04.01.001

[Book IX, Act IV, Scene I. A Reveal. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and JORDAN are here, each having appeared naked except for underwear, in mid-air. There has clearly been a Reveal here, and a huge sphere of the earth is gone, causing the party to fall twenty feet onto hard ground.]

Alice: Ow! What the hell happened? Where's the cave?

04.01.002

Charlie: [Pushing herself up off the ground and wincing] Perhaps we were transported to another spot? [Looks around for familiar landmarks]

04.01.003

Clint: Hopefully another spot where we can get some clothes! [Also looks around.]

04.01.004

Alice: How accurate are these time orbs? [Looks up] We probably need to get to the edge of the Reveal to see what's out there.

04.01.005

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Austin : [Sighs] I expect that we have lost the second part of the Prophecy.

--047d7b6d801819359404de5647be

04.01.006

Charlie: [Wails] NO! Where is the Manor?! [Looks around for signs of home]

04.01.007

[The party scramble up to the edge of the Reveal and see that the manor is still standing. They can see that there are some people walking around the grounds, but are far enough away to not be able to see who they are.]

Alice: [Points to part of the Reveal] Look at that! A Reveal in a Reveal?

[She's right. It looks like there's a second Reveal overlapping with this one.]

04.01.008

Clint: At least the manor is still there! Let's get a closer look at the people, though!

04.01.009

Jordan: So the prophecy is gone? Disappeared into a Reveal?

04.01.010

Charlie: [Spotting the manor, relieved] Finally, something my family has escaped unscathed!!

04.01.011

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Austin : [Looks around warily] You have heard of tempting fate, have you not?

--047d7bdca6a4aeb6da04de56c2ab

04.01.012

Clint: [Nods.] I hate to say this, Chuck, but I agree with the lawyer! C'mon, let's check out the house.

04.01.013

[The party approach the gates, and are soon approached by one of the people, all of whom are wearing long flowing robes. This is BRAWNY TALBOT.]

Brawny: Blessed be and blessed all.

Alice: Oh, Charlie! It's worse than they thought, there's churchin' going on this house!

04.01.014

Jordan: Hey toots, what's with all the fancy robe getup? What you doing at Chuckles house?

04.01.015

Brawny: I don't really understand much of what you have said, nor what a Chuckles house is, but you are welcome to the Birthplace of Serenity, the Origin of the Abyss.

04.01.016

Charlie: [Puzzled] Birthplace of Serenity? You mean that local horse that won the Apraxia Derby?

04.01.017

Brawny: Oh no, we Abyssinians would never celebrate something as sinful as gambling.

04.01.018

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Austin : [To Charlie] Oh dear, religious fanatics always make the very worst kind of squatters. I am happy to act on your behalf, for a small fee.

--047d7b6d8018a37b5204de6699fb

04.01.019

Jordan: [Rolling his eyes] Chuckles is her [points to Charlie] Charlie Parker-Kensington, and that is her home.

04.01.020

Brawny: [Lighting up] Really? Is this The Mother?

04.01.021

Charlie: [Uneasily] In the sense that I am The Mother of Wilhelmina, yes. Though, as it happens, three mothers live here. [Looks around for Helena and Gertrude] Did my mother and grandmother invite you to stay here?

04.01.022

Brawny: Oh happy day! I don't know about those people, but I was personally invited here by The Abyss.

04.01.023

Jordan: The Mother of who?


;;; Anyone else having flashbacks to the YTG's and them thinking Alice

was The Mother?

04.01.024

Alice: Hey! I thought I was The Mother!

Brawny: The Mother of The Abyss.


;;; Alice certainly is!!

04.01.025

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Austin : [Casually checking his nails] Well it is a pretty cool name, if a little geeky. I guess 'Wil' didn't really make the grade as a demon overlord name.

--001a11c35d8a37d7dc04de67f9b0

04.01.026

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TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjMjUNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFtDYXN1YWxseSBjaGVja2luZyBoaXMgbmFp bHNdIFdlbGwgaXQgaXMgYSBwcmV0dHkgY29vbCBuYW1lLCBpZiBhIGxpdHRsZSBnZWVreS4gSSBn dWVzcyAnV2lsJyBkaWRuJ3QgcmVhbGx5IG1ha2UgdGhlIGdyYWRlIGFzIGEgZGVtb24gb3Zlcmxv cmQgbmFtZS4NCkR1cjogW0Nyb3NzaW5nIGhpcyBhcm1zIGdydW1waWx5XSBXaHkgZG8gdGhlIGdp cmxzIGFsd2F5cyBnZXQgdG8gYmUgdGhlIGZvdW5kYXRpb25zIG9mIHN0cmFuZ2Ugb2NjdWx0IHJl bGlnaW9ucyE/IFdIRU7igJlTIElUIEdPTk5BIEJFIERVUuKAmVMgVFVSTiENCg0KDQo --_000_878FBCE00565194FB4E569C5F91B005948D4448F44USASELEWIMM01_

04.01.027

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Austin : [Shudders] Can someone please explain to the doctor why he cannot be a mother! [Looks disgusted at the thought]

--047d7b33dac8bf99a604de682ac2

04.01.028

Jordan: [To Dur] You smell too bad for anyone to want to touch you.

04.01.029

Dur: That's not what my wife said!

04.01.030

Charlie: [To Dur, patting his head] Of course she did! [To the others in a low voice] Do let him have his delusions. They are all he has!

04.01.031

Alice: Hey, any wedding that has less killing than mine has to be good. Although, [a little huffily] I *did* give each of you a present at mine.


;;; She's referring to the powers from Bonald she gave each

;;; party member (except Jordan)

Brawny: I don't understand your strange ways, but I welcome you nonetheless. Is she really the Mother of The Abyss?

04.01.032

Charlie: [To Brawny, haughtily] How could you welcome me to my own home?! If you have not received permission from my family to reside here, you should not be here. I must ask you to vacate immediately.

04.01.033

Brawny: You clearly do not have the Peace of The Abyss yet, so I take no offence at your harsh words. Perhaps you would like to discuss this with the Shepard?

Alice: Discus this? What's that? Some religious ceremony that involves getting down on our knees? Well, I can tell you, fool me eight times, shame on you, fool me nine, shame on me!

Brawny: [Smiles] No, I said "discuss".

Alice: Oh. Huh. Well, that makes much more sense.

04.01.034

Charlie: Indeed, bring us to this Shepherd at once!

04.01.033

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Austin : [Suprised] But surely you need more worshipers?

--047d7b15aee5ebc5af04de68d13a

04.01.035

Jordan: [Groans at Alice and Brawny] I need a drink. Or something stronger.


;;; That's me done for the day

04.01.036

Brawny: Of course you may have a drink. We have a very fine selection. We have water, and, [thinks hard] well, I guess that's all we have, but it's very refreshing. Now, if you'd just like to take off your clothes and put all your possessions into the basket over there, I can take you to the Shepard.

04.01.037

ery refreshing. Now, if you'd just like >to take off your clothes and put all your possessions into the basket over there, I can take you to the Shepa= rd.

Dur: [Already has his clothes off] Wait... why are we getting naked?


;;; Conor, how do we get a log in for the wiki?

04.01.038

Brawny: Because we chosen ones relinquish all our possessions.

Alice: All we have is underwear!


;;; Not true -- the only CLOTHES they have is underwear,

;;; but any equipment or weapons they had when they

;;; left is still with them


;;; I'll make one for you! I'll send it to you in a few

;;; minutes -- are you going to make some edits??

;;;

;;; Anyone who wants one is welcome, just send

;;; me a mail

04.01.039

Dur: Do we get our possessions back when we're done?


;;; Yeah! Dur's page looks sad and lonely! Much like Dur!

04.01.040

Charlie: [Annoyed] Such as my manor?!

04.01.041

Brawny: [Smiles serenely] I'm sure your manner will improve, and no, once you become an Abyssinian, you will have no use for material objects.


;;; Cool -- you're more than welcome to add to it, as is

;;; everyone to their characters. It's been on the to do list

;;; for a LOOOONG time!

04.01.042

Dur: But I love my material objects!


;;; Well, I'm very vain so I figured I would start adding to my page. Dur needs some character development but I've been playing so long I can barely =

remember everything that has=20

;;; happened ^^;

04.01.043

Clint: [In an insufferably "gotcha" tone of voice.] But water's a material object, isn't it?

04.01.044

Brawny: I don't know about that, you'd have to ask the Shepard.

04.01.045

Charlie: [Disapprovingly] Why, does he do your thinking for you?! [Claps her hands] Now, then! Take us to see him.

04.01.046

Brawny: I don't know, I'd have to ask him. [Points to the basket] But the sacred basket -- you need to put everything in there, especially the gold.

[The party can see that a man wearing similar robes to BRAWNY is approaching.]

04.01.047

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Austin : [Points to the man] Who is that?

--bcaec520f1cdd575b804de6a4743

04.01.048

Clint: Probably the guy who takes our material possessions from us, for the good of our souls, or something like that.

04.01.049

Brawny: That's right! He's the Shepard.

[Enter SINCLAIR REEVES, who gives the party a quick smile.]

Sinclair: Blessed be, and blessed be all amongst us. How may I be of service?

Alice: [Whispers to the party] Oh, god, he's an old boyfriend of mine. Awk-ward!


;;; Most of the party met Sinclair and Bruni and Darius'

;;; wedding, and an awkward situation developed when both

;;; Austin and Alice said that Sinclair was an ex of theirs.

;;; Sinclair confirmed this, although he clearly didn't remember

;;; Alice, but did manage to come up with Austin's name.

04.01.050

Clint: Well, for one thing, you could tell us what you people are doing in Chuck's house?

04.01.051

Sinclair: Ah, you must be new to the Abyss. This is now a sacred place, the birthplace of the Abyss. [Smiles at the party] And, of course, I know who you are. Everyone believed that you were dead, what with you being gone for so long.

04.01.052

you are. Everyone believed that you >were dead, what with you being gone for so long.

Dur: Your face is about to become the sacred birthplace for my fist if you don't start making some sense soon pal! How long have we been gone?=20

04.01.053

Brawny: Please don't be aggressive with the Shepard!

Sinclair: [Holds a hand up to Brawny] That's okay, my child, he is just confused. I don't know how long you've been gone, but from what Gertrude and Helena said, I'm thinking three months or so.

04.01.054

Jordan: Three months? Feels like only a few hours! A day at the most! [Shaking his head] So, before we can come in, we have to take off our underwear and be totally naked? Just with out underwear being out only possessions right now.

04.01.055

Charlie: [To Sinclair, relieved] Oh, then you DO know my grandmother and mother! And they are safe? [Skeptically] And living with all of you in the Manor?

04.01.056

Sinclair: Of course, of course they're safe. However, they chose not to share in our peace. Why don't you come inside? [To Brawny] We can make an exception for The Mother, I'm sure.

Brawny: But Shepard, what about rule #4?

Sinclair: [Calmly, but firmly] What about rule #37?

Brawny: [Drops her head] I'm sorry. I'll fetch the cane.

Sinclair: [To the party] Come on, we can talk inside. [Starts to walk towards the manor]


;;; Although just in their underwear, remember, as in #04.01.038, the

party do have

;;; any items that they had with them before jumping back in time.

04.01.057

Charlie: [Follows Sinclair] Indeed, and I should like to know where my family is now staying, as soon as possible.

04.01.058

Sinclair: Of course, of course, but I'm sure you'll understand, we'll need to establish that you really are The Mother.

04.01.059

Jordan: [Irritably] Look Shepard, stop fannying about and take us to Charlies family, immediately.

04.01.060

Sinclair: [Gives Jordan a smirk] No. I will take you to the Seer, she will identify if The Mother is truly amongst us.

Alice: So, what happens to all the material possessions people give up?

Sinclair: It costs a lot of money to run an operation like this. You know, bread and water isn't cheap.

04.01.061

Charlie: I see. And what is the aim of your organization?

04.01.062

Jordan: [Scoffing] To be as perverted as possible of course, by telling people to get naked before they can join them,

04.01.063

Dur: In that case, are we sure Alice isn't the Mother! [Guffaws] Am I right?!


;;; Conor did you see my last e-mail last night about the wiki?

04.01.064

Alice: [Laughs] Yeah! [Thinks for a moment and slowly stops laughing] Hey! What's that supposed to mean?


;;; Yep, I think I know what's wrong, I'll try to get to it this morning

04.01.064

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Austin : She was 'The Mother', just a different one. I expect that there are many millions of mothers around. [Frowns at the basket] Whilst I enjoy the freedom and natural feeling of nudity, I choose to keep my belongings and abstain from this ephemeral cult. [Takes his pants off, but keeps them]

--047d7bdca6a4cea73d04de7cab2a

04.01.065

Charlie: [Nods at Austin's words] Quite sensible! [To Sinclair] I do not see why I should need to prove my maternity to you, given that you have rudely displaced my family from their home.

04.01.065


;;; Pants to Dom are underpants -- right? Apologies if I'm wrong!

Sinclair: [Looks Austin up and down] Mm-mm! [Leads the party to the house] This will take just a moment.

04.01.066

Sinclair: I didn't displace them, The Abyss did. I'm just a humble advisor.

04.01.067

Dur: Advisor to whom?

04.01.068

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Austin : [To Sinclair] Tart.

--047d7b33dac8a1443f04de7cdd8c

04.01.069

Sinclair: [To Austin] Creampie. [To Dur] Why, to the Abyss, of course.

04.01.070

Dur: Soooo..... The abyss is a person?

04.01.071

Jordan: [To Dur] Stay out of my head jackass? [To Sinclair] Man or woman? I'm guessing since you are The Shepard, that makes The Abyss actually The Farmer?

04.01.072

Sinclair: The Abyss is the person you knew as Wilhelmina.

04.01.073

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Austin : [Smugly] My brilliance is only out shone by my beauty.

--bcaec520f1cdc55c4404de7d38fb

04.01.074

Jordan: [Increasingly irritated] Who in the realms is Wilhel-whatever? Never heard of them.


;;; She's only ever been called Wil around Jordan that I remember

04.01.074

Charlie: [To Sinclair, aghast] MY Wilhelmina? What a dreadful thing to say! She is a perfectly normal half-demon teenager, [delicately] albeit a bit troubled recently. She is hardly the equivalent of a gaping cavern of nothingness!!

04.01.075

Clint: Maybe it's one of those teenage acting out in rebellion by starting a cult phases?

04.01.076

Alice: [To Jordan] Wilhelmina is Will, Charlie's daughter. She's a *fairly* normal half-demon teenager.

Sinclair: [To Charlie] You surprise me. If you really are her mother, you would be proud of her ascension.

04.01.077

Charlie: What do you mean, ascension?! What significance does Will have to you and your followers?

04.01.078

Jordan: [Scoffing while rolling his eyes] Thought that would have been obvious Charles! They like to kiss her ass and brown nose to her, and then when it's all said and done they will sacrifice her earthly body to some other deity and eat her flesh. I thought you were meant to be an expert demonologist?

04.01.079

n it's all said and done they will >sacrifice her earthly body to some other deity and eat her flesh. I thought you were meant to be an expert demonol= ogist?

Dur: Could we speak to the abyss?

04.01.080

Clint: [Under his breath.] We might have to tell her that she's grounded, for example.

04.01.081

Charlie: Indeed, I would like to see my daughter. She has been behaving very badly of late.

04.01.082

Dur: Oooooooo! Someone's in TROUBLE!

04.01.083

Jordan: [Twitching, speaking through gritted teeth] Yeah, you, if you don't stop stating the bloody obvious!

04.01.084

Sinclair: [Leading the party into the house] Oh, The Abyss isn't here. And, as for her significance, why, I would have thought it obvious, if you really are her mother. She's going to become a God.

04.01.085

Jordan: Going to be? What's the hold up? She not been able to figure out which cloud or mountain she wants to sit on as a throne yet?

04.01.086

Clint: Can you tell us where Wil went, so we can... uh... talk to god?

04.01.085

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Austin : Nice work if you can get it. [Casually checks his nails] What kind of god? A rock god? A fashion god?

--001a11330f1463e95f04de7e6dd8

04.01.086

Sinclair: [Smiles] You would do well to not mock The Abyss. [Pushes open a door] The Seer awaits. She will tell if one of you really is The Mother.

Alice: Yeah? And what are her qualifications?

Sinclair: Three years telling fortunes with BT Parnum's Travelling Circus.

Alice: Cool! I love these guys!

04.01.087

Charlie: [With a sniff] I can assure you that--after nearly 24 hours of labor--I am most certainly her mother. Additionally, she has the Parker-Kensington forehead. [Warily] And what makes you think she is a god?

04.01.088

Clint: Blind fanaticism?

04.01.089

Sinclair: Oh no, something *way* more convincing than that. An ancient book, written many years ago, and translated and retranslated many times over.

04.01.090

Jordan: [Skeptically] Which book exactly?

04.01.091

Sinclair: The Abyss.

04.01.092

Jordan: So what you are saying is, this book, that has been translated and restranslated only the realms knows how many times, is supposedly about and named after Willhelmina? A book of prophecy?

04.01.093

Sinclair: [Gives Jordan a quick smile] Five thousand cult members can't be wrong.

04.01.094

Charlie: [Sharply] Oh, I can assure you any number of people can be wrong, particularly when it comes the interpretation of ancient writings! And, as the child's MOTHER, I can assure you that Will is a flesh-and-blood half-demon, not a divine being!

04.01.094

Jordan: [Smirking] They can if they are all following the same book and the book happens to be wrong, dumbass.


;;; Out for a few hours, maybe rest of the day.

04.01.095

Sinclair: I'm sure we could be, and that would certainly make me feel foolish. However, you should go speak to the Seer. [Another smile] I need to administer a severe spanking to Brawny and then do the accounts. [Gestures to the door in front of them]

04.01.096

minister a severe spanking to >Brawny and then do the accounts. [Gestures to the door in front of them]

Dur: Sure thing! Before we go though, can you tell us where this "book" wasfound?

04.01.097

Sinclair: Of course. It was liberated from HARMA in Queens View a few months ago. [Opens the door and calls in] Seer, we have some people for a reading. [To the party] Please go in.

04.01.098

ng. [To the party] Please go in.

Dur: [Aside to the party] I wonder where HARMA found it and if it has anything to do with the half of the prophecy we lost. [Turns to enter the room]

04.01.098

Charlie: [Excited] Oh! Could we see that book? We should like to study it very much.

04.01.099

Dur: No! YOU would like to study it very much. YOU! [Shakes his head] =20

04.01.100

Alice: Hold on sec, Dur, let's not be hasty. [To Sinclair] Are there many pictures in this book?

Sinclair: No.

Alice: [To Charlie] You're the one who wants to study it, you! Not us!

Sinclair: I believe that they were originally discovered by a Prof. Hilliard-Montgomery-Carthington II. He donated them to HARMA.

Alice: Hey! That's Deucie! And he didn't donate them! They were stolen, by Austin's girlfriend!

04.01.101

Charlie: [Nods] Indeed, I am surprised HARMA would let go of them!

04.01.102

Jordan: [Annoyed] Don't you people listen? He said they were liberated, therefore they were stolen back from HARMA! [Sounding exasperated] Look, let's just go and see this Seer person and get to the bottom of everything already.


;;; Would Jordan have met Deucie since he was a Prof?

04.01.103

Alice: Yeesh, Jordie! I think someone got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning. [Pause] And by someone, I mean you. [Pause] And by this morning I mean whatever morning you last got up. [Pause] And by wrong side I mean you're not exactly exhibiting a sunny disposish. [Pause] What the hell is wrong with you, anyway?


;;; Yes, but only briefly. He would know that Deuce was once the

National Chief of

;;; Science and Stuff for HARMA, but was fired some months beforehand.

04.01.104

Clint: We can worry about attitude problems some other time, Bimbo! We've got a book of prophecy to not read! C'mon, guys, let's get this over and then get as far away from these freaks as we can.

04.01.105

Jordan: [Annoyed] Wrong with me? [More annoyed] Wrong with me? [Starts to hold the bottom of his back] There is nothing wrong with me! [To Clint] Ah, finally, someone who talks sense!


;;; Cool. Thanks Conor

04.01.106

Alice: If you think Clint talks sense, then there's definitely something wrong with you!

[Exit ALL into the room.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming up!

04.02.001

[Book IX, Act IV, Scene II. The Seer's Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and JORDAN enter a darkened room, filled with all sorts of New Age nonsense, reeking of various incenses and with deafening noises of whale sounds being piped in from somewhere. A mysterious female voice drifts from the darkness.]

Voice: [Barely audible over the sound of all the miniature waterfalls and fountains that pack the room] Who wants the Seer?

Alice: Seer? I can barely hear her!

04.02.002

Clint: Shouldn't the Seer know that already?

04.02.003


;;; Heather's out

Charlie: This is all clearly flim flammery and nonsense!

04.02.004

Jordan: [Exasperated] I don't have time for this shit! [Storms out of the room]

04.02.005

[The door slams behind him, and an awkward moment passes.]

Alice: Er, let's see her.

[The party advance slightly and see MOLLY MUNTER, a hippyish looking woman with long white hair, who slowly sways from side to side, sitting cross legged.]

Molly: [Intoning] Tell me what you wish.

Alice: I'm kinda wishing you didn't wear a skirt.

04.02.006

Clint: And does the word "Bacek" mean anything to you?

04.02.007

Dur: And is she [points to Charlie] The Mother? We actually have quite a few questions, this could take a while!

04.02.008

Molly: Step closer that I may fully see th- woah! What the hell? The Mother is definitely here! [Looks terrified]

04.02.009

Charlie: [Exasperated] Of course I am The Mother! I told you people I was in labor for nearly 24 hours!! Now, WHERE is my daughter?!

04.02.010

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Austin : Yes, take us to her swiftly, we do not tolerate delays! [Casually checks his nails]

--047d7bdca6a4f535df04decc4c71

04.02.010

Dur: Does the Seer seem scared by that to anyone else? What does all this mean?

04.02.011

[MOLLY jumps up and back from the party.]

Molly: What is this? I'm sorry! I swear! I didn't know any of this was real!

04.02.012

Dur: Soooo.... you ARE a charlatan?

04.02.013

Molly: Yes! Yes! I'm sorry! Whatever you're doing, make it stop!

[The sky grows dark and there is a huge clap of thunder.]

04.02.014

Jordan: [Comes charging in, all jolly and hyper] Wow! That Shephard guy is really spanking Brawny hard if he can make it sound like thunder! [Busts out in fits of laughter]

04.02.015

Charlie: [Puzzled] WE aren't doing that! [To the others, unsure] Are we?

04.02.016

Dur: It certainly isn't me!

04.02.017

Alice: [Does a double take on Jordan] It isn't me, and I don't think it's a spanking sound. Not fleshy enough.

Molly: [Opens a window and climbs out, even though they're on the third floor] I'm sorry! Please! Make it stop! [Starts bleeding from her ear]

04.02.018

Charlie: [Tries to grab Molly] Wait! That fall could kill you! What's happening to you?

04.02.019

Molly: Nooo! I'm sorry! [Leaps out and lands head first onto the huge flagstone below]

Alice: [Turning away] Ew! [Peeks out again] What's going on? Look at the sky! Look at the cultists!

[The sky has turned almost black, and the cult members are racing back towards the house. The thunder is getting louder and cracks of lightning flash through the sky.]

04.02.020

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Austin : I think it might be time for Mummy to have that little talk with Wil. [Looks alarmed at the events]

--047d7b6d7e98fa60f004decdf2ab

04.02.021

Alice: What about having a little talk with those guys? [Points at the horde of men in black hoods, charging towards the manor on horseback, killing any cultist who tries to get in their way or to wish them Blessed Be.]

04.02.022

Jordan: [To Alice, a bit flirty] Perhaps you can help me find out the difference in sound later then. [At the sky] Wow, so pretty. I don't think I've seen anything quite so beautiful before.

04.02.023

Alice: Look, Jordan, this hardly the time for -- uh, [gets girlishly flirty herself] I suppose, I might, if you [ducks as a huge rock is thrown through the window and almost hits her] What the hell?

04.02.024

Charlie: Get away from the windows! [Tries to go outside to investigate]

04.02.025

[The party creep into the hallway, where SINCLAIR appears, cane in hand.]

Sinclair: What's going on?

04.02.026

Jordan: [All cheery] Oh not much, just loud thunder, beautifully dark skies, bad-ass cultists killing your loving cultists. They're storming us right now actually. Though their aim could do with some improvements, they can't hit a non-moving target to save their faith [busts out laughing]

04.02.027

[A stray arrow flies through the window and strikes JORDAN in the shoulder, knocking him to the ground.]

Alice: Jordan!

Sinclair: I see.

04.02.028

Jordan: [Pain in his face but laughing non-the-less] Well, at least it wasn't my knee!

04.02.027

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Austin : [To Jordan] Well I am glad you are having such a great time, but people are dieing, and we appear to be next in line, [To all] shall we get out of here?

--001a11c35d8a24cb1904deceff34

04.02.029

Dur: [To the rest of the group] Is he acting stranger than usual?

04.02.030

Alice: A lot! Grab him and pull him back from the window!

04.02.031

Jordan: [Starts to crawl away from the window with one hand on his knees] Okay, it really hurts. We should really consider wearing armour instead of clothes or just our underwear in future.

04.02.032

Sinclair: Who are they? [To the party] Did you bring them here?

04.02.033

Charlie: We don't know! We came alone. [Readies her sword] Let us meet our attackers!

04.02.034

Sinclair: Are you crazy? There are too many of them!

04.02.035

Dur: I agree with the whack job! Maybe we can set a trap for one of them sowe can get some answers before we get the heck outta here?

04.02.036

Clint: As long as our trap doesn't involve us getting hit by arrows, I'm all for it!


;;; Sorry all. Had a middle of the night smoke detector emergency.

04.02.037

Sinclair: I hope that "us" doesn't include me.

04.02.038

Clint: [Gives Sinclair a dirty look.] That's right. Run away. We'll take care of this!

04.02.039

Jordan: [To Shephard] You mean you want to be hit by an arrow? Damn boy! Are you crazy?

04.02.040

Charlie: [To Sinclair] Fairly quick to abandon your people, are you not?! We must try to evacuate them at once.

04.02.041

Sinclair: Best of luck with that. I shall wait here. [Climbs into a closet under the stairs]

Alice: Where can we evacuate them to? They won't all fit under the stairs, will they?

04.02.042

Dur: Maybe we can cause a distraction to allow them to escape?

04.02.043

Charlie: Good thought, but we need an escape plan, too! [Excited] Oh, let us go to the Manor's sanctuary! We can shelter safely there, once we have distracted our attackers!

04.02.044


;;; Drew's out

Jordan: How will we distract them?

[There is a sudden huge flash of green light coming from inside the stairs closet where SINCLAIR went.]

Alice: Maybe like that? Except, you know, not under the stairs?

04.02.045

Dur: What's going on in there?=20

04.02.046

Alice: Something crazy with Brawny, no doubt!

[Enter BRAWNY, from a different door.]

Brawny: Where's the Shepard?

04.02.047

Charlie: Hiding under the stairs! Perhaps you should join him?

04.02.048

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Austin : [Frowns] That green flash may have been Sinclair using an orb? [To Brawny] Perhaps you should stick with us!

--001a11c35d8a65277a04dee1b68d

04.02.049

Brawny: Oh ye of little faith. The Shepard would never abandon his flock. [Opens the closet door] Hey! Where is he?

04.02.050

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Austin : He is nothing but a charlatan and a trickster that used your faith to control you! Now, come with me and I shall protect you! [Readies his sling]

--047d7bdca6a461588904dee1db38

04.02.050

Clint: I think he's abandoned his flock. Now go and get your fellow freaks out of here without him!

04.02.051

Brawny: Oh, thank you so much! But where can we go? Those people are coming in every direction? Where is this sanctuary that you speak of?


;;; The sanctuary is where the party sheltered from Nanna Willa in

;;; Book VII, Act VII, and is within easy reach of where they are now

04.02.052

Jordan: Yes Chuckles, where is the sanctuary? Probably best if we run now, wouldn't you agree? [Tries to pull the arrow from his shoulder] Anyone know any healing spells? I'd do it myself but a bit awkward with the wound being in my shoulder.

04.02.052

Charlie: [Dramatically] Follow me! [Heads for the sanctuary]

04.02.053

[The party follow CHARLIE to the sanctuary, which is just like an ordinary room. BRAWNY follows, telling several other cultists to follow them.]

Alice: [Looking around the room, which is quite luxurious and which has a surprisingly well packed drinks cabinet] Huh! Looks like this place is ready for the long haul, eh?

04.02.054

Clint: Not bad, Sarge, not bad! I'll just find something for that shoulder. Yeah, that's it. [Heads for the drinks cabinet.]

04.02.055

Charlie: [Beaming] Yes, Pestilence thinks of everything, doesn't he? There should be a shelf filled with board games as well! [Excited] Oh, perhaps a game of charades?!

04.02.056

Alice: I've got one! [Pretends to throw up] I'm pretending like I'm being sick!

04.02.057

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Austin : It's more fun if you let other people guess. [Casually checks his nails]

--001a11c35d8a1cd81c04dee2d96b

04.02.057

Clint: [Brandishing a bottle of whiskey.] Are we really going to hide in here while all those guys outside do who knows what to the place?

04.02.058

Jordan: Oh if only Harvey was here. I bet the Colonel would have a brilliant and cunning plan for just this sort of situation.

04.02.059

Alice: Hey look! There are sandwiches!

[The sanctuary is soon full of white robed cult members, all of who area clearly terrified. Some of those in the black cloaks appear at the door, but seem to understand that this is a sanctuary, and hold their position.]

Alice: [Eating a sandwich as she calls to one of them] Hey! What's going on? [No answer]

04.02.060

Charlie: [To the black cloaks] Why do you attack us? We have done nothing to you!

04.02.061

Clint: Well, technically, they haven't done much to us yet either!

04.02.062

Jordan: Excuse me? Have you forgotten already that they shot me in the shoulder with an arrow? [Holds up the blood smeared arrow]

04.02.063

Brawny: They've killed dozens of members of our flock! If we weren't safe in here, they would kill us too!

[The hooded men remain dead quiet, and the party can hear footsteps approaching, getting increasingly loud.]

04.02.064

Charlie: [To the hooded men] We have loads of food in here, you know! You won't be able to wait us out!

04.02.063

Clint: No. Like I said, haven't done *much*.

04.02.065

[Another figure approaches, again wearing a black hood, but their hood is more ornate than the others. They all to look at that figure, clearly waiting for a signal.]

04.02.066

Charlie: [To the ornately hooded figure, warily] One assumes you are in charge? What do you want from us?!

04.02.067

[In one swift and dramatic movement, the figure sweeps back their cloak and produces a lit torch. It is WILHELMINA, looking slightly older than when the party last saw her.]

Wilhelmina: Hello, Mother. [Throws the torch into the sanctuary and turns away, calling to the hooded figures] Burn the place to the ground. Kill them all.

<P><a href=http://queens-view.com/wiki/index.php/Wilhelmina_Parker-Kensington-Sotot>Wilhelmina</A>


;;; End of scene, and there we will pause until Thursday next week (20th June)

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hello! http://ctcplaza.com/rnokyxb/qke/vsd/cpgx.html Rachel Greystone

---895799069-2140951696-1371441966=:25621

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--

,,I have a proposal of mutual benefit for you.

------=_Part_865855_154821594.1371633373786

04.02.068

Alice: Hah! Shows what she knows! The sanctuary will protect us from the fire, right? [Looks around at the others] Right?


;;; Almost certainly not!

04.02.069

Dur: [To Charlie] How did you never teach her not to play with fire?!

04.02.070

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Charlie: [Defensively] Of course I did! [Hesitates] Though Pestilence DID teach her how to eat fire as well, which rather undercut the lesson. [To Will, scolding] You should be helping us, NOT trying to kill us, dear. Remember the rules?!

--20cf307cfc40b20a7804df880fc1

04.02.071

Clint: Yeah, doc. Now's not really the time to point out to Charlie that she's an awful mother!

04.02.072

Jordan: Sorry Alice, but if they are simply burning the room with us in it, it is then second hand damage, or collateral damage. It only protects us if they are trying to hurt us directly I'm afraid. [Pulls out his lute and casts Flare in front of Will's minions]

04.02.073

Alice: No! Don't a sp!

Minion: What's a sp?

Alice: I was going to say spell, but I thought I wouldn't have enough time, so figured I'd just say sp instead, as it is shorter.

Minion: Although with all this explanation, you probably had plenty of time.

Alice: True, and it would have been better used if I had explained to Jordie that casting any spell from the Sanctuary would probably make it affect him, and not you guys.

Minion: Yeah, it's a bit of a waste of ti.

[There's a flash of light concentrated on JORDAN, that almost knocks him over, and certainly dazzles him. The minions dash off, and WILHELMINA is gone.]

Brawny: What will we do? The Abyss has abandoned us! The house is starting to collapse! The fire is getting closer! [Rubs her ass] And The Shepard promised me three more!

04.02.074

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Austin : [Swiftly tries to spank Brawny 3 times. To the others] Dowse the flame!

--047d7bf18644acd1e404df920abb

04.02.075

Brawny: [Shocked at Austin's inappropriate behaviour] Please! He was caning me, not spanking me. [Folds her arms huffily]

[Everyone, including the Abyssinians sheltering in the Sanctuary, tries to dowse the flames, but they are getting worse.]

Abyssinian: We're all gonna die! O Blessed One, why have you abandoned your loyal followers?

04.02.076

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Austin : [To Brawny, still trying to spank her] And do you have a cane? Well, then this will have to do!

--047d7b33d4a8cdf42404df92337a

04.02.077

Brawny: It wasn't a cane, it was his Holy Curing Stick!

04.02.078

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Austin : [Stops to wipe his brow with a handkerchief] Well, I was just trying to help! [Looks for another exit, trapdoors etc] Is there any safe way out of here?

--047d7b6781b0393a5004df92d627

04.02.079


;;; Heather's afk

Charlie: No! This room was designed as a hiding place from Nanna Willa -- not for a full assault like this.

Brawny: It must be a test! Perhaps we should all pray to The Abyss for her protection?

04.02.080

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Charlie: [To Brawny] Yes, you do that, and the rest of us will do something constructive! [To the party] Perhaps we had better make a run for it? Does anyone see a path forward?

--001a11c25004db7a8904df934910

04.02.081

Alice: Nothing!

[The ceiling begins to collapse, but it suddenly looks as though there is an invisible barrier overhead, and the party and those closest to them are protected, from the rubble and from the heat.]

04.02.082

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Charlie: [Looks up, surprised] What?! [Hopefully] Perhaps Pestilence made an upgrade to the sanctuary during renovations! This isn't the Manor's first fire, after all!


;;; Gone for the next hour or so!

--20cf307f3920fe761104df9380e8

04.02.083

Alice: It looks like it'll be the last, though!

[The entire manor is ablaze, and seems to be burning unnaturally quickly.]

04.02.084

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Alice: It looks like it'll be the last, though!

[The entire manor is ablaze, and seems to be burning unnaturally quickly.]

Charlie: [Wails] Why does this keep happening to us?! And what on earth has happened to poor Will to make her so angry?

--089e013cbb3638e79104df955e29

04.02.085

Dur: Ahhh, teenager angst [he says wistfully] .

04.02.086

Alice: Teenage angst is wearing black nail varnish and pretending you love some Emo called Hyperion. This is way worse than that!

[The manor is now reduced to a smouldering mess.]

Alice: What the hell just happened? And, [looks behind her] does my ass look big in this?

[She's right, it does look noticeably bigger. Not colossal, but considerably more round than before, particularly given that everyone is wearing just their underwear.]

04.02.087

ring just their underwear.]

Dur: Sheesh, what is it with you and parts of your body growing! Is it somekind of early warning system?

04.02.088

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Charlie: [Gasps] Perhaps you are pregnant! One's body goes through extraordinary changes, and quite rapidly!

--089e012942aaa80cbb04df9671e3

04.02.089

Alice: [Points to her stomach] Isn't this the part that's supposed to grow? [To Dur] Maybe it is an early warning system, but for what? What?

Brawny: Oh happy day! We have been spared by The Abyss!

04.02.090

Dur: Don't ask me, it's your body! [Looks at Brawny] Maybe it's a spanking alarm.=20

04.02.091

Brawny: It is a sign that we are the chosen ones! [Walks out across the smouldering ash] See how we are protected? And look! The Abyss returns! [Points to the distance, where Wilhelmina is clearly riding back towards the party, accompanied by dozens of her minions]

04.02.092

ts to the distance, where Wilhelmina is clearly >riding back towards the party, accompanied by dozens of her minions]

Dur: [Clearly panicking, arms flailing] Perhaps NOW is the time for our patented brisk retreat?!

04.02.093

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Austin : The sanctuary has been pretty good so far, where else can we retreat to?

--047d7b33d4a8b5fcc004df96f0d5

04.02.094

Alice: Good point -- although, maybe someone might need to pee soon? [Thinks] Oh God, I think I might need to pee!

[The charge continues for a moment, but abruptly stops, as WILHELMINA pulls up her horse, and clutches at her head. There is a quick exchange between her the others, and they turn and race off.]

Alice: What just happened?

04.02.094

Clint: Say, we don't have another of those orbs handy, do we?

04.02.095

Alice: I don't think we need them!

04.02.096

Dur: [Calming the further Wil gets away from the group] Add another mysteryto the pile. Why is Charlie's daughter acting like that? And what do we ha= ve to do to start getting some answers around here?

04.02.097

Clint: [To Charlie.] Is there some way of talking sense into your kid? Some family member, say, who acted like a parent while you were off saving the world with us?

04.02.098


;;; Heather's out for a bit

Charlie: Perhaps Mother or Grandmother could shed some light on the matter, but I'm not sure where they might be. There is certainly something very disturbing going on -- and I'm not just referring to the poor fit of Alice's underwear.

04.02.099

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Austin : It looked like the poor girl had the most awful migraine. [Has a good look at Alice's underwear] I see what you mean.

--047d7bdc17046ab2de04df97a9cb

04.02.100

Alice: [Starts rooting through her bag to get some clothes] Hey! How come I'm the only one changing? And why did Will get the migrane? Did someone cast a spell?

04.02.101

Clint: All good questions, Bimbo. Let's add them to the list! [Pauses.] Could Jerry be behind this somehow?

04.02.102

Alice: He could, but why? Although, whatever stopped the fire saved our lives, didn't it?

04.02.103

Dur; Sure did! But I didn't cast it! [Dur tries to cast DETECT MAGIC to seeif he can discern any useful information]

04.02.104

[The whole smoking ruin glows; there has clearly been a lot of magic cast here recently.]

Alice: So what now? We need someone to tell us what's been going on for the last few months, but who? [Looks at Dur] Him? Hardly!

04.02.105

Dur: Well something went on here! [Turns to Brawny] When did your order start living at the house? And where did her previous occupants go?

04.02.106

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the last few months, but who? [Looks at Dur] Him? Hardly!

start >living at the house? And where did her previous occupants go?

Charlie: And what have you done to my daughter to make her behave so aggressively toward me?!

--089e0112c63a31ae9604df987be7

04.02.107

Brawny: She spared us! You are The Mother -- and we are the Chosen Ones! [Smiles happily at Dur] We have been here for about a month. I believe the previous occupants went to Apraxia.

04.02.108

revious occupants went to Apraxia.

Dur: [To Charlie] Maybe we'll find the rest of your family in Apraxia then?At least they should be able to fill us in on what the hell is going on ar= ound here...

04.02.108

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Charlie: [Irritably] Of course I am her mother! And I do not think she spared us, rather some excellent planning by her father did. [To the party] Let us go and find Mother and Grandmother at once!

--001a11c2cdfecd2ddf04df98a0da

04.02.109

Clint: [Nods.] Let's go! And let this be a lesson to all of us about having demon children!

04.02.110

Dur: Surely if my wife and I ever parent a child, we will take Charlie's lessons to heart!

04.02.111

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Austin : [Goes pale at the thought] Perhaps some sort of long distance relationship would be more appropriate?


;;; out all day tomorrow!

--e89a8ff1c81c87e71804df997412

04.02.112

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjMTExDQoNCj5BdXN0aW4gOiBbR29lcyBwYWxlIGF0IHRoZSB0aG91Z2h0 XSBQZXJoYXBzIHNvbWUgc29ydCBvZiBsb25nIGRpc3RhbmNlIHJlbGF0aW9uc2hpcCB3b3VsZCBi ZSBtb3JlIGFwcHJvcHJpYXRlPw0KDQpEdXI6IE5vbnNlbnNlISBBIEh1c2JhbmQgaGFzIGNlcnRh aW4gZHV0aWVzIHRoYXQganVzdCBNVVNUIGJlIHBlcmZvcm1lZCBmb3IgdGhlIHNha2Ugb2YgYSBt YXJyaWFnZS4gU2hlZXNoISBBcyBhIGxhd3llciBJIHdvdWxkIGV4cGVjdCB5b3UgdG8ga25vdyBz dWNoIGEgdGhpbmchDQoNCj47Ozsgb3V0IGFsbCBkYXkgdG9tb3Jyb3chDQoNCjs7OyBPaCB5ZWFo ISBJIHdpbGwgYmUgb3V0IGFsbCBkYXkgdG9tb3Jyb3cgdG9vIQ0K

04.02.113

Alice: Yeah, but those particular duties don't lead to kids. Click-click! Anyway, Dur, for the sake of us all, promise me you'll never impregnate that lovely wife of yours! [To the others] So where do we go? Apraxia? But where?

04.02.114

Jordan: [To Charlie] Do you have any family there they might have gone to stay with for a bit?

04.02.115

Alice: Or maybe check out the Finley guy? Isn't he in Apraxia?

04.02.116

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Charlie: Indeed, perhaps we should seek out Alistair. He will be able to help us fill in some gaps. [To Jordan] My family has always largely lived on the estate, [sadly] though there are few of us left now!

--e89a8fb2078c34ea2c04dfa91ae3

04.02.117

Last from heather 116

the estate, [sadly] though there are few of us left now!

Alice: Maybe if you didn't all live in the same place it wouldn't have been so easy to pick you all off?=

04.02.118

Last from Conor 117

Jordan: I hate to say it Charlie, but Alice does have a valid point.

04.02.119

Clint: It helps when you're not killing each other off, too!

04.02.120

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Charlie: [Defensively] To be fair, historically that was NOT the done thing. And Wilhelmina is clearly [clearly grasping] somewhat troubled and in need of help.

--20cf307cfc40256b3404dfacd7ef

04.02.121

Brawny: Oh, The Abyss does need our help. We must be there for the Reveal.=20

04.02.121

Clint: Yeah, and this time we're going to be the ones who give it to her! No more letting her demon father teach her the difference between right and wrong!

04.02.122

Alice: Maybe she does know the difference? She just choose to do wrong?

Brawny: She chose to spare us. We are the chosen ones! We are those who will survive The Abyss and live to testify! Come, everyone hold hands and reflect on our good fortune!

Alice: [Mutters to the party] Run! For the love of God, run!

04.02.123

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Austin : I think Wil may be less scary!


;;;; out this afternoon and tomorrow

--bcaec5215f53bec6e404dfe298bc

04.02.124

Brawny: Oh Blessed Be Her Chosen Ones, on this Happy Day!

[Exit the party, running screaming from the manor.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!

04.03.001

[Book IX, Act IV, Scene III. The Road to Apraxia. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and JORDAN are here, about a mile from The Manor.]

Alice: I just hope we can find someone in Apraxia who can tell us what the hell is going on!

04.03.002

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Charlie: [Confidently] Alistair will know something! And perhaps we can locate Mother and Grandmother, as well. They must be frantic about poor Will.


;;; Out for the day! Be kind to Charlie!

--047d7b3435f694a77a04dfe518db

04.03.003

Alice: I guess they know we're coming, though. Look at that! [Points to some graffiti which says "The Mother is Coming".]


;;; Never!

04.03.004

Jordan: Well spotted Alice. [To Clint] Before we ran away screaming you mentioned about Will's father, our dear Petsy, being a demon. I thought he was an angel again now? You know, when he appeared and took Charlie for a bit because he said Wil was in trouble?


;;; we might have if you hadn't said anything

04.03.005

Charlie: Correct! Pestilence is very much an angel, but he's unfortunately not in a position to be directly involved.


;;; Sure!

04.03.006

Dur: Tragic! Another father uninterested in the raising of his daughter? What's this world coming to?

04.03.007

Alice: It could be worse, Dur, you could have a daughter! [Gives a shiver]

04.03.008

Dur: All in due course, my dear! But let's not focus on my future failings while we could be focused on Charlie's current failings!

04.03.009

Charlie: Don't be ridiculous, Dur. The child is merely traumatised from the deaths of her parents. It is simply a matter of finding her and clearing up this misunderstanding. I mean, it surely was Wilhelmina who spared us back in the house, correct? Although why she would, er, enhance? Extend? Alice's rear, is any one's guess.

04.03.010

up this misunderstanding. I mean, it >surely was Wilhelmina who spared us back in the house, correct? Although why she would, er, enhance? Extend? Ali= ce's rear, is any one's guess.

Dur: [Patting Charlie on the shoulder] Whatever helps you sleep at night, my dear.=20


;;; I think that was three from me.=20

04.03.010

Clint: [Bluntly.] Look, Chuck, the kid's acting out. Making excuses for her instead of setting her straight isn't gonna do anyone any good. Least of all Wil!

04.03.011

Charlie: An explanation is not the same as an excuse, Mr. Scar.

Alice: Hey! Having these weird changes happen to me isn't exactly help me sleep, buddy!

04.03.012

Jordan: No, but they do increase your chances of a man wanting to do something to you that will make it easier for you to sleep.

04.03.013

Clint: Sorry, Bimbo, but one emergency at a time! I say we start with figuring out what the hell's up with Charlie's kid and put your expanding rear on the back-burner, as it were.

04.03.013

Alice: Aw, thanks Jordie! I just hope it wasn't Will!

04.03.014

Alice: Giving me the bum's rush, eh?


;;; Dom is also out today

Austin: We should be more concerned about this graffiti. [Studies his nails] Does this really refer to Charlie?

04.03.015

Clint: Probably. Her daughter's gone and started her very own cult, after all.

04.03.016

Jordan: I'm sorry Clint, but we have no evidence to support that Wil was the one who started the cult, only that she is the center of their attention.

04.03.016

Alice: Then surely we should be able to have minions of our own to carry us the way from here? People to give us free stuff? That would be cool!

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04.03.017

Alice: He's right, Stinky. Cult members are often really weird. You know the saying, you can choose your hair colour, but you can't choose the witless drones who follow your every move, watching, waiting, hoping to find some used underwear. [Thinks] Although if they really wanted it that badly, you'd think they'd be less fussy about how [finger quotes] grey it is.

[Enter ECHO MADOFF, a six foot tall man wearing a baby outfit. The party are now dressed in their normal clothes.]

Echo: 'sup. [Drinks some milk]

04.03.018

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Charlie: [Watches Echo, baffled] Er, good sup to you to, peculiar stranger! Are you attending a fancy dress event?

--001a11c1dfbc92b93e04dff77d87

04.03.019

Echo: [Gives Charlie a withering look] Really? You think I'd have an exposed diaper if I was going to a fancy event?

04.03.020

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Charlie: [Cheerily] I really wouldn't know what your sort of people consider appropriate! Are you a member of any cults, perchance? [Worriedly] Certainly not Wilhelmina's? [To the party] That would be MOST embarrassing! One really hopes for a higher quality of minion for one's children.

--089e013cbb3611709304dff81922

04.03.021

Echo: I'm certainly not a member of a cult! I'm a Materialist. [Pronounced "Mayter-eeliest"]

04.03.022

Jordan: And that would be what exactly?

04.03.023

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Charlie: [Whips out a notepad and pencil] And do tell us the aims of your group, date of founding, etc.

--089e013cbb3644444804dffa1439

04.03.024

Echo: To welcome The Mother. We always existed. We were always children.

04.03.025

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Charlie: [Gives an awkward wave] Greetings! I am Will's mother. [Primly] Now, do dress properly so you do not disgrace the family further!


;;; Out for the next couple of hours!

--047d7b3435f6d3298b04dffa7332

04.03.026

Echo: I am dressed properly, and I don't know who that Will guy is!

04.03.027

Dur: Perhaps you know her by her proper name, Wilhelmina?

04.03.028

Echo: [Shrugs] Nope.

04.03.029

Jordan: So, The Mother of who, or what, is it that you are waiting for?

04.03.030

Echo: [Dreamily] The Mother of the future, what's who!

04.03.031

Dur: Soooo.... You're just a regular nutter then? Perhaps we should continue our quest elsewhere, this... child? Is obviously of no help to us.=20

04.03.032

Echo: Oh no, I'm a very special kind of nutter. A saved nutter! And really, you need to be more careful, especially if you want to go to Apraxia dressed like [looks at the party with some disgust] that.

04.03.033

sed like [looks at the party with some disgust] that.

Dur: [Sighs] I suppose that you are going to suggest that we HAVE to go into Apraxia dressed like you?

04.03.034

Jordan: And who is The Mother of the future? Who saved you? From what?

04.03.035

Clint: And why? [Looks Echo up and down.] Seriously, why you?


;;; As I explained to Conor last night, am pretty swamped, so not sure

how much from me today. But have taken a break and caught up on posts.

Seriously, why Echo?

04.03.036

Echo: [To Dur] Well, you don't HAVE to! [To the others] She hasn't saved us yet, but she will, once she reveals herself to us!


;;; His sense of style!

04.03.037

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Charlie: [Clearly humoring Echo] I see. And how will you know her when you see her? Perhaps a helpful name badge?

--001a11c2cdfe5c9f5504dffc8ee5

04.03.038

Echo: I don't know, but the Sitter will know her.

Austin: [Rolls his eyes] The Sitter?

Echo: Yes, he looks after us Children.

04.03.039

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Charlie: [Nods warily] I see. And why do fully grown, absurdly dressed men need minding?

--001a11c1dfbc60e8ec04dffeaece

04.03.040

Clint: Because they're fully grown, absurdly dressed men?


;;; Zing!

04.03.041

Echo: To protect us from Unbelievers who taunt us.

04.03.042

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Charlie: [Nods knowingly] Yes, there must be many, many people who taunt you! [Shakes her notepad a bit pointedly] Now, could you tell me your key beliefs and aims? And perhaps organizational structure?

--e89a8fb2078c4968d104e00c44f2

04.03.043

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Austin : Does that really matter? There are clearly several cults, each with a 'Mother' worship thing going down. Perhaps Alice is going to be the mother for this cult too? We could just find a good party to go to until this Reveal happens.

--e89a8ff1cce652353404e00cdd7b

04.03.044

Alice: Hey, that's really insulting, Austin! I'm not the mother to a bunch of cult weirdoes -- I was mother to a bunch demon weirdoes with yellow ties from a different dimension!

Echo: Why did they have ties from a different dimension?

Alice: Because the demons were from a different dimension. It was more convenient to simply pick them up there rather than travel here for them.

Echo: Cool. So, one of you is The Mother?

04.03.045

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Austin : Yes, we have two 'The Mothers', for two or more cults. I guess it depends upon which cult you are a member of. [To the party] Why are these cults all the same [Frowns at Echo's clothing] Apart from the freaky clothing.

--047d7bf0cefe02fc6e04e00dc465

04.03.046

Echo: Then you need to come see The Sitter! And there are no other groups like ours, none! [Thinks] Well, maybe those guys who dress up as babies are a little bit like us, but they're way more perverse.

Alice: Why?

Echo: Because they like it.

04.03.047

Jordan: Well I suppose we better go see The Sitter. You never know, it might actually be Al.

04.03.048

Echo: Great! Who's good at changing diapers?

04.03.049

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Charlie: [Quickly] Dur!

--001a11c2cdfedcab2f04e00e4104

04.03.050

Alice: [Finishes] Ti Diapers are Dur's speciality!

04.03.051


;;; Wait for it..... waiiiiiiittttt fooooooor iiiiiiiiittttt!

Dur: [A little wistfully] It brings me back to my days living on the streetand visiting the local buffet. Sure it was really just a dumpster that all= us homeless people dug food out of, but it had all the dirty diaper stew you could eat!


;;; Honestly.... you all should just blame yourselves for that one.=20

04.03.052


;;; No, we blame you!

Echo: [Holds his arms up to Dur] Mommy!

04.03.053

Dur: [Eyes narrow] Don't make my summon my wife and have her eat you.

04.03.054

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Austin : Dr TiRag, is there some thing that you have not told us?

--047d7b15a159fea6eb04e00f558d

04.03.055

Alice: Oh, God, Aus, surely he's already told us everything. Everything!

04.03.056

Dur: But if you weren't paying attention the first time around, I can startfrom the beginning. [Goes into a narrator's voice] I was born in squalor i= n a little mud patch that my family called home. Sure it didn't look like much, but we had all the mud and slop we could eat..... Wait... I don't thin= k that's right.=20

04.03.056

Jordan: [Holding his right hand up so that his forefinger and thumb make a circle] One does not simply tell his friends everything.

04.03.057

Alice: [Watching Dur, fascinated] Tell us more about the slop!

04.03.058

Dur: [Eyes tearing] It was the best slop. Sure we'd have to sneak onto the farm after dark so as not to get caught, and the pigs were viciously territ= orial, but it was worth it! [Glares at Charlie] Why aren't you writing thisdown? Surely my autobiography will be a fantastic contribution to the worl= d of science!

04.03.059

itorial, but it was worth it! [Glares at Charlie] Why aren't you writing this down? Surely my autobiography will be a fantastic contribution to the wo= rld of science!

Jordan: [Pulls out his own notepad and pen] Fear not good doctor, I shall endeavor to capture your memoirs and have them published on your behalf, for a modest fee of course. And make a series of poems based on them too of course. It shall be my third book. The Tragic Tales of Doctor Ti.

04.03.060


;;; Heather's afk

Charlie: [To Dur] I'm protecting the world from you. [To Echo] Please take us to your babysitter, er, young man.

Echo: Sure, but you guys are gonna look weird wearing those crazy clothes.

04.03.061

Jordan: Well we aren't stripping down to our underwear again!

04.03.062

Echo: I should hope not! That would look ridiculous. You would look stupid. Now, come on, I've got a box bonnets and giant inflatable lollipops. [Starts to walk away from the party] Come on, The Sitter will be dying to see you!

04.03.063

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Clint: Say, guys, there's all these cults around, right? I say if there's not already one with Alice as their mother figure, we should start one! Get loyal followers of our own so we can make /them/ deal with the crazies!


;;; Submission tonight, I think, so back to regularly scheduled service

tomorrow!

--------------070601090305000809050601

04.03.064

Alice: Sure, but where are we going to find a bunch of mindless morons around here?

Echo: [Waves to the party] Come on! There's a horde of men wearing baby costumes that are dangerously tired and cranky who need urgent help with their diaper rash.

04.03.065

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Austin : Look no further.

--047d7b15a815fff1c904e02037b7

04.03.065

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Charlie: [To Dur] Oh, this will be wonderfully fulfilling for you! [Beaming] Pestilence always enjoyed directing nannies to attend to these little domestic chores, and [encouragingly] --with hard work--you can aspire to rise to the same socio-demographic group as those nannies! [To the party, following Echo] Come along, group!

--089e0112c63a961ed504e0203840

04.03.066

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Last from heather and Dom 65

mestic chores, and [encouragingly] --with hard work--you can aspire to rise to the same socio-demographic group as those nannies! [To the party, followi=

Alice: You jest! Are we really going to persuade them to follow us? Really? Them?=

--Apple-Mail-821A25EB-A50D-44D4-B7A7-28B1E34EF9DE

04.03.067

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Charlie: It will be quite simple! [Sagely] Babies require very little. Offer them a [finger quotes] binky, and they'll be yours!


;;; Out for a couple of hours!

--001a11c250049610a304e0215937

04.03.068

Alice: Ew! What's that? Some sort of drug?

04.03.069

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Austin : [Shudders] It sounds far far more sinister than that!

--047d7b86f1a412e99e04e0220ef1

04.03.070

Alice: [Looks at Echo] Go on then, how bad could it be?


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!

04.04.001

[Book IX, Act IV, Scene IV. The Creche. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and JORDAN are here, slowly following behind ECHO. There is, frankly, a disturbingly large number of adults (both men and women) dressed as babies.]

Alice: O.M.F.B.

04.04.002

Dur: What does that stand for?

04.04.003

Alice: Obnoxious Male/Female Babies.

04.04.004

Dur: Takes one to know one! HA! I kill me!

04.04.005

Alice: [Darkly] I wish you would!

04.04.006

Dur: [Nervously separates himself from Alice by hiding behind Clint] Errr... right. On to trying to influence a cult of baby-men right? Maybe if we br= ibe them with candy and tell them our quest is finding our lost puppy?

04.04.007

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Charlie: Perhaps! Let us find The Sitter first. [Wisely] Traditionally, sitters can be controlled with money and offers of free food.

--001a11c2dca480524004e023d103

04.04.007

Echo: No one's bribing anyone until The Sitter watches you.

04.04.008

Alice: That and access to a virtually empty house for fun and games with boyfriends that their parents would disapprove of.

Echo: [Brings

04.04.008

Echo: [Brings the party to a large tent, with two other adult babies outside, each with menacing looking rattles, that he addresses] They say that one of them is The Mother.

04.04.009

Clint: That's right, so behave or she'll do something awful to you freaks, like grounding you for a month or something!

04.04.010

[ECHO looks into the tent for a moment before returning to the party.]

Echo: You may enter, but be aware that False Mothers are likely to be put to death.

04.04.008

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Austin : This is just weird. Plain and simple weird. [Looks at the men in disgust] I wonder what manner of pervert is behind this!

--bcaec520eab1413adf04e024ca47

04.04.011

Alice: I thought I was behind it!

04.04.012

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Charlie: [Nods] Indeed, that would explain the sick nature of the arrangement! [To Echo] Certainly, I am no false mother, so I shall enter without concern!

--001a11c1dfbc6bc13f04e024dbed

04.04.013

concern!

Dur: [Casually] And you should know that most people who try to kill Charlie have wound up experiencing horrifying deaths themselves. Just saying.=20

04.04.014

Echo: And you should know that anyone who has declared themselves a False Mother has had their entrails ripped out through their eyesockets. Just saying. Bitch.

[The party enter the tent, where a creepy looking man, dressed in a scruffy looking raincoat, sits, watching them with binoculars. This is HACKEY EARLE.]

Hackey: Hello Little Children.

04.04.015

Clint: [To the party, eying Hackey.] If he's the Sitter, the parents are clearly nuts!

04.04.016

Hackey: Come on in, there's nothing to be afraid of. Just take off your pants and approach. Slowly.

04.04.017

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Austin : Not likely, pervert! Keep your filthy hands to yourself.

--047d7b86f1a43a424304e0339612

04.04.018

Hackey: I won't touch you with my hands.

04.04.019

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Austin : Great, how about not touching us with your mind or any other part of your filthy pervert existence?

--047d7b2ee339f6cfa504e0341445

04.04.020

Hackey: Fine. I just need to caress you with my parent stick.=20

04.04.021

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Charlie: We should like to see this stick before agreeing to any terms!


;;; So!disturbing!

--047d7b3435f6ed1ca704e034860d

04.04.022

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Austin : Like I said, keep your perverted self away from us, including your 'parenting stick', you vile creature.

--047d7b6da8c2a12b0704e034a2e9

04.04.023

Hackey: It's cool. There's nothing to be afraid of. I have it here in my pants.

04.04.024

Dur: [Already with his pants off] Wait, what are we doing?=20

04.04.025

Alice: I don't know what you're doing, but the rest of us are keeping our eyes shut!

04.04.026

Dur: Seems dangerous to me!=20

04.04.027

Hackey: Actually, it makes it way less dangerous when people have their eyes closed. Easier sneak up behind them with my Parenting Stick exposed.

04.04.027

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Charlie: Indeed! Now, let us see this Parenting Stick, and then we shall decide our next course of action.

--20cf307cfc401e8fc604e0367762

04.04.028

Hackey: Here -- it has been blessed. If it touches The Mother, it will give a sign. [Holds up a knotted stick, about two feet long] Now, who's fi-

[The stick shakes and shudders, before bursting with white light which showers the party.]

Alice: What the hell?


;;; Sometimes I make it too easy!

04.04.029

Dur: [Showered with white light] Ahhhhh! My eyes! He got it in my eyes!

04.04.030

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Charlie: [Giggles] Oh, my! [Hesitates] Though rather alarming and disgusting, giving the context!

--001a11c2dca40a007e04e036b79c

04.04.031

Alice: Ew! What's going on? Did his knobbly stick explode?

[When the light subsides, the party can see that this does seem to be the case. HACKEY scrambles at the back of the tent to escape.]

Hackey: Help! Help!

04.04.032

Dur: Aha! [Tries casting HOLD PERSON on Hackey] So the tables have turned Sitter! Now it is you who will feel the wrath of OUR knobbly sticks! Especia= lly Alices!

04.04.033

Alice: Yours won't be the first pair of testicles that I'll knee!

[HACKEY stops dead where he is.]

Hackey: Please! Please don't hurt me! I didn't know it was all real!

04.04.034

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Charlie: What do you mean, The Mother?! So have you been putting scores of people to death?

--001a11c250047a807704e0371da4

04.04.035

Hackey: Well... what's a score? I mean, what does that even mean? It's not a proper number, is it? Surely it depends on the game? You know, if it was soccer, then a score might only be one, but if it was smacking naked children with a towel in their locker room, why then [nervous laugh] it could be in the thousands!

04.04.036

soccer, then a score might only be one, but if it was smacking naked children with a towel in their locker room, why >then [nervous laugh] it could b= e in the thousands!

Dur: Ok, so if you don't even believe in the Mother, how did you come to lead this cult? How do they even know about the Mother?=20

04.04.037

Hackey: Everyone knows about The Mother! I just managed to get hold of the Parenting Stick -- I never thought we would ever actually get to witness an arrival!


;;; Gone for the day!

04.04.038

Clint: I think you mean a coming, you sick freak!

04.04.039

Hackey: Whatever! Look, who are you people? Which of you is the Mother?

04.04.040

Dur: Charlie is, of course. At least that is what we have come to think, right?

04.04.041

Alice: [Sulkily] That's what everyone seems to think.

04.04.042

Dur: [Patting Alice] There there, dear girl. I am sure that one day you will also be mother to some horrible monster spawn.=20

04.04.043

Alice: Aw! Thanks Dur! That's so sweet!

04.04.042

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Austin : Except for me. I think that Alice is also 'The Mother', it's simply explained by the fact that the aforementioned mothers are indeed, both, separately, and notwithstanding any other unrelated relationships or informal formalities, each, and equally in their own rights, with respect to several and various known and unknown formal and informal cults or loosely or tightly connected belief systems, mothers in their own rights.

--bcaec520efa930031004e0738b02

04.04.043

Clint: I don't know what the lawyer just said, but I disagree!

04.04.044

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Charlie: [To Clint] Indeed, that is usually a sensible stance, but he does have a point. Both Alice and I are mothers, in a sense, so it is difficult to know who is meant to be THE Mother to which these cultists refer!

--20cf307cfc40d11f7804e073e614

04.04.045

Alice: I don't know, Aussie sound super smart -- and it sounded like he was saying that I win. Or was he trying to sue me?


;;; Drew is out today

Jordan: [To Hackey] Where did you get the Parenting Stick?

Hackey: I don't know what you're talking about.

04.04.046

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Austin : [To Alice] You only win, because you are the best [Winks at Alice. To Hackey] Where did you get the stick?

--047d7b15a1596b1a8704e0745aa4

04.04.047

Clint: [to Hackey.] Well? Spit it out! Dangerous signs of authority shouldn't go to freaks like you!

04.04.048

Hackey: Somebody from HARMA gave it to me! Honest!

04.04.049

Clint: And where did *they* get it from?

04.04.050

Hackey: I don't know! You'd have to ask her! That really mean bitchy woman who was in charge!

04.04.051

Clint: [Surprised as hell.] Lawyer, what was your girlfriend doing giving something like the Parenting Stick to someone like this?!

04.04.052

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Austin : [Indignantly] It was clearly not Amelia, as she is not in the least bit bitchy.

--e89a8ff249d9e409f604e07787c6

04.04.053

Alice: [Gives Austin a startled look, and then smiles] Oh! For a minute there, I thought you said Amelia!

04.04.054

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Austin : [To Alice, flatly] I did say Amelia.

--047d7b6da8c2bad35004e0840f55

04.04.055

Alice: Oh. For two minutes there, I thought you said that she wasn't in the least bit bitchy.

04.04.056

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Austin : [Flatly] I did. She is not in the least bit bitchy.

--e89a8ff1c742c7834d04e0848a81

04.04.057

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Charlie: [Laughs merrily] Oh, do be serious, Mr. Sleaze! That would be like saying Pestilence isn't charming! Quite absurd!

--20cf307f38de818c1204e0852d57

04.04.058

Alice: Aw! Poor Austin! You're almost as blinded by love as Charlie is! It's so cute!

04.04.058

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Austin : [Sighs. Mutters to himself] Arguing with fools and the insane is pointless, Austin.

--047d7b6d7d3ab1f98f04e0855ed8

04.04.059

Alice: Austin. Are you arguing with yourself again?

Hackey: So, uh, I'll just slope off then.

04.04.060

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Austin : [To Alice] No, I was commiserating. [To Hackey] Not so fast, charlatan! When did the HARMA officer give you the stick?

--047d7b86f1a4912dd004e0858c0a

04.04.061

Hackey: About two months ago! She said that she knew I had potential, that I was special, and that I should take my hand off her ass.

04.04.062

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Charlie: [Nods] Well, you DO seem like her type!

--089e012942aac9d56c04e08660c6

04.04.063

Hackey: She's a bit old for me.

04.04.064

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Austin : [To the others] There, you see, it obviously wasn't Amelia.

--047d7b15a1595132aa04e086dc8a

04.04.065

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjNjQNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFtUbyB0aGUgb3RoZXJzXSBUaGVyZSwgeW91 IHNlZSwgaXQgb2J2aW91c2x5IHdhc24ndCBBbWVsaWEuDQoNCkR1cjogSSBiZWxpZXZlIGhlIG1l YW50IHRoYXQgc2hlIHdhcyB0b28gZmFyIGJleW9uZCBwcmVwdWJlc2NlbmNlIEF1c3Rpbi4gDQoN Cg0K

04.04.066

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Austin : Eww, yes I see. Nasty!

--e89a8ff1c74251230904e0876c52

04.04.067

Hackey: Don't knock it until you've tried it!

04.04.068

Dur: Is this HARMA officer still in the city? Did she tell you what to do when you found The Mother?

04.04.069

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: Indeed, what is HARMA's interest in The Mother?

--047d7b67239a55049204e087eff4

04.04.070

Clint: Maybe you should take us to this woman... We can have the lawyer sweet-talk it out of her.

04.04.071

Hackey: I don't know! She told me that I would be arrested unless I set up a cult and stroked people with my Parenting Stick! Honestly! That's all I know!

04.04.072

know!

Dur: Perhaps we should keep an eye open for Amelia then while we are here looking for Charlie's family. It sounds like she may have some answers about= what is going on.=20

04.04.073

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Austin : Well, since she has been a mile ahead of us at practically every turn, that would be a good idea.

--bcaec52994615f57ca04e0890060

04.04.074

Clint: Maybe you should talk to her alone, lawyer. I get the impression she doesn't much like the rest of us!

04.04.075

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

Austin : No Mr Scar, she does not. She has rather good taste. [Casually check his nails]

--047d7bacc7b8d0be5404e0891348

04.04.076

Alice: But she likes you, doesn't she? Or does she?

04.04.077

Clint: Funny ol' world, isn't it?

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

LinkedIn ------------ Date: 7/03/2013 Michael Gallier wrote:

I would like to invite you to join my group on LinkedIn. <br> <br> -Michael

Join Group I don't want to receive these messages: http://www.linkedin.com/e/kvmgke-hiny5c3u-48/VNgiApWUEju0cEe4VGeW7kQ2hjOaPA9/blk/I4886504384_1/tD9MbOYWrSlI/prv/?hs=false

(c) 2013, LinkedIn Corporation. 2029 Stierlin Ct. Mountain View, CA 94043, USA

------=_Part_51698750_848432938.1372820949645

04.04.078

Hackey: Look, you guys probably don't realise, but there's something you don't know about, that you'd never guess in a million years.

04.04.079

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: [Super excited] Oh, I love guessing games! Act it out, like Charades! Is it a book? A film?

--e89a8fb2078c8037cd04e097fbea

04.04.080

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Austin : [Worried] Is it something sinister and perverted?

--047d7bd74a6e3101a704e0985fb8

04.04.081

Last from Dom 80

Alice: Is it that you're a child molester?

Hackey: No! It's nothing like that. The truth is [dramatic pause] I'm not really psychic!=

04.04.082

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Last from Conor 81

Charlie: [Sighs] That is precisely as useful as I expected it to be! [All business] Now, where did you last see the HARMA agent you spoke of?

--e89a8fb2078c9b986604e09ac3ae

04.04.083

Hackey: At the Psychic Carnival.

04.04.084

Dur: Why would a non-psychic be at a Psychic Carnival? Does HARMA have a base of operations here?

04.04.085

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Austin : [Looks incredulously at Dur] It is very unlikely that there are ever any genuine psychics at a Psychic Carnival, it is simply a means of conning the weak and feeble minded out of a bit of cash. HARMA probably has their treasury there [Giggles]

--047d7b6d7d3a2a295f04e09b3957

04.04.087

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Austin : No. [Folds his arms and blows a raspberry at Alice]

--e89a8ff1c984e9f7f404e09b5be4

04.04.088

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjODcNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IE5vLiBbRm9sZHMgaGlzIGFybXMgYW5kIGJs b3dzIGEgcmFzcGJlcnJ5IGF0IEFsaWNlXSANCg0KRHVyOiBJIHRoaW5rIHdlIGhhdmUgZ290dGVu IGFsbCB0aGUgdXNlZnVsIGluZm9ybWF0aW9uIHdlIGFyZSBnb2luZyB0byBnZXQgb3V0IG9mIHRo aXMgY29uLg0K

04.04.086

Alice: Is that your pet name for Amelia?

Hackey: [To Austin] Hey! I object to that! I'm sure that there has at least once been one. If such a thing as a genuine psychic in the first place. Which there isn't. So, hah! See you, suckers! [Tries to run off]

04.04.089

[Exit HACKEY, racing out the main exit.]

Alice: So HARMA and [blows a raspberry] are giving weirdo cult leaders a way to identify this Mother? Why?

04.04.090

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Charlie: The Mother is obviously a figure of power, and HARMA wishes to harness--or more likely control--her! Let us attempt to find that dreadful Amelia and see what she knows.

--047d7b67239a0575e304e09b7728

04.04.091

Amelia and see what she knows.

Dur: What about your family? Perhaps they know where she is?

04.04.092

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: Certainly, if we can find them! HARMA tends to keep a higher profile, though.

--001a11c25004cfb36804e09b8ddc

04.04.093

Alice: Do we keep going to Apraxia? Hopefully Dr. Finley will be able to help us, but will we stand out more than a HARMA officer at a fun party?

04.04.094

Dur: Do we have another option? We need answers and all signs thus far seemto point to Apraxia.=20

04.04.095

Alice: [Gives a sigh of frustration] Sigh! Did you see what I did there? I said a HARMA officer at a fun party -- you see, the HARMA guys aren't fun at all, so that's why they'd stand out!

04.04.096

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Charlie: [Nods supportively] Indeed, we found it to be one of your wittiest barbs ever! [To the party] Didn't we, group?

--089e012942aadda7b604e09cb2ba

04.04.097

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8

some smoke rings] We'll need transport to get to Apraxia [Looks around for a carriage]

--e89a8ff1c74290d34d04e09cd41d

04.04.097

All: [Barely audible] Mumble mumble mumble.

Alice: Aw! Thanks you guys! Now, are we going to stand out like [stagily] HARMA officers at a party? Or are we going to wear a bunch of baby clothes? Gah! I mean, at a FUN party!

04.04.098

Clint: [Flatly.] We're going to stand out. No way are you people getting me to dress up like a giant baby!

04.04.098

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1


;;; Your busy GM asked me to pause the game for the day.

;;; The game resumes as normal on Friday. Also, happy

;;; 4th of July to the other Americans in the group!

On Wed, Jul 3, 2013 at 11:27 AM, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>wrote:

--20cf307f38de03b88a04e0aa152b

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8


;;; I'll be away all next week!

On 4 July 2013 07:56, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com> wrote:

--047d7bacc7b8f226ac04e0abd077

04.04.099

Alice: You wouldn't be dressing like a giant baby, you'd be dressing like a baby -- you'd just look like a giant baby!

RGVhciBtYW5hZ2VyLCAKCkhhdXhpbmcgZmFzaGlvbiBpbmR1c3RyeSBjb21wYW55IGhlcmUsIG1h aW4gZXhwb3J0IGtpbmRzIG9mIGxhY2UgaW4gQ2hpbmEuIAoKV2UgaGF2ZSBiaWcgd2FyZWhvdXNl IGFuZCBiaWcgcXVhbnRpdHkgc3RvY2sgbGFjZSwgdGhlIHByaWNlIGlzIGNvbXBldGl0aXZlLiAK CkFueSBxdWVzdGlvbiwgcGxzIGtpbmRseSBjb250YWN0IG1lLHRoYW5rcy4gCgpBd2FpdCB5b3Vy IHByb21wdCByZXBseS4KCkJlc3QgcmVnYXJkcwpKYWNreS9MdWx1Ckh1YXhpbmcgRmFzaGlvbiBJ bmR1c3RyeSBDby4sIExpbWl0ZWQKQWRkLjogUm00MDA0LCA0MC9GLiwgQnVpbGRpbmcgMSMsU2hp bWFvY2hhdGluZyBaaGVueXVhbixOby4yMjIsIEd1YW5nZGEuIFJkLiwgRnV6aG91LCBGdWppYW4s IDM1MDAwNCwgQ2hpbmEKVGVsOiArODYgNTkxIDg4MDg4NzcxIEV4dCA2MDEgICAgRmF4OiArODYg NTkxIDg3NjY4MzU1CldlYnNpdGU6IHd3dy5sYWNlLWZhYnJpYy5iaXoKTWFpbDogIGh1YXhpbmct ZmFzaGlvbi02MThAbGFjZS1mYWJyaWMuYml6CgpNU046ICBodWF4aW5nLWZhc2hpb24tNjE4QGhv dG1haWwuY29tClNreXBlOiBodWF4aW5nLWZhc2hpb24tNjE4IA------=_Part_92913_139001885.1373007953323

04.04.100

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Austin : Have no fear Mr Scar, no one even wants to go near you, let alone dress you as a baby. [Looks disgusted at Clint's clothes]

--047d7b6da8c2b3ef6904e0c116a5

04.04.101

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: Surely all of Apraxia has not gone mad and donned baby clothes!

--bcaec548aadf4c67c404e0c1374f

04.04.102

Alice: We'll see! So, [putting down a flouncy bonnet] er, thank God we don't have to wear this awful stuff.

04.04.103

Dur: Perhaps we should bring the clothes along...just in case?

04.04.104

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Austin : Most kind of you to offer to carry all of the clothes Mr Ti-rag. [To the others] We really must get moving, the world won't save itself!

--047d7bacc7b8f7f84f04e0c37bea

04.04.105

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Charlie: Quite so, Mr. Sleaze! [Hands Dur a copper piece] Well done! Don't drop any of the nappies!

--20cf307f38dec66b2804e0c3cef8

04.04.106

[Enter ECHO, in a panic.]

Echo: Where's the sitter? There's a madman about!

Alice: About what?

Echo: About to do something.

Alice: Something mad?

Echo: Who knows! Help! You've got to help us! He keeps insisting that he needs a toteschum!

04.04.107

Dur: Well we don't have a toteschum so how can we help?

04.04.108

Clint: Let's go see him anyway. It would be totes a good idea.

04.04.109

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Austin : Indeed, he may have a carriage too.


;;;away all next week!

--047d7b6da8c285095404e0c4820a

04.04.110

Clint: [Relieved.] Anything to postpone having to dress up. [To Echo.] Take us to this madman.


;;; Have a good holiday! Or a conference... but I repeat myself.

04.04.111

Echo: To the madman!

[Exit ALL.]

;; End of scene

04.05.001

[Book IX, Act IV, Scene V. The Maternalist Camp. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and JORDAN are here, having just come out of the tent with ECHO. FLETCH is here, beating up a man dressed as a baby.]

Fletch: [Wearing an adorable pink onesie] Stop crying, you big baby!

04.05.002

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Austin : [Fletch] Totes mazin onesie, totes chum!

--bcaec520efa968c71c04e0c568bd

04.05.003

Fletch: Austin! [Sees the rest of the party] Guys! Is it really you? I barely recognise you with your clothes on!

04.05.004

Clint: It's totes us. Can you get us out of this loony bin?

04.05.005

Fletch: This whole world is a loony bin. Totes loon!

04.05.006

Clint: Yeeeees, but it everyone wearing [with great distaste] diapers, or is it just people around here? Anyway, we need you to give us a lift to Apraxia, so let's go!

04.05.007

Fletch: Sure! I've got a carriage here, stolen from a nursery. We can throw some the plants out.

04.05.008

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Charlie: Splendid! Most resourceful. [Starts to hand Fletch a copper piece then hesitates] You did not, ah, violate these defenseless plants, one hopes?

--047d7b3435f6f5a65d04e0fcfaf7

04.05.009

Fletch: They're not all defenceless!

04.05.010

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Charlie: [Shudders] What do you mean, like thorns?!

--089e013cbb36c5bea604e0ff5883

04.05.011

Fletch: [Leading the party to a covered in carriage] And sap -- some of that stuff really stings. [Opens the carriage and points to a bunch of greenery] Let's dump all that stuff, except [points to one particularly attractive looking plant] for Sarah, of course.

04.05.012

ry] Let's dump all that stuff, except [points to one >particularly attractive looking plant] for Sarah, of course.

Dur: [Beginning to dump plants from the back] You could have come up with something more appropriate for a plant, at least. Like Ivy.=20

04.05.013

Fletch: I rushed into a brief relationship with Ivy, but it was all a bit rash.

04.05.014

Dur: Soooo.... she gave you a rash? If you like, I can schedule you for my next open appointment for emergency surgery.=20

04.05.015

Fletch: No, I gave her a rash!

04.05.016

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Charlie: How on earth--never mind! Do let us clear out the carriage and be on our way. [To Dur] And do try to avoid examining Fletch. Who knows what disease you might catch!

--001a11c2c5ee43bdff04e10085a3

04.05.017

Alice: Wow, Fletch! It would the first time that the patient is in less danger of death than the doctor in one of Dur's examinations!

Fletch: [Proudly] Totes Dange!

04.05.018

Dur: Let's not start all that totes talk again and be on our way!

04.05.019

Austin: You're totes drag, Dur!

[The carriage zooms off, leaving a trail of lonely and unattractive plants behind it.]

Fletch: [To Alice] Totes Ass. Was it Wil?

Alice: [Sighs] I don't know! Things just keep changing!

04.05.020

Clint: Y'know, maybe you should have Dur look at it for you? It could just be medical!

04.05.021

Alice: [Horrified] I hope not! You know, I was once featured inAss Fanciers Weekly, and they declare that I was "ass-essed as having as ass-tounding ass".

[Ass-tounding, as they say, is in the hand of the beholder, and, although it is now definitely larger and rounder, those who prefer curvier types to say, PHOEBE types, would possibly assess this version as ... ass-tonishing.]

Alice: [Worried] What do you think? I'm afraid to show it to Dur, you know, in case he behaves like... well... Dur!

04.05.022

Clint: I promise I won't let him eat you while your, uh, back is turned.

04.05.023

Austin: [Steps between Alice and Dur] Ass legal representative for Al-ass B-Ass-ett Short and her ass-etts, I insist this tomfoolery stop this instant. [To Fletch] Did you ask if Wil was responsible for the change in Alice's appearance.

Fletch: Totes!

04.05.024

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Charlie: What, as some sort of prank? Will's humor runs a bit more in line with Parker-Kensington's in terms of sophistication, in particular word play.

--e89a8fb2078c75948a04e110137c

04.05.025

Alice: That's not nearly as sophisticated as the Bassett-Short type pranks -- you know, where Daddy pretends to be all angry about you being arrested and cancels your credit cards?

04.05.026

and cancels your credit cards?

Dur: [Bursts out laughing hysterically] Haw! Good one Alice! [Wiping away atear] I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

04.05.027

Alice: Fletch was just about to tell us why he thinks Will would make my ass bigger!

Fletch: Who knows what runs through a god's mind. Totes God.

04.05.028

Clint: Fletch was just about to tell us why he thinks Chuck's half-demon child is a god.

04.05.029

Fletch: Because there's a whole religion about her! The Abyssinians. They call her The Abyss. Some book was written a brazillion years ago that foretold that she would come.

04.05.030

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Charlie: [Insulted] That is a dreadful thing to call her! And I can assure you, no one could have possibly predicted Wilhelmina's birth. It was all MOST unlikely, Pestilence and I finding one another and building a functioning family.

--e89a8fb2078c2309ee04e1153bf6

04.05.031

Alice: I don't know. Remember, there was that prophecy about us -- who could have known that we would be on hand to you-know-what Clementine?

04.05.032

Clint: She's got a point, Chuck. It wouldn't be much of a prophecy if everyone knew it was going to happen all along!

04.05.033

Dur: With all of our bouncing around through time, is it possible that someone wrote the prophecy based on our actual real world actions?

04.05.034

Alice: Maybe, but wouldn't they have made it a bit easier to understand if that was the case? I mean, what a pain in the curvy, juicy ass that was.

04.05.035

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Charlie: [To Fletch] I should very much like to see this alleged prophetic text. Do take us somewhere where we may view it at once!

--001a11c2c5ee774bb404e1159e21

04.05.036

Fletch: I don't have it, Charlie, it's a sacred text. I mean, do you really think that anyone would trust me with it after what happened with Ivy?

04.05.037

Dur: Is he implying that he would de-flower a holy text? Have you no standards man?!

04.05.038

Clint: Are you really the person to be asking that question, doc? Anyway, where is this sacred text, then? How do you know it even exists?

04.05.039

Fletch: Haven't a clue. You'd probably have to ask the Abyssinians.

04.05.040

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Charlie: Splendid! Take us to their headquarters at once, then.

--047d7b3a86f606a8b604e115f644

04.05.041

Fletch: Totes! It'll be totes Fletch for you to see your house again!

04.05.042

Clint: Aha! See there? I told you Wil was starting her own cult!

04.05.043

Austin: [Tuts irritably] Mr. Scar, please! First of all, her name is Will, second, you said no such thing. Third, I believe that [stresses the second L] Will tried to destroy the cult that sprang up around her. I believe that returning to the manor, which is quite possibly still on fire, to be a complete waste of time. [Sits back and considers things for a moment] Unless Brawny is still seeking a caning, in which case make haste, Fletch! Totes Haste!

04.05.044

L] Will tried to destroy the cult that sprang up >around her. I believe that returning to the manor, which is quite possibly still on fire, to be a c= omplete waste of time. [Sits back and considers things for a moment] UnlessBrawny is still >seeking a caning, in which case make haste, Fletch! Totes= Haste!

Dur: Maybe she was trying to keep us from seeing the manuscript?

04.05.045

Alice: By burning it?

04.05.046

Dur: Best way to keep someone from learning something you don't want them to know would be to destroy it right? That's what I used to do with all thos= e malpractice suits....

04.05.047

Alice: You mean the clothes you wore while [finger quotes] operating on people?

04.05.048

Dur: Yes! And the people. Unless they survived... usually.

04.05.049

Clint: People survived your operations?! I'd have thought infection would kill them off if you didn't! Anyway, if [with great emphasis, and an annoyed glare at Austin] Will was just trying to destroy the prophecy, that would explain why she let us go. Although not why she told her followers to kill us, then changed her mind.

04.05.050

Alice: Why don't we just keep going to Apraxia? And maybe Fletch knows where Charlie's Mum and Gran are.

Fletch: [With a dreamy smile] Totes Gert.


;;; No posting for the rest of the week! Normal service from Monday on

04.05.051

Alice: Er, did you have... you know... relations with Charlie's Nana?

Fletch: Totes! That lady sure knows how to use a cane!

04.05.052

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Charlie: [Nods approvingly] Indeed, the Parker-Kensingtons believe strongly in firm discipline! [To Fletch] Where did you last see Grandmother Gertrude?

--089e013cbb36642d3304e1889f08

04.05.053

Fletch: Apraxia! She and Helena moved out of the manor two months ago, when things started to get weird. Er.

04.05.054

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Charlie: Yes, but Apraxia IS a sizable city, after all! Where are they staying? Take us there at once.

--bcaec548aadf80ef8204e188bdd8

04.05.055

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Austin : Totes siza brill! Lets go!

--089e012289467d5e8404e18a7357

04.05.056

[The carriage sets off.]

Fletcher: They were staying with an old boyfriend of Gertie's. I think you guys met him, right? He's Totes Fin!

Alice: Totes Fin? You mean, Finley?

Fletcher: That's the guy!

04.05.057

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Austin : [Frowns] He was in the other cult, I wonder what he is up too?

--089e01493e00dea9bc04e18ae9bd

04.05.058

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Charlie: There is only one way to find out! [Dramatically] To the laboratory!

--20cf307abe9f4f44d904e18af9f5

04.05.059

Alice: He wasn't in a cult! He was investigating the Reveals -- remember, he was the one who figured out that they were coming from Charlie's house.

[The party are approaching Apraxia.]

04.05.060

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Charlie: With any luck, he and Mother and Grandmother will have learned more by the time we find them!

--bcaec548aadf29741404e18c9290

04.05.061

Dur: [Giggling] Hopefully we don't "find them" in a compromising position!

04.05.062

Alice: Ew! They're mother and daughter, you weirdo!

Fletcher: Yeah, Gertie doesn't like girls. Any more.

04.05.063

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Charlie: [To Fletch, aghast] Do stop smearing the good reputation of my grandmother!

--20cf307abe9feee3c704e18d9294

04.05.064

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Austin : [To Charlie] So you would prefer it if we told people that she did like girls?

--001a11c25cc297c43904e18da534

04.05.065

Alice: You know, I did think she seemed to be checking out my ass the last time we saw her.

Jordan: [Irritably] It's so large she probably couldn't help but look at it.

04.05.065

Clint: I know I would!

04.05.066

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Charlie: [Primly] I would prefer you refrain from commenting on her personal life, period!

--e89a8fb2078cb9fb2004e18dfb3b

04.05.067

[The carriage continues, and the party can see that there are Reveals throughout the landscape.]

Alice: [Taken aback at Jordan] Uh, what's the story with the Reveals, Fletch?

Fletcher: They just keep appearing -- or disappearing, depending on who you ask. They're all over the place now. Probably explains why everyone has found religion.

04.05.068

Clint: When did they start showing up? There must be a reason they're here, right?

04.05.069

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Austin : Something in the Manor was causing them, perhaps? Possibly something to do with Will.

--089e01493e00bafc5b04e18eaa7a

04.05.070

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjNjkNCg0KPkF1c3RpbsKgIDogU29tZXRoaW5nIGluIHRoZSBNYW5vciB3 YXMgY2F1c2luZyB0aGVtLCBwZXJoYXBzPyBQb3NzaWJseSBzb21ldGhpbmcgdG8gZG8gd2l0aCBX aWxsLg0KDQpEdXI6IENvdWxkIHdlIGJlIHJlc3BvbnNpYmxlIGZvciB0aGVtIHNvbWVob3c/DQo

04.05.071

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Austin : [Sighs] More likely that we were irresponsible for them.

--001a11c25cc2b30a7204e18ed711

04.05.072

Jordan: Oh for crying out loud! They started appearing three months ago! Remember? We were trying to find out what was causing them and it turned out that they were all centred on the Manor? Yeesh! Do you people ever pay any attention?

04.05.073

Clint: [Defensively.] A lot's happened since then!

04.05.073

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Austin : Those are not reasons that could lead to the phenomena, those are descriptions of the phenomena. You would know that if you paid attention. [Scans the view from the carriage]


;;;;awa hame

--089e0122894676522504e18f2361

04.05.074

Jordan: Sure. Alice's ass got even fatter, Austin was dickish to people, Charlie was in denial about her crazy husband and daughter, Dur was pathetic and you stank the place up. [To Austin] I was answering Clint's question. You would know that if you were paying attention.

04.05.075

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Charlie: [To Jordan, alarmed] Do calm down! We are all trying to understand what's happening--and with very little information. [Haughtily] And my husband is NOT crazy.

--001a1133561aff0d2704e19085a3

04.05.076

Alice: Yeah! He's just evil! [Gives Charlie a reassuring thumbs up]


;;; Heather is out for a bit

Charlie: [Sigh] He is not evil. Any more.

04.05.077

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[Time passes.]

Charlie: [Clears her throat and then prompts the party] Right?!

--001a11c2500491710d04e19ed0d9

04.05.078

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Austin : We don't know, we do not have any evidence to the contrary.


;;;; OOO today

--f46d0442889676f07604e19f6f99

04.05.079

Alice: Uh, sure! We think he's really neat now!

[The party approach Apraxia.]

Fletcher: Now, you guys be careful. [Adjusts his bonnet] You're really going to stand out dressed in those crazy clothes.

04.05.080

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Charlie: [Sighs heavily] I don't suppose you have a spare set of baby clothes about? Preferably several? [Hopefully] Something dignified?

--047d7b3435f675daaf04e1a12f74

04.05.081

Dur: Of course I do! I've only been carrying them around with us! [Dur pulls out the baby clothes he was given to hold] Nothing dignified though!

04.05.082

Alice: Oh, God, give them here. [Grabs some] Hey! Why is this diaper dirty?

04.05.083

Dur: [Defensive] Well, when was the last time YOU remember stopping for a potty break! A MAN CAN ONLY HOLD IT FOR SO LONG!

04.05.084

Alice: [Face covered in what everyone hopes is chocolate] I didn't think it was chocolate!

04.05.085

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Charlie: [Steps away from Alice quickly. To Fletch] Have YOU any baby clothes we could borrow? Unsoiled?

--089e012942aa0a450f04e1a18b64

04.05.086

Fletcher: Totes Romp! [Shows the party a huge bag of adult baby clothes]

04.05.087

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Austin : [Urgently rifles through the bag to find the cleanest onesie that fits him.] Totes relief!

--f46d0442889647d59c04e1a1a95c

04.05.088

Alice: Wow! These shorts are great! They're really short!

Jordan: [With disgust] That's because they're actual baby shorts!

04.05.089

Clint: [Holds up a onesie with great distaste.] Do we really have to? There's got to be another way!

04.05.090

Fletcher: It's either this or all wear black suits. [Shivers]

04.05.091

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Charlie: [Unreasonably excited] Oh, dear GOD! Yes, let us wear black suits!

--001a11c2500441967b04e1a23e04

04.05.092

Jordan: Why? Is brown too exciting for you?

04.05.093

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Austin : [Hardly believing his luck] Black *suits* my preference! [Chuckles at his own pun]

--f46d0442889659692b04e1a26173

04.05.094

Clint: I hate to agree with the lawyer, but I agree with the lawyer! [Pauses.] Who's wearing black suits these days?

04.05.095

Fletch: Totes Beats! They hang around all day looking moody and smoking.

04.05.096

Clint: Good enough for me! Take us to get some black suits, Fletch. And step on it!

04.05.097

Fletch: Totes!

[The carriage races towards the gates of APRAXIA, where a bunch of angry looking adult babies stand.]


;;; No posting until about 4PM today!!

04.05.098

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Charlie: [Horrified] What CAN these people be thinking?! Dressing so absurdly, and not even within the context of marital sex play!

--001a1133561a02138404e1c48832

04.05.099

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Austin : They may be partaking in some form of incredibly geeky mass role-play sex game?


;;;; out all day

--089e01228946b8f5ac04e1c49fc8

04.05.100

Jordan: You people disgust me!

Alice: Not true! We never talked about you!

[The carriage approaches the university.]

Fletch: Totes League.

04.05.101

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Charlie: [Watches Jordan warily] What IS the matter with you? Your attitude is dreadful.

--047d7b3435f6c2b18404e1c75177

04.05.102

Jordan: So's your hat. [To Fletch] Totes league? What's that supposed to mean?

Fletcher: The university is legal for the next two hours!

04.05.103

Dur: Meaning it will be illegal after that? Why?=20

04.05.104

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Charlie: [Disgusted] Isn't it obvious? Universities encourage free-thinking, which is detrimental to a cult's hold on its members!

--e89a8fb2078ca7eef904e1c93e30

04.05.105

Fletch: Totes! Well, actually, it's more the case that the University is run by various committees, each of which is dominated by various cults. Rather than actually making a decision which cult to believe in, the University instead decided to try a proportional system whereby 20% of the time is deemed completely legal, 5% of time time only legal for those not wearing pants, 60% of the time illegal, 4.9% of the time a playground and 0.1% of the time a large turtle named Dave.

Austin: You can be surprisingly articulate at times, Fletch.

Fletch: Totes!

04.05.106

Clint: So it's not really the next two hours, it's longer than that! As long as we take our pants off. [Looks around the group.] Let's hurry!

04.05.107

Alice: You better mean hurry inside, and not hurry to get your pants off!

04.05.108

Clint: Or both! We're still looking for Finley, right? [Looks around for a student to accost and get directions from.]

04.05.109

[There are even fewer students here that one would expect in the University of Limerick at 9AM on a Friday morning.]

Alice: Maybe he's in the same building he was the last time? I mean, he does work here, right?

Austin: If he works here he's almost certainly not on campus.

04.05.110

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Charlie: Oh, do be serious! Why, just last [frowns] --year, I think it was?--I held office hours on this very campus! [Proudly] Two whole hours! [Grouchily] And would you believe not a single student showed?! Ungrateful wretches!

--089e012942aaae1b3704e1ca896e

04.05.111

Alice: Maybe they thought you might want to tell them about your research?

04.05.112

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Charlie: [Laughs incredulously] And risk allowing them to steal my ideas?! You must be mad!

--20cf307abe9f1c646d04e1ca9a22

04.05.113

Alice: Almost as mad as Clint if he thinks there's going to be any panstlessness in a university!


;;; End of scene, next one coming up!

04.06.001

[Book IX, Act IV, Scene VI. A University Building. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and FLETCH are here, looking aghast at a full moon from DR. ALISTAIR FINLEY, who's leaning out a window, completely bare from the waist down. He hears some shocked gasps from the party and glances back.]

Finley: Quickly! That pigeon! He has my underpants!

04.06.002

Clint: Brave pigeon! We need to talk to you. Put some pants on first!

04.06.003

Dur: Indeed! After all, where would you store your sandwich without pants?

04.06.004

Finley: Good question! I've been pondering it myself for some time now. [Points to a white board covered in diagrams of all sorts of complex looking containers, all of which appear to be controlled by intricate systems of levers and pulleys] I'm stumped.

Alice: Maybe you could keep it in the fridge? [Points to a fridge just beyond the white board]

Finley: Pah! Stuff and nonsense! It is too far away!

04.06.005

Dur: I couldn't have said it better myself! [Pulls a far too moist sandwichfrom his underwear and raises it as if proposing a toast] To Sandwiches!

04.06.005

Clint: What you need is a grad student who can go to the fridge and get the sandwich for you!

04.06.006

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Charlie: Quite right, Mr. Scar! [To Finley] You can pay them in stale bread and warm water!

--047d7b3435f6d04e3304e1cafa8b

04.06.007

Clint: You could take the poet there, for example. Anyway, that's not why we're here. What's the story with these cultist freaks? Leave for a couple of days and the places goes nuts!

04.06.008

Finley: Poet? What poet?

Alice: Hey! Where's Jordie gone?

04.06.009

Clint: [Hopefully.] To get a new attitude?


;;; Shows what I get for not carefully reading the list of who's where!

04.06.010

Alice: I bet he's gone to write a really nice poem.

Finley: Forget your poet! There are more important things to worry about! [Leans back out the window] Hey! You! Pigeon!

04.06.011

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Charlie: [To Finley] Ordinarily, I would quite agree with you, but we cannot go around losing party members willy-nilly! [To the party] Come, let us search for Jordan at once.

--089e013cbb36f25e8b04e1d8fb58

04.06.012

Fletch: He's in the little boy's room.

04.06.013

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Charlie: [To Fletch, handing him a copper piece] Well done! [To Finley] Are Grandmother and Mother with you? We should like to see them at once, if so!

--001a1133561ad1b7d404e1dbe9d9

04.06.014

Finley: Ah yes, Mother and Grandmother... er, Pukwudgie. I'm not sure where they are right now.

Alice: You don't even know her name, do you?

Finley: [Points out the window] Forgive me for being distracted by this pigeon debacle!

04.06.015

Dur: Sorry, I don't have a spell for retrieving pants from pigeons. Are they your only pair?

04.06.016

Finley: They're not my underpants! Mine here here, in my pocket. [Pats where his trousers should be] Hm. Curious. Has anyone seen my trousers?

Alice: Oh my GOD! Can we please stop talking about people's pants?


;;; Gone for the weekend!

04.06.017

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Charlie: Indeed, this party is already far too focused on underpants as it is! [To Finley, gritting her teeth] Where are Gertrude and Helena?

--e89a8fb2078c07827e04e2176ebf

04.06.018

Finley: In hiding! There are a variety of cults who want them dead!

04.06.019

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Charlie: [Alarmed] Why is that?!

--089e013cbb361ffaec04e2193906

04.06.020

Dur: And why would they want Charlie's family dead but call Charlie the Mother?

04.06.021


;;; Dom is out this week

Austin: The things I do for this party. [Fishes out a pair of trousers, which he gives to Finley]

Finley: [Mercifully putting on the trousers] Do they? That is interesting. Some cults, such as The Beats, wish them dead because of their association with the Abyssinians. The Abyssinians want to worship them as demi-gods, but the New Abyssinians have sentenced them to death for blasphemy. The Reformed Abyssinians, New Reformed Abyssinians and Reformed New Abyssinians also want them dead, for a variety of reasons, too irritating and annoying to itemise.

Alice: Wow! Who would have guessed that mindless cults would be such idiots?

04.06.022

Clint: [To Finley.] You wouldn't happen to know where in hiding they are, would you?

04.06.023

Finley: Of course I do! They are up in the Misty Mountains, about a hundred miles north of here. In a town called Necrophilia, on Orange Lane, which is just off Black Street, near Henderson's Bakery. There are just two houses there.

Alice: Which one are they in? Left or right?

Finley: Good heavens, girl! It's classified! I can't just go around blurting it out to anyone, can I?

04.06.024

Clint: Maybe you'd better just come with us, so no one can get their location out of you! [To Charlie.] We're going to Necrophilia, right?

04.06.025

Alice: I once went to Coprophilia.

Austin: What was that like?

Alice: Pretty shitty.


;;; Boom boom!

04.06.025

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Charlie: Indeed we are! [To Finley] What have you heard about my daughter, Wilhelmina? She seems to have gained something of a following recently.

--047d7b6720386aaf9e04e21acc70

04.06.026

Finley: Ah yes, The Abyss! She appears to be the End of The World. I believe she may be the cause of the Reveals.

04.06.027

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Charlie: How could SHE be the cause of the Reveals? She is practically a child! And why do people think she is this so-called Abyss? Surely that would suggest a thing and not a person!

--047d7b672038ff71a104e21af27b

04.06.028

Finley: Yes! That's what I would have believed too! However, the Books, apparently, say otherwise!

04.06.029

Clint: Well, if you read it in a book, it must be true!

04.06.030

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Charlie: [To Finley, excited] Oh, have you seen The Books?! Do you have a copy? I should like to study them at once. [To Clint and Dur, regarding them critically] You should NOT touch the books, though. You would likely smear the pages and render them unreadable. [Inspired] But you MAY keep my pencils sharp. You can take shifts!

--20cf3079bcb6783cbc04e21c313b

04.06.031

You can take shifts!

Dur: [Angrily] I'll show YOU where to sharpen your pencils!

04.06.032

Alice: It's better if you do it, Dur. That way when we want to stab her to death with them, we'll have a better chance of success. The pencil, as they say, is mightier and than the fjord.

04.06.033

Clint: Well, I'm convinced! But do we have time to be reading some moldy old books? There's freaky whack-job cultists out to kill Charlie's family!


;;; And on that note, off on holiday for a week!

04.06.034

Finley: [Appalled] There's always time for reading mouldy old books! And besides, knowledge is power. If we can understand exactly what these books say, we might get to the bottom of this. [Gives Alice a look] Speaking of which, you look different.

04.06.035

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Charlie: [Sharply] Shh! You know it isn't polite to draw attention to another's alarming weight gain! Remember what happened when Professor Hershey-Cadbury's Science and Stuff Funding and Stuff grant request was denied!

--e89a8fb2078ca644f504e22a5da2

04.06.036

Alice: Hey! It's not weight gain!

Austin: [Checks it out] Unless it's inflatable, Alice, I fear it may be.

Finley: You look like a hardy bunch of adventurers. [Gives a wistful look out the window] The underpants disaster notwithstanding, of course. Perhaps you should get the books?

04.06.037

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Charlie: Marvelous! Where can we find them?

--047d7b67239a9995d304e22d8b11

04.06.038

Dur: I bet HARMA has them! Those asshats are always hogging all the good stuff!

04.06.039

Finley: Indeed they do! They have an outpost here in Apraxia!

04.06.040

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Charlie: [Mortified] They have invaded my beloved Apraxia?! How dreadful! [Brightens] But at least we shall have access to these books now! [To Finley] Where is their outpost?

--089e012942aa59233d04e22e9a6f

04.06.041

Finley: They've turned the library into some sort of fortified building -- no one gets in!

Alice: Sounds like any library I've ever heard of! [Nudges Clint] Am I right?

04.06.042

Dur: Well if anyone can get us into an impenetrable library, it will be Apraxia's biggest geek! [Nudges Charlie] Am I right?

04.06.043

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Charlie: Oh, quite right! [Modestly] I am something of a legend in the library, with all sorts of access to the rarest and most valuable books. For example, [produces a key, with elaborate flourish] THIS opens the Special Collections Cabinet on the sixth floor! [To Dur, super-excited] It houses a rare copy of the Compendium of Cryptoichthyology!

--047d7b3a86f653dce804e2300d1f

04.06.044

ndium of Cryptoichthyology!

Dur: [Without any real enthusiasm] Errrr. Great!

04.06.045

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Charlie: [Dreamily] Isn't it?

Clint: [Looks at the key, unimpressed] I've got all the key we need right here! [Flexes his door-kicking foot impressively]

--20cf3079bcb649313f04e23e3812

04.06.046

Alice: The study of things that make you itchy? Ew! You're weird.

Austin: A more subtle approach is probably in order. Subtle, Mr. Scar. It means to approach something delicately. [Reassuringly] Just stay quiet and try not to break any doors until absolutely necessary.

04.06.047

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Clint: Quiet, eh? [To Alice, thoughtfully] If I punch him in the back of the neck, would it make less noise than if I punch him in the face?

--20cf307abe9f00c7a704e23eec2a

04.06.048

Alice: It depends on how pitched his girlish screams are.

Austin: [Looks at the two with disgust] I pity you. For those of you who don't know, a library is a place with books. [To Charlie] Does your key open the main door of the library?

04.06.049

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Charlie: [Patiently] No, it opens the Special Collections Cabinet on the sixth floor! [Produces another key dramatically] But THIS one [pauses and looks at the key] hmm, that one is for the postdoc lab . . . [checks another] this one is for Pestilence's [laughs awkwardly] . Right, no. I haven't a key for the library's main door, as it happens.

--047d7b3438da882d0a04e23f0a6c

04.06.050

it happens.

Dur: Then how do we get in? Is the library made out of stone by chance? If it is, I have just the spell for that!


;;; Were you two lonely this morning?

04.06.051

Finley: Stone, amongst other things!


;;; Waiting for you to entertain us!

04.06.052

Dur: Then I may be able to morph a whole in a side wall that we can get through!=20


;;; Well! Wait no longer!

04.06.054

Dur: Too much time around Charlie obviously! Before you know it you'll be shagging demons and birthing hellions bent on world domination! Best prep yo= u for emergency surgery once this is all over so I can remove any corrupting influences!


;;; Is that my three?

04.06.055

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Charlie: [To Alice, beaming] Oh, it WILL be great! [Dreamily] It's a magical, wondrous place.

--20cf307cfc40bc5c8704e24276e5

04.06.053

Alice: Great! Then let's go to the library, it'll be great! [Suddenly looks worried] Oh dear Lord. What is happening to me?

04.06.056

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Dur: [Confused] Is she talking about the surgery? Because none of my patients have ever told me it was great. But I think that may have just been the = shock from the missing limbs...

--_000_878FBCE00565194FB4E569C5F91B005948DD1EE040USASELEWIMM01_

04.06.057

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Charlie: [To Dur] Goodness, NO. I mean the library! [Gazing into the distance, starry-eyed] It's the place where dreams come true!

--047d7b67239a2e771504e2429232

04.06.058

Dur: [Looking concerned] Your dreams make me sad.

04.06.059

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Charlie: [To Dur, haughtily] And your lack of attention to personal hygiene makes my eyes burn!

Clint: [Starting to get annoyed] Screw this. I'm kicking the door in! [Heads for the library door]


;;; Save us, Conor! That's three, I think!

--e89a8fb2078cf88d3204e242b659

04.06.059

Alice: Not as sad as the idea of being impregnated by a demon. I can categorically state that I will never, ever, ever have a demon baby. Ever.

04.06.060

Finley: Don't forget! If you spot a pigeon with my underpants....

[Exit ALL.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming up!

04.07.001

[Book IX, Act IV, Scene VII. The Library. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT and DUR stand off to one side of a heavily fortified building, with many armed HARMA member patrolling it. The party have crept through the streets, staying out of sight.]

Alice: What are all the guards for? To stop librarians pulling people in?

04.07.002

Dur: Perhaps to protect the populace from the horror of reading?

04.07.003

Alice: I was once almost killed by a book.

04.07.004

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Charlie: [To Alice, scolding] Do stop insulting my dissertation! I know full well you never read it.

--20cf3079bcb651f3cd04e243cea8

04.07.005

Austin: They do say that a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. I'm sure you have a little, Alice.

Alice: Your dissertation was a book? I thought it was some sort of cake!

04.07.006

Dur: Oh! THAT dissertation?! It really WAS delicious. I've never had such ahearty meal as when I found a copy of Charlie's dissertation in the dumpst= er. We ate for months!

04.07.007

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Clint: Yeah, my copy was great, too. I didn't have to buy toilet paper for almost a year!

--047d7b6720389f69cd04e244a2fe

04.07.008

Austin: That doesn't explain why you haven't bought any for the past three years, Mr. Scar.

04.07.009

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Clint: [To Austin, with a shrug] Didn't need to. I just used your socks before that. [To Alice] They were soft and everything, but not really that absorbent.

--e89a8fb2078c0dade704e253959c

04.07.010

Alice: [Gives a shiver] Please don't talk to me about this sort of thing.

04.07.011

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Charlie: Indeed, let us enter the library at once!

--bcaec548aadfa1c54b04e254cf12

04.07.012

Alice: Come on, Dur! Get us in!

04.07.013

Dur: In where? Oh right! [Moves to the side of the library and attempts to cast STONE SHAPE to create a whole in the wall]


;;; Sorry, been in meetings all morning

04.07.014

[The wall separates, surprisingly quietly, revealing a man sitting on a toilet reading a newspaper. This is THOMAS CREEPER. He looks a little annoyed.]

Thomas: Occupied!

04.07.015

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Charlie: [Embarrassed] Oh, indeed! We shall be on our way at once! [Tries to enter the library through the bathroom door]

--001a11c2500436885e04e267cb1e

04.07.016

Thomas: Hey! Wait a minute! [Blocks the way with his leg] What's going on here?

Austin: You appear to be reading pornography in the library bathroom.

Thomas: I'm not reading it, I'm just looking at the pictures!

04.07.017

Dur: By all means, please continue! Don't let us bother you. [Tries to enter again.] =20


;;; Is he wearing a uniform or anything?

04.07.018

Thomas: [Stands up, showing that he is wearing a security guard uniform] Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?

Alice: Wishing that you'd pull up your pants!

04.07.019

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Clint: [Pointing back toward the way the party came into the bathroom] WOAH! Look at the rack on that broad!


;;; Clint will try to (quietly!) subdue Thomas while he's distracted.

--bcaec548aadf931d0304e26a6b6d

04.07.020

Dur: [Tries to cast Bear's Strength on Clint to give him an edge against Thomas] Get him Clint! But save the Porno mag! It's the only good book in thi= s place!

04.07.021

Alice: Look, Clint! I don't know why they're suddenly bigger!

Thomas: [Excited] Where? Where?

[CLINT grabs THOMAS and shoves his head down the toilet.]

Thomas: Glub!

04.07.022

Dur: We should steal his uniform! One of us can disguise ourselves as security and the rest can pose as prisoners!

04.07.023

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Clint: [To Dur, clearly enjoying himself] Good idea, Doc! Wait until he passes out, and you can strip him and wipe off the crap. [To Austin and Charlie, smugly] Guess we know who the real brains around here, huh?!

--20cf307abe9fb104d704e26ab56b

04.07.024

Charlie, smugly] Guess we know who the real brains around >here, huh?!

Dur: I guess the library really CAN be fun!

04.07.025

Austin: [Flicking through the porn mag] Can you please stop torturing that poor unfortunate? You do realise that there is a huge hole here?

Alice: [Checks out Thomas] He's not that big, Aus.

Austin: [Glances behind Alice] The hole in the back that we just came in through.

Alice: Coming in through a back hole in a bathroom, eh? Familiar ground, Aus?

Austin: Congratulations Alice. You are now almost as disgusting as Mr. Scar.

04.08.013

Thatch: Ha-ha-HA! There is no JFWC2/A! Nor is there any interoffice mail any more, since HARMA took over. There was an interoffice mail about it.

04.08.012

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Charlie: [To Thatch] Ha-HA! You obviously did not get the memo about form JFWC2/B! You had better check your interoffice mail at once.

--047d7b3435f68d661e04e2dfb9f8

04.07.056

Clint: Good! Then you can clean up in here! [Heads for the bathroom door.]


;;; Also, hi everybody! July/August is vacation time. Who knew?

04.07.055

Voice: Yes I am!

04.08.011

Hatch: Ha! There is no form JFWC2! It's now a JFWC2/A!

04.07.047

Alice: So what's the plan? Stinky is a guard who's captured us and is bringing us to the library to make us read books as a punishment?

04.07.070

[CHARLIE pulls the door open to reveal naked man on the floor.]


;;; End of scene!

04.08.005

Dur: [Hurriedly] Which explains why we're all in the stall together. Mostly. [Closes the door to hide the unconscious guard]

04.07.029

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Clint: [Releases Thomas. To Dur] OK, Doc--strip him!


;;; Who is closest in size to Thomas?

--e89a8fb2078c7e347104e2a54a15

04.07.052

Clint: Well, hurry up and get a plunger and a mop!


;;; So, the blogger is on the email list but doesn't seem to have updated

;;; since Thursday or so? Or maybe it's just me? Am finally caught up!

04.08.007

Clint: It beats junk like falling backwards into each other's arms, right? Let's go, guys! [Tries to push past Thatcher into the library proper.]

04.07.068

Alice: Dur! What the hell is wrong with you? [Thinks] Actually, what does it taste like Charlie?

[Boom! CLINT kicks open the door, and hits someone on the other side.]

04.08.009

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Charlie: [To Clint] Probably in one of your pockets, one assumes?

--089e013cbb36ec023a04e2d16f4b

04.08.002

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Charlie: [To Thatch] Oh, dear! Are you quite all right? How ever did you get inside the library so quickly?!

--047d7b3a86f643692304e2ceffaa

04.07.032

Alice: If you're referring to the time you disturbed me in the shower, Dur, then please don't.


;;; Dom is still out?

Austin: Surely if Dur disturbed you in the shower, Alice, it would have been you who was naked, wouldn't it?

Alice: Yes, I can see how you might think that.

04.07.058

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Charlie: [Excited] Oh, and I shall be the keynote speaker!

--047d7b3435f6be489804e2bbfacc

04.07.050

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Clint: [Quickly pulls on the uniform] Yeah, but I had the Day Old Breakfast Burrito Special on the way in, and it is NOT pretty in here! Give me a sec!

--089e0158b1548fe82004e2b89958

04.07.048

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Charlie: [To Alice, pondering] Yes, I see the problem, now that you mention it. Reading books could never be considered a punishment. Let's think--well, there is also a lot of pleasure in organizing books, I'm afraid! [Inspired] Perhaps we are here to DUST books?

--047d7b3a86f617385804e2b838a4

04.07.035

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Clint: [Casually strips down and takes the uniform from Dur] Pipe down, prisoners! Start looking beaten down so we can sell this thing to HARMA.


;;; Tom, are you back? I'll stop posting for Clint with this.

--047d7b67239a36168e04e2a7640d

04.07.056

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Charlie: [Attempting a lame Clint impression] You there! Do you want me to report you to Joe Nunpar?! Now get that mop at once!

--001a11c1dfbc317a3e04e2bb2a59

04.08.009

Dur: Where is yours?=20

04.07.057

Alice: Wait a minute! How do explain how so many of us got in here in the first place?

Austin: Janitorial conference.


;;; There's a new address in the distribution list, this will help you

;;; Facebook geeks keep up with the game more easily!

04.07.060

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Charlie: [Modestly] Oh, hardly! That would most likely be Professor Di O'Rhea. [Excited] Though I am the foremost expert on half-demon excrement!

--047d7b67203837210704e2bc8345

04.07.033

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Austin : It makes it much simpler to wash, if you are naked. You could save yourself a lot of trouble.


;;;; around today and Wed, this week and around Tuesday thursday Friday

next week, back to normal after that!

--f46d04428896f3ac5f04e2a7394d

04.08.001

[Book IX, Act IV, Scene VIII. The Bathroom. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, and DUR stand around a naked man, THATCHER "THATCH" FLETCHER.]

Thatch: Ow! Parts conc!

<P><a href=http://www.queens-view.com/wiki/index.php/Thatcher_Hatcher>Thatcher Hatcher</A>


;;; Looks like there's a problem with Thatch's page! I'll sort it out

soon, but he looks

;;; like a nerdy version of Fletch

04.08.008

Thatch: [Blocks Clint] Parts Bell! If you really worked here, I'd know you. Where's your Form JFWC2?

04.07.039

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjMzgNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFtGcm93bmluZyBhdCB0aGUgdGhpbmddIEkg dGhpbmsgaXQgaXMganVzdCBhIGxvb3NlIHRocmVhZCBmcm9tIHRoZSBndWFyZHMgdHJvdXNlci4N Cg0KRHVyOiBUaGVuIEkgZGFyZSB5b3UgdG8gdHVnIG9uIGl0IQ0KDQoNCg

04.07.054

Dur: I still don't think he's gone!


;;; By the way, I'll be out all week next week! VEGAS!

04.07.030


;;; We better make it Clint!

Alice: Oh god. Does this mean we're going to have to see Dur naked?

04.07.031

Dur: [Stripping Thomas] You mean, 'Does this mean we're going to have to see Dur naked AGAIN?' don't you?

04.08.004

Clint: I work here! These guys are colleagues from the international conference of sanitation engineers.

04.07.063

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Charlie: Do be serious! I said HALF-demon. It's all very wholesome. [Brightly] Pestilence has been collecting and storing Will's stool samples for a long-term study I have been conducting.

--089e013cbb36fa29de04e2bc9a6b

04.07.034

Alice: True, but then you have to deal with the likes of Dur coming in to look at you!

04.07.036

Dur: Tell that to Alice's inflating chest and ass!

04.07.061

Alice: I thought it was Dr. Con Tsipation?

Clint: [Shrugs] It should have been, but he kept everything to himself.

04.07.059

Austin: You are the world's foremost expert on excrement, after all.

04.08.010

Clint: I've got it in here somewhere... [Starts feeling around in his pockets, taking the opportunity to curl his other hand into a fist in case he needs a different form of authorization.]

04.07.062

Dur: PLEASE CHARLIE! We don't need to delve to deeply into you and Pestilence's fetishes. Once heard some things can never be unheard....

04.07.064

Alice: [Shudders as she looks at Dur] Please don't ask. Please. Please. For the love for GOD, don't ask.

04.07.051

Voice: Uh, okay.

[Sound of person walking away.]

Alice: [Whispers] Do you think he's gone?

Voice: No, I'm still here.

04.07.067

Dur: Mmmhmmm.. [To Charlie] That's all well and academic, but what does it TASTE like?

04.07.049

[A voice comes from outside the toilet.]

Voice: Is everything okay in there?

04.08.003

Thatch: I work here! What are you guys doing?

04.07.037

Alice: [Shielding her eyes from Clint's nakedness] No! Keep your nakeditity away from me! And don't you dare threaten us with your [move her hand to do a finger quotes] love truncheon, or love string, or whatever the hell that thing is!

04.07.040

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Austin : Surely that would be a job for a professional.

--089e01228946831cde04e2a80889

04.07.066

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Charlie: [Thrilled] I'm SO glad you asked! It's a study to compare the volatile sulfur compounds in human, half-demon, and demon excrement!

--047d7b6720381d7a4104e2bcf663

04.07.067

Clint: Doc, change the topic! [Applies his boot to the door, hoping to kick it into the person on the other side.]

04.07.042

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Austin : [Considers this] Indeed. I may know a very good tailor that covers both professions. However, he is rather expensive, and very very annoying.

--f46d043be030eb339304e2a884bc

04.07.027

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Charlie: [Wrinkling her nose in disgust] That is quite enough of THAT. [Brightly] Now, let us go and enjoy the library!

--047d7b3a86f6b48b5304e2a4066c

04.07.026

Alice: [Smiles] Aw! Thanks Aus! That's so nice!

04.08.014

Dur: [Aggravated. To Clint] Perhaps you ought to show him our authorizationform that you keep on the underside of your boot.=20

04.07.066

Alice: [Relieved] Phew! I thought you were going to ask what they tasted like.

Austin: [Disgusted] Alice! What is wrong with you?

04.08.006

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Charlie: Quite right! We are here to dust the books, as part of a team-building exercise.

--047d7b3435f66f81fe04e2d0383f

04.07.065

Dur: You mean don't ask what the study is for?

04.07.043

Alice: Oh, God. Peter Deadpan, is it?

04.07.038

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Austin : [Frowning at the thing] I think it is just a loose thread from the guards trouser.

--f46d044287ee37702104e2a7eae1

04.07.069

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Charlie: [Startled] Oh! [Observes the wreckage] Nicely managed, Mr. Scar, though we better move quickly before HARMA descends on us! [Peeks outside the door]

--20cf3079bcb629bbc104e2cb4263

04.08.015

Alice: What I want to know is why there's a naked librarian who look just like Fletch!

04.07.041

Alice: [Observes from a safe distance] Agreed. However, the question is, Austin, a professional what?

04.07.028

Alice: And that's quite enough of THAT!

[THOMAS is now unconscious.]

04.08.016

Dur: What are you asking me for? Ask this guy! [To Thatch] Say, why do you looks totes like Fletch. And why are you totes naked?

04.08.017

Thatch: We're parts bro!

Alice: What about why you're naked?

Thatch: I like to show off my enormous penis.

04.08.018

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Charlie: [Takes a quick peek at Thatch's penis and giggles] I have seen bigger!

--089e012942aaecc9fd04e2e35095

04.07.046

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Charlie: [Impatiently] Oh, DO stop arguing about this, and let us hurry! We are bound to be detected if we keep dilly-dallying!

--089e0158b154a7101d04e2b6b3cc

04.08.019

Clint: Like on him, for example? [Points over Thatch's shoulder, with every intent of putting the boot in if Thatch falls for it.]

04.07.044

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Charlie: [Shudders] Let's not talk about HIM. That's an even more unpleasant topic than Mr. Scar's undersized genitals!

Clint: [Shrugs] What do you people know? All you've ever seen are [gestures at Austin] other fruits, [gestures at Charlie] demons, [gestures at Alice] geeks, [gestures at Dur] and dead guys! Not one of you has seen a real man. [Does a classy hip thrust for emphasis]

--047d7b3438da30797a04e2a89399

04.08.020

Thatch: [Glances around] Who?

[Squelch. THATCH goes down.]

04.08.021

Clint: Authorize *that*!

04.07.053

Voice: Oh, okay.

[Sound of person walking away.]


;;; Definitely not you! Thanks for letting us know -- and welcome back!

04.07.045

Alice: So by that reckoning, Stinky, you're not a real man either, right?

04.08.022

Thatch: I can't.... No... Form... JFWC2....

04.08.023

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Charlie: [Fretting] Oh, dear! I haven't seen this kind of violence in the library since Pestilence volunteered to read stories to children after school! [To Clint, urgently] Hurry, gag him and tie him up, and let us leave before we draw more attention to ourselves.

--bcaec5196d0bbbee9104e2e59b59

04.08.024

Clint: [Bops Thatch on the head and shoots Charlie an aggrieved look.] I think you have me confused for someone who keeps handcuffs and a ball gag in his backpack! [Tries to improvise something out of his rope belt and a couple of moth-eaten socks.]

04.08.025


;;; Dom is still out?

Austin: [Taking some handcuffs and a ball gag out of his backpack] Really, Mr. Scar? Really?

Alice: [Also taking some handcuffs (lined with some sort of revolting pink fluffy stuff) and ball gag out of her backpack] Ah, the Job 4000 model, interesting choice, Austin.

Austin: [Observes Alice's] Indeed. I see you prefer the comfort and girlishness of the Ryan 6000, but I prefer security over style in my restraints.

04.08.026

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Charlie: [Primly] I do not think stylishness matters in this particular case, but haste is paramount! Hurry, let us hide him in the bathroom stall and get to the library.

--047d7b3438da03f64b04e2f334da

04.08.027

Alice: Don't we want to ask him if he knows Fletch? What happens if he knows Fletch? He might help us if he knows Fletch.

04.08.028

Dur: The question is do we want his help?

04.08.029

Clint: At this point, I don't think it matters! [Flexes his door-kicking foot.] Unless he's into that sort of thing, anyway.

04.08.030

Alice: Yeah, because it would be super weird to get a kick out of being handcuffed, gagged and having your head pushed down the toilet!

04.08.031

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Charlie: Oh, not at all! Many men, particularly powerful ones, enjoy such humiliations. [To Clint, helpfully] The women who administer them are called dominatrixes [hesitates and muses] --or would it be dominatrices?

--089e012942aa989ea804e2f7f1a7

04.08.032

Clint: And the men who enjoy them are called freaks! Anyway, if you want to talk to him, Chuck, he's not going anywhere.

04.08.033

Thatch: [Slowly starts to wake up] What the hell? Parts head!

04.08.034

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Charlie: [Quickly] Do be quiet, and tell us how you know Fletcher Hatcher at once. Otherwise, Mr. Scar shall be forced to give you a [finger quotes] swirly!

--e89a8fb2078cc20a7704e2f89827

04.08.035

Thatcher: Mm! I love ice cream!

04.08.036

Clint: What she means is, talk or I'll flush you down the toilet!

04.08.037

Thatch: Oh, what's way less nice than ice cream. Fletch is my brother. Not just my brother, but my best friend. In fact, as he often says, we're totes besties.

04.08.038

s besties.

Dur: [To the group] I thought we were his totes besties?


;;; Just as a reminder, I will be out all week next week. Take good care ofDur Conor!

04.08.038

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Austin : [Frisks Thatch looking for keys etc] How nice for you.


;;;; totes back Wednesday next

--f46d043be030d177f104e2f9372f

04.08.039

Alice: [Watching Austin searching the naked Thatch] Er, where exactly do you think he's hiding stuff, Aus?

04.08.040

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Austin : Really Alice! A woman of your age should know such things by now.

--001a11c23e68e5ae1004e2f95ff5

04.08.041

Alice: In the toilet cistern?

04.08.042

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Austin : Not really for what I was looking for, but certainly worth checking [Austin checks the cistern for cheese and related foreign objects]


;;;; awa t pub

--f46d043be0300f0c2404e2f96d4e

04.08.043

[AUSTIN fishes out a number of bottles of whiskey and a not inconsiderable cheese stash, carefully wrapped in a baggie.]

Thatch: Aw, come on! I've had to put them there since HARMA and that mean bitch that they have in charge of The Books took over! That's all I have!

04.08.044

Clint: Eh, leave him his stash, lawyer. Your girlfriend can always confiscate it later. I bet she'll get a kick out of it, too!

04.08.045

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Charlie: [To Thatch] Could you get the horrible woman here, so that we could talk to her? If so, we could reunite you with Fletch!

--047d7b67239ae0ca7704e2f99395

04.08.046

Alice: Wait a minute -- that horrible woman, is it Harmelia?

Austin: [Sniffs] You know full well, her name is Amelia.

Thatch: That's her! She is the one who ordered all the books destroyed!

04.08.047

Clint: [Shrugs.] That sounds like her alright. Any time someone talks about a horrible woman, I think we all know who they mean!

04.08.048

Alice: Yeah. Everyone knows who they mean. [Thinks for a moment] Is it Charlie?

04.08.049

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Charlie: [Offended] I should say NOT. Do you really think I would be capable of destroying books?!

--089e0153834608b17504e2f9f059

04.08.050

Alice: I never said that you would destroy books! I just said that you might be horrible!

04.08.051

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Austin : And that is the truth of it.


;;;; away today and Wed, in the other days

--f46d044288968809d804e331a2d9

04.08.052

[Enter CHOCO LATAY, looking in the hole in the wall.]

Choco: Hey! What's going on here?

[Enter from the cubicle door, BARRY GOODBAR, along with half a dozen other HARMA officers.]

Barry: We weren't going to use the toilet cubicle for an orgy!

Choco: What?

Barry: I mean, we've caught the most wanted!


;;; And there we shall pause until August 27th

04.08.052

[Book IX, Act IV, Scene IX. A Cell. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and JORDAN are here. All but JORDAN have been dragged from the toilets, and unceremoniously dumped in. JORDAN was already here, unconscious, clearly having been banged over the head. Several rough, and strangely aroused HARMA officers, lead by CHOCO LATAY, were responsible for throwing them in.]

Alice: Hey! Don't you know who were are?

Choco: Sure. You're a bunch of degenerate wasters who's very existence threatens the way of life of HARMA.

Alice: That could be anyone! [To the party] Come on! Surely we can reason with these losers! [To Choco] Er, no offence.

04.09.002

Clint: Who're you calling degenerate? [Gestures at little Choco.] Walking around in your state. You guys should be ashamed!

04.09.003

Austin : Indeed, we came here to read books, where as you came here for an orgy. Perhaps you should look up the definition of degenerate. If you can read.

04.09.004

Choco: I didn't go there for an orgy! That was the others!

Alice: Then why were you there?

Choco: To masturbate.

04.09.005

Austin : And is this an officially scheduled HARMA activity?

04.09.005

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Charlie: Indeed, that sounds rather more fun than the typical HARMA meeting! [Flushed] Not for me, but for degenerates!

--20cf307ca3a8deb90a04e500e1a1

04.09.006

Choco: Look! This isn't about me and puppies! It's about you disturbing a book burning!

04.09.007

Dur: That's not it at all! We're here to HELP burn some books. This must all be some silly misunderstanding!

04.09.008

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Charlie: [Pained] Er, yes, we love to [with difficulty, getting choked up] burn books. [Points to Dur] My colleague enjoys roasting [finger quotes] weenies over a book fire.

--047d7b3a7ef256a78d04e501bfeb

04.09.009

Austin : Charlie here is our chief book burner, she loves burning books even more than orgies.

04.09.010

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjOQ0KDQo+QXVzdGluIDogQ2hhcmxpZSBoZXJlIGlzIG91ciBjaGllZiBi b29rIGJ1cm5lciwgc2hlIGxvdmVzIGJ1cm5pbmcgYm9va3MgZXZlbiBtb3JlIHRoYW4gb3JnaWVz Lg0KDQpEdXI6IFdvdyEgU2hlIG11c3QgbG92ZSBidXJuaW5nIGJvb2tzIHRoZW4hIA0K

04.09.011

Clint: [Nods.] Well, that's cleared up then. [To Choco] You can let us go while you get back to, uh, holding your own.

04.09.012

Last from Tom

On Aug 28, 2013, at 9:54, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> wrote:

Choco: Why Would she burn orgies?

04.09.013

Austin : Good question, [To Charlie] Do you have a short answer to that, or should we let him get on with his masturbation, short or othwerwise?

04.09.014

Choco: Seeing as you scumbags enjoy burning books so much, I think just for that you won't be allowed see them! Close the curtains in your cell immediately!

04.09.015

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Charlie: [Haughtily] How dare you dampen our enthusiasm for conducting HARMA business! We are trying to make the people of the realms more ignorant and more easily manipulated, in keeping with HARMA's aims!

--001a113375768e2e1004e50363cc

04.09.016

Clint: I don't think he gives a toss about HARMA's aims. [Shakes his head.] It'll look bad in our report, though!

04.09.016

Barry: [To Choco] They certainly sound like they're on our side. And they were hanging around the men's toilets.

Choco: Oh for crying out loud! They are on the most wanted list! Stop being such an idiot!

[Exit the HARMA officers, leaving the party alone, but locked in the cell.]

Alice: Those bastards! Just for that, I'm not going close the curtains!

04.09.017

Clint: Doc, I don't suppose you can get us out of here? [Flexes his door-kicking foot, just in case.]

04.09.018

Alice: [Jumps back from Clint's foot flexing] Jeez, Stinky! You don't have the threaten him!

04.09.019

Clint: Eh, a little extra motivation never hurts...

04.09.020

Alice: True, and if they really are going to burn The Books, we might never find out if the world is going to end or not!

04.09.021

Austin : Isn't that a good thing?

04.09.022

Alice: Of course not! Imagine how embarrassed we'd be if the world ended and we didn't even know!

04.09.023

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Charlie: Oh, we MUST see those books! Quickly, can anyone see a way to escape this cell? [Examines the cell for weaknesses]

--001a113397064e3e5604e5154b32

04.09.024

Austin : [Tries to pick the lock] Perhaps Mr Dur can cast another spell?

04.09.025

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjMjQNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IFtUcmllcyB0byBwaWNrIHRoZSBsb2NrXSBQ ZXJoYXBzIE1yIER1ciBjYW4gY2FzdCBhbm90aGVyIHNwZWxsPw0KDQpEdXI6ICdPb29oaGggRG9j dG9yIHNhdmUgdXMhJyBbR3J1bWJsaW5nIGxpa2UgYSBncnVtcHkgb2xkIG1hbiBhcyBoZSB0cmll cyB0byBjYXN0IFNUT05FIFNIQVBFIChpZiB0aGVyZSBpcyBzdG9uZSB0byBjYXN0IGl0IG9uKSB0 byBmb3JtIGEgaG9sZSB0aGV5IGNhbiBlc2NhcGUgZnJvbS5dDQo

04.09.026

[Unfortunately, the cell is completely metal. Enter FLETCH and THATCH.]

Fletch: No! Are these the guys?

Thatch: Parts! Not all of them were involved.

04.09.027

Dur: Hey Fletch, totes help us out man! And you [To Thatch] Come back for asecond ass kicking?

04.09.028

Fletch: Dude! He's totes my brother!

Thatch: Well, parts. Half brothers.

Fletch: No, Thatch. Totes.

[They hug.]

04.09.029

Dur: [Looking bored] I'm sorry? Did you say brothers? Or LOVERS? GET US OUTOF HERE FLETCH!=20

04.09.030

Fletch: Totes both!


;;; Heather is afk

Charlie: Mr Dur! Please do stop being threatening. You're embarrassing yourself!

04.09.031

Clint: You say that like it's not something he does every day anyway! [To Fletch and Thatch.] Thanks for the assist. [To the party.] Let's go! [Heads for the exit.]


;;; I assume Fletch and Thatch aren't just locked in with us, anyway!

04.09.032

Charlie: True, Mr. Scar, but a threat should not be laughable.

[FLETCH and THATCH remain in their positions, and the party are still locked in.]

Fletch: What's the scoop with the flush?


;;; Correct, but they also didn't let us free!

04.09.033

Clint: [Shrugs.] It's a thing a man does once he's finished doing his business. Why?

04.09.034

Fletch: Guys! You shoved his head down the toilet! Why should we let you out?

Thatch: Parts!

04.09.035

Clint: [Airily.] Oh, that! That was all just a big misunderstanding. No hard feelings!


;;; That's my three, I think.

04.09.036

Dur: Yeah! No Offense meant! Right? Now let us out!

04.09.037

Fletch: [Delighted] Then we're totes cool! Right, Thatch?

Thatch: Parts cool. [Unlocks the cell]

04.09.038

Dur: Parts Totes! Or whatever. Now we need to stop that book burning!

04.09.039

Charlie: Correct! We must stop it at once!

Fletch: [Points out a window] Totes late!

04.09.040

Clint: Those freaks had a book burning and they started without me?! [Looks out the window.]

04.09.041

[Alas, it is so, poor CLINT has missed the burning. There is a huge pile of what are clearly very old books, along with a bunch of more modern ones, and even some magazines. Many HARMA officers stand around watching, along with JOE NUNPAR and AMELIA, who does not look happy.]

Charlie: [Shocked] Oh no! How could they do this? Those books are priceless! They hold the answers to everything! The world could be destroyed!

Alice: And look! They're burning copies of Ass Fancier's Weekly!

04.09.042

Austin : Where you in that edition? [Looks around for a large source of water that may be used to dowse the flames]


;;; out tomorrow morning

04.09.043

Clint: If we're going to save those books... I say we find a way of putting out the fire and then some of us can try to lead those HARMA freaks away from the books while the rest of us rescue them!

04.09.044

[The books are burning brightly, and AMELIA dumps some fuel on the flames, causing them to flare up even more.]

Alice: What the hell? I thought she was supposed to be one of the good guys! Or at least, not entirely awful!

04.09.045

Austin : I am sure she has a plan. She may have no more choice than us.


;;; busy morning

04.09.046

Joe: Now let's get the Queens View Party and add them to the flames!

Amelia: No! Let's burn the whole library down around them!

Alice: [To the party] Yeesh! That's her plan?

04.09.047

Austin : It's probably a very cunning plan.

04.09.048

Alice: So far I'm not impressed.

Fletch: Totes! Those HARMA girls are idiots. One of them gave me the key to your cell for safe keeping while the rest of them were at the book burning! I mean, seriously? Me?

04.09.048

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjNDcNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IEl0J3MgcHJvYmFibHkgYSB2ZXJ5IGN1bm5p bmcgcGxhbi4NCg0KPiBEdXI6IFBlcmhhcHMgd2Ugc2hvdWxkIGhhc3RlbiBvdXIgb3duIHBsYW4g dG8gdGhlICJydW4gdGhlIGhlbGwgYXdheSIgcGhhc2U/DQo

04.09.049

Dur: Perhaps we should hasten our own plan to the "run the hell away" phase?

Alice: I didn't even know we had a plan! No wonder things are always going wrong! Why wasn't I told about this plan? Austin, did you know about the plan?

04.09.049

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Charlie: [Nods emphatically] Precisely what I have been saying for YEARS! [Flips out a notepad] Now, let us make a plan! Who has a suggestion for a name for our mission? It should be something noble and vaguely evocative of the aims of the plan itself.

--001a113378d88ffe5404e52a4b07

04.09.050

Austin : How about "Run or Die". [Legs it if he can]

04.09.051

Alice: But where are we going to go?

[The HARMA officers start throwing burning books at the library, along with cans of petrol, such is their zeal.]

Joe: No! You fools!

[Too late. The library burns faster than a wooden building full of books that have been soaked in gasoline.]

Alice: What will we do? It's too high to jump!

04.09.052

Austin : Is there no sprinkler system? [Looks around for a fire alarm] Call health and safety!

04.09.053

Alice: Definitely! [Looks out] Oh no! The direct phone line to Health and Safety is outside the library! On that rickety bridge! That you have to cross holding a dangerously heavy box!

04.09.054

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Charlie: [Devastated] Those MONSTERS! How could they? [Points at Joe] Look, Nunpar does not want this, either! Perhaps he would help us save the library?!

--e89a8f234635c7f13a04e57907d2

04.09.055

Austin : [Incredulously] Save the library indeed! How about saving me! Don't you ever think of anyone else?

04.09.055

Alice: Good point Aus! [Pokes her head out the window and shouts] Hey! We're all up here! Austin is here! He'll be burned to death!

[ALICE comes back in with a flaming arrow in her hat.]

Alice: They don't seem too concerned.

04.09.057

Austin : Obviously they didn't recognise me. We should find a way out. [Looks for a fire exit]

04.09.058

TGFzdCBmcm9tIERvbSAjNTcNCg0KPkF1c3RpbiA6IE9idmlvdXNseSB0aGV5IGRpZG4ndCByZWNv Z25pc2UgbWUuIFdlIHNob3VsZCBmaW5kIGEgd2F5IG91dC4gW0xvb2tzIGZvciBhIGZpcmUgZXhp dF0NCg0KRHVyOiBXaHkgZG9uJ3Qgd2UganVzdCBtYWtlIG91ciBvd24/ISBbSWYgdGhleSBhcmUg b24gYSBuIG91dHNpZGUgd2FsbCBtYWRlIG9mIHN0b25lLCBEdXIgd2lsbCB0cnkgdG8gY2FzdCBT VE9ORSBTSEFQRSB0byBtYWtlIGFuIGV4aXQuIElmIG5vdCwgaGUgd2lsbCB0cnkgdG8gY2FzdCBT VU1NT04gTU9OU1RFUiBJSUkgYW5kIHRyeSB0byBjYWxsIGFuIE91dHNpZGVyIHRvIHNtYXNoIHRo ZWlyIHdheSBvdXQgZm9yIGhpbS5dDQo

04.09.059

[No fire exits, but DUR's spell does appear to open the wall. The party move towards it, but are very high up, and the hail of arrows from the HARMA officers below sends them scrambling back for cover.]

Alice: Did anyone else notice that there was a huge shadow over the building? Could there be something on the roof?

04.09.060

Austin : Probably a huge cloud of smoke! [Nervously looks around]

04.09.063

Alice: Look, we can't go down because of the fire, and we can't go sideways because of HARMA. Should we go up and slay the nerdy dragon?

04.09.065

Clint: No. Let's go ask the dragon for a lift! Follow me! [Pauses.] How do we get to the roof?

04.09.062

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Charlie: [Peers up at the shadow] Oh, what is it?! [Hopefully] A water-breathing book-loving dragon?

--20cf307ca3a852210c04e57b42d2

04.09.064

Dur: [Shivers at the thought of water] Do we have any other choice?

04.09.061

Alice: Stop panicking! Stop panicking!

04.09.067

Clint: [Heads up the stairs.] Like I said, Bimbo, let's ask him for a lift first! [Shakes his head.] It's gonna be real embarrassing when we get to the top and there's no water-breathing dragon geek!

04.09.068

Alice: He's not a geek, he's a nerd!

[The party get to the highest level that the stairs lead to, which end with a door with a sign that reads "Roof Level. No fornicating past this point."]

Alice: I guess we'll just have to fornicate here. [Pause] What does fornicate mean?

04.09.069

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Charlie: [Wearily] It's what you and Deuce were attempting when you took all of those dreadful photos you sent to me by accident. Remember? [Shudders] I thought it was some sort of peculiar pictorial series on the effects of the common cold, but no.

--089e013a274635365404e57c43e1

04.09.065

Alice: [To Clint] Up the stairs, maybe? Come on! Let's kill this dragon! [Starts heading up the stairs, but stops] Actually, maybe we should make friends with him, have him fly us to safety and THEN kill him!

04.09.070

Clint: [Shudders.] I don't want to know! [Kicks open the door to the roof.]

04.09.071

Alice: That wasn't by accident!

[The door smashes open and the party race out onto the roof.]

Alice: Holy crap! What the hell is that?


;;; End of Book IX, Act IV. Next ones starts tomorrow!!

04.09.070

Austin : [To Alice] It's just a geeky word for sexual activities, but we probably don't have time. [Tries to get out onto the roof]