdGhlIEVyZW1vbG9neSBEZXBhcnRtZW50IC0tIHdoYXQgd291 bGQgd2Ugd2FudCB3aXRoIGEgcG9vbD8NCg0KRHVyOiBZb3UnbGwgaGF2ZSB0byBmb3JnaXZlIHVz LCB3aXRoIGFsbCBvZiBvdXIgcmVjZW50IGNvc3R1bWUgY2hhbmdlcyBsYXRlbHkgd2UgYXJlIGhh dmluZyBzb21ldGhpbmcgb2YgYW4gaWRlbnRpdHkgY3Jpc2lzLiANCg

10.03.048

Jay: Well, let me assure you, there is no pornography here!

10.03.049

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM0OA0KDQo+SmF5OiBXZWxsLCBsZXQgbWUgYXNzdXJlIHlvdSwgdGhl cmUgaXMgbm8gcG9ybm9ncmFwaHkgaGVyZSENCg0KRHVyOiBBbmQgbm8gcG9vbHMgZWl0aGVyPyBU aGVuIGhvdyBhcmUgd2UgdG8gY2xlYW4gaXQ/DQo

10.03.050

Austin : [Looks confused] But we are porno actors. And some of us like Deserts too. You are aware, and fully up to date with the Universities equal opportunities policy aren't you?


;;;; where are Fletch and Pinky?

10.03.051

Jay: If you're looking for the real porn, then you're in the wrong place!


;;; Stayed behind in the sex shop!

10.03.052

Austin : Let me guess, it's in the back of the sex shop yes?

10.03.053

Jay: I don't know -- all I know is that isn't here. And I've checked!

10.03.054

Jordan: But the sex shop owner said it was here!

10.03.055

Austin : So one of them must be lying, and the only clue we have is that one of them had loud porno music playing very recently.

10.03.056

Alice: Wait a minute! Are we looking for pornography or for scientists? I mean, I know if you find the latter that the former is rarely far away, but still!

10.03.057

Jordan: [To Alice] We are looking for both. We're looking for Charlie's mother, and she is presumably at the porno [to Charlie] right?

10.03.058


;;; Heather is AFK

Charlie: Well, she is a keen ornithologist, but if you are speaking in terms of pornography, I suspect she is less interested, unless from a sociological perspective.

Jay: We're scientists, not pornographers. That's just a front for HARMA!

10.03.059

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM1OA0KDQo+Q2hhcmxpZTogV2VsbCwgc2hlIGlzIGEga2VlbiBvcm5p dGhvbG9naXN0LCBidXQgaWYgeW91IGFyZSBzcGVha2luZyBpbiB0ZXJtcyBvZiBwb3Jub2dyYXBo eSwgSSBzdXNwZWN0IHNoZSBpcyBsZXNzIGludGVyZXN0ZWQsIHVubGVzcyBmcm9tIGEgc29jaW9s b2dpY2FsIHBlcnNwZWN0aXZlLg0KPg0KPkpheTogV2UncmUgc2NpZW50aXN0cywgbm90IHBvcm5v Z3JhcGhlcnMuIFRoYXQncyBqdXN0IGEgZnJvbnQgZm9yIEhBUk1BIQ0KDQpEdXI6IFRoZW4gbWF5 YmUgd2UgYXJlIGhlcmUgdG8gY2xlYW4gdGhlIEdFTkUgcG9vbD8NCg

10.03.060

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: Well=2C we have got an in-GENE-ious person with us [looks to Charlie] =

--_bd685499-2f9b-472f-b4f5-1d5b97aab34b_

10.03.061

Alice: She's not in jeans, she's in a school uniform!

Charlie: I believe it was a rather clever and apt play with words, Alice. [To Jay] So, this is actually an Eremology Department and not the scene of a pornographic movie?

Jay: That's right. For porn, you probably want the Pomology Department.

10.03.062

Jordan: [To Charlie] We could always just ask him if he knows your mother, and if he knows where she is.

10.03.063

Austin : [To Charlie] So which is your grandmother most likely to be at? Gertrude is you grandmother, right?

10.03.064

Clint: Seems to me w should head over to Pomology, which is where we'll find Gertrude, anyway...

10.03.065

Jay: If you're not here for porn, then why are you here? You guys did call to me, after all!

10.03.066

Austin : We are here for porn and science with Charlie's aunty, it's just often too confusing for people to have it all explained, even in simple nascent nomenclature.


;;;; I am AFK onthe next three fridays, including tomorrow :)

10.03.067

Jay: Especially when you clearly don't understand the word nascent. If you're here for porn, go to the Pomology Department, if you're here for science and stuff, then ask your question. We know everything.

Alice: About desserts?

Jay: [Rubs his stomach] Try me.


;;; Fine for some!

10.03.068

Charlie: [Excited, to Jay] Oh, how wonderful! [Flips open a notepad] Have you made a link between deserts and the reveals we have seen in the realms recently?

10.03.069

Jay: There's no link -- the spacing of the Reveals seems immune to them. The spread of deserts taken in by them is proportionally the same as other areas in the Realms.

10.03.070

Austin : [Straightening his cuff] And is there any link between the reveals and the porno?

10.03.071

Jay: The amount of scientists working in areas directly or indirectly related to porn has increased by 5000%. However, that isn't necessarily caused by the Reveals, it could also be caused by HARMA cracking down on science.

10.03.072

Clint: There are dark days ahead for the world of porn!


;;; So I've come down with something and am spending truly staggering

amount of time in bed.

;;; Hopefully this will not take me long to kick.

10.03.073

Charlie: [Raises an eyebrow] Somehow this course of conversation reminds me--by any chance is Dr. Alistair Finley working with all of you?

10.03.074

Jay: He sure is! They have him over in the Ecogastronomy Department.

10.03.075

Charlie: Splendid! And what about Dr. Helena Parker-Kensington?

10.03.077

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM3Ng0KDQo+SmF5OiBPaCBzdXJlLCBzaGUncyB3aXRoIGhpbS4gU2hl J3Mgb25lIGZlaXN0eSBsaXR0bGUgbGFkeS4NCg0KRHVyOyBbQ292ZXJzIGhpcyBlYXJzXSBIb3Bl ZnVsbHkgd2UgYXJlIG5vdCB0YWxraW5nIGFib3V0IHBvcm4gYWdhaW4hDQo

10.03.076

Jay: Oh sure, she's with him. She's one feisty little lady.

10.03.078

Jordan: [To Jay] Excellent! [To Charlie] Well, not we know where to go, come on! [To Jay] Thanks for you help. [Makes a hasty retreat]

10.03.079

Charlie: How wonderful! [Claps her hands. To the party] Chop, chop! To the Ecogastronomy Department!

10.03.078

Clint: Just so long as we're all clear that there will be no cleaning pools and no porn! [Chop chops.]

10.03.079


;;; Dom is out today

Austin: [Straightens a cuff] Indeed. One would certainly hope that a scientist of Professor Finley's renown is being put to good use and is, as we speak, working on a way in which to reverse the Reveals and save the world. What is Professor Finley doing?

Jay: The last I saw, they had him fucking a dwarf.


;;; And with that, we will end the scene! More on Monday!

10.03.079


;;; Dom is out today

Austin: [Straightens a cuff] Indeed. One would certainly hope that a scientist of Professor Finley's renown is being put to good use and is, as we speak, working on a way in which to reverse the Reveals and save the world. What is Professor Finley doing?

Jay: The last I saw, they had him fucking a dwarf.


;;; And with that, we will end the scene! More on Monday!

10.04.001

[Book X, Act X, Scene IV. The Campus. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, JORDAN and RED are making their way across campus using a completely incomprehensible student map, that is so littered with advertisements for cheap beer and parts in porn films, it is virtually impossible to read. The party soon come face to face with huge man, at least six and a half feet tall, clearly in his late fifties, dressed in a sports uniform in the varsity colours. This is RAM HA.]

Ram: Hello fellow students!

10.04.002

Charlie: Hello athletics coach! Isn't the [vaguely] team splendid this year? Oh, I do so enjoy, ah, sporting activities!

10.04.003

Ram: Ho. [Checks a note in his hand] Ho. I'm not a coach, I'm young student, like you. I enjoy drinking and not studying, as well as public urination.

10.04.004

Charlie: [Horrified] That isn't proper student behavior! [Gestures to the party] WE, on the other hand, quite enjoy bracing sunrise debates and group study sessions on Friday and Saturday nights! [Emphatically] AND indoor plumbing!

10.04.005

Jordan: [To Charlie] Speak for yourself Chaz! I for one love getting drunk! [To Ram] Nothing like being wasted while trying to do some indoor plumbing right?

10.04.006

Ram: Uh.. yeah! I sure hope we can find some adults to buy us beer and cigarettes. [Looks at the map] Are you kids lost?

10.04.007

Austin : Sort of. We are looking for the Ecogastronomy Department.

10.04.008

Ram: Gear! That's just where I'm going! We can go together. Maybe play some Ultimate Frisbee on the way!

10.04.009

Austin : [Clearly has no idea what could be ultimate about Frisbee] Er, yes, of course. I am sure come of my fellow students would be most excited by the prospect.

10.04.010

Charlie: [Also baffled] Indeed, we thrive during competitions such as that. [Quickly, to Ram] You start!

10.04.011

Ram: Uh, sure. [Takes a frisbee out of his pocket and sets it on fire] Catch! [Throws it to Charlie]

[The frisbee is thrown so fast that it flies over head and crashes into a building, getting embedded several inches into the wall.]

Alice: Er, good game.

10.04.012

Charlie: [Nods uncertainly] Yes, quite! [To Ram] Now that we have bonded through shared physical activity, do let us carry on to the Ecogastronomy Department.

10.04.013

Ram: Sure! Wow, it sure is fun being in a university that shoots so much pornography, isn't it? I bet the Olds would be shocked, as well as those meanies in HARMA. [Starts leading the party across campus]

10.04.014

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxMw0KDQo+UmFtOiBTdXJlISBXb3csIGl0IHN1cmUgaXMgZnVuIGJl aW5nIGluIGEgdW5pdmVyc2l0eSB0aGF0IHNob290cyBzbyBtdWNoIHBvcm5vZ3JhcGh5LCBpc24n dCBpdD8gSSBiZXQgdGhlIE9sZHMgd291bGQgYmUgc2hvY2tlZCwgYXMgd2VsbCBhcyB0aG9zZSBt ZWFuaWVzIGluIEhBUk1BLiBbU3RhcnRzIGxlYWRpbmcgdGhlIHBhcnR5IGFjcm9zcyA+Y2FtcHVz XQ0KDQpEdXI6IFtBc2lkZSB0byB0aGUgZ3JvdXBdIEFueW9uZSBlbHNlIGdldHRpbmcgYSB0cmFu Z2UgdmliZSBmcm9tIHRoaXMgZ3V5Pw0K

10.04.014

Austin : Indeed, but from what we have heard, the Olds might be the shocking, rather than the shocked [Smiles and wiggles his eye brows] . We have some work to do to regain our reputation, fortunately we have the Sarge and Alice with us! [Gives Alice and Charlie a wink] Veritable experts in the field of shock!

10.04.015

Clint: I'm with you on this, doc, but then we meet a lot of freaks in this line of work!

10.04.016

Alice: I'm not entirely sure this guy is a student at all!

10.04.017

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxNg0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IEknbSBub3QgZW50aXJlbHkgc3VyZSB0aGlz IGd1eSBpcyBhIHN0dWRlbnQgYXQgYWxsIQ0KDQpEdXI6IENvdWxkIGhlIGJlIGEgSEFSTUEgc3B5 Pw0K

10.04.018

Austin : Hmm, students are a pretty quirky bunch these days, but he seems unlikely for HARMA, I don't think they get issued with flaming Frisbee's. He's more like a Heirophantic knight. Or a psychopathic killer, it's never easy to tell the difference.

10.04.019

Clint: So what do we do about him, then? Boot to the face is always an old favorite.

10.04.020

Alice: Maybe he's one of those Harcs that we heard about?

Ram: [Leading the party] Come on, gang, let's get to the Department and start doing things that we think are fun, but that any decent, clean living person would think are an abominations.

10.04.021

Charlie: [To Ram] Er, that sounds splendid! Say, you wouldn't know any of those [finger quotes, and in a low voice] Harcs, would you?

10.04.022

Ram: Uh, no! I hate them. Ew!

10.04.023

Charlie: [Feigning disappointment] Oh? [In a low voice] My friend [gestures to Alice] and I were just saying it would be ever-so-dreamy to go to the Spring Sock Hop with a Bad Boy Archetype, like those Harcs!

10.04.024

Alice: Sure do, I think they're neat!

Ram: Yeah, they are definitely cool guys, and they are very daring, but it's important not to get mixed up with them. [Wink] Stay with me instead. [Wink]

10.04.025

Jordan: [To the guys, discreetly] I think the girls have lost it!

10.04.026

Austin : Sanity is clearly overrated.

10.04.027

Charlie: [Nods enthusiastically] Indeed, many of our greatest minds had merely a tenuous grasp on reality! [To Ram, winking awkwardly and flirting pitifully] Oh, yes! Quite! You rascal, you!

10.04.028

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzI3DQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbTm9kcyBlbnRodXNpYXN0aWNhbGx5 XSBJbmRlZWQsIG1hbnkgb2Ygb3VyIGdyZWF0ZXN0IG1pbmRzIGhhZCBtZXJlbHkgYSB0ZW51b3Vz IGdyYXNwIG9uIHJlYWxpdHkhICBbVG8gUmFtLCB3aW5raW5nIGF3a3dhcmRseSBhbmQgZmxpcnRp bmcgcGl0aWZ1bGx5XSBPaCwgeWVzISAgUXVpdGUhICBZb3UgcmFzY2FsLCB5b3UhDQoNCkR1cjog RG8geW91IGhhdmUgc29tZXRoaW5nIGluIHlvdXIgZXllIGdpcmw/IFBlcmhhcHMgSSBzaG91bGQg aGF2ZSBhIGxvb2sgYXQgaXQuLi4NCg

10.04.029

Ram: [Wink] Yes, something in her [wink] eye. Because we don't like [wink] Harcs.

10.04.030

Austin : [To the party] So what do we do now? Mr Scar, perhaps your suggestion is the best way forward?

10.04.031

Ram: Does his suggestion involve doing lots of studenty stuff?

[The party arrive at the Ecogastronomy Department, which is a large house set back from the main campus, with an open gate in front of it. There is a stack of pizzas outside.]

10.04.032

Charlie: [To Dur, sharply] Do not disgrace us by eating those pizzas! You will be fed on your usual schedule!

10.04.033

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzMyDQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbVG8gRHVyLCBzaGFycGx5XSBEbyBu b3QgZGlzZ3JhY2UgdXMgYnkgZWF0aW5nIHRob3NlIHBpenphcyEgWW91IHdpbGwgYmUgZmVkIG9u IHlvdXIgdXN1YWwgc2NoZWR1bGUhDQoNCkR1cjogW0ZyZWV6ZXMgYXMgaGUgZWRnZXMgY2xvc2Vy IHRvIHRoZSBQaXp6YV0gQnV0IHdoYXQgaWYgbXkgdXN1YWwgc2NoZWR1bGUgaXNuJ3QgdXN1YWwg ZW5vdWdoPyBbVHVybnMgdG8gUmFtXSBCZXNpZGVzLCB3aGF0IGlzIG1vcmUgc3R1ZGVudCB0aGFu IGEgc3RhY2sgb2YgcGl6emFzPw0K

10.04.034

Jordan: The boxes being empty?

10.04.034

Ram: Nothing other than getting a female co-ed drunk and taking photographs of her to put on Fakebook! [To Alice] What do you say?

Alice: Sure, I'm game!

10.04.035

Clint: [Shakes his head.] Can't do it without getting you nice and drunk too, Ram ol' buddy. Here, let me find you something really, really strong.


;;; I presume there's something we could use - boot to the face, if

all else fails! - to take care of Ram

;;; while handing him liquor.

10.04.036

Ram: Let's bring in some pizzas first! [Picks up a pizza box]


;;; No opportunity yet!

10.04.037

Jordan: [Picking up a pizza box] Yeah, okay. [To Charlie] I hope we find your family soon!

10.04.038

Charlie: [Nods to Jordan, in a low voice] As do I! [Discreetly tries to look inside the pizza box]

10.04.039

[Everyone crowds around CHARLIE's pizza box.]

Alice: Ew! What the hell is that?

[It contains a pizza that looks weeks old. RAM turns to look, as CHARLIE slams the box shut.]

Ram: What's up, gang?

10.04.040

Austin : [To Charlie] If you have quite finished foraging through the garbage, perhaps we can get a move on. [To Ram] Please excuse her behaviour, she was not well cared for as a child.

10.04.041

Ram: Haw! Us students sure do make funny jokes with each other. Now, everyone, grab a pizza!

10.04.042

Jordan: [To Ram] I'm not sure these pizzas are safe. Maybe you should sample some to make sure you aren't poisoning the other students?

10.04.042

Charlie: [Falls in line to follow Ram] Right, hurry along group! [To the party, quietly] We shall learn soon enough why this food looks only fit for Dur!

10.04.044

Jordan: Ah, but how do you know they are safe without checking them first? Surely it is impolite to give someone a gift which might kill them? Unless of course you are an assassin. Are you an assassin? Are you HARMA disguised as a student intending to kill the real students with poisoned pizzas?

10.04.045

Ram: Certainly not! Besides, if I was going to poison the students I'd use better looking pizza than this!

Alice: [Gasp] So you have thought about poisoning them!

10.04.046

Charlie: [To Alice, scolding] Just you face a lecture hall packed with hung-over, poorly fed, overcaffeinated graduate students and try to NOT think about it!!

10.04.047

Jordan: A few names spring to mind of professors and lecturers who have thought about poisoning themselves in that situation.

10.04.048

Austin : [Looks ponderous] My father used to talk a lot about poisoning himself. [Smiles] We always use to tell him to get on with it. [Brightly] Just imagine a university with out students, that would be progress!

10.04.049

Clint: I think a university without professors would be even better! Although I think we just call that a zoo.

10.04.050

Austin : Hmm, no professors, just students. It could work, but you can charge for zoos, I am not sure you could charge to see a uni with only students.

10.04.051

Jordan: Pay-per-view live pornography, or an admittance fee to take part and defile all the young nubile students you want.

10.04.052

Clint: Huh. I think we've got a new business plan for when we retire! One set of universities without students, one set of universities without professors... we'll be rich!

10.04.053

Alice: Great idea, Stinky! Now all we need to do is find a bunch of idiots with loads of money!

Ram: Great, I think we can forget about the foolish idea to test the pizza. Come on, let's do some student stuff!

10.04.054

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM1Mw0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IEdyZWF0IGlkZWEsIFN0aW5reSEgTm93IGFs bCB3ZSBuZWVkIHRvIGRvIGlzIGZpbmQgYSBidW5jaCBvZiBpZGlvdHMgd2l0aCBsb2FkcyBvZiBt b25leSENCj4NCj5SYW06IEdyZWF0LCBJIHRoaW5rIHdlIGNhbiBmb3JnZXQgYWJvdXQgdGhlIGZv b2xpc2ggaWRlYSB0byB0ZXN0IHRoZSBwaXp6YS4gQ29tZSBvbiwgbGV0J3MgZG8gc29tZSBzdHVk ZW50IHN0dWZmIQ0KDQpEdXI6IEEgc3R1ZGVudCB0aGF0IGRvZXNuJ3Qgd2FudCB0byBlYXQgcGl6 emEuIEknbSBzdGFydGluZyB0byBiZWNvbWUgc3VzcGljaW91cyBvZiB5b3UgUmFtLi4uIFtFeWVz IG5hcnJvd10gDQo

10.04.055

Ram: No! I love pizza! Look! [Opens the box and takes out the clearly weeks old pizza] Mm! [Takes a bite of it, working hard to break off the mouthful and choke it down] Very... nice. [Looks like he's about to throw up]

10.04.055

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: [Rummages in his bag and grabs an undescriptive small bottle with green fluid] Ram=2C want some undescriptive alcohol? It's free [smiles] . =

--_b8616b84-f667-4279-9993-1a8002dda913_

10.04.056

[RAM grabs the bottle and downs it.]

Ram: Ew! What the hell is that? [Spews it and some pizza back up]

Alice: [Nostalgically] Ah... reminds me of my days on campus!

10.04.057

Jordan: Well that proves it. He isn't a true student. Real students can and will drink anything that they are told is alcohol, regardless of the taste.

10.04.058

Charlie: [To Ram] Then who are you, really?

10.04.059

Ram: I told you! I'm a student, just like you! My name is Ram Ha!

Alice: He's a total Harc! He has HARMA written all over him -- even his name is an anagram of HARMA!

10.04.060

Jordan: [Counts on his fingers while mouthing the letters silently] Dear Phili she's right! His name IS an anagram of HARMA! Get him! [Attacks Ram Ha by smashing the pizza box he is holding at Ram's head.]

10.04.061

Charlie: [Gasps and tries to restrain Ram] Quickly, group! We cannot attract too much attention.

10.04.062

Austin : [Pulls Ram's trousers to his ankles so that he cannot run, and so it looks like a random porno. To Charlie] True, you can never have too much attention!

10.04.063

Alice: Oh? In that case, let's set this nearby carriage on fire -- that'll attract loads of attention!

[AUSTIN pulls down RAM's pants as RED casts a spell. RAM stops dead]

Ram: Help! Help!

10.04.064

Jordan: [Grabs a slice of disgusting pizza from one of the boxes and shoves it in Ram's mouth to shut him up]


;;; Assuming by "stops dead" you mean he is paralysed so can't move

his arms to pull it back out again.

10.04.065

Ram: He-ummph!

Alice: [Dousing a nearby carriage with a previously unnoticed can of petrol] Anyone got a match?


;;; Yes!

10.04.066

Jordan: Sure do! [Pulls out a tin from one of his pockets and fishes out a book of matches, tossing them to Alice]

10.04.066

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: [Smiles a little bit too much] Hold it Ram! [To Alice] I got somethingbetter=2C but do we really want to attract so much attention with a fire? = [Mumbles=2C more to himself then to Alice] Yet=2C when was the last time fire did not solve a problem.

3B=3B=3B Very --_6ba0f86c-f115-449b-840e-fb2eff4de151_

10.04.067

Charlie: I meant we must NOT attract attention! Hurry, let us find the Ecogastronomy Department and see if Mother and Alistair are safe.

10.04.068

Austin : [Looks to see if Alice has heard this] Hmm, yes we should get a move on.

10.04.069

Clint: Okay, but can we find some safe place to stash the harc? Back of a carriage, for example? [Goes to hit Ram over the head, just for the hell of it.]

10.04.070

[Bonk. RAM is knocked out and thrown into the carriage.]

Alice: A burning carriage is hardly a safe place to put the man!

10.04.071

Jordan: [Grumpily] Alice, it's the perfect place! Burn two issues with one match! [Frowns] Why the hell do you want to burn the carriage anyway?

10.04.072

Alice: To put a smile on the frowny face of yours!

10.04.073

Charlie: [Appalled] Do be serious! We will not KILL the man, just get him out of our way. [To Clint] Tuck him behind some bushes, would you?

10.04.073

Clint: Haw! As important as that is, Bimbo, we're gonna have to skip the bonfire for now. The smell of burning harc will attract the wrong kind of attention! I can't believe I'm about to say this, but let's just go talk to Charlie's mom.

10.04.074

Jordan: Yeah, before Charlie gets so impatient she gets her panties, which are really a practically non-existent g-string, in a knot. [Looks at Charlie] No point denying it, Pestilence told me over a pint one night.

10.04.074

Austin : [Ready to go] Yes, we are missing all the fun! It can't be good to be the last person to get to the party.

10.04.075

Alice: Yeesh, Jordie, it sounds like you're the one who's got a knot in his panties!

[RAM is safely tucked away, and the party approach the door of the department.]

10.04.076

Jordan: [Huffily] I don't wear panties thank you very much!

10.04.076

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: [Moves to enter the building] We are too close to answers to delay now. 3B=3B=3BIf RAM is safely stored=2C should we call him ROM instead? =

--_542b029d-f815-4a92-94cf-ba3a10fa2a57_

10.04.078

Clint: [Nods and goes in as well.] And I don't want to know about the poet's manties anyway!


;;; Here's one vote for no!

10.04.079

Alice: So, you could say that there's a "Not" in Jordie's manties!

[RED tries the door, and it is locked.]


;;; It's not permanent, so we should call him EPROM!

10.04.078

Austin : If we don't hurry there will be a lot of things to close to delay! [Goes through the doors if he can]


;;;What? I don't know what you are talking about! Prank call!

10.04.080

Clint: [Flexes his door-kicking foot happily.] I've got this! [Applies boot A to door B.]

10.04.081

[CLINT thumps the door and puts a huge crack down it. It is quickly opened by a man with a cart load of books. This is CLEAN SANDY.]

Sandy: Hey! What's going on? [Looks the party up and down] Oh, man! Is this another one of those pizza-delivery-turns-into-an-orgy situations?

10.04.082

Charlie: [Primly] Indeed, it is not. We are with the Purity League and saving ourselves for marriage. Could you direct us to the Ecogastronomy Department?

10.04.083

Sandy: This is the Ecogastronomy Department, but I can only let in people who appear to be part of pizza-delivery-turns-into-an-orgy groups.

10.04.084

Charlie: [Brightly, brandishing the pizza] Splendid, we're your group! [Winks awkwardly at Sandy] You know how we virginal types often turn out to be the most amorous!

10.04.085

Sandy: [Unconvincing] Oh, gosh. A bunch of young pizza delivery people who are about to have sex with me, a lowly virginal librarian.

[Porn music starts... bom chikka bom!]

10.04.086

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: [Discretely disappears behind a bookshelf] --_c06cbf49-25da-40c2-b5b6-b88d8ba0d45c_

10.04.087

Charlie: [Excited] Oh, you're a librarian?! Could you tell me if the latest issue of Science and Stuff has arrived?

10.04.088

Sandy: Yes! It's a special issue on Botany And Things!

10.04.089

Charlie: [Squeals] Oh, could I see it?!

10.04.090

Jordan: [To whoever can hear him muttering over the music] She could have totally worded that better.


;;; The question we don't want the answer to, is "which "it"?"

10.04.091

Sandy: You'll have to wait -- there's only one copy! [Looks at Red] What're you trying to do, Bud?

10.04.092

Clint: I'd guess he's trying to get way while Chuck here geeks out! I know the feeling.

10.04.093

Sandy: If you guys can make sure he doesn't get into any mischief, you can come right in.

10.04.094

Charlie: [Nods enthusiastically] Oh, we will! No doubt he yearns to find a quiet place to read, as do we all! [Enters the library]

10.04.095

Austin : I think his yearnings might be a little different from yours, I'm not so sure that 'reading' the reader's letters column counts.

10.04.096

Sandy: I hope he doesn't think there's any porn in here.

[The music gets even louder. Bom CHIKKA BOOOOOM!]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

10.05.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene V. The Ecogastronomy Department. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, JORDAN and RED are here with CLEAN SANDY.]

Sandy: What can I do for you guys? Oh, and don't forget to leave the stack of pizzas near the gate when you leave.

10.05.002

Charlie: [Squeals with delight and flips out a notepad filled with article titles] I should like a copy of each of these articles as soon as possible! [Temptingly] If you have them back to me in under an hour, I shall include you in a list of librarians I plan to thank in the acknowledgements of my next book!

10.05.003

Jordan: [Sourly] Never before have I heard a more tempting reason to move slow.

10.05.004

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERyZXcgIzMNCg0KPkpvcmRhbjogW1NvdXJseV0gTmV2ZXIgYmVmb3JlIGhhdmUg SSBoZWFyZCBhIG1vcmUgdGVtcHRpbmcgcmVhc29uIHRvIG1vdmUgc2xvdy4NCg0KRHVyOiBSZWFs bHk/IEkgY291bGQgdGhpbmsgb2YgYXQgbGVhc3QgYSBkb3plbiAnbWFyY2hlcyB0byBvdXIgb3du IGRlYXRoJyB0aGF0IEkgd2FudGVkIHRvIG1vdmUgYXQgYSBzbmFpbCdzIHBhY2UgZm9yLi4uDQo

10.05.005

Alice: Get a hold of yourself, Charlie! This is a university -- hardly the place for doing research!

Sandy: [Looks at the list of articles] Mm.. I like what I see here. [Licks his lips] Delicious.

10.05.005

Charlie: [Composes herself] Oh, right. We have more pressing matters than my research just now. [To Sandy] Could you bring us to Professor Finley at once?

10.05.006

Sandy: He's given strict orders not to disturb him! He's busy with his research assistant.

10.05.007

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yDQoNCj5TYW5keTogSGUncyBnaXZlbiBzdHJpY3Qgb3JkZXJzIG5vdCB0 byBkaXN0dXJiIGhpbSEgSGUncyBidXN5IHdpdGggaGlzIHJlc2VhcmNoIGFzc2lzdGFudC4NCg0K RHVyOiBbU25pZ2dlcmluZ10gSSB0aGluayB3ZSBrbm93IEhFUiBhcyB3ZWxsLiANCg

10.05.008

Jordan: [To Sandy in a condescending tone] I thought you said there was no pornography here?

10.05.008

Austin : Indeed, we are part of the 'team'. [Wiggles his eyebrows]

10.05.009

Sandy: [To Jordan] Did you? [To Austin] That's disappointing -- I thought you might be the Queens View party looking to work with Finley to try and save the world. What a gyp.

10.05.010

Clint: [Modestly] We do our best work anonymously. Particularly when HARMA is around!

10.05.011

Sandy: Is there anyone else who might be able to help? You know, while Finley is indisposed?

10.05.012

Charlie: Is Dr. Helena Parker-Kensington about?

10.05.013

Sandy: Yeah! Oh man, she's one great little lady! Do you know her?

10.05.014

Clint: Yes. Yes we do. So can you take us to her?

10.05.015

Sandy: Sure thing -- that Hell Raiser is gonna be delighted to meet some old friends!

[SANDY leads them to a door and knocks, before looking in.]

Sandy: Hiya, Hell -- got some visitors for ya. Will I send them in? [Listens, and turns to the party, laughing] Ha! She's a laugh, that one! In you go!

10.05.016

Charlie: [To Sandy, baffled] Are you sure you mean Dr. HELENA Parker-Kensington? Not Gertrude?

10.05.016

Clint: Charlie's mother. Very dangerous. [Turns to Charlie.] You go first.

10.05.017

Sandy: Gertrude? Nope, it's definitely Hell!

[He pushes the door open to reveal HELL ANNA PORKER KNEESINFRONT, a dwarf dressed a schoolgirl.]

Hell: 'sup?

10.05.018

Austin : [Worried, to Charlie] I think we may have travelled too far back in time.

10.05.019

Jordan: [To Austin in a very condescending manner] For a lawyer you aren't very intelligent. If we had gone to far back in time, you wouldn't have met me at Earl's not too long ago, would you?

10.05.020


;;; Heather is afk

Charlie: That is most certainly not my mother!

Alice: [To Jordan] That depends on when we went back in time, doesn't it?

Hell: Heya, Jordan, got into the porn biz?

10.05.021

Austin : [double take from Hell to Jordan] An ex-girl friend of yours?

10.05.022

Jordan: [To Hell] Alas my dear Hell, the answer is no. We're working undercover, and our acquaintance here [nods to Sandy] misheard when we said who we were looking for. Understandable though, you do have very similar names. [To Austin] Do you really need to ask that? You have met my wife after all.

10.05.023

Austin : [Shrugs] So? That does not mean that you have not had a girlfriend in the past, do it.

10.05.024

Alice: He likes them young, doesn't he? [Leans over to Hell] You're just as cute as a button, aren't you?

Hell: Back off, bitch, and wash your teeth.

10.05.025

Charlie: [Wrinkling her nose] You wretched little creature! How dare you sully my mother's good name?!

10.05.026

Hell: What the hell are you talking about? Don't think you're too old to put across my knee and spank you!

10.05.026

Austin : Steady as she goes Sarge, her name is not the same, after all.

10.05.027

Jordan: Now now ladies, on need to be so catty with each other! [To Hell] Okay, remind me, just how did we meet?

10.05.028

Hell: You were passed out on a footpath covered in puke.

10.05.029

Jordan: I don't remember that!

10.05.030

Hell: Sure you do -- someone stole your shoes and sold them for cheese.

10.05.031

Jordan: [Thinks for a moment] Oh! That night! [Thinks again] Wait, wasn't that you?

10.05.032

Charlie: [To Jordan] You know this creature? Make her change her name at once!

10.05.033

Hell: [To Charlie] Look, Stretch, you better back off! [To Jordan] Of course it was. Finder's keepers, I always say.

10.05.034

Jordan: Quite right! As do many others. So, tell me you little imp, what have you been up to?

10.05.035

Last from drew 34

Hell: I'm engaged!

10.05.036

Jordan: Were you high at the time?

10.05.037

Austin : [To Hell] Congratulations! Who is the lucky one? [Frowns, to Jordan] Where are your manners?

10.05.038

Clint: Same place as Charlie's, I bet!

10.05.039

Charlie: [In a huff] Just you try to remain courteous in the face of shocking disrespect! [To Hell] How did you decide upon your name? [Skeptically] Had you read one of my mother's articles?

10.05.040

Hell: Hell, I'm high right now! [To Austin] Finley! He's just great! [To Charlie] That depends on who your mother is -- if it's Helena, then no, but she's such an icon in the world of Science and Stuff, I went for that. You know, in the porn industry, you have to have a punny name, so I had to change mine.

Alice: What was your original name?

Hell: Uvanna Handjob.

10.05.041

Austin : [Looks suprised] They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, and in this case it seems to be true.

10.05.042

Alice: Really? Wow, I didn't know she was that famous.

Hell: Yeah, the gays love her!

10.05.043

Charlie: [Irked] More than me?! After my groundbreaking work on homosocial bonding among the bunyip?!

10.05.044

Hell: I don't know what that means, but I think it's because she's such a cold mean bitch.

Alice: [Reassuringly] We all think you're really mean too, Charlie!

10.05.045

Austin : Except me, I don't have the time. [Looks around] We really should speak to Dr Findley. Is he around?

10.05.046

Alice: [Helpfully] It's a quarter past three.

Hell: He certainly is, he's just doing something weird with a pizza delivery guy in the next room.

10.05.047

Jordan: Weird as in something you should be doing with the pizza delivery guy?

10.05.048

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: Weird as in giving the pizza delivery guy a tip? --_c92150ea-e744-4ba0-b89e-468ac4885c5e_

10.05.048

Charlie: [Skeptically] Now, is it really Professor Alistair Finley, or some perverse version of him?!

10.05.049

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzQ4DQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbU2tlcHRpY2FsbHldIE5vdywgaXMg aXQgcmVhbGx5IFByb2Zlc3NvciBBbGlzdGFpciBGaW5sZXksIG9yIHNvbWUgcGVydmVyc2UgdmVy c2lvbiBvZiBoaW0/IQ0KDQpEdXI6IFBoaWxpIGhlbHAgdXMhIEhlJ3MgYSBwZXJ2ZXJzZSB2ZXJz aW9uIGVub3VnaCBhcyBpdCBpcyENCg

10.05.049

Austin : This is not the time for lengthy philosophical debate, we have a world to save!

10.05.050

Hell: I think he may have been [dramatically] eating pizza!

[The door opens. Enter ALISTAIR FINLEY, eating a slice of pizza. He is wearing normal clothes, except for his trousers, which are huge, clown-like ones.]

Finley: Ah, Pukwudgie! There you are! [Gives Hell a hug]

10.05.051

Charlie: [Fuming] Really, Alistair?! Even SHE is [finger quotes] Pukwudgie?!

10.05.052

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: Alistair=2C at last=2C you are a hard man to find! As you can see=2C Ifound the party you send me to find. How is the progress on your side? =

--_cccc9f0e-2f94-4067-938b-055c7b450410_

10.05.052

Finley: Eh? Er, quite, yes. Now, I believe you were about to tell us how to save the world, correct?

10.05.053

Austin : Errm, I thought you were going to tell us?


;;; do we have the Fate books?

10.05.054

Finley: I don't know! We still haven't established what's causing the Reveals! I keep thinking I've figured it out, but then the cause seems to change. It's like someone knows our every move! [To Red] Ah, young... man! How are you getting on?


;;; Not the actual Fatebook (the one that shows how far along The Path

people are)

;;; but yes to "The Books", which are ancient books foretelling the future.

10.05.055

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: It has been.... weird with these people=2C but you learn to love them [smiles] and you never get bored. [Looks seriously.] Any progress on gettin= g people back from the reveals? --_2d1555f4-8045-4ad6-ab80-5795bfb2afc5_

10.05.056

Finley: Excellent question! Excellent! [To Hell] Do you have my pen?

[HELL fishes a large marker out of her pocket and sucks on it salaciously for a moment, before handing it to FINLEY.]

Finley: [Starts to write some fiendishly complex equations on the wall] We actually succeeded in bringing someone back, but just for a moment. There appear to be forces [points to some math on the wall] pulling people back.

10.05.057

Clint: [Turns to Alice] Bimbo, that gobbledygook make sense to you? Is he right?

10.05.058

Last from tom 57

Alice: It does if someone really was brought back. It means that the revealsaren't just disappearing, it means they are going somewhere.=20=

10.05.059

Jordan: Maybe we should try and go down one of them to see if it will reveal where it leads?

10.05.060

Clint: Certainty of death, small chance of success... what are we waiting for?

10.05.061

Jordan: At least someone has the right mentality about it all.


;;; Out for the day.

10.05.062

Charlie: [Skeptically] Alistair, do you think it possible to enter a reveal without it ripping one in two?!

10.05.063

Clint: [Shrugs.] Sarge, we do three impossible things before breakfast. What's the worry?

10.05.064

Austin : It's nearly lunch time.

10.05.065

Alistair: It is an interesting question -- I initially assumed that anyone caught within a Reveal was killed, but now I'm working on the theory that they are transported. However, if one is caught on the cusp, then yes, they would certainly be torn apart.

10.05.066

Charlie: How thrilling! Have you done some trials by sending in dogs and the indigent to test your theories?

10.05.067

Austin : [Alarmed] Why would he waste a perfectly good dog?

10.05.068

Charlie: True, dogs do have many uses. [To Alistair] The indigent, then?

10.05.069

Alistair: Of course! That was the first thing we did! None of them have returned though.

Alice: What happened with the guy you did bring back?

Alistair: He slapped me in the face, called me an idiot and stole my sandwich!

10.05.070

Clint: What were you doing, experimenting on poor Dur like that...

10.05.071


;;; Kevin is out today

Dur: I protest! I would never do such a thing! I would never slap a man! A woman, maybe. Child? If they had something worth stealing, but man? Now who's the idiot?

10.05.072

Charlie: [Excited, to Alistair] Could we speak to the subject?

10.05.073

Alistair: Unfortunately not -- before I could react, he disappeared again! This is why I believe that something pulled him back. It actually created a small Reveal in my lab.

10.05.074

Clint: Hey, this is sounding like a better plan by the minute!

10.05.075

Dur: Did you ever get the sandwich back?

Finley: Alas, no!

Dur: What kind of sandwich was it?

Finley: It was a ... [chokes up a little] tuna m-m-melt.

[HELL gives him a consoling hug.]

Alice: Er, but getting back to the Reveals. How many of them are there now?

Finley: Millions!

10.05.076

Charlie: [Aghast] Oh my! Could they actually consume the realms if they continue unchecked?

10.05.077

Alistair: By my current estimate, approximately 80% of the Realms has already been consumed!

10.05.078

Austin : They must be storing it in another dimension, perhaps even reconstructing it?

10.05.079

Jordan: What parts are still left intact?

Finley: Patches here and there. Look. [Shows a map of the Realms to the party] Any part that is covered in black has been destroyed.

10.05.080

Charlie: [Frowns and studies the map closely] Group, is it my imagination or can you see some of those symbols Will kept drawing?! [Points to an O at the top and a lightning bolt at the bottom]

10.05.081

Alice: [Squints at it] The rest are just kind of a jumble, though, aren't they?

10.05.081

Clint: [Growling] This better not be all part of your kid's midlife crisis!

10.05.082

Alice: But what does this mean?

10.05.083

Charlie: [Wails] I don't know, but Wilhelmina cannot be behind these dreadful things! [Hopefully] Perhaps it is just a coincidence that a few of those symbols appear. Zeroes and lightning bolts are not uncommon, after all.

10.05.084

Jordan: [Throws his hands up in frustration] Oh come off it Chuckles! We all saw that those were two of the symbols that appeared in all of her paintings, don't be so naive as to think your precious Willi has nothing to do with the Reveals!

10.05.085

Alice: But what about the other symbols?

10.05.086

Jordan: [Looking at Finley's map] Well some of these lines do connect to almost look like a cup. Many instances of lines connecting to look like windows. I'm struggling to recognise a tree shape at all, and if anyone can see a woman's face in there you deserve a month long cheese binge vacation from all this balderdash!

10.05.087

Charlie: [Unhappily] Yes, I can see what you mean about the window and cup. There must be some connection to Will, but what?!

10.05.088

Alice: Do we have any idea where the next one might happen?

10.05.089

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM4OA0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IERvIHdlIGhhdmUgYW55IGlkZWEgd2hlcmUg dGhlIG5leHQgb25lIG1pZ2h0IGhhcHBlbj8NCg0KRHVyOiBQZXJoYXBzIHRoZXJlIGlzIHNvbWUg a2luZCBvZiBwYXR0ZXJuIHRvIHRoaXMgbWFkbmVzcz8gSSB3b3VsZCB0aGluayBhIG1hdGhlbWF0 aWNhbCBnZW5pdXMgd291bGQgYmUgYWJsZSB0byBkZWNpcGhlciBvbmUgaWYgaXQgZXhpc3RlZC4u Lg0K

10.05.090

Alice: Maybe there is a pattern, but there's such a mess of them, it's impossible to see.

10.05.091

Jordan: Then redraw the map, putting them on in sequence of appearance, and see if you can decipher a pattern that way as you go along!

10.05.092

Finley: I've done just that -- I had some grad students put together a flip book!

10.05.093

Jordan: Hmm, moon is the circle, the circle with a line would be the tree, then the window, a cup and finally the lightning. Although, when the second lot of Reveals appear, the moon at the top of the tree could be a legless woman. The second moon becomes her head, and the first tree her body and arms, with her hands on her hips. Good job she has no legs, or else she would be tucking her knees in tight.

10.05.094

Clint: Does anyone have a better plan than going through to see what's on the other side? It won't be on now before it doesn't even matter!

10.05.095

Austin: But where will the next one appear? Or disappear?

10.05.096

Charlie: [Squints at the map] Is this a smudge? Or an incomplete Reveal? [Points to the bottom right corner]

10.05.097

Finley: It most certainly is not a smudge! Remember, each character, or letter, is made up of many Reveals.

10.05.098

Jordan: [To Charlie] A smudge? A bloody smudge? Seriously? [Getting more and more aggravated] I'm honestly starting to think Alice is more intelligent than you are Chuckles! It's no wonder your daughter went off the deep end, you weren't smart enough to keep her in line! [Storms out of the room mumbling angrily to himself]

10.05.098


;;; and that is me gone for about 13 weeks everyone. Heading back to

Georgia USA on Monday for 12 weeks. Getting to experience my first

Thanksgiving! Woohoo!

On 24 October 2014 17:19, Marc-Andrew Hunnam Nicholas

10.05.099

Austin : [After Jordan leaves. Exhales slowly] Well, that was a little tense. [Casually checks his nails] So, is the 'smudge' the place to find the next Reveal? And, do we want to be in it?


;;;Very busy week ahead, will post when I can. Off on Friday.


;;;Have a good thx givin Drew!

10.05.100

Alice: [Watches the door slam after Jordan's storm off] I agree with Jordan, Charlie's right, it must be the next Reveal. [To Finley] As Austin says, do we want to be in the Reveal? How sure are you that we won't be just killed?

Finley: I'm about 70% sure.

10.05.101

Charlie: [Delighted] How splendid! High enough to be heroic, yet still reasonably safe! [To the party] To the smudged Reveal!

10.05.102

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: Lets just hope it doesn't reveal anything we don't want it to. =

--_66659fbb-6c45-401c-a4fc-ee4dde58972a_

10.05.103

Dur: Well when you say it like that, how could it Reveal anything else!?

10.05.104

Austin : None of us have anything to hide, we are all good friends. [Looks around the party] Well, we should probably decide where the next Reveal will be, go there, be heroic, and save the world. [Smugly] Again.

10.05.105

Alice: But how do we get there?

Finley: [Traces a route that avoids the Reveals completely] You could try this way, which completely avoids any Reveal activity. I estimate it would take four weeks.

10.05.106

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMxMDUNCg0KPkFsaWNlOiBCdXQgaG93IGRvIHdlIGdldCB0aGVyZT8N Cj4NCj5GaW5sZXk6IFtUcmFjZXMgYSByb3V0ZSB0aGF0IGF2b2lkcyB0aGUgUmV2ZWFscyBjb21w bGV0ZWx5XSBZb3UgY291bGQgdHJ5IHRoaXMgd2F5LCB3aGljaCBjb21wbGV0ZWx5IGF2b2lkcyBh bnkgUmV2ZWFsIGFjdGl2aXR5LiBJIGVzdGltYXRlIGl0IHdvdWxkIHRha2UgZm91ciB3ZWVrcy4N Cg0KRHVyOiBEbyB3ZSBoYXZlIHRoYXQgbXVjaCB0aW1lPyBQZXJoYXBzIHdlIGNvdWxkIHRyYXZl bCBieSBhaXIgc29tZSBob3c/DQo

10.05.107

Charlie: No, we haven't that much time. The entire realms could be consumed by then! [To Finley] Are there no water routes we might take?

10.05.108

Finley: Ingenious! Yes, if you set sail in a Northwesterly direction, I believe that it would be possible to sail right around and come out close to the location of the next Reveal.

Alice: Brilliant! How long will that take?

Finley: I estimate two months. Once we've designed and built a ship capable of making the journey, of course!

10.05.109

Clint: Why don't we go by balloon? A dangerous, untested balloon. And we can always just use the time machine if we have to.

10.05.110

Charlie: Ooh, a balloon would be marvelous! [To Finley] Dare I ask if you have a balloon already assembled and ready to launch?

10.05.111

Finley: Ah, yes! Of course! Once the fire is put out, it'll be ready to go! [Stares at Clint] Time machine, eh? That just might work!

10.05.112

Charlie: [To Finley, skeptically] Really? It won't take six months or some nonsense? And it's not on fire?

10.05.113

Clint: Sometimes a balloon is just a balloon, Sarge. Just go with it.

10.05.114

Finley: Yes, the baloon most certainly IS on fire, young man! The time machine, on the other hand, is not.

10.05.115

Charlie: [Delighted] Wonderful! We shall take the time machine, then. [Frets] I do hope someday I can travel in time for the purposes of study, and not always just travel in time for heroic reasons!


;;; Is the time machine back in the House of Teas?

10.05.115

Austin : Unfortunately I don't think the time machine send you back very far, just a few hours at most?

10.05.116

Finley: That depends on what sort of time machine you are talking about, young man! Some are short term, others can be much longer. Others, long still. Still others? Even longer! Many more? Don't work at all!


;;; There was one in the convent in Nostalgia, yes!

10.05.117

Clint: The question is, does the one in Nostalgia take us far enough back that we can show up here in time to save the balloon? And do we want to risk running into those nuns again!

10.05.118

Finley: I'm quite sure that the one in the University will take you far back enough.

Alice: Now, the time machine isn't on fire, is it?

Finley: Of course not! Don't be absurd. [Thoughtfully] The building it's in, however, well, that's another matter.

10.05.119

Charlie: [Gasps] Hurry, group! To the time machine, before it goes up in flames!

10.05.120

Austin : Are they flammable?

10.05.121

Finley: Violently so.

10.05.122

Charlie: [Excited] Then will you take us there at once?!

10.05.123

Finley: Certainly not! Have you seen the sort of ludicrous outfits people have to wear to move around campus?

10.05.124

Charlie: [Exasperated] This from a man who routinely cannot find his trousers!


;;; I think that's my three!

10.05.125

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzEyNA0KDQo+Q2hhcmxpZTogW0V4YXNwZXJhdGVkXSBUaGlzIGZy b20gYSBtYW4gd2hvIHJvdXRpbmVseSBjYW5ub3QgZmluZCBoaXMgdHJvdXNlcnMhDQoNCkR1cjog V2hpY2ggaXMgdHJ1bHkgYSBzaGFtZSwgZm9yIGEgbWFuIHdpdGggbm8gdHJvdXNlcnMgaGFzIG5v IHBsYWNlIHRvIHN0b3JlIGEgc2FuZHdpY2ggZm9yIGEgcmFpbnkgZGF5IQ0KDQo7OztEdXIgdG8g dGhlIHJlc2N1ZSENCg

10.05.126

Clint: We don't have time to argue! Just give us directions so we can run into a burning building, which is something we haven't done enough of lately.

10.05.127

Finley: [Squeezes Dur's shoulder] Ah, finally, a man who truly understands the implications of a trouser malfunction. [To Clint] It is right across campus, a mile to the west.

Alice: Are we really going run into a burning building dressed like this? On a [looks at a nearby calendar] Monday? At [checks her watch] 3PM?

10.05.128

Clint: I know it's a lot to ask, Bimbo, but sometimes you've got to do what you've got to do. Besides, it's not like there'll be anyone in the building to see!

10.05.129

Finley: Yeah, Bimbo! It's not like there'll be anyone in the building to see!

Alice: Okay, Stinky, but what about HARMA?

Finley: Yeah, Stinky! What ABOUT HARMA?

10.05.130

Clint: Since when did we care what those idiots thought?


;;; And I'm off. Must take the car in for the state inspection.

10.05.130

Austin : Indeed, Stinky! WHAT ABOUT HARMA?

10.05.131

Austin : Good point. Well made. I believe that 'never' is the answer.

10.05.132

Alice: So they're going to let us just walk across campus looking like students? Totes prep!

10.05.133

Charlie: Well, we can make these outfits more pornographic. [Somewhat wearily] I suspect Dr. Finley would be happy to assist!

10.05.134

Alice: I thought these were pornographic!

Hell: They are, but for a fire? Oh, please!

10.05.135

Charlie: One needs a different sort of pornographic outfit to rush toward a fire?

10.05.136

Finley: Most certainly! There is a large collection in the next room, just tell Hell what you would most like.


;;; Who wants to suggest an outfit??

10.05.137

Charlie: [Hesitantly] A saucy fire-fighter's uniform?

10.05.138

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzEzNw0KDQo+Q2hhcmxpZTogW0hlc2l0YW50bHldIEEgc2F1Y3kg ZmlyZS1maWdodGVyJ3MgdW5pZm9ybT8NCg0KRHVyOiBbQ29uZnVzZWRdIFdoeSBvbiBlYXJ0aCB3 b3VsZCB5b3Ugd2FudCBhIHVuaWZvcm0gY292ZXJlZCBpbiBncmF2eT8NCg0KDQo7OzsgWklORyEN Cg

10.05.139

Finley: Because, my friend, when someone steals your trousers, you can simply squeeze out the sleeves of the jacket to get some food!

[Exit ALL.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming up soon!

10.06.001

[Book IX, Act VI, Scene VI. The Costume Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and RED have just arrived with FINLEY. The room is crammed full of every conceivable kind of costume, from Aardvark Hunters to Zookeeper.]

Finley: And here we have everything you could possibly want!

Alice: Can we combine them to make up our own?

Finley: As long as they are saucy, suggestive and wouldn't be out of place in a pornographic film of any category except science fiction from the last thirty to ten years, then by all means!

10.06.002

Charlie: [Digs around and promptly comes up with a skimpy firefighter's costume that looks like a male stripper outfit, complete with an enormously intimidating hose] I shall take this one!

10.06.003

Alice: [Dressed as a French maid/firefighter] Ha! You look crazy, Charlie!


;;; Dom is out today

Austin: [Wearing as conservative a fireman costume as he can find, complete with shiny red helmet] Do the indignities never end?

10.06.003

Clint: [Cobbles together a biker outfit complete with an utter lack of shirt and a jacket bearing the slogans "bikers do it on asphalt" and "I brake for nookie."] It could be worse...

10.06.004

Alice: What kind of fire are you trying to put out, Stinky? [Theatrically] One in a gay guy's loins? Zing!

10.06.005

Clint: [Disgruntled.] I'm the paramedic, obviously!

10.06.005


;;; No posting today! Back to normal tomorrow!

10.06.006

Austin : Let us pray that no one gets hurt.

10.06.007

Alice: Between the gay paramedic and Dur, it'll be a miracle if we can get to the door without someone getting hurt!

[ALICE heads to the door of the dressing room, but immediately stands on and slips on a carelessly discarded sandwich, before crashing into a table of shiny helmets.]

Alice: Ow.

10.06.008

Austin : [Rushes over to help Alice] Are you okay? Do you need mouth to mouth? [Checks Alice's pulse and listens to her heart if she lets him]

10.06.009

Charlie: [Scolding] Dur, do be more careful about leaving your food about!

10.06.010

Alice: I think I have an Austin on my boobs.

10.06.011

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Red: [Appears from behind a pile of clothing dressed as a police officer=2Cwith chaps and a not-so-standard club] Nothing to see here=2C move along p= eople. [Directs the party onward.] --_2e14f143-8c8d-4c61-a072-93f4cc19d86b_

10.06.012

Austin : [Worried] Are they okay? [Checks Alice's boobs to make sure they are okay. Wipes his brow in relief and puts his helmet back on] I think you are going to recover fully. [Helps Alice up] All in a days work for a fireman.

10.06.013

Alice: I think they're perky and perf. Although a bit too manhandled for my liking!

10.06.014

Charlie: Mr. Sleaze, do behave yourself! Haven't Alice's breasts seen enough [finger quotes] action for one lifetime as it is?!

10.06.015

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10.06.016

Alice: Aw, thanks so much, Dur. [Sighs and looks off into space] You know, although everyone thinks you're a weirdo, I think you're actually quite nice, and -- [notices that he's talking to the sandwich] Hey!

10.06.017

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10.06.018

Charlie: [To Dur, urgently] Stop that! With costumes like these in stock, Phili only knows what sort of horrible people patronize this shop--and what they drop or leak upon the floor!


;;; Keeeevin! Ewww!

10.06.019

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10.06.019

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Red: [Puts a detective cap on top of his police cap=2C lights a pipe and grabs a magnifying glass] I believe I can answer that for you=2C but I shall = need a doctor as assistant. --_24d6c0cd-bb01-4c15-97db-4b225ee1432f_

10.06.020

Alice: You sure that's actually mayonnaise?

10.06.019

Clint: I think what she's trying to say, doc, is that that's probably not mayo.

10.06.021

Charlie: [Looking at the floor disapprovingly] Whatever it was, it's gone now! [Looks at the party] Is everyone properly uniformed? We really must see to this fire!

10.06.022

Austin : Time machine, Sarge! I know it is difficult whilst wearing these ridiculous costumes, but we must stay focused. We are not firemen.

10.06.023

Alice: [Squirts water all over Austin] Oops.

10.06.024

Charlie: [To Austin, trying to hide her disappointment] But if we DO see a fire along the way, we really should put it out. Otherwise, people might feel we have misrepresented ourselves!

10.06.025

Alice: Wait a minute? We're firemen? I thought we were strippers! [Heads to the door] Let's get to this time machine burn it to the ground!

10.06.026

Charlie: Hurry, group! Follow me, and keep those matches away from Alice!

10.06.049

Ram: Mmf-mmmm-mmf! Mf?

10.06.050

Charlie: Now, start counting until you reach Graham's Number, and then you may take off your mask!

10.06.047

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzQ2DQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbTm9kcyBlbnRodXNpYXN0aWNhbGx5 LCB0cnlpbmcgdG8gY3VmZiBSYW1dIFllcywgaXNuJ3QgaXQgdGhyaWxsaW5nPyAgW1RvIENsaW50 IGFuZCBEdXJdIEdpdmUgbWUgYSBoYW5kIHdpdGggdGhpcyBzYXVjeSBnYW1lLCB3b3VsZCB5b3U/ DQoNCkR1cjogW0NvbmZ1c2VkXSBTYXVjeT8gRGlkIEkgbWlzcyBzb21lIGZsb29yIG1heW9ubmFp c2Ugc29tZXdoZXJlPyBbTG9va3MgYXJvdW5kXQ0K

10.06.037

Ram: I think there are lots of cucumber sandwiches in that shop near the time machine.

10.06.051

Ram: Mmahmm's mumba?

10.06.044

Charlie: [Takes the cuffs from Red] Perfect! [To Ram] Now, if you'll take your chair, we can start to get a bit more [tries to wink in a painfully awkward manner] academic, if one understands my meaning!

10.06.048

Austin : Allow me [Swiftly and securely attatches various sets of hand cuffs and leg cuffs, a blind fold and a gag, to Ram]

10.06.052

Charlie: [Brightly] That's right! After that, you shall have all of the sandwiches and intercourse you desire! [Moves to exit the room, motioning for the party to follow her, chop chop!]

10.06.039

Austin : It is no wonder that you have been gaining so much weight recently.

10.06.046

Charlie: [Nods enthusiastically, trying to cuff Ram] Yes, isn't it thrilling? [To Clint and Dur] Give me a hand with this saucy game, would you?

10.06.040

Ram: But I know a shortcut to the sandwich shop! Us hungry students often need to get there quickly!

10.06.053

Clint: [Follows, amused.] And no cheating. It's all part of her twisted little game, see, and she takes her sex games very, very, seriously. Or so I've heard.

10.06.054


;;; Remember, we've already sneaked out a back exit!

Alice: Uh, do we know where the time machine is?

Ram: Mi Mknow!

10.06.030

Austin : [To Charlie] Lead the way Sarge!

10.06.029

[AUSTIN opens the back door slightly and the street is empty. The party creep out, only to spot RAM HA, standing a short distance away, holding a stack of burgers.]

Ram: Hi, friends!

10.06.055

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Red: Can you stare in the direction? --_50d2c85d-a782-4d05-8103-47e7e3014d75_

10.06.056

Clint: It's all part of the game, y'see. [Nods in Charlie's direction.] . Like the cucumber sandwiches and the floor mayonnaise.

10.06.031

Ram: Where are we going, gang? Mm! Who would like a tasty burger? Us students sure do eat a lot of burgers, don't we?

10.06.042

Alice: Yeesh! Does she ever think about anything else??

Ram: [Excited] Yes, yes! That's very studenty!

10.06.057

Ram: Mo, mi man't.

Alice: Is that because you're an idiot or because you're facing away?

Ram: Moath.

10.06.045

Ram: [Sits, but bounces up and down happily] I love being an underc- a student!

10.06.043

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Red: These should help. [Hands over some handcuffs from his police toolbelt.] =

--_9f6772ae-b70e-45ce-bcb1-ac026caf60e7_

10.06.041

Charlie: Oh, I know! Let's play a game first, to work up the appetite. [To Ram] You sit in this chair, and I will saucily bind your arms and legs to it.

10.06.034

Ram: Yes! [Holds up the burgers] I have snacks here! Mm-mm!

10.06.032

Charlie: [Nods emphatically] Oh, yes! I believe that can be traced to endocannabinoids activating cannabinoid receptors! Do run out and fetch us some cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off, and we will stay here and prepare to disrobe with wild abandon!

10.06.038

Charlie: Marvelous, I shall go and fetch them. [To Ram] You stay here and make sure no authority figures come to spoil our wild capering! Now, I will be carrying a LOT of sandwiches, so you come help. And you. You as well. . . . [points to each member of the party] .

10.06.058

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Red: [Tries to turn the chair but lacks the physical strength] Some help guys? Let's turn him by pi. [To Ram] We will turn you half a circle=2C can yo= u stare then? --_79848430-3a3d-41bd-85e9-ad0ca8ce19cc_

10.06.036

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10.06.035

Charlie: [Laughs] That isn't enough for Dur! We really must have much MUCH more.

10.06.033

Clint: [Translating for Ram's benefit.] . She means, she got the munchies and wants you to bring her some snacks so you can go streaking together.

10.06.027

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Red: [Grabs a flashlight and stands near the door] Indeed=2C move along people=2C nothing to see. =

--_85005adc-9fd6-4760-8b14-15fd311ddaff_

10.06.028

Austin : [Opens the door to check that the coast is clear] Okay, let's go!

10.06.029

Clint: [Nods and lead the way on out.] . To the burning building! [Looks around for such a place and, if he spots it, heads that way.]

10.06.059

[RAM nods, and the party turn him by 180 degrees.]

Alice: Should we have turned him the other way? You know, anti-clockwise?

[They turn him again.]

Alice: Okay, now he's facing back the way he was!

[Another turn. RAM is clearly quite dizzy, but nods towards a street.]

10.06.060

Charlie: [Hesitantly] Should we trust him? Alistair did give us directions, didn't he?

10.06.061

Alice: No! We sneaked out before he did. Let's at least check it out, I mean, what's the worst that could happen?

10.06.062

Austin : We could be captured, tortured and killed by HARMA?

10.06.063

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Red: If we convince them to reverse that order=2C it will be a lot better. And we can always try to no get caught . [Proudly] I have never been caught= by HARMA. --_42a4bc2b-322b-400f-94ca-4f0bf1386983_

10.06.064

Alice: What about the time you climbed up through the sewer system of a flying boat, got covered in all sorts of disgusting crap and found yourself surrounded by HARMA officers who were subsequently killed in a Tomatonado?


;;; That, of course, happened to the party BEFORE Red joined

10.06.065

Charlie: [Shudders] Oh, those horrid mimes! [To the party] Very well, we shall follow his directions, but let us be ready for a trap!

10.06.066

[The party advance in the direction indicated by RAM.]

Alice: Charlie is right, those HARMA guys are very sneaky, let's make sure we're on our toes. Oh look, maybe this guy can show us the way?

[Standing up ahead of the party is BORIS AHMAR, a man with an extremely unnerving smile.]

Boris: Hail, fellow 'dents!

10.06.067

Austin : [To Alice] Maybe we can just ask him to go away. He looks weird.

10.06.068

Clint: [Snorts.] Have you taken a good look at us and what we're wearing at the moment, lawyer? It's not like we're in any position to criticize!

10.06.069

Austin : Mr Scar, you look better now than you have done in years. Almost human.

10.06.070

Alice: Well, let's not go crazy, Aus -- it's not like anyone is going to mistake him for one... well, other than Dur.

Boris: Hey friends! Where's the fire? [Slightly crazy laugh] Ha ha ha!

10.06.071

Charlie: [Taken aback, laughs nervously] Oh, yes! Quite! [Looks around] Where IS the fire?!

10.06.072

Alice: Er, the Cucumber Sandwich Shop?

Boris: [Unnerving laugh] Ha ha ha. That is so typical of them. They constantly burn cucumber sandwiches. Let us put it out before they burn more.

10.06.073

Austin : We are not risking our lives to save a few sandwiches. Are there people trapped inside?

10.06.074

Alice: [To Austin] It's not the burning cucumber sandwiches that we're trying to save, it's the time machine!

10.06.075

Charlie: [To Boris] Do leave this dangerous work to the professionals! Just point us in the direction of the sandwich shop, and we shall be on our way!

10.06.076

Clint: But until the professionals show up, leave the dangerous work to us!

10.06.077

Boris: Of course! The sandwich shop is over there. [Points further away]


;;; Maikel is out today

Red: Someone must have lit it and ran away. You should find them. [Points back towards Ram] I think they went that-a-way.

Boris: Yes, I bet they did. [Makes no move]

10.06.078

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10.06.079

Boris: Ha. Ha. Ha. [Keeps smiling his scary smile]

10.06.080

Clint: [To Boris] Anyone ever tell you that your really, really creepy? Even by our standards!

10.06.081

Boris: All the time! Ha. Ha. Ha.

Alice: So, er, other than being really creepy, what are you?

Boris: My name is Boris Ahmar. My friend calls me 'oris. I am a student. I like not learning and eating deep friend cucumber sandwiches. Ha. Ha. Ha.

10.06.082

Charlie: I am sorry to say they might not be your friends! [Confidentially] 'oris is a positively horrid name.

10.06.083

Boris: Ha. Ha. Ha.

Alice: [To the party] Er, let's just get out of here!

10.06.084

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM4Mw0KDQo+Qm9yaXM6IEhhLiBIYS4gSGEuDQo+DQo+QWxpY2U6IFtU byB0aGUgcGFydHldIEVyLCBsZXQncyBqdXN0IGdldCBvdXQgb2YgaGVyZSENCg0KRHVyOiBEZWZp bml0ZWx5LiBXZWxsIGNhcnJ5IG9uIG9sJyBjaGFwLCBJIHRoaW5rIHRoZXJlIHdhcyBhIHN0YWNr IG9mIFBpenphJ3MgYW5kIHNvbWUgaGlnaGx5IGRldmlhbnQgYmVoYXZpb3IgaGFwcGVuaW5nIGlu IHRoYXQgZGlyZWN0aW9uLiBbUG9pbnRzIGJhY2sgdGhlIHdheSB0aGV5IGNhbWVdDQo

10.06.085

Austin : [Looks around to see if he can see fire or smoke anywhere. To Dur] I would not waste effort on him, he is too simple to follow even the most basic instructions.

10.06.086

Boris: Ha. Ha. Ha. It certainly seems that way.

[There is definitely some smoke coming from the direction indicated by 'ORIS.]

10.06.087

Austin : [To Boris] Your acting is excellent, you are a most convincing fool. [To the party] Let's get moving! [Heads off in the direction of the smoke]

10.06.088

[The party, accompanied by BORIS, round the corner and spot "Alfred's Cucumber and Amusing Shaped Vegetable Sandwich Shoppe", which is right beside a building which is completely engulfed in flames.]

Boris: Look, they have a cabbage shaped like Joe Nunpar's head. Ha. Ha.

Alice: And look! A starfruit shaped like a star! [Thinks] Hm, is a starfruit a fruit or a vegetable?

10.06.089

Charlie: [To the party, looking at the burning building skeptically] Does anyone see a way inside? Or some water to douse the fire with?!

10.06.090

Alice: Nothing! [To Boris] Do you have any water?

Boris: [Stares at Alice, still wearing his weird smile] No! Ha. Ha. Ha.

10.06.091

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Austin: [to boris] why are you following us?

--047d7bf0c0868fe5ba050793a6fa

10.06.091

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Red: I got more fire=2C yet I don't think we can fight this fire with fire.=

--_dc24fdb5-5399-4aa6-a740-5ff2abb5ba1e_

10.06.092

Boris: Ha. Ha. I like hanging out with the gang. Let us get some sambos. Deepfried cucumber. [Rubs his stomach] The food of rebels.

10.06.093

Charlie: [To the group, resigned] Perhaps we had better go back to the time machine we've used before! This one appears to be decidedly unusable!

10.06.094

Alice: Really, Charlie? A cucumber sandwich shop and you're just going to walk away?

10.06.095

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Red: Yes! Because... [Ponders for quite some time] Wait what was I talking about? O yeah=2C because with the time machine=2C the sandwiches will be ev= en fresher! --_862a1635-40d7-461d-828b-2549874221bc_

10.06.096

Alice: The time machine that's on fire?

Boris: Ha. Ha. Ha. You made a funny joke.

10.06.097

Charlie: [To Alice] Do be serious! We can take our sandwiches to go. [Commandingly] To the sandwichery!

10.06.098

Clint: Fine, but can we ditch the freak first?

10.06.099

Alice: Stinky! [Points to Dur] He's standing right there!

10.06.100

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Red: [Insulted] Indeed! [Gently smiling] I like your honesty=2C [frowns] But that is a bit mean after what we have been too. =

--_6e1b3688-a3a6-4662-be8c-79e9f34bcff2_

10.06.101

Alice: Uh.... [puzzled] Ha. Ha. Ha.

10.06.101

Austin : [Claps his hands] Burning time machine people! Let's go! Try to stay focused!

10.06.102

Charlie: [Looks at Austin and beams] Mr. Sleaze, I have never found you a more satisfying colleague! [To the party] You heard the man--let us douse this fire somehow!

10.06.103

Austin : All in a days work Sarge! [Looks around for a large water supply/hose. Looks in the building to see how bad the fire is]

10.06.104

[The building is completely ablaze, and there's no obvious water sources.]

Alice: Maybe the sandwich shop has some water?

10.06.105

Austin : Everyone search for a water supply! [Searches around the place]

10.06.106

Charlie: [Heads for the sandwich shop] Quickly, group! They must have some water here, to keep the cucumbers hydrated!

10.06.107

Alice: Yeesh, you just HAD to go to the Cucumber Sandwich Shop, didn't you?

[Exit ALL into the shop.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

10.07.001

[Book X, Act X, Scene VII. The Cucumber Sandwich Shop. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, RED and BORIS have just charged in the door. The shop is very nicely laid out, with all sorts of impossibly delicate cucumber sandwiches placed around, as well as a shelf of amusing shaped vegetables. The proprietor, LESLEY WHITAKER-BUCKET, a well dressed man with a silver tray, stands inside the counter.]

Boris: Lesley! My old friend. [Smiles manically]

Lesley: It is pronounced Less-Lay.

10.07.002

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10.07.003

Charlie: [Quickly] He does not mean to be rude, but we have quite an urgent situation! We need water, and quickly! Chop chop!!


;;; Hooray, congrats!

10.07.004

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzMNCg0KPkNoYXJsaWU6IFtRdWlja2x5XSBIZSBkb2VzIG5vdCBt ZWFuIHRvIGJlIHJ1ZGUsIGJ1dCB3ZSBoYXZlIHF1aXRlIGFuIHVyZ2VudCBzaXR1YXRpb24hICBX ZSBuZWVkIHdhdGVyLCBhbmQgcXVpY2tseSEgIENob3AgY2hvcCEhDQoNCkR1cjogWWVzISBXYXRl ciwgdGhlIGxpcXVpZHkgZ2l2ZXIgb2YgbGlmZS4gSXQgbG9va3Mga2luZGEgbGlrZSB0aGlzLi4u IFtEdXIgdHJpZXMgdG8gY2FzdCBDcmVhdGUgV2F0ZXIgKGh0dHA6Ly9kdW5nZW9ucy53aWtpYS5j b20vd2lraS9TUkQ6Q2xlcmljX1NwZWxsX0xpc3QpLiBJZiBzdWNjZXNzZnVsIGhlIGRvZXNuJ3Qg bG9vayBmb3IgYW55IGtpbmQgb2YgY29udGFpbmVyIG9yIGFueXRoaW5nIGJ1dCBpbnN0ZWFkIGp1 c3QgbGV0cyBpdCBzcGxhc2ggdG8gdGhlIGZsb29yLl0NCg

10.07.005

pell_List). If successful he doesn't look for any kind of container or anything but instead just lets it splash to the floor.]

Austin : [Surprised] You could have cast that onto the fire!

10.07.006

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbSAjNQ0KDQo+QXVzdGluIDogW1N1cnByaXNlZF0gWW91IGNvdWxkIGhhdmUg Y2FzdCB0aGF0IG9udG8gdGhlIGZpcmUhDQoNCkR1cjogW0JsaW5rcyBhcyBpZiBjb25mdXNlZF0g QnV0IHdlJ3JlIG5vdCBBVCB0aGUgZmlyZSBhbnltb3JlLiBTaGVlc2gsIHBheSBhdHRlbnRpb24g QXVzdGluIQ0K

10.07.007

Clint: Never mind that! [To Lesley] Take us to your liters.


;;; Congrats, Kevin. On an unrelated note, I have to head off to do

car stuff this morning,

;;; so am probably done for the day, alas.

10.07.008

Alice: [Gives Austin a disgusted look] And you call yourself a fireman?

[The water splashes onto the floor.]

Lesley: I say! What on earth are you doing? Place the water in a container. There are several on the shelf behind you!

[The shelf contains a display of tiny cups, each no bigger than a shot glass.]


;;; Excellent stuff, Kevin! Well done!

10.07.009

Austin : [To Lesley] Do you have a large and consistent water supply and a length of hose pipe?


;;;; happy days Kevin!

10.07.010

Lesley: I think you mean a Jose pipe, and yes, yes I do. What sort of attachment do you require at the end of the Jose?

10.07.011

Charlie: [Puzzled] Who is Jose? [Brightens] Oh, a servant lad, perhaps? Yes, do fetch him, and tell him to bring a hose!

10.07.012

Lesley: Oh, dear, I'm afraid I really have no idea what you are trying to say. Do enunciate clearly.

10.07.013

Austin : Please excuse her, her education was somewhat lacking. We would be most grateful if we could use an attachment that allowed us to control the rate of flow and permitted the flow to be focused, tightly.


;;; sigh :)

10.07.014

Lesley: Ah, of course, although I think you mean "flaw". [Produces a hose with a suspiciously small tip] Here you are, my good sir.


;;; All these damned cucumber sandwich shop owners are the same!

10.07.015

Charlie: [Grabs the hose and studies it skeptically. To Lesley] Right, is there anyone sensible working here?

10.07.016

Lesley: I'm sorry -- I really don't understand a word she's saying.

Alice: You do know that there's a raging fire next door, right?

Lesley: You mean a ragging fire? Yes, quite.

10.07.017

Austin : We are trying to put out the fire next door, could you show us where the kitchen or WC is please?

10.07.018

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: Aah=2C it seems this is a man of class=2C you need a special way to talk to them. [lifts up his pinky.] Or a garden "jose" [adds the gesture] =2C = firetruck=2C watertruck or gargantuan water balloon will also do. =3B=3B=3B Cheers Kevin! 3B=3B=3B Sorry for being late=2C ran a grimefighter today and that took hostage of my PC for a few hours. =

--_3ee2caec-d8b3-4398-8399-ebd875192cc5_

10.07.019

Lesley: If you want to put out the fire, why don't you just travel back in time and stop it when it is small?

10.07.020

Charlie: Travel back in time? In the time machine that is on fire, you mean?

10.07.021

Austin : Well it's not getting any less on fire whilst we stand here. No time like the present! Let's go.

10.07.022

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjMjENCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFdlbGwgaXQncyBub3QgZ2V0dGluZyBhbnkg bGVzcyBvbiBmaXJlIHdoaWxzdCB3ZSBzdGFuZCBoZXJlLiBObyB0aW1lIGxpa2UgdGhlIHByZXNl bnQhIExldCdzIGdvLg0KDQpEdXI6IEkgd2lsbCB0cnkgdG8gZmVuZCBvZmYgdGhlIGZsYW1lcyBh cyBiZXN0IEkgY2FuISBbR2V0cyByZWFkeSB0byBjYXN0IENSRUFURSBXQVRFUiBhcyBuZWVkZWRd DQo

10.07.023

Lesley: The time machine is not on fire. [Holds up his tray of sandwiches] Would any like a cucumber sandwich with the crusts cut off?

10.07.024

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: I'd love one [grabs a sandwich] . Would you also have a secret door to the time machine? If possible one that is not on fire. =

--_144c396f-6acd-4f28-a5a6-0a0ced84f756_

10.07.025

Austin : why thank you. [Takes a sandwhich] Heros like us rarely get time to eat! [Delicately nibbles his sandwhich]

10.07.026

Lesley: No, we do not have a secret door.

Alice: [Takes a sandwich and swallows it whole] But you do have a time machine? [Looks startled] Oh my GOD! That's the best god damned sandwich I've ever eaten! I think I just peed myself a little!

Lesley: We get that a lot.

Boris: Ha. Ha. Ha. Where is the time machine, loser? My 'dent buds and I want one.

10.07.027

Clint: Just a sec. We need to lose that guy in the worst way. [Goes to bop Boris upside the head.]

10.07.028

[CLINT smacks BORIS hard with the hilt of his sword.]

Boris: [With blood dripping down from the top of his head] Ow. That really hurt. Ha. Ha. Ha.

Lesley: Perhaps I could interest sirs or madams in a ham mere?

10.07.029

Charlie: Just the time machine, please! [Tries to enunciate as crazily as possible] I mean the tim match-in-ay, that is.

10.07.030

Lesley: My fear is that this obvious HARMA agent will immediately try to steal the tim match-in-ay. Are you sure madam won't like a ham mere? To ham mere him on the head?

10.07.031

Austin : Yes she would like a ham mere to ham mere him on the head!

10.07.032

[In a flash, LESLEY produces a silver tray with a large hammer on it.]

Boris: You won't do that. It could kill me. [Smiles] Ha. Ha. Ha.

10.07.033

Austin : [To Charlie] He is correct, it could take a few hits. Let me know if you get tired.

10.07.034

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Red: I don't know what your burning desires are=2C but I desire to enter the burning building without dieing. And that is getting harder by the second= . [Grabs all the usefull items and looks around for a hose=2C jose or cluewhere to find one.] 3B=3B=3B I'm out=2C dinner at friends time! --_95fcde45-0406-4052-8e3b-b912b44e8bb6_

10.07.035

Last room Conor #34

Clint: C'mon, Sarge, it's banner time ! [Bops Boris again, on general principle.]

10.07.036

Boris: Ow! Ha. Ha. I think I have a concussion. Ha. Ha. Ha.

10.07.037

Charlie: [To Clint] One more time, for good measure?

10.07.038

Clint: Don't mind if I do! [Obliges, and with great enthusiasm.]

10.07.037

Austin : [To Charlie] Sorry Sarge, you are taking far too long [Takes the hammer and hammers Boris unconscious if he can]

10.07.038

[Crack! BORIS is knocked unconscious.]

Alice: Hurrah! Now, quickly, where's the time machine?

Lesley: I bet your pardon?

Alice: The tee-am mack hine?

Lesley: I really have no idea what you are talking about. [Holds up a tray of sandwiches] Sandwich?

10.07.039

Austin : Could you show us where the time machine is please?

10.07.039

Austin : Could you show us to the time machine please? [Nibbles at another sandwich]

10.07.040

Lesley: Certainly! It is really rather spectacular! It is in the next room.

[BORIS suddenly wakes.]

Boris: I think I am very badly injured. [Smiles crazily] Ha. Ha. Haaaaa. [Falls unconscious]


;;; And there we will break for TWO weeks!

10.07.040

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3B=3B=3B Aw :<=2C see you all in two weeks! --_95d8dc6d-9d7e-44a9-837e-e8efa97b5b06_

10.07.042

Lesley: [Dramatically throwing open some double doors] Behold! The Tee-am mack hine!

Alice: [Disappointed] The time machine is a sheet?

Lesley: No, it's underneath the sheet!

10.07.043

Austin : [Carefully pulls the sheet off and passes it to Alice] Ta-da!


;;; hope you all survived thanksgiving! For some reason we just do

black Friday with no thanksgiving ...

10.07.044

Charlie: [Excited] At last! [Watches to see the time machine appear]


;;; That's how it is in Ireland, too! But, being a half-American household, we

;;; had the family over and ate ourselves into comas anyway!

10.07.045

[In the middle of the room stands the gleaming Time Machine. It appears to be a child's tricycle.]

Alice: I think it looked better with the sheet on it!

10.07.046

Austin : [Looking uneasy and a little nervous] How does it work?

10.07.047

Lesley: Get it up to 8.8 mph and it will do the time jump.

Alice: I'm sorry, but that's the stupidest looking time machine I've ever seen.

Lesley: Really? [Leans over and rings the bell] Still think it's looks stupid?

10.07.048

Charlie: [Awkwardly sits on the tricycle seat] How does one work the pedals? [Tries to use her knees on the pedals]

10.07.049

Alice: No no no! You sit facing the other way!

10.07.050

Austin : I think we will all need to get on it at the same time and reach 8.8 mph! I hope it doesn't break it!

10.07.051

Alice: Will it really be able to got that fast?

Lesley: Of course! Look! It has go faster tassels on the side!

10.07.052

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICM1MQ0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IFdpbGwgaXQgcmVhbGx5IGJlIGFibGUgdG8g Z290IHRoYXQgZmFzdD8NCj4NCj5MZXNsZXk6IE9mIGNvdXJzZSEgTG9vayEgSXQgaGFzIGdvIGZh c3RlciB0YXNzZWxzIG9uIHRoZSBzaWRlIQ0KDQpEdXI6IFdlbGwgYXQgbGVhc3QgdGhhdCBzZXR0 bGVzIHRoYXQgaXNzdWUhIFNoYWxsIHdlIGJlZ2luPw0KDQo7OzsgSGkgZXZlcnlib2R5ISBCYWNr IGZyb20gdmFjYXRpb24uIEkgYW0gZ29pbmcgdG8gdHJ5IHRvIGdldCBjYXVnaHQgdXAgYW5kIGp1 bXAgYmFjayBpbnRvIHRoZSBnYW1lIHRoaXMgd2VlayBidXQgSSBzdGFydCBteSBuZXcgam9iIHRv ZGF5IGFuZCBpdCBpcyBnb2luZyB0byByZXF1aXJlIGEgZ29vZCBiaXQgb2YgdHJhaW5pbmcgYW5k IGRldmVsb3BtZW50IHNvIEkgd2lsbCBiZSBpbiBhbmQgb3V0IG9mIG15IG9mZmljZS4gDQo

10.07.053

Alice: [Stands on one of the bars at the back] Go! Go! Go!

10.07.054

Austin : [Stands on another bar at the back] Wait for everyone to get on!

10.07.055

Charlie: [Tortuously trying to move the pedals] And do hurry! I shall have us going at a blinding speed momentarily!

10.07.056

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzU1DQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbVG9ydHVvdXNseSB0cnlpbmcgdG8g bW92ZSB0aGUgcGVkYWxzXSBBbmQgZG8gaHVycnkhICBJIHNoYWxsIGhhdmUgdXMgZ29pbmcgYXQg YSBibGluZGluZyBzcGVlZCBtb21lbnRhcmlseSENCg0KRHVyOiBbQ2xpbWJzIGFib2FyZF0gSG93 IGV4aGlsYXJhdGluZyEgUHVtcCB0aG9zZSBsZWdzIGdpcmwhIA0K

10.07.057

[Cree-eaaak! The tricycle moves on about a foot.]

Alice: Are we travelling in time yet?

10.07.058

Charlie: Group, I think we must face the possibility that this is not, in fact, a time machine!

10.07.059

Clint: How 'bout if the lightest person here hops on and the rest of us keep one foot on the "time machine" and push? Or maybe this is just not a time machine.

10.07.060

Alice: Sh! Sh! Everybody be quiet -- something has just dawned on me. Maybe, just maybe... this is, in actual fact, not a time machine!

10.07.061

Clint: Now what would give you a crazy idea like that, Bimbo?

10.07.062

Austin : [Looks doubtfully at the tricycle] It's not that crazy! How on earth would you get this to 8.8mph?

10.07.063

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Red: [Smiles slightly creepy] Rocket power.... or a ramp or downhill slope=2C but rocket power! [Takes a seat on the wheel] =

--_bd09f8f8-6c94-4bc5-add7-6df3c3801ce0_

10.07.064

Alice: If only we could find some sort of coyote who's trying to catch a Road Runner!

10.07.065

Austin : [To Lesley] Where is the real time machine?

10.07.066

Charlie: Indeed, where?! And no more of your silly pranks!

10.07.067

Lesley: This IS the time machine! Surely you can find a way to make it go fast?

10.07.068

Austin : Well, we could all push with one foot each. [Looks to see if the others are pushing with one foot] Come along now group, put some effort into it!

10.07.069

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjNjgNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFdlbGwsIHdlIGNvdWxkIGFsbCBwdXNoIHdp dGggb25lIGZvb3QgZWFjaC4gW0xvb2tzIHRvIHNlZSBpZiB0aGUgb3RoZXJzIGFyZSBwdXNoaW5n IHdpdGggb25lIGZvb3RdIENvbWUgYWxvbmcgbm93IGdyb3VwLCBwdXQgc29tZSBlZmZvcnQgaW50 byBpdCENCg0KRHVyOiBbSGVscGluZyBwdXNoXSBUb28gbXVjaCBvZiB0aGlzIGFuZCBteSBjYXBh Y2l0b3Igd2lsbCBiZSBpbiBmbHV4IQ0K

10.07.070

Charlie: [Joins in pushing] Well done, team! We shall have it going in no time!

10.07.071

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Red: [Holds the steering wheel and runs on the front tire like a treadmill] This is less comfortable than I imagined a time machine to be. Isn't there= a thyme machine or something that travels in time? --_28d95dfe-cc88-4c73-b73d-04e1a51592b0_

10.07.072

Alice: It's working! It's working!

[Crash! The time machine smashes into the wall.]

Alice: Did it work?

10.07.073

Clint: No. What we need is a hill. Are there any around here?

10.07.074

Lesley: Yes! The Very Steep Hill is quite close.

10.07.075

Charlie: Splendid! [To Clint] Carry the time machine to the hill, Mr. Scar! We shall let gravity do the work for us!

10.07.076

Clint: Hell, it's not like letting something else do the work for us isn't our normal m.o. anyway! [Picks up the trike of time.]

10.07.077

[CLINT pushes the door open. The shoppe is at the bottom of very, very steep hill.]

Alice: Yikes! Maybe we should just tie Stinky to the front??

10.07.078

Clint: [Looks up at the very steep hill with great distaste.] Well, at least it will get us going fast enough! [Starts climbing.]

10.07.079

[Almost immediately the party spot a bunch of HARMA officers, lead by none other than JOE NUNPAR. The party duck and hide behind the time machine.]

Alice: What are we going to do?

10.07.080

Charlie: We must keep moving to the top of the hill! Going through time will allow us to escape!

10.07.081

Alice: She's right -- these guys are idiots, they'll never spot us. Come on!

[Almost immediately, one of the HARMA officers spots the party.]

Officer: Hey! There they are!

10.07.082

Charlie: [Gasps] They've stepped up their hiring practices! [To the party] Hurry! Up the hill!

10.07.083

Alice: I don't know, Charlie! We have to get past them!

[The HARMA officers are heading towards the party.]

Alice: Let's dive into another shop!

10.07.084

Charlie: Curses! [Quickly heads into the nearest shop]


;;; Sorry, Conor! I thought there were behind us.

10.07.084

Austin : [Sighs, looks around for a quick get away, or a slope to go down] If only there was a unicorn shop!

10.07.084

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Alice: How about this pet shop? [Points to Pete's Pet Place]

--f46d0435c068ee210d05094f95d8

10.07.085

Austin : That will do I suppose [Heads to the pet shop]


;;; assuming Charlie is going there too?

10.07.087

Charlie: [Eagerly follows Austin in the pet shop, excited] How wonderful! Oh, I do hope they have kittens!

10.07.088

[The shop is crammed full of the most adorable kittens ever.]

10.07.089

Austin : Quickly, release the kittens between us and HARMA! [Starts releasing the kitten wall of protection]

10.07.090

Charlie: Good idea, Mr. Sleaze! Not even those heartless HARMA agents can resist adorable kittens! [Releases one kitten, cuddles it lovingly, and squeals] Oh, aren't you the sweetest little thing?!

10.07.091

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzkwDQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBHb29kIGlkZWEsIE1yLiBTbGVhemUh ICBOb3QgZXZlbiB0aG9zZSBoZWFydGxlc3MgSEFSTUEgYWdlbnRzIGNhbiByZXNpc3QgYWRvcmFi bGUga2l0dGVucyEgIFtSZWxlYXNlcyBvbmUga2l0dGVuLCBjdWRkbGVzIGl0IGxvdmluZ2x5LCBh bmQgc3F1ZWFsc10gT2gsIGFyZW4ndCB5b3UgdGhlIHN3ZWV0ZXN0IGxpdHRsZSB0aGluZz8hDQoN CkR1cjogSXQgd291bGQgYmUgYmV0dGVyIGlmIHRoZXkgd2VyZSBhIHNtYWxsIGFybXkgb2YgY3Vk ZGx5IFVuaWNvcm5zIGJ1dCBpdCB3aWxsIGhhdmUgdG8gZG8hDQo

10.07.092

Austin : [To Dur] Just don't try to eat them! [Looks for a back way out]

10.07.093

Last from Dom 92

Alice: Before you go too far with the kitten wall, look at all these cat leashes! I think I just had a brilliant idea!=

10.07.094

Charlie: If it involves getting kittens to wear leashes, I have news for you--they do NOT like wearing leashes!

10.07.095

Austin : I think that might be the brilliant idea! But do we have time?

10.07.096

Alice: Wow, Charlie! You're a genius! I was going to suggest something completely different -- but I'm not sure they have enough frogs.

10.07.097

Charlie: [Urgently] Well, whatever the plan, it must be executed quickly! Hurry, group! Harness these little darlings to the time machine!

10.07.098

Austin : [Does a double take at Charlie] Do you think they will be able to reach 8.8 mph? [Shrugs. Puts on some kitten protection gauntlets and starts harnessing kittens to the tricycle]

10.07.099

Alice: Don't be so ridic, Aus! They are adorable, they won't hurt a fly! [bends down to pick up one and is immediately savaged] Ow!

10.07.100

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Red: If we can channel that ferocity into speed than this should be easy! [exchanges a death stare with a killer kitty=2C which changes in a full blow= n staring contest including hisses from both sides.]

--_17ef1d27-2c2a-4ae1-b4ee-dcfa2ace4701_

10.07.101

Alice: I can't get the collar around the really weird looking one! [Points at Red's much-larger-than-cat's neck]

10.07.102

Clint: [Harnessing away madly] . We'll need that one on the time machine with us, Bimbo.

10.07.103

Alice: Ta-da! [Proudly shows that she has a leash securely fastened to the time machine]

[An interior door opens. Enter PETE PAYT, an irate looking man with a cat.]

Pete: Hey! What are you doing with my kitties?

10.07.104

Clint: [Nonchalantly.] We're hooking them up to this time machine before HARMA manages to get here and confiscate them all, obviously! [More threateningly.] You got a problem with that?

10.07.105

Charlie: [Reassuringly] Not to worry, we shall bring them back unharmed. We simply ADORE kittens, I assure you!

10.07.106

Charlie: [To Pete, urgently] We are trying to save them by taking them on a journey [dramatically] through time!

10.07.107

Pete: [Starts putting some leashes on the cats] My kitty cats are highly trained! This will make it easier to get them leashed up!=

10.07.108

Austin : [Putting on more leashes] Can you get them to pull us on the time machine once they are all leashed? We need to reach 8.8 mph to save the world!

10.07.109

Pete: Can I? Does a Kinkalow like strawberries?

10.07.110

Austin : Well, let's hope they do otherwise the world will end shortly [Smiles kindly at Pete]

10.07.111

Pete: Well, they do! They love those things! They'd eat them all the time if they had the chance! I could show you if you'd like!

10.07.112

Charlie: [Quickly] We have no time just now, but we shall be back to learn more!

10.07.113

Austin : Are we ready? [Looks at the kitten powered time-machine] All aboard!

10.07.114

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Red: [Still staring to the kitty=2C which is now wearing a collar. Both sitting on command.] Almost done here=2C I feel I almost won! [Sneezes and bli= nkes] Or.... I had to sneeze. [To the cat] You win this round=2C but I willbe back! [Hops on the trime machine.] 3B=3B=3B trike machine? not sure how to make it a witty name :p =

--_10b0028e-52bb-4612-a996-1942d9f8bcdc_

10.07.115

s] Or.... I had to sneeze. [To the cat] You win this round, but I will be back! [Hops on thetrime machine.]

Dur: [Frowning] Your failure to defeat a fluffy kitten does not bode well for our mission.

10.07.116

Alice: [Bleeding from several places] Yeah, beaten by a kitty! Pff!

10.07.117

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Red: This kitty was trained to purrrfection! Next time I'll bring a cat-apult. Let us continue on evading a cat-tastrophy=2C let's leave right meow! =

--_c8890f55-3aeb-4d47-a4bc-5a3f696ea05e_

10.07.118

Charlie: [Giggles] Oh, quite! If Joe Nunpar catches us, he will be in-FURR-iated! [Laughs hysterically at her own lame joke]

10.07.119

Alice: Oh! Oh! [Struggling to keep from laughing] And we've got some kit-tens! [Looks confused] Hm.

Pete: Let's go! I don't HARMA getting near here. The very thought of it is making kit-tens.

Alice: Hey! That was my joke!

Pete: Was it?

Alice: No...

[Exit the party through the back door.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!

10.08.001

[Book IX, Act X, Scene VIII. A Back Alley. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, RED and PETE are here, along with lots of cats and the time machine. The alleyway is barely nine kittens across.]

Alice: It's barely big enough to swing a cat in!

Pete: Why would you want to do that?

Alice: I don't know!

Pete: Do you swing cats?

Alice: Hardly ever!

10.08.002

Charlie: [To Pete] You brute! You are not fit to scoop their litter trays! [More pleasantly] Also, er, thank you for the loan of these little darlings!

10.08.004

Austin : Lets get this show on the road! [To Pete] Can you get them to tow us to 8.8 mph?

10.08.005

Pete: Hey! [Points at Alice] She's the one who's a cat swinger, not me!

Alice: Come on, that's not what I meant at all! I'm really more of a cat spinner than a spinner.

[PETE gasps in horror.]

Alice: Oh please! Who here hasn't spun the occasional cat!

10.08.006

Charlie: [To Pete] Oh, I do apologize! Given how deeply cats seem to hate Alice [nods to her savage scratch-marks] , I naturally assumed no cat would let her get close enough to swing--or spin!--it!

10.08.007

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Red: The little fur balls are quite the catversary=2C they should be safe. First=2C let's find out what the ratio is between equine en feline power. [= Jumps on the trick again and prepares to spur them once all are aboard (or when Red is a-bored). =

--_ddb0a7e5-fe02-41d0-b219-4f328c23cdfe_

10.08.008

Clint: I just hope we've got enough of these stupid kittens to get us going fast enough. [Stands with one foot on the trike so he can help push.]

10.08.009

[Everyone gets on the trike, including PETE.]

Pete: Fly, my pretties! Fly!

[The kittens, unfortunately, do not fly.]

10.08.010

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Red: [Sees the furballs not move a paw] Run kitties! [Adds dramatic effect=2C B-movie worthy] RUUUuuuuuuuUUUuun! 3B=3B=3B Think mister Cage with "Not the bees" kind of enthusiasms =

--_44c4df92-fb9f-4144-b587-cfa569bd4e26_

10.08.011

Charlie: [Joins Red enthusiastically] Hurry, little darlings! You shall have delicious treats afterward!

10.08.012

Austin : [Grabs a ball of catnip *if he can* and fastens it to a string on a stick to wave in front of the kittens to get them to tow the trike in the right direction ...] Quickly!

10.08.013

[The kittens start to snarl and charge after the trike.]

Alice: Hurray! It's going to work! What's the speed? [Looks at the speedometer which reads "4mph"]

10.08.014

Charlie: [Ponders] We must sweeten the incentive! [To Dur] Surely you have a fish or a hunk of raw meat somewhere in your knapsack?

10.08.015

Alice: That'll never work -- he'll never give it to them! Here, Aus, put this sparkly piece of thread on the line! [Hands some thread to Austin]

[The speed increases to 5mph]

10.08.016

Charlie: [Excited] It's working! Here, let us add this little bell, to excite their interest! [Ties a small jingle bell to the sparkly thread]

10.08.017

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzE2DQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbRXhjaXRlZF0gSXQncyB3b3JraW5n ISAgSGVyZSwgbGV0IHVzIGFkZCB0aGlzIGxpdHRsZSBiZWxsLCB0byBleGNpdGUgdGhlaXIgaW50 ZXJlc3QhICBbVGllcyBhIHNtYWxsIGppbmdsZSBiZWxsIHRvIHRoZSBzcGFya2x5IHRocmVhZF0N Cg0KRHVyOiBQZXJoYXBzIGZlYXIgaXMgYSBtb3JlIHBvd2VyZnVsIG1vdGl2YXRvcj8gSSBzYXkg dGhlcmUgdGlueSBmbHVmZnkgYmVhc3RzISBJIGhhdmUgYmVlbiBjb25zaWRlcmluZyBleHBhbmRp bmcgbXkgbWVkaWNhbCBleHBlcnRpc2UgdG8gaW5jbHVkZSB0aGUgdmV0ZXJpbmFyaWFuIGFydHMh IFBlcmhhcHMgc3VyZ2VyeSB0byBncmFmdCBvbiB0aGUgbGVncyBvbiBsYXJnZXIgY2F0cyB3aWxs IGhlbHAgeW91IHRvIHJ1biBmYXN0ZXIhDQo

10.08.018

Clint: Or maybe it's pain we need! Bimbo, I'm going to need a whip or a riding crop or something, and something tells me you have one handy...

10.08.019

[Between CHARLIE's bell and DUR's threatened surgery, the kittens increase their speed to a mind numbing 7.6mph.]

Alice: Great idea, Stinky! [Produces a whip and cracks it off Clint's rear] Mush!

[Bizarrely, the speed increases to 7.8mph.]

10.08.020

Austin : Perhaps we could be more streamlined! [Swiftly gels his hair back and ducks in behind Alice]

10.08.021

Alice: Don't be so ridic!

[7.9mph!]

Alice: Gah!

10.08.022

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10.08.023

Austin : [Spraying Dur with a very expensive 'eau de parfum'] That is a step too far Mr Dur! Try to loose some excess weight! [Throws his kitty gauntlets aside]

10.08.023

Charlie: [Relieved] Indeed, there is no need for flatulence! [To Alice] Quickly, throw your make-up and boy band magazines overboard!

10.08.024

TGFzdCBmcm9tIEhlYXRoZXIgIzIzDQoNCj5DaGFybGllOiBbUmVsaWV2ZWRdIEluZGVlZCwgdGhl cmUgaXMgbm8gbmVlZCBmb3IgZmxhdHVsZW5jZSEgIFtUbyBBbGljZV0gUXVpY2tseSwgdGhyb3cg eW91ciBtYWtlLXVwIGFuZCBib3kgYmFuZCBtYWdhemluZXMgb3ZlcmJvYXJkIQ0KDQpEdXI6IFdl bGwgaWYgeW91IHRob3VnaHQgdGhhdCB3YXMgdG9vIGZhciwgeW91J3JlIGdvaW5nIHRvIGxvdmUg dGhpcyEgW0Rpc3JvYmVzIGFuZCB0aHJvd3MgaGlzIGFjY2VzcyBjbG90aGluZyBvZmYgdGhlIHJp Z10NCg

10.08.025

Clint: Doc, I'm warning you, don't make me throw *you* overboard! [Casts about for extra weight.]

10.08.026

[The weight of DUR's clothes seem to have negligible impact on speed, but the fear instilled in the kittens by close proximity to a naked, flatulent DUR is substantial. 8.2mph.]

Alice: Almost there! And we didn't even have to ditch my hair care products!

10.08.027

Charlie: [To Alice, urgently] Well, [finger quotes] ditch them now! [To Austin] And you, Mr. Sleaze! Surely you can drop an overpriced beauty product or two, for the cause? Naturally, you cannot expect me to drop any of my irreplaceable notes or rare books, and I seriously doubt the others have any possessions to discard, being from the lower classes.

10.08.028

Alice: That's a great idea, Charlie! Let's get rid of some of smelly old books? How about the one about the dinosaur with an unusually large vocabulary?

10.08.028

Austin : On the contrary, I expect you to ditch all of your scribbles! They weigh far more than your brain! [With tears in his eyes, throws his 'eau de parfum', a silver plated nail file and a silk hair net over board] We must all make sacrifices, Sarge!

10.08.029

Charlie: [Wretched] But, but--how can one choose? [Looks at her books unhappily before gently placing a well-worn Compendium of Demonology on the ground, wailing] And I only have two more copies at home! [Brightens and gleefully tosses a thick book of poetry by Jordan, as well] Oh, how splendid! I must have picked up one of Pestilence's books by mistake!

10.08.030

Austin : [Giggles] A likely story! [Remembers something and blushes and deftly throws a book away] Don't need that awful scrawl!

10.08.031

Alice: [To Charlie] Hey! That was mine! [To the party] Well, that counts as something I threw away!

[The party spot a mean looking dog on the side of the street.]

10.08.032

TGFzdCBmcm9tIENvbm9yICMzMQ0KDQo+QWxpY2U6IFtUbyBDaGFybGllXSBIZXkhIFRoYXQgd2Fz IG1pbmUhIFtUbyB0aGUgcGFydHldIFdlbGwsIHRoYXQgY291bnRzIGFzIHNvbWV0aGluZyBJIHRo cmV3IGF3YXkhDQo+DQo+ICAgICAgW1RoZSBwYXJ0eSBzcG90IGEgbWVhbiBsb29raW5nIGRvZyBv biB0aGUgc2lkZSBvZiB0aGUgc3RyZWV0Ll0NCg0KRHVyOiBBaGEhIEkgc2F5LCBhIG5hdHVyYWwg cHJlZGF0b3Igb2YgZmx1ZmZ5IGtpdHRlbnMgbXVzdCBzdXJlbHkgbWFrZSB0aGVzZSBiZWFzdHMg b2YgYnVyZGVuIG1vdmUgdGhlaXIgYXJzZXMuIFtXaGlzdGxlcyB0byB0aGUgZG9nIGFuZCBkcm9w cyBiaXRzIG9mIHdoYXQgdXNlZCB0byBiZSBzYW5kd2ljaCBmb3IgaXQuXQ0K

10.08.033

Alice: Great idea, Dur! You're a genius!

[The dog races out, eats the bits of sandwich and immediately drops dead.]

10.08.034

Austin : [Deadpan] It takes one to know one! [Looks in horror at the dead dog] Remind me never to touch one of your sandwiches.

10.08.035

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjMzQNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFtEZWFkcGFuXSBJdCB0YWtlcyBvbmUgdG8g a25vdyBvbmUhIFtMb29rcyBpbiBob3Jyb3IgYXQgdGhlIGRlYWQgZG9nXSBSZW1pbmQgbWUgbmV2 ZXIgdG8gdG91Y2ggb25lIG9mIHlvdXIgc2FuZHdpY2hlcy4NCg0KRHVyOiBEb24ndCBiZSBhYnN1 cmQhIEFzIGlmIEkgd291bGQgZXZlciBhbGxvdyB0aGF0IHRvIGJlZ2luIHdpdGghIFtHcmVlZGls eSB0YWtlcyBhIGJpdGUgb2YgaGlzIGxlZnQtb3ZlcnNdDQo

10.08.036

Austin : Perhaps some lubrication will speed us up! [Applies some lubrication to the axles if he can]


;;;; I assume Aus carries some lube for his nocturnal activities? :)

;;;; for locks and door hinges! Filthy minded pervs!

10.08.037

[8.3mph!]

Alice: Look! That dog had some friends -- and they're not happy! [Several more dogs appear, tough looking dogs, wearing leather jackets and smoking cigarettes.]


;;; Yes, but what does he do once he's inside there? Filthy perv!

10.08.038

Charlie: [Calls to the dogs mockingly] That's right! We gang of cat-lovers poisoned your slobbering, malodorous friend! What do you plan to do about it?!

10.08.039

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Red: [looks at Charlie] Disappear? [Casts a spell] --_ae2e76ba-e19e-42c0-8f5b-7761600ecdc3_

10.08.040

[The dogs charge after the party just as a pool of grease appears beneath the trike, causing the dogs to slip 'n slide. The kittens, now panicked, pick up speed. 8.7mph and rising.]

Alice: Hurrah! We're going to make it! I knew my lucky breeze block would help us out!

10.08.042

Austin : [Shouting to be heard above the wind] Lucky breeze block? What lucky breeze block?


;;; awa hame

10.08.043

Alice: This one! [Holds it up]

[Alas, it slips off, just as RED starts to clamber over party members to get to the back of the trike.]

Alice: Oh no!

[Enter JOE NUNPAR, walking across the street. He spots dead, trapped like a deer in the headlights.]

Joe: Noooooo!

10.08.044

Charlie: [Urgently, to the kittens] Hurry, darlings! You shall have all the tuna you can eat if you just hurry!

10.08.045

Austin : Joe Nunpar is made of tuna?


;;;afk a lot today

10.08.046

Alice: I always knew there was something fishy about him!

[The kittens speed up -- 8.8mph!]

Joe: Nooooo!

10.08.047

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10.08.048

Austin : So long sucker! [Blows a raspberry at Joe]

10.08.049

Joe: Nooooooooo --

[Electricity crackles all over the trike and it and the party disappear, inches from JOE.]

Joe: -- oooooooooooo --

[Enter RAM HA.]

Ram: Colonel Nunpar! What are you doing?

Joe: -- oooooo. [Stops] Uh, nothing. Nothing at all.

Ram: Did you pee yourself?

Joe: A little.


;;;; End of Book IX, Act X. Next one coming up tomorrow!