[Book VIII, Act XII, Scene I. Harvey's House in Queens View. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN are here, sitting around the kitchen table looking at the potion,]

Alice: I sure wish I could be there when Joe Nunpar drinks the fake one!


Harvey: Indeed, my dear, but we must keep the real one safe, what? Speaking of which... [Reaches for the potion] I'll just take for safekeeping.


Charlie: [Tries to snatch the potion first] Do be serious! It is MY flask, after all.


Alice: [Also reaches for it] I think you two have demonstrate that clearly I'm the one who should hold it, because of my [mumble mumble]

[The three hands slowly converge on the potion.]


Charlie: [Holding firm, appealing to the party] Now, honestly, who would you rather held onto this very important, irreplaceable potion?! Me? Or someone who might drink it in a haze of dementia, thinking it to be some sort of broth [nods subtly at Harvey] ? Or perhaps someone who might mistake it for some sort of deep treatment product for badly damaged, over-processed hair?! [nods subtly at Alice]


Harvey: I thought you *were* someone who might drink it in a haze of dementia, what?


Austin : Oh grow up! You are all behaving like children. The colonel is in charge so clearly he should carry the potion! [Watches the three of them closely]


Austin : [Disgusted] What a ridiculous slight! Charlie was clearly refering to you! Can you not do better than that, colonel, you are our leader after all?


Alice: [To Charlie] Oh please! Everyone knows yours is the hair in need of treatment!


Alice: Austin's right. It should be ME who hold it!


Austin : [Chuckles] Treatment! That is a rather kind word. I would have thought 'gardening' might be more appropriate!


Harvey: By the saints! Well, clearly we can't just argue over it all day long, can we? As the senior commanding officer, I shall take possession of the potion, what?


Sebastian: [Eyes them all suspiciously] I think I should keep the potion safe. It is a magical potion so it only makes sense that the magically inclined member of the group keep it safe. I also think we should give strong thought to our next actions. Do we go ahead and give it to Phili? Or perhaps overthrow HARMA? Or we could in fact rob the rest of the train, even though we are sitting at the kitchen table.

;;; WHICH kitchen table are we sitting at? Is there one on the train?

Are we in one of our homes?


Harvey: Well said, Private! I say, I'm probably the most magically inclined member of thr group, what? After all, there was all that business when I tried to kill -- sorry, *strangle* -- that waiter, eh? And that was rather magical, wasn't it?

;;; We're at Harvey's house, I think.


Sebastian: You are missing the point Colonel [reaches for the potion] I will be the one to hold on to the potion.

;;; Yeah I just read over post #1 again and we are


Charlie: [Makes another grab for the potion] You are BOTH missing the point! That potion is MINE! [Quickly] To keep safe and guard, not selfishly use for my own purposes!


Alice: [Snatches the potion] Yoink! Look! You people are all acting weird! Maybe I should look after it, seeing as how I'm the least crazy and careless of all of you. [Looks around] Where the hell is it? [Puts it back on the table] Er, actually, let's leave it here in front of all of us while we decide what we'll do with it.

;;; Just a heads up. Something weird may happen at 4.30 (GMT) today.

I'll send a post

;;; at about 4.15 to warn people and, if you want to react to it,

whoever's post is sent at

;;; the closest time to 4.30 (either before OR after) has first say.

If you don't want to

;;; react to it, that's fine, and maybe nobody will.


;;; Yes, it's all very cryptic!


Sebastian: I would not use it for selfish purposes! [Practically diving for the potion] You can't be trusted! You and Harvey are always too busy fighting over who is the leader out of you both to be able to concentrate on keeping the potion safe!


Harvey: [To Sebastian, in his best booming, commanding voice] Privateyouwillsitdownand BE SILENT! [Quieter, straightening his jacket] Now, in the interests of diplomacy and unit cohesion, we may indulge Private Parker-Kensington's need for needless bureaucracy for a time and discuss the matter, and then conclude that I am in fact the ideal person to hold the potion, what? [Tries to glare at the troop, but ends up looking like he has something in his eye] Is that understood?


Alice: [Quietly] Understood!


Dur: You all have issues! [Looks at the potion] You do realize that it was in my pants right? Right next to my....

;;; Any guesses?!


Alice: What? Next to your what?

;;; Out for about 1-1.5 hours!


Charlie: [Shuddering] Not that awful egg salad sandwich you have been saving, I hope?! [Nervously] That WAS an egg salad sandwich, right?


Dur: [Whips out the sandwich] Sure was! Hut like I was saying, YOU people have problems. [Picks a HAIR off the sandwich and digs in]


Sebastian: [Looking thoughtful] You know, we should sample it just to make sure it is the right potion that we picked up. We don't know what this potion we have here does. After all, if we do hand it over to Phili, we do not want to hand over the wrong potion after all.


Dur: I don't want to hand it over to Phili at all. He'll probably just use it to kill more babies! [Shakes a fist at the sky]


Sebastian: Only for the good of the realm! You blatantly can't be trusted! Putting the lives of a handful of babies before an entire realm's survival!


Alice: Seb's right, although it wasn't a handful, it was a vatful!


Dur: Even worse!


Charlie: Exactly our point! You cannot be trusted with such an important responsibility. I, however, am ideally suited.


Sebastian: I think not! You are far too arrogant and busy thinking highly of yourself to be allowed such a responsibility! Even you hesitated when it came to killing the babies! I had no problem with doing my part to save the realm [nods triumphantly] and I'm not even a Path-Ethic like the rest of you.

;;; He's just casually forgetting that he and Dur were fighting side

by side to save the babies


Austin : Is that in the same way that you are ideally suited to tell us about how good demons are at shagging? [Smirks] I think the colonel should keep it, he is the leader. So, that's two votes for the colonel, 1 for everyone else except me, who has no votes at all!


Harvey: But I am still the only one here with experience of command, what?


Sebastian: Then command the others to allow me to keep it safe on your behalf. It's not like I'm going to drink the potion and use it to finally get my revenge on HARMA for what they did.


Charlie: Indeed, I am not certain how a single potion can possibly be of use to Phili. Surely there are other, more practical uses for it?


Alice: There's only one person here who tried to drink it, and that's Austin!

;;; Anyone who wants to make a grab for the potion, can do it

;;; now. Whoever has the closest post to 4.30 gets it!


;;; Out for about another hour!


Sebastian: Exactly, so we know he can't be trusted with the potion! That's why he's voting for the colonel, to trick us in to thinking he should have it by not voting for himself! [Eyes the potion]


Charlie: An excellent point! [Transparently flatteringly] My, you ARE smart, Sebastian. And have you been working out? [Moves closer to the potion, trying to block Sebastian's reach]


Austin : What a ridiculous line of reasoning, are you completely stupid? [Sighs] The only reason I tried to drink it on the train was to stop the HARMA getting it.


Sebastian: [Seeing what Charlie is up to he moves so she can't block him] Of course not. You should know, we are with each other every day after all [he says with a smirk] . [To Austin] that's what you'd like us to believe!


Dur: [Beaming at the group through a face messy with egg salad sandwich] I really think that I should hold onto it as I'm obviously the only one not o= bjectively blinded by Phili's supposed 'wisdom', don't you all agree? [Tries to cast ENTHRALL on the group] .


objectively blinded by Phili's supposed 'wisdom', don't you all agree? [Tries to cast ENTHRALL on the group] .

Charlie: [Tries to dodge Sebastian and position herself with easy reach of the potion. To Dur] I think you'll find my vision is perfect!


Austin : Such a shame that we cannot say the same about your personal hygene!


Clint: Haw! [Reaches in and yoinks the potion.] Weren't expecting that, were you?

;;; Assuming he passes his save, anyway.


Charlie: Or your grasp on reality! [Eagerly pounces on the potion]


Austin : [Tries to swipe the potion] Unfortunately we were.


Dur: [Trying to compel the two to give it to him] Thanks for the help, but I really think I should have it. [Tries to take the potion]


Harvey: [Shoves Austin out of the way] I will remind you that I am the commanding officer here, Troop.


Sebastian: [Points his hand at the others the way he would before casting Burning Hands] Hand it over chaps, I do not want to hurt any of you!


Clint: Yeah, Harv, you're in charge. That's why you shouldn't be carrying this thing! If we lose you, we lose the leader AND the potion. That's why *I* should have it!


Dur: And as the group's resident doctor, I'll be relieving you of duty Colonel as you are clearly not thinking straight! [Still trying to take the pot= ion!]


[CLINT snags the potion as DUR tries to cast his spell. However, with all the pushing and shoving, it is lost in the shuffle.]

Alice: [Angrily points at Sebastian] Hey! No one's hurting ANYONE, and anyone who says differently will get a boot up the ass from me, and that'll hurt! [Turns to Dur] You need to stop casting spells on people, Dur, or all the egg in the world won't save you!


rt! [Turns to Dur] You need to stop casting spells >on people, Dur, or all the egg in the world won't save you!

Dur: Are you sure? That's an awful lot of Egg! [Looks around] Where is the potion?


Clint: Guys, guys, think about it! This potion is important! It's life or death! So whoever carries it should be the biggest, strongest, and least likely to get killed by a boot to the face! [Gives two thumbs up.] And who does that describe? This guy! [Points his thumbs back at himself.]


Sebastian: [Swiftly punches Clint in the face to see how easily he goes down]


[Bam. CLINT gets punched smack on the nose. He reels, but doesn't go down. However, when he smashes SEBASTIAN back in the face, SEBASTIAN crashes back against a wall, covered in blood.]

Alice: Stop it! Everyone! Stop it! What the hell is wrong with you?

Clint: He started it! He's the one who punched me!


Charlie: [Scolding] This wouldn't have happened if you had just let ME take possession of the potion!


Alice: True, because Sebastian probably would have punched you!


Harvey: [To Charlie] And you're just as bad as the rest of them, what? I'm sure you meant that this wouldn't have happened if you'd just let the commander officer take possession of the potion.


Charlie: [Raises an eyebrow at Harvey] Mm. [To the rest of the party] So, we ARE planning to give the potion to Phili, then?


Alice: [After an awkward pause] I've a question about that. Why didn't Phili just take the potion?


Charlie: Perhaps it knocks the balance out of sorts for Phili to get personally involved?


Alice: Perhaps. And how come Jerome hasn't come looking for it? Or Sven?


Sebastian: That's a good point actually, about Jerome and Sven. [Wiping blood away from his face] Nice shot Clint, sure you haven't slyly been drinking the potion without us noticing? [Winces in pain] At least we know you won't go down after one hit though. Something doesn't seem right though, I can't even remember why Phili wanted the potion.



Dur: You won't find me rushing to help ol' Phili do anything. I don't care what he says about having to balance the realms, but if you have to kill ba= bies to do it the realm isn't worth saving!


Charlie: [To Dur] We all agree it was dreadful, what we were forced to do, but how many more babies and innocent people might have been killed otherwise?!


Sebastian: We were not [finger quotes] forced to do anything. We chose to save the realm, we were not press ganged in to it. Not like Phili held a knife to our throats and said "Kill these babies or I kill you and your friends and family!" is it?


Alice: True, but he did say kill these babies or a bunch of demons from other dimensions will kill you and your friends and family. [Thinks] You know, he never did say why he wanted it, just that we had to get it. Hm.


Charlie: Perhaps he needed it kept away from someone? Surely Phili has no need for such things? [Frowns] Though, if that is the case, why didn't he just ask us to destroy it?


Sebastian: But again, we choose to do it, and in Charlie's case her husband, at the time, is a demon, her daughter is half demon, and Alice I think you must be part demon or something by now after eating whats-his-names brain and absorbing his powers and passing them on to us. I say we find out exactly what this potion does, then figure out why Phili wants it so badly.


y Phili wants it so badly.

Dur: I chose nothing of the sort! But I do agree about the potion.


Alice: Hey! If anyone's a part demon, it's YOU Sebastian! [Points out each party member] And you, and you, and you! You're the ones with the demon powers. I just ate some brain and, frankly, it was a bit too salty for my liking.


Sebastian: If that is true Alice, then that only reinforces my point.


Alice: Yeah! That's right! That's... oh. Okay, cool. So, how do we find out what the potion does? How can we possibly figure it out? There's just no way.

[Time passes.]

Alice: It's impossible.

[More time passes.]

Alice: I guess we'll never know.

[Knock knock! There's a knock on the door.]


Clint: [To Sebastian.] Sorry, kid, but that had to be done. Harv, you expecting company? [Goes to answer the door.]


Austin : I could drink it and let you know what it does.


Alice: True, but then you'd have drank it and it would be gone!

[CLINT opens the door to reveal SVEN.]

Sven: [Gives the party a smile] Hey guys!


Sebastian: Noooooo! [Dives for the door to slam it in Sven's face]

;;; That's me out for the day


[Somewhat rudely, SEBASTIAN slams the door quickly enough that SVEN doesn't get a chance to react.]

Alice: Do you think he knows about the potion?

Sven: [From without] No!

Alice: [To the party] Phew! Now, no one say a word about the potion, right? It would be awful if Sven knew we had the potion!


Last from Conor $66

Clint: Well, we *did* give it to Phili, after all!


Harvey: Watch and learn, Troop, while I further misdirect the enemy! [Loudly, so Sven can hear] We don't have the potion! [To the party] He'll never guess, what?


[Everyone watches the door, on pins and needles. Nothing. Absolute silence.]

Alice: [Whispers] Maybe he's gone?


Charlie: [Scoffs] Oh, he isn't an idiot! After all, he was enormously impressed by my research. [In a low voice] Now, perhaps we could just sneak out the back door, Colonel?


ut the back door, Colonel?

Dur: [Crossing his arms] Maybe we should just give it to him and let Phili deal with it.


Alice: That is the sixth stupidest idea I've ever heard, Dur!


Austin : Indeed, [Curiously to Alice] What were the first five? No, no, don't answer that. [Sighs] Sven probably does know what the potion does as he has the fatbook.


Alice: Maybe not, as that is supposed to be about people on the Path, right? Not all about magic stuff?

;;; She's right, that's what Deuce seemed to think, although the party haven't

;;; actually seen it yet


Clint: [Scoffing, and loudly.] C'mon, gang, we're going out the front! [As quietly as he can.] Sven'll go around back, so... [Heads for the front door again.]


[CLINT recklessly opens the door. No sign of SVEN. BODDY, however, is across the road, cooking some delicious looking burgers and sausages on a barbecue and wearing an irritating goofy apron that has the print of sexy lingerie on it.]

;;; No posting today! Meetings all day


Austin : Another brilliant, if rather simple and obvious trap. Our problem is that they only need to catch one of us, and they have us all. And they will most certainly catch at least one of us, despite my warnings. [Sighs]


Alice: [Eyeing up the delicious looking burgers] So what should we do, Aus?


Austin : Well, I could drink the potion, thus making it impossible to steal it from the party. Then we could all have tasty worry free burgers.


Charlie: [To Austin] Why do you want to drink the potion? Just to end this argument?


Alice: He's right, Charlie. Then no one could steal it from us, because [incredulously] it would already be stolen!


Austin : Ending this argument would be a bonus. [To Alice] It is already stolen, isn't it? I don't recall paying for it [Chuckles]


Harvey: Well, it was a gift, what? [Suspiciously] Anyway, why are you so eager to drink the potion, by the saints? You've been itching to down that like Private Scar with a beer ever since we clapped eyes on it, what?


Austin : I volunteer to drink it, colonel, for the good of the Realms and the party, lest it fall into the wrong hands. I don't see any other volunteers.


Harvey: I believe all of you were, ahem, *volunteering* to drink the potion not long ago. Which is why I should be in charge of the potion since I am not a drinking man, what? [Produces a hip flask from his coat pocket, takes a swig, then puts the flask back in his pocket]


Charlie: By, to what end?! We do not yet know how Phili intended the potion be used, so drinking it for the sake of drinking it seems rather absurd.


Alice: And surely if you drink it, Aus, it will have to be in the wrong hands!

;;; Drew is out today

Sebastian: Look, why don't we put a moratorium on drinking the potion for a while? If the time comes that we need to drink it, then Austin can knock it back. How about that?


Austin : [Sighs] I suppose so. If we still have it.


[SVEN appears, having come from around the back of the house. He gives a big smile, just as BODDY, on the other side of the road, holds up a delicious looking burger to the party, which he bites into.]

Boddy: Mm-mm!

Sven: [To the party] Hey guys! Dodging ol' Sven, eh?


Austin : No, we had not got beyond talking about it, as usual.


Sven: Great! There's nothing quite like unhealthy and pointless debate, it's great!

Alice: No it's not!

Boddy: Hey! If you want to live, get over here!


Austin : [Backing away from Sven, nervously] Are you going to kill us?


Charlie: [To Sven, warily] What do you want? [Hopefully] To read my latest article? I could give you a signed copy!


Sven: [Chuckles] I'll only kill you if I can't get a copy of Charlie's latest article! [Pause] And the potion, of course.

Boddy: Come on, guys! Don't be stupid. [Thinks] Don't be as stupid as you normally are!


Dur: [Starts heading towards Boddy] Perhaps a calculated retreat is in order? Again? [Tries to cast HOLD PERSON on Sven]


Austin : You are such a coward! What happened to 'stand and fight'? [Sighs] Very well, we shall do it your way if we must, we should stick together at the least ! [Heads towards Boddy]


Alice: Poor Austin, all you want is a chance to fight!

[SVEN stops a moment, but then starts to move, as the party beat a hasty retreat to the barbecue.]

Sven: Haw! You think you can stop me with -- hey! [Looks around, puzzled] What the hell?

;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!


[Book VIII, Act XII, Scene II. The Barbecue Stand. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN are here, along with BODDY, who's eating a burger. There are a bunch more on the grill.]

Boddy: Hungry?


Dur: [Stomach growling] Is that a question or simply a statement of fact?


Harvey: [Round a mouth full of the burger he has already somehow picked up off the grill] Always, what?!?


Boddy: It was a statement of fact. About you.

Sebastian: [Tentatively looks at a burger] I suppose it's poisoned?

Boddy: Of course! [Picks one up and chomps into it]


Clint: [To Sebastian.] Don't worry, kid, we'll get you the best medical care money can buy! Or Dur. Whoever comes cheapest.


Sebastian: [To Clint] After you!

Alice: [Watching Sven frantically trying to spot the party] Er... is it just me, or does that look weird?


Austin : Mr. Scar, have a little compassion! We can at least offer him a quick death, can't we?


Charlie: [Watches Sven curiously. To Dur] Is this the result of your spell?


Sebastian: Nice work, Dur! You might be a terrible doctor, but that was pretty cool!


Clint: That depends on whether or not he meant to do it!


Dur: [Thoughtfully] I didn't make us invisible. So.... I mean.... Of courseI did it on purpose!


Charlie: [To Boddy, growing excited] Did you make us invisible? And, if so, how long will it last?! [Goes all dreamy] Just think! I shall be able to sneak into any library's special collections [huge, delighted emphasis] after hours!


Alice: [Turns to Boddy] Did you?

Boddy: What? Who said that?


Austin : Well it worked, well done. [Ponders] Unless Sven is just pretending, and guessed that you cast a different spell.


Alice: We're invisible, Charlie, he can't hear you! [Moons Boddy, chortling to herself] This is great!

Boddy: First off, just because you're invisible doesn't mean I can't hear you. Second, you're not invisible. Third, Alice, those underpants, WHAT were you thinking?


Harvey: [Outraged, hand dangerously near his sword] You will NOT look at my niece's underpants!


Clint: Hey, Harv, look on the bright side - at least she's wearing some. [To Boddy.] So what did you want, anyway?


Boddy: To save your lives and to serve some delicious burgers. [To Harvey] I'm sorry Harv, but I can still see them.

Alice: [Now standing normally] No you can't!

Boddy: [Points to the top of a light pole] Aren't they yours?

Alice: [Unconvincing] No!


Austin : [Looking at the pants on the pole] Good Phili! Those are really quite tragic.

;;; off site all day today!


Charlie: [To Boddy] How lovely! How do you plan to save our lives, exactly?


Boddy: By making you invisible. [Holds up a tasty looking burger] Burger?


Charlie: [Exasperated] But you said we are NOT invisible! [Shakes her head dismissively] But never mind that. Why are you helping us? What is your stake in this game?


Boddy: It's not steak, it's burger! [Takes a bite of his] And it's delish! You're invisible to Sven, as is this whole barbecue and parasol set.


Charlie: Oh, how clever! So, we'll need to wait until he leaves, then? And why were you helping us, again?

;;; That's my three. So lonely!!


;;; Dom is out today

Austin: I'm sure he has some nefarious plan in mind.

Boddy: You confuse me with Darius. I'm the good one, remember? I want to make sure that the potion doesn't fall into the right hands.

[ALICE takes a bite of burger.]

Boddy: What do you think?

Alice: It's a little salty. And it tastes a bit like brain.

Boddy: That's because it is brain.


Dur: [Scoops up a burger and devours it] Mmmmm! Brains! What do you mean keeping it from falling into the RIGHT hands?


Harvey: Do you have to drink the potion left-handed or something?


Boddy: The hands of those who want it, of course! [To the party in general] Come on now, eat up your delicious brains!


Clint: We're not zombies, man!


Boddy: Then why do you smell like one?


Charlie: [To Boddy, keeping away from the brain-gers] And do you consider ours the [finger quotes] right hands?

Boddy: God help me, I do. However, unless you eat your brains, they probably won't remain right for much longer. [Eyes up the party] Had an argument about who gets to hold the potion yet?


Harvey: I say, do zombies smell as bad as Private Scar?


Clint: As the one with the most refined sense of smell, yes! [Grabs a brainburger reluctantly and, presuming it hasn't killed Dur yet, takes a bite.]


;;; So far, each of Clint, Harvey, Dur and Alice has eaten some burger

Boddy: [Shakes his head sadly at Harvey] No. No zombie smells that bad.


;;; Not enough cucumber for Charlie's taste!

Charlie: [To Boddy, wrinkling her nose] Yes, well, more importantly, how do you think the potion should be used?


Boddy: To protect the Realms, of course. How do you think it should be used?

Austin: [Haughtily] To protect the Realms in a heroic way.

Boddy: You mean for you to drink it?

Austin: No one else has been brave enough to volunteer.


Clint: Well, I say we use it to protect the Realms by overthrowing HARMA!


Charlie: [To Austin, annoyed] Oh, do be serious! We are all prepared to do what is necessary, but we are simply trying to ascertain how best to use the potion first. If you had your way, you would have drunk it ages ago, and for no apparent reason!


Dur: And I think we should use it to kick Phili right in the seat of his baby-killing pants!


Boddy: How is that going to protect the Realms?


Dur: Well he would definitely think twice before killing another vat of orphaned babies!


Boddy: That would just put the Realms in even more danger!


Harvey: Well, clearly I should drink it because I am rather thirsty, what?


Charlie: Don't mind Dur. He just gets a bit hyperactive after feeding, poor thing. [Pats Dur on the head, fondly. To Boddy, puzzled] How is ONE potion really going to help save the realms, though?


Clint: We could use it to help us rob the HARMA train of all that crap those freaks have stolen, and we could use *that* to help us save the world!


Charlie: [Intrigued] Oooh, now THAT is an interesting idea! We could likely outfit a formidable army with all of HARMA's ill-gotten gains.

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Sebastian: [Feeling rather famished, ignores they are brains and eats several burgers] What exactly is it the potion does Boddy? And why stop at overthrowing when we could just massacre HARMA?

;;; Net was off yesterday


Austin : [Nibbles at some tasty brain burger] Brings back memories of Mistoheusto. [Frowns] Not particularly good memories. [To Sebastian, suprised] What an awful thing to say. Some of the HARMA are very nice people! How could you think such a thing [Nibbles at some more brain-burger]


Sebastian: Oh I don't know [pretends to ponder on it while eating brainurger] maybe because someone in there thought it was a good idea to outlaw magic? Deciding to make magic users heads explode if they tried to use it? And everyone who stayed in HARMA was therefore supporting the motion and are so are guilty by association! [Nods triumphantly at his own argument]


Boddy: What good would that do? They might be idiot scumbags, but at least they want to protect the realms! [To Charlie] This potion is like nothing anyone has ever seen before. This is so strong that even a tiny drop of it could kill a normal human.

Alice: Wow! Just as well none of us took it, isn't it?

Boddy: Oh please. None of you are normal!


Austin : But what about those who joined HARMA after that event? And does that mean that the party deserves to die because one of us had an intimate relationship with a demon, creating a new more dangerous demon? Not that the rest of us are guilt free, I think we have all had, ... questionable, interactions with demons.


Sebastian: [To Boddy] How is making it so any magic users trying to use magic dies, or banning anything classed as fun or entertainment, come anywhere close to actions considered as protecting the realms? They allowed Sven to steal the Fatebook. [To Austin] And what in the realms has marrying demons and giving birth to demons got to do with my argument for killing HARMA? To answer your first question though, if they joined HARMA knowing fine well they outlawed magic, then they too are in support of the action and too are guilty by association.


Charlie: [To Sebastian] I quite agree! I cannot imagine what my personal life has to do with any of this! [To Austin] And Wilhelmina is NOT more dangerous than Pestilence. She is a mere child.


Sebastian: That's the point Charlie. She's got the power of Pestilence, your brains, and the moral understandings of a child, next to none. Plus you let Pestilence spend more time raising her then you did yourself, and you just asked for a divorce because of his behavior!


Alice: [To Austin] So because Charlie had a kid, we all deserve to die? I think you've been spending too much time with your HARMA girlfriend!

Boddy: [To Sebastian] That's not fair. It's not like they wanted him to steal it. They stole it to destroy it and he stole it off them before they had a chance!


Austin : [To Alice] No, we don't deserve to die, and neither do all of the HARMA. Saying that they are guilty by association, after the HARMA have stopped making peoples heads explode, is like saying that we are guilty for every crime that Trindle and Sven have perpetrated, as we are all on the Path! Mr Boddy's point was correct, the HARMA are trying to save the realms, they just have an opposite philosophy on how this should be done. They are, naturally, completely wrong.


Boddy: [Chews his burger, but clearly frustrated] Look, the sooner you people realize that one individual is not responsible for the actions of another, the better chance you have of surviving the coming war. [Points at Sebastian, clearly talking about Austin] Sure, his girlfriend is part of HARMA, but that doesn't mean she's the one responsible for what they do, and he sure as hell isn't. [Points at Charlie with his burger] And as for her? What the hell is wrong with you people? She fell in love with a demon and had a child by him -- how was she supposed to control either of them? You think her ignoring the fact that Clementine was about to cause the world to end would have helped! [Pauses for breath] Don't forget, virtually all of you people were at least indirectly responsible for my wife's death, and I've gotten over it, for the greater good. So stop your bitching and eat your demon brains!

;;; He's referring to Nicole, who, technically, the party DID kill!


Austin : [Sheepishly] Good, I am glad we have that sorted out. [To Boddy] Sorry about Nicole. It wasn't a happy time.


Alice: Wait a minute. So Austin's girlfriend killed Nicole? Oh my God!

Boddy: [To Austin] Don't worry, you'll make up for it.


Charlie: [Warily] How will we make up for it?


Boddy: [Smiles] Just by being you! Now, has everyone had some brain?


Charlie: [Picks up a burger and looks at it skeptically] Why, exactly, are you encouraging us to eat brains?


Harvey: [Chomping on a burger] Because they're tasty, what?


Austin : [Resigned] For power. Who's I do not know, but probably for someone else's benefit in the long term, hopefully to save the realms. Eat up!


Boddy: Who said they were brains?

Alice: You did! A bunch of times!

Boddy: Oh, yeah. That's right. They're demon brains. To help you resist the temptation to just drink that potion. It has to be taken at the right time.


Charlie: [Sighs heavily] Oh, very well! [Gingerly takes a burger and nibbles at it, grimacing] It's so--chewy.


Boddy: That's only to be expected. It's only 85% brain.


Sebastian: Doesn't taste too bad either. Reminds me of horse. ]To Boddy] So which demon kindly donated his or her brain to save us from bad timing?


Boddy: [Shrugs] Haven't a clue. I bought it at the local butcher's.


Harvey: So how do you know it's demon brains and not, say, human, eh?


Charlie: Surely one is as bad as the other, Colonel! [To Boddy] Can you distract Mr. Goring while we make our escape? We cannot stay here forever, clearly.


Boddy: Human brains are way saltier.


Boddy: Of course, but what are you going to do with the potion?


Clint: If we don't use it to rob the HARMA train and use what we get to make an unstoppable army, I say we just give it to Phili. Pass the buck. It's always worked before!


Boddy: Okay. But what do you think Phili wants to do with it?


Clint: Who knows? That's why it's called passing the buck!


Boddy: I guess that's why you never make any decisions for the party. [Beat] I mean, I *hope* that's why you never make any decisions for the party.


Harvey: Of course not! The reason he never makes any decisions is because his rank is Private, and he has an excellent commanding officer to make all relevant decisions for him, what? Now, is there any salt for these burgers, eh?


Charlie: [To Boddy] We don't know what Phili wanted the potion for, other than it was something to do with closing a portal. [Narrows her eyes at Boddy] Why do YOU think he wants the potion?


Boddy: [Hands a huge vat of salt over to Harvey] I think he wants to close the portal.


Clint: Isn't that a good thing?


Boddy: That all depends on who drinks the potion to make it happen. Someone could take it and harness the power long enough to shut it down. Someone else... well... their head would explode so badly that even my local butcher would find it hard to make money out of the entrails.


Charlie: [Shudders] How do you know who may safely drink the potion, then? [Hopefully] Not trial and error, obviously?


Boddy: It's all about the Path. The further along someone is, the better they can handle it.


Sebastian: That's me off the list to be the one to drink it then. I didn't know anything about the Path until I met these guys a few month ago.


Charlie: [To Sebastian] Not necessarily! You can advance along the Path without knowing it. None of us know how far along we are, either! [To Boddy] Is there some way of testing?


Harvey: Perhaps by drinking the potion and seeing whether you die a horrible death?


Sebastian: That would only reinforce Charlies fear that trial and error is the only way


Charlie: [Nods at Sebastian] Indeed! Actually drinking the potion is hardly the best way to ascertain who SHOULD drink the potion. Leaving aside the rather alarming possibility of lethal side effects, it would waste a valuable, and likely irreplaceable, resource!


Boddy: I like Harvey's idea, but no, there's no particular test. The fact is, if you've been hanging around with these guys for a while trying to save the world, and possibly killing babies and such, you're probably moving along The Path. Also, if you have a huge ego and over-inflated sense of self importance, I think we can reasonably say that you're far enough.

Alice: [Nods] That does sound like you, Seb!


Sebastian: I do not have a huge ego, nor is my sense of self importance over-inflated, thank you very much Alice! Well okay I do consider my want for the total destruction of HARMA more important than anything else. Sounds more like we need Austin and Charlie to have a lovechild and let Harvey raise it before this potion can be drunk. [Pauses for a moment] Okay, okay, I did kill the babies too. I still don't have a huge ego, though I do still say that since I know magic I should be the one who keeps the potion safe. [Holds his hands up in a protesting like manner] I know Dur knows magic too, but lets face it, he's not safe at all, not even for himself. Just look at his recent marriage.


Boddy: [Looks Sebastian up and down] Too many words.


Austin : [Nods in agreement. To the Party] So, it is probably best if I drink the potion, are we all agreed?


Harvey: [Nods sagely] He does that. Probably the over-inflated wotsit, eh?


Boddy: If you think that, Aus, you need more brain. This is what'll make you guys not want to take the potion.


Dur: You mean like the brain burgers? [Scarfs another one while waiting]


Austin : [To Boddy, nibbling at a burger] How will these help? Are these the brains of the last person that drank one of these potions?


Charlie: [Primly dabbing at her lips after finishing her brain burger] One is enough, one assumes? If so, we really should be going, don't you think?


Boddy: Yep, one's enough. [To Austin] Nope. They're the brains of the same demons that the potion was made from.

Alice: Huh. I figured that the potion was made out of demon brains.

Boddy: Think lower down.


Austin : Nipples? Heart? Testicles? Penises? [Ponders] Feet? Lungs? Spleen?


Harvey: Hmm, demon feet?


Alice: [Looks from Austin to Harvey] Interesting how different a trajectory each of them took to get to feet, isn't it?

Boddy: I'll leave you to guess. Some element of mystery is always best. [Points to a flyer on a wall behind them] That's where you need to go.

[The flyer reads: "Old fashioned down home cook out. No alcohol, salt or swearing. Today at 5PM."]

Alice: What day is today?

Boddy: It's today.

Alice: Crikey! We're just on time!


Charlie: [Dismayed] But we've just had a cookout! How will we ever eat again?


Alice: Dur can eat for us, can't he?


Clint: As long as he understands it's eat *for* us, and not just eat us!

;;; I'm thinking maybe no more Wednesday night parties for me!


Austin : [Looks worried, shocked] Do you thinkhe might try that! [Looks at Dur suspiciously]


;;Out this morning!


Clint: [Incredulous.] Do you think he wouldn't?


Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

;;; out this morning



Alice: Come on! He's not a total idiot! [Looks Dur up and down] Hm. [To Boddy] What happens now?

Boddy: Now you wait for someone to contact you and, whatever you do, keep a low profile. [Reaches behind him and pulls out a bunch of awful jokey aprons] Here, you'll need these aprons.

[The aprons are all jokey barbecue types; the type that make the person wearing them look naked, or have muscles, etc. Some have hilarious writing on them, such as "Dressed to Grill" or "Danger! Men Cooking!"]

Alice: [Picks up one that would make the wearer appear as though they were wearing a ballgown] This is the coolest thing ever!


Charlie: [Sorts through the aprons and takes a super-lame one that says "Will You Be My Grillfriend?"] At least this one is reasonably pleasant. Most of these are atrocious! [To Boddy] Why must we wear these? What sort of magical properties do they have?


Boddy: They make you invisible to people who are in the final phase of The Path. Pretty handy if you don't want Phili knowing what you're doing.


Charlie: [Frowns] Why would we want to hide from Phili? We got the potion at his request.


Sebastian: So if any of us are in the final phase of the Path, then for them the rest of us will vanish like with Sven? [Picks out the following apron http://www.apronsonline.co.uk/images/Don-t-Burn-Your-Sausage-bbq-Apron.jpg ]


Boddy: Come on, Charlie! Surely you've done something that you'd prefer God didn't watch? And if you could do it wearing a flouncy apron, then all the better!

Alice: None of these are flouncy.

Boddy: All at the laundrette, I doubt the stains will ever come out. [To Sebastian] Correctomundo. However, given that I'm wearing one and all of you can see me, then it's a safe bet that none of you are in the Final Phase.


Austin : [Finds an apron] Ah, this one looks fit for someone of my considerable skills and abilities [It reads 'Professional meat handler']


Harvey: [Finds one with ranks of sausages in military uniform, and the words "Stand To Attention!"] This should do nicely, and it has a handy reminder for the rank and file, what?


Alice: Okay, so we have a bunch of stylish aprons, but they're hardly going to let us blend in, are they?

Boddy: Of course not. That's the whole intention. We can't make it too easy!

;;; Gone for the day!


Dur: [Holds up an apron that says, "Kiss the unlicensed, practically incompetent Doctor"] Some of these are rather specific aren't they?


Clint: [Selects an apron with the slogan "Grill or be grilled."] Just yours, doc, just yours.


Alice: [Holds an apron with the slogan "The food hasn't gone off, that smell is me"] Do you really expect us to believe that this was meant for someone else, Stinky?


Austin : [To Boddy] Did you have these made just for us?


Boddy: No, you'd be surprised how many people that can be said for!

;;; Heather's afk

Charlie: Why do they look so ridiculous?

Boddy: Because otherwise people would wear them all the time.


Sebastian: Being permanently invisible to Sven does seem to have its appeal. So what happens if we attack someone who can't see us? Does that break the spell?


Boddy: Indeed it does. Now, why don't you crazy kids go to the cook out? I have some delightful meat-like substance that you can take with you to cook up.


Charlie: [Wrinkles her nose] Is it a demon organ or body part?


Boddy: I don't know -- I haven't been brave enough to get close enough to see!

;;; No more posting for me for the day!


Charlie: How perfectly vile! [Frets] Oh, I do hope it isn't some distant relation of Will and Pestilence's!


Austin : And if it is? I mean, after all, they have probably eaten plenty of your relatives.


Alice: [Watching as Boddy holds a large cloth bag towards the party. There is some disgusting green slime dripping out of the bottom] It smells more like a relative of Clint's!


Austin : [Looking at the bag and going pale] Mr Scar, I believe we have found a task in which you can excel. Would you mind carrying the meat?


Charlie: [To Austin, assuming her professor stance] Well, ACTUALLY, I think you'll find that very few demons consume human flesh. [To Harvey] Typically, they regard our hygiene to be appalling, though naturally this is all relative. For example, the Honee demon considers bathing in excrement to be a purifying experience.


Alice: Yeah! And for some humans it's a sexual one. [Gets all embarrassed] Er, I mean, take the bag, Stinky!

Clint: Sure! [Takes the bag] Right. Let's cook some food!

;;; End of scene


[Book VIII, Act XII, Scene III. The Streets of Queens View. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN are here, all wearing aprons.]

Alice: So, does anyone else think it's weird that all this barbecuing is going on?


Charlie: Indeed! It's rather like the Colonel was somehow behind this, though there are not enough honeyed golden locusts involved!


Austin : Yes. I am also wondering where all of the meat came from.


Harvey: Clearly someone has there eye on the logistics situation, eh?

;;; Sorry folks! Slept in then had my boss camping out at my desk for

the last hour.


Alice: You know, there has been a rash of demon attacks from other dimensions, maybe from them?

[The party hear a blood curdling scream from an alleyway.]


Charlie: [Gasps] Hurry, let us try to help! [Heads for the alleyway]


[The party follow CHARLIE and rush down the alleyway, only to see that the screaming is coming from a rooftop halfway down. It is difficult to see exactly what's going on, but there is what appears to be a huge dog, at least eight feet high, attacking a woman up there.]

Alice: Oh no! How can we get up there?


Charlie: Does anyone see a ladder?


Dur: Ladders are over rated! [Dur tries to cast STONE SHAPE to form a series of steps leading up]


[The nearest wall quickly forms the shape of steps.]

Alice: Wow! That's really cool, Dur!

[The SCARY DOG MONSTER turns to look at the party, and suddenly starts racing towards them.]


Harvey: Gah! [To Dur] Quickly, create some form of chew toy we can use to distract the animal!


Dur: Or just throw it the damn meat!


Austin : [Looking for a safe place to run to] Perhaps it would prefer the burger meat! [Points at the sack Clint is carrying]


Last from Dom 11

Alice: But the cook out! We have to bring something! [Gestures to the party,all of whom are wearing ridiculous looking aprons] Do you want us to look s= tupid?


Last from Conor 12

Sebastian: [Voice shaking nervously] Don't worry, I got this! [Casts Burning Hands on Scary Dog Monster]

;;; Sorry, only post from me today. Cold weather is causing my

arthritis in my hands to act up pretty bad today, making it hard to



Clint: Well, if that doesn't work, we can always try to hit its nose with a rolled up paper!


[Jets of flame shoot from SEBASTIAN's hands, engulfing the dog. It first whimpers, and then roars in pain.]

Alice: Yay!

[The dog, now with it's fur burning, continues the charge.]

Alice: Oh no! Now it's angry and on fire!


Charlie: Run, group! At least we can lead it away from innocent townsfolk!


Clint: Who's going to lead it away from us?! [Gets set to take up the role of rear guard so the party can beat a very brave retreat.]


Alice: [Running away with the others] I'm an innocent townsfolk, and it's gaining!


Clint: [Bringing up the rear and running for his life.] I don't suppose there's a handy group of HARMA freaks around here we can lead it to?


Harvey: Gah! We can lead it to the carefully prepared pit trap that I'm sure you fellows have, um, [Hopefully] carefully prepared?


Alice: That's a great idea, Harvey! All that work won't be for nothing! Now, where is it, again?


Charlie: [Hopefully] Perhaps we can just wear him out?


Austin : [Legging it with speed] Just throw him the meat sack!


Clint: What's that? Some sort of homo thing? [Realization dawns] Ah! [Drops the bag of meat]

[The DOG immediately stops the chase and starts to devour the meat.]


Charlie: Hurry, let's take higher ground and try to attack him from safety above. We cannot just leave him running loose!


Alice: [Points to a nearby balcony] Let's climb up there and shoot at him!


Austin : Great idea! [Starts climbing] Do you have something to shoot him with?


Alice: [Also climbing] No, I only have my sword!


Dur: Perhaps we can taunt it to death?!


Alice: Great idea! Hey! Dog! You're an even worse doctor than Dur!

[The DOG doesn't seem particularly hurt by this unkind remark.]


Dur: [Tears welling up] You're supposed to be taunting HIM to death!


Austin : [Climbing onto the balcony] Perhaps I can fashion a sling shot from what is at hand?

;;;; do we have our weapons?


Harvey: Excellent. Any chance we could fashion something a bit more powerful? Say, a ballista, what?


;;; Yes, just the bare essentials, so swords, daggers, but also bows and slings.

Alice: We better be quick! He's almost finished that meat!


Alice: Don't be ridiculous, Harvey! What use will a dancer be? [Looks into the room]

[The room looks like a young girl's bedroom, and is absolutely packed with unicorn ornaments, of all shapes and sizes.]


Clint: Haw! Ammunition!

;;; I don't suppose there's a life-sized unicorn ornament we can drop

on him....


Charlie: [Looking around, dismayed] Oh, dear! This is surely Joe Nunpar's room! We must be quick, hurry! [Tries to fling a hefty unicorn at the hellbeast]


;;; No, but there are a LOT of them

[The DOG is finished the meat, and looks up at the party. In one fluid movement, he bounds towards them.]


[The DOG yelps in pain as the unicorn pierces it.]

Alice: Yay! This is cool! [Picks up another one and drops it on the dog, causing another yelp of pain]


Clint: [Grunts.] Are you kidding? This is a terrible thing to do to man's best friend! [Throws a unicorn at the dog.]


Harvey: Private, I'm a man and I'm reasonably sure he doesn't want to be my best friend! Keep it up, Troop! [Throws a unicorn at the dog]


Austin : [Uses his sling shot to fire some unicorns at the dog. To Harvey] Perhaps he just wants to be loved [smirks] .


Clint: Perhaps he just wants a cat to chase!


Alice: [As the dog yelps each time a unicorn hits it] Hey look! There's a huge box of them here! Let's just tip it over on top of him!


Clint: [Tries to tip the box over onto the dog.] Some little girl's gonna cry about this, you know. Or Nunpar will, anyway.


Austin : Who's house is this anyway? [Sneaks into the room looking for clues]


Sebastian: I thought Nunpar was a little girl [see Austin go in] Sleaze this is no time for knicker drawer raiding! That dog is still pissed at us! [Throws unicorns at the dog] So much for drew their swords and shot each other [casts Grease to slow he dog down then throws more unicorns]


[The entire box of unicorns is dumped on top of the DOG. With one almighty yelp, it expires. Meanwhile, just as AUSTIN opens a drawer, enter JOE NUNPAR, wearing a towel around his waist, with what seems to be the most enormous erection anyone has ever been near.]

Joe: What the hell?


Sebastian: Out with a box of horny things, enter another horny thing


Charlie: [Averts her eyes, blushing] Is that a unicorn under your towel, or are you just pleased to see us??


Sebastian: I think he's just horny to see you Chuckles.


Austin : My my, Mr Nunpar, what a fine display. [Looks at the unicorns] Your unicorns collection are exceptional too.


Sebastian: [Looking back over the balcony] I wonder if that dog was a girl? If so, Nunpars horn just killed that bitch.


Joe: [Bangs on his door] Guards! [To the party] So! First you fail to get the potion on the train, and now you try to rob me?


Sebastian: What potion? What train? And no we are not trying to rob you, we were hiding from the savage monster dog that was down there [points over the balcony] but mysteriously vanished after being pelted by several unicorns


Austin : [Looks around the room for Nunpar's partner] Rob you? [Laughs] Do you have something worth stealing? [Idley throws a unicorn out of the window] This is all junk!


Charlie: [To Austin] I quite agree, but hadn't we better use this time to escape the long arm of HARMA, rather than insult this man's sad, infantile fixations? [Dramatically] Out the window, group!


Joe: [Screams as Austin's unicorn sails over the balcony] Noooooooo! Princess Frou-frou!

[The door swings open as CHARLIE steps back onto the balcony.]

Alice: You may have gotten away this time, Nunpar, you won't escape with our unicorns the next time!

Joe: You stole mine!


Harvey: [Helpfully] The dog has them.

;;; Sorry! Training ran over


Austin : [Looks to see who is coming through the door] That is so, so, sad. [Deftly pockets another small but significantly place unicorn, if he can, and tries to escape down from the balcony]


[Half a dozen angry HARMA officers burst in, just as AUSTIN sneaks a tiny, but beautiful, unicorn into his pocket. The rest of the part race off the balcony.]

Joe: Stop them!


Dur: [Dur tries to cast Obscuring Mist to cover their retreat] Watch your hands group, lest it be placed accidently on the wrong 'horn'!


Charlie: [Shudders] Hurry, group, and do try not to think about Nunpar's [finger quotes] horn!


[The party skillfully climb down from the balcony, obscured by DUR's spell.]

Alice: Where will we go? They'll surely go looking for us in Harvey's house!


Charlie: To the cook-out! [Frets] Though we shall need to stop for a bag of ice along the way. It is terribly bad form not to bring something.


Clint: Yeah, well, it's also terribly bad form to break into someone's house and destroy his unicorn collection, and that didn't stop us!


Alice: That depends on who it is!

[Exit ALL, in the direction of signs pointing to the cook out.]


[Book VIII, Act XII, Scene IV. The First Annual Queens View Cookout. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN, wearing their aprons, have just arrived. There is a crowd of about sixty people here, about half of whom are HARMA officers. The smell of freshly barbecued Meat-Like-Near-Substitute hangs heavy in the air. Amongst those cooking are DARIUS, PETER DEADPAN, ASTRID, CUBE, DEMPSEY MAKEPEACE, LLOYD CHRISTOPHER, TARA TURQUOISE, SEBASTIAN LITE, JUSILLA "JUICE" LANDAU, MARCUS WERNER, SPRUCE HANNIGAN, SNYDER, JACK CROWE, IVAN MARSTERS, SKY TENNETA, GENESIS, LEVITICUS, EXODUS, JOHN "TERRY" O'QUINN and MAC BRINDLEWORTH, all of whom are wearing jokey aprons similar to the party's ones. MAC, holding a burger that is dripping grease which can't possibly be from MLNS, is being harassed by two HARMA officers, including SIMON BISLEY.]

;;; Just to be clear, this is not Mac who taveled with the party, rather:

Mac: No sir. I don't have any meat.

Simon: I can see it! Right there! In your hand!

Mac: [Deadpan] No, that's delicious Meat-Like-Near-Substitute-Substitute.

Simon: Don't you mean Meat-Like-Near-Substitute?

Mac: [Laughs] I couldn't handle something that crazy!


Charlie: [Excited] Oh, how thrilling, a party! [Claps her hands briskly] Quickly, let us arrange some party games at once. [To Clint] Mr. Scar, do go and gather a large bucket, some apples, several lengths of rope, four dozen balloons, and all of the chalk you can find!


Simon: No! [Looks shocked] This is not a party! Nor will there be any games. Not of the party variety, nor any other! [Suddenly notices that Mac has slipped a ludicrous party hat on] How many times do I have to tell you people? No hats!


Austin : [To Simon] May we have hats if we don't wear them on our heads?


Simon: Are you going to wear the hats in any other way or attempt to enjoy them somehow?


Austin : Certainly not. It would simply prevent any large numbers of hats being discarded and causing a litter problem. [With a straight face puts a pointy party hat over his crotch] There you see, conveniently out of the way.


Harvey: Indeed, I positively hate wearing hats anyway, what?


Simon: [Looks at Austin's hat] Do you need a smaller hat?


Austin : [To Simon] No, why do you prefer smaller hats?


Charlie: [To Simon] Really, you have something of a fixation on hats. I think you might need to go home and lie down. [Helpfully] Perhaps think about your favorite rules and regulations as you rest, to help calm your nerves.


Simon: I wasn't talking about hats, I was talking about his penis!

Alice: So you have a fixation on his penis?


;;; Gone for the weekend!


Austin : It appears so. [Sighs] He had better join the cue.


Dur: Hmmmm. Perhaps I should examine him!


Alice: You must be crazy if you think Austin will let you examine his penis! [Leans in] You're not his type.

Simon: Neither am I!


Charlie: [To Simon] Well, then, you had better be on your way! We really must get back to work.


Simon: [Confused] Wait! I AM his type! [Looks coyly at Austin] How're you doin'?


Charlie: [To Simon, shocked] Your behavior is most unprofessional. Do leave us at once, or we shall be forced to report you!


Austin : [Looks Simon over in disgust] No thank you!


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[SIMON drops his head and slowly walks off, looking sad and rejected.]

Alice: What are you eating?

Mac: Some sort of brain. It's pretty good. Abut salty.



Austin : [To Mac] Do you know where we can get some substitute meat like substance stuff?


Harvey: [Nods at Austin's words] Or even some sort of substitute, what?


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Mac:Sure. But why would you want some?



Austin : Why, so that we can cook lots of tasty burgers, and give them away for free! [Looks shifty] Do you have a better alternative?


Charlie: [To Mac, nodding at Austin's words] Indeed, we WERE invited to this cook-out, were we not?


Mac: Everyone's invited to the cook out, but don't waste your time with that awful stuff.

Alice: So, it is kind of weird that almost every Knight and Watcher we've met in the last few years is here, cooking, right?


Austin : Indeed, it is most suspicious. It appears to be a trap, or perfect ambush setting, perhaps a cunning ruse to distract us all whilst nefarious activities are afoot elsewhere.


Mac: Or, a desperate attempt by those who love the Realms to save it from its impending doom? [Gives the party a wide grin] You do have the potion, right? From the train? Niiiice work, my friends!


Charlie: [Modestly] Yes, it was some of our best work, I must say. [Eagerly] Now, what are the plans for this potion, exactly? Will there be some sort of competition today to determine who shall drink it?


Mac: I'm not sure how they'll do it, but I think the first thing to do is establish who actually wants to drink it.

Alice: So if someone wants to drink it, then they win the competition?

Mac: No. If someone wants to drink it, then they lose the competition to see who gets to drink it. It's all very complicated. You should probably ask Peter about it. He's the one who came up with the rules.


Charlie: [Wrinkles her nose] Couldn't someone less horrid do it?


Harvet: [Unconvincingly] I surely don't want to drink the potion, what?


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Mac: Well then. You don't need to worry. [To Charlie] Aw, Peter? He's great!



Charlie: [To Mac, skeptically] Yes, so I've heard. [Looks for Peter with a sigh] Well, I suppose we had better talk to him, if he has been put in charge of the administering of the potion!


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Mac: He's over there, reading stories to a bunch of kids.

[PETER is sitting surrounded by children, reading from a book. They are having a great time.]



Clint: Why? It's not like they have it, so who cares who they want to be in charge of administering it? Though Peter's plan sounds fine so far!


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in charge of administering it? Though Peter's plan sounds fine so far!

Alice: Who put Peter in charge?

Mac: No one. He's just so nice!

;;;; out for an hour



Austin : [Watching the children with Peter, laughing and happy] He is so amazing. [Sighs. To Charlie] I bet you wish you had parenting skills as good as Peters!


Charlie: [With a sniff] There is nothing wrong with my parenting skills! Wilhelmina is a darling, sweet girl.


Clint: Hell, that's Pestilence's influence there!


Austin : I suppose you are excellent at minimising any negative impact that you may have.


Last from Dom 36

Alice: But who will minimize yours, Aus? Do we need to get Boddy to remind you to stop being a dick again?=


Charlie: [To Austin, icily] Mr. Sleaze, why do you not harass the Colonel about leaving his children in the care of others? Has he not made precisely the same choice I have?


Austin : [Remains silent and checks the shine on his shoes] I wonder what the substitute meat like substance alternative is like?


Austin : Yes, but his children are better off, for the fact. After all, we must all make sacrifices for the greater good.


Clint: Chuck's awesome parenting skills aren't really important here. What is important is figuring out how we're gonna find someone who can use the potion once we've got a list of people who don't want to use it!


Harvey: And how we'd convince that person to drink the potion, eh? [Thinks] I say, can we use someone who just doesn't consider the potion his drink of choice, or does it have to be someone who really doesn't want to drink it?


Alice: [Rolls her eyes] Yes, Clint, well said! They're not important in the same way that it's not important that Austin tried to stab us in the back with Clementine, or that he didn't ask for help from Amelia when we needed it, and we all seemed to agree to stop picking at it, so why the hell does he keep bringing it up?


Mac: I don't know, you'll need to ask Petey boy about it. I'm sure he's got some ingenious scheme!


Clint: Chuck, that's your cue!


Charlie: [Shudders] Delightful! [Goes to speak to Peter]


Alice: Oh my god. Is he wearing an apron with a girl scout uniform on the front?

[No. It appears that he is wearing a girl scout uniform. Before the party can get near him, however, dozens of HARMA officers appear, led by CHOCOLATAY.]

Chocolatay: I smell meat! That has no place in a cook-out! Arrest everyone!


Charlie: I can assure you, there is no meat of any kind here!


Alice: Yes there is!


Austin : [Looks around] Where?


Alice: Everyone here, silly! We're MEETING!


Harvey: And no-one ever had any fun at meetings, what?


Austin : [To Alice, chuckling] Oh, of course! Silly me. This is one big meet, made up from many meetings. [Ponders] Are meetings banned too?


Charlie: [Baffled] What do you mean? I LOVE meetings [quickly stops] er, I mean, quite right! Meetings are ever so dull, but a painful necessity.


Last from heather and Dom

Chocolatay: Arrest everyone! Stamp on anything that looks tasty!


Austin : [To Harvey] Colonel, it looks like we have a fight on our hands! [Eagerly punches his fist into his other palm]


Harvey: [Helpfully] Private, the objective is usually to punch the enemy. Or, even better, use appropriate weaponry for the situation. But, generally the target is the enemy, and not, for example, your own hand, what?


Austin : [Glances around to see if anyone else is listening] Yes colonel.


Alice: Hey! He has to practice somewhere, Harvey!

[There are dozens of HARMA officers approaching. The Knights, surprisingly, start to bolt in all directions.]

Mac: [Tosses the burger on the ground] Best get out of here. No point in being in jail when the end of the world comes!


Charlie: [Shocked at the retreat of the Knights] Perhaps you're right! Come along, group!


Mac: [Points at a nearby house] Let's get in here!

[A number of carriages appear, and drive into the crowds. AMELIA stands on one of them.]

Amelia: Stop them! Get an the aprons!


Charlie: [Rushing toward the house Mac indicates] Hurry, group! Do not let Mr. Sleaze's [sing-song voice] girlfriend see us!


Dur: Reminds me of my days on the streets! We used to get round up and arrested for sleeping in city parks. They always managed to catch us when we we= re taking a crap so that we couldn't get away!


Harvey: I'm not sure why a cookout involving meat substitute would remind you of relieving yourself, Private.


Alice: [As the party burst in through the doors] I'm more disturbed about why he was defecating all over the place! [Glances behind] Gah! They're coming!



Dur: You'd be surprised what we used as 'Meat Substitutes' on the street Colonel!

;;; Aaaaaaannnnnnndddddd Good morning everyone! Get THAT image out of your head before dinner and don't try the 'mystery meat loaf'!


Austin : [Running] Mushrooms or fish perhaps?


Harvey: Or maybe sausages?


Austin : Could you not simply get some pate, or fois gras from the shelter for the homeless, they do provide food don't they?


Alice: Oh, so the fois gras is not good enough for the poor, eh? Well, lah-di-dah!

[The party are now ensconced in a house, and creep to a window to look out. There are HARMA officers everywhere, but no Knights or Watchers have been arrested. They do, however, have a "Kiss the Cox", apron.]

Alice: Maybe they'll just leave us alone?


Austin : We could try to find some where in here to hide?


Alice: [Points at the double bed in the room] Maybe in there? [Looks more closely] Hey! There's already someone in there!

[DARIUS pops up from the bed, looking sweaty and disheveled.]

Darius: What's going on?


Charlie: [Eyes the bed warily] That had better be Bruni under there with you!


[BRUNI appears from under the sheets.]

Bruni: Hi gang! We've got some sandwiches downstairs if you're peckish! Darius always makes them on [sexy voice] Sexy Lady Day.


Austin : Certainly, that sounds like an excellent suggestion.

;;; is 'downstairs' underground? - thought we were on the ground floor?

;;; out for the rest of today


;;; Nope, we ran upstairs!

[Enter MAC, holding a plate of sandwiches.]

Mac: Hey look! There's a whole bunch of sambos here, all the shape of buttercups!


Clint: Not the time for this! We've got to keep an eye out for the lawyer's girlfriend. And people say Charlie has bad taste in romance!


Charlie: [To Clint, haughtily] You mean, people like you? Your idea of romance is to tip an extra GP!


Alice: [Horrified] Clint tipped you a GP?


Harvey: Well, not everyonecan be as lucky as me - Jasmine is a one-man woman, you know.


Last from Conor $76

Clint: [Aghast.] Why the hell would I tip?


Alice: [To Clint] Guilt?

Mac: [To Harvey] Jasmine, eh? I once knew a hooker called Jasmine. She wasn't a one-man woman. [Eats a sandwich] It was kind of cool, but it got a bit weird being so close to those other guys with your lad out, you know. [Looks out the window] I think they're about to break the door down.


Charlie: [Gasps] Does anyone see another way out? [Hopefully] Perhaps a secret underground exit?


Alice: If we could see it, it would hardly be a secret, now, would it?


Clint: [Looks around.] Maybe a window we can jump out of, bravely and heroically?


Alice: [Looks out] There's a fire lit outside this one!

[DARIUS leaps out of bed. He is wearing underwear even flouncier than that normally seen on CHARLIE.]

Darius: Those bastards!

;;; See for why no one should be

;;; surprised at Darius' underpants.


Charlie: [Shields her eyes] Perhaps we could smother the fire with Darius' underpants?! That particular brand and style is flame-retardant. [Stammers] Er, I suspect!


Mac: [Sits on the bed and gives Bruni a sandwich] Is this yet another attempt to see Darius with his pants off?


Clint: Well, you know how wild these academic types can get!


Mac: If only I did.

[There is a terrific crash from downstairs. Someone has clearly smashed the door open.]


Charlie: Oh, dear! Let us try to barricade the stairs, at least. [Looks for something heavy to lug over to block the stairs]


Harvey: By the saints, Private! You must stop trying to get Darius to take his underpants off and focus on the mission, what?


Alice: I know! Darius' underpants are hardly going to useful in barricading the stairs, are they?

Bruni: [Eating a sandwich] I don't know, Alice. They are VERY flouncy.


Clint: Out of the bed, Bruni! We can barricade with that!


Bruni: [Leaps out of the bed, revealing that her underwear matches that of Darius] Good idea!

;;; Drew is out today

Sebastian: I think I prefer it on you, Bruni! [Takes one end of the bed] Come on, someone give me a hand with this.


Austin : Good idea, come on everyone, put your backs into it! [Feebly tries to push the bed]


Alice: [Pushing hard] I -- can't -- move -- it!

Darius: That's because you're pushing against the others, you idiot! [Joins in with Austin and Sebastian]


Charlie: [Joins Austin in shoving the bed] Hurry, group! We cannot let them through!


[The bed bangs up against the door just as it begins to open. It slams shut.]

Alice: Hurrah! We did it! Well done everyone! [Looks around] Uh, what now?


Austin : Super work team! [Claps his hands] Now. Perhaps we find an escape route? Over the roof tops maybe? [Looks for a way into the loft]


[No entrance to the loft from here, so only out through the window.]

Alice: [Looking out the window] Hey! They're all dead!


Harvey: [Surprised] Really? Hmm, well ok. Well done, Troop!


Sebastian: Whoohoo! [Tries to give Alice a high five]

Alice: [Ducks, as though Sebastian was going to slap her] Hey! What the hell is wrong with you?

[There are two HARMA officers lying on the road outside.]


Charlie: [Quickly looks around] What happened to them? Should we make a break for it?


[The door opens again, pushing the bed slightly.]

Sebastian: If they killed HARMA guys who were trying to capture us, I say they're probably friendly!


Austin : [Panic stricken] Oh my god, oh my god! [Rushes to the window] Can you see Amelia, is she okay? [Looks for Amelia]


Charlie: [Frantically looks out the window] I don't see her, so perhaps she is safely inside a building. Let us go look for her. We might as well try to escape while we can!


Alice: Maybe that's her! [Points to one of the bodies]

Mac: They're both men, so I doubt it.

Darius: [Pushing the bed back against the door] Hey! Enough about his girlfriend! Whoever did that is probably at the door! How about some help here?


Austin : [Tries to climb out off the window] Quickly! This way!


[The door opens, sending the bed sliding across the floor, just as AUSTIN gets halfway out the window. Enter WILHELMINA, looking like she did at the end of the Mat Vitzbah.]

Wilhelmina: [With a big smile] Hi everyone!


Charlie: [Gasps] Will, darling! It isn't safe for you here. HARMA officials are everywhere. [Worriedly] Are you all right? [Goes to fuss over Wilhelmina and to give her a big hug]


Austin : [Looks relieved] Oh! Hi Will, good to see you, I thought it was someone else! Did you take care of those HARMA agents out there? Nice work!


Harvey: [Looks at one of the bodies] Um, yes, HARMA officials are *everywhere*...


Austin : [Happy and relieved] I think Will could make a good addition to the team. We should probably consider interns as someone will have to take over from us when we retire, don't you think?


Wilhelmina: [Returns Charlie's hug warmly] Oh, Mother! Don't be such a fusspot! [Slowly and clearly to Harvey] No, they are not everywhere. These people here. [Gestures to the party] They aren't HARMA members. They are the party. [To Austin with a smile] I'm not an intern, Austin. I'm going to be a Watcher!


Austin : Indeed! But, you are far too talented to be a Watcher, don't you think? You'd make a fine knight! [Nods at Charlie] Don't you think so?


Dur: Perhaps her mother could learn a thing or two about how to handle the group's problems, huh? [Indicating the dead HARMA members]


Charlie: [To Dur] Do be serious! She is only a child. Clearly that [nods at the dead HARMA agents] is the work of Pestilence. [To Will] Where IS your father, dear? I know he would not leave you wandering alone and unprotected.


Alice: I don't know, Dur. If we combine her ruthless organizational abilities with a willingness to kill anyone who annoyed her, we'd have a real problem on our hands!

Will: Oh, Dad's out doing evil somewhere, I'm sure. [Takes out a notepad] Have you seen everyone who's here? All the Knights? It's fascinating! [To Austin] My ego isn't nearly big enough to be a Knight.


Austin : Well it just takes practice! [Smiles, then realizes what he said. To Will] You did have help to kill those HARMA didn't you?


Will: Which ones?


Charlie: [To Will, alarmed] Will, you didn't kill anyone, did you?! [Glances at Austin] And certainly no ladies?


Dur: [Grumpily] Better a handful of HARMA agents than I vat full of babies,I always say...


Will: No! Of course I didn't kill any ladies. Today. [To Dur] And good for you. [Takes out a copper piece and hands it to him]


Harvey: [Carefully] Aaaaand did you hurt anyone today?


Austin : [Looks concerned again, and goes to the window to look for Amelia] I am sure it is nothing more serious than a vivid imagination!


Will: Just those guys who were lighting the fire. Look, forget that, did you know that there are a bunch of Custos-Clementines here?

;;; These were Clementine's strongest supporters, and committed

;;; Anti-Paths, so sworn enemies of the Knights and Watchers.


Dur: [Thinking] Know I don't think we did know that? Unless someone forgot to tell me about it! [Glares accusingly at the rest of the group]


Alice: [Defensively] It wasn't me! I'm sure I'd remember forgetting something!


Austin : [To Will, concerned] No, we didn't we have had a few other issues to deal with, but this sounds more serious.


Will: [Takes out a notepad which looks similar to the ones Charlie normally has, but smaller and more fluorescent] I took some notes on my mIpad. I spotted Leviticus, eating a burger with some gay looking weirdo in a green costume.


Charlie: [Groans] That would be Peter Deadpan, one assumes! [Startled] But why is he talking to Leviticus?!


Austin : Perhaps we can find Peter and ask. I expect that he has a fiendishly clever, yet elegant, plan.


Will: He and Leviticus seemed to be great friends -- Leviticus was laughing so hard that some brain came down his nose.


Austin : [Laughing] Oh, that's just Peter, he is absolutely hilarious!


Will: [Gives Austin a sceptical look, before writing something in her mIpad.] Really?

Bruni: So, what are you doing here, Will?

Will: You know, end of the world and all that? This should be fascinating! I would hate if I missed it!


Harvey: Well, if you are around every time the world is about to end, you must be a very busy young lady, what?


Clint: Part of the job, Harv. We should see about some kind of plan, like "save the world twice, get a burger for free" or something.


Will: This time it really will! I think it will be terribly exciting! I'm hoping that my first scientific paper will be about it!


Charlie: [Unreasonably excited] Oh, how thrilling! [Digs through her knapsack and produces an enormous binder jammed with paper] I have made a few notes on the subject, myself, and I would be delighted to share them with you.


Clint: Careful, Will! That way lies coauthorship!


Will: Oh, Mother! A binder? How very last decade of you. [To Clint] Nah, she'll get an acknowledgement, at best. [Sniffs] You know, you don't really smell all that bad at all!


Austin : And peer review! [Shudders]


Clint: [To Will.] Obviously you've got better taste than these guys! And don't worry about peer review. A little cash here, a few veiled threats there, and you're set!

;;; Good call, Dom. Peer review is by far my least favorite part of this

;;; whole scientist gig!


Austin : Come now Mr Scar, let us not encourage bad habits!

;;;; The only profession in the world where you ask your competition

to support your cause!


Will: Oh please. One dead reviewer from the Journal of Cryptozoology and they'll never give me a bad review again!

;;; True, but they need you to support theirs!


Clint: Plus, that's one more job opening or one less competitor for that cushy tenure-track position!

;;; Thus neatly explaining coauthorship!


Harvey: Well, this certainly explains a great deal. Much better when I can simply give an order and expect it to be carried out - that's what command is, what?


Will: Maybe a hundred years ago, when you were in charge, but Mother is the leader of the party now, what!


Charlie: [To Will, shocked] That is no way to handle professional disagreements! [Reassuringly] I think you will find that VERBALLY eviscerating your rivals is MOST satisfying.


Clint: But less helpful in navigating the peer review process, I bet!

;;; So Charlie's expert parenting skills have clearly resulted in a stable,

;;; well-balanced young demonling! =)


Will: [Puts on an innocent face] Sure! So, hey, I found that witness! [Looks around at the party with expectation]


;;; Isn't she lovely?! ; )

Charlie: [To Will, puzzled] What witness, dear?


Will: On the train! There was a guy hiding in that carriage! Where you stole the -- [stops and looks at Bruni for a moment, before lowering her voice] you know, where you guys looked at the, uh, stuff. He saw the whole thing.


Charlie: [Confused] How could you have seen that? Where were you? [Uneasily] Where is the witness now, darling? [Hopefully] Safe and sound, waiting to be questioned?


Sebastian: [To Will] How did you find out there was a witness? [To everyone] Thinking about it, could Peter have become an anti-path and this meeting was all a trick to get the potion to ensure the realms destruction? [To Austin] And for future reference, in that bad romance of yours, if you tell her you now want to be an anti-path, I'm sure you'd send your lady gaga, and she'd tell you anything you asked.

;;; Sorry! I couldn't resist that one when I was catching this morning

on over 150 posts! That's the last time I allow myself to fall ill!


Clint: Haw! Kid's going to escort us, you mean!

;;; Looks like the blogger's off the list. Think I have it back on.


Will: Mother! I'll be fine! [Waves to each party member in turn] Bye everyone; Uncle Harvey, Uncle Austin, Auntie Alice, Uncle Clint, Dur, Little Sebbie!

[Exit WILL.]

;;; Thanks Tom! That was you, Dom -- post 145. I think

;;; you responded to me not Drew


Charlie: [Watches Will go, beaming with pride] Oh, hasn't she turned out marvelously well? She will make a wonderful watcher!


Clint: Especially if she takes my career advice!


Bruni: She won't be a Watcher.


Charlie: [Shrugs happily] Well, I suppose she could be a Knight instead--or as well! She is so bright and talented, the options are endless!


Clint: So, we going to try to get this cookout back together?


Bruni: [Sadly] Oh, Charlie! She can no more be a Knight than Pestilence can. She's half-demon. Evil Cannot Resist.

;;; This saying has been floating around since 7.1.1, when Ted

;;; Everyman told the party that he had a vision of them discussing

;;; it. It is generally accepted that although it means that evil

;;; dimensions can't help themselves when it comes to attacking good

;;; ones.


Charlie: [Snaps] My daughter is NOT evil. You know nothing about her!


Clint: Yeah! She's only *half* demon, and so what if her father raised her? You saw her - she's got some clipboard-loving, note-taking geek in there, too!


Bruni: It has nothing to do with who raised her. It's what's in her.


Austin : Well there is always a first, always an exception. She seems pretty exceptional to me!


Harvey: Indeed, I've met her on several occasions and she's not killed me yet, what?


Darius: Not yet!

Bruni: I'm sure she is exceptional, and she seems like a nice kid, but you only truly see what people are capable of when they're under pressure.

Alice: Like stabbing your sister in the eye?

;;; Reference to Book VIII, Act III, and Bruni's sister:

;;; http://www.queens-view.com/wiki/index.php/Grimhild_Rasumussen_Ostergaard

Bruni: Sure did! It was a hoot!


Charlie: [To the party, gratefully] Thank you, group! [To Bruni] What you say is true of Pestilence, but NOT Wilhelmina. Pestilence learned to help people because it was important to me, but he couldn't overcome his instincts. Will's instincts are to help. You heard her. She's planning to be a Watcher, for Phili's sake!


Mac: Remember Monty?

Alice: No.

Mac: Your first Watcher?

Alice: No.

Mac: Traveled with you for several years?

Alice: No.

Mac: Tried to sacrifice all of you to a demon?

Alice: No.

Mac: Thrown in jail by the Watchers and swore an unholy revenge on all of you?

Alice: No.

Mac: [Stuck] Hm. I don't know... wore glasses?

Alice: Oh! Monty! [Big smile] How is he? We haven't seen him in AGES! [Looks around] I thought he was still with us!

Mac: He was thrown in jail by the Watchers for trying sacrifice you lot to a demon; he's currently plotting some unholy revenge against all of you.

Alice: Aw! It's nice that he remembers us!


Charlie: Mr. Giles was a glaring exception. Most Watchers devote their entire lives to protecting and helping others, often sacrificing their personal happiness for the greater good. Will is following in a noble family tradition, and she will make us all quite proud, I am certain.


Bruni: Great!

Darius: Joe Nunpar is about to give a speech in the town square. You guys should probably go along.


Charlie: [To Darius, surprised] Why on earth would we want to do that? We are trying to stay away from HARMA. Shouldn't we take this opportunity to get away?


Darius: Your buddy Peter has a surprise planned. It'll be great. Now, if you don't mind, it's Sexy Lady Day!


Austin : [Excited] Excellent! I expect that Peter has a brilliant suprise, I can't wait, let's go! [Heads to the stairs]


Mac: I'll stay here. [Gets into a comfortable chair that's facing the bed] Got any more of these sandwiches.

Bruni: [To Darius] He'll be fine. Now, pass me my eye-stabbing knife!

[Exit the party.]

;;;; end of scene, next one coming right up!


Harvey: A brilliant surprise such as having been mauled by a wild bear, what?


[Book VIII, Act XII, Scene V. The streets of Queens View. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN are here, still wearing their aprons.]

Alice: Should we take these off? They look a bit crazy, don't they?

[The party get to the town square, which has a good gathering of people there. They can spot various Knights dotted around, each of whom is still wearing an apron.]


Charlie: [Nods at the other Knights] Keeping them on seems to be the done thing, so perhaps we should follow along. I wonder what nonsense Peter has planned?


Sebastian: [In a hushed voice] So are you guys Watchers or Knights?


Charlie: [To Sebastian] I used to be a Watcher, but I was fired for allegedly accepting money from a demon, thanks to my miserable, vengeful worm of a brother! [Quickly] May Phili rest his soul!


Sebastian: Ever thought about trying to get your job back?


Charlie: Goodness, no! I have scarcely had time to consider the matter, with all that has happened since then!

;;; Since Charlie was fired, Pestilence killed her father,

;;; she got pregnant and had Wilhelmina, the party killed Clementine,

;;; and most of her entire family was burned alive by enemies of

;;; Pestilence. It's been a tough year for Charlie!


Sebastian: [To Charlie] So you were a Watcher while part of the party? [To the rest of the party] What about the rest of you guys?

;;; Ouch. Out for an hour or two. Got to call in to the doctors for

pain meds and do a bit of shopping.


Harvey: No doubt the Watchers could benefit from my leadership, but who would command the troop, eh?


Charlie: [Laughs and gives a rather undignified snort] Oh, Colonel! Really, you are TOO amusing at times. The thought of YOU presenting a rousing, articulate defense of groundbreaking scientific research--and I shudder to think how you would fare in the Filing Assessment!


Alice: He'd be ridic! I mean, look at how jagged his nails are!


Harvey: [With a sniff] Any force such as the Watchers requires a strong guiding influence in command, what? [To Charlie, sternly] Particularly if you are an example of their ilk, Private.

;;; No respect for the elderley and slightly insane!


Charlie: [To Alice, scoffing] Oh, do be serious! It was the Watcher's Academy, not the Beauty Academy! [To Harvey, modestly] To be fair, I graduated at the top of my class, so I would hardly say I am a [finger quotes] typical example.

;;; Yeah, but consider the source! Sanity has

;;; never been Charlie's strong suit, either! ; )


Austin : [Agreeing, with a smirk] You have never been a typical example. [Casually checks his nails] How many students were in your class?


Charlie: [Red-faced] It is not the size of the class that counts, rather the quality of student! [Abruptly] Now, I do wonder what that rascal Peter is up to now? Does anyone see him? [Looks around for Peter]


Austin : [Smugly] He is probably dispensing his wisdom somewhere close by, [Looks around] telling people about our brilliant victories over evil.


[Enter CHOCOLATAY, onto a huge stage in the middle of the town square.]

Chocolatay: Everyone, please put your hands close together for Colonel Joe Nunpar!

[Enter JOE. All the HARMA officers in the square make gestures as though they are about to clap, but stop just short, so there is no noise.]


Charlie: [Groans] Now applause has been outlawed? How ever will I know just HOW much people enjoy my work at my next conference?


Clint: [Makes an entirely different hand gesture in Nunpar's general direction.]


Alice: I think the answer will be zero.

;;; Out for an hour!


Clint: Anyway, I bet they outlaw your next conference, too, so why worry?


[JOE strides onto the stage.]

Joe: [Holds up his hand] Thank you, friends.

[The silent applause continues for another minute.]

Alice: These people make me want to throw up!


Austin : I hope the speech is silent too!


Sebastian: If we start cheering, making it look like we enjoy seeing Joe, do you think they will outlaw him too? Since he would be seen as a fun guy to us?


Charlie: It's a good idea, but Nunpar has too much power, I fear! I suspect we would only succeed in being arrested ourselves.


Harvey: Indeed, the act of enjoying ourselves would be deemed the more serious crime, what? [Thinks] I say, he wouldn't be enjoying his power, would he?


Alice: The smugometer is off the scale!

Joe: [Addressing the crowd] Friends, Harmans and Queensviewians, welcome to the New World. There is a dark power approaching the Realms, and we will be the only ones to survive!

[There is a crack of lightning in the sky.]


Sebastian: I'm surprised having friends isn't outlawed

;;; You jumped a number Conor


Austin : We don't know that it isn't. [Looks at the thundercloud dubiously] Something is very wrong here.


Charlie: I'm sure that's coming! [Watches the sky apprehensively] That was worrying well-timed!


Joe: Behold! The New World is about to be born!

;;; Gone until 2.30!!


Austin : [Very worried] Should we kill him now?


Sebastian: Why would we do that? Isn't he saving our lives by having us here? Anyway, now might be the time for someone to drink the potion.


Charlie: [Nods at Sebastian] I think you might be right, but we'd better wait to see what, if anything, Peter has planned! We only have one chance at using the potion, so we cannot take chances with it.


Sebastian: And if I am right, how do we know who to have drink it?


Charlie: We don't, but if it can only be taken by those on The Path, we are spoiled for choice with all of these Knights about. Perhaps Peter could tell us who is the furthest along The Path?


Sebastian: Peter would no doubt say himself, would he not?

;;; That's 3 from me. Is it the one furthest along the path

;;; or least along the path that need to drink it for it to work?


Austin : [Confidently] It has to be Peter, he is the furthest along the Path.


Charlie: [To Austin, wryly] Perhaps, if sarcasm propels one further down The Path!

;;; According to Boddy, "The further along someone is,

;;; the better they can handle it." So, I guess the further,

;;; the better!


Sebastian: But if Peter is far enough along the Path, he won't see us with our aprons on. If he sees us, it's not him.


Harvey: By the saints! We need to find out whether it's him or not. The only way is through a daring recon mission, doomed to death and failure, and because of the danger it's obviously volunteers only. [Thinks] I volunteer... Dur. [Claps Dur on the back] Good man,Doctor! We're all counting on you, what?

;;; Sporadic posting all day, then I'm out till Tuesday


Sebastian: Or we could just to where Peter is and if he can see us with our aprons on we know it's not him

;;; Out for a couple of hours


Alice: Or maybe Peter's right in front of us and we can't see him because WE'RE too far along the Path!


Clint: Or maybe we just ask someone to look for him? There's an entire crowd of Watchers here. Make them work for us for a change! Hell, make them work, period, for a change!


Austin : [Looks doubtful] Surely we would have super powers if we were any measurable distance along the Path? Like immunity to normal weapons, and erm, telepathy or something?


Harvey: And the ability to choke people with our minds, what?


Sebastian: Or the ability to detect hidden weapons? Like all the powers Alice gave us on her wedding day?


Alice: That kind of thing, but not given by a beautiful bride!

Joe: Friends, unbeknownst to you, Queens View is built over a gate to hell! We will harness its power to build an impenetrable shield around Queens View, or, as it will become known, Joestown!

;;; The party DID know this, and even once passed through hell

;;; on the way into Queens View


Austin : [Checks his nails briefly] Good points! good points.


Clint: That can't be good. Almost like HARMA *wants* the invasion, so they can finish taking over!


Charlie: [Gasps] What a horrid name! And what a nefarious plan!!


Joe: [Holds up the potion bottle] And look, my friends! Confiscated from the pits of hell itself! Only I, your fearless leader, am brave and pure enough to drink it!

;;; Yes, that is pee!


Austin : [Looking very smug] Oh, this is going to be great.

;;; yes, and not just anyone's pee!


Charlie: [Watching gleefully] Oh, Mr. Scar! What a wonderful gift you have given us all!

;;; EWWWW.


Dur: [Watching and waiting] Anyone else suddenly thirsty?


Sebastian: Now is the time, I'm sure of it. You're right Dur. But who drinks it? Who is far enough along the Path? Can't be any of us because the aprons aren't hiding anyone from us. Not even each other. Maybe it is Peter. Or, as much as I don't trust him, Sven?


Clint: [Modestly, to Charlie.] It's a talent.


Alice: But where is Peter?

[JOE triumphantly downs the potion.]

Joe: It tastes like nectar! [Finishes it off] Like golden... uh... [looks a distinctly ill]

[PETER advances onto the stage.]


Clint: Haw!

;;; I figure, says it all.


Sebastian: If we are right and Peter is the one, we need to find a way to get the potion to him. Though I wonder why Phili thought he was the one. He did ask us to get the potion after all. Pity it isn't one of us.


Alice: And why didn't he tell us that Peter was the one?

Peter: [Holds his hands up and begins intoning] Jahannam Nekna Infern! Lanfe Elle Pazeme!

[The ground is rocked with a massive earthquake.]


Austin : [Looks around, concerned] Did any one get a programme? It would be nice to know what is going on!


Charlie: You are so right, Mr. Sleaze! I do hate these amateur productions. One never knows when to anticipate the intermission!


[The ground rocks and cracks open. Deep below the party can see rivers of fire and lava.]

Alice: I think this is where we scream and panic!


Sebastian: That or the potion gets drunk. It's now or never guys, someone has to drink it. I bet that's the only way to stop this from happening given Joe just tried to drink it.


Austin : Or applaud! But I agree, running away would be a good idea [Looks for somewhere to run to]


Alice: But surely Peter knew we had it! Boddy did!

[The ground begins to separate, and suddenly the part that the party are on shoots high up in the air, sticking out of the ground. Around them they can see that several other pillars have shot out of the ground, most of them holding various Knights.]


Charlie: [Unnerved] Oh, what IS Peter doing?! [Worriedly] You don't suppose he's gone rogue, like Sven?


Sebastian: Okay, well, Peter is saving us good guys. Who has the potion anyway?

;;; Dur wasn't it?


Alice: Clint has it!

[The pillars continue their climb as lightning crashes all around them. They continue high up into the sky.]

Snyder: [Who's hanging onto another pillar, clearly terrified] Hi gang!


Austin : [To Snyder] What the hell is going on? This isn't a shield! Is it?


Snyder: No! I think this is how the Knights are going to stop whatever the hell is going to attack us from that dimension.

Alice: What dimension?

Snyder: [Points at where the lightning is flashing from] That one!


Charlie: [Skeptically] How are these pillars going to do that?!


Snyder: It's really quite simple. [Thinks for a moment] Uh, hey, you're not even a Watcher still. Shut up!

;;; out for 1.5 hours


Austin : [Deadpan] All charm. Such a helpful chap. [To Charlie] Perhaps the pillars will form the bars of a cage that will trap whatever falls out of the cloud? Then we can all throw rocks at it?


Dur: Errrr.... What is we all drank an equal portion of the potion? We may not be as strong as one singular imbiber but at least we could try stopping= whatever is going on with [Makes a dramatic pose holding up two fingers ina V] TEAMWORK!


Alice: Wow, Dur, that's actually not an entirely awful idea!

[The pillars start to lean to the side, so that they all are all heading towards each other.]


Dur: I don't know what's more frightening, our impending doom or the fact that Alice just said I had a good idea! Perhaps we should give it a try and = on the double?!

;;; How many pillars are there again?


Charlie: [Hesitantly] Perhaps we should, though I am rather uneasy, following a plan of Dur's! Shall we, group?


Alice: Hang on -- just us? Or all the Knights?

[Crash! The party's pillar collides with PETER's one.]

;;; At least ten, with all the other Knights


Charlie: That depends! Is there enough for everyone? Shall I test it first and see if a sip does anything? It might just be wasting the potion if we aren't sure how far it will divide!


Austin : [Terrified, holding on to Alice. To Charlie] But your sip might waste it, or kill you! Either we all take an equal swig, or we give it to Peter!


Alice: Really? Give it to him?

Peter: [With disgust] No. It would be better to give it to some idiot with awful hair. [Holds his hand out to Austin]


Charlie: [In a low voice] Let us all take an equal amount, then. I trust us more than I'd trust Peter!


Dur: I think it should be us! [Takes off his shoe and holds it up for a swing of the potion] and we better hurry!


Austin : [A little Surprised] Okay! Let's do it!


Boddy: [Calling from another pillar] No! Don't be stupid! It'll kill you!


Dur: I say we won't know until we try!


Austin : [Clearly very nervous] It is a fine day to save the world or die trying!

;;;awa hame


Charlie: [To Peter, warily] What are your plans for the potion? And why must we all hide from Phili?!


Dur: Now's not a time for questions! It's a time for action! We can worry about the consequences later!


Clint: [Takes some of the potion.] Haw! What kind of sissy worries about consequences, anyway?


;;; No posting until Monday!!


;;; because we're all dead???!!!!!

Thank you,

Kevin Day, CBA Credit Manager - Western Region, and Ok, La, Ar =20 Lehigh Hanson, LLC 300 E. John Carpenter Frwy Irving, Texas 75062 =20 Office: (972) 653-5541 Mobile: (214) 334-3627 Fax: (469) 586-1605 E-mail: kevin.day@hanson.com

-----Original Message----- Sent: Thursday, November 08, 2012 4:20 PM To: Tom Henderson Cc: Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA; Heather; dom; Marc-Andrew Hunnam Nicholas; John Ludlow; Tom Henderson; qvblogger@gmail.com

;;; No posting until Monday!!


;;; No, just Dur!!


[CLINT takes a sip.]

Peter: Oh for crying out loud! Don't drink it all! We all have to have some?

Alice: Uh, does he actually mean that? Or is he being sarcastic?

;;; As anyone who knows him well attest, Peter is the most sarcastic

;;; man in the Realms!


Charlie: [Admiringly] How dashing of you, Mr. Scar! You are quite right. There is no need for further hesitation, and we must act now! [Tries to take the flask from Clint to take a sip, but only after prissily wiping the mouth of the flask first]


[The platforms begin to join together and form one enormous platform, now hundreds of feet into the sky. The newly formed one begins to extend to where the lightning is appearing from.]

Alice: Uh, I wonder what happens next!


Sebastian: We finish drinking the potion I guess. Even if it is going to kill us. Though weren't we told if more than one person drinks from the potion then it won't work? It's one person and one person only?


Charlie: I'm not sure anyone has claimed to know precisely how this works! It all seems rather theoretical at the moment, doesn't it?

;;; I'm not sure! Conor? I think Boddy just said the thing about

;;; it works better the further you've gone down The Path?


Snyder: Everybody should drink some! It'll kill one person, but if everyone takes some and shut down the gate that's about to open, then maybe, just maybe we can stop those scumbags and even have some survive!


Charlie: [Takes her sip and hands the flask to Sebastian. To Snyder, uneasily] Is THAT the plan? How many [finger quotes] scumbags are we expecting?!


Austin : [Tries to take the potion after Charlie, and sip his share] Come on everyone! Get a move on!

;;; out for the rest of the day


Sebastian: Oh well [Takes the flask from Charlie as she passes it to him] In for one GP, in for a 100 GP's [Takes a sip of the potion] Guess I'll see you guys in the next life. No way am I as far along the Path as the rest of you to be able to survive. [Hands the potion to Austin]


[AUSTIN takes his sip, and HARVEY takes the bottle.]

;;; John is out

Harvey: [To Sebastian] Nonsense, Private! We need to be more positive than that, what! There's no guarantee we'll all be in the same afterlife!


Sebastian: You're right, of course, Colonel. It was rather negative of me, to assume Austin would have to share his afterlife, with the rest of us.


;;; Dom is gone for the day

Austin: That's okay, Sebastian. I'm not offended that your idea of heaven is eternity with me. [Hands the potion on to Alice]

Alice: [Holds it up to look at it] Ew! Backwash!

[The platform continues towards the lightning, which is actually quite a bit higher. However, as well as extending, the entire platform is also rising.]

Snyder: Come on! Hurry up!


Charlie: [To Snyder, concerned] How is it supposed to feel? Is it supposed to work right away? Perhaps we need to experiment with dosages before we share it all out!

;;; Do we feel anything?


Snyder: If you people didn't insist on Bogarting that strength potion, maybe we could figure it out!

[ALICE takes a sip before passing it to DUR, who takes some and passes it to SNYDER. The lightning flashes get stronger and stronger.]

Harvey: Weapons at the ready, troop!

;;; No one feels anything yet!


Dur: Maybe we can try holding up the pillars?


[The platform finally stops rising, as SNYDER drinks some of the potion and passes it to the other Knights and Watchers.]

Alice: [Peering over the edge] Yikes! How high up are we?


Charlie: [Looks around] And WHERE are we, exactly?


Alice: [Points back behind the party, with a look of dread] Uh. I think I just figured it out.

;;; End of scene -- next one coming up in about an hour!


[Book VIII, Act XIII, Scene VI. The Very High Platform. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN are here, along with dozens of Knights and Watchers. The platform is miles up in the air, and extends from where the party are to where the lightning is flashing from, about quarter of a mile away. ALICE is pointing back behind the party, who turn to look. They can see that they are close to the balcony from which PHILI wanted them to throw the babies earlier. PHILI watches them from the balcony.]

Phili: Go Team!


Charlie: [Huffily] I am SO glad you are enjoying yourself. You do realize we are all at great risk?!


Phili: The whole world is at risk, Charlie! And don't worry, I'll help! [Hastily] Although, clearly I can't personally get involved, as it would cause too much of a tilt in the balance towards evil.


Sebastian: Again. And we wouldn't want to have to kill babies again.


Phili: Agreed! It would take ages to get all those babies together -- if I used my god-like powers, even that would cause a tilt. I had to rely on the Yellow Tie Guys to do it. I must admit, I was a bit worried you guys wouldn't turn it all around in the end with Bonald.


Clint: Yeah, well, I'm still mad about the babies thing, but I guess we've got more important things to worry about for now, so...

;;; Completely forgot to mention that today is a holiday here in the US,


Charlie: [To Phili, horrified] YOU were behind the Yellow Tie Guys?!


Sebastian: Why does that not even surprise me?


Phili: I certainly was not! They just happened to do me a favour!

[The potion gets passed down the line, so more people take a drink. It stretches surprisingly far. Shimmering circles appear near the platform, and various people jump through them. Most are unknown to the party, but amongst them are DARIUS, COCAN and MILICENT FLUFF.]


Charlie: [Looking around, worriedly] How do we know the potion is working? Surely we cannot be ingesting much of it.


Sebastian: The potion might be self replicating. There's no way that small bottle held enough for a small sip for each of us, so maybe one sip is enough to make the potion be able to multiply in size once inside our bodies to be able to do what it was intended to do, that way more than one of us can drink from it. I'd wager that once we're done after we've all had a drink, if the vial isn't full again, it will certainly still have some inside. I believe Phili, of course he wouldn't have been behind the Yellow Ties. Okay he admitted to the babies, and as much as I hated doing it, it was needed to save our realm. But he wouldn't go that far, I'm sure of it.


Alice: Maybe it's just very strong?

Phili: Hey! I just told you I wasn't behind the YTGs! You know, I'm standing right here -- and I'm omnipotent!

Alice: [Sniggers] Phili can't get it up!


Charlie: That isn't what-- [sighs] well, we haven't time for a vocabulary lesson just now! I wonder how much longer we have? Perhaps we should coordinate a combat strategy with the others?


Darius: [Draws his sword] It's all hands on deck, Charlie. [Points to where the lightning is coming from] An army of demons are about to burst through there, and any we don't kill will be unleashed on the Realms.


Sebastian: [To Darius] So do we jump in to the lightning or what?


Charlie: [Readies her sword] That might take us to another dimension, so perhaps we'd better cut them off as they enter ours!


Austin : [Readies his sling shot, nervously] Anyone feeling super powerful yet?


Charlie: [Shakes her head] Not unless it manifests as nerves! [Muses] Perhaps it does! Some sort of adrenaline response?

;;; I'm assuming we don't feel anything yet?


Alice: I don't feel anything!

[PESTILENCE appears, from another shimmering portal.]

Alice: Uh oh. If that potion is going to work, it had better start working soon -- it just tasted like water!

Pestilence: That's because it is water.

[A huge demon, FLUKE, bursts out of the far end of the platform, about quarter of a mile away. He is at least thirty feet tall.]


;;; Nothing!

[Another FLUKE appears, followed by two more.]

Pestilence: [Takes out a potion] This is the potion. [Swallows the entire thing]


Harvey: A heightened need to protect your commanding officer, no doubt!

;;; Back in now.


Charlie: [Watches Pestilence, stunned] Darling, what have you done?! We must stop this invasion, and that potion was our only chance!


[More FLUKES appear, bursting onto the platform.]

Pestilence: We never had a chance. [Draws his sword and drives it into Charlie]

[CHARLIE falls to the ground and PESTILENCE turns to the stunned onlookers, holding his blood stained sword up. Demonically, he licks her blood off it, before charging towards the oncoming FLUKES.]

Alice: Charlie!


Sebastian: It's okay, he's probably got a plan. [Kneels down to cast Healing Touch on Charlie if she is still alive.] I bet he never really turned evil, and that's why he took the potion.


Clint: [Tries to help Sebastian by shielding Charlie's body from combat. Angrily] You're forgetting the guy was evil to start with! [Glances at Charlie] Can you do anything for her? That wound doesn't look good. . . .

;;; Thanks for the loaner, Tom!


Alice: Never really turned evil? Was he ever any other way?

[CHARLIE is, unfortunately, quite dead.]


[PESTILENCE appears to grow as he charges towards the FLUKES, and attacks them like a maniac, lopping heads and limbs off.]

Snyder: I still can't feel anything!


Austin : [In shock, looking at Charlie] It was just water!


Clint: [Watching Pestilence] I don't know what the hell he's up to, but he can't do this alone, can he? [Raises his sword] Come on, let's make sure none of those bastards get through!


[The party are all suddenly struck down with crippling headaches, falling onto the platform. However, they can still see the action. The FLUKES pour into the Realms through a crack in the sky, only to be mown down by PESTILENCE. The other Knights and Watchers pick off some from a distance. The flow of FLUKES begins to slow, but PESTILENCE starts to take on some hits and wounds.]

Alice: He can't do it!

[Finally overcome, PESTILENCE falls dead, whereupon the FLUKES tear him to pieces. So consumed are they with killing PESTILENCE, they barely notice the other Knights picking them off. The party all lose consciousness.]

;;; End of scene!


[Book VIII, Act XII, Scene VII. The Platform. ALICE, AUSTIN, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN are here, slowly regaining consciousness. The platform is littered with bodies, most of them FLUKES, but plenty of Knights and Watchers too. Everyone's headache is starting to subside, but is still very bad.]

Alice: What the hell? What just happened?


Austin : [Pale] Charlie died! [Looks around dazed. Gets up and puts his jacket over Charlie]


Clint: [Rubbing his head] And we passed out like a bunch of little girls at Bustin Jiebers concert. [Looks at Charlie's body grimly] Why the hell did he kill her if he was going to fight on our side anyway?


Austin : [Angry] Probably to do with the Path and balance and all that nonsense. [Sighs]


Alice: And it looks like Pestilence is dead too! But look [points at the crack in the sky] That's still open!


Clint: [Picks up his sword] Right. Since we're all done fainting now, what say we go kill a crap-load of worm guys?!


Alice: I think they're all dead! Where the hell are they?


Clint: [Shrugs] I just figured more would be coming from there! [Points at the crack in the sky]


Austin : [Picks up his sling and shot] Let's hope they are all dead. [To Clint] Perhaps you could just pop over and check, Mr Scar?


Alice: Can anyone else hear someone sobbing?

[There is a distinct sound of someone sobbing from the balcony that PHILI stood at earlier.]

Alice: Or is that just my head throbbing?


Clint: [Calls out to the balcony] Hey, are you sobbing, or what?


Austin : [Sadly] No, I think someone is crying, I do hope Wil is not here, it would be devastating to see both of your parents dying like this! [Heads over towards the Balcony if he can]


Sebastian: [Looking down at Charlie] I bet he intended to bring her back using the insurance policy again. [Turns to look over at the balcony] Does it sound like Phili crying or an actual girl?


Clint: [Cringes] Oh, right. The kid. [To Alice] You should talk to her. Chicks are better at that sort of thing.


Alice: Oh, crap! I don't know what to say to her!

[PHILI looks over the balcony at the party, he is completely distraught.]

Phili: This is awful! The potion wasn't enough, even with Pestilence taking it!


Clint: [Clearly uncomfortable] Come on, man up! You're crying more than those babies you made us kill!


Dur: Enough for what?


Austin : [To Phili, panicky] How many made it through?


Clint: Too many, however many it was! I say we go find 'em and kick some ass and make Phili here break the news to Wil.


Austin : [Sadly] I expect that she already knows, she is a rather talented young lady.


Harvey: And not to mention half demon, what?

;;;Sorry folks - got swamped by stuff that didn't get done while I was away.


Clint: [Firmly] Harv, we're not making a little girl kill off the worm things!


Phili: No, they're all dead, but look! The crack is still there! I thought the sacrifice would be enough to close it!


Clint: Let me guess. You want us to do something about it! Like go in and close it from the other side or something nuts like that?


Phili: If I thought you were capable of it, I would, but it'll take something huge to shut it. There are hardly enough babies in the Realms!


Clint: [Warily] What's it going to take? Anyway, what's it hurt to leave it open? No one else seems interested in coming through!


Phili: Not yet, but more Flukes will be generated, and they will come through. Then we're completely screwed.


Clint: [Not happy] And we need to do something way worse than killing every baby in the world to stop it?! What did you have in mind?


Harvey: Perhaps we have to organize a Bustin Jieber concert?


Austin : [Shudders] It might be safe to let the realm be over run by demons!


Clint: [Nods] Yeah, I think we have to draw the line somewhere. We still have to be able to live with ourselves in the morning!


Alice: [Unconvincingly] Yeah, because it would be terrible.

Phili: [Gloomily] Even worse than that.

[Enter DR. JEROME K. TRINDLE, BSC, PHD, coming up behind PHILI.]

Jerome: You know it's time. [Slices his sword across Phili's throat, sending him flying over the edge of the balcony]

[The crack in the sky gets smaller, but doesn't close. JEROME looks over the balcony and spots PHILI, hanging onto the platform near the party.]


Austin : Sorry old bud, it's the only way! [Tries to stamp on Phili's fingers and face to send him over the edge]


Clint: [Hesitates] Are you sure about this, Lawyer? Since when are we on Jerry's side?


Austin : [Still trying to push Phili off the cliff] This has nothing to do with Jerry! We don't have enough babies, so Phili will have to do!


[PHILI looks up pleadingly.]

Alice: He's right, Stinky! And look! The tear in the sky is getting smaller. [To Phili] Sorry, P!

[Joins in with stamping on PHILI's fingers.]


Clint: [Shrugs] Sorry, big guy! You gotta admit, you kinda have it coming, though! [Joins Alice and Austin in stomping on Phili's fingers]


Dur: [Takes out his body-poking stick] You shouldn't have made us kill those babies! [Thumps Phili in the face with the stick]

[HARVEY and SEBASTIAN join in.]

Phili: [Barely audible because of his cut throat] Fools! What about the prophecy?


Harvey: If it's kill God or put on a Bustin Jieber concert, I'll take the lesser evil, what? [Stomps on Phili's face]


Alice: What prophecy? The one about killing Clementine?

Phili: Idiots! That was only half of it! You think you know what it is to suffer? You've seen nothing yet!

[PHILI lets go, falling towards the earth, spraying blood everywhere -- including over the party -- as he does.]


Clint: [Wiping the blood out of his eyes. To Jerome] What the hell did he mean about the prophecy, Jer? Is that what this is all about?


Jerome: You know what gods are like. Always having to get the last word! And just in case anyone asks, the name from now on is Phili!

[JEROME waves his hand and the party disappears.]

;;; End of scene, next one coming up in about an hour


Sebastian: Hang on, Jerome just became God? But we finished Phili off, he just struck the first blow.


[Book VIII, Act XII, Scene VIII. Harvey's House in Queens View. ALICE, AUSTIN, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN appear. The house looks the same as it did when they were here last.]

Alice: Holy crap -- what the hell did he mean by the rest of the prophecy?


Sebastian: Hang on just one moment. Jerome just became God? But we finished Phili off, he just struck the first blow.


Alice: Sure, but he struck the blow! It's just like what happened when Phili became Phili. We were there, but all we got was a dead Austin. This time, we've got a dead Charlie.


Sebastian: Fair enough then. Hey! Where's Charlies body?


Clint: [Grimly] Yeah, we better bury her. And find the kid so Alice can tell her about how both her parents just bought it. [To Alice, helpfully] Maybe leave out the part where her dad actually kills her mom.


Sebastian: Why can't we bring her back like you guys did to Austin last time? [Looking around] Still doesn't answer where her body is though.


Alice: There it is, look. [Points to behind the party] Austin was dead for months when he came back that time. And it wasn't easy -- it involved a spate of child murders, and, for a finish, it was Jerome who brought him back.

;;; She's referring to Book 7, Act 2

<P><A href=http://www.queens-view.com/Scripts/07.02.html#02.07.028>Austin's



Austin : Perhaps we should order a new suit for Charlie. When I was resurrected I had to wear the most awful clothes for several hours!


Alice: She's dead, Austin. Don't you think we should be concerned about Will?


Austin : Of course I do. I mentioned the issue already. We need to find her immediately, does anyone have an idea of where to start?


Dur: Why not just ask Char.... Oh because she's dead. Nevermind!


Clint: Well, we saw her in Queens View, so maybe there?


Alice: Maybe someone outside saw her?


Dur: Well we won't know until we get off our arses and go ask! Still, I can't help shake a slight feeling of anxiety at what we'll find when we open t= hat door!


Austin : [Finds a clean white sheet and replaces his jacket with the sheet, covering Charlie completely] We should move Charlie to some when more suitable and dignified, perhaps the library table, then we can go and find Wil.

;;; away for the rest of the day



;;; It's Will, not Wil!

[The party carry CHARLIE to another room and lay her out.]

Alice: I'm sure it'll be fine, Dur. After all, now that Jerome is God, things will be great, right? [Clearly not sure] Right?


Harvey: Of course! Jerome Trindle has always been our staunchest ally. [Thinks] Except from when he was our most vile enemy of course, what?


Alice: Yeah, and sure, he killed all of us at least once, but he did help us that time with Bruni and the potion to bring back magic to the Realms. [Confidently] I think things are going to be great! I think it'll be a whole new world! [Strides to the front door and opens it. There are bodies everywhere, looking like they've been either bludgeoned or stabbed to death]


Clint: [Grabbing his sword] Great, Bimbo! You jinxed us! [Looks around at the carnage] Did Jerry do all this? Or did some of those worm-guys get through?


[The party slowly make their way through the streets, stepping over bodies of civilians and HARMA officers alike.]

Alice: Why? Why would Jerome do this?


Clint: Because he's a murdering psychopath? Kinda surprised Charlie didn't marry him!


Alice: Maybe because she was hoping she could strike lucky with you?


Clint: Sorry, bimbo, but I'm not evil enough for that!

;;; poor misunderstood Charlie.


;;; Tom, you are enjoying my inability to post

;;; WAY too much!

On Wed, Nov 14, 2012 at 12:06 PM, Tom Henderson


;;; Tom, you are enjoying my inability to post WAY too much!

Yes. Yes I am!


Sebastian: Jerome wouldn't have done this though would he? I mean if he's become God, and then he killed HARMA, that would upset the balance again surely?

;;; Out for the rest of the day


Clint: So I guess it's the worm-guys, then! Come on, let's go find them before they do anymore damage.


Alice: Look! There's Mac! He's still alive!

[She's right. MACBRINDLEWORTH is lying on the ground, covered in blood. He waves the party over with his drink.]


Austin : [Runs over to Mac] Are you okay? Is any of this blood yours or are you just drunk?


Clint: [To Mac] Hang on, we'll help you! How many of those wormy bastards got through?


Mac: Uh, yes to both, Aus. [To Clint] None. [Coughs up some blood and takes a drink of whiskey]


Harvey: Ah, my young protege! It seems you've seen better days, what? We'll get you to a competent medical professional in no time, eh? [Looks at Dur, then back to Mac, a little less confident] Um, don't worry we'll see if we can find a competent medical professional.


Clint: [Grins and gives Mac a slap on the back] Haw! Got 'em all, did you? [Hands Mac his hip flask and nods at Dur, muttering] Come on, make with the healing!


Alice: What happened here? Who did this?

Mac: [Coughs up some more blood] Wilhelmina! [Dies]

;;; End of Book VIII! Next one coming up tomorrow