09.01.001

[Book VIII, Act IX, Scene I. Pinky's Carriage. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY, SEBASTIAN and PINKY (driving) are here, heading towards Apraxia. The carriage has slowed because DEUCE appears to be walking along the middle of the road, loaded down with weapons, heading in the direction of Queens View.]

Pinky: [To the party] Will I knock him down?

Alice: Hey! He's my fiance!

Pinky: So... will I knock him down?

09.01.002

Dur: Lets find out what's going on THEN knock him down, eh?

09.01.002

Austin : Probably best not. With all of those sword that he's carrying, you may get a puncture.

09.01.003

Clint: Haw! A real man only needs one sword anyway!

09.01.004

Alice: You brutes! [Leaps off the carriage] Deucie! Deucie! What are you doing?

Deuce: I'm going to kill Amelia Sawtell-Wallace.

09.01.005

Charlie: [Goes to join Deuce and Alice] You can't be serious, Deuce! You are NOT a murderer! What did this Sawtell-Wallace person do to you?

09.01.006

Deuce: She's the one who has the books!

09.01.007

Dur: Good enough for me! Lets get her and eat all her food!!! Err.... What books?=

09.01.007

Charlie: [Horrified] She's a book thief?! Oh, the lowest of the low! What did she take from you, poor thing?

09.01.008

Sebastian: "THE" books Charlie! The ones with that language the prophecy was written in. Want some help Deuce?


;;; gone in 30 minutes for the rest of the day

09.01.009

Deuce: I sure do, Seb. Getting hold of the weapons and hams has been no problem, but a carriage and grappling hook are not easy things to round up at 6:30 on a Friday afternoon in Apraxia.

09.01.010

Austin : Well we can certainly provide the carriage. [Smiles]

09.01.011

Sebastian: Took the words right out of my mouth Aussie

09.01.011

Charlie: [Delighted] Oh, how thrilling! You've located the books! [To Pinky] You haven't a grappling hook, by chance?

09.01.012

Pinky: What? Do you think I just travel around with the kind of equipment that can be used for breaking into places? [To the party] Is that what you think of me?

09.01.012

Clint: Hell, if you don't, we can make one from one of Deuce's spare swords!

09.01.013

Charlie: [Wryly] Well, you ARE employed by my husband, after all. Only a few of you are known for your baking and sewing skills.

09.01.014

Pinky: Yeah, okay, I do have one. It's there, [points to an adorable looking pink sewing basket] in my, er, weapons box.

09.01.015

Sebastian: So, we help get the books back, then we find out who baked Will's cake. Right?


;;; That's it from me for today guys.

;;; Won't be here Monday either.

;;; See you all Tuesday.

09.01.016

Alice: Right! And Deuce, whatever you heard about me and the Sexy Penis guys, it's not true, I promise!

Deuce: Huh? I didn't hear anything about you and Sexy Penis guys.

Alice: [Tearing up because she's so moved at his generous spirit] You're the best fiance ever! [Hugs Deuce]

09.01.017

Charlie: [Watches Alice and Deuce with a sigh] Yes. [To Pinky] I'm afraid we need to take the carriage. Be a good man and let Mr. Sotot know where we have gone and why. Tell him I'll be home as soon as I can!

09.01.018

Austin : [To Pinky on Charlie's behalf] Please.

09.01.018


;;; Bank holiday today so no posting from Europe -- except Dom!!!

09.01.018

:( no hols 4 me

09.01.018

Blah! You Irish and your random "yeah, we're taking the first Monday of the month off, just because!" I cannot tell you how many times I went to work on a bank holiday only to find out that we had a day off in honor of nothing in particular. Very frustrating!

09.01.019

Pinky: Uh, I guess I'll just walk then?

09.01.020

Charlie: [To Pinky, brightly] Good idea! The fresh air will do you a world of good.

09.01.021

Pinky: [Sighs heavily, and trudges off down a side road, head hanging] Okay.

Deuce: Let's go kill HARMA! Let's kill 'em all before they destroy The Books.

09.01.022

Austin : An excellent idea. How many of them are there?

09.01.023

Deuce: Four, but there's one in particular that's irreplaceable. Want some ham?

09.01.024

Charlie: [Wrinkles her nose at the ham] Focus, Deuce, focus! Tell me about this irreplaceable book at once.

09.01.025

Alice: Hang on, there are only four HARMA guys? Why do you need so many weapons?

Deuce: No, there are four books. There are hundreds of HARMA guys! [To Charlie] Puddin' Pop, it's a book that's so rare even the legends about it only exist as myths in other legends!

09.01.026

Charlie: [Absently fanning herself, crazily excited] Oh, Deuce, how thrilling! What IS this extraordinary book? Oh, I MUST see it!

09.01.027

Austin : [Looking concerned at Charlie's flirting with Deuce, glances to see if Alice has noticed] This could all get very messy. Very messy indeed.

09.01.028

Alice: [Nods at Austin] It could get very messy, Charlie goes crazy when there are books involved!

Deuce: [Dramatically] I think one was a Fatebook.


;;; Unless you've heard otherwise from me in the last few minutes, your

;;; character has no idea what that is.

09.01.029

Charlie: Ooooh, what's a Fatebook?!

09.01.030

Alice: Well, actually, Charlotte, I think you'll find that it's called [emphasis] the Fatebook. Isn't that right, Deucie?

Deuce: No, it's a Fatebook. [Looks around the party excitedly] It's a book that describes people who are on The Path and how far they've gotten!

09.01.031

Charlie: [Impressed] How interesting! And terribly well organized! [Eagerly] Did you get a look at this Fatebook?! Was I in it?

09.01.032

Austin : We should prepare for some serious disappointment.

09.01.033

Deuce: I don't know -- I didn't even know what it was until this morning!

09.01.034

Sebastian: So who writes the Fatebooks? [To the party] Any of you guys heard of them before?

09.01.035

Dur: Nope! The question is what does HARMA want with it?

09.01.036

Austin : As always, information is power. They will know the name of everyone on the Path, and how far they have progressed. [Shudders. Pauses, then lights up a cigarette in a ridiculously long holder]

09.01.037

Deuce: [Ducking to avoid being poked in the eye with the cigarette] Either that or to destroy it, Aus! They're so ignorant that they won't even know what they have!

Harvey: Nor did you, eh? Eh?

Deuce: Well... that's true, but it's not like I was going to destroy it or anything!

09.01.038

Charlie: [Intrigued] How did you come to learn about the nature of this particular book, Deuce?

09.01.039

Deuce: Research, Puddin' Pop, research! There was a symbol on the front that I'd never seen before, so once they had taken everything off me, I went in search to see what I could find out about it.

09.01.040

Charlie: [Dreamily] How wonderfully exciting! [Briskly] Quickly, where are the books being held? We must rescue them!

09.01.041

Deuce: They're in Queens View, at HARMA HQ. We hit 'em, and we hit 'em hard. Kill every last one of them before they get to burn the Fatebook.

09.01.042

Charlie: Though I agree in principle, perhaps a less homicidal approach is needed. You did say there were hundreds of them, did you not? Don't you have any friends on the inside who might help us sneak inside?

09.01.043

Deuce: [Thinks] Huh, not really, and there is that big "Not Wanted" poster of me up outside.

09.01.044

Clint: Hell, I'm fine with Deuce's plan, but maybe we should sneak in? What we need are clever disguises!

09.01.045

Sebastian: Maybe a diversion wouldn't go amiss either

09.01.046

Austin : We could try the old giant golden unicorn trick again. It worked last time [Smirks]

09.01.047

Alice: Clever disguises would be great! We could pretend we're scientists! We can all wear glasses and white coats and put our hair up in buns, and then, just at the last minute, Deuce can take it down and pull of my glasses and say "My God... you're beautiful!" [Sigh]

Deuce: [To Austin] Great idea. Where is the unicorn now?

09.01.048

Austin : Indeed, that is the problem. We would have to build one. Perhaps we could simply spread a rumor, that some one is going to slaughter a real unicorn in a nearby town?


;;;awa hame

09.01.049

Dur: I might be able to sculpt a unicorn out of stone if anyone has any gold paint!

09.01.049

Charlie: [To Austin, puzzled] And that would induce people to build a large, hollow unicorn for us?

09.01.050

Clint: Money?

09.01.051

Alice: [Looks at Clint] What? Are you begging now?

09.01.052

Sebastian: Or me and Dur could put on some kind of display using our magic to get HARMA's attention while the rest of you sneak in?

09.01.053

Charlie: That's a good idea, but we cannot split the party. What if the two of you were attacked? You would be helpless, and Dur would likely soil himself.

09.01.054

himself.

Dur: [Crossing his arms] I suppose you have a better idea?!

09.01.055

Clint: We go in at night, pretending to be the janitors?

09.01.055

Alice: [Looks at Dur] Ew! Did you just soil yourself?

09.01.056

Sebastian: Getting them to try and attack us is the idea. Draw them out in to the open, and either you guys sneak in, or we ambush them. Use me and Dur as bait. Failing that, if Dur does soil himself the smell will likely incapacitate HARMA. We'll be fine though, we're with him everyday so we're immune to his odors.

09.01.057

Alice: This is HARMA HQ, right? There will be hundreds of them there! Stinky's idea is way better.

09.01.058

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Harvey: Right! [Frowns] Um, if Dur has soiled himself, then which "Stinky" are we referring to?

--20cf300faaadd0a45f04bf93af87

09.01.059

Austin : Perhaps we can talk about the mission at hand, not soiling. We do not have much time, so perhaps Alice's fantastic idea of disguising ourselves as janitors and casually sauntering in the evening is best. I will pose as the manager of the janitorial company, inspecting his staffs work. [Straightens his cuff]


;;; limited posting today

09.01.060

Charlie: [Clearly annoyed] That is a wonderful suggestion, Mr. Sleaze, with one slight modification. Naturally, I shall be the manager. We're agreed? [Not waiting for an answer] Wonderful! [To Pinky] Have you any janitorial dress you could loan us? Perhaps something inherited from your mother?

09.01.061

[Alas, PINKY is gone, sloping off, lonely and dejected.]

Alice: Why don't we all just put on our saucy French maid dresses?

09.01.062

Charlie: [Sighs, spotting Pinky in the distance] Good help is SO hard to find! [To Alice] Do be serious. Surely Harvey and Sebastian have no such dresses!

09.01.063

Harvey: Quite. Besides which, an officer should never be out of his uniform. Makes bathtime a little bit awkward, but needs must, what?

09.01.064

Alice: Maybe they could borrow some from Clint and Austin?


;;; Kevin's away for the next few days, so please keep

;;; him off the list

09.01.065

Austin : [To Charlie] Very well, you may be the manager. I shall be the CEO.

09.01.066

Charlie: [Gasps, then composes herself] Fine. Then [enormous, childish emphasis] I shall be the Chairman of the Board of Directors, with both the power to set your duties and fire you, should you fail to complete your duties satisfactorily!

09.01.067

Harvey: Hmm, I suppose that makes me the regulatory body, with the power to shut the whole operation down, what? Now, move out, Troop!

09.01.068

Last from John 67

Alice: [Jealously watching the exchange] Well, I'm going to be the Queen of Burma!!=

09.01.069

Charlie: [Embarrassed] Yes, well, the Colonel is quite right. We really should get moving. Who knows when those books might be burned?!

09.01.070

Deuce: [Starts up the horses] We can probably secure some disguises when we get there -- but be warned, there's going to be a huge amount of security.


;;; Stuck in a meeting for at least 2 hours!

09.01.071

Charlie: [Dismissively] Oh, we are well used to dealing with the likes of HARMA! [Muses] Though they DID kill me when last we met. . . .


;;; Poor Conor!

09.01.072

Alice: Damned HARMA. They employ nothing but scumbags! Scumbags and wasters! Oh, and Deucie!

[The carriage zooms off towards Queens View.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming up

09.02.001

[Book VIII, Act IX, Scene II. Approaching Queens View. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY, SEBASTIAN and DEUCE are here in the carriage.]

Alice: Will it be easy to find the HARMA HQ?

Deuce: [Points to the huge pillar of smoke coming from the town] Hopefully it'll be the one that's on fire!

09.02.002

Charlie: [Gasps] Not the books! Hurry, group! We must save them!

09.02.002

Austin : Perhaps we should disguise ourselves as firemen. I can pass as a fire safety inspector, all be it an incredibly well dressed one.

09.02.003

Sebastian: Whatever we do we better hurry or else we will have made this trip for nothing.

09.02.004

Alice: [To Austin] Yeah? Well... I'm going to be the chairman of the firemen!

[The carriage continues towards the town. It does indeed appear to be the HARMA building that's on fire. There's a HARMA officer at the gates to the town, BARRY GOODBAR. He's keeping one eye on the fire and one on the road that the party are approaching from.]

Alice: Yikes, this guy's eyes are pretty freaky!

09.02.005

Charlie: Quickly, have we any disguises about? If not, perhaps we just need to rush past the gates!

09.02.006

Alice: Deuce has a shiny red fireman's helmet! [Gives Deuce a saucy wink]

Deuce: [Irritated] No I don't! Why would I have something like that? Come on, think!


;;; Kevin's on holidays

Dur: Maybe one of us could have his face painted red and make a kind of neenaw sound?

09.02.007

Harvey: No, I can't think of any reason why you would have a shiny red fireman's helmet, what? However, my niece says you have one, so that must be the case, what? Now, hand it over. [Holds out his hand expectantly]

09.02.008

Austin : Well, if we can all find some buckets, water and perhaps a hosepipe or two, we will at least look as if we could put a fire out.

09.02.009

Dur: [Busily painting his face red with "Slut Red" lipstick] I think there's a big colonic irrigation kit in the back, maybe that would do?

Alice: Hey! Is that my lipstick?

Dur: [Defensively] I thought you wouldn't want it back after I ate the top of it.


;;; Out for 40 mins

09.02.010

Austin : That must be one huge kit if it is going to pass for a fireman hose [Shudders. Takes a look at the kit]

09.02.011

[It's actually two huge kits.]

09.02.012

Charlie: [Shudders] I do NOT want to know why we have those! [Takes a hose gingerly] I'm not sure how convincing this will be, but I suppose a fire is a time for panic!

09.02.013

Austin : [Passes the other hose and pump to Clint] These already have liquid in them! Well I guess we are probably better equipped for fire fighting than the HARMA.

09.02.014

Sebastian: [To Deuce] Any idea where the book will be in there?

09.02.015


;;; Sorry Tom, I have to go for it...

Clint: [Sniffs the hose and smiles] Mmm! Nice!

Deuce: Probably in the middle of the fire! Come on! [Drives towards the gate]

Barry: [Steps in front of the carriage] Halt! Who goes there?

09.02.016

Sebastian: Fireman Sam [Points to Charlie] and her Queens View Fire Brigade Volunteer Battery. We're here to put out that fire [Points towards the HARMA HQ building]

09.02.017

Austin : [To Clint] Quickly fireman Scar, dowse that man to prevent him from catching alight! [Points at Barry]

09.02.017

Dur: Nee-naw! Nee-naw!

Barry: Great! Our HARMA boys are bravely fighting the fire, they could use your help!

[A flood of screaming HARMA Officers rush passed, fleeing not only the burning building but the town.]

09.02.018

Austin : [Watching the HARMA running away] That must be quite a fire. Let's move it people!

09.02.018

Harvey: [Without a hint of sarcasm] Indeed, their bravery is most impressive. As is the speed with which they are able to cover ground, what? They are running at quite a pace!

09.02.019

Deuce: To the books! [Leaps out of the carriage and trips, knocking himself out has he does]

Alice: Deucie!

[Enter CHOCO LATAY, a HARMA Officer.]

Choco: Hey! What are you people doing here?

09.02.020

Sebastian: Queens View Fire Brigade Volunteers Battery. We're here to put out that fire. [Points to the fire] Out of the way please.

09.02.021

Choco: How do I know that you're the real Fire Brigade?

09.02.022

Sebastian: What reason would we have to lie about something like that? Don't be a fool man, the more time we waste here the more damage that fire is doing! Besides, if we weren't the real fire brigade you'd have two lots of people showing up to fight this fire.

09.02.023

Charlie: [Nods emphatically] Quite right. In any case, why would mere civilians carry hoses of this nature?!

09.02.024

Clint: Now get out of the way! Don't be the guy who fiddled around while HARMA burned!

09.02.025

Choco: How do I know you're not part of the attack?

Alice: [To Clint] Show him how powerful the hose is!


;;; Gone for the day!

09.02.026

Clint: Right! A demonstration it is... [Turns the hose towards Choco.]

09.02.027

Austin : What attack? If we had known that there was an attack I certainly would not have endangered our beloved fire fighting force! [Sighs] Oh well, we are here now, we may as well put the fire out.


;;;awa hame

09.02.028

Sebastian: Yeah, who would want to attack HARMA HQ and have the balls to actually do it?

09.02.028

On 11 May 2012 09:49, Marc-Andrew Hunnam Nicholas

Harvey: Indeed! Everyone loves HARMA, what? [To the party] If only we had some "I LOVE HARMA" flags to wave enthusiastically, eh?

09.02.029

Barry: You certainly don't sound like fire fighters. [Gives the party a real close look]

[CLINT turns the hose on BARRY, soaking him in some sort of disgusting liquid that we can only hope is dirty water.]

Barry: Glug! Something stinks about this, and it's not just me, but go on, you can go in!

09.02.030

Austin : [To the party] Full steam ahead! We have a fire to fight!

09.02.031

Alice: What about Deuce?

[DEUCE is knocked out cold, and clearly won't come to for a while. However, he seems unharmed, and is a safe distance from the fire.]

09.02.032

Harvey: Hmmm, he looks in a bad way. We should bring him into the burning building with us, to keep him safe, what? No man left behind and all that!

09.02.033

Charlie: Best tuck him in an alleyway FAR from the fire, Colonel, just to be safe! And then let us hurry!

09.02.034

Austin : Let's put Deuce in the carriage, it may save time later.

09.02.035

Alice: But it's so cold!

Deuce: [Wakes up] Look, just put me in the carriage! [Falls unconscious again]

09.02.036

Austin : [Tries to pull Deuce into the carriage by his arm, but fails to move him] Could I have some help please? Must I do everything myself?

09.02.037

Alice: What are you even trying to do? I thought we were going to bring him in with us?

Deuce: [Wakes up again] Oh for God's sake! [Climbs into the carriage] There! [Falls unconscious]

Alice: So he's NOT coming with us? Huh. Okay.

09.02.038

Charlie: Splendid! Now that that's sorted, let us save those books!

09.02.039

Alice: Great! [Thinks] Although, what are we saving them from? This place is supposed to be under attack, right?

09.02.040

Sebastian: Maybe Petsy had a really bad curry last night?

09.02.041

Charlie: [To Sebastian, haughtily] I can assure you, Pestilence is NOT behind this. He would never burn a book!

09.02.042

Dur: Would he burn a HARMA?

09.02.043

Harvey: A HARMA officer who was holding a book?

09.02.044

Charlie: [Uncertainly] Well, he was never exactly fond of HARMA, less so after one of them killed me. [Defensively] But just the same, I am SURE this was not him!

09.02.045

Sebastian: What if he didn't know about the book? Or beat us here and already has the book? [Heads closer] Are we actually putting this fire out?

09.02.046

Austin : [To Seb] No! We are here for the books, the fireman story is just our cover story.

09.02.047

Charlie: Well, unless MUST put out the fire to reach the books, of course!

09.02.047

Barry: But what if whoever has attacked those nice HARMA people also attacks us?

09.02.048

Barry: That makes sense. What books?

09.02.049

Charlie: [To Barry] You needn't worry about that. That's just fireman talk! Now, we really must get to work, so do leave us to it!

09.02.050

Barry: Okay. [Makes no move to leave]

09.02.051

Austin : [Taking some notes on his note pad] Right, come on firemen, we are way behind schedule. I do not want to have to write a bad report. Let's get moving.

09.02.052

Barry: Where's my helmet?


;;; Gone for the weekend!

09.02.053

Clint: [Thinking quickly.] It's in the carriage on the floor, I think.

09.02.054

Sebastian: Come on everyone, we're wasting time [Heads closer to the fire] We've a building save pronto!

09.02.055

Austin : [To Seb] We must get the people out first! You really need to concentrate, this is not a practice run, it is the real thing!

09.02.056

Barry: God damned amateur! [Leans into the carriage to get his helmet, only to be knocked unconscious by Clint. He falls on top of Deuce, making it look like the two of them are making love.]

Deuce: [Wakes up] Hey! Aw, guys! I know I'm unconscious, but come on! [Pushes Barry off, takes a bite of ham and then immediately falls unconscious again]

Alice: Is it just me, or does that guy [points at Barry] look just like the guy that killed Charlie?


;;; She's correct, it is the same guy.

09.02.057

Charlie: [Looks at Barry and squints] Does he? It was rather a blur for me, and these HARMA agents all look the same after a while!

09.02.058

Sebastian: Can I fry him for good measure just in case?

09.02.059

Charlie: I do appreciate the sentiment, but it would be unwise to kill a HARMA agent just for revenge, given the current political environment. [Quickly] Oh, and killing is wrong, etc!

09.02.060

Harvey: Of course it is, what?!? [To Sebastien, quietly] Some people have some odd ideas, eh?

09.02.061

Alice: How come Pestilence didn't kill him?

09.02.062

Sebastian: [To Harvey and Alice] Quite right Harvey, odd ideas indeed. He probably didn't know which one Barry was to kill him

09.02.062

Charlie: I told you, he doesn't do that sort of thing anymore!

09.02.063

Alice: Except to that guy he and Will tortured and then buried outside your house?

09.02.064

Charlie: They did NOT kill that man. You will remember that he was alive, though admittedly not exactly well, when we left him!

09.02.065

Sebastian: Oh stop being so naive Charlie. Given the condition the guy was in when we left, who else could have killed him? He was buried on your land. It makes sense it was Pestilence.


;;; Assuming we are walking to the Harma HQ building as we talk?

09.02.066

Alice: I'm sure that there's a perfectly simple explanation, Seb. For example, maybe they let him free and, quite by accident, he slipped and twisted his ankle. Then, when he was hobbling back to the house for help, he fell into a shallow pit that had recently been used for a bonfire for that local school for the blind. Then, a bird that was flying over, carrying a small rock to build its nest with, accidentally dropped it, knocking him on the head and unconscious. When they came out to fill it back in the next day, they didn't realize he was in there -- they're blind, remember -- and buried him alive. [Folds her arms] See? Perfectly simple!


;;; Yes, but very slowly!

09.02.067

Charlie: [Glaring at Alice] Or perhaps he was killed by the man he betrayed, Sven?

09.02.068

Alice: No, I think my version was far more likely.

09.02.067

Harvey: [To Charlie] Or perhaps Pestilence has been killing people all along and has just been hiding it from you, what? Now, I believe we had a mission to complete eh?

09.02.068

Austin : Well said colonel. The mission is paramaount.

09.02.069

Charlie: [To Harvey, icily] You're wrong. [To the rest of the party, trying to stay composed but clearly furious] Now, we have some books to rescue!

09.02.070

Alice: Do we have any idea where they might be?


;;; Out for about 2 hours

09.02.071

Sebastian: All your fiance said is that they are inside that flaming building. Once in there I can clear any flames from our path 3 times once the [finger quotes] hoses are empty, after that we're screwed unless there is either water in there, or Dur knows the same spell as me or something stronger [Looks at Dur]


;;; Talking about Create Water, Level 1 Conjuration Spell

09.02.072

Clint: Relax, kid, we're professionals. This isn't our first burning building!

09.02.073

Alice: That depends on what you mean, Clint. Sure, it wouldn't be the first that we set on fire, but probably the first time we were in one trying to rescue something!

[The party recklessly charge into the building.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming up

09.03.001

[Book VIII, Act IX, Scene III. The Burning HARMA Building. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN are here, carrying buckets of something that was once water. Although there are minor fires here, and the building is quite badly damaged, the fire isn't spreading too badly.]

Alice: Yeesh, how come all those HARMA guys were running away like little girls? It isn't that bad, is it?

09.03.002

Austin : Well, they did mention that they were under attack. Perhaps we have yet to see what they were running from?

09.03.003

[Enter GEORGE LaFORGE, a HARMA officer that has clashed with the party many times. He is in floods of tears, and is on the way out.]

George: Please! For the love of God! Where's my sippy?

09.03.004

Sebastian: Maybe the fire was what they were being attacked by? [Hears George screaming] What the hell is a sippy?

09.03.005

George: My sippy cup! I'll only make a fool of myself without it! [Runs off]

Alice: [Watching George go] Yeah. That was weird, wasn't it?


;;; Careful of the qv tag, Drew!


;;; Out for about an hour

09.03.006

Clint: It's HARMA, bimbo. They're all nuts. Now let's find this book before we run into more of those freaks!

09.03.007

Sebastian: [To Alice] Nope not at all. And he's certainly not already making a fool of himself, is he guys?


;;; Sorry about the tag!

09.03.008

Harvey: [Pause] Of course not! Now, we should move out, what?

09.03.009

Sebastian: But we've only just "moved in", and we haven't found the books yet!

09.03.010

Austin : [To Seb] Perhaps you want to stay here permanently? Do you think you look good in a HARMA outfit? [Sighs] Let us get those dammed books before I die of old age!

09.03.011

Charlie: Does anyone see a room that might be used as a library? [Dreamily] In my experience, they glow considerably more brightly than ordinary rooms!

09.03.012

Austin : [To Charlie] It is simply due to the extra lighting, intended to facilitate reading. A common occurence in libraries.

09.03.013

Clint: Yeah, but it makes it harder for sleeping. Another common occurrence in libraries.

09.03.014

[The party advance along the corridor and see several doors. One of them seems to have more light coming from under the bottom of it, and the distinct sound of someone sobbing.]

Alice: Could that be the library? [To the party] When I was in school, that's where all the nerds went when the cool kids were mean to them.

09.03.015

Austin : [To Alice] Did you ever see the inside of the library?

09.03.016

Charlie: [To Austin] Excellent question! [To Alice] A recent survey of library patrons in the realms revealed that only 24% were there to hide and/or weep, though lamentably there was no follow-up question to determine from whom those patrons were hiding or who made them weep. So, you see, you are merely making an ill-informed assumption about library usage.

09.03.017

Alice: [To Austin] Of course not! Why would I want to see all that weeping. And, Charlie, I think you'll find that of the remaining 74%, about 90% of them were so ashamed of their weeping, they lied about why they were there!

09.03.018

Austin : [To Alice] Rational to the end. [To the Party] Books, lets get those books people!

09.03.019

[ALICE pushes the door open slowly, to reveal TOMPARS PARIS, another HARMA Officer that the party have dealt with in the past, sitting at a desk, sobbing. Although this is an office, there are no books that immediately leap out as being candidates for the Fatebook, as they all look relatively modern.]

Alice: [To the party] What the hell is going on with these guys?

09.03.020

Charlie: If it is bad for HARMA, it is almost certainly good for us! Perhaps an underground resistance has taken over?

09.03.021

Austin : Perhaps Nunpar withdrew their unicorn room access rights?

09.03.022

Sebastian: Or maybe there is a Care Bear here who makes everyone cry?

09.03.023

Harvey: We could just ask him, what?


;;; Srry had a big meeting this morning

09.03.024

Alice: Yeah, we could, but then we wouldn't be just standing around wasting time while the building burns.

09.03.025

Harvey: Ah, good point, what? [Thinks for a moment] Time for lunch then? [Indicates the fire] We have a ready made barbecue, eh?

09.03.025

Charlie: [To Tompars] Hello there! Why are you weeping like a little girl?

09.03.026

Sebastian: [To Harvey] But what could we barbecue? [Looks to Tompars] We'll let Charlie finish "grilling" him then we can "barbecue" him [Chuckles darkly]

09.03.026

Tompars: Because everyone knows that this isn't my real hair!

09.03.027

Austin : [Smiles, excitedly] What delightfully wicked foe has assailed them, I wonder? [Shrugs] Let us go and retrieve the books before we eat, I don't want to have to come back to this sorry little place again!

09.03.028

Alice: Maybe we should ask him?


;;; Gone for about two hours!

09.03.029

Charlie: [To Tompars] And who attacked you? Some sort of demented barber?

09.03.030

Sebastian: [To Charlie] Ask him about the book

09.03.031

Tompars: No one attacked me! Why? Does my hair look that bad?

09.03.032

Clint: Do you even have to ask?

09.03.032

Sebastian: [To Tompars] We can't tell, your fake hair is in the way so we can't see your real hair

09.03.033

Austin : [To Tompars] Tell us where the books from the archeological dig are and I'll set you up with a weeks free hair therapy session with my private hair surgeon. Deal?

09.03.033

Harvey: It must be pretty bad, though, eh? Otherwise, why would you need to hide it?

09.03.034

Tompars: [To Austin] Really? You'd do that for me? Well, they're upstairs in-- [hears Harvey's unkind remark] Yes! Yes! It is awful! [Throws himself threw the closed window, shattering the glass]

Alice: [Enraged] Aw no! Look at what you've done! [Sulkily] I didn't even get a chance to say something mean about his hair -- and that's my thing! I could have made him cry and run to the Cribrary! [To Charlie] That's what us cool kids call that place with all the books, pretty smart, huh? [Goes to the window and shouts out after Tompars] It's not pretty bad, it's hair-riffic! [Turns to the party, beaming]

09.03.035

Austin : Excellent work Alice. I am most glad some one around here knows what cool is. Right, let try to find a way up stairs before this place burns to the ground.

09.03.036

Charlie: [Frets] Oh, I do hope the books have not been damaged! Let us hurry! [Looks for stairs]

09.03.037

[The party head back out of the room and spot a stairs leading up. Before they can go up, though, they spot someone coming down the stairs. This is DR. AMELIA SAWTELL-WALLIS, a woman in civilian clothes. She stops dead when she sees the party.]

Amelia: You! I should have known you were behind this!

09.03.038

Austin : [To Amelia, nonchalantly, with extra nonch] Well I must correct you, we are not behind 'this', as you put it. We are merely here to rescue some recent ancient archeological findings, that we believe are critical to world safety. And who might you be?

09.03.039

Amelia: You mean, steal? I am Dr. Amelia Sawtell-Wallis, Chief HARMA Advisor on History and Stuff.

09.03.040

Charlie: We mean rescue from burning!

09.03.041

Alice: Actually, we mean rescue from you, bitch!

Amelia: Your poor language doesn't surprise me.


;;; Drew is out today

Sebastian: Hey! She's got a book behind her back!

09.03.042

Austin : [To Alice] Please, Alice, can we maintain some dignity here. [To Amelia] If we do not take the books from this building, they will most likely be burned, and then they will be of no use to anyone. Why don't you help us?

09.03.043

Charlie: Indeed! If you truly care about history, you will want to see these books protected and studied!

09.03.044

Amelia: By you? I don't think so! [Turns and runs back up the stairs]

09.03.045

Charlie: [Runs after Amelia] Keep your hands off those books, you horrid woman!

09.03.046

Austin : [To Charlie] Will you stop following strangers into dark places! You'll get your self killed again! [To the party] Let's go! [Runs after Charlie]

09.03.047

[The party charge after CHARLIE and AUSTIN, up onto the next floor, in hot pursuit of AMELIA, who has found another HARMA officer, ANTON ANON.]

Amelia: [Points at the party] Stop them! They're trying hurt me!

Anton: [Bursts into tears] Why bother? My mother hates me!

09.03.048

Clint: I just bet she does, going to join HARMA like that! [Goes to cold-cock Anton.]

09.03.049

Charlie: What on earth has happened to these people?! They are even more annoying than usual!

09.03.050

[Smack. CLINT knocks out ANTON.]

Amelia: Oh for God's sake! You HARMA idiots are useless! [Looks up at the next flight of stairs, clearly not wanting to go up there]


;;; Gone for the day!!

09.03.051

Austin : Why don't you let us help you? [Smiles] It's much easier that way.

09.03.052

Harvey: Indeed, we are incredibly helpful, what?


;;; Sorry folks - been one of those days!

09.03.053

Clint: After all, we clobbered that HARMA idiot!

09.03.054

Amelia: You people disgust me. [Runs up the stairs]

Alice: Yeesh, Aus! You scared her away with your creepy smile!

09.03.055

Austin : Excellent, I expect the fool will lead us directly to the books! Lets go! [Follows Amelia up the stairs]

09.03.056

Harvey: You will remember who is in command here, [With emphasis] Private! Now, Troop, let's go! [Follows Amelia up the stairs]

09.03.057

Alice: [Stops Harvey] Ah ah! I think Austin meant that I should lead us to the books. [Thinks] Hey! How should I know where they are?

09.03.058

Charlie: [To Alice, urgently] Move! We must follow that woman!

09.03.059

Austin : [Halfway up the stairs. To the party] What on earth are you all waiting for? You heard the Colonel, get a move on! [Rolls his eyes and sighs] Do I have to do everything myself.

09.03.060

Sebastian: [Charges up the stairs] I'm right with you Sleaze

09.03.061

Charlie: [Hurrying up the stairs. To Alice] Hurry, we might lose her!

09.03.062

Alice: I'm right here! How can you lose me?

[The others run off up the stairs after AMELIA.]

Alice: [Calls up after them] Hey! You know, this could mean you'd lose me! [Runs after the others]

[The party find AMELIA at the top of the stairs, where SVEN is waiting for her.]

Sven: Haw! Bringing it right back to Sven, I like it!

09.03.063

Charlie: [Warily] Sven?! What are you doing here?

09.03.064

Sven: [Spots the party] Haw! I should have known you guys would be here! I'm trying to give HARMA a good old punch on the nose.

09.03.065

Charlie: So, you caused all of this chaos? For what purpose?

09.03.066

Sebastian: Or he's one of them. That dead guy did say Sven was the traitor after all.

09.03.067

Amelia: You're all traitors!

Sven: [Guffaws at Sebastian] Haw! I love this guy! He's definitely one you lot! [To Amelia] Come on, there's no need for anyone to get hurt.

09.03.068

Sebastian: She works for HARMA, there's every need for her to get hurt [Takes a step towards Amelia] Now hand over the book and I might change my mind

09.03.065

Austin : Good, they thoroughly deserve it! They are a bunch of mindless idiots. [Gently pats Sven on the back. ] Good to see you again!

09.03.069

Austin : [To Sebastian] Don't damage the book! You can burn or drown the HARMA morons once we have the books.

09.03.070

Sven: [Punches Austin on the shoulder in a friendly way, almost knocking him over] Haw! [Nods at Sebastian] I see you've got yourself another psycho in the mix, he'll fit in perfectly!

Amelia: [Cowers back] Please! He's out of control!

[An unidentified HARMA officer runs down the stairs, on fire, screaming in agony.]

09.03.071

Sebastian: Oh don't worry Sleaze [Grins wickedly at Amelia] I have no intentions of damaging the book

09.03.072

Harvey: Indeed, then we can burn *and* drown them, what?!?

09.03.072

Austin : Well, just remember what we came for. We certainly did not come here for you to indulge in your sick perversions.

09.03.073

Sven: Books? Haw! I guess the professor here is having an effect on lot! What books are these that you're looking for?

09.03.074

Sebastian: [To Austin] This is no perversion, this is personal [To Amelia] Now hand over that book I saw in your hand before you ran up here [holds out his right hand for the book]

09.03.074

Charlie: [To Sven, cautiously] Just something for a little project I am working on. You needn't trouble yourself, as we can see that you are occupied with your own work at the moment.

09.03.075

Harvey: Indeed, some project to do with 'books', wasn't it? [To Charlie, quietly, but lous enough for everyone to hear] I don't think he's figured out that we don't trust him yet, eh?

09.03.076

Sven: Well then, that's just gear! [Grabs Amelia and pulls a book from beneath her shirt] See you, guys!

09.03.077

Sebastian: Bastard! [Charges at Sven]

09.03.076

ut that we don't trust him yet, eh?

Dur: [Breathless from the stairs climb] Some people just don't know the meaning of subtlety, Colonel [Rolls his eyes] .=

09.03.077

Harvey: [Beams] Well, never mind Doctor, some day I shall teach you, eh?


;;; Heh, no way I was going to leave that one alone! :)

09.03.078

Alice: Sebastian! No!

Sven: [Hits Sebastian with the book, which, to everyone's surprise, has a wooden cover] Back off, buddy!

[SEBASTIAN is knocked to the ground, bleeding from his nose.]

Sven: Gotta tell you, guys, not liking that idiot. [Runs back up the stairs]

09.03.079

Sebastian: [Grabs around while clutching his nose for something to throw at Sven's legs to trip him up on the stairs]

09.03.080

[SEBASTIAN throws a chair leg at SVEN, but he disappears up the stairs.]

Alice: [To Sebastian] What the hell is wrong with you? He's one of the good guys!

09.03.081

Charlie: [To Alice] Not according to Pestilence's [delicately] source, as you may remember! And, in any case, he has our book! [Tries to race after Sven]

09.03.082

Sebastian: [To Alice, standing up] If he's a good guy then why did he take the book and run? And before you say because I lunged at him, he'd just said "see you later guys", implying he already intended to make off with the book. [Follows Charlie]

09.03.083

Alice: [To Sebastian] Because you lunged at him! Is that how you normally behave to people who say goodbye?

Amelia: [Calls out to some nearby HARMA officers who are either too badly injured or wailing too much to help] Help! Stop them! Arrest them all!

[The party head up the stairs, but the entire building is rocked by what appears to be a massive earthquake, knocking everyone to the floor, barely avoiding falling through the huge holes that appear.]

09.03.084

Dur: [Trying to keep his balance] NOW what?!

09.03.085

Clint: [Helpfully.] Feels like an earthquake to me, Doc.

09.03.086

[A massive shimmering circle opens on one wall, about six feet in diameter. An incredible smell emanates from it.]

Alice: It sure doesn't smell like one, Clint -- in fact, it smell more like... well... more like you!

09.03.087

Charlie: [Excited] Oh, how thrilling! What could it be? [Quickly wads up a piece of paper and throws it at the circle]

09.03.088

Clint: [Helpfully.] A big glowing circle with a natural manly musk?

09.03.089

[The wadded up paper flies into the hole and disappears. Seconds later, enter ALGERNON DELAMBRE, a seven foot tall fly wearing a tuxedo.]

Algernon: [Holds up the wadded up piece of paper] Does this belong to someone?

09.03.089

Austin : [Holding his nose] A portal to the stinky dimension? Mr Scar, do you have your own dimension that you have not been telling us about?

09.03.090

Sebastian: It's only his if he's related to a fly [points at the portal, looking about to see if he can spot Sven hiding]

09.03.091

Austin : [To Algernon] The litter belongs to Charlie [Gestures to Charlie] Did you by any chance see a barbarian type passing you on your way here?

09.03.091

Clint: [To Algernon.] I bet all the girlies say you're pretty fly for a white guy!


;;; It had to be said!

09.03.092

Charlie: [To Algernon, delighted] Oh, how thrilling! [Whips out a notepad] What is the name of your species? What are your eating and mating habits?


;;; {Groan!}

09.03.093

Sebastian: [To Charlie] You want to take notes while the building is burning and collapsing around us? What about Sven and the book!


;;; {Double Groan!}

;;; In and out today

09.03.094

Algernon: Actually, they say I'm pretty white for a fly guy. [To Charlie] Hang around and you'll see, babe. Although, given that we usually eat what we mate with, you'll be dead.

Alice: [Horrified] You kill your partner after sex?

Algernon: [Even more horrified] No! Quite the opposite!

09.03.095

Clint: [The most horrified of all!.] Riiiiight. The book?

09.03.096

Algernon: Which book? The sex book?

[Several more shimmering openings appear, including one halfway up the stairs that SVEN went up.]

09.03.097

Charlie: [Jotting down notes furiously and muttering] Necrophiliac, cannibalistic . . . hmm, is that the word if it is across species? No, I'm sure there's a word-- [looks up suddenly and gasps] Are we being invaded by cannibalistic necrophiliac fly-men?!

09.03.098

Clint: Aw crap. Weren't the yellow tie guys bad enough?!

09.03.099

Sebastian: [To Charlie] No dear that just makes them your average carnivore predator, and above us on the food chain. It's only cannibalism if they mate with their own kind, which given his comment to you, doesn't seem that likely today. [Goes back to looking for Sven and the book]

09.03.099

Algernon: I don't know who they are, but they'd better get in line! Everyone wants a piece of -- oh! What is that awful smell?

Alice: Yay! You've saved us, Stinky! You and your...

[ALICE tails off as she realizes that the smell ALGERNON is referring to is much, much worse than CLINT, and that it's coming from another one of the shimmering openings. Enter SMELLMO, a hairy, red demon that smells so bad even CLINT is offended.]

Smellmo: Smellmo! Smellmo! [Puts his arms out for a hug]

Alice: Aw! He's so cuuute! But he smells like crap!

09.03.100

Austin : [Shys away in disgust] What an abysmal smell! [Looks up the staircase] We should get a move on or we will loose Sven!

09.03.101

Amelia: Oh, you'd love that, wouldn't you? [Runs up the stairs]

09.03.102

Austin : Love what? Loosing Sven? That doesn't make any sense! The HARMA brain washing has left you bereft of reason! [Runs up the stairs after Sven] Either that or you have always been this way.

09.03.103

Amelia: [Trying to elbow her way past Austin] And what made you the way you are? On second thoughts, don't tell me!

[The stairs gives away and the two go plummeting down, right into another glowing circle that has opened beneath them.]

Alice: Austin!

[More and more glowing circles begin to appear.]

Algernon: That's just the start. Your dimension is so ripe for invasion, it's going to be torn apart! [Rubs himself] It's so great, I'm getting turned on! Now, give me someone to kill so I can have sex!


;;; End of scene, next one coming up on THURSDAY.

09.03.102


;;; I'll be out all day, unfortunately! Conor, please take over

Harvey if need be.

09.03.104

Alice: What the hell happened to Austin?

Algernon: [Licks his lips and points to a male body who has been horrifically crushed by falling rubble] Is that Austin? She looks sexy.

[Yet more circles appear.]


;;; Drew is out today

Sebastian: I'm no expert on these things, but I think the world might be about to end!

09.03.105

Charlie: I fear you may be correct! Quickly, let us try to find a way to shut these circles! Does anyone see a power source--perhaps an orb? [Looks around]

09.03.106

Algernon: [To the body] Hello, Gorgeous. [Vomits on it]

Alice: [To Charlie] No! Are we sure they're coming from here?

09.03.107

Charlie: No! Perhaps we should go after Mr. Sleaze? Though I am not sure we would be able to get back?

09.03.108

Harvey: Nevertheless, we must be fearless in battle, what? Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more! No [Falters, then a little uncertainly] um, *laywer* left behind, eh?

09.03.109

[The circle that AUSTIN and AMELIA fell into disappears.]

Alice: Huh! Maybe he's left us behind?

09.03.110

Charlie: [Horrified] What's happened to him?!

09.03.110

Harvey: [Cheerily] Well, I believe he fell into a rather odd glowing circle which then disappeared, what? Quite simple, really. Now, what's for lunch?

09.03.111

Smellmo: You! [Grabs Harvey and starts to smash his head off the ground]


;;; Harvey lose 10hp

09.03.112

[There is a burst of light in the middle of the floor, and AUSTIN and AMELIA appear. They both look quite pale, but reasonably healthy otherwise.]

09.03.113

Austin : [Straightens the sleeve on his beautiful midnight emerald green suit. To the party] Ah, there you all are. [Looks around at the portals] I see that you have comprehensively failed to save the realm from the invasion, and inevitable destruction. [Takes an orb from his jacket] Allow me [Raises the orb and smashes it on the ground]

09.03.114

Alice: Aus! You're back!

[The entire room is enveloped in a green even brighter than Austin's beautiful suit, and when it abates, the demons are gone, as are the circles.]

Sebastian: Wow! What just happened there?

09.03.115

Charlie: [Astonished] Mr. Sleaze, are you unharmed? Where did you go? What was that orb?!

09.03.115

Austin : [To Alice] Good to see that you have not come to any harm. [Gives Alice a light hug, with minimal body contact. Turning to Seb, casually] I just saved the world from demonic invasion. [Sighs] Unfortunately the effect is only temporary. Even I have my limits.

09.03.116

Austin : [To Charlie, holding his chest and coughing weakly, but fighting it] We are a little malnourished, and would very much like to see the sunrise once more. [Steadies himself] The orb cost me dearly, but it was necessary.

09.03.117

Charlie: [Puzzled] Malnourished? Where WERE you? How long were you gone? You were only missing here a few seconds!

09.03.118

Harvey: [Ignoring Charlie] Indeed, I am a little hungry. Good of you to notice, Private Sleaze, what? We should secure lunch as a matter of urgency!

09.03.118

Amelia: Oh, please. You've had your massive ego to feed on. And I think you'll find that it was US who saved the world, not YOU!

09.03.119

Dur: Albeit you could truly claim anything you want as we lack proof of your accolades. But perhaps we should get moving before the world once again i= s threatened? Shall we go after the book?

09.03.120

Amelia: Yes, you halfwit! Get it!

09.03.121

Dur: [Scowling] Who is this tart and why haven't we killed her yet? [Tries to go after the book] =

09.03.122

Alice: Hey! You know full well who I am, Dur! [Looks at Amelia] Oh, I see.

09.03.123

Austin : [To Amelia] Did I say I. I only meant it literally, of course. [To the party] We saved the world through a combination of our efforts.

09.03.124

Dur: [Exasperated] Great! Now how about combining your efforts into moving your feet!=

09.03.125

Amelia: It might be dangerously like exercise for you, Austin!

09.03.126

Austin : Oh dear, I hope I don't upset your population exercise statistics too much. [Heads up the stairs]


;;;; meetings .....

09.03.127

Last from Austin

Harvey: I say, did someone mention 'tarts'? [Heads up the stairs after Austin]

09.03.128

Charlie: [Heading for the the stairs. To Amelia, warily] I do not mean to offend you, but perhaps you should stay behind? We are not normally aligned with HARMA!

09.03.129

Amelia: [Folds her arms and stays where she is] Fine. I know full well who you are normally aligned with.

09.03.130

[The party race upstairs.]

Algernon: And who would that be?

Amelia: [Alarmed] What are you doing here?

Algernon: Having sex.

Amelia: [Horrified] No! I mean, why weren't you sent back to your own dimension?

Algernon: [Shrugs] Idunno.


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

09.04.001

[Book VIII, Act IX. Scene IV. The Wreckage of the HARMA building. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN are here, having just raced upstairs. The place is littered with bodies, all torn to shreds. This floor is more badly damaged than the lower ones, although there is still a rickety stairs leading further up.]

Alice: Any idea where he might be? [Thinks] Or even why we're chasing him?

[A body is thrown from the far side of the floor and slams against a wall near the party.]

09.04.002

Dur: Errr... For the book?

09.04.003

Alice: But is it any less safe with him than with us? I mean, no disrespect, but look at us!

[Another body is flung from the same part of the room. This time it flies overhead and out of the building.]

09.04.004

Charlie: [Uneasily] Yes, perhaps we should retreat while we still have the chance!

09.04.004

Austin : [Dodging behind the party] We really should investigate over there. [Points to where the body came from.]

09.04.005

Alice: Good idea, Aus! [Dodges behind Austin] Off you go!

09.04.006

Austin : [Smoothly dodges behind Alice] I am a little worse for wear after several years of fighting to stay alive in the demon dimension, and I have saved the world once already today. [Sighs] It's someone elses turn, surely?

09.04.007

Clint: Excuses, excuses! [Creeps forward as sneakily as he can.]

09.04.008

Dur: [Loudly and enthusiastically] GIVE THEM A GOOD BOOT IN THE ASS FOR ME CLINT!!!

09.04.009

Austin : [To Dur] As the party's doctor you should follow close behind him. It's probably just Sven over there anyway.

09.04.009

Alice: [Slips behind Austin] But surely you're so great at saving the world, Aus, one more time won't make any difference!

[CLINT creeps forward, but, as DUR shouts, suddenly the whole party can see a huge demon, HOFF HASSEL, who roars with laughter as he throws HARMA officers around. When he laughs, he makes a peculiar noise that sounds like "Hoff hoff hoff".]

Hoff: Hoff, hoff, hoff! [Spots the party] Well, what have we here?

<P><a href=http://www.queens-view.com/wiki/index.php/Hoff_Hassel>Hoff Hassel</A>

09.04.010

Alice: Unless he's just got a really bad sunburn and got a whole lot

09.04.011

Austin : [To Alice, slipping behind her] No, it's certainly not Sven. [Worried] It might be time to run away.

09.04.011

Clint: [Hopefully.] This guy a friend of yours, lawyer?

09.04.012

Austin : Nope [Backing towards the stairs they came up]

09.04.013

Dur: Clint needs to work on his sneaking skills!

09.04.013

Clint: Well in that case... [backs up, trying to keep between the party and Big Red.]

09.04.014

Sebastian: [Backing away slowly] Are we sure Sven even made it up this far up? He might have gone through a portal. Or there was that presumably dead body we all casually ignored before Austin came back and temporarily saved the day.

09.04.015

Alice: That's right Dur. [Shouts] Hey Clint! You need to be more stealthy! [Even louder] Stealthy!

[Everyone starts to back down slowly, only to see that ALGERNON is heading up the stairs. What's worrying is that he looks hungry. What's even more worrying is that he looks a little horny.]

Algernon: [To the party] Well, hello.

09.04.016

Charlie: [Hopefully] Have you sated your horrible appetite yet?

09.04.016

Harvey: Ah, you look like an [Uncertainly] individual who knows where to find a good lunch, eh? Not me, this time though!


;;; Sorry been a hectic couple of weeks which is why I've not been

around as much - the next couple of weeks are probably going to be

similar

09.04.017

Sebastian: Doubtful, he only had that corpse and Amelia. I bet that's not even an appetizer for him.


;;; Only here until sometime between 12 and 1 today

09.04.018

Austin : [To Algernon] There are several yummy looking corpses up there [points up the stairs and tries to slip past Algernon]

09.04.019

Algernon: [Blocks Austin] Actually, there are several yummy looking soon to be corpses here.

Hoff: [Roars with laughter] Hoff hoff hoff!

Alice: Uh, I think we're blocked at both ends. Like some sort of food stuff where there's one thing in the middle of two other similar things. [Dramatically] But not tasty!

09.04.020

Charlie: [Attacks Algernon] You shan't be making a sexy snack of me!

09.04.021

Algernon: [Gives Harvey a hungry look] That's right.

[CHARLIE slashes ALGERNON with her sword, cutting into him.]

Algernon: Ow! Hey! That really hurt! And look what you've done to my suit! [Angrily] That was a rental!

09.04.022

Harvey: Gah! Attempting to eat a commanding officer is generally considered an act of war! Besides which, it's really impolite, what? [Attacks Algernon]

09.04.023

Sebastian: I go through most of my life hardly ever fighting, I meet you guys and I usually have several a day. Let it never be said a life with the Queens View Party is a dull one [Draws his sword while aiming at Algernon with Burning Hands]

09.04.024

Austin : Not through choice! [Tries to slip past Algernon while he is engaged in the fight]

09.04.025

[Jets of flame shoot from SEBASTIAN's hands and hit ALGERNON, who staggers down a step. AUSTIN tries to run past him, but is grabbed.]


;;; Lose 12hp Algie.

Algernon: Oh, no, lover. You're going nowhere!

[AUSTIN's momentum causes ALGERNON to fall back, still holding AUSTIN. To everyone's surprise, this fly can fly, and he swoops up into the air.]

Alice: Huh. I did not see that one coming.

09.04.026

Austin : [Squeals] Help! It can fly! [Tries to stab Algernon]

09.04.027

Charlie: [Tries to whack Algernon with her sword] Take that, you horrid pest!

09.04.028

Alice: I'll get you, Aus!

[CHARLIE hits ALGERNON, drawing more blood from his leg, just as ALICE leaps up and grabs onto AUSTIN's leg. Unfortunately, ALGERNON is still in the air.]

Algernon: Mm! Dessert!

09.04.029

Austin : [Tries to stab Algernon] Put me down safely, you vile creature!

09.04.030

[AUSTIN stabs ALGERNON in the leg, causing what everyone hopes is blood to squirt out.]

Algernon: Ow! Hey! If you cause me to crash and kill us all, how on earth can I eat you?


;;; Drew and Heather are both afk

Charlie: Quick! Grab on!

[SEBASTIAN and CHARLIE each grab onto one of ALICE's legs.]

Sebastian: [Looking up] Yeeesh! Grey underpants, Alice?

Alice: Aw man! The one day I don't wear flouncy undies!

[The extra weight is enough to slow the ascent, but not to pull everyone back down.]

09.04.031

Dur: What's going on? Are we all hitching a ride or something? [Tries to grab hold as well.] =

09.04.032

Harvey: Let go of my niece, you blaggard! [Attacks Algernon]

09.04.033

[HARVEY joins DUR in leaping on, as does CLINT, so now the entire party are up in the air. AUSTIN continues to stab at ALGERNON, but they keep rising.]

Algernon: You know, stabbing me in the leg doesn't make me any less attracted to you.

[The party spot SVEN making his way past HOFF. He's probably close enough to hear the party if they shout, although not close enough to grab on to those on the bottom of the flying pile of bodies.]

09.04.034

Austin : [Stabbing at Algernon] Sven! Help us!

09.04.035

Alice: Come on, Sven! Help!

[SVEN looks up and sees the party.]

Sven: [Gives a big but sheepish grin] Sorry guys.

[ALGERNON keeps getting higher.]

Algernon: [Kicks Austin] Just for that, I'm not going to have sex with you after I kill you!

09.04.036

Dur: Hey! If anyone is going to feast on the entrails of my dead companions, it's going to be me! [Dur casts Spiritual Weapon to attack Algie] =

09.04.037

Austin : [Still stabbing at Algernon] Good!


;;;; awa hame.

09.04.038

Charlie: Er, we are rather high, aren't we, group?

Algernon: Oh, if that's how you're going to be, then fine, I'll just drop you!

[ALGERNON lets go, sending the party plummeting towards the ground.]

09.04.039

Clint: [Falling, one can only presume.] Geronimo!

09.04.040

[Everyone plummets towards the ground]

Alice: What the hell? Why didn't Sven help us? And what's going to happen when we hit the ground? I don't think it'll be very much fun at all!

09.04.041

Dur: Is anything we do as a group ever fun?

09.04.042

Clint: I dunno, but I can't believe I'm able to have this quite long conversation with you whilst apparently falling unaided!

09.04.043

Alice: Do you really need aid to fall? I mean, even for you, Stinky, it can't be all that hard!

09.04.044

Harvey: Perhaps we'll land on Private Scar, eh?

09.04.045

Clint: [Flapping his arms to try to avoid this awful fate.] No?

09.04.046

Austin : [Panicking] Perhaps some one can cast a spell to save us?

09.04.047

Dur: [Scowling] Oh, sure, NOW you want us to make with the magic!

09.04.048

Sebastian: Well, as luck would have it! [Casts Feather Fall http://dungeons.wikia.com/wiki/SRD:Feather_Fall twice to encompass the whole party]


;;; Thought this would be a nice one to start Monday off with

09.04.049

[SEBASTIAN casts his spell and, incredibly, the whole party begins to slow.]

Alice: Yay! This is great! Well done, Seb! Now Phili himself couldn't hurt us!

09.04.050

Charlie: [Relieved] How marvelous! [Worried] Though hopefully we shan't be attacked by a flying creature whilst still in the air.

09.04.051

Alice: Don't be ridiculous, Charlie! What could possibly attack us up here?

[Splat. ALICE just gets a huge smear of bird shit on her head.]

Alice: Hey!

[The party are suddenly peppered with arrows, being fired at them from below by a bunch of HARMA operatives. Everyone gets hit a number of times.]

09.04.052

Austin : No! Not yet! [Cries] I am too beautiful to die!

09.04.053

Sebastian: Ow! Where the smeg did they come from? [Casts grease at the HARMA officers]

09.04.054

[SEBASTIAN tries to cast his spell, but it is disrupted by another hail of arrows. Fortunately, and rather inexplicably, a bunch of Yellow Tie Guys charge on the HARMA officers and attack them.]

Alice: Yeesh! What the hell is going on?

09.04.055

Sebastian: I think hell is the operative word there Alice


;;; Where is the party actually floating down to?

09.04.055

Charlie: I'm sure I don't know, but let us make an escape while these two factions fight it out!


;;; Are we on the ground yet?

09.04.056

[The party continue to drift down slowly, and are about to land just outside the main entrance that they came in when they first arrived.]

Alice: But what about Sven and the book? Will we go back in?

09.04.057

Austin : But we must get the book!

09.04.058

[The party continue their gradual and graceful descent.]

Alice: This is a cool way to travel.

[The spell seems to run out just inches from the ground, causing everyone to collapse in a heap, with ALICE on the bottom.]

Alice: Ow!

09.04.059

Harvey: [Picking himself up off Alice] Well, I did *aim* for Private Scar, what?

09.04.060

Sebastian: [To Alice while helping her up] It is a great way to travel, just never had to do it in this big a group before

09.04.061

Alice: [Looking at the huge muddy footprint on her chest] Yeah, it's just great, Seb!

09.04.062

Austin : Next time we will have to try it without the arrows. [Winces in pain]

09.04.063

[A vicious battle rages beside the party, as the YTGs fight with HARMA.]

Alice: Uh, so... will we just go back in again?

09.04.064

Austin : [Watching the fight] It would be a bad idea to stay here until the fight is over, and besides, we really must get that book! [Gets up and sighs, trying to clean his suit] I did not spend years battling my way out of Mistoheusto to give up now!

09.04.065

Alice: That's right! We didn't spend years fighting with Mister...who? Huh? What are you talking about, Aus?

09.04.066

Austin : Mistoheusto, Alice. That was the name of the dimension that, errm, that HARMA agent [waves his hand towards the house] and I spent several years fighting our way out of. A most unpleasant experience. Fortunately time travels much more slowly here, so I didn't miss anything.

09.04.067

Alice: Huh. So you spent years with that HARMA bitch?


;;; Gone for an hour or so!

09.04.068

Austin : [Smugly] Do I detect a hint of jealously?

09.04.069

Harvey: Or even envy?

09.04.070

Sebastian: Maybe even both? I think we should get a move on though, that lot aren't going to wait until we are back inside to finish fighting you know

09.04.071

Alice: Actually, it's neither -- it's rage over her stealing Deucie's books!

09.04.071

Austin : Indeed. We have not yet carried out the colonel's command! Let's go! [Heads back inside]

09.04.072

[Exit ALL, back into the building.]


;;; end of scene, next one coming right up

09.05.001

[Book VIII, Act IX, Scene V. HARMA HQ. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY, and SEBASTIAN are here, having just arrived in. The building is in even worse condition now, and is littered with bodies of both humans and demons. The party spot BODDY here, apparently rooting through a safe that has fallen through an upper floor and smashed to pieces.]

Alice: Boddy! What are you doing? Stealing stuff, no doubt!

Boddy: You've got bird shit in your hair.

09.05.002

Sebastian: [To Alice] I knew there was something we forgot to remind you of. [To Boddy] The building is on fire, fights all over, and you're snooping through a broken safe?

09.05.003

Austin : [Incredulously] Well, that is pretty much what we were going to do. [To Boddy] Hi Mr Boddy.

09.05.004

Clint: [Nods to Boddy.] Nothing wrong with a little theft!


;;; Probably forgot to say that today is an all-American holiday where we

;;; honor those who have given their lives for this country by having

an enormous

;;; barbecue and eating ourselves into a coma. Back to normal tomorrow!

09.05.005

Charlie: [To Clint] Well, it really depends on the reason for the theft. [To Boddy] Could you provide some context for your scavenging so that we may weigh the goodness of said act and therefore our response to it?


;;; {Sniff!} Oh, how I miss it! Tastes like Freedom!

09.05.006

Clint: We don't have time for that, Sarge! We've got a book to go ste... rescue!


;;; And, meaning the greatest of respect to my Irish colleagues, barbecue just

;;; isn't the same there. The last Irish barbecue I went to, it rained the

;;; entire time, the Russian cook severed a nerve on his finger, and I came

;;; out of it with a 1" scar on my forehead. Never again, I tell you!

09.05.007

Boddy: [Thinks for a moment] I saw that HARMA was under attack and figured I could probably score some cool magic items by exploiting their misfortune.

Alice: [To Sebastian] What? What were you going to remind me of?


;;; It's not an Irish barbecue until someone gets gashed on the

;;; forehead with a rusty knife!

09.05.008

Sebastian: [To Alice] That a bird shit on your head

09.05.009

Charlie: [To Boddy, way too casually] You haven't seen any boring old books, have you?

09.05.010

Alice: [To Sebastian] And yet still my hair looks better than yours!

Boddy: No, just the Fatebook. How about you?

09.05.011

Harvey: [Trying to be causual, failing] Well, the fatebook sounds pretty boring, what? Why not give it to us and you can go do something much more interesting?

09.05.012

Boddy: [Trying to be casual, succeeding, as he pops a cheeserette into his mouth] I can't do that, Harv. [Lights the cheeserette]

Alice: Why? Because you're up to some no doubt nefarious and evil plot for extreme personal gain that will somehow involve us being used and humiliated?

Boddy: No. Because some HARMA idiot took it to burn it. I only saw it in her hands.


;;; Gone until probably lunch!

09.05.013

Austin : [To Boddy] Are you certain that she was going to burn it?

09.05.013

Charlie: [Gasps] Where did she go?!

09.05.014

Sebastian: [To Alice] I'd rather have crap hair than be a shit head

09.05.015

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

Alice: Too bad you're both. [To Charlie] I think she was upstairs, wasn't she?


;;; She was, I think!

--Apple-Mail-EC9FAB5F-3B29-4197-A4A5-2ADD86DB0039

Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

09.05.016

Sebastian: [To Alice while grinning] Touche, and yes she was. I never saw her leave while we were falling [pulls out a hankie and hands it to Alice] might want to clean that shit off before it sticks


;;; yeah last post you did for her was her talking with

;;; the fly demon as we went up to the next floor with the portals

09.05.017

Austin : [Looks alarmed] Well let's go and find her before she burns the Fatebook! [Heads into the building]

09.05.018

Alice: [Gingerly takes the hanky by the corner] Ew! I think I'd prefer the bird shit! [Wipes it off]

[The party head upstairs, followed by BODDY. AMELIA is waiting here, filing her nails.]

Amelia: Well? Did you get it?

09.05.019

Austin : [To Amelia] No. We thought that you would have it. Do you? [Looking at the nail file] Can I borrow that after you?

09.05.020

Sebastian: How could she? Sven has the book and he went up!

09.05.022

Dur: So I guess we continue our way up then?


;;; errr... BACK!

09.05.023

Charlie: [Watches Amelia's grooming incredulously] You just lost the archeological find of the century and all you can think of is your nails?!

09.05.021

Amelia: [To Austin] How could I? Your friend took the book and went up. More treachery from you Path-Ethics. [Files a bit more] Sure, just a few minutes.


;;; Path-Ethic is a general name for those on the Path

09.05.024

Sebastian: Care Bares. Got to be. She's been affected by the Vanity Bare [nods] either that or she has no idea what a Fatebook is, or does, and just hasn't realised the book she had was one. Plus she's HARMA scum.


;;; welcome back Kevin

09.05.024

Austin : Well, they are very nice nails. After years in Mistoheusto it is quite a relief to have time for such concerns, I assure you.

09.05.024

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

Amelia: No, I'm thinking of several other things, not least of which is thatyou will probably be killed by that Viking if you go upstairs. I just enjoy= good grooming. You should look into it.=20 --Apple-Mail-3EB56A56-032E-4D33-A958-B639C6897395 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

09.05.025

Austin : [To Drew] Amelia is Anti-Path, and she knows far more about the Fatebook than you do I suspect. That is why she wants to burn it.

09.05.026

Charlie: [To Amelia] Burn it?! Surely it should be studied!

09.05.027

Austin : Why, of course it should. The Anti-Path are misguided fools. [Looks up the stairs] Shall we go and find the Fatebook?

09.05.028

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1


;;; tried to send this earlier, but haven't seen it

Amelia: I don't want to burn it, it's just some of HARMA who do. [Witheringly to Sebastian] There are no Care Bares here.


;;; stuck in a meeting

--20cf305e23ff0ed04b04c12db8f1

09.05.029

Austin : [To Amelia] Well perhaps you can help us retrieve it, and then we can both read it. Just an idea of course.

09.05.030

Clint: Well, Charlie can read it. Sounds like boring mumbo-jumbo to me!

09.05.031

Austin : To the contrary, Mr Scar. I shall read it first, as I have been in the party far longer.

09.05.032

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Last from Dom 31

Alice: Plus, Austin is a lawyer, so knows less about that kind of stuff than Charlie, so of course he should read it first.

--20cf305643312e48cb04c12e43c7

09.05.033

Charlie: [To Austin, exasperated] Oh, do be serious! I shall find you a nail file of your own, then you and your [finger quotes] lady friend can occupy yourselves whilst I examine the text!

09.05.034

Last from Heather 33

Sebastian: Sounds like a plan to me. Let's go find the book

09.05.034

Austin : [To Charlie] I am quite serious. I also expected this jealousy from a novice like you. [Casually checks his nails] Now. We do not yet have the book, so fighting over it is a waste of time. Shall we go and get it. [Moves towards the stairs]

09.05.035

Boddy: [Watching the exchange with some amusement] Are you sure you wanna do that?

09.05.035

Harvey: Indeed, and then they can fight over it, what?


;;; Sorry folks, got pulled away.

09.05.036

Clint: Anyway, Harv's in charge so reading the book should be his job! [Follows Austin toward the stairs.]

09.05.036


;;; No posting today -- back to normal tomorrow!

09.05.037

Alice: [Looks back at Boddy] Why wouldn't we want to do this?

Boddy: Because someone's got the Baring Meter up there.

09.05.038

Charlie: But that was destroyed! Did they build another one?!

09.05.039

Sebastian: Was it? Sven said he had done it, but Sven just betrayed us, and he's up there. I told you then I didn't believe him that he'd destroyed it. Plus Madame Anti-Path did state there are no Care Bares here.

09.05.040

Alice: So you expect us to believe some HARMA bitch over our most trusted friend? I mean, come on, Seb, she actually seems to like Austin! How reliable can she be?

Boddy: Sven destroyed the Baring Meter? Did you see the body?


;;; Out for about an hour

09.05.041

Charlie: [To Boddy] What do you mean, body?! It was a pile of gears and such. Here! [Flips out a notepad with a sketch of the ruined alleged Baring Meter]

09.05.042

Sebastian: [To Alice] Sven took the book then ran away from us with it. That guy Petsy [finger quotes] interrogated told us Sven was the spy. Sven didn't want us destroying the Baring Meter, insisted he did it without us around. Why? So he could steal it to use later obviously. [To Charlie] That's only what Sven told us, no one actually told us what it looked like.

09.05.043

Austin : Excellent. Well I am glad all of that is sorted out. It seems that we will have to destroy the Bareingmeter after all.

09.05.044

Charlie: [To Sebastian, irked, complete with finger quotes] That guy Petsy?! You mean my beloved husband, Pestilence? Yes, I am familiar with him. [To Boddy] But what did you mean by body?!

09.05.045

Boddy: I mean the body of the Baring Meter. What you have there [gestures to Charlie's drawing] appears to be either the remains of a very large clock or the materials used for making up one of those super duper clock work vibrating dildos.

09.05.046

Charlie: [Appraises the drawing thoughtfully] Ooooh, I thought it looked familiar!

09.05.046

Austin : I doubt if it is the latter, Charlie would surely have recognised that.

09.05.047

Alice: I think she's less into their maintenance and more of an end user.

Boddy: And what are you? A back end user?

09.05.048

Austin : [Thinking] Either way, we need the Fatebook!

09.05.049

Charlie: [To Sebastian, haughtily but flushed] Do be serious! Of course I remember! [To Austin] I quite agree, but if the Baring Meter is a person, we surely cannot destroy it/her/him!


;;; Sorry, Drew! I totally misread your post. That's what I get for

;;; posting too quickly! : O

09.05.050

Boddy: I wouldn't describe the Baring Meter as a person, but it is alive. It's probably one of the most evil, disgusting things that ever lived, but alive nonetheless.

09.05.050

Sebastian: Good. Why can't we kill them? They are a weapon from another realm, a weapon intended to be used against us.


;;; It's okay, made for more interesting role play haha

09.05.051

Austin : Perhaps we can take it from Sven and use it as a weapon against the demon invasion?

09.05.052

Harvey: Excellent, Private! But what is Sven up to, eh?


;;; Sorry, folks! Been afk this morning. Oh, and We have a double bank

holiday so I'll be out Monday and Tuesday.

;;; Shooting off early tomorrow as well

09.05.053

Sebastian: Well let's get back up there and find out Colonel

09.05.054

Dur: Errr, first perhaps we should ask Boddy what the Baring Meter actuallylooks like so we can ensure it's distruction this time?=

09.05.055

Sebastian: Oh yeah, didn't think of that.


;;; that's me done for the day, see you tomorrow

09.05.056

Austin : [To Body] Could you describe the Bareing meter to us?

09.05.056

Alice: Or even what can the Baring Meter do? He seems to have destroyed the whole place with it!

Boddy: [Nods earnestly] Both questions sound good to me!

09.05.057

Boddy: Nope. Sorry, I've never seen it.

09.05.058

Charlie: Right. Any advice on how we might keep it from harming us?

09.05.059

Harvey: Or how we might destroy it, by the saints?

09.05.060

Boddy: The best way to keep it from harming you is to start running and get the hell out of here. It would take something hugely powerful to destroy it -- an Orb of Calamity. Frankly, if I had one, I'd probably be taking over the world and enslaving all of you.

09.05.061

Austin : [Concerned] Well, that you for being so candid. [To the party] Perhaps stealing the Baring meter is a better idea after all?

09.05.062

Alice: So how do we kill the Baring Meter?

Boddy: You don't.

09.05.063

Charlie: [Reluctantly] Perhaps a retreat is in order, then?

09.05.064

Boddy: [Rummaging through the safe] Aha! [Face lights up as he takes out an apple and takes a huge, loud bite out of it] Or you could kill whoever controls the Baring Meter.

09.05.065

Dur: And who is controling it now?

09.05.065

Austin : You mean kill Sven in this case?

09.05.066

Boddy: [Gestures at Austin with his apple, addressing Dur] What he said.

09.05.067

Charlie: [Uncomfortably] What a horrid suggestion. Sven may be misguided, but we certainly are NOT going to kill him!

09.05.068

Alice: [Loudly] Agreed! Agreed!

[Everyone turns and looks at her.]

Alice: With the not killing part!

09.05.069

Charlie: Perhaps we could try reasoning with him? He may be a spy, but he appreciates excellent scholarship! [To the party, modestly] He is a fan of my work, you know.

09.05.070

Boddy: [Fixes Charlie with a steely gaze] We're all fans of your work.

09.05.071

Clint: Speak for yourself!

09.05.072

Harvey: [To Boddy] Well, I do what I can, what? It's not easy commanding a troop such as this, you know!

09.05.072

Charlie: [To Clint] You must be literate to be a fan of my work! [To Boddy, flattered] Why, thank you! But to whom does that [finger quotes] we refer?

09.05.073

Harvey: [To Boddy] Well, I do what I can, what? It's not easy commanding a troop such as this, you know!

Boddy: Not you! That article about how skinny girls with pointy elbows make the best lovers was just fascinating.

09.05.074

Clint: Very skinny girls, even? Sort of invisible if you stand at the wrong angle to them?

09.05.075

Charlie: [Stung] What?! I would never write such fluff! I only write on serious subjects, such as cryptozoology and demonology!

09.05.076

Boddy: Oh? Sorry, Dr. Rourke Bourke, I must have you mistaken with someone else!

09.05.077

Charlie: [Gasps] How dare you! That wretched woman is the bane of my existence. [Evil smile] Well, WAS, anyway.

09.05.078

Sebastian: Wasn't that Miss Stick Insect?

09.05.079

Charlie: [Nods at Sebastian] The very same. [To Boddy, with a sniff] I am Dr. Charlotte Parker-Kensington, renowned cryptozoologist and noted demonologist. You can find my work in any proper library. I think you will find it much more rewarding that the trash you normally seem to read.

09.05.080

Harvey: Hmm, indeed. But we have a book to read. Or burn. Or something. I forget, but the details are irrelevant, what? What's important is that we proceed with the mission, Troop!

09.05.080

Last fro Heather #79

Boddy: True, that last thing I read about the proper naming and classification of newly identified creatures not yet proven to exist long being a significant problem for cryptozoologists was awful. Hardly any nude picture of boobies at all. And yeah, I'd heard that some disturbing weirdo stalker killed poor old Phoebes. [Sighs sadly] None could clean your teeth the way she could.

Alice: Hey! That wasn't a disturbing weirdo stalker, that was me!

09.05.080

Austin : [To Body] I'd skip the endlessly dull articles on mixed species Demon procreation. Once you have read one, you have read them all. Even the titles make me yawn these days.

09.05.081

Boddy: So anyway. I've got my loot, I guess I'll see you guys at the funeral?

09.05.082

Charlie: [Scowls at Austin. To Boddy] What funeral?!

09.05.083

Boddy: Yours!

09.05.084

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Harvey: Well, we might be there. [Frowns] Wait, what do you mean, our funeral?

--20cf302d4c4ec0858504c166de7a

09.05.085

Boddy: Well, it sure as hell won't be mine!

Alice: Maybe it might be that HARMA floozie upstairs?

09.05.086

Sebastian: Hopefully yeah, but not at our hands. We're all too busy standing around here gassing away to this guy, whoever he is, and I think all of us at some point now have said for us to get back up there. But, we haven't moved.

09.05.087

Austin : Move time! At last [To Body] Bye! [Heads up the stairs] .

09.05.088

Sebastian: I hear you Austin! [Follows Austin up the stairs] [To Boddy] See ya!

09.05.089

Alice: I didn't say we should move!

Boddy: All the more reason why you probably should move!

[Exit the party upstairs.]


;;; End of scene

09.06.001

[Book VIII, Act IX, Scene VI. Second floor at HARMA HQ. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN are here, having just arrived up. The place is a wreck, and even more bodies litter the place. Off to one side, the party can see AMELIA, lying on the ground.]

09.06.002

Dur: [To Amelia] Honestly! You people find the oddest times to take naps!

09.06.003

Charlie: [Goes to look at Amelia] Hello? Are you injured? Or perhaps faking to get attention?

09.06.004

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Harvey: [To Amelia] On your feet soldier! We don't tolerate sleeping on duty around here, what?!?


;;; Ok, that's me done until Wednesday. Those people in the UK, have a

good bank holiday!

--20cf305e262b1dadab04c168ff5a

09.06.005

Last fro John #4

Amelia: [Irritated] I was faking it to avoid attention!

09.06.006

Austin : [To Amelia] Thank heavens you are alright. [Considers his situation] The last thing we need around here is another corpse. [Offers to help Amelia to her feet]

09.06.007

Amelia: Thanks Austin, but, actually, you know, I think I'm quite comfortable here.

09.06.007

Charlie: [Looks around, shocked] What caused all of this? Surely not Sven?

09.06.008

Amelia: Why don't you run along and see? I'm sure he's upstairs.

09.06.009

Dur: And leave you here defenseless to be devoured by the beasts in this building? Hardly! Perhaps you should come along. We will, errr, let you take = the front and defend your flank.

09.06.010

Amelia: No, that's quite alright. I'd rather not have you doing anything to my flank. Now, quick, off you go. Shoo!

09.06.011

Austin : [Watches Dur standing there. To Amelia] He is not particularly good at Shoo'ing, is he.


;;;awa hame

09.06.012

Amelia: Nor are you!

09.06.013

Sebastian: She has a point. To the next floor troop! [Starts heading for the stairs to the third floor]


;;; Are we taking Monday and Tuesday off for the Bank Holiday and the Jubilee?

09.06.014

Austin : [To Amelia] And you are not very good at pretending to be dead. I suggest more practice.


;;;; off Monday, and Friday and 8th - 18th June

09.06.015

Amelia: [Stretching out on the floor] You know what would help? You people not talking to me!

09.06.016

Austin : There in lies the flaw in your ruse. It is the living that talk, and the dead that are silent. Usually.

09.06.017

[AMELIA lies still.]

09.06.018

Sebastian: Well then, that's that settled then. On we move.


;;; Only post from me today as I'm heading out. I assumed we were

taking a day off for the Jubilee

09.06.018

Charlie: [Regarding Amelia critically. To Austin] Say what you will about Pestilence, you cannot deny he is much more lively than your girlfriend!

09.06.019

Alice: [As the party head up] Is it just me, or is that a really weird thing for her to do? I mean, I know she's Aus' girlfriend and all, so, you know, by def, totally strange, but wouldn't it make much more sense for her to just get the hell out of here?


;;; It's not a bank holiday everywhere!

09.06.020

Austin : [To Amelia] Perhaps you would like to come with us, it might be safer? [To Charlie, curious] I was not talking about Pestilence, what made you think that I was?


;;;; out for the rest of the day :)

09.06.021

Charlie: [To Austin, patiently explaining] I did not mean to suggest that you were, in that particular moment, talking about Pestilence. I just meant that, though admittedly he has a minor fault or two, at least he is not dull. [A touch smugly] Unlike your girlfriend.

09.06.022

Clint: She's here to be seen and not heard. If she can cook, she's pretty much the perfect woman!

09.06.023

Dur: [Comically] Zing!

09.06.024

Alice: And maybe if she was really dead, she'd be even perfecter, because then she could bear to be around you two!

09.06.025

Clint: Nah, everyone knows dead chicks can't cook.

09.06.026

Alice: But at least they can't escape!

09.06.027

Charlie: [To Alice, urgently] Do NOT give him ideas! Before you know it, Mr. Scar will also have a [finger quotes] girlfriend, one stitched together with shapely but decaying body parts from various dead prostitutes!

09.06.028

Alice: [Gasp] Would that include [lowly] male prostitutes?

09.06.029

Charlie: [Primly] I am quite sure I do not wish to know what Mr. Scar seeks in a mate, though I am certain he will enlighten us shortly, and in the most disgusting manner possible. [Looks at Clint expectantly]

09.06.029

Clint: Only the girly ones!

09.06.030

Alice: Oh, well that's fair enough. Lots of guys are like that. [Suddenly self conscious] I mean, ew! Deucie would never do something like that!


;;; Recall, Deuce was once spotted leaving a brothel back in 7.4 having:

;;; "experienced the thrill of a beautiful woman sneezing on you."

09.06.031

Charlie: [Wrinkles her nose, disgusted] Yes, well, moving on, what shall we say to Sven, should we find him?


;;; How could we ever forget! : O

09.06.032

Alice: How about "What are you doing?"

[In the background, the party can see AMELIA crawling away.]


;;; Stuck in a meeting for two hours

09.06.033

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Harvey: Or perhaps we should say "You dastardly blaggard, by the saints!"

--20cf303dd808a43f3b04c1cafc22

09.06.034

Charlie: [Watching Amelia creep away] Perhaps we should bring her along? She might prove useful in navigating the building.

09.06.035

Alice: Hey! What has she got in her hand?

[AMELIA seems to be stuffing something into her shirt.]

09.06.036

Sebastian: Stop right there Amelia, or we shall throw you in to a pond!

09.06.037

Amelia: [Looks back] No you won't. [Runs off]

Alice: Sebastian! What are you doing? It's not Clint you're trying to threaten!

09.06.038

Sebastian: I have no idea, just the word pond seemed to go with her name. Shall we chase after her then?


;;; Sorry been watching Season 5 of Doctor Who.

;;; Wouldn't we have had time to pounce her seeing as she had to get

up off the ground first before running off?

09.06.039

Charlie: [Calls out to Amelia] Please, come back! What have you got there?! [To Austin, in a low voice] Oh, do control your woman, won't you?!

09.06.039

Dur: Stop that tart! [Runs after Amelia]


;;; I hate that we have to wait til the fall for the new season >.<

09.06.040

Alice: Hey! I'm standing right here!

[CHARLIE and DUR pursue AMELIA, and will easily catch her.]


;;; No, we'd already headed up the stairs, she stayed lying on the ground

09.06.041

Clint: [Sticking with the bulk of the party to keep an eye on them.] Awful fast for a dead woman, isn't she?

09.06.042

Charlie: [To Amelia] Stop! We do not intend to harm you. We just want to see what you are hiding.

09.06.042

Alice: What? She's not the first dead woman you've tried to catch, eh?

[DUR leaps at AMELIA and knocks her to the ground.]

Amelia: Ow! Get off me, you oaf!

09.06.043

Amelia: [Stopping a sheet of paper that she was hiding from slipping out] I'm not hiding anything!

09.06.043

Dur: Gladly, once you have produced what it is you're hiding from us! Or perhaps I'll have to force an examination to find out? Nurse! Probulator! Sta= t!

09.06.044

Clint: No, you're not. That's your problem!

09.06.045

Charlie: [To Amelia, holding out her hand] Mr. Scar is quite right! Now, show us the sheet of paper at once!

09.06.046

Sebastian: [Calls out] I'd do what they say Amelia, the doctor is in the house. Trust me, you don't want the doctor in the house, because next he will be in you!

09.06.047

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Harvey: Indeed, particularly since you are, ahem, [Carefully] deceased, what?

--20cf303ea79626e24f04c1cf802b

09.06.048

Alice: [Gleefully] And you'll be even more deceaseder when we're finished with you! You'll be sorry for what you did to Deuce?

Amelia: Deuce? You mean Prof. Hilliard-Montgomery-Carthington? That ass grabbing lunatic should be in jail!

Alice: Hey! Come on, let's punch her in the stomach!


;;; Gone for the day!

09.06.049

Charlie: [Tries to restrain Alice] Let's not be hasty. [To Amelia] While your characterization of Deuce suggests that you do know him, I cannot imagine why you think he should be imprisoned! Mere lechery, though distasteful, is hardly a crime. [Thoughtfully] Or is it? [To Clint] Mr. Scar?

09.06.050

Austin : Everyone should calm down. [To Charlie] Firstly, Amelia is not my slave, and only a fool would suggest that I own her, as I clearly don't. Though now that you mention it I do like the idea. Next, whilst lechery is not a crime, sexual assault is, and it sounds as though Amelia may have a case, and may require a lawyer. [To Ameila] Do you wish to pursue legal action against Deuce?


;;; sorry, jammed in meetings all day.

;;; in tomorrow

;;; off to Beijing on Friday until the 18thJune :)

09.06.051

Alice: [Looks at Austin like he's crazy] What the hell are you talking about? [Shakes her head] Whatever happened to you with that HARMA bitch has made you even crazier.

Amelia: [To Austin] No. I wish to pursue it against [gestures to Dur] this idiot, and the rest of you for harassing me when I clear asked you to leave me alone.

09.06.052

Charlie: [Firmly] Show us that piece of paper, and we shall leave you to play dead and/or slink away to your heart's content!

09.06.053

Amelia: No! Never! [Curls up in a ball]

09.06.054

Sebastian: Well we could always just knock you out and take it, or what if your boyfriend Austin asked you for it?

09.06.055

Amelia: Typical Path-Ethics! You think violence is the answer to everything, don't you?

Alice: Not everything, no, but [to Sebastian] probably this, right?

09.06.056

Austin : [To Amelia] Unfortunately they were just as violent before they had ever heard of the Path. May I see the paper? I'll give it back.

09.06.057

Amelia: [Gives Austin a dirty look] Do I have a choice?

09.06.058

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Harvey: [To Austin, indignant] I say, Private Sleaze, I'll have you know I've never been a particularly violent man, what? Five invasions, four pogroms, a dozen or so witch-hunts, and a rather nasty bar fight are all the violence I've ever seen!

--20cf30051400a875a604c1df05c4

09.06.059

Charlie: [To Amelia, feigning surprise] Oh, must you ask your husband for permission before acting? How very old-fashioned!

09.06.060

Amelia: Don't make the mistake of thinking that I fear my man as much as you fear your husband.

09.06.061

Charlie: [Haughtily] You know nothing about me or my husband if you think that. Now, show us that paper, or we shall restrain you and take it from you by force.

09.06.062

Amelia: [Sneers at Charlie] Sure I don't. [Hands over a number of torn pages]

[The pages have been ripped from a book, and are only the top halves. There is some unreadable writing on them, in an alphabet that no one has seen before, but there are several (drawn) pictures of people. These include PESTILENCE, SVEN and several others.]

09.06.063

Charlie: [Examines the pages eagerly] Oh, how marvelous! We MUST learn what this means. [Looks critically at the drawing of Pestilence. To Amelia] No doubt THIS is how you see him, but it does not capture his true personality in the least. [To the party, disgusted] They have made him look quite mad!

09.06.064

Alice: [Looks at the picture] Huh. I thought they made him look positively cuddly!

09.06.065

Sebastian: [To Amelia] See, that wasn't too hard now was it? I take it Sven has the rest of where these came from?


;;; Sorry for vanishing, internet went down in my entire area for 2 hours.

09.06.066

Amelia: Wow. You must be the smart one. [Sarcastically claps]

[ALICE wipes away a tear. Clearly, she's on the verge of crying.]

09.06.067

Dur: [To Amelia] Why did you take only these pages from the book? What meaning do they hold for you?=

09.06.068

Austin : [Sarcastically, looking at Dur] And then there is the not so smart one. [Offers Amelia a hand up. To Alice] What is the matter?

09.06.069

Alice: I think you've found your perfect woman, Aus!

Amelia: [Looks Dur up and down with disgust] I see what you mean, Austin. [Slowly and loudly] They were the only ones I could get before the bur- before your friend came in and destroyed the place.

09.06.070

Austin : [To Alice] Nearly perfect. Amelia is Anti-path, after all. [Sighs, jokingly and smiling] At least one of us is perfect. [Checks his nails]

09.06.071

Sebastian: [To Austin] Perfection is but an illusion, the unattainable dream. You sir, are therefore deluded. [To the party] Besides, what is this Anti-Path and Path Ethics anyway?


;;; Sorry is Sebastian has asked this already, can't remember.

;;; This is my 3 posts for the day. See you tomorrow.

09.06.072

[There is another crash from upstairs.]

Amelia: Is this really the time to discuss it? You people have to go to your Path-Ethic friend, I have to take my papers back and get out of here.

Alice: You mean Deuce's papers.

Amelia: Sure. I have to take Deuce's papers, which are now mine, and get out of here.

09.06.072

Austin : I was joking! [Frowns] Anti-Paths want to save the world but are gong to destroy it. Path Ethics want to save the world and will do their very best to do so. That's us. [Looks up the stairs] If we had the Fatebook it would be much easier to explain. They basically believe that everyone should be equal, we basically believe that we will need some heroes to save the world, hence not everyone will be equal because some of us are heroes. [To Sebastian] Good enough explanation?

09.06.073

Charlie: [Holds the papers protectively] Not a chance! Go back to playing dead, perhaps.

09.06.074

Amelia: [To Sebastian] He forgot to add that Path-Ethics are selfish, self deluded lying idiots. [Holds out her hand] Give me my papers.

09.06.075

Charlie: [Stubbornly] No. These must be studied and those studies published extensively. We thank you for your assistance, but our position is firm on this particular subject.

09.06.076

Alice: Plus [blows a big raspberry at Amelia] Come on, let's go talk to Sven!

09.06.077

Charlie: [To Amelia, reassuringly] I shall mention you in the acknowledgments, if that is any consolation. [To Alice] Indeed, let us see what he has to say for himself! [Tucks the papers into her blouse then heads up the stairs]


;;; Probably my three!

09.06.078

Dur: [Waves his hand in a small circle and cast Command on Amelia] You willgive us these papers...

09.06.079

Amelia: I already have given you the papers, you idiot! [Turns and storms off]

09.06.080

Dur: That trick always work on the weak minded! Now let's get after Sven for the rest of the book!=

09.06.081

[The party head upstairs as AMELIA storms away downstairs.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!

09.06.081

Austin : [Sighs, watching Amelia leave. To the party] The worst part about being on the Path is having to put up with a bunch of morons like you lot. Why can't you be nice to Ameila?

09.07.001

[Book VIII, Act IX, Scene VII. Upstairs at HARMA. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and SEBASTIAN are here, slowly heading up the stairs.]

Alice: [To Austin, lowly] Because she's a bitch, that's why. And Aus, it could be worse. You could have to put up with morons like you!

09.06.082

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Harvey: She positioned herself as the enemy and one isn't 'nice' to the enemy, what?

--005045017622b6827604c1e439ff

09.07.002

Sebastian: But is she really a bitch? You lot and her are on opposing sides of the same religion, of course there is going to be aggressive tendencies towards one another. I just thought that was how you guys handled things so was joining in. Now I know it's about religion, I think I may have to start acting more like myself.

09.07.003

Clint: Just don't start acting more like the lawyer!


;;; Poor Austin!

09.07.004

Austin : [Looking very put out. To Alice] I had hoped you two would get on. [Sad] I guess not.

09.07.005

Charlie: [To Austin, with mock sympathy] Yes, it IS trying when one's mate is the subject of ridicule and scorn, is it not?


;;; Have a blast in Bejing, Dom! I loved it!

09.07.006

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Austin : Please do me the courtesy of refraining from comparing my girlfriend to an ancient demon, there is no sensible comparison to be made.


;;;Ta! SHould be fun :)

--bcaec52be6cd711aef04c1e8a67e

09.07.007

Charlie: [Smugly] I quite agree. There is no comparison.

09.07.008

Clint: Oh, get a room, you two!

09.07.009

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--bcaec52be92bc43a7a04c1f21a31

09.07.009

Alice: She's right, though, Clint. One of them represents all that is evil in the world and is hell bent on destroying all that is good and right, and the other is Pestilence!

09.07.010

Charlie: [Beams proudly] Oh, isn't he WONDERFUL?! [Composes herself] Now, let us find Sven!

09.07.011

Alice: Little what? [Whinily] Au-us! Little what?


;;; Plane about to leave???

[The party go up the rest of the stairs, and spot SVEN in the far side of the room, rooting through some books. He takes a quick glance at the cover of each, before tossing it aside.]

09.07.012

Charlie: [To Sven] Mr. Goring, might we assist you?

09.07.013

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Sven: That would be great! I'm looking for the rest of The Books. --Apple-Mail-BD481509-7553-45D9-B252-7158079904A9 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

09.07.014

Charlie: Could I see the books you have found already?

09.07.015

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Last from Heather 14

Sven: 'fraid not, Charlie. It could only lead to an ul dignified struggle when you guys refuse to give them back and I get all moany.

--20cf300face76e28c204c1f431c5

09.07.016

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Harvey: Good point, though if you don't let us have a look, Private Parker-Kensington might get moany - you know how she can get, what?

--20cf303bfad03d947504c1f463a0

09.07.017

Sebastian: I'm sure she's not that bad

09.07.018

Sven: Oh, well, in that case, [gives a big smile] I won't bother giving it to you!

09.07.019

Charlie: What do you intend to do with these books, Mr. Goring?

09.07.020

Dur: Perhaps if you are honest with us, we can work something out! [Dur casts Zone of Truth] =

09.07.020

Sven: You know, I'd really prefer if you didn't ask me any questions.

Alice: Why?

Sven: Come on, Shooter!

Alice: What?

Sven: Yeeesh! Do you want me to kill you?

Alice: Do I want you to what?

Austin: Alice, please stop, or I'LL want to kill you!

Alice: [To Sven] Austin will want to kill me too?

09.07.021

Sven: [Gives a sheepish grin, and doesn't seem to react to the spell] Yeah, that's unlikely, I'm afraid. If I tell you, I'll have to kill you. Now, no one wants that, do they?

09.07.022

Charlie: Well, WE certainly do not, but I am not convinced it would bother you!

09.07.023

Sven: Hey! Don't be all down on poor old Sven! I don't want to hurt anyone [gives a slightly evil grin] well, hardly any one!

09.07.024

Dur: Seems the honeymoon is over 'ey? And we used to be such good friends! [Whispering to the group] Is it ass kicking time yet?=

09.07.025

Clint: [Whispering back.] Maybe even clobberin' time!


;;; I predict this will not end well!

09.07.026

Sebastian: [Whispering back] Don't forget he's got the Care Bare's weapon


;;; I predict a riot

09.07.027

Clint: [Whispering back, and hoping Sven's somehow not getting suspicious.] Ah crap, I forgot about that thing. We need a plan!

09.07.028

Alice: [Loudly] What? What's everyone whispering about?

09.07.029

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Harvey: [Also loudly] Plans are overrated, Private Scar! What we need is a *strategy*, what?

--20cf303dd80819c99104c1f7cca8

09.07.030

Austin: [Straightens a cuff] Don't be preposterous, Colonel. We need a *gambit*.

09.07.031

Dur: [Frustrated] Perhaps we should focus less on what we call it and focusmore on the execution!=

09.07.032

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Harvey: I say, execution? Who's being executed?

--20cf303ea796b59dcc04c1f80586

09.07.033

Clint: Harv, you are the very model of a modern major general. How 'bout "Everybody get 'im!" It's elegant in its boldness and simplicity!

09.07.034

Charlie: [To Sven, raising her sword] Mr. Goring, I do not wish to fight you, but do not underestimate my passion for ancient texts!

09.07.035

Sebastian: [To Sven] Only a fool would underestimate her passion for books. Are you that fool Sven?

09.07.036

Sven: Only a fool would underestimate the power of the Baring Meter. Are you that fool?


;;; No posting from me today!

09.07.037

[No one says anything for a few moments.]

Alice: Uh, I think that maybe we all are.

09.07.038

Clint: After knowing us all these years, do you even have to ask that question?

09.07.038

Charlie: [Hesitates] Well, it very nearly killed me last time, but-- [abruptly attacks Sven] .

09.07.039

Alice: But what? What? Why don't people finish their--

[CHARLIE charges towards SVEN, but a small boy, PERIK SULLIVAN steps in front of her.]

Perik: [Calmly] Whatcha you doing?

09.07.040

Charlie: [Clumsily stumbles to a halt. To Perik] Young man, you shouldn't be here! This is a dangerous place.

09.07.041

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Harvey: Indeed, you can tell it's dangerous because we're here, what?

--20cf303ea79603e70804c2446dab

09.07.042

Perik: Sure. But it just seems kinda strange and all, you know, considering... [tails off]

09.07.043

Charlie: [Impatiently] Considering what? We have a battle to wage, so time is of the essence!

09.07.044

Perik: Oh, it's nothing, just, well... yeah, I'm sure Pestilence isn't out torturing people who've been kind of annoying, or, you know, that your party won't be defeated and that each of you will end up alone, dying miserably in a grotty hotel room, not found until the neighbours complain the police about the smell.

09.07.044

Dur: Perhaps the young lad is seeking a good Orphanarium? You know, one that doesn't burn down?=

09.07.045

Perik: No, I'm fine here, thanks. Well, other than the constant forced bathing. I guess it'll soon be time for the quarter-hourly bath. I just hope they don't shave off all our hair this time.

Austin: [Screams like a girl] No! [To the party] Look, I'm sorry, I know this book is important and all, but this is our hair... [looks around at the others] well, let's be frank, my hair that we're talking about here. [Somewhat hysterically] My hair!

09.07.046

Dur: [Squeels like a girl and freezes in place] Did you say b-b-b-bath?

09.07.045

Charlie: [To Perik, defensively] Of course Pestilence isn't torturing anyone! [Hesitates] Unless he has a very good reason. [Worriedly] Most likely.

09.07.047

Perik: No, I said "bath".

Alice: [Looks at the others] What the hell is wrong with you?

Perik: I know, it's weird. It's like they've suddenly broken out in a bunch of zits, and their beautiful face has become so scarred and pock-marked that people won't be able to overlook their obvious shallowness and will thus treat them with the same sort of disdain and disregard that they themselves have treated people with all their lives.

Alice: Huh?

Perik: You've got a spot on your nose.

Alice: Aiiiieeee!

09.07.048

Charlie: [To Perik, enraged] What do you know about Pestilence? Who is he torturing?!

09.07.049

Perik: [Shrugs] I don't know. Probably some innocent who doesn't deserve it, and certainly not Bustin Jeibers, the popular singer/songwriter who's on is way to sing a medley of his most annoying tunes.

09.07.050

Charlie: [Slightly relieved] We-ell, he is not precisely an innocent, to be fair. [Quickly] Though Pestilence really shouldn't be torturing without a better reason!

09.07.051

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Harvey: [To Perik] Well, that won't do, will it, eh? He should begin torturing Bustin Jiebers immediately!

--20cf303dd808832bc404c2470309

09.07.051

Sebastian: [Turns pale, whispering slightly] A-a-alone? In a dark hotel room? Never getting married? Never having a family? [Starts to move closer to the others, very close] We're not going to die alone right? Get separated from each other and end up nothing but a bad smell?


;;; Sorry internet has been down all day, again

09.07.052

Perik: I think I can hear some Bustin Jiebers music right now! [Tries to listen for it]

Austin: [To Sebastian] Forget that! Let's get out of here before my hair iscut!

09.07.053

Clint: Let's get out of here before they start playing too much Bustin Jeibers!

09.07.053

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Harvey: I say, can anyone hear some sort of noise in the distance? It sounds almost like someone molesting a dying cat with a cheese-grater, only much worse. [Ponders] In fact, it sounds like [Pales in horror] Bustin Jiebers! Run!!! Hide!!! RETREAT!!! [Runs round like a headless chicken, before stopping and falling to the ground in a fetal position, quivering]

--20cf302d4892e9281c04c2482cae

09.07.054

Sebastian: [Wraps his arms around Charlie] Hold me please! I do not want to die alone!

09.07.055

Charlie: [To Sebastian, pulling away from him, horrified] Have you lost your mind?! Do you want Pestilence to flay you?!

09.07.056

Perik: No need to worry, Pestilence won't do that. He's probably too busy out doing something really evil with Will. [Does a double take on Alice] Yikes! Not so close! A squirt of pus from those zits would knock me down.

Alice: [Drops to her knees] Noooooo!

09.07.057

Sebastian: [To Charlie] I don't care, as long as I am not alone! And it's not dark!

09.07.058

Clint: I'd rather die pimply and alone than have to listen to that stuff. Run away! Run away!

09.07.059

Dur: I agree! Running away is disgrace is way better than being forced to bathe!

09.07.060

Perik: I think running away is a super idea. You and Austin could run away together, Clint, and spend the rest of your lives, hiding from the shame. Who knows? You might strike up a beautiful friendship. Maybe more!

09.07.061

Clint: [Cinematically.] Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!

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09.07.063

Alice: [Desperately checking her face, which has not zits at all] Aiiieeee! I'm covered in zits.

Perik: Wow. Things are really turning out bad for you guys. It might be best to just throw yourselves off the building and into the fire.

09.07.064

Charlie: [To Perik, astonished] You're the Baring Meter, aren't you?!

09.07.065

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Harvey: [To the party] By the saints, don't leave me! No colonel left behind, what?!?

--0016369fa2c6a9075104c256ba77

09.07.066

Sebastian; [Practically screams at Harvey] Stop saying that word!

09.07.067

Perik: Wow. It sure does suck to be you guys. At least Deuce will recover quickly if Alice throws herself off the building, otherwise it would be really embarrassing if he had to date an ugly girl.

Alice: [Despairingly] He's right!

Perik: [Nods and smiles] Do it! [Suddenly looks startled, and blood comes out his mouth.] Ow.

[A sword protrudes from PERIK's chest. He has been stabbed from behind. Suddenly, everyone feels normal -- well, as normal as these people can feel, at any rate -- again.]

Perik: Well, that's not great. That's not even good!

09.07.068

Charlie: [To Perik, triumphantly] Take that, you horrid thing!

09.07.069

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On 13 June 2012 10:37, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com> wrote:

Harvey: [To Sebastian] What word, what? Make sense, man, what? Horses for courses and all that, what what what?


;;; Sorry Drew, had to be done! :)

--20cf303bfc88ed24ad04c2576138

09.07.070

Alice: Who did that? They just saved us! I bet it was Deucie!

Austin: Nonsense, it was almost certainly Amelia!

09.07.070

Sebastian: [Screams in utter frustration] ARRRRRRRGGGHHH!


;;; Wouldn't be Queens View any other way :D

09.07.071

Charlie: [To Alice and Austin] Do be serious! It was surely Pestilence who saved us!

09.07.072

Sebastian: [Calmly] That feels better. Hey maybe Sven came to his senses and saved us?

09.07.073

[PERIK drops to his knees, before falling on his face, dead. Behind him stands TAREK TARDELLI, a man in a smart suit and a yellow tie. He quickly pulls the sword out. TAREK is about thirty feet away from the party.]

Sven: [Looking over] Hey! The Baring Meter!

09.07.074

Charlie: [To Sven] The little boy, or the YTG?!

09.07.075

Sebastian: Doctor Parker-Kensington, given the facts before us, and also behind us, it is prudent to conclude the boy is, or was as the case may now be, the Baring Meter. Given the weapon was once property of the Care Bares, and the Yellow Tie Guys are from another realm to them, I doubt a Yellow Tie Guy would in fact be the dreaded weapon of the Care Bears. Also, take in to account we all returned to our normal selves only after the Yellow Tie Guy thrust his blade through the young boy and ended his life. Plus the boy was appearing to have great amount of fun at our own personal inner perils.

09.07.076

Alice: Furthermore, given that Sebastian now seems to be some sort of scientist type, we can only conclude that Sven is a big poopy head.

[SVEN pulls out an orb which he smashes on the ground in front of him, creating a large, swirling circle.]

09.07.077

Sebastian: [To Alice] What? Didn't I tell you when we first met that I am a physicist? [Looks back at Sven at the smashing] Going somewhere?

09.07.078

Sven: Yes.

[SVEN jumps into the swirling hole and it disappears after him.]

Alice: You did, but we never hear you talk physicistitis! [To Tarek] What now?

[TAREK turns and runs, clearly aiming to leap off the building.]

09.07.079

Charlie: Grab him! [Tries to tackle Tarek]

09.07.080

[TAREK is too far away, and, when he gets to the edge, he stands for a moment and looks back.]

Tarek: Your god has lost control. [Leaps off]

09.07.081

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Harvey: Gah! Hmm, well he seemed a bit of an odd fellow, eh?

--20cf303bfc8849a5ff04c2591942

09.07.082

Sebastian: That's rich coming from any one of us.


;;; Out for rest of day

09.07.083

Charlie: [Baffled] What on earth did he mean? Phili has lost control?

09.07.084

Alice: Lost control? The guy's an idiot!

[The party stand at the edge of the building and peer over onto the surrounding carnage. The town is littered with bodies, and demons roam the streets freely, picking off people at will. It is a dark moment, and a sombre mood descends.]

Alice: [Suddenly spotting Deuce] Deeeeeeeeuciiiiiiiiiiie! I loooooooooove yoooooooooou!


;;; End of Book VIII, Act IX. Next one coming right up