[Enter MAC, looking travel worn. MAC looks around for the others]

Mac: Hello? Anybody here? [Wonders around before taking a seat in the living room to await the others]

[Enter JERRICK, wearing a big woolly jumper bearing the message "I LOVE MUM"]

Jerrick: Hi, Mac. How's it going?


[Book VII, Act VII, Scene I. A Square. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and TITUS are here, having just come through the doors. As soon as they stepped through, there was a blinding flash of light, and then they found themselves in what appears to be a huge town square. There are literally thousands of people here, cheering and clapping. Many of them are holding signs that say things like "I love Alice", "Marry me, Austin XOXOXO", "Let me bathe you, Clint!", "Charlie is the boss of me!", "Will work for food for Dur", "Harvey is a silver FOX" and "Titus 4-ever" amongst others. When the party appear, there is a huge amount of cheering and clapping.]

Alice: [Looks behind the party for a a moment] Huh. [To the party] Hey! I think they're cheering for us!

;;; We have a lurker for the next few days. That's Alistair, who may

;;; be joining, depending on how his timing works out. Please make

;;; sure he's on all your distribution lists


Charlie: [Very pleased] How remarkable! Word of our impressive victory has already spread back to our home dimension! [Waves to the crowd and calls out] We did it all for you, our adoring fans!

;;;Welcome, Alistair!


Austin : [To Charlie] You appear to have some willing minions. Remarkable [Goes over to chat to the girl that is an Austin fan] Hello. [Smiles]

;;; Hi, Alistair!


Harvey : [Waves at his fans] Give me a big By The Saints, fans!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302


[There is a loud "Hurrah" in response to this. Meanwhile, AUSTIN starts chatting to MEL SPICE, one of the girls with a sign about him.]

Mel: Gosh! Austin! Oh my God! This is, like, the greatest moment of my life! I'm the president of the Queens View Fan Club -- Austin chapter, of course -- I'd be awfully glad if you could tattoo your signature across my chest. [Holds out a rusty blade and some ink, giving a huge grin]


Dur: [Looks a little uncomfortable] Isn't anyone concerned about the suddenwave of admiration? Could it be some kind of trap? I'm not used to the fee= ling of being adored...From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id l17cs206728fan; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 07:01:06 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=heather.goggans@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [] ) by with SMTP id a58mr3211911wem.82.1298386866094 (num_hops = 1); Tue, 22 Feb 2011 07:01:06 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type; bh=xzQ8cajjafhYAj7TzGL6Ri5c+zwEU2/E3NfXUzz3QSw=; b=DoZRbod7S9nNvWjHhk52pZpZ5kfL7dsTrXBXFQPsuTbWOnZUv8ijqX1pvMkDa479Cl VerHboShScBwOHyQOTksiloVsrnOfl5rglMVfya3Zo4twPidtunZOTlcInDNRKchb2jM hfAYElmIqcpC+IUbo1QD2CKYfH1FQ9cRcSVk8DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=vOetaNVqyMA6boNCZs5QDT7EwSN/UROVDb0qWSL5XqksV3WsblzMC0XpTsH+bWkFTU /bEk6NGyCFHWohEii4AV7NzXAcPwOXQ0J/aZRHraNrg8lojf7s2WW5GWH9iBM4Sr0wo/ 97DF8OOGKXJv2QkHPeaHQdo5dlP6JcmLnBzDIMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with SMTP id a58mr2322249wem.82.1298386866023; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 07:01:06 -0800 (PST) Received: by with HTTP; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 07:01:05 -0800 (PST) Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2011 15:01:05 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTin=27nvXd4Bq=S5xphSDe3nSXhUMA=SNE+hKAcU@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, "Mulholland, Alistair" <Alistair.Mulholland@sensis.com.au> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: [Pointing to the "Will Work for Food for Dur" sign] If it makes you feel better, at least some of these people seem to pity you rather than admire you! Surely that seems more natural to you?


Austin : [A little surprised. To Mel] Well, it has been some time since I last tattooed. If you don't mind I have my own needle [Produces some ultra cleansing wipes and proceeds to throughly prepare Mel's chest area for he tattoo]


Mel: [Excited] Is it a needle that you've used on yourself?

[The crowd is getting very excited, and is starting close in on the party, with some pushing and shoving starting.]

Alice: Take it easy! [Does a double take] Hey! Look at that guy! [Points to a sign that read "Down With This Sort of Thing"] That's not exactly fan club material, is it?


Charlie: [To Austin, watching the crowd] Mr. Sleaze, do rejoin us! This crowd is growing a bit unpredictable, so perhaps we should make our exit as soon as possible?


Austin : [To Mel] Oh dear, my colleagues also require my presence, would you be so kind as to come with me, we can finish this some where a little more private. [Heads back to the party]


[Enter GADAM ITLIN, a nerdy looking man, holding a sign that say "Organize ME, Charlie".]

Gadam: Dr. Parker-Kensington! Gadam Itlin, President of the Charlie Chapter of the Queens View Fan Club. Do you have any words for your fans?


Clint: [Clearly loving this.] Hey ladies, who wants to come bathe with me? [Pauses.] And who wants a gift certificate for kiddie food?

;;; Howdy, Alistair!


Dur: I have some words for you! Why do we have fans?


Charlie: [To Dur] Do be quiet! I am meeting my public. [To Gadam, flattered] How lovely to meet you! Yes, I should like to advise my fans of my upcoming article in the Northern Academy of Science's Science and Stuff journal. Copies are available in better bookshops now, and I am more than happy to autograph copies for my fans, of course.


Dur: [Crosses his arms huffily] This is exactly how we're always getting introuble. No one ever looks a gift meal in the mouth. [Scratches his head] = Is that how the expressions goes?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id l17cs213039fan; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 07:53:06 -0800 (PST) Received: by with SMTP id e29mr5197354yhg.11.1298389985466; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 07:53:05 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Received: from mh1.mail.rice.edu (mh1.mail.rice.edu [] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id b5si14642437yha.86.2011.; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 07:53:05 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu Received: from mh1.mail.rice.edu (localhost.localdomain [] ) by mh1.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTP id E827128FAEC; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:53:04 -0600 (CST) X-Virus-Scanned: by amavis-2.6.4 at mh1.mail.rice.edu, auth channel Received: from mh1.mail.rice.edu ( [] ) by mh1.mail.rice.edu (mh1.mail.rice.edu [] ) (amavis, port 10026) with ESMTP id g8HAbG4TGSG6; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:53:04 -0600 (CST) Received: from localhost (localhost.localdomain [] ) (using TLSv1 with cipher DHE-RSA-AES256-SHA (256/256 bits)) (No client certificate requested) (Authenticated sender: th4) by mh1.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTPSA id B247A28FAEB; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:53:04 -0600 (CST) Received: from c-98-201-88-214.hsd1.tx.comcast.net (c-98-201-88-214.hsd1.tx.comcast.net [] ) by webmail.mail.rice.edu (Horde Framework) with HTTP; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:53:04 -0600 Message-ID: <20110222095304.313331lra8k57un4@webmail.mail.rice.edu> Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2011 09:53:04 -0600 To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, "Mulholland, Alistair" <Alistair.Mulholland@sensis.com.au> References: <AANLkTinr17kSEH18=y_77NZ6xER_2NRKJzxiK_F6kCdg@mail.gmail.com> <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176907A2630D15@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> In-Reply-To: <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176907A2630D15@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; DelSp="Yes"; format="flowed" Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit User-Agent: Internet Messaging Program (IMP) H3 (4.3.7) X-Horde-Authenticated: th4

Clint: Nah, Doc. It's "never look gift whores in the mouth", and it's good advice!


Charlie: I fail to see why we should find it extraordinary that the citizens of our dimension should like to celebrate our victory, given that it plainly saved all of them from certain doom! A little gratitude is hardly too much to ask, under the circumstances.


Austin : [To Dur] It is my experience that in situations like this, regardles of what we do, some terrible ill befalls us, so we should probably make the most of it, whilst we can. The horrors of this world will be upon us all too soon. [Frowns as he looks over the crowd] If this is our world.


Clint: They love us, lawyer, so of course it's not our world! I say we just enjoy it while we have the time. [Continues playing to the crowd.]


Harvey : The crowd are being whipped into a bit of a frenzy troop, this could become extremely dangerous. We should depart, as of the now, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302


Gadam: Actually, Clint, it is your world! Everyone here loves every one of you now!

Alice: [Points to a sign that says "Alice is a Whore"] Even that guy?

Gadam: Well, not *everyone*!


Charlie: [Looks at Alice's sign, shocked] How rude! And after all we've done for them!


Dur: But how do they know that we saved them all?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id l17cs220823fan; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 08:59:58 -0800 (PST) Received: by with SMTP id y14mr1318398anc.31.1298393998210; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 08:59:58 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Received: from mh5.mail.rice.edu (mh5.mail.rice.edu [] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id b26si15168821ana.16.2011.; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 08:59:58 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu Received: from mh5.mail.rice.edu (localhost.localdomain [] ) by mh5.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTP id 90C1528F95B; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 10:59:57 -0600 (CST) X-Virus-Scanned: by amavis-2.6.4 at mh5.mail.rice.edu, auth channel Received: from mh5.mail.rice.edu ( [] ) by mh5.mail.rice.edu (mh5.mail.rice.edu [] ) (amavis, port 10026) with ESMTP id BimjLBJ35f-L; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 10:59:57 -0600 (CST) Received: from localhost (localhost.localdomain [] ) (using TLSv1 with cipher DHE-RSA-AES256-SHA (256/256 bits)) (No client certificate requested) (Authenticated sender: th4) by mh5.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTPSA id 2978428F95A; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 10:59:57 -0600 (CST) Received: from c-98-201-88-214.hsd1.tx.comcast.net (c-98-201-88-214.hsd1.tx.comcast.net [] ) by webmail.mail.rice.edu (Horde Framework) with HTTP; Tue, 22 Feb 2011 10:59:56 -0600 Message-ID: <20110222105956.98945pbik6ki5o5o@webmail.mail.rice.edu> Date: Tue, 22 Feb 2011 10:59:56 -0600 To: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, "Mulholland, Alistair" <Alistair.Mulholland@sensis.com.au> References: <AANLkTinC4mbZY3p0g1ovDUwVCC9y4uaTqSmdkNkhQMTa@mail.gmail.com> In-Reply-To: <AANLkTinC4mbZY3p0g1ovDUwVCC9y4uaTqSmdkNkhQMTa@mail.gmail.com> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; DelSp="Yes"; format="flowed" Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit User-Agent: Internet Messaging Program (IMP) H3 (4.3.7) X-Horde-Authenticated: th4

Clint: You want me to beat him up, Bimbo?


Charlie: [To Dur, uncertainly] That's a good question. Perhaps the show executives issued a press release about it? [To Gadam] How did you learn of our triumphant victory?


Alice: [To Clint] Yes!

Gadam: Oh, we all-- [gets pushed, and turns to the person who pushed him] I say! I'm the president of the fan club, stay back, sir!

[Bang. GADAM gets hid over the head by a sign that states "Shut Up, Charlie!"]


Clint: You got it! [Heads into the crowd looking for the "Alice is a whore" guy so he can beat said person to a rather fetching shade of purple.]


[CLINT makes no progress, as it is blocked by a bunch of people carrying signs like "Austin is cruel to animals", "Drop Dead Clint", "Time To Retire, Harvey" and "Keep Dur Away From Our Children". The crowd is starting to push and shove rather unpleasantly now.]

Alice: How the hell are we going to get out of here?


Charlie: [Irritably tries to snatch the "Shut up, Charlie!" sign] Give me that! [Calls after Clint] Mr. Scar, I appreciate your defense of Alice, but we cannot take on an entire mob!


Dur: Perhaps he should make a hasty get away? Everyone grab hold of me! [Dur tries to snatch a nearby sign and attempts to cast Deeper Darkness (http:= //www.dnd-wiki.org/wiki/SRD:Deeper_Darkness)] =20


[Unfortunately, DUR can't cast his spell due to all the pushing and shoving. A police siren blares out, and slowly makes its way through the crowd. Sitting in the police carriage is TOMPARS PARIS and BARRY GOODBAR, two HARMA Initiates.]

Tompars: [Stepping down from the carriage, and speaking with barely concealed glee] You're all under arrest!

Alice: Phew! Well done, officer, although I think you'll have trouble fitting the mob into your little police carriage.

Tompars: Not them, you and your disgusting party members!

;;; The party have dealt with Tompars several times in the last few months;

;;; usually he is trying to arrest them, and has failed all but one time.


Charlie: [To Tompars] On what charges?!


Clint: Charges? They don't need no steenking charges!


Tompars: Charges? We don't need no -- [realises what Clint said] huh.

Barry: [Reading from a sheet of paper] Aiding and abetting a known cult; joining a known cult; being leaders of a known cult; stealing a HARMA bus; causing a prison riot; destruction of prison property, to wit, walls, seventeen of; cells, eight of; torture device, one of; toilet, one of.

Alice: [Interrupting, enraged] It wasn't destroyed, it was blocked!


Charlie: To be fair, we didn't do SOME of that, AND we just saved this dimension not 10 minutes ago!


Clint: Hell, Sarge is right, you know. Besides, keep this up an you'll have to add decking a HARMA official to the list!


Barry: [Irritated] That's already on the list, four times! [To Charlie] Yes, we're all aware of your tawdry behaviour, and I'm sure the court will take that into consideration when sentencing you to death.


Charlie: [Baffled] What do you mean, [finger quotes] tawdry behavior?


Barry: Oh, you know!

[Enter a dozen HARMA Initiates from the back of the carriage, trying to push their way through the crowd who are starting to get angry, either because they want to harass the party or because they want to tell them how much they love them.]


Charlie: Group, they wouldn't dare arrest us in front of our adoring fans. Let us try to work our way through the crowd. Surely there are enough friendly fans here to get us through!


[A bunch of eggs fly through the air and hit each of TITUS, CHARLIE, AUSTIN and HARVEY. Meanwhile, the crowd get even nastier, pushing and shoving aggressively.]

Alice: Ow! Someone just pulled my hair!

Barry: Hair pulling is an approved detention technique for HARMA Operatives.

[Everyone is distracted by the sound of a huge horn coming from the back of the crowd. They turn to see that there is a huge articulated carriage (semi-carriage to Americans) driving into the crowd, sending them scattering.]


Harvey : [Looking at the eggy mess] I say, they could have at least cooked them first!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302


[Beeeeep! The carriage is approaching at an alarming rate.]

Barry: [Stepping in front of the carriage] Halt! Stop in the name of HARMA!


Austin : [Agast at being egged] Arrest them! Arrest them! My suit is ruined! [Points wildly at people who may have thrown eggs]


Alice: Hey! I didn't throw any eggs!

Barry: [Defiantly standing in front of the speeding carriage] Stop in the name of HARMA!

[Splat. The carriage drives straight into BARRY, before skidding to a halt millimetres from the party. The door swings open. Inside sits PESTILENCE.]

Pestilence: Need a ride?


Austin : [Reluctantly] Yes. [Gets in looking glum and eggy]


Charlie: [Beaming and starry-eyed] Your timing couldn't be better, darling! [Gets into the carriage next to Pestilence. Breathlessly] I know this isn't the ideal situation in which to discuss this, and I really would have preferred not to be dripping egg at the very least, but there is something I simply must tell you while I have this chance. [Deep breath] I've told the group about us. I don't want to hide the way I feel about you anymore. I love you! [Gives Pestilence a long, passionate kiss]


[The mob get even more obnoxious as the rest of the party climb aboard, with much rocking of the carriage, as well as eggs and small animals being thrown at the windscreen.]

Pestilence: [Savour the kiss, before pulling back] I know, baby, I saw it all on the TV!

[There is an irritating high pitched squeak as BARRY slides down the windscreen and onto the ground.]


Charlie: [Horrified] You saw it on television HERE?!


Pestilence: [Revs up the horses] Sure did, everyone here was watching it!

[Zooms away from the crowd, causing them to scatter and dive for cover.]


Charlie: [Groans] My colleagues have seen me sashaying around in a saucy maid's costume?! I'll have set the field of cryptozoology back by decades!

;;;That's my three!


Austin : But you did save this dimension, and you did it for the greater good. No one can deny that. [Ponders] Well, they could, but they would be stupid.


Pestilence: This is a world that voted HARMA into power even though they had free will; they are stupid enouggh for that. [To Charlie, with a big grin] Everyone saw you sashaying around in a saucy maid's costume -- I sure hope you kept it!


Dur: Hey! Less nauseating displays of affection and more running for our lives, please!=


Charlie: [To Pestilence, with a coy smile] We can talk about that later, darling, but first there's something rather serious I must raise with you. You know that I trust you completely, and know that you would never hurt me. [Glances at the party] That said, I'm sure you can understand why the group might find it a bit difficult to trust you, given your history with them. As a favor to me, would you please assure them that you do not intend to harm them?


Pestilence: [Turns around on his seat to look at the party for a moment, before looking back to Charlie] Sure!


Dur: [Eyes narrow suspiciously] Well... I sure feel reassured.From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with HTTP; Wed, 23 Feb 2011 07:00:29 -0800 (PST) Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2011 15:00:29 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=LPcOvA6Oh5U13=+CqNn2Ldgwobe-SqaOnE_v+@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, "Mulholland, Alistair" <Alistair.Mulholland@sensis.com.au> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Pestilence: [To Charlie] Now, he's not a member of the party, right?


Charlie: [To Pestilence, unimpressed] That's Dur, and he is most definitely a member of the party. Now, perhaps you can muster a rather more robust reassurance for my friends and colleagues who are prepared to accept you as part of my life despite the fact that you've hurt or killed many of them?!


Pestilence: I'm *really* sure!


Charlie: [Sighs] Thank you, darling! There is one more thing I need to ask you. [Glances at Austin] You told me you didn't kill Lucy, but it seems you told Mr. Sleaze that you did. Could you please explain that to us?


Pestilence: [Looks directly at Austin] That wasn't Lucy. It was a minion of Athlacca.

;;; Athlacca is a demon from another dimension that tried to invade the Realms

;;; before. He had an advance party of minor demons who were able to

;;; take the shape of humans.


Dur: [With crossed arms] Well that is awfully convenient. Why didn't you just tell us that at the time?


Pestilence: [Shrugs] Couldn't be arsed.

Alice: It is a little far-fetched, in fairness.

Pestilence: That I couldn't be arsed?

Alice: No, that's what I'd expect. About Lucy being a demon.

Pestilence: Maybe, but it's not as far fetched as her spontaneously resurrecting from the dead.


Clint: Yeeees, although for us, the weird freaky insane stuff happens every day! Like being taken to a foreign dimension to compete on a game show for the safety of our dimension, for example.


Alice: Or being protested at even though we saved the world -- again!

Pestilence: You know the public, fickle bunch of bastards.


Charlie: [To Clint] True, but I've never known him to deny any other atrocity he's committed. [Sheepishly] I accept that that's not the nicest thing to be able to say about someone, but my point is--why would he deny this, but not the other horrible things he's done to each of you?


Pestilence: [Nods] It's true. So, Pesty and the party, back together again! Come on, I've got you a hotel to hide out in. It's a disgusting fleapit, so should be perf!


Charlie: [Smiles at Pestilence] How thoughtful! [Struck by a sudden thought] Oh, something I've been meaning to ask you for ages! Why did you and Darius go to Ixi? And since when are you two so chummy? When we met, he called me "Charge In"--somehow I doubt you've told many people THAT much about your past.


Pestilence: We were there for a translation, but don't worry, it's a long time since we were that chummy.


Clint: So, now that we've run over some HARMA idiot, what next? Run over more HARMA idiots?


Pestilence: I was going to suggest dropping you at that hotel, but sure, we can do that. [Does a big u-turn in the street]


Charlie: [To Clint] I suppose we'll lie low for tonight and decide our next move! The less exposure to HARMA agents, the better! [To Pestilence, clearly dying of curiosity] Oooh, what did you have translated?! And why did things go so badly between you and Darius? What happened?


Pestilence: [Now racing back towards the mob] We needed something encrypted. It was all going fine until we encountered the [dramatically] Virgin Building.

Alice: I thought it was a Virgin Room?

Pestilence: It is now!


Charlie: [To Clint] Please don't encourage his worst instincts! [To Pestilence] Darling, do turn around and continue taking us to the hotel, [raising an eyebrow] though I must say what happens once we get there depends heavily upon your explanation as to what role you played in reducing the Virgin Building to merely a Virgin Room!


Dur: Ooooooo.... Busted!

;;; Away in a meeting for the next 3 hours!From qvblogger

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Pestilence: Sigh! [Does another u-turn in the street and heads back in the direction they were originally going]

Alice: So, Pestilence, where are we?

Pestilence: In a carriage.

Alice: Really? It's so big I thought it might be a poor person's house. Not someone as poor as Dur, but fairly poor.


Charlie: I think perhaps she meant, where are we in a geographical sense? But don't let that interrupt your thrilling tale of adventure! What went wrong in the Virgin Building/Room?


Clint: It probably is. You know, one of those recreational carriages with a minibar in the back? [Goes to check on this hypothesis.]


Austin : [Eventually finishes cleaning egg off his person to his satisfaction, snaps shut his pocket mirror and puts it away] Well, Athlacca, hmm, yes. [To Charlie] I should also correct you in that Pestilence did say that he was *responsible* for Lucy's death, but did not claim to have personally done the deed. [To Pestilence] So, how did Athlacca get a the new demon Lucy into the realms?


Pestilence: [To Clint] Nah, it's an ice-truck carriage. I thought it might be handy later if we need to hide some bodies. [Looks Charlie up and down] There's a picture of you in all the papers wearing nothing but really skimpy underwear!


Harvey : And where are you bringing us, eh?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302


Pestilence: [Quickly] Good question, Austin! Probably the same way he got his other demons through. Some sort of [does a vague hand wave] orb, I suppose.


Pestilence: Yeah, that kind of thing. Although, of course, we didn't kill any little girls.


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Charlie: [To Dur, a bit sharply] Of course there is!


RHVyOiBbQSBsaXR0bGUgd2lzdGZ1bGx5XSBhbmQgbWF5YmUgdGhlcmUgaXMgaG9wZSBmb3IgYWxs IG9mIHVzISBbR2xhbmNlcyBhdCBBbGljZV0gV2VsbCwgbW9zdCBvZiB1cy4NCg0KLS0tLS0gT3Jp Z2luYWwgTWVzc2FnZSAtLS0tLQ0KRnJvbTogSGVhdGhlciA8aGVhdGhlci5nb2dnYW5zQGdtYWls LmNvbT4NClRvOiBEYXksIEtldmluIFIuICAoTGFzIENvbGluYXMpICBOQQ0KQ2M6IGNvbm9yLnJA Z21haWwuY29tIDxjb25vci5yQGdtYWlsLmNvbT47IFRob21hcy5IZW5kZXJzb25AcmljZS5lZHUg PFRob21hcy5IZW5kZXJzb25AcmljZS5lZHU+OyBkam1hbHppZUBnbWFpbC5jb20gPGRqbWFsemll QGdtYWlsLmNvbT47IENvbGluLkRpbmFuQHZlcnNpb24xLmNvbSA8Q29saW4uRGluYW5AdmVyc2lv bjEuY29tPjsgdGg0QHJpY2UuZWR1IDx0aDRAcmljZS5lZHU+OyBjaGluY2EuYWxAdGJjYW0uY29t IDxjaGluY2EuYWxAdGJjYW0uY29tPjsgZGluYW5jb2xpbkBnb29nbGVtYWlsLmNvbSA8ZGluYW5j b2xpbkBnb29nbGVtYWlsLmNvbT47IGRqbWFsemllQGdvb2dsZW1haWwuY29tIDxkam1hbHppZUBn b29nbGVtYWlsLmNvbT47IHF2YmxvZ2dlckBnbWFpbC5jb20gPHF2YmxvZ2dlckBnbWFpbC5jb20+ OyBBbGlzdGFpci5NdWxob2xsYW5kQHNlbnNpcy5jb20uYXUgPEFsaXN0YWlyLk11bGhvbGxhbmRA c2Vuc2lzLmNvbS5hdT4NClNlbnQ6IFdlZCBGZWIgMjMgMTE6NTQ6MzggMjAxMQpTdWJqZWN0OiBb cXZdIDA3LjAxLjA3OA0KDQo+IExhc3QgZnJvbSBLZXZpbiAjNzcNCj4NCj4NCj4+IEhhcnZleSA6 IEFuZCB3aGVyZSBhcmUgeW91IGJyaW5naW5nIHVzLCBlaD8NCj4+DQo+PiBEdXI6IFlvdSBtZWFu IGxpa2UgdGhlIG9yYiB0aGF0IEhhcnZleSB1c2VkIHdoZW4gaGUga2lsbGVkIHRoYXQgbGl0dGxl IGdpcmw/DQo+DQo+IFBlc3RpbGVuY2U6IFllYWgsIHRoYXQga2luZCBvZiB0aGluZy4gQWx0aG91 Z2gsIG9mIGNvdXJzZSwgd2UgZGlkbid0DQo+IGtpbGwgYW55IGxpdHRsZSBnaXJscy4NCj4NCj4g RHVyOiBXZWxsLCBwZXJoYXBzIHRoZXJlIGlzIGhvcGUgZm9yIHlvdSBhZnRlciBhbGwhDQoNCkNo YXJsaWU6IFtUbyBEdXIsIGEgYml0IHNoYXJwbHldIE9mIGNvdXJzZSB0aGVyZSBpcyENCgFrom qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id u20cs271629anc; Wed, 23 Feb 2011 10:17:42 -0800 (PST) Received: by with SMTP id u5mr344797ybf.293.1298485052174; Wed, 23 Feb 2011 10:17:32 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Received: from mh5.mail.rice.edu (mh5.mail.rice.edu [] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id t16si13426836ybe.16.2011.; Wed, 23 Feb 2011 10:17:32 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu Received: from mh5.mail.rice.edu (localhost.localdomain [] ) by mh5.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTP id A92AE28F98E; Wed, 23 Feb 2011 12:17:31 -0600 (CST) X-Virus-Scanned: by amavis-2.6.4 at mh5.mail.rice.edu, auth channel Received: from mh5.mail.rice.edu ( [] ) by mh5.mail.rice.edu (mh5.mail.rice.edu [] ) (amavis, port 10026) with ESMTP id 6NLK7EgVMJCO; Wed, 23 Feb 2011 12:17:31 -0600 (CST) Received: from localhost (localhost.localdomain [] ) (using TLSv1 with cipher DHE-RSA-AES256-SHA (256/256 bits)) (No client certificate requested) (Authenticated sender: th4) by mh5.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTPSA id 6B3DF28F995; Wed, 23 Feb 2011 12:17:31 -0600 (CST) Received: from c-98-201-88-214.hsd1.tx.comcast.net (c-98-201-88-214.hsd1.tx.comcast.net [] ) by webmail.mail.rice.edu (Horde Framework) with HTTP; Wed, 23 Feb 2011 12:17:31 -0600 Message-ID: <20110223121731.1632169ldkqx9fej@webmail.mail.rice.edu> Date: Wed, 23 Feb 2011 12:17:31 -0600 To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: "'heather.goggans@gmail.com'" <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, "'conor.r@gmail.com'" <conor.r@gmail.com>, "'djmalzie@gmail.com'" <djmalzie@gmail.com>, "'Colin.Dinan@version1.com'" <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, "'th4@rice.edu'" <th4@rice.edu>, "'chinca.al@tbcam.com'" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, "'dinancolin@googlemail.com'" <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, "'djmalzie@googlemail.com'" <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, "'qvblogger@gmail.com'" <qvblogger@gmail.com>, "'Alistair.Mulholland@sensis.com.au'" <Alistair.Mulholland@sensis.com.au> References: <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176907A2811642@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> In-Reply-To: <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176907A2811642@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=UTF-8; DelSp="Yes"; format="flowed" Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit User-Agent: Internet Messaging Program (IMP) H3 (4.3.7) X-Horde-Authenticated: th4

Clint: Hey, just because she'd sell you out for bag of beauty products and a pair of shiny shoes doesn't mean she's beyond hope!


Alice: It wasn't a bag of beauty products, it was a [dramatically] Orb of Colour!


Charlie: [To Alice, reassuringly] Not to worry, we all know how dazzled you are by shiny things! No one expects you to be able to resist! [Looking out the window, to Pestilence] This area looks terribly familiar. Do you know the name of the nearest town?


Pestilence: We're in the nearest town -- it's Apraxia.


Clint: Anything special about Apraxia? Other than that we're here?


Charlie: [Delighted] Yes, our family estate is quite near here! [To the party] How thrilling! You can all meet my family, and I can take a look in the Willets-Carruthers Collection to find out more about Ludusity! [Gives Pestilence a sly smile] Though we should wait until tomorrow to go, of course. I think straight to the hotel now is the best course of action.


Clint: [Drily.] I'm sure it is. I can't wait to introduce your family to your murderous scumbag of a boytoy! [To Pestilence, hastily.] Err... no offense!


Pestilence: [Jealously] Murderous scumbag of a boytoy? Who the hell is that?


Charlie: [Gives Clint a dirty look. To Pestilence, soothingly] Don't be silly, darling, he means YOU, of course! You're the only mur--that is man for me, as you very well know.


Pestilence: Oh, oh that's okay then. [To Clint, feigning puzzlement] Why would I be offended at that?

[The carriage skids to a halt outside a really dingy hotel, which is called the "Fabulous Alternative Restaurant and Tavern".]

Pestilence: [Handing over a key] I got you a suite; you'll want to get out of the city in the morning. Since the curfew was introduced, it's impossible to move around at night. Well, not impossible, but you'd want to be [looks over the party] yeah, the morning's the best time for you.


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On Feb 24, 2011, at 10:44 AM, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> wrote:

Charlie: [Takes the key] Thank you, but [disappointed] you aren't really leaving already?=

--Apple-Mail-4-265081078 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable


Pestilence: [Dramatically] I'll be back! [Roars off into the distance]

[The party get out of the carriage, and are standing outside the tavern. It is evening time, around 9PM.]

Alice: I suppose we better check out the room?


Austin : [Looks grimly at the FART] To Dur, you see. Only a moment ago I had a beautiful young woman in my arms who desperately wanted me to tattoo my name across her ivory white, smooth as cream breasts. Now that is all gone, and we have to sleep in a flea and tick infested pit of depravity. [Sighs] You should make the most of every opportunity for happiness. You will learn in time. [Nods sagely]


Charlie: There's no time for that now, Mr. Sleaze! We really must get insideat once! [Enters the FART]

;;;EW.From qvblogger

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Cc: dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>,

"Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas)NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>,

"Colin.Dinan@version1.com" <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, "th4@rice.edu" <th4@rice.edu>,

"chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>,

"dinancolin@googlemail.com" <dinancolin@googlemail.com>,

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[The party hurry inside, stepping over the various cheese addicts and dead hookers that populate the stairwell. The room upstairs is surprisingly large and comfortable. It has a common area with a bedroom for each of the party leading off. There are plates and plates of sandwiches here.]

Alice: [Looks at the sandwiches] Mm! Bread sandwiches, my favourite! [Takes one that has a piece of wholewheat bread between two pieces of white bread. [Through a full mouth] So, that was pretty weird, wasn't it? I guess everyone saw what happened?


Austin : [Nods] It seems that nothing of ourselves is sacred. We save the universe and in return everyone gets to see our deepest desires and motivations. [Brightens up] Well, some of tehm anyway. I guess it could be worse. [Nibbles at a wholewheat wholewheat bread sandwich]


Charlie: [Cringes] It was a dreadful violation of privacy! Surely you can arrange to sue them for us, Mr. Sleaze? [Picks at a piece of wholewheat bread distractedly, shuddering] How could they even know all of those things about us? It's all very sinister!


Austin : Indeed, I can make the arrangements to sue them on your behalf, at a reduced price, naturally. [Gets out his note pad] How much were you thinking of sueing them for?


Charlie: [Fuming] I haven't the slightest idea! Who knows the extent of the damage this has caused?! [A bit gloomily] Though I expect my parents will be only too happy to offer their opinions on the matter when we meet them tomorrow.


Dur: [His stomach drops and he looks gloomy, even in the pressence of free food] Perhaps it is best that we just forget it ever happened. No sense in = torturing ourleves over them right? I mean, they were just illusions... Weren't they?=


Charlie: I suppose they were, but they revealed our hidden desires and worst impulses! [To Alice] Speaking of which, how long have you been carrying a torch for Jerome?


Alice: I haven't been carrying a torch for him, I just, well, sometimes I wonder what could have been. What about the rest of you? Was there truth to the temptations?

;;; Colin's out?

Harvey: By the saints, what's the harm in a man wanting to see his favourite niece being happy, eh? Eh?


Austin : Well colonel, it is all about cost really. [To Charlie] How about twenty million gold crowns? Does that sonuds as if it is in the right ball park? Invasion of privacy suits are so very difficult to put a price to.


Charlie: [To Austin] It isn't a bad start, as I should be surprised if I am ever asked to speak at a conference again! [To Dur] What was that earlier, about your family? That you don't know what happened to them? How dreadful!


Alice: [To Austin] Invasion of privacy? Who are you going to sue? [To Dur] And who's Hatie?


Last fro Conor #104

Clint: [Shifty.] Of course they were just made up! I mean, really. Me tempted by girly fruity drinks? [Scoffs nervously.]


Alice: Oh, come on, Clint! Everyone knows you love the fruity-umbrella-ey drinks!


Austin : I am not going to sue anyone. However, I shall be putting a case together on behalf of Ms Charlotte Parker-Kensington, should she choose to proceed with her case. [Checks his fingernails briefly]


Dur: [Crosses his arms] No case for me, thank you very much. Nothing good can come from digging up the past! Much like nothing good can come from digg= ing up a corpse... Well, except for a tasty stew if the body is fresh enough...


Charlie: [To Austin] That's DR. Parker-Kensington! [To Dur] Surely you can trust us, though, Dur? You've certainly heard most of our dirty little secrets. Tell us about this Hatie character--and what you remember about your family!


Clint: Hey, Sarge, if the Doc would rather talk about his adventures in corpse molesting than about his past or his feelings or some crap like that, it just makes him a real man! Let it go.


Alice: Maybe it's the same story!


Charlie: [To Clint] Ordinarily, I would quite agree, but this is DUR. He clearly needs to be looked after, like a simple child, or a wilted plant, or a small, weak, lame animal. [Pats Dur's head fondly]


Dur: Well, if it means everyone will stop pestering me about it! It was a very long time ago. I had just finished my medical training, in the alley be= hind the temple taught by a very old and very wise vagabond! He was SO wise, that he had given up all his worldly possessions and decided to live in t= he dumpster behind the local Temple. Naturally I rushed home to tell my family that I was a Doctor now! And it had only cost me the entire savings tha= t my Mother had left! When I got home... There was no one there. Well with no money and no job, naturally I fell on hard times. Hatie was the first wo= man who took pity on me. She helped me out and got me a job, all in exchange for my... Services [Dur coughed and flushed brightly red] . When I found o= ut that she never planned on leaving her husband, I broke off our affair. Everything tanked after that, thanks to a few COMPLETELY COINCIDENTAL accide= nts that occurred while treating some terminal patients....


behind the temple taught by a very old and very wise vagabond! He was SO wise, that he had given up all his worldly possessions and decided to live in= the dumpster behind the local Temple. Naturally I rushed home to tell my family that I was a Doctor now! And it had only cost me the entire savings t= hat my Mother had left! When I got home... There was no one there. Well with no money and no job, naturally I fell on hard times. Hatie was the first = woman who took pity on me. She helped me out and got me a job, all in exchange for my... Services [Dur coughed and flushed brightly red] . When I found= out that she never planned on leaving her husband, I broke off our affair.Everything tanked after that, thanks to a few COMPLETELY COINCIDENTAL acci= dents that occurred while treating some terminal patients....

Charlie: [Intrigued] WHAT services?!

;;;Hilarious, Kevin!


Alice: Maybe HE's the one who should have been wearing the maid's dress!


Clint: [Quietly, but deadly serious.] Never, ever, suggest that again, Bimbo!


Alice: [Holds her hands up] Sorr-ry! Okay, [emphasis] you're the only one who gets to wear one. Better?


Charlie: [Nodding] You DO enjoy girlie drinks, after all!


Clint: [Indignant.] I do not! It's just that every time I hit on the cute barmaid, I end up with some girly fruity drink instead of the long slow double entendre she promised me!


Alice: That must be very frustrating for you, seeing has you are the master of the single entendre!


Charlie: [To Titus] You've been rather quiet through all of this. I assume all of your [finger quotes] temptations were genuinely tempting to you, as well?


Titus: [Shrugs] They were all real.

;;; Alistair's time zone isn't going to work out for us, so

;;; please take him off the list!


Charlie: This is a horrid business, group! I don't like to think how they managed to learn all of that about us without our realizing it--or what else they may have learned in the process.


Clint: On the other hand, yeah, it's creepy... But at least the *really* embarrassing stuff didn't come out!


Charlie: [All ears] Such as . . .?


Alice: Well, there's that time I got really drunk and woke up naked in a train station bathroom holding onto a large boot. [Looks around at the others in dismay] Hey!


Austin : I was more concered by their ability to rip us out of this dimension into theirs and threaten to destroy ours! Any fool could guess that I would love to have Lucy back.


Charlie: [To Austin] Yes, I quite agree, but you must admit that their possession of the ability to read minds isn't a particularly good sign of things to come, no?! In any case, that is precisely why I shall be consulting the Willets-Carruthers Collection tomorrow, to learn more about Ludusity and Ludusites!


Clint: Or how about Dur getting his medical license by practicing on his dinner!


Charlie: [To Clint] As if that surprised any of us!


Alice: I agree, it's more worrying that they could do it than what they actually showed. Other than Titus' willingness to kill us all of so he can carry on stalking, of course. I suppose if they could simply do it at will, our dimension would already be over run.


Charlie: Indeed, there must be limits to their powers. [Muses] I wonder how WE, specifically, were chosen for the competition?


;;; Colin's out today

Harvey: By the saints, Private, I would have thought it was obvious! Because of our natural guile and cunning, our legendary bravery and our world-renowned battle experience.

Alice: Huh, I figured it was because we were at Ixi when they came looking. After all, the Interferons were there too.


Clint: [Shrugs.] Well, I think it's because we're famous and totally dysfunctional, which is what makes for the best TV!


Austin : Well they did say that we were the best choice to defend our dimension, and it is not as if it is the first time that we have saved the world. [Carefully peeks out of the window to see if anything interesting is happening during curfew]


Charlie: [Watches Austin and hastily tidies her hair] Did you hear someone--er, something out there, Mr. Sleaze?


[The streets are very quiet.]

Alice: [To Clint] Yeah, typical media, first they love you, then they hate you.

[The sound of a toilet flushing comes from one of the rooms. It clearly isn't a party member.]


Charlie: [Picks up a sword and walks toward the flush] Hello?! Is there someone there?


Dur: [Rolls his eyes] Of course someone is there! What do you think, the toilet flushed itself?=


Alice: [Excited] Wow! We've got a self-flushing toilet? These place is great!

[The door opens. Enter DARIUS, drying his hands on a towel, which he hangs on CHARLIE's sword.]

Darius: [Stops for a moment and does that fingers-as-a-screen thing that directors often do] Let me just savour you all on screen on last time.


Charlie: [Flicks Darius' towel off her sword] Yes, SO glad you were amused! What brings you here, Darius? Looking for autographs for your collection? [Lays her sword down]


Darius: I sure am! [Looks around at the party] Did you get the autograph of anyone famous while you were saving the world? Actually, [helping himself to a wholewheat on sourdough sandwich] I was wondering how you got on with that prophecy.

;;; Darius was the one who suggested they go to Ixi

;;; to get it translated


Charlie: [Embarrassed] Oh, yes, I'd forgotten about it completely! [Checking her pockets, becoming even more embarrassed] Er, right, who's keeping up with the prophecy, again?


Alice: [Searches her pockets] Here we go! Here's the original, and what Marasmus came up with: "Fruit of the tree that has no thorns will be consumed by the beast; The lady=92s children [something] guardian; Create the spirit [of something] through the [something beautiful] . Still doesn't make much sense, does it?


Charlie: [Shakes her head] Not really, but at least it seems we are getting closer to a full translation. [To Darius] Does any of that mean anything to you?

;;;That's my three!


Clint: Maybe that Marasmus doesn't know how to translate?


Charlie: [Wryly] I'm sure she did the best she could in the time she had before she was horribly killed!


Alice: What's you interest in this, Darius?

Darius: You know me, just general saving-the-world type stuff. Fighting on the side good, rescuing kittens, slaying dragons, spreading good news everywhere I go, protecting the virtue of virgins. The usual.


Charlie: [To Darius, raising an eyebrow] Yes, but what's in it for you?


Darius: That prophecy is in some way related to Clementine, and her followers, the Custos-Clementines and the Sons of Clementine are crazed Anti-Paths. If they take over, then all those far along The Path will be screwed. I'm just looking after my fellow Path-Ethics.

;;; His claim about Clementine is probably true. Remember, The Path is

;;; a spiritual journey that everyone is on, which ends with them becoming

;;; gods -- although, as far as the party know, this has only ever happened

;;; twice. It is believed that what drove Jerome crazy is that he took

;;; a dark path. The Clementinians, who have formed various groups,

;;; are Anti-Paths, believing that those on the Path are selfish and

;;; doomed to become evil; furthermore, they believe that all magic

;;; and power should be evenly divided across the entire world, and

;;; that the way to do that is to kill those already far along the Path.

;;; That Jerome and Clementine appear to be in league together is

;;; surprising, to say the least.


Charlie: Now that you've seen what we have in terms of the translation, do you have any ideas about its meaning? For instance, have you any idea what the "tree with no thorns" might be?


Austin : [Ponders] A metaphor or literally a tree with no thorns, or perhaps a play on words or possibly some lateral meaning, like family tree?


Darius: It's almost certainly a metaphor. These prophecies are always nice and vague.


Charlie: I don't suppose you have any further advice or help for us, then?


Darius: Eat lots of bran.


Charlie: [Critically] While that is excellent advice, as usual it is rather off-point. [Delighted by a sudden thought] Ooh, what did Pestilence tell you a= bout me when you two went to Ixi?!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with HTTP; Mon, 28 Feb 2011 05:19:34 -0800 (PST) Date: Mon, 28 Feb 2011 13:19:34 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=b6WfZFN8exrJBsKT=nEny_3S6v5=QXzMnaWX-@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, "Day,Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, "Colin.Dinan@version1.com" <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, "th4@rice.edu" <th4@rice.edu>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, "dinancolin@googlemail.com" <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, "djmalzie@googlemail.com" <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Darius: He said you need to eat more bran.


Titus: Why? Is she constipated?

;;;Sorry I was out last week


Darius: [Shrugs] Idunno. It's just always good advice.


Dur: Be that as it may, that advice doesn't much help us in our current situation. It almost feels like being back at square one.=


Charlie: Don't despair, Dur! We know a bit more about the prophecy, at least. And we'll have a nice little rest tomorrow at Bodenringham Manor, then make a new plan!


Dur: Something gives me that feeling that things aren't going to turn out as peachy as you make it sound.=


Darius: Excellent! It's ages since I've been to Boningham Manor!


Charlie: [To Dur] How peculiar! I have quite the opposite sense, that things will turn out splendidly! [To Darius] Do cease turning the name of my family home into a crude joke! And when have you EVER been to Bodenringham Manor?!


Alice: [Nods at Charlie's words, tutting to Dur] I think Charlie's absolutely right, there's not even the teeny-tiniest chance that anything could go wrong there.

Darius: [To Charlie] Got an old friend who used to hang out there. Dirty Gertie, was her name. [Goes a little dreamy] Nice girl. Anyway, curfew has started, so time to go out and scare some HARMA Initiates.

[Exit DARIUS, after helping himself to some sandwiches.]


Charlie: [Crosses her arms huffily] I must say, he is the most absurd person I have ever met! Dirty Gertie, indeed! [Looks out the window, trying to seem casual but mostly sounding incredibly impatient] And isn't it getting QUITE late, group??


Dur: Oh don't get your maid skirt in a ruffle! I'm sure your demon kin, man-meat will be just fine.=


Alice: Yep, I suppose we should head off to bed, unless someone has a better idea? Given that there is a curfew and all.


Titus: Anyone up to break the curfew and scare a few HARMA fanatics?


Austin : If you want to slip out and meet up with Pesty just go ahead. None of us mind. Personally I could use a good nights sleep, so if you two could keep the noise down I'd appreciate it. [Chooses the best looking room and goes in]


;;; Colin's out?

Harvey: [To Titus] By the saints, sir, no! No, and thrice no! We need to keep a low profile until we get some more information!

;;; We have a new player about to come in soon, Tony.

;;; His address is on the list now, so please make sure

;;; he gets all the mails from now on.


[Exit ALL, heading off towards various bedrooms. Moments later, enter ALICE, looking enraged.]

Alice: Hey! That's not a bedroom at all! It's a bathroom, and you do NOT want to see what someone has done in here.

[Exit ALICE into the last bedroom.]

;;; End of scene, next one coming right up


[Book VII, Act II, Scene II. The Sitting Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and TITUS are here, sitting around. It is late morning, and there is no sign of CHARLIE, nor has her bed been slept in.]

Alice: Now, if it was anyone else, I'd say her bed hadn't been slept in, but, given that it's Charlie, I wouldn't be surprised if she made the bed before sneaking out!


Titus: [wishing he had coffee to drink] Let the woman enjoy a good rump between the sheets. I could surely use one.

;;; that is my three!


Austin : [Looking very relaxed] Well I do hope she is having a good time. It is so pleasant and quiet without her constantly trying to prove her intellectual prowess. I am enjoying it whilst it lasts. [Sighs relaxededly]


Alice: But I'm starving! And where's the coffee?


[CHARLIE enters the room, carrying a huge pink box, a tray of coffees, and a huge stack of newspapers.]

Charlie: [Radiantly] Goooooood morning, group! Isn't it a lovely day?! I brought all of you some treats! [Sets down the tray of coffees and the pink box, opening it to reveal a selection of delicious pastries, all the while positively beaming and humming a happy tune]


Austin : Good morning! [Sits up and takes a delicious pastry. To Charlie] Thank you very much, most welcome [Sips a coffee, and takes a news paper and begins reading]


Alice: [Taking a bite out of a donut] Ew! Jam. [Puts it back and takes another one] Mm! Where were you, Charlie?


Charlie: [Sips absently at a cup of coffee, decidedly unable to keep a silly grin off her face] Hm?! Oh, glad you're enjoying them, Alice!


Alice: [Picks up another paper] Holy crap! Look at this! [Holds the front page up]

[The headline reads "10,004 GP Award for information leading to the arrest of the Queens View Party".]


Titus: Now I know my value. 4GP as the rest of you total 10K!


Alice: Not that, this! [Points to a small ad on the front page, advertising a sale at Chimmy Joos, before thinking for a moment] Hm, maybe that is more pressing. What's in the other one, Aus?

[AUSTIN turns the paper to the party. The headline is "The Queens View Party -- Heroes or Villains, the answer is inside. Hint- They're not heroes." Just below it is a picture of CHARLIE wearing ludicrously frothy pink underwear, about to get changed during the game show. ]


Charlie: [Inelegantly spits out her coffee and gasps, grabbing a paper] But we ARE heroes! We saved this worthless, ungrateful dimension!!


Titus: Heroes? Zeroes? What is the true difference? Nice choice of panties by the way!


Alice: [Laughs along with Titus, before suddenly looking horrified] You know, I don't think we should waste our time on this sort of trash, there's really no point in us looking at it.

;;; Don't forget to change the subject line, Alain!


Charlie: [Whacks Titus with a newspaper] Stop looking at my panties! [To Alice] What does your paper say?! Oh, the look on your face! It must be DREADFUL!


Alice: My paper is fine, it's just that other one, with that awful picture of you, I don't think we should look any further. No sir. Let's just have some coffee and lovely donuts.


Titus: Sorry Charlie. I did not look when you got changed. But the picture is in the newspaper. And I apologize for being horny and lonely.


Titus: [Drinking coffee and chocolate donuts] As they say, chocolate is the best substitute [eats every chocolate donut he can see]


Charlie: Alice, do show me that paper at once! [Tries to get a look at Alice's paper]


Alice: No! [Pulls it away, but it goes flying and pages land all over the room.]

[Everyone's eye is drawn to a full colour picture of ALICE in her underwear, also taken when she was changing. Her underwear is all grey and drab, clearly of the old-fashioned, granny variety. The other pages contain other, embarrassing pictures of the party from the game show, but none as entertaining as this.]

;;; Feel free to make up your own headlines and pictures, the

;;; more embarrassing the better, as long as they did

;;; actually happen in the last act.


Charlie: [Looks at Alice's picture, perplexed] But those are perfectly sensible underwear. [Show Alice her own embarrassing underwear picture again] THIS, on the other hand, is what happens when you let a demon choose your underwear! [Gasps and grabs one of the loose pages of Alice's newspaper] Look at this [holds up a headline that reads HUMANS for the nice treatment of UNBELIEVABLY GREAT animals (HUG) Offer Bounty for the Head of Austin Sleaze!] !


Clint: [Surprised as hell.] When did you start wearing underwear, Bimbo? [Discretely attempts to hide a photo of himself reaching for a girly drink superimposed with a picture of him and a needle of steroids, captioned "Clint Scar: Strong enough for a man, sensitive enough for a woman!"]

;;; And that's probably it from me until Wednesday, it turns out, as I'm

;;; flying back from Georgia tomorrow.


Charlie: [Flips through one of the newspapers rapidly] This is simply filled with vicious stories about us! Look at this one [shows a headline that reads Military Disgraced: Colonel Kingston Short Outed as a Deserter and Porcelain Tea Cup Enthusiast!] .


Alice: [Plaintively to Clint] It was cold at Ixi, I was just trying to stay warm, you know, on account of the [weakly] snow? [Snatches another paper and gasps] "Dr. Charlotte Parker-Kensington Outed! Used t-test for analysing samples that weren't normally distributed, shock and outrage follow revelation that significant difference measures could be compromised by up to one per cent; findings not compromised." [Leans her head to one side and snores] What the hell paper is this? [Looks at the title, which is "Weekly World News About Science and Stuff", before looking at Charlie sceptically] WWNASS? Really?


Charlie: [Offended] I suppose you would prefer something juicier?! [Grabs another paper and reads aloud] A recent survey of male readers confirms that 79% would engage in intercourse with Alice Bassett Short if given the opportunity, and of those 63% cite her [finger quotes] trashiness as her most attractive attribute!


Alice: [Horrified] 79%? Those lying bastards -- Austin, let's sue them, there's no way it would be that low!

;;; Tom's away

Clint: Chill out, Bimbo, let's look at these other ones. [Reads] "Harvey Deserts Wife and Children in the same way he would desert his party". Ouch.


Charlie: [Looks at Harvey sympathetically] Now, that IS really going too far! [Wails] We should be greeted as heroes! Why have they turned on us so quickly?

;;;That's my three!


Austin : Hmm, here's a good one "C P-K, fornicating with demons, AGAIN! Witch hunters call for trial by fire!". I guess they were not so keen on the underwear.


Charlie: [Groans] I do hope Pestilence doesn't see THAT one. It makes me sound rather like some sort of demon groupie. [To Austin] Have you seen this one yet? [Holds up an article entitled Waxing Aficionado Sleaze Puts Smoothness "Down There" Above Safety of Queens View Party!] Be warned, it includes illustrations!


Austin : [Frowns] They could really do with a better illustrator.


Alice: [Takes a look at the paper, folding out sheet after sheet] Yikes! It's a pullout one. You know, I don't think that's even Austin -- after all, he doesn't have a huge tattoo on his ass, [dramatically turning to Austin] Does he?


Austin : [Sighs] I do hope not, you had beeter check [Drops his trous n trolleys and shows Alice his ass. Cranes to see round with is pocket mirror] Anything?


Charlie: [Averting her eyes] Really, Mr. Sleaze!


Titus: This stuff is all garbage anyway. [Throw away a newspaper with the headline "Lady Killer Stalker Closet Gay?" and shows a photoshop picture of Titus' head on Alice body wearing the french maid outfit while reaching out for girly cigars and the bloody corpse of Ritsuko at his feet.] By the way Alice, I am one of the 79%.


Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

Charlie: [To Alice] You lucky girl! [To Titus] Have you always been such a slave to lust?!

--Apple-Mail-6-705876193 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable


Alice: [Checks out Austin's backside] Nope, it's clean. Nice wax job, by the way! [To Charlie] Leave him alone, he's only human!


Titus: [To Charlie, sheepishly] Well, no. Until the events with Ritsuko, I was doing fine. Since then, it has been like crossing the desert. I guess it is my curse.


Dur: [Waving a newspaper with the heading "Will you be Dr. Dur's next meal?"] I told you all that it was too good to be true!=


Clint: [Screwing up a page that reads "Clint, Titus and Dur in tawdry gay love triangle"] Ungrateful scumbags! I bet HARMA is behind this, those guys are just waiting for an opportunity to take us down!


Austin : [Looking very relieved] Excellent. [Checks Maplin carefully, nodding approvingly. To Dur] Well, look on the bright side, you will not go hungry anytime soon, that crowd was immense!


Austin : [Gets dressed] It is a good job that none of you are gay, can you imagine such ugly men in an embrace [Grimaces at the thought] Yuck!


Harvey: By the saints, Private Sleaze, circumstance makes strange bedfellows and all that! [Looks out the window to see an anti Queens View party rally taking place] By the saints! I think we may need to lay low in young Parker-Kensington's house!


Austin : [Considers the situation] But how will we get there? Perhaps there are some carriages in the hotel's basement carriage park that we might borrow.

;;;;away soon


Charlie: [Smiles proudly] No need, Pestilence left the carriage for us! [To the group] Do let us go to Bodenringham Manor at once. Tonight is my Nanna Willa's birthday celebration, and [clearly trying to convince herself] Mother will be so delighted I managed to make it, she won't be bothered by all of the negative press!


Alice: Birthday? Do we need to get presents?


Charlie: Just a small token would be fine! [Looks out the window at the crowd] Hmm, we'd better be careful leaving here!


Alice: [Disappears into the bathroom for a moment, before returning with all the soap and mini-shampoos] Old ladies love this kind of stuff, right? [Gives the party a dirty look] Don't tell me you don't have a present for Nanna Willa!


Clint: [Looks outside at the mob.] What we need is a rookie party member to go outside and distract the mob, perhaps being torn heroically to bits, while the rest of us make our escape!


Titus: I guess it would be me! After all with Ritsuko gone and my inability to seduce a woman since, the least I can do is save your hides. [He gets up and goes outside, antagonizing the mob]


Clint: Hold up! [Hands Titus some cigars.] Here. Smoke these and just... I dunno, sleep it off or something!


Charlie: [To Clint, gesturing to Titus] And THIS is why you are not permitted to lead the group! [To Titus] Please do not let Mr. Scar lead you astray. We never split the party! We'll leave together.


Clint: Hey, how was I supposed to know that emo-boy here would take me seriously?! Since when did we start doing that?


Charlie: He's still relatively new to the group, and one must not assume he knows better!

;;;Welcome back, Tom! How was Hotlanta?


Alice: No, Titus, no! [To the others] Surely you're not going to turn up at Nanna Willa's party without presents?

[Everyone eyes the room, which is full of the usual hotel stuff.]


Clint: [Grabs a towel at random.] There. Chicks dig this kind of crap.

;;; I was actually nearer Jacksonville than Atlanta. Good conference, except

;;; that now I hab a gold. Who knew? Posting while medicated should prove

;;; interesting!


Austin : [Takes a glance around the place, frowns] Perhaps we could stop at a jewelers or perfumery on the way?


Clint: No time for that, lawyer. Don't forget there's a mob out there that wants to see the colors of our insides! [Nods at the bed.] Try getting her some sheets, or a Gideon bible, or something like that.

;;; And on that note, I'm off early because, you know, sick!


Alice: Maybe we could ask the mob if we could stop for a few moments -- you know, on account of it being someone's birthday and all?


Austin : I think that giving her the contents of a low quality flea infested hotel room may not endear us to her in the way that we would like. [Looks at the bible and frowns at the large numbers of pages that have been torn out.]

;;; Sick of baing inside? :)


Alice: [Lights up when she sees the bible] Let's look up sex words in it!


Charlie: [To Austin] Don't be silly! It's the thought that counts. [To Alice, looking at the bible] What sex words? Surely you're thinking of another book entirely.


Alice: Really? I think maybe YOU'RE thinking of another book entirely! [To Austin] This is the one that starts with an aardvark and finishes with him going to sleep, right?


Austin : [To Alice] No, you are referring to a dictionary or perhaps an encyclopedia. This [Chucks the bible back onto the sideboard] is a semi-factual work pertaining to the omniscience of Phili. There are probably very few sex words in it, especially when there are that number of pages missing. I think that you would find it a very disappointing read. It starts in darkness and ends in darkness. Quite dull really. Nine hundred pages of hypocritical moralising.


Charlie: Well said, Mr. Sleaze, though merely pointing out the length likely would have convinced Alice not to bother reading it!


Alice: You had me at "book".


Austin : Good. Well then, shall we get going? Perhaps we can pick up a nice bouquet of flowers on the way, once we are free of the crowd, naturally.


Alice: A nice bouquet of flowers? You do know that we're wanted by HARMA and apparently hated by the entire country, right?


Austin : Yes? Nothing new there. [Checks his nails briefly] What is your point?


Austin : [Looks around at the party stealing all of the hotel room furnishings] This will not do our reputation any good at all. [Sighs, takes the best of the paintings off the wall and wraps it professionally in a sheet]


Alice: My point is, Austin, it's bad enough that we already have every crazed religious lunatic in the place looking for us without attracting more attention. As for stealing stuff from here, well, they rented the room to a demon, they wouldn't expect anything less!


Charlie: [Defensively] A demon is hardly the worst of the FART's clientele!


Alice: I know, I think I saw some lawyers downstairs!


Charlie: My point exactly! [To Austin] Er, not specifically relating to [huge emphasis] lawyers, of course. And not you.


Harvey: [Packing two glasses from the bathroom] Right! Has everyone got a gift for the dear lady?


Charlie: [Pats her pocket] Of course! I picked mine up this morning.


Dur: [Pulls a half eaten sandwich from his pants and looks at it longingly] I suppose, if I must. [A single tear glistens on his cheek] Pastrami was a= lways my favorite...


Alice: Is that why you ate the Pastrami out of it? [Gives a shiver] Ew!

[Exit ALL, loaded down with stolen gifts, heading down the back stairs.]

;;; End of scene, next one coming right up


[Book VII, Act VII, Scene III. The Underground Garage. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and TITUS are here, having come directly from the room. To their surprise, the dingy tavern as an underground garage, although there are only two vehicles here. One is theirs, and they can see that the name on the carriage is "Uncle Dave's Frozen Kiddie Bits, made from real Kiddie Bits, frozen at amputation for freshness." The other is tiny, four seater carriage, that everyone could fit into with a real squash.]

Alice: Yeesh, it's not exactly an inconspicuous way to travel, is it?


Dur: [Can't help but lick his lips] Do you think there are any left?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id 10cs167974anc; Wed, 2 Mar 2011 06:55:44 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=heather.goggans@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [] ) by with SMTP id q56mr9354567wek.108.1299077743996 (num_hops = 1); Wed, 02 Mar 2011 06:55:43 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type:content-transfer-encoding; bh=CqOTz1uQHrylwhlEH3O5PMc2dPv0NFyCne+yFLHV8uY=; b=gGYJfKwrxPS1Us+87z9oy8CpMg9iZLrd6WhsVelHzxm2sRGRTgfJGGjZ8bWpap09NV mm/mlCg0iBjTgNY3Auw6pS8IbNv+gW1hcG7U1ydRjtJ24a8jGs+5csaVPH4ZMZDVkK9t GOplHkykimVfWDbBALF2S3J+jjXTDMtR8WJF8DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type :content-transfer-encoding; b=bjHZIN0pDWmGFOIG7WWXPtXIxn/CpPOVxlOOm4/imOTmYvbDTfdnEWPnTw9b49+qxt TOkzHbzsvP+IcqH9A1Ed8OcQStUmQVcU6nXhlJ+HCs4WJYiHG+Td0pdORhqugBNeTaUZ cL0SyK3fEzA21pMlB0O4VjAOJas4acTNY9suIMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with SMTP id q56mr6997355wek.108.1299077741358; Wed, 02 Mar 2011 06:55:41 -0800 (PST) Received: by with HTTP; Wed, 2 Mar 2011 06:55:41 -0800 (PST) Date: Wed, 2 Mar 2011 14:55:41 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTinty0EVoaW_fhb2M6pBvr7M1kjoOZgqzwc5gRc7@mail.gmail.com> To: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> Cc: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, dinancolin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, th4 <th4@rice.edu>, VelAngelus <velangelus1@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Charlie: [Looks at their carriage and sighs] Yes, perhaps we should take the smaller one? A carriage advertising the sponsor of our show is probably not terribly discreet, now that you mention it. And one doesn't wish to draw the paparazzi to Bodenringham Manor!


Alice: [Gives Dur a dirty look before peering into the back of the carriage] I sure hope not! Hey look, how come we didn't notice this mattress last night? [To Charlie] You're probably right, but who has to sit with Clint? Who?


Charlie: [Steps between Alice and the carriage] Er, right, we should take the other carriage. Dur will sit with Clint! [Claps her hands] Now, let's steal this pitiful little carriage, group!


Now, let's steal this pitiful little carriage, >group!

Titus: [to Charlie] what's it like to do it in the back of a carriage? Always wondered! Never had the opportunity! I'll sit with anyone!


Alice: That depends, Titus. Something like a Cermedes or MWB? Pretty comfortable, and there's usually somewhere to store your beverage too. However, high end machines like Sorsche, Reffari or Bimbogini might seem sexy, but there's little if any space there. Then you have standard carriages like Dorfs and such and, well, if anyone ever asked me to do it in one of those, I wouldn't waste my time. [Sits into the back seat] Wow! The seat is tiny. [Looks around] Hey! This is supposed to sit several of us?


Charlie: Squeeze in, group! [Tries to take the driver's seat]


[CHARLIE takes the driver's seat, with HARVEY getting the passenger's seat. The rest of the party pile into the back, on top of ALICE. It takes a good ten minutes to squeeze everyone in, and everyone gives a huge sigh of relief once they get in.]

Alice: Uh oh.


Charlie: [Cheerily] Sorry, you'll just have to hold it, Alice! Don't worry, we'll be there in no time!


Titus: [To Alice] Thanks for the educational description. Another one for my bucket list! [Hears Alice say Uh oh] What is wrong?


Alice: [To Titus] I need to pee, and someone's got their elbow right in my groin! [Adjusts slightly under the pile of bodies] Oh, that's okay, that was mine. Be careful of those bucket seats, they look like they'll give you support, but they restrict movement too much! Are we there yet, Charlie?


Charlie: Almost! [Starts the carriage and drives toward Bodenringham Manor]

;;;As sneakily as possible, of course!


Titus: Sorry to hear about your full bladder. Now no one make reference or joke about water or liquid or make Alice laugh!


Clint: [Being squished to death.] Pretty sure that with Sarge driving, it'll take forever for us to get where we're going. By Phili, I sure wouldn't want to be the one who has to go to the bathroom now!


Alice: If you did, you'd probably just go in your pants!


Charlie: Mr. Scar, it only sensible to drive within posted speed limits, etc. And, as I recall, the last time [vaguely] someone else drove, we ended up in a ditch and YOU begged us to never let her drive again!


Alice: Who was that? Why wasn't I there?

[The carriage slips out of the garage and starts heading out into the countryside. Just a mere six hours and no toilet break later, the crriage arrives at the open gates of Bodringham Manor.]


Charlie: [Brightly, chattering away] So then I told Dr. Roarke-Bourke-- [looks up suddenly, surprised] Oh, marvelous! We're here--and so quickly!


Titus: [In awful pain because of the long trip in very uncomfortable position] Ouch! I think I should have gone outside and be manned by the crowd. It would have been less painful


Clint: [Gets out of the carriage with relief.] Ha! I can feel my legs again! [To Titus.] Though if this is a whole family of nerds, the carriage ride over here is going to be the best part of this whole thing.


Austin : [Sitting on top of everyone. Sighs in a relaxed fashion and steps out of the carriage] It was far more plesant on top of everyone else. You should have tried it.


[The front door opens. Enter ASHLEY PARKER-KENSINGTON, a man in his mid twenties. He looks puzzled, but his face brightens when he sees CHARLIE.]

Ashley: I say! Charlie! We weren't expecting you! [Peers at the carriage] What on earth is that? It looks like a carriage only smaller!

[The house is quite large, with at least a dozen or so rooms on each of its three floors.]

;;; Welcome to the game, Tony!


Alice: [Painfully climbing out] Oh, Titus, we can talk to you condescendingly! [Spots Ashley] Nice butler, Charlie!


Titus: [Shrugging] You already do Alice, you already do.


Alice: [Doing her best to sound sophisticated and refined] Actually, Titus, I think you'll find it's "you already does, Alice". [To Ashley, flashing her brightest smile] Hi Ashley! [Squirms a little] Uh, I need to pee.


Charlie: [Smiles fondly at Ashley] Lovely to see you, dear! These are my colleagues [gestures to each in turn] Harvey, Alice, Austin, Clint, Dur, and Titus! [To Ashley, anxiously] We haven't missed any of the celebration, have we?

;;;Hi, Tony! Welcome!


Austin : [Deadpan. To Ashley] And modest. Don't miss that little cracker out! [Smiles]


Charlie: [Watching Alice squirm] Oh, yes, we had better get inside. Mother would DIE if someone urinated on her prize-winning lawn! [Links arms with Ashley and starts heading for the house. Overly casually] Tell me, dear--how is the mood inside?


Clint: And no one has sent for HARMA to drag us away in chains?

;;; Hi from me as well!


Titus: [Opens his mouth as he is about to reply to Alice and then change his mind] Clint, remember, that gathering we are about to join is actually more painful that anything HARMA could do to us. [Looks at Ashley] Oh boy, fun never ends here.

;;; Welcome Vel!


Dur: Miffed? You mean they didn't want us to save the dimension? Does that mean I can eat the rest of my sandwich?


Charlie: [To Dur] No doubt they appreciated the fact that we saved the dimension but were not to keen to learn their daughter is involved with a demon. I come from a long line of Watchers, you see, and that sort of thing isn't QUITE the done thing.


Ashley: [To Dur] Yes my good fellow, we all appreciated that little thing of course, but there were some rather embarrassing bits, don't you agree? [To Charlie, gesturing towards Dur] You can have your... driver? footman?... whatever, take this carriage (if you can call it that) around the corner.

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Dur: [Eyes narrow] Wow. He's just like you Chuck. What a shame...


[The party enter the front hallway, which is fairly large, and ALICE is shown to a bathroom off to one side.]

Harvey: I say, Chappie, how is it that -- [has to raise his voice to be heard over the sound of a waterfall from the bathroom] how is it that you opened the door? Don't you have some sort of servants?


Charlie: [To Ashley, with a laugh] When I first joined the group, I made the same mistake! Rather extraordinarily, Dur is a member of the party and an equal. In a sense.


Austin : Judging by your predecessors, the thing that needs to be done is very seldom the 'done thing'.


Clint: [To Dur.] It's probably the eating from the garbage that confuses them. Don't worry about it, Doc.


[Enter WILLIAMS, a rather grave looking butler.]

Williams: [Completely emotionless] Ah. Ms. Charlotte, what a pleasure it is to see you. Are these people attacking you and Master Ashley?


Charlie: [To Williams] Thank you, Williams, but these are my colleagues and pose no threat, [glances at Clint] save perhaps an olfactory assault! [To Ashley, clearly growing more anxious] But Ashley, Mother was a Watcher, too! She knows full well the unsavory sorts one finds oneself mixing with, in the interest of the greater good!


Alice: [From within the bathroom] Oh God!


Asley: [Pats Charlie on the shoulder comfortingly] Don't worry Charlie, they'll get over it. By the way, where is your boyfriend? I really want to meet him; he looks the decent sort. [To Williams in a loud whisper] Perhaps some deodorant for Charlie's companions and a place for them to freshen up?

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Charlie: [Calls to the bathroom] Alice, are you quite all right?


Titus: [Approaching the bathroom] What now Alice? And shouldn't it be oh godS? [emphasize the S]


Austin : [Casually checks his nails] You would do well to remember that we have never asked for the assistance of the Watchers. They merely impose themselves upon us, and we tollerate them because we are on the same side.


Clint: Except, of course, when they're traitors like Monty or when they're not sleeping at all with evil demons.


Austin : No Mr Scar, we like the one that fornicates with a demon too. [Smiles sweetly at Charlie]


[The bathroom door opens. Enter ALICE, looking refreshed, drying her hands.]

Alice: [Handing the towel to Williams] There you go. Nice towel, by the way.

Williams: [Horrified] That's a priceless tenth century tapestry!

Alice: Nice priceless tenth century tapestry, by the way!


On 02/03/2011 17:05, Conor Ryan wrote:

Ashley: Fornicating with demons isn't nearly as bad as some of the things we saw during the tv game show. [Starts laughing at the memories] .

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Austin : [To Ashley] I would really like to freshen up, do you have another bathroom, that one appears to be rather used.

;;;; off home!


Charlie: I am happy it made for good television, as the experience was rather humiliating, I must say! [To Ashley, in a low voice] And, no, I thought it best to wait a while before introducing Pestilence to the family, under the circumstances.


Ashley: It was the best! I must say, I used to think you were all work and no fun, now I know better. Had I known sooner I would have invited you to some of my [finger quotes] special parties.


Dur: [Whispering to the rest of the group] I hope that doesn't "mean" what I think it "means"!=


Charlie: [To Ashley, puzzled] What do you mean? What could be more fun than my work?!


Ashley: [Sarcastically] Oh nothing, absolutely nothing at all. [Mimes knocking back a shot before rolling his eyes behind Charlie's back for the rest of the groups benefit]


Charlie: [Sighs] And just when we were getting along so well! [Disapprovingly] And do stop attempting to play to the crowd. No doubt you will be sorry to hear that the group is most supportive of my research, having even attended the last Science and Stuff conference to hear me make my groundbreaking presentation on a new taxonomy for cryptozoology!


Alice: A guy wanted to blow us up -- and we wanted to let him!


Charlie: [Narrows her eyes at Alice] I see. [To Ashley, glancing at a clock] I presume everyone is already gathered for drinks? [Apprehensively] I suppose we had better pop in before we dress for dinner?


Clint: [Glances down at his rope belt, shirt with the holes in the pits, and so forth.] Hey, some of us are already dressed for dinner, but drinks it is!


Charlie: [Eyes Clint's belt] Yes, we'll arrange to loan you something more suitable for the occasion. [Struck by inspiration, to Ashley] Could you be a dear and arrange to [finger quotes] borrow one of Leslie's suits for Mr. Scar? [Innocently, but with a rather evil smile] Er, I think the size would be about right.


Clint: [Shocked.] You want me to wear your brother's suit? What's next, are you gonna make me take a bath, too?

;;; C'mon, poor Clint worked hard to be this... manly.


Charlie: Oh, I would not DREAM of asking you to bathe, Mr. Scar! You must stay true to your own nature. [Again with the evil smile] I'm sure Leslie won't mind.

;;;Wow, I think that's my three already!


Clint: [Mollified.] Weeellll, okay. But it better not be a girly suit like the lawyer wears!

;;; Mine too, which means it's time for bed!


Williams: [Sighs] The others are gathering in the drawing room.

Alice: Cool, are there crayons and stuff there?

[WILLIAMS doesn't respond, but just gives ALICE a dirty look.]


Charlie: [To the party] Shall we pop in for a drink and a quick hello? And, Williams, could you arrange to find appropriate evening attire for my male colleagues? [To Alice, sizing her up] I should be able to find something for you in Jo's closet.


[The party enter the drawing room. Already here, standing around drinking sherry are RUDYARD, GERTRUDE, HELENA and LESLIE. Also here is ALPHONSUS, who is slumped in a chair, apparently asleep, as well as CORDELIA, who sitting looking bored and sulky, and MARTHA and HENRY, two servants. They all turn to look at the party.]

Rudyard: [Sarcastically, and clearly a little worse for wear] So, the great TV star returns!

<A href=http://queens-view.com/cast.php?query=Alphonsus%20Parker-Kensington>Alphonsus</A> <A href=http://queens-view.com/cast.php?query=Rudyard%20Parker-Kensington>Rudyard</A> <A href=http://queens-view.com/cast.php?query=Cordelia%20Parker-Kensington>Cordelia</A> <A href=http://queens-view.com/cast.php?query=Martha>Martha</A> <A href=http://queens-view.com/cast.php?query=Gertrude%20Parker-Kensington>Gertrude</A> <A href=http://queens-view.com/cast.php?query=Helena%20Parker-Kensington>Helena</A> <A href=http://queens-view.com/cast.php?query=Leslie%20Parker-Kensington>Leslie</> <A href=http://queens-view.com/cast.php?query=Henry>Henry</A>


Ashley: What ho everyone, look who's here! Our saviours have graced us with their presence, well mostly.


Helena: It is good to see you, Charlie. [Looks over the party] Welcome to our home. I am Helena Parker-Kensington. [Gestures to each as she introduces them] Rudyard, my husband [he glares at the party] , Gertrude, my mother [holds up her glass in toast to the party] , Leslie, my son [gives the party a look of barely concealed contempt] and, of course, my grand daughter, Cordelia. [Doesn't even look up]

Gertrude: Don't just stand there, Henry, it's not every day that we have hated fugitives in the house; get them some drinks immediately!


Charlie: [Smiles gratefully at her mother] Hello, Mother! Wonderful to see you-- [looks at her family, nervously avoiding her father's eyes] all of you! May I please present my colleagues [gestures to each in turn] Colonel Harvey Kingston Short, Miss Alice Bassett Short, Mr. Austin Sleaze, Mr. Clint Scar, Mr. Dur TiRag, and Mr. Titus Opius.


Ashley: Well, now everyone is acquainted, [takes drink from HENRY] ah, thank you Henry, let's get the party started! [Gestures to WILLIAMS for music]


Alice: [Takes a glass of sherry and downs it] Wow, that sherry tastes like nuts!

Henry: Er, that was a bowl of nuts.

Alice: That could explain it.

Gertrude: [To the party] Well, we have been following your exploits very closely!


Cordelia: [Looks curiously at the party, eyes resting on Austin. Springs out of her chair and whispers loudly to Charlie] Why didn't you tell me you were bringing him?! [Nods at Austin excitedly] Introduce me! Introduce me!

Charlie: [To Austin, amused] Mr. Sleaze, please let me present my niece, Cordelia. It appears she is a fan.


Charlie: [To Gertrude, nodding subtly toward her father] So I see. [Hopefully] I take it you were not QUITE so horrified as others?


Austin : [To Cordelia] A pleasure to meet you. Your aunts description does not do you justice. You must find these family gatherings rather tiresome, usually [Smiles at Cordelia]

Leslie : Mr. Sleaze! Kindly stay away from my daughter, [Sweetly] Pordy Pudding has an unblemished reputation and first rate education, [sternly to Austin] and I would rather that you and your [pauses momentarily in disgust] colleagues do not bring our family into further disrepute. Your behaviour has been quite disgusting recently and you are only tollerated here because my poor unfortunate and unemployed sister refers to you as "friends". [Nods at his own conclusion, glancing at his father briefly]


Cordelia: [Disgusted] Daaaaaddy, you are SO embarrassing!!! [Stomps back to her original chair, grabs two cocktails, and slumps aggressively, defiantly sipping at the drinks while glaring at Leslie]

Charlie: [To Leslie, annoyed] Dear brother, I would ask that you treat our guests with more respect. However you choose to characterize their behavior of late, it has been indisputably heroic. We saved this miserable dimension from invasion, in case you didn't notice! [Frowns] And what on EARTH do you mean, [finger quotes] unemployed?


Ashley: [Stands beside and places hand on LESLIE'S shoulder] Lighten up Leslie. They just saved us, and gave us some first class entertainment at the same time. Besides, Cordelia surely isn't interested in all this boring adult stuff anyway, [to CORDELIA] are you?


Rudyard: [Sighs and shakes his head, knocking back some more of his drink] Tell her, Leslie. Tell her about the disgrace she's brought to the family!

Gertrude: [To Charlie] I never knew you had it in you. [Looks Austin up and down] Go easy on Cordy, Leslie, he's a very a attractive man. [Gives Austin a sexy wink]


Cordelia: [To Ashley, whining] But I [huge dramatic emphasis] am an adult, Uncle Ash! Daddy refuses to let me be the woman I have become! Come on, tell him about the time I did all those shots with you behind the stables!

Charlie: [To Rudyard, taken aback] Father, I realize that I have deeply embarrassed you, but, to be fair, I did not choose to be on that silly show. Rather, I was forced to participate--we all were. And our success in the show resulted in the safety of this very dimension, as I may have mentioned before.


Titus: [grabs a bottle of cognac and starts drinking himself into drunken stupor] Pompous useless bastards all of you! You should be kissing the ground Charlie walks on! She saved your useless hides!

Augustus: [wakes up at Titus's outburst] Well said my son. [Notices Alice walking by and pinches her behind. However he falls back asleep before he has fulled sampled Alice's welcoming round derriere]


Austin : [To Gertrude, most courteously, smiling] Why, thank you,... [raises a subtle eyebrow to Gertrude as he turns to listen to Leslie, politely]

Leslie : [Swiftly and loudly interrupting Austin] Yes, Charlie, unemployed. [Look disapprovingly at Charlie] I comes as no surprise to me that you did not even know that you had been fired from the Watchers. Such recklessness, your maverick, demon consorting ways have dragged our good family name thoroughly through the mud!


Ashley: [Looking around nervously before whispering to Cordelia] Now, now my dear, that was supposed to be our little secret! We wouldn't want to get your favourite uncle in trouble now would we? Why don't you and I go off and build one of our famous cushion forts and leave these bores to their talking?


Titus: [Angrily at Leslie, eyes shots with alcohol] Why are so upset that your sister boinks a demon? She .... [Before he can finish Augustus wakes up]

Augustus: Boink? [He looks around] No boinking happening here. This is the problem with this family. Not enough boinking and taking themselves too seriously. Honestly, they all believe they are important while the secret in life is to to do nothing. Look at me. I am 99 years old and ... [Falls back asleep]


Rudyard: [To Titus] I don't care to hear your opinion, sir. If you object to the way I speak to my daughter -- in my own house -- then you are free to leave. If, on the other hand, you expect to seek refuge here while the entire HARMA Initiative searches the countryside for you, then I expect you to behave with some civility and decorum. [To Charlie] Yes, you won the show, but that's what I'd expect; what I didn't expect were the revelations about you and that demon!


Cordelia: [Plugs her ears with her fingers] EW! Stop saying "boinking," Unc! You're too wrinkly to talk about that stuff!

Charlie: [To Leslie, scoffing] I hardly think the Watcher's Council would fire me for embarrassing my family! [Crosses her arms defiantly] And I do not recall any rules specifically prohibiting [delicately, with a glance at her father] fraternization between Watchers and demons.


Leslie : [Sighs. To the party] Please do excuse Great Great Uncle Alphonsus, 99 years have taken their toll upon him. [Looks unimpressed at Charlie] At least he has a good excuse. [To Charlie] I am quite sure that you could have 'won' the competition, without consorting with a demon. [Smiles] Though I am also quite sure that my Watchers [pauses for effect] will perform their tasks admirably without your [pauses] disreputable methods.


Ashely: Come now! This is Grandmama's birthday. We should be celebrating, not arguing like this. Please, everyone, grab a drink (gestures for HENRY to give everyone drinks, sneaks one to CORDELIA). I propose a toast (raises his glass). To grandmama, many happy returns and may you have many more.


Leslie : [Lording it over Charlie] Indeed, sister, there are no rules specifically prohibiting fraternization, but there are strict rules concerning the receipt of funds, or other compensations, from demons. You have greatly discredited the good name of my Watchers by accepting financial compensation from a demon. [Sneers] How did you think it would look if we were all on tha payroll of demons [Laughs shaking his head] What were you up to?

Austin : [To Leslie] *Your* Watchers? I was under the impression that you worked for the Watchers' Council Counsel?


Gertrude: [Good naturedly] I think you've probably had enough toasts, Ashley, it's not my birthday, it's Nanna Willa's.

Alice: So where is Nanna Willa?

Gertrude: She isn't very mobile, she'll be joining us at dinner, along with the rest of the family.


Charlie: Indeed, Mr. Sleaze! You may as well know, my brother is not only obnoxious, but completely delusional, as well! [To Leslie, forcing a laugh] You must be joking. We have never received compensation of any kind from demons! In any case, Ashley is quite right. Let us put this behind us and remember why we are here--to celebrate Nanna Willa [raises a glass of sherry with a hopeful look at Rudyard] .

Cordelia: [Grabs a glass of sherry] Here here! [Stands next to Austin, batting her eyes at him] Mr. Sleaze, are you seeing anyone?


Austin : [Raising his glass, quickly whispers to Cordelia] No, how about you?


[RUDYARD says nothing, and just glares at CHARLIE.]

Helena: [Holding up her glass] To Nanna Willa!

[Everyone toasts.]

Alice: [To Austin] Yeesh, isn't she just a tiny bit young for you?


Cordelia: [Blushes and giggles, whispering back] Noooo. [Twirls a strand of hair around her finger, asking coquettishly] Would you like to see our stables? [Whispers] I know where Ashley hides the vodka out there!


Ashley: [Blushing slightly] Um, quite right, to Nana Willa [Finishes drink quickly] .


Helena: [To Charlie] I'm afraid it's true, Charlie, you have been fired from the Watchers.


Charlie: [Moves next to Rudyard. In a low voice] Father, I apologize for upsetting you. It would never have been my choice to tell you about my relationship in such a public way, but there is nothing I can do about that now. I do hope we can put this behind us?


Cordelia: [Links her arm with Austin's. To Ashley] Oooh, good idea, Uncle Ash! You and Alice and Austin and me can all go to the stables. This party is sooooo lame [makes the universal gesture for inducing vomiting] !

Charlie: [To Helena, stunned] But there must be a mistake! We've never accepted money from demons. [Glares at Leslie, raising an eyebrow] Unless this is some absurd loophole in which a gift from Pestilence is being considered compensation?


Leslie : [To Charlie] Well, my Watchers turned a blind eye at many of your indiscretions with [Looks utterly disgusted] Pestilence, to try to maintain the good name of the Watcher, but those payments that you accepted willingly in front of so many witnesses, well those are another matter. My council tried their best you know, but we can only go so far in covering up you complete lack of professional competence, and utter lack of dignity.

Austin : [To Cordelia during Leslie's rant] Sure, why don't you show me the stables quickly?


Dur: When do we get to present our presents?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id 10cs11912anc; Thu, 3 Mar 2011 07:13:27 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=heather.goggans@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [] ) by with SMTP id 49mr1268190wer.101.1299165206188 (num_hops = 1); Thu, 03 Mar 2011 07:13:26 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type; bh=qvbpP8FDPTXhHMetIhXGd9oT/jiYVo3a/2kqZg+xX7o=; b=QD5OJmPAgbmwE3yL5/tGzb6awjBNO/HZkdH+LpVceUmu6QRfhXSrs1P9EfO2mt7x5i +DoDZBnj5hmjZ+VK3dYIbYUpGIcy25uyb3fUv2pBMai1aBzhdWT1NpMTEWEm97E0IelL EptsUrE0H5Zj2x3od26r00KtC6+S5DmupMoj4DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=m1viNBT9Jd37StX3se6h5U7zZOYIPMkh+U1q+342ywYiFhonfK/KC9/sfnHekdLDtu /IWdWHEk+MuH8AzqwXDhSvlhP1X1lblZQe85eylnXiIJN+0TSu7fLum+ln2NiW4+nS/Q WoahB5N6f5JsCsZike4Q+09lfrGFCtsHKUB/QMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with SMTP id 49mr933749wer.101.1299165206019; Thu, 03 Mar 2011 07:13:26 -0800 (PST) Received: by with HTTP; Thu, 3 Mar 2011 07:13:25 -0800 (PST) Date: Thu, 3 Mar 2011 15:13:25 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTi=CHTQ0qBpo=obYxUHJBjzxQRcA=-GXq4ao=HrG@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, Colin <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, th4 <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Cordelia: [To Dur] You, there! Go fetch our coats for us. [Looks at Austin dreamily] WE are going to the stables.

Charlie: [To Leslie] I haven't the slightest idea what payments you mean. And as for my private life, it is no business of yours, and I'll thank you not to EVER say his name in that despicable tone again! [Fiercely] I don't recall ever having criticized you for some of your less inspiring life choices, so I would ask you to keep your opinions to yourself. Perhaps I have been fired from the Council, but I remain part of this family and it is essential you drop this subject at once if there is to be any hope of peace between us in future!!


Alice: [To Ashley] Sure do, Ash, but, er, not with horses, you know. [Ahem]

Rudyard: [Thumps his fist on a table] Dammit, Charlie! We all saw you! And this messed up thing you've got with this Pestilence? Well, I thought it was bad enough when Jo got involved with that man from Limerick, but this is beyond the Pale!



Ruth: [Gasps at the unsavory appearance of the party] Ruffians! And one of them has my dearest Cordy! [Wrenches Cordelia away from Austin.] I may feint= ! Oh Leslie save us! [Hides pensively behind her husband] =20

;;; [Rubs hands together] Now to set back women stereotypes by at least a century!


Charlie: [To Helena, exasperated] Mother, what ARE they talking about? What payments did you see me taking from a demon?!


Ashley: Oh no my dear, I would never suggest a woman of your, erm, [pauses for effect] calibre would ever party with horses. I just thought [bends and whispers in her ear so only she can hear] it might be best if we keep an eye on those two [gestures to AUSTIN and CORDELIA] , make sure they're not up to anything they shouldn't be.


Cordelia: [Rolls her eyes dramatically] MOTHER! You are [enormous weary emphasis] mortifying! Don't you want me to try to find a better husband than you did?!

;;;Heh heh!


Ruth: [Lip trembles a bit as she tries to find an answer that will satisfy both] Oh of course I do Cordy! Though it will terrible difficult to find a = man as wonderful as your father! [Puts a supportive hand on Leslie's arm and points at Austin with condemnation in her eyes] THAT man however is not h= e. Did you see the way he blubbered in the corner as that Demon readied to eat him? I hardly think him a man at all!

Dur: Youch! [Peers around] Is it time to eat yet?


Titus: Dur, enjoy the booze. It is the only way to find any of these proceedings bearable. [Light up a smoke]


Cordelia: [To Dur, fascinated] So, is there really not anything too gross for you to eat? [Digs under a chair cushion and comes up with a linty mint] Ew, eat this! [Hands it to Dur]


a man as wonderful as your father! [Puts a supportive hand on Leslie's arm and points at Austin with condemnation in her eyes] THAT man however is not=

Leslie : [To Ruth] Please wife, calm down, this is no time for your amateur dramatics. I had everything completely under control. Do try to be a little more like mother. You should try to be dignified at all times, even when you may feel otherwise. Besides my little, Cordy Pordy would never sully herself with a neer-do-well like Mr Sleaze, she is merely teasing you as all teenagers do.

Austin : [Looks anoyed at Leslie] Tell us, Leslie, why is it that you did not become a Watcher?


Rudyard: Oh for- [pours himself another drink, spilling quite a bit as he does so] Cordy! Don't waste your time with that shaved ape -- why, I bet if you pay him a shiny copper piece he'll eat anything!


Clint: [Scoffing.] Why pay him? But show the Doc a little respect! He helped save your miserable life, and it's not *his* fault that Chuck over here has a really public sex life!

;;; Whoa, was that a lot of reading to catch up on!


Rudyard: My miserable life? What the hell do I care about that? [To Charlie] Charlie, your friends are not welcome in this house. [Throws back his drink and storms out]

Gertrude: [To Clint, with a twinkle in her eye] My my, you really are a charmer, aren't you?


Charlie: [Horrified, to Gertrude] What has happened to Father?! [Miserably] Is this all because of me?


Gertrude: Oh, no, my dear. Not all because of you! We'll talk later, though, I think everyone needs to calm down a bit, don't they?

Helena: [Stiffly] Everybody is calm!


Ashley: [Half-heartedly] Of course not Charlie, cheer up old bean.


Austin : [Politely to Gertrude] I am very sorry that we have offended your husband so. I am sure that *you* are aware that the press portray us in the worst possible manner, purely to sell more papers. After all, we have just saved this dimension, and that was not easy.

Leslie : [Looks gravely concered as his father storms out. ] What? Huh? [Looses his temper. To Austin and Charlie] Look what you have done! How dare you offend your host so! You should leave this instant! [Pauses composing himself. To Ausin] And for your information, I was unable to become a watcher due to an old card injury, which prevented me from passing the physical.

;;;;awway home


Charlie: [To Gertrude] I quite agree! [To the party] Perhaps we should retire to our rooms and dress for dinner? A bit of time to cool down?

Cordelia: [To Austin, sulking] Aw, what about the party in the stables??


Clint: [Amused.] Two words, lawyer. "Jail" and "bait."


Titus: [still drinking heavily and enjoying his smokes] Boy do I love family reunions! Not! [To Charlie] Given the way your family is treating you, I am not surprised you fell for a demon. Anything is an improvement on them.

Augustus: [Waking up] Is it dinner time yet? I am tired and I do not want to miss my nap. [Looks at Charlie] My dear grand-daughter, how about you give your grand-daddy a kiss. I heard you lost your job and are into demons. Fantastic. You are finally learning that working is useless and living a long prosperous life happens only if you do nothing but enjoy the pleasures of life such as wine, food and the flesh. [Looks at Titus] Although when I see you loser friend here, I realize some people are beyond enjoying life.


;; Apologies for the absense - have a nightmare at work!

Harvey : [Quickly to Charlie] Indeed, my dear, what would seem the most sensible, and safest option!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302


Helena: Charlie, why don't you take them to the west wing? There are enough rooms there for your friends, and you can stay in your old room. We can have one of the servants make up the rooms during dinner.


Charlie: Thank you, Mother. [To the rest of her family] We shall see all of you at dinner! [To the party] Follow me, group!

Cordelia: [Waves at Austin and winks] Bye, Aussie!


Ashley: [To family once party have left, cheerfully and sincerely] Well, that went rather well, don't you all agree?


Helena: [To Alphonsus] Oh, do be quiet, Alphonsus!


Clint: [To Charlie.] I hate to say this, given that they're giving us shelter from a hate-filled mob with torches and pitchforks, but your family sucks, Chuck!


Charlie: [To Clint, defensively] They do not! Well, of course, Leslie is simply dreadful and his wife [shudders] , but Father wasn't himself at all. He would never normally speak to me that way, no matter how badly I disappointed him.

;;;I'm crossing my fingers that we're out of earshot of the family,

;;;heading upstairs??


Titus: [To Clint] You are right. I think that Harma crowd is actually friendlier [run to the bathroom and empties his stomach] That feels better.


;;; Correct!

;;; For the time being, let's ONLY post for the family.

Helena: [Disgusted] Alphonsus! [To the others] Honestly, it's worse he's getting! [To Leslie] Did you really have to tell her in front of everyone?


Clint: Well, you did make a public spectacle of yourself. That's got to count for something!

;;;Would Clint be so undiplomatic otherwise? =P


Cordelia: [To Leslie, with a snort] Yeah, Daddy! Can't you do [huge exasperated disgust] anything right?! [To Helena] Who did he tell what, now?


Ashley: Oh mother, do leave Uncle Alphonsus alone. He's led a great old life! [To CORDELIA] He told your Aunty Charlie that she's been fired from the Watchers for her recent behaviour. [To LESLIE] Quite the wrong decision if you ask me!


Cordelia: What do you mean, the stuff with that rock star guy on TV? They should give her a medal for that! It's the first time I ever thought it might actually be cool to be a Watcher. [Smiles sweetly at Helena] No offense, Nanna!


Alphonsus: [Opens one eye] Ashley, between you and Cordelia, there is finally hope for this family! Never stops sowing your wild oats and I wish I still had the strength to join you in the stables for your parties. [Looks at Ruth] Come closer please!


Ruth: [Blushing furiously] Oh I am certain Cordy is just teasing everyone, she is so terribly bright you know, just like her father! [To Helena] I am = sure that Leslie was only doing what he thought was right but on his behalfI do beg your pardon!=


Helena: [To Cordelia] Watchers are not meant to be [does some extremely uncool finger quotes] "cool", Cordelia. [To Ruth] Yes dear, but I'm sure you can understand, his timing wasn't ideal, not with how, er, stressed Rudyard is.


Ashley: Does it actually say that watchers can't be [imitates mother] "cool"? Sounds so very dull to me, I'm glad Charley has brought some life to the job. [Wistfully to himself] Shame it got her fired.


Cordelia: [Rolls her eyes] So what? She doesn't need a job, anyway. She's finally got a REAL boyfriend, instead of some geek like that dorky old Deuce! [Looks in a nearby mirror and fusses with her hair. To Leslie, sweetly] Daddy, why did you hate her friends so much? Didn't you think Austin was nice?


Ashley: Cordelia dear, the problem with Austin is he's a um... [shudders] He's umm... [composes himself] He's a... [can't bring himself to actually say the last word, so he just mouths it] lawyer!


Cordelia: [To Ashley, pouting] No, he isn't! He's a TV star!


Leslie : [Sneers] Some lawyer. A blemished career to say the least. He has done time don't you know. [Rolls his eyes] The man has no sense of decency whatsoever, a complete and utter scoundrel, he stole from a church! [Downs his sherry] They should lock him up and throw away the key. [Sternly to Cordelia] I believe that he used to make his living from seducing young ladies, and stealing their belongings, left strings of pregnant young ladies, no doubt. [Nods knowlingly] Yes, I have done my research, that man is no star [frowns shaking his head] .


Cordelia: [To Leslie, venomously] At least he isn't [disgustedly] an accountant! [To Helena, with big, sad eyes] You think Austin's nice, don't you, Nanna?


Gertrude: [To Leslie] Oh, Leslie, don't be so dramatic! He's an adventurer; who hasn't spend the occasional night in jail!

Helena: [Cutting across Gertrude] I'm sure he's perfectly fine, Cordelia, for a young lady of his own age.


Ashley: Quite right, [to Cordelia] besides my dear, aren't you a little young to be thinking of boys in that way, let alone men?


Leslie : [Looking a little desperate] Come now Pordy Pudding, darling, daddy is just trying to give you good advice, the man is not to be trusted! Don't waste your education.


Cordelia: [Sullenly] Well, I [dubiously] guess I can forgive you, if you'll buy me a leather skirt like Alice was wearing and let me wear make-up to dinner tonight!


Leslie : [Joining in] Indeed, you are much to young to be thinking about boys, let alone old men like Mr. Sleaze., and there will be no make up or trashy leather mini hot-pants or whatever that slu... cheap looking girl was wearing.

;;;; how old is Cordelia supposed to be?


Helena: Skirt? I thought that was a belt!


Cordelia: [To Leslie] Fine, then I don't forgive you! [To Helena] Why was Grandfather so angry tonight?! Do he not like Austin, either?


Helena: He just.. he just has a lot on his mind. I think we should all get changed for dinner now, and please, can we conduct ourselves with some civility in front of our guests? Tonight is Nanna Willa's night, I don't want it spoiled by petty arguing.


Cordelia: [Smirks at Leslie] Yeah, [pointedly] Dad!


Leslie : [Indignantly] It is not my fault that Charlie has dragged the family name through the gutter and turned up here unannounced with a bunch of criminals!


Ashley: [Quietly to Helena] Talking of Dad's, perhaps you should have a quiet word with father before we sit down. He does seem worse than usual.


Helena: That's quite enough, Leslie. They may be criminals, but they are guests in our house and at least some of them are Hierophantic Knights, do I need to remind you of our connection with them? [Calmly to Ashley] Indeed, Ashley, I will talk to him now.

[Exit HELENA.]

Gertrude: [Pouring out a whiskey for herself] Well, I for one am famished. [Gives a sly grin] I think dinner will be excellent!


Leslie : [Looks perplexed. To Gertrude] What is it that is troubling father? He was most out of sorts earlier.


Gertrude: It's these visions, Leslie, he is very disturbed by his. [Glances at the clock] We'd better discuss this later; it's getting close to dinner time and you know what your mother is like about punctuality. Come on, everyone, let's get dressed for dinner.


Henry: [The footman] Well, that was weird, wasn't it?

Martha: [The maid] I know, I don't recall them ever getting on so well before!

;;; End of scene, next one coming right up


Ashley: I do believe after such an eventful session I need some time to my self to erm, relax a little, before dinner [Exits to room]


On 4 March 2011 12:08, Con

[Book VII, Act VII, Scene IV. The Stairs. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and HARVEY are here, having just left the drawing room, and are heading upstairs, momentarily waiting for TITUS to throw up in the downstairs bathroom.]

Alice: [To Charlie] Er, they seem nice! And hey, Titus sure can't drink much, can he?

;;; This scene overlaps with the last, and picks up from the

;;; moment the party left the room.


Charlie: [Looking rather shell-shocked] Group, I must say, I am terribly sorry we received such a dreadful reception from my father. I expected my parents to be unhappy with ME, but I can assure you, my father has never behaved in such a shocking way, certainly not to guests in his home. Please forgive him. [To Titus and Clint, pleading] And please resist the urge to return his insults, in the interest of peace.


Charlie: [To Austin, unhappily] Nothing that I know myself, but I am certain that Mother and Grandmother are keeping something quiet. No doubt they would be slow to say anything troubling about Father in front of company, but I will assure them that they can speak freely in front of all of you. [To Titus] And I do thank you for your readiness to defend me so robustly, but please remember--he IS my father!


Austin : He was terribly upset about something, [looks a little suprised] much to upset for that something to be us, as far as I can tell. [To Charlie] Is there something that we should know?


Alice: [To Titus] Oh please. Nasty stuff? Yeesh, compared to the way my family behave when we call get together it was a pure love fest!


Charlie: [Getting worked up. To the party, fuming] And how DARE the Council fire ME? After all we have accomplished for them?! I must get to the bottom of this nonsense about receiving payment from a demon.


Alice: Er, could there be any chance that, uh, Pestilence, you know, paid you some cash? [Adding quickly] You know, as a loan or something?


Austin : [Considering the issue] And there is the carriage that we were given after the game show, and the one that is outside at present. That does come under undisclosed insentives at present. Though I would think that all you have to do is declare it as an essential to returning from the other dimension, or escaping the persuing madened throngs?


Charlie: He has given me MANY gifts since we met, but that would hardly count as compensation. We're in a relationship, and [pointedly, to Alice] he has no need to pay me for my company! As such, any gifts from him, [again to Alice] which does NOT include money, should not be considered [finger quotes] compensation. [To Austin, hopefully] Do you not agree, Mr. Sleaze? From a legal perspective?


Alice: [Holds her hands up] Yeesh, excuse me!

;;; Gone for the weekend, we'll pick up again on Monday!


Austin : Indeed, at worst they are incentives, and you are only required to disclose them in any procedure that requires you to make a statement of any potential conflicts of interest that you may have. Perhaps you have recieved some form of financial gain from another demon? [Flicking through some papers] For you to be fired under the current contractual agreement that you have signed with the watchers, it does need to be cash or a bankers draft, or cheque or somesuch, to count as compensation. The definition is open ended though, naturally.


Charlie: [Frowns] Thank you, Mr. Sleaze. And no, I have never received anything like that from a demon. [Gestures around her] You can see my family home. I need not even work, and I would remain financially secure. So, I would hardly need to resort to taking bribes or whatever has been implied by this charge. It is preposterous!


Austin : [Frowns] Well, it sounds as if you have a case. We should pursue this matter further. I shall lodge a request to see the complete details of the charges against you, under the Watchers Freedom of Information Act, 9.11.14 subsection 5. [Quickly writes something on a piece of paper] It is a lenghty and tiresome buisness, so perhaps we will be able to press Leslie for details of the exact nature of the compensation that is at the center of this matter, and for the names of those persons on the council attending this case.


Clint: [Shrugs.] Who cares whether you have a job with the Watchers? Those guys have been nothing but trouble anyway! [Smiles evilly.] Now take me to this suit... I need to make sure it... uh... fits properly. Yeah, that's it.


Charlie: [Smiles at Clint, delighted] I knew you wouldn't let me down, Mr. Scar! [To Austin] Which reminds me--Mr. Sleaze, I must say I am most concerned at the encouragement you are giving my empty-headed niece! To say the two of you are an inappropriate match is putting it mildly. She is merely a child!


Clint: Eh, don't worry about the lawyer, Chuck. He's got his flaws, but he's no kiddie diddler! Anyway, you really sure you want to be bringing up inappropriate matches?

;;; I mean, Pestilence is, what, 6000 years older than Charlie? =)


Charlie: [A bit huffily] Just because I have made a somewhat unconventional choice regarding my personal life does not take away my right to act as a concerned adult regarding the well-being of my still young, rather sheltered niece!

;;;More like 200,000! : O


Clint: [Nods understandingly.] Young, rather sheltered nieces are always innocent. Just ask Harv!


Harvey: [Groans] You don't know the half of it, Private Scar!


Charlie: [To Austin, firmly] And let's keep it that way! [Hesitates] Only REALLY innocent, not [finger quotes] Alice innocent!


Clint: Yeah, well, despoiling innocent virgins aside, what I want to know is what's wrong with your dad! The guy almost makes your boyfriend seem likable by comparison!


Alice: He does seem like he's on the edge of losing his temper all the time, Charlie. It's almost like being at home -- throw in a few unkind remarks about the shortness of my skirt, my boyfriend's tattoos and my new piercings and it'll be just like my ninth birthday all over again.


Charlie: [To Alice, horrified] I should like for you to keep a healthy distance from Cordelia, as well! [To Clint, resolved] I quite agree. Something is terribly wrong with Father, and I intend to get to the bottom of it over dinner! [Adds a bit defensively] And I think you'll find Pestilence extraordinarily likable, once you get to know him and can look beyond his admittedly unfortunate past.


Alice: Don't worry about it, Charlie, she's not my type.


[There is a knock on the door, and it is slowly opened. There stands WILLIAMS, the butler, and a weaselly looking young man, AMACUS "MAC" BRINDLEWORTHY.]

Williams: [To Charlie] Ms. Charlotte. This gentleman claims to be one of your party.


Charlie: I know, she hasn't nearly enough tattoos!


Charlie: [To Williams, looking at Mac] Not at all, Williams. I've never seen him before. [To Mac, angrily] Who are you, and why have you lied to obtain access to my family home?!


Mac: [Quailing, Mac moves backwards until his back is against the wall] Um... Ms C. Parker-Kensington? I... um... I have a l-letter for you [takes out official looking letter and hands it to Charlie] . It's um, from the er... council. It's your [voice getting quieter] official notice of dismissal.


Charlie: [Snatches the letter from Mac] You can't be serious! They're replacing me with an infant?! [Reads the letter]


Alice: Take it easy, Charlie, he's probably just a delivery boy. Give him a shiny copper piece and he'll be fine.


Mac: I.. I'm afraid so. [Looks slightly offended at being called an infant] I am 20 you know!


Mac: No, I am Ms. P-Parker-Kensington's replacement [pauses, waiting for explosion] . My name is Mac.


Alice: Oh please. Shouldn't you be in front of a mirror squeezing zits or something?


Charlie: [To Mac, dismissively] I haven't time for the Council's nonsense just now, so do go sit quietly in a corner and I'll deal with you later.


;;; Sent just to me

Mac: [Gathering what little courage he has] Now listen hear ladies, I'm sorry about the circumstances but [quails under their glares courage rapidly fading] I umm... I have been sent to umm.. watch, you know.

Alice: Surely it's past your bedtime now?


;;;; Not sure if this is an acceptable post:

Mac: [Gathering what little courage he has] Now listen hear ladies, I'm sorry about the circumstances but [quails under their glares <<<(Bit I'm not sure about, as from previous posts I'm sure they will glare), courage rapidly fading] I umm... I have been sent to umm.. watch, you know.


Mac: You must be Ms. Alice Bassett-Short? My youth may deceive you but I, umm, I am certainly err... capable of leading in um... Miss Parker-Kensington's stead.


Alice: Yeah? Well, what's your favourite letter of the alphabet?


Mac: My what? What has the alphabet got to do with anything? [Softening suddenly] But if you must know it's M. Used for making the best sound in the world, mmmmmm.


orld, mmmmmm.

Charlie: [Scoffing] Is it that, or just that you haven't yet gotten further than M in your school curriculum!=


Mac: [Shocked and horrified] Miss Parker-Kensington, please! I do really regret your unfortunate circumstance but I am only the messenger, well, [quietly] and replacement.


tly] and replacement.

Charlie: [Reasonably] I suppose you are only following orders, but you are QUITE mad if you think we shall be taking orders from you. Now, tell me what y= ou know about the circumstances of my dismissal?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with HTTP; Mon, 7 Mar 2011 06:01:04 -0800 (PST) Date: Mon, 7 Mar 2011 14:01:04 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=qA4xgu8Eg7TZeUw4_rs-Ewfur-bxXo76mzBsy@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, "Day,Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, th4 <th4@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: And I'll be counting how many words you use that being with M!


Mac: [To Charlie] I'm sorry, but all I know is it's something to with a 50% off voucher you received from a demon in some sort of game show. I believe the details are in the letter. [To Alice] Are you quite alright Miss? I assure you counting the number of words I say beginning with M is most irregular and completely unnecessary.


Alice: Oh no, I can assure you that YOU are most irregular and certainly completely unnecessary! Forgive me for being interested in letter usage. So anyway, what is it that you're supposed to be? Other than underage, that is!


Mac: The council has sent me to repl, that is um... to be your new watcher.


Alice: So you do nothing? You're even worse than the last one we had! [To Charlie] No offence. [Turns to Austin] I think you should savage him.


Mac: [Alarmed, looking back and forth between Austin and Alice] Please, no! [Tries to back up but realises he still against the wall] I'm here to HELP you...

;;; that's 3 from me.


Titus: Why do we have to accept him? I understand you took a loser like me in your group out of pity but why do we give a F about the watcher council? Why do we have to accept anything from them?


Dur: [Sighs] It's not what we have to do, Titus. We just find it's easier not to ask those kind of questions.


Titus: I say screw the council. They don't pay us. So why do we have to accept anything from them. Make no sense.


Dur: [Nods in understanding] You concerns are noted... And ignored! [To thenewcomer] Welcome to the team!


Alice: Hey! That's a good point -- why do we have Titus with us?!


Mac: [To Titus, with disdain] If they can accept someone like you then they can certainly accept someone like me! [To everyone] But it would greatly ingratiate yourselves with the council should you accept me without resistance, especially after your recent... [pauses, thinking how best to phrase it] Well, I hate to say it, your recent debauchery.


Titus: You Don't. [leaves the room and the estate.]

;;; This is it folks. This was fun while it lasted. Good Luck!


Dur: [Blinks in surprise] Is it really that easy? Well why do we still haveAlice around? [Looks at Alice expectantly]

;;; That was.... Sudden?


Mac: [To Titus' retreating back] Oh, please come back! I didn't mean to offend you, [mumbling] well that much...

;;; Didn't know you were leaving. All the best Alain.


Alice: [Huffily to Dur] You don't. [Storms out, slamming the door behind her]

Williams: [Still standing at the doorway] Er, why did she go into the closet?

[Enter ALICE, coming back from closet.]

Alice: [Angrily to Dur] You very nearly hurt my feelings, Dur. Just for that, I'm putting you on my list of enemies. [Takes out a notebook, and starts scribbling furiously, glaring at Dur all the time, before turning calmly to Mac] You know what, you've been here for two minutes and you've already scared a party member off. I vote you stay!

;;; It sure was! That was the first I heard about it, so

;;; I guess Alain has gone. Everyone, please make

;;; sure Alain is off the list.


Mac: [Prepares to follow Titus before doing a double take at Alice's comment] Stay? Really? Oh how wonderful! [Hugs Alice in gratitude, forgetting himself]


Austin : [Looks decidedly pissed off. To Mac] I have had a very very bad day so far. You should know that we have no wish to ingratiate ourselves with the watchers, they are little more than a swamp of bipedal leeches feeding off the good work of heroes like this party. You should leave now.

;;; sorryyy busy day!


Alice: Er, think of it less as a compliment for you and more of an insult to Titus!


Mac: [Releases Alice promptly, remembering himself] Oh, um... yes of course Miss. Bassett-Short. Forgive me, of course a lady of your stature wouldn't wish to be hugged by a, erm... a commoner like... [goes quiet and stands by wall again]


Alice: Oh, call me Alice. Miss Bassett-Short was my father's name! [Thinks for a moment] Hm.


Dur: That actually explains a lot...

;;; I guess he didn't realize just how silly we all are? From qvblogger

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Alice: Aw, thanks Dur. [Scratches something off her notebook] You're off the enemy list!

;;; I guess we'll never know!


Mac: [Stares stunned for a second] Yes, well, um... where were we?


Austin : You were going to tell us who or whom in the Watchers council that called for Charlie to be removed for recieveing a discount voucher from a Demon. Then you were going to leave.


Alice: Huh, I thought he was going to cry before he left?


Charlie: [Stunned] A 50% off voucher? You don't mean that ridiculous parting gift we were given at the end of the competition?! [Enraged] I don't even intend to USE that!!

;;;Man, I can't leave you guys alone for one minute!

;;;This is why we need the gentling influence of a

;;;woman in the game! R.I.P., Titus!


Mac: [Eyes wide in fear at Charlie's outburst] Erm, I'm afraid I don't know who made the decision. It must be in the letter. I'll just go now and come back when you're a bit calmer shall I? [Starts edging back towards the door]


Charlie: [To Mac] Do stop fidgeting. I understand you are only following orders, and are rather too young to think for yourself at this stage, so you shall remain with us, for the time being. You see, tonight is rather a special occasion, the birthday of my dear Nanna Willa, and so we will have no more arguing about this nonsense. I shall sort this out with the Council tomorrow. [To the group] Now, Williams has provided some appropriate clothes for each of you, so do let us dress for dinner at once. [Claps her hands] Chop-chop!


Austin : I suspect one of the utterly spineless worms in the Watchers council was behind this. Who on earth do they think they are! [Haughtily] We are Hierophantic Knights, and they are nothing more than snivelling leeches, too scared to venture forth into the real world, and face real danger, and really make a difference! [To Mac] We gave our lives several times and saved this world several more. What have the watchers done? Sat and watched [laughs] Cretins!


Alice: [Looks at a super conservative dress that Williams brought up and laughs] What is this? A tent? [To Williams] It's okay, Bill, you can keep that. I've got something that'll be just perf!


Charlie: [To Austin, offended] Mr. Sleaze, let me remind you that I have risked my life alongside you many times! It is completely unfair and untrue to say I have done nothing more than watch!


Austin : [Looks at the drab sack that Williams thinks in a suit] Well, if it looked more like clothing and less like a cleaning rag I might consider wearing it, but I think I'll just freshen up thank you. [Goes to the bathroom to try and freshen up as best he can]


Clint: Then obviously you're not much of a [big emphasis] watcher, are you? Haw! [Goes to put on Leslie's suit, trying to make sure he bursts a seam or something.]


Alice: Maybe that's why they fired her? She was actually useful!


Charlie: [To Alice, touched] Why, thank you, Alice! [Slips behind a dressing screen and calls out to Mac as she gets dressed] Do help yourself to proper clothes, as you are to join us for our celebration!


Mac: [Comes out of his reverie] What, oh! Dinner, yes. Thank you very much [takes an appropriately sized suit and stands around looking lost] . Ummm... where shall I change?


Charlie: [Steps out from behind the dressing screen wearing an exceedingly modest blue evening gown with long sleeves and an elaborate lace collar that reveals very little skin. To Mac, pointing to the screen] Behind this screen!


Clint: [Indicates Charlie's dressing screen.] That's probably Watchers-only or something. [Struggles mightily with the tie.] Umm... lawyer? A little help here?


On 07/03/2011 16:48, Heather wrote:

Mac: You mean in here? With girls present? [Looks horrified at the idea of changing in the same room as a woman]


Austin : [Emerging from a bathroom. To Charlie] But you are not a watcher, you know that what I said clearly did not apply to you. [Tuts. Turns to Mr Scar] Perhaps a servant can help you Mr Scar. I'd sooner die.


Clint: [Amused.] He's a watcher alright! [Hands Mac the tie.] Here. Knock yourself out. Real men don't wear crap like this [tugs at the suit disdainfully] anyway. [Makes it a point to scratch in a few places.]


Alice: [Reappearing from behind another screen wearing a trashy short leather dress with three big buckles across the front] Mm-mm! [Admires herself in the mirror] Now, as long as I don't have to breathe or bend over, we'll be fine.

;;; Sometimes I make it too easy for you people!


Mac: [Steps out from behind screen dressed immaculately, minus Clint's tie] Well, this seems to fit quite nicel... [stops mid sentence and stares at the assorted outfits the group are wearing. To Charlie] Perhaps we overdressed?


Charlie: [To Mac] To be fair, they've had to make do with borrowed clothes, though [distracted by Alice] --Alice, do wear a proper dress! Father is already angry enough without you provoking him further!


Clint: What's the big deal? She probably borrowed it from Cordelia anyway!


Charlie: Mr. Scar, I realize what Alice is wearing possibly seems the height of good taste to you, but let me assure you, Mother will not be pleased! [To Alice] And you do NOT want to disappoint Mother.


Dur: [Changing quickly and without shame, making sure his half eaten pastrami sandwich makes it into his new set of pants] Could it be much worse than= anything we have faced thus far?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with HTTP; Mon, 7 Mar 2011 09:28:28 -0800 (PST) Date: Mon, 7 Mar 2011 17:28:28 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTimhXUSeRHQ4rh=scmYkz4hvamJjtCQRXEZS9+Uo@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, th4 <th4@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Alice: Oooh! Heaven forbid we disappoint Mother! You know, Charlie, I think we can be pretty certain that she will find my outfit the height of class.


Austin : [Hastily and indignantly] And for the record I am not trying 'it' on with Cordelia! I was merely humoring her, and winding Leslie up a little. He deerves it, that pompus ass!. [Scoldingly] You should all be ashamed of yourselves for thinking anything else! She is barely 15! [Looks disgusted at the party]


Mac: [To Charlie] Are things always like this?


Charlie: [To Mac] Things are a bit tense just now, I'm afraid. It's rather a long story, but in short we just saved this dimension from invasion by participating in an absurd televised competition. And some of the challenges posed to us brought to light some terribly personal details, the revelation of which have turned us into tabloid fodder and apparently resulted in my termination. [Sighs heavily] Also, several members of my family were most unhappy about what they learned about me, which turned what should have been a perfectly lovely evening into something of a nightmare. So, you can see, your timing has been a touch unfortunate!


Clint: [Thinking quickly.] Yup. All the time. Bicker bicker bicker. You wouldn't want to hang out with a group like us. Much better to give Chuck here her job back and go dust your doilies or whatever it is you Watcher guys do in your free time.

;;;Also, yes, they really are. =)


Mac: [To Charlie, pointedly ignoring Clint] Oh dear, I'm terribly sorry about all this. I didn't mean to add to what seems an already heavy load. Perhaps I can help lighten it now I'm here?


Alice: Do you know any funny songs? Or poems about pigs that pretend to be people? Those kind of things always cheer me up!


Charlie: [To Alice] Absolutely not! You know how songs about pigs that pretend to be people work you up, and I do not wish to have you in a frenzy before we go down to meet my family! [To Mac] That is very kind of you, and as you can see, this is not an easy life and we are grateful for help where we can find it. [Deadly serious] As long as you do not presume to attempt to lead the group, of course.


Mac: [To Alice] I'm sorry, I'm afraid I lack the timing for a good joke. [To Charlie] Well, the council did mention something... [waits to see if she was joking] but then again what does the council know?


Austin : [Smirks. Deadpan] No, don't do that, pretending to lead the group is Charlie's job. [Checks his nails casually]


Charlie: [To Mac] Indeed, they terminated me for accepting a coupon! [To Austin, irked] And what is it YOU are pretending to do, Mr. Sleaze?!


Clint: Evidently not how to take a hint!


Alice: I'm pretending to pretend to do something!


Austin : [Chuckles] I am not pretending to do anything. I know who I am and what it is that I do. I save the world. I don't need to pretend to be the leader of this group as well. I leave that to the Colonel. Saving the world and being incredibly handsome and charming is quite enough to be going on with thank you.


Mac: Well, this lovely atmosphere should create an interesting dinner. What time is dinner served?


Charlie: [Glances at a clock] Quite soon, in fact! [Looks around] Are we all ready to go?


Austin : [To Mac] There is always a cool off period immediately after action. I'm sure everyone will be back to their old selves shortly.

;;;; out for the rest of the day


Alice: That's when things get really crazy!

[There is a knock on the door. Enter WILLIAMS, who strides up to a huge gong, which he hammers with all his might.]

Williams: Dinner is served.

[Exit ALL, to dinner.]

;;; Next scene coming up in an hour or so


[Book VII, Act VII, Scene V. The Dining Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and MAC are here, having just been escorted in by WILLIAMS. The family are already sitting at the table, and there are name tags to indicate who sits where. The order is, starting at the head of the table, RUDYARD (although he is not here), ASHLEY, ALICE, CLINT, DUR, CORDELIA, AUSTIN, GERTRUDE, NANNA WILLA (at the opposite end of the table to RUDYARD), HELENA, CHARLIE, MAC, JO, HARVEY, RUTH and LESLIE. CORDELIA looks very different, and is wearing loads of make up and a dress even more revealing than ALICE's. Also present are WILLIAMS, HENRY, MARTHA and CLARA, the servants. Much to the party's surprise, NANNA WILLA appears to be a desiccated corpse, albeit with a party hat on. The rest of the family are sitting around chatting, apparently completely unperturbed at the presence of a corpse at the table. There is a small table off to one side that seems to be for gifts, and includes things such as crushed rose petals, a phial of virgin tears, some powdered snake horn and some anteater teeth.]

Alice: [Bounding in, not noticing that Nanna Willa is a corpse, because she has her back to the entrance] Happy Birthday! Who likes fruity soaps and really nice body lotion? These will be great for your sk- [suddenly spots Nanna Willa] Er, oh.


Charlie: [Breezes into the room and says cheerily] Happy birthday, Nanna! [Shows Nanna a small package] Look, I brought you some jellied eyes this year! [Puts the package with the other gifts]

;;;Nanna's never looked better! ; )


Mac: [Follows closely behind Charlie, stopping short when he sees Nana Willa] My god! What happened?

Ashely: What ho everybody! Come in, do sit down.


Charlie: [To Mac, puzzled] Nothing! Well, she DID die, but that was hundreds of years ago and we are certainly used to that now!

Cordelia: [To Austin, patting the seat next to her] Here, Aussie, I saved you a seat!


;;; Dom's out

Austin: [Looks Cordelia up and down, clearly a little uncomfortable] Thanks, Cordy.

Alice: [Sitting in beside Ashley, eyeing up Nanna Willa] So, uh, let's get this party started. What are we all drinking?

Leslie: Ruth and I don't drink alcohol, we think it leads to young girls dressing in a most unbecoming fashion, and behaving immorally.

Alice: [Nods in agreement] Isn't it great?


Mac: [Still gawking at Nana] HUNDREDS OF YEARS! But... but... but...

Ashley: So Alice, that's an interesting dress. Very similar to Cordelia's. Where do you shop?


Alice: Thanks, Ash! I got this in Madam Sin's House of Pain, Bondage Accessories and Bathroom Supplies.

Gertrude: [To Mac] So, you're the new Watcher, eh?


Charlie: [To Mac, smiling] I know! She's terribly well preserved, wouldn't you say?

;;;Out for an hour or so! Damn work!


Mac: Well, when you put it like that, yes! But... but.. but.. But what happened? How can she be hundreds of years dead? How old are you all? What's going on?

Ashley: Oh a most reputable establishment to be sure! [Lowers his voice] Just make sure that Cordy doesn't hear about it [winks] .


Helena: [Irritated at Mac] There's nothing going on. We're just celebrating the day of her birth. Is it really so peculiar for the person to not be alive any more?


Mac: [Composing himself somewhat] Well, yes, actually it is! But what amazed me more was the apparent age gap. [Suddenly remembering what Gertrude had asked, to Gertrude] And yes, I am the new watcher. Mac is my name.


Helena: Mac? MacBrindleworth?


Mac: Umm... Yea, that's who the council sent.


Helena: You're MacBrindleworth? Who singlehandedly stared down a gang of vampires? Who chased a bunch of hungry Morcs away from an orphanage with no more than a blunt wooden spoon? Who left a trail of impregnated virgins in his wake when he traveled from pole to pole?


Charlie: [Takes her seat. To Mac, incredulous] But--but you are barely old enough to have merely graduated from the Watcher's Academy!

Cordelia: Sooo, Austin, do you like my new dress??


Mac: Umm... yes, well, you know how it is. I don't really like to talk about it much [blushes] .


Austin: [Looks at the scantily dressed Cordelia] Er, yes, it's very nice.

Leslie: [Muttering angrily to Ruth] Just listen to him!

Helena: [Highly skeptical of Mac] Indeed. It all seems very strange to me, I must say.

[An awkward silence descends for a few moments, while the servants serve up soup.]

Alice: So, uh, Nanna Willa. If you don't mind me asking, how old are you?

[NANNA WILLA doesn't reply.]

Leslie: [Rolls his eyes] She's dead. She doesn't care about your inane questions.


Charlie: [Pleased] I suppose I should find it flattering that the Council felt someone with your achievements was needed to fill the void created by my dismissal! [To Helena, nodding at Rudyard's empty chair] I take it Father--isn't feeling well?


Helena: That is correct. He is taking a rest in his study. He hasn't been sleeping well recently.


Mac: [Stuttering furiously] Y-yes, t-t-that's it. Y-y-ou, you d-did s-s-such a good j-job t-that they n-n-needed t-t-the f-famous M-MacB-Brindlew-worthy t-to take over [looks around and then tries to make himself as small as possible] .


Charlie: [In a low voice] Mother, I wish you will tell me what is bothering him! I've never seen him behaving this way!


Ashley: I do say mother, I do hope it's not his visions keeping him awake. Perhaps talking it over with us, and our esteemed guests, would help him?


Charlie: [Alarmed] What visions?


Ashley: Oh you know, those visions where everyone finds out how they die.


Charlie: [Worried] Mother, is THAT what is bothering him? What did he see?


Ashley: [Carrying on oblivious to Charlie's worry] What did you see Charlie? Mine was quite spectacular!


Dur: [Looks at his old pastrami sandwich in horror] You mean I've been saving this for a dead woman???!!!=


Charlie: [To Ashley, dubiously] You enjoyed yours?! I was trampled to death by horses in mine. What happened in yours?


Helena: Really, is this the sort of conversation one has in polite company?


Ashley: Oh yes! Mine won't happen till I'm very old. I get stabbed by a hooker! Most satisfactory way to go if I do say so.


Charlie: Mother, you were a Watcher, too! You know that at times one must ignore social graces. Father's behavior has been so extraordinary, I am terribly worried about him. You can speak freely in front of the group. We routinely entrust our lives to one another!


Dur: [Biting into the old sandwich] It's a shame really. Makes me glad thatI didn't have a dream at all.=


Alice: Stabbed by a hooker? No fair! In mine I was strangled from behind. It was hardly any fun!

Gertrude: You're right, Charlie, there is nothing to be gained by keeping it secret. [Gives Helena a sly, amused look] Unless someone is embarrassed by one of the visions, of course.


Helena: No, Ashley, I don't think so. I hardly think that these visions are amusing.

Gertrude: In my vision, I was killed by your mother, Ashley!


Charlie: [To Gertrude, shocked] You were? [To Helena] Mother, how could you?!

Cordelia: [Clearly delighted] In mine, I was burned at the stake! [To Ruth] What happened in yours, Mother?


Helena: [Sternly to Charlie] There is nothing to suggest that they are going to actually happen, Charlie. Facts, that's what the Watchers deal with. Even Mac can tell you that.

Leslie: [To Cordelia] Your mother doesn't like to talk about the visions, Pordy, they upset her.

Austin: [To Cordelia] I bet hers is great!


Charlie: [To Helena] I quite agree, which is why I should like to know about Father's vision! Please tell me, Mother. We have been researching the phenomenon since it occurred. Perhaps we could help?

Cordelia: [To Ruth, whining] Muuuummmy, why won't you tell us?! Do you have to be SO boring all the time??


Mac: [Nodding enthusiastically] Quite right Mrs. Parker-Kensington.

Ashley: Oh do stop being such a stick-in-the-mud Mac. You should take a page out of our greatest watcher's book, Grandmama Gertrude. [Turning to Gertrude] Did your vision show you why you killed mother?


Ruth: [To Cordelia] Yes, of course I do!

Dur: Who cares about the visions, really? We don't even know why we've beenhaving them yet. And by 'we' I, of course, mean all of you. Chosen ones do= n't have visions, just blissful peace and quiet.From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with HTTP; Tue, 8 Mar 2011 09:08:19 -0800 (PST) Date: Tue, 8 Mar 2011 17:08:19 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTikimuhpmZ0rieEtcbad-_eA7MscKFhzPyFJ1w2h@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, th4 <th4@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Gertrude: Oh no, Ashley, in my vision it was Helena who killed me, and no, I don't know why. We were arguing at the top of the stairs, and I took a tumble.

Helena: The visions are just nonsense, sent here to torture us. I'm afraid your father is convinced that his demise is imminent; ever since he had his, he has become terribly withdrawn. He believes that he will be killed in his study.


Charlie: Poor Father! No wonder he is so out of sorts. What WAS your vision, Mother?

Cordelia: [To Austin] What was yours, Aussie?


Ashley: Oh sorry Grandmama, my mistake. Well, that is out of sorts. [Sniggering] Mother, how could you?!

Mac: Mrs. Parker-Kensington is right. These visions are not to be taken seriously.


Jo: [Cheerfully.] Like, of course they are! It has to do with the pyramids passing through the third phase of the sun ascendant in the rise of the fall of the house of Usher! [Helpfully.] EVERYONE knows that! [Hands Clint a green rock.] And here, powder this and drink it and it'll fix that little odour problem you have and put you back in harmony with the spirit of Leslie's suit! Probably the thurble factor out of alignment with your inner aura.

Clint: Uh... riiiiight.

;;; Sorry all. Alarm clock failure combined with busy day here at the

office. Bleh.


Austin : [To Cordelia] Well I was dead at the time of the visions, so I did not have one. Pretty boring huh!


Mac: Dead? How does that work as you seem to be rather alive right now?


Jo: [Cheerily.] The power of positive thinking, I dare say! Perhaps with the help of a little incense to call the soul back from nirvana.


Austin : Well, that part is a little disturbing. I don't know who ressurected me this last time. [Pauses] I died killing Phili, but he came back to life almost instantly, all be it a little squished from the fall. [Smugly] Par for the course for a knight. I can't even remember how many times I have died, but I expect that our trusty watchers and ex watcher will know. I think it is 3 times now? Charlie, Mac?


Ashley: Come mother, you simply MUST tell us your vision!

;;; I'm out almost all of tomorrow.


Charlie: Yes, do tell, Mother! [Looks around the table] I would be most interested to hear everyone's vision, in fact. We have been investigating them, and it could be very instructive.


Jo: [Brightly.] I die in the next year or two, trampled at a march protesting the grotesque, inhumane killing of a peaceful, innocent dove. Luckily, all that good karma means I'll come back in some noble, wonderful form, so it all turns out rather well! [More quietly.] I don't really groove on your new boyfriend, Charlie old thing, but here. [Passes Charlie a bright green bag full of something that rattles.] Keep this on you to make sure your aura stays bright and shiny!


Charlie: [To Jo, in a low voice] Thank you, dear, but you needn't worry about me. [Glances at her mother and keeps her voice low] I have never been happier!


Helena: Hm, yes, I'm sure you haven't. In my vision, I was stabbed through the heart by a teenage girl, who looked like she was completely insane. I'm not sure when it was supposed to be, but I got the feeling that it is supposed to be in the next few years. However, there is little more than hearsay to suggest that the visions will actually come true; it's more likely that they were caused simply to torture us.

;;; She's right about the torture, Genesis, a Custos-Clementine,

;;; said as much to the party right before they happened. Given that

;;; almost the entire population is now preoccupied with them,

;;; it has been effective. She's wrong about the hearsay, though, as

;;; the party have seen several of the visions come true (for other

;;; people, of course)


Jo: Oh mother, don't be silly. Of course the visions are going to come true! That's what visions do, after all! Personally, I think it's some kind of manifestation of the collective unconscious.

Clint: I hate to say it, but we've seen several of 'em come true ourselves.


Helena: [Sharply to Jo] That's Clementine talk, Jo! We'll have none of that in this house. I'm sure Mac here feels the same way, [turns to Mac] don't you?

;;; Tony's out

Mac: Uh, um. Yes, yes I do. [Takes a drink of wine]


Charlie: Oh, Mother, I know she didn't mean it like THAT, did you Jo, dear? [To Leslie] What about you, brother dear? What was your vision? [Sweetly] Death by a thousand paper cuts, perhaps?


Ashley: Oh yes, Leslie! Do tell! [To Ruth] And you're next!


Jo: Of course I didn't mean it like that! Clementines are your hang up, not mine! [Reaches into her pocket, ready to help Leslie out with a healing crystal of some sort.]


Mac: [To Helena] Excellent soup, by the way Mrs. Parker-Kensington.

;;; Got to my seminar only to be told it had been rescheduled. Just got

;;; back. Still have an appointment this afternoon so will be out from

;;; 2 till 4:30-ish.


Alice: [Nods] And this kind of lemony water too, mm-mm!

;;; Dom is AFK?

Leslie: The visions are simply superstitious nonsense. There is no way my one is coming true, it is too preposterous. [Laughs unconvincingly]

Helena: [To Alice] That's a finger bowl. [To Mac] Thank you. [Thinks for a moment] What is the Watcher Council's stance on the visions?


Charlie: [To Leslie] If it's that amusing, then do tell us, Leslie. This is a party after all!

Cordelia: [Squeezes Austin's knee] Aussie, you look so handsome tonight! [Lowers her voice, rolling her eyes] I'm sorry that this party is SO boring! Want to go up to see my room?


Ashley: [All attention on Leslie] Yes Leslie, you can't dodge out of it. Come on my dear fellow, spill the beans.


Ashley: [All attention on Leslie] Yes Leslie, you can't dodge out of it. Come on my dear fellow, spill the beans.

Mac: [To Helena] Oh the council is taking them very seriously. They're not quite sure if they're true or not, however I'm inclined to believe the reports of the others gathered here. [Watches Cordelia an Austin interacting nervously]


Leslie: [Apparently not noticing Cordelia] If you have to know, in mine, Ruth killed me.

Gertrude: [Laughs out loud] Well done, Ruthie! I never knew you had it in you!

Ruth: [Nervously] I'm quite sure I don't.


Charlie: [Highly amused. To Leslie] Let that be a lesson to you, brother dear! [To Mac] And what was your vision?


Mac: Oh, mine... well, [voice growing quieter until it's just a mumble] ...

Ashley: Do speak up, Mac. We can't hear you down this end!

Mac: [Jumps slightly] Oh! Sorry, umm...

Ashley: Come now, we've told you ours. It's only a vision my good fellow.

Mac: Yes, yes I um.. Well, in my vision I um... I get hacked to err... pieces by umm... the local guard of err... some place.


Gertrude: Fascinating! Fascinating! My, the new breed of Watchers is certainly different to my day.

[The main course is brought out.]

Alice: [Still eyeing up Nanna Willa] So, is this the kind of family dinner in which all sorts of dark and juicy secrets come out?

Leslie: [Quickly] No!

Alice: Innnteresting!

Leslie: Our family life is an open book. We have no secrets, from each other, or from you. [To Austin] Keep your hands off my daughter!

Austin: [Sitting minding his own business, although clearly uncomfortable at Cordelia's hand on his leg, holds his hands up] Calm down. I am not touching her. [Gives a sudden start, but sits again]


Charlie: [Intrigued] What place? It must be terribly scandalous to have you so bent out of shape over it!


Cordelia: [Smiles mischievously] Ooooh, let's definitely make it one of THOSE kinds of dinners! [Looks at Leslie and says in a sing-song voice] Like what you said about getting some bitch of a Watcher fired over a half-off voucher?! [Laughs] I'll bet she was MAD!


Mac: [Jumping at Charlie's voice] Oh! Ummm... what? Oh... yes, I umm... I don't recognise where.

Ashley: How perfectly ghastly! Was it messy?

Mac: [Ignoring Ashley] I was erm... chased by them... the err, guards that is. I um... took a wrong turn and err... was left in a dead end, surrounded by them and that's when... well... you know... [voice trails off as he absentmindedly reviews his memory]

Ashley: My, my! How about you Ruth, you old murderer you?! [Winks at Ruth playfully] .


Ruth: Cordelia!

Alice: Hey! Isn't Charlie a bitch of a Watcher who was fired over a half-off voucher?

Ruth: [Alarmed, exchanging glances with Leslie] Oh, okay then, if you really must hear it. I was strangled by someone, from behind. It was really rather saucy, actually, as it happened in a bedroom, and [self-consciously] I wasn't wearing pajamas, if you know what I mean.


Mac: [Drops his soup spoon unceremoniously at Cordelia's announcement and looks nervously at Charlie next to him] .

Ashley: Cordelia! How did you come by this excellent piece of news?! You truly are MAGNIFICENT.


Austin : [Looks highly confident ans very, very smug. To Leslie] So it was you that had Charlie fired for accepting a 50% discount voucher. You are aware that a 50% discount voucher is not considered to be compensation, in any way or form.

Leslie : We of the watcher counsel considered it a complete and utter disgrace that one of our agents should stoop to such a level and bring disgrace upon us, and anyone can plainly see, that in the big picture, a 50% discount voucher is most certainly compensation.


Gertrude: Leslie! You didn't!


Charlie: [To Leslie, enraged] How could you do such a thing?! And why on earth would the Council permit it?


Leslie : [Carefully to Gertrude] Charlie is a disgrace to the Watchers. [Building in confidence] Cavorting around nearly naked, indulging in carnal relationships with a demon, accepting compensation from a demon! Who's side is she on! I think that is the question that you really need to ask yourself.

Austin : [To Leslie, calmly and very very smugly] So you had Charlie fire on a vague techinicality, one that no right minded watcher would even consider. [Casually checks his nails] Is this not simply a case of revenge driven by jealousy, because you failed the Watchers entrance examination? [Glances agreeably at Gertrude] I think so.


Gertrude: It certainly seems that way, Leslie.

Helena: I'm sure it's not. Leslie is very well adjusted about not becoming a Watcher, aren't you, Leslie?


Charlie: [To Austin] Thank you, Mr. Sleaze! [To Leslie, furious] How DARE you question my loyalty?! You know very well that voucher hardly amounts to me being on a demon's payroll! And as for Pestilence, he has fought with us for some time now and is an invaluable ally. He is NOT the enemy.


Leslie : [Calmly] Why yes mother, it was merely an old injury that prevented me from becoming a Watcher. I would have course gladly signed up, but [emphasis] I respect the view of the Watcher's council and abide by their rules. [Frowns at Charlie] More than can be said for some people.

Austin : Definitely jealously. [To Leslie] What was this old injury?


Jo: Oh, come on, Leslie, you make the Watchers out to be a bunch of stuffed shirts. Look at Grandmother, she should be mould for Watchers.

Gertrude: Why, thank you, Jo.

Jo: It's just not fair that Charlie is being given a hard time when you, well, you know.

Helena: [Sharply] Jo! That's quite enough!


Charlie: [Confused] Mother?! [To Jo] What were you about to say?


Gertrude: What's all the fuss? I became pregnant with your mother out of wedlock. [Sees the horrified and shocked reactions] Oh, please. It was the twenties, things were different then.

Helena: Can we please get back to why Leslie would have done this? Leslie, your father will be most disappointed in you.


Ruth: [To Charlie] My husbands failure to pass ANY of the Watchers extensive tests is not of your business harlot! [Covers her mouth] Oh dear!

Dur: [Clearly bored] So... When do we eat?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id a14cs63866anh; Wed, 9 Mar 2011 06:20:35 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=heather.goggans@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [] ) by with SMTP id p12mr7332836wer.91.1299680434364 (num_hops = 1); Wed, 09 Mar 2011 06:20:34 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type; bh=J2kORYgLwFq93vQ3NiDiRWYe4Om7/S3cZJXzRIqUsP0=; b=ogz98y6BfU123KZ/Qms5ufbApEd0Hk44CgQVp2CLpcutCQ3EAjm8XN19G270XYwqjQ Sn5vv7KFcCywEyzCZw5E41PRg29NS8MFWEtQwa+0z0pzLU5yVcfhNPII3boVWkK+Hd6k KVhQQ4sZKR8+RRZUiMsyxQPZQGfeWnOr/dZlUDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=d6e1iX7A61uBKnMk4JI9Mj9sprcqylY60nipjmWVXNeeP6egMDNnD+pT3joe+oLQVp bNkL3VVuAqhJRzjQjjr+vNh4AsyVQXGxDR1dF2ZtBJ9MEbGjlr0kusKZoWIcrnfcyiW9 pNPc60czfFZ9XpTn54Nw7da68Qxdtl+AfUHXoMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with SMTP id p12mr5358335wer.91.1299680434314; Wed, 09 Mar 2011 06:20:34 -0800 (PST) Received: by with HTTP; Wed, 9 Mar 2011 06:20:34 -0800 (PST) Date: Wed, 9 Mar 2011 14:20:34 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTim6xdp2DpEJxyfG2vkV_fKLoZ_6dBNaZJiATxp7@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: [To Ruth, with a triumphant smile] For that delightful tidbit, I can forgive your insults! [To Leslie] Not a single test, eh? That certainly explains why you are such an angry, twisted man!


Alice: [To Dur] Sh! It's already there, in front of you. That thing it's on is a plate. Now, be quiet, it's just getting good.

;;; Tony's out this afternoon

Ashley: [Shocked] Leslie! You told me it was because of a card playing accident!


Cordelia: [To Gertrude] Wow, Nanna, so you didn't wait until you got married, huh?? Yeah, I think it's silly and old-fashioned to wait, too. [Moves closer to Austin and bats her eyes at him]


Ruth: [To Cordelia and Austin] Do I need to separate the two of you?!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id a14cs65272anh; Wed, 9 Mar 2011 07:07:20 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <djmalzie@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [] ) by with SMTP id wb9mr11495905icb.137.1299683240029 (num_hops = 1); Wed, 09 Mar 2011 07:07:20 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type:content-transfer-encoding; bh=z4sa+p2atQDJw3d7wcMjBqLbh86gLpjNEm95s4vSVdM=; b=OQF8K/2ZRo0Dl+UhZw52BySkZdw5ipl/QmYVPkya/aFY8krdRe7gpvZRLEJ3axzE6X jemvxbQeaTqfDO+lGvJ84/M79q/kjJMUw+479654VqUQm46ZzPLYY3xpqky+EcopIqEH la/6he2w3r5erY+T7sN7NfySU8IkH9LBDtRNsDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type :content-transfer-encoding; b=j7DEG9uv8FTLRthQbJHByYLk5PmN/nEiMikSxzLYu/rkzKx1Up4EONHzr3OgY1z+u4 OLHjP7lBVAn4QwyjxV1omy8sdIFYSH/PH1ccc5eu1yi57ri6tBoY6/4i8rSoiyX8mwFe 0Uo3WOBhXK+yfRJdJ8UKqO3kqGtVDxwwSlil8MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with SMTP id wb9mr8408122icb.137.1299683239973; Wed, 09 Mar 2011 07:07:19 -0800 (PST) Received: by with HTTP; Wed, 9 Mar 2011 07:07:19 -0800 (PST) Date: Wed, 9 Mar 2011 15:07:19 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTikLFJiWhGYRGOH3b5SqSSND5NrdfBcx=efY1PQt@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Austin : [Chuckles. To Cordelia, politely] Whilst I completely agree, don't you want to have fun before starting a family? You should party for a few more years at the very least. Youth is too valuable to waste. Do you want to end up like your parents before you are even 16? No way! [Chuckles playfully]

Leslie : [Looking extremely agitated] Mother I strongly feel that this is not an appropriate discussion to have in front of my sweet little Cordy. Mr Sleaze is utterly corrupt and morally desolate, as are the rest of his group. Father has already made it clear that they are not welcome here.


Alice: [Getting a little tipsy on the wine] Hey! [Throws a breadroll at Leslie] Less of the cutterly erupt, please!

Helena: Please! Conduct yourselves!


Austin : [Sighs] So you failed all of the Watchers tests, the personality test , the IQ, the fitness, hat identification, book keeping, note taking, observation, first aid, navigation, library use and research approach, knot tieing, presentation skills, etc etc.

Leslie : [Enraged] My note taking is unsurpassed!

Austin : [Quickly innterrupts. To Ruth] And no you do not need to separate anybody from anyone] Cordelia is a charming young lady and I have been nothing less than cordial, congenial, polite and respectful towards her. She just wants to have fun. Since you asked, you should know that I am only interested in persons of a similar age to myself, or older, particularly in situations where the older woman is fabulously attractive. [Smiles courteously to Gertrude]


Charlie: [To Leslie] Do stop insulting my colleagues at once! Father only asked us to leave because of the rather unwise, aggressive behavior of one of the members of the party, who has since departed as you may have noticed. Everyone else has been most pleasant and extremely patient, considering how abominably you have behaved!


Gertrude: [Gives Austin a long, sexy look] Why, Mr. Sleaze! [To Cordelia] Sorry dear, looks like you've got some competition!

Helena: Mother! [Stands up] Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! All of you! You are ruining Nanna Willa's party! [Gestures to the corpse beside her] This should be a night of fun and celebration, and you have all destroyed it! Honestly, could this night get any worse?

[Ding dong! The doorbell rings.]


Austin : [Looks suprised] Oh, who left? [Glances round] Ahh, Titus. [Chuckles] I don't suppose that I would pass the obsevation test either, Leslie old chap.


Austin : [Returns Gertrude's look with a smile. To Helena] With any luck that will be Charlie's squeeze.


Charlie: [Shakes her head] No, we agreed he wouldn't attend this evening. Perhaps Titus has returned? [Looks toward the door]


[Everybody waits in silence for WILLIAMS to return. After an age, he does so.]

Williams: [Gravely and dramatically] Mr. Pestilence Sotot.

[Enter PESTILENCE, looking quite different from his normal self. Instead of the usual all leathers, he is wearing a pair of smart trousers, a nice cotton shirt and a sweet pastel yellow sweater. Tied jauntily around his neck is a second sweater, this time pastel blue. He is carrying a bunch of flowers in one hand, and a blood soaked paper bag in the other.]

Pestilence: [Super friendly] Hi everyone! [Goes up to Nanna Willa and gives her a peck on the cheek] Happy Birthday, Nanna! [Holds the bag up for everyone to see] I got her the still beating heart of a baker, I hope that's okay! [Squeezes the bag, pretending to make it beat] Whoops! This is a slippy one! [To Gertrude] You must be Charlie's mother. [Hands over the flowers] These are for you!

Gertrude: [Smiling] Oh no, I'm her grandmother.

Pestilence: [Mock shocked] No way!


Charlie: [Surprised] Hello, darling! [Smiles at Pestilence, but glances nervously at her mother] Of course, it is wonderful to see you, but I thought we had agreed you would meet my family another night?


Austin : Excellent! [To Pestilence] Well, Titus has left, so there is a place all ready for you. [To Helen] If that is alright with you, our most gracious hostess of course! [Smiles a charming smile]

Leslie : [Speachless] I .. I ! Ah, uh [Glances around terribly nervously ] Cordelia darling, please go to your room this instant!


Pestilence: [Jovially] No, you said you thought it was a good idea to meet them another night, we didn't agree anything. [Takes her in his arms and bends her back over the table, but suddenly catches himself and rights her again, instead kissing her hand] How marvelous to see you again, my dear!

Helena: [Rolls her eyes] Titus' place was removed, but he might as well take Rudyard's place, as I don't think we'll see him again tonight.

Pestilence: [To Helena] Now, Jo, don't you think that this is something your mother should decide?

Helena: I am Charlie's mother.

Pestilence: [Fooling nobody] Oh. My. God. You look so young! [Gives her a big hug, much to her obvious discomfort] Mom!


Charlie: [Quickly, attempting to usher Pestilence to Rudyard's empty seat] Darling, do join us! [With slightly forced cheeriness] How sweet of you to bring a little something for Nanna Willa. [To Gertrude, urgently] Grandmother, wasn't that terribly thoughtful of Pestilence?


Jo: [To Charlie, amused.] How scandalous! I think you'd better take that aura-cleansing kit after all! And poor Leslie... it's all just a cry for attention, you know. [Sadly.] He is very out of harmony. I've tried taking him to see Swami Pastrami to get his life back in balance, but he "doesn't believe in that sort of thing." [Perks up.] Maybe you and I should take him tomorrow!


Ashley: What ho, Pestilence! So glad you could make it. I've really been looking forward to meeting you.

Mac: [Quietly to Helena] Why is there a Demon in a cardigan joining us? Surely the council would frown on such behaviour?


Pestilence: [Letting Charlie lead him to the seat, but stopping along the way to chat with people] What ho, Ash! [Gives him a big shake of the hand, before giving Jo a huge hug] I didn't know that Charlie had a prettier sister! [Greets each of the party] Hi Alice! Austin, lookin' good! Harvey? Oh, I won't wake you, stay where you are. [Does a pretend boxing move on Clint] Heya Stinky! [Ruffles Dur's hair] How's my buddy Dur? [Stops when he gets to Mac] Hi Titus! Great to see you again!

Helena: [Coldly to Mac] I don't think the Watcher's Council will hear about it, do you?


Austin : [Agreeing with Mac] Indeed, that is a terrible cardigan, and I am most relieved to hear that the council would agree!

Leslie : [Still looking terrified] I, errm, [Looks at Helen, nervously. To Pestillence] Erm, welcome to the family, errm, Pestillence. [Smiles weakly] So nice to meet you at last. We were beginning to wonder if you were real [Lightly chuckles, very nervously]


Mac: [Jumping at Helen's tone] N-no, of c-course not. I- err.. I was just [Looks around at Pestilence as he greets him] I'm not Titus!


Charlie: [To Pestilence, indignantly] He's the new Watcher. Would you believe those fools on the Council fired me and replaced me with HIM?! [To Mac] No offense. You ARE actually rather nice.


Clint: [Trying to keep Mac from being killed outright.] What with Charlie taking a break from official Watcherdom and all, this shmuck is her replacement. He says.


Pestilence: [To Mac] Really? [Looks at his hand, where those close enough can see written "Blonde slutty: Alice; Old Fart: Harvey; Nice smelling guy: Clint; Gay: Austin; Weasel: Dur; Other one: Titus"] Okay.

Alice: Wow, what big hands you have, Pestilence!

Pestilence: Yeah, and you know they're a sure sign of how big your [catches Helena's glare] er, feet are. [To Charlie] Ah, they're a bunch of idiots. What are the Watchers without a [clearly for Helena's benefit] beautiful Parker-Kensington in the mix?


Clint: Uh, yeah, so it wasn't her choice to take a break. [To Mac.] And yeah, yeah, no offense and all that.


Mac: [Indignation turns to blushing as Charlie calls him rather nice] Well, t-thank you, I g-guess.


Cordelia: [To Pestilence, disgusted] Ew, why are you dressed like THAT? You were a whole lot cooler on the TV show. I actually started to think Aunt Charlie might be cool, too, but now I can see you're just like all the other nerds she's dated!


Mac: [Not thinking] Well you can blame Leslie over there for Charlie's depar... [realises what he's saying and who to] Umm... n-never mind.


Jo: We don't call them nerds, sweetie. Remember, they're [finger quotes] socially challenged [/finger quotes] . [Sadly.] And none of them appreciated the cleansing power of a good crystal, either.


Austin : [To Cordelia] The leather does suit him, indeed! [To Pestilence] We were just talking about the visions, did you have one? [Glances around] I think it's just your's and Leslie's to go.

;;;;awa hame


Pestilence: [To Cordelia] Hey, nerds are people too. Wanna see a magic trick? [Picks up a knife from the table and stabs himself through the hand with it, not even flinching] Cool, huh? [To Austin] Not only did I not have a vision, Austin, I didn't even pass out. It was great, all those defenceless people lying everywhere, why, I, uh, I had a great time helping them up once they recovered.

;;; Leslie did give his, btw


Charlie: [To Pestilence, intrigued] You didn't? How interesting! [To Helena, trying very hard to make conversation] What do YOU make of that, Mother? I wonder if that means only humans had visions, but perhaps no demons?


Helena: I don't know, I'm not in the habit of socialising with demons.

Pestilence: And who would blame you, with all that maiming and killing that goes on!


Clint: On the other hand, they're apparently great for dating and carrying on illicit affairs with, if you're into that sort of thing.


Charlie: [To Helena, stung] Mother, please try to keep an open mind. Surely by now you must have some idea of how much he means to me, given what I've risked to be with him!


Austin : It is hardly illicit, neither of them are married to someone else, [To Charlie and Pestillence] Are you? Death certificates not withstanding of course.


Ashley: Oh come now mother, surely you must see what a good match they are for each other?

Mac: [To Helena] Mrs. Parker-Kensington, perhaps this is one battle it would be prudent to withdraw from.


Austin : [To Charlie] Come now, strong family bonds take some time to form, and your mother has just invited Pestilence to take your fathers seat, very welcoming indeed, considering the circumstances. Perhaps you could tells us about your wonderful library, we are, after all, always on our mission, and we do have a prophecy to translate.


Helena: A prophecy? Well, you know who's excellent at translating prophecies? Deuce, to whom Charlie was engaged. He's a professor and the Chief Advisor on Science and Stuff for the government. He comes from a very good family. [To Pestilence] Do you know Deuce?

Pestilence: Sure do. I stabbed him through the ham once.

;;; He's referring to Book VI, Act XI, when Pestilence initially

;;; tried to kill Deuce, before they ended up becoming

;;; friends.


Charlie: [Laughs nervously] But they soon became great friends, once they got to know one another better!

Cordelia: [In a fine sulk, watching Austin and Gertrude flirting] Ick, do we HAVE to talk about libraries and prophecies and science and all that Watcher junk?! This party is soooooo boring! Let's reveal more family secrets!


Jo: What a groovy idea, Cordy! Secrets just weight the aura down anyway, and fill you with negative energy and bad karma! Who'll go first? Charlie, maybe you want to start?


Pestilence: Great idea! Come on, Charlie, what secrets have you got to spill?


Charlie: [To Pestilence, playfully] Don't be silly, darling. You already know all of my secrets.


Clint: [Frowns.] Are you sure that's a good idea, Chuck? He's still a demon, you know. Even if he has helped out of a jam or two by killing everyone who gets in our way.


Charlie: Mr. Scar, I know this isn't easy for you [looks around the table] --any of you--to understand, but I've never been more sure of anything in my life. [Smiles at Pestilence, starry-eyed] I know him, and I trust him completely.

Cordelia: [Whining] Come ooooon! Anyone?! Surely someone else has an embarrassing secret. Uncle Ash, don't you have another hooker story or two in your closet?


Leslie : [To Charlie] I hardly think that this is an appropriate time and place to tell the world of your sworded debauchery and criminal actvities. There are little ears present, may I remind you.


Pestilence: [To Clint] If I have to kill a couple of baddies to help the cause of all that's good and right, why, that's a cost I'm happy to bear. [To Charlie] Sure, *I* know all your secrets.

Alice: I have a hooker story, Cordy! It was when I was on holiday in Dementia with my family, and myself and Daddy went out for a walk along the beach. When we got back to the hotel, they wouldn't let him in because they thought he was with a hooker! [Laughs, but suddenly stops and looks serious] Hey!


Ashley: Me? No, no my dear. I find the paparazzi far too annoying, and they love such scandals. I keep my [stresses] PUBLIC nose clean [winks at Cordelia] .

Mac: Where does Mr. Deuce reside these days?


Pestilence: [Leans forward and looks at Leslie] Hm.


Helena: I believe he lives in Queens View. He has a very important job there.


Charlie: [To Mac] Not to worry, we have already consulted Deuce regarding the prophecy, and he was most helpful. [To Leslie, incredulous] What debauchery? You really have become a twisted little man if an expression of love and respect seems like debauchery to you!

Cordelia: Oh, let's hear about the debauchery! That sounds good!


Clint: If there's one thing I don't want to hear about, it's Charlie's telling us about her "sordid debauchery and criminal activities." Let's get back to embarrassing someone else - like Les, for example!


Charlie: [Head held high] I haven't anything [glares at Leslie] sordid or criminal to discuss, but there is something I think it is time I told all of you. [Joins Pestilence at the head of the table. Reaches under her elaborate lace collar and draws out a chain with a ring on it. To Pestilence, handing him the ring] Here, darling, why don't you put this back where it belongs? [Holds her hand out to Pestilence, smiling happily at him]


Leslie : [To Clint] What do you mean, 'like Les'? My name is Leslie. [To Charlie] I am terribly sorry sister, but Pestilence is a demon, and once a demon, always a demon. I suspect that he is merely pretending to be inlove with you in order to get a translation of this prophecy you speak of, or has some ulterior motive, at the very least. He is a demon, after all.


Pestilence: [Takes the ring, before looking to Leslie] No one cares what you think, Les. [Puts the ring on Charlie's finger] Much better!

Alice: What the hell? What does this mean?


Charlie: [All smiles] It means we intend to spend the rest of our lives together. We were married this morning!


Helena: [Shocked] Married?

Gertrude: Married?

Ruth: Married?

Cordelia: Married?

Harvey: [Waking up] Married? [Falls asleep again]

Leslie: Married?

Alice: Married?

Austin: Married?

Clint: Married?

Dur: Married?

Mac: Married?

Jo: Married?

[The door opens. Enter TITUS.]

Titus: Married?

[Exit TITUS.]

Helena: Married?


Ashley: Well, well! My sister hitched. Congratulations, although I am a little hurt that you didn't invite us.

Mac: [A little more aware of how everyone else will react than Ashley] Yes, congratulations, I suppose. Although you'll face difficulties I'm sure you'll be able to overcome them together. [To Helena] Nothing like lo...


Charlie: [To Helena] Yes, Mother. This isn't quite how I'd hoped to tell you, but I do hope you can try to be happy for us.


Jo: [Clearly a little dubious, but trying.] Well. Welcome to the family, Pestilence! Uhh... here. [Hands Pestilence some herbs.] Maybe these, plus my sister, can mellow you out!

;;; Married?


Charlie: [Smiles gratefully at Ashley and Jo] Thank you!

;;;Heh heh!


Pestilence: Thanks, Sis!

Helena: What do you think your father is going to say about this?

Pestilence: I'm thinking "Well done for landing such a fine catch, Charlie, you've done this old man proud."


Ashley: [Scoffs] Sorry Pestilence, old chap, but I'm afraid given our fathers behaviour this evening that might be a tad over optimistic. [To Cordelia] I say, Cordelia, you [smirks] and your parents must be happy you have a Demon for an uncle. [Slyly, looking round to Pestilence] Perhaps he would be kind enough to babysit one of these days?


Pestilence: That would be gear! I love kids; I plan on having a family actually. You know, create some demon spawn that will take over the earth, that kind of thing. [Eats some of his food, before looking at the horrified faces around him] Er, I mean, who'll go to a good university and become a jolly good watcher!


Ashley: [Laughing] Oh Pestilence, you can tell a good joke!

Mac: [Makes a small amount of forced laughter before whispering to Charlie] I don't think he was joking.


Alice: Well, I think we should have a toast. To the happy couple! [Holds up her glass]

;;; Out for two hours!


Mac: [Raising glass] Hear, hear!

Ashley: [Also raises glass and awaits speech eagerly]


Austin : [To Charlie and Pestilence, very happy] Congratulations! [Raises his glass]

Leslie : [To Charlie] How could you! You know that father is not in the best of sorts right now. [Rolls his eyes]


Charlie: [Glowing] Why, thank you, Mr. Sleaze! Your support is most appreciated. [Smiling at Pestilence] Naturally, we will love our children regardless= of their chosen profession. Though certainly any daughters would like follow in the footsteps of most women in our family!=


Gertrude: [Holds up her glass to Charlie] May you and yours be safe.

Helena: Oh my goodness, with all this fuss, we nearly forgot Nanna Willa's birthday! It's almost time for cake!


Mac: [Quietly to Charlie] Who blows out the candles? Come to think of it, how many candles need blowing out?!


Charlie: [To Mac] It's all just for show, really, but isn't it a nice tradition? When they fell in love, Grandfather Reynard built Bodenringham Manor fo= r Nanna Willa, so every year we pay a little tribute to her.From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with HTTP; Thu, 10 Mar 2011 04:23:58 -0800 (PST) Date: Thu, 10 Mar 2011 12:23:58 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTimFSCmhMRAuT7ZN9Xp-TkePDsDNLwr7M06rJMz6@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, TomHenderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: That's really nice, and hardly creepy at all!

Helena: [Gives Alice a glare, but says nothing] Right, all into the birthday room. [To the party] This is only for those with Parker-Kensington blood in their veins, so you can wait in the sitting room. Ruth will show you where it is.

[Exit the PARKER-KENSINGTONS (including CHARLIE), leaving the party, RUTH and the servants behind.]

Ruth: Well, that was an exciting announcement! Come on, let's go.

;;; End of scene, next one coming right up


[Book VII, Act VII, Scene VI. The Sitting Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY, MAC, PESTILENCE, WILLIAMS and RUTH are here, having just arrived. There is a selection of coffees and brandies available which WILLIAMS starts to serve up.]

Ruth: [Clearly unnerved by Pestilence] Well, let me officially welcome you to the family. Er, welcome!

Pestilence: Thanks Ruthie, I'll try not to eat Leslie.

Ruth: [Alarmed] What?

Pestilence: Just jokin', sis! [Gives her a big hug, that clearly lasts too long for her liking]

;;; With Charlie out for the moment, Heather will

;;; post for Ruth


Ruth: [Moves away from Pestilence as quickly as possible and sits on the opposite side of the room] Everyone please enjoy some refreshments while we wai= t. [Awkwardly looks around the room then timidly asks Pestilence, trying to make conversation] So, how did you and Charlotte meet?=


Mac: [Taking a drink] My, my, what an interesting dinner that was! I do wander what everyone is up to?


Pestilence: [In a conversational tone to Ruth] She stabbed me through the heart back when I was an angel. It condemned me to two hundred thousand years of hell and made me a demon, but we can laugh about it now.

Alice: [Nods at Mac's words] I know, what gyp! I thought we'd get cake!


Ruth: [Horrified, but trying to be polite] Oh, well. That's nice? Er, Leslieand I met at church.=


Mac: [Genuinely interested] So what's it like to be a demon?


Pestilence: I'd give it about an eight. The killing and maiming is great fun and all, but once I met again, well, suddenly it seemed less fulfilling.

;;; By again, he's referring to when they met in this time period,

;;; which is just a few months ago.


Ruth: [Dubiously] What do you mean? Being with [skeptical emphasis] Charlotte has inspired you to be a better man?=20=


Mac: Why not? In the short time I've known her she seems a perfectly decent, yet strong woman to me. Who knows how hard it is to influence a demon?


Ruth: [To Mac, primly] You've only just met her. [Pleasantly] But you seem like a nice boy! And so young, for your accomplishments! What's your secret??=


Mac: [Blushing furiously] Umm... well, you er... you know how it ummm.... er yea... So... [turning to Pestilence] Demon... killing... yea... Charlie?


Pestilence: It's not so much that it makes me a better man, rather a worse demon.

Alice: So, is it just me, or is it a little unusual to celebrate the birthday of a corpse?


Ruth: [Disapprovingly] It's revolting, but what can one do? [In a low voice] When Leslie inherits Boderingham Manor, he'll put a stop to it. He only tolerates it now to appease his mother. [Quickly] Who is a [enormous emphasis] lovely woman!


Mac: [Jumping on the chance to change the subject] Oh yes, Alice! Well pointed out. It was very strange wasn't it?


Alice: So they do this every year?

[The party can overhear some singing, clearly coming from the next room. It is the FAMILY, singing.]

Family: Happy Birthday to you!


Mac: [Incredulous] Singing to a dead person now?! Their either going too far or are up to something else!


Ruth: Going too far, I think. [To Alice] And, yes, it's the same every year! I only wish they would make as big a fuss about their eldest--and might I add LIVING--son's birthday!


Dur: [Wakes with a start!] You mean that woman was dead?! Maybe that kiss we shared was a tad inappropriate then...

;;; Awww man! I missed the end of the scene! Dur was going to cast SPEAK TODEAD :p=


Mac: Yes... well... quite. Not wanting to speak ill of anyone but your husband... [leaves the sentence hanging]


Austin : Although, from you Mr Dur, it was not entirely suprising.


Family: [From the next room] Happy Birthday to you!

Alice: Dur, even if she was alive, it would still be inappropriate!


Ruth: [Primly, eyeing Alice's dress] Inappropriate seems to be an apt theme for your little group!


Mac: [Puzzled] And why would it be inappropriate if she were alive?


Alice: Would YOU want to kiss Dur? [To Ruth] Sorry about that, Ruthie, we looked but it seems like all the ass-sticking-up poles were gone.

Family: Happy Birthday Nanna Willa....

Pestilence: [To Ruth] So, why's Les such an ass?


Ruth: [Insulted] He is no such thing! He is a decent, hard-working, respectable man. It isn't HIS fault that YOUR wife feels the need to constantly provoke him!


Mac: [Looks at Dur briefly] Oh right! Yes, it would be inappropriate when you put it like that. [Laughs at the ass-sticking-up poles comment]


Mac: [Pointedly to Ruth] May I point out that it WAS your husband who had Charlie fired on a mere technicality?


Ruth: He was merely doing his job. If civilized people didn't follow the rules, we would all be like him [points at Pestilence] .


Pestilence: He did WHAT? [Crushes the glass in his hand, showering the party in glass] I'm going to kill the fucker!

Family: [Super cheerily] Haaaappy birthday tooooo [pause] yooooooou!

;;; Gone for 40 mins


Austin : He is clearly driven by jealously, small mindedness and a desperate need to please his mother. [To Ruth] And I don't know why you defend him so, he treats you with barely concealed contempt.


Ruth: [Yelps and jumps behind a couch for protection. To Pestilence] Stay away from Leslie. He was only doing his job!


Austin : [To Ruth] No he was not. He was clearly not acting in the best interests of the watchers, he was clearly not giving sound advice to the Watchers Council, which is what the Watcher Counsel are supposed to do, appart from the really boring accounting that is their main remit. [To Pestilence] He is really not worth it old chap. He is merely a bitter and twisted failure who envys Charlie, her achievements and position. He just wants is mother to love him, but he is a complete an utter failure. [Sips his brandy] Poor dear Ruth here is much to good for him, but sadly he is the hand that feeds.


Pestilence: I don't know, I don't like when people mess with Charlie.

[The singing continues, still to the tune of "Happy Birthday".]

Family: Some special virgin tears for you.


Ruth: [To Austin, composing herself] Thank you, Mr. Sleaze! I thought perhaps you were a disturbed, child-loving pervert, but I am glad to see you are a gentleman! [Watches Pestilence warily and stays behind the couch]


Austin : [Looks concerned] Why virgin tears? That's the kind of thing a demon would like [To Pestilence] No offence.


Alice: [To Ruth] Can't he be both?

Pestilence: [Shrugs at Austin's words] None taken, I'm partial to the occasional swig of virgin tears myself.

Family: [From the other room] And some eyes that've turned blue!


Ruth: [Wrinkles her nose in disgust at Pestilence] I'm not surprised you make virgins cry, but I am surprised you leave any virgin you come into contact with unsoiled!


Clint: Huh. Well, at least you should fit right in to this family! These guys are messed up!


Mac: Oh come now Ruth. He's a married man. Would you say the same of Les?


Pestilence: [To Ruth] Who says I'd ever leave any unsoiled? I gave 'em something to cry about!

;;; Remember, Darius made reference to the fact that the

;;; Virgin Room at Ixi was the Virgin Building until he

;;; and Pestilence visited


Clint: [Snorts, amused.] No? He might leave any virgin he comes into contact with repulsed, though!


Ruth: [To Mac, with a sniff] I hardly think marriage vows matter to a demon!


Pestilence: You hardly think, that's your problem!

Family: [Still singing] Powdered snake horn and some goat's blood....


Clint: [To Pestilence.] They're not singing their way through some kind of freaky demonic ritual to revive the old bat's corpse for a day, are they?


Ruth: [To Pestilence, haughtily] I must say, Leslie is NOT going to be happy when he hears how you've spoken to me!


Pestilence: [Ignores Ruth] No way, Clint. After the disaster they had reviving [points at Ruth] that old bat's corpse, they'd never try again. Anyway, I didn't see any whale knuckles, so it's unlikely.


Ruth: [Listening to the song] Thank goodness, it's nearly over! [Glares at Pestilence] I do not think I could tolerate much more of your monstrousness. One would almost pity Charlotte, if one could not clearly see that she brought this upon herself. [Self-righteously] One only hopes that once you have used her and cast her aside, she will have the good sense to keep well away from the rest of us, so that the good family name might not be further sullied!


Clint: [Shrugs.] Let's face it. Once you've got "consorting with demons" and "ritualistic feasts involving dead people," there's nowhere to go but up!


Pestilence: [Smiling at Ruth] Wanna bet?

Family: For Nanna Willa's special brew!

[The party hear the family cheering and applauding. The door of the sitting room opens, from the opposite direction of where the singing was coming from. Enter TITUS.]

Titus: Married?

[Exit TITUS.]


Ruth: [Moves close to Mac] Young man, could you please escort me until I can safely rejoin my husband? He should be here any minute now.


Clint: [To Pestilence, struggling to make conversation.] So, where's the honeymoon? And how many people you plan on killing while you're on it?


Mac: [Surprised] Oh, er.. erm... yes, certainly [offers her his arm] . [Mouthing to Pestilence, out of view of Ruth] Please don't hurt me.


Pestilence: [Shrugs] Couple of dozen, I suppose. It depends on my mood. [To Mac] Don't worry, I won't hunt you.

[The door leading to where the singing was coming from opens. Enter HELENA, GERTRUDE, CORDELIA, JOE, LESLIE, CHARLIE and ASHLEY, who's pushing NANNA WILLA on a wheelchair. Everyone is full of good cheer, and are wearing party hats and are covered in streamers and the like.]

Alice: Well, I'm sure glad nothing weird happened!

;;; You can post for your family member again now. As

;;; far as they're concerned, they've done nothing weird,

;;; and the birthday song is just a tradition that's been

;;; handed down for years.


Charlie: [Cheerily, slipping an arm around Pestilence] Having a good time, darling? [Glancing at the party] Everyone getting along splendidly, I hope?

Cordelia: [Grabs a glass of brandy and slumps into the couch, pouting] Are we done yet?!

;;;Thanks for the loan of Ruth, Kevin!


Leslie : [Looking smug and selfrighteous] I must say, buying the party streamers from Bullworths was rather frivolus, I saved the Watchers 0.001 gold crowns on their Christmas party by buying the same product from Crown Strechers.


Gertrude: [Nods at Leslie] And they are only .0001% less fun! [To Cordelia] Oh, come now, Cordy, you always enjoyed Nanna Willa's birthday.

Pestilence: [Holding onto Charlie] Having a marvelous time. Ruth was telling us all sorts of interesting things about Leslie.


Cordelia: [To Gertrude, sulking] Yeah, but now it's over, and I'm sooooo bored!

Charlie: [To Pestilence, amused] That seems rather unlikely, given the subject of conversation. [In a low voice] You've been a wonderfully good sport tonight, but perhaps we should have a quick nightcap and make our exit? [Big smile] This is still our honeymoon, after all.


Jo: [Hands Charlie a pretty rock.] Then you'll definitely need this, Charlie! Guaranteed to prevent unwanted accidents. [Pauses.] Although I have to ask you to respect the spirit of the bed. He's awfully sensitive, you know.


Pestilence: Sounds good, Charlie, but I just need a few words with Leslie.


Leslie : Well Cordy darling, it's way past your bedtime. Perhaps mummy will make you hot coco for being so well behaved tonight?


Charlie: [To Pestilence, surprised] Of course, though I cannot imagine why you want to do that! [Takes the rock from Jo] Thank you, dear, but remind me, how does one respect the spirit of the bed, again?


Cordelia: Daaaaddy, it's still really early! I'm not a little kid! [Spots Mac and goes to talk to him] Are your parents this embarrassing?!


Leslie : [Suddenly very nervous,. To Pestilence] Chat with me? I am sure it can wait until tomorrow. I have a number of things that I have to finish before tomorrow. Watcher business. Terrribly important.


Pestilence: [Slowly stands up, although his normally menacing presence is somewhat compromised by his sweaters] No. It'll just take a second.

[There is a sudden, high pitched scream, coming from the hallway.]

Helena: [Locking the door that the family just came from] What on earth? [Looks around] Was that one of the maids?


Charlie: [Startled] Wait here, Mother! I'll go check. [Heads to the hallway[


Clint: Bet you're happy to have us here now! [Goes to check also.]


Austin : [To the Party] We had better investigate [Tries to wake Harvey]


[Just as the party try to get out the door, they find themselves blocked by CLARA, the maid, who's with WILLIAMS, the butler. CLARA is clearly upset.]

Clara: It's Martha! She's dead!


Charlie: What?! What happened? Where is she?


Martha: Out in the hall! It looks like she was beaten to death! Who could have done such a thing? Who? WHO!?


Charlie: [Gasps] How dreadful! There must be an intruder in the house! [To the family] Lock the doors behind us and stay together. We will search the house for this brute!


;;; Gah! I got the maids mixed up. It is CLARA who

;;; came in

Helena: Intruder? Perhaps we should account for everyone in this room first?

[Everyone turns and looks at PESTILENCE.]

;;; Tony's out this morning

Ashley: Er, Pestilence, old fellow, you didn't kill our maid, did you?

Pestilence: Did she have black hair?

Ashley: No, she had red hair.

Pestilence: Nope, not me.


Charlie: [Exasperated] How could he have killed anyone? He's been with us all evening. [To Pestilence] And do be serious, darling! This is no time to joke about maid-killing!


Austin : [Looks alittle suprised] Is ther a more appropriate time? [To Williams] Lets us pass there Williams, we must act swiftly lest the killer escape.

;;; busy this afternoon 12pm onwards


Williams: Of course! [Steps aside]

[The party, including PESTILENCE head out into the hall, just in time to see HENRY (the footman) flying through the air and smashing against a wall. They cannot see who or what did it, as they were out of view.]

Alice: Yikes! It doesn't pay to be a servant here, does it?


Charlie: [Gasps] Henry! [Grabs a heavy candlestick from a table and heads toward whatever threw Henry] Careful, group! He's very strong, whoever he is!


Pestilence: Hold on, Charlie, there's something monstrous in this house, [dramatically] and I don't mean me!

[HELENA and GERTRUDE exchange worried glances.]

Gertrude: I think we better go into the birthday room, don't you, Helena?

Helena: [Sigh] Yes, I suppose we'd better.


Austin : Or she. If Nana was raised from the dead we could be in a spot of bother. [Looks around nervously]

;;;;away now


Helena: [Sharply to Austin] She was most certainly not raised from the dead! [Unlocks the door that the family came through] Quickly, everyone in here.

[The room is richly decorated in wood, and has a huge pentagram painted in the centre, as well as candles all around. The presents that had been at dinner are on a table, beside a large metal dish, that clearly has been used to mix something up.]


Charlie: [Sets the candlestick down. Baffled] Mother, what's going on?


[Everyone goes into the room.]

Helena: [Gravely] This may shock you, but this is no ordinary birthday celebration.

Alice: [To the party] I never thought it was!

Helena: When Reynard met Wilhelmina, she was a demon. However, their love was so strong that all the evil from her was squeezed out, leaving pure good, which is why she became such a legend in these parts. Our family was blessed from that time on, although [glances at Ruth] the less pure our blood becomes, the less blessed we are.


Charlie: [Sighs dreamily] How romantic! Grandfather Reynard fell in love with a demon, too?! [To Pestilence] Oh, wouldn't it be too perfect if we named our first daughter Wilhelmina, after Nanna Willa?


Pestilence: Perf!


Mac: [Catching on the specific use of words] Wait, what do you mean squeezed out? That thing out there, is that the evil?!


Helena: [Wretchedly] Possibly. That's what the spell is for, to contain the evil.

Alice: [Putting on a party hat] Wait, you mean, this isn't her birthday at all?


Charlie: What?! So this hasn't been just a sweet little family tradition, year after year? [To Helena] Why didn't you tell me?


Mac: I... err... I may regret asking this erm... W-what happens i-if we don't contain it?


Charlie: Excellent question! And why didn't the spell work this time?


Helena: [To Charlie] We're telling you now! [To Mac] It is pure, concentrated evil. It will roam the countryside killing anyone and anything it can get its hands on. I think this might constitute an emergency. [Turns to a small piece of glass that has "Break in case of emergency" written on it, and smashes it]

[A small sign pops up from the glass that says "Emergency Detected."]

Alice: Well, I sure feel a whole lot better now!


Charlie: [Looks at the sign, starting to panic] Any other ideas, Mother? Grandmother? Is there anything whatsoever we can do to stop or slow, er, the Evil Essence of Nanna Willa?


Mac: [Voice becoming squeaky] Umm... yes... well... I err... I guess we need to ummm... deal with this?


Helena: Let's all just calm down a moment. The emergency glass has sealed off the house, so the Essence is trapped in here. However, we are also trapped in here with it.

Alice: How do you know it didn't just leave the house and is now rampaging across the countryside killing everything and everyone while the only people on the planet who know what's going on are trapped in a house with no cake?


Charlie: What a very worrying point, Alice! [To Helena] Is the Essence visible? Perhaps we can try to verify it is still in the house by using stealth and mirrors to peer around corners?


Mac: [Turning to Pestilence] Can demons sense other demons? And if so does this essence still count for those sensing purposes?


Pestilence: It depends on how close the other demon is. If it's close enough to see, then yes, I can sense it.

[There is another, high pitched, girlish scream.]

Gertrude: That sounded like Williams!


Dur: How many servants do you have that will keep the thing busy while we hastily formulate and escape... Errr... Rescue plan?=


[Everyone turns to look at CLARA, the last remaining servant.]

Helena: Clara is the last one, [Clara pales] but we couldn't let anything happen to her, [Clara breathes a sigh of relief] after all, who would pour our drinks then?

Gertrude: A better question is why didn't the binding spell work? [Looks at the contents of the silver dish] I wonder was one of the ingredients off?

Leslie: [Suddenly alarmed] Er, are we about the get killed in here? What's to stop her coming in? [Gets under a table and starts to surround himself with cushions] We're all gonna die!


Cordelia: [Rolls her eyes] Oh, Daddy! [To Mac] Couldn't you just DIE of embarrassment?!

Charlie: [Looks at the silver dish] Could we perhaps test them? Maybe we just need to replace something that has gone off. [To Pestilence, groaning] We should have known better than to buy those jellied eyes from a place called [finger quotes] Crazy Dave's Magicks and Stuff!


Ruth: [To Cordelia] Mind your father dear and help him with those pillows! You know his his tragic card accident flares!

Dur: I say we just sacrifice that guy [points at Leslie] and take his pillow fort for protection!

Ruth: [Aghast] You horrid man!

Dur: See!? She agrees!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with HTTP; Fri, 11 Mar 2011 07:07:29 -0800 (PST) Date: Fri, 11 Mar 2011 15:07:29 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTimw_LjiycE1argRzGnsA_p7XtXdUonZU_GdPgZA@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: [To Dur] Ready to storm the pillow fort?

Helena: Behave yourselves! There is no need to panic, we're safe as long as we stay in this room. The house was build on top of a Sanctuary, and if the Essence came in here and tried to hurt someone, it would be destroyed.

;;; A Sanctuary is just as Helena described. The party have

;;; been in them before, they are rare but not unknown.

;;; This is the first indoor one they've seen though.


Charlie: But Mother, where is Father?!


Dur: [Gets one of his rare ideas!] Is it possible that the baddie IS your father? You did say he had been acting awfully strange...


Charlie: Oh, NO! [Grimly] Mother, could the Essence somehow have overtaken and inhabited Father? How does the binding spell work, exactly?


Helena: [To Dur] Don't be ridiculous! [To Charlie] No, it doesn't work like that, it has a form of its own. He is in his study resting, someone needs to get him, but it is very dangerous.

Pestilence: I can help, Mom!


Charlie: [To Pestilence] Thank you, darling--and I'm coming with you, of course!


Mac: [To Cordelia, chuckling at Leslie] Yes, well quite! [To everyone] We [circles finger to show he means everyone in the group, but not the family] certainly need to and get Mr. Parker-Kensington but before we go [turning to Helen and Gertrude] we need to know how to stop that essence.

;;; Sorry for sporadic posting my first few days. I promise you all I'm

;;; normally much better at keeping up. TFI Friday!


Pestilence: [Playing up the hero] No, Charlie, you stay here and make sure that Leslie doesn't get too frightened. I'll get him.

;;; Nothing to apologise for Tony, the game is rarely this

;;; fast paced!


Charlie: [Concerned but very proud] All right, but do be careful!


Gertrude: [Takes a sword down off a display on the wall] Here, you might need this. [Tosses it to him]

Pestilence: [Catches the sword] Thanks Gertie!

[Exit PESTILENCE, shutting the door behind him.]


Jo: Well, *I* think that the power of positive thinking should be enough to get rid of the evilness. You know, we could have a sit in, sing Kumbaya, that sort of thing, and *bam* no more evil!


Mac: [Calling after Pestilence] W-wait! I t-thought w-we were all... [tails off as the door shuts] Oh!

Ashley: Never mind old chap! [Puts an arm around Mac and leads him back to everyone else] He's a bally demon after all. I'm sure he can take care of himself.

Mac: Oh, well, y-yes, I guess so... [To everyone] What are we going to d-do?


Cordelia: [To Mac, twirling a bit of hair around her finger girlishly] We could get to know each other better. [Bats her eyes flirtatiously] Mac, do you like my dress?

Charlie: [To Ashley] He can take care of himself, but [to Helena, pointedly] it was terribly brave of him to risk going alone, wouldn't you say?


Mac: [Jumping as Cordelia addresses him, blushes] W-well, ummm... err... yes? [Looks at Charlie pleadingly for help]


Gertrude: Yes, Charlie, very brave, but remember, Evil Cannot Resist.

;;; This is a saying that the party have been encountering in

;;; various forms since the visions came


Charlie: [Oblivious to Mac's distress. To Helena, hopefully] I mean, surely he isn't quite what you expected, is he, Mother?

Cordelia: [Moves closer to Mac] Wow, you have really nice hair. Can I braid it?!


Charlie: [Defensively] That's a rather ugly word, Grandmother. Surely it is more complicated than that. I accept he has done some terrible things, even purely evil things, but not that he is evil himself. If he were nothing but evil, how could he love me? And why would he bother marrying me?!


Ruth: Oh Cordelia leave the watcher alone! I know it seems terribly adventurous, but the real action is on the council. Just ask your father!=20

[Ruth looks to Leslie in his pillow fort. Dur has joined him.]

Dur: Don't you think we need to shore up that side?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id q5cs150619and; Fri, 11 Mar 2011 09:42:11 -0800 (PST) Received: by with SMTP id n55mr7397389wej.5.1299865330213; Fri, 11 Mar 2011 09:42:10 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <velangelus1@gmail.com> Received: from mail-wy0-f177.google.com (mail-wy0-f177.google.com [] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTPS id e14si8634136wer.189.2011. (version=TLSv1/SSLv3 cipher=OTHER); Fri, 11 Mar 2011 09:42:10 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of velangelus1@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of velangelus1@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=velangelus1@gmail.com; dkim=pass (test mode) header.i=@gmail.com Received: by mail-wy0-f177.google.com with SMTP id 28so2875935wyb.8 for <multiple recipients>; Fri, 11 Mar 2011 09:42:08 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:message-id:date:from:user-agent:mime-version:to :cc:subject:references:in-reply-to:content-type :content-transfer-encoding:x-antivirus:x-antivirus-status; bh=b/QEwgO261YKJrL8YrffzBp/yNpHHJfNTG9ayA3FAA0=; b=bo/nhroue3U8ZSgHPASltU/rQKkUaauAbCVSkDWi+LtuJZ63HVPrPGw0Bddm0JJ2QH Hwr0NuECFvOiMt8YGPkA8VnBj6DbtGiwDRsAM/36iKpsQ4KkBB3VEPAbqh7I4oZ7t++3 wtLftvQ1bLCR0XICfR5JJksa6mfvJYsIleTJgDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=message-id:date:from:user-agent:mime-version:to:cc:subject :references:in-reply-to:content-type:content-transfer-encoding :x-antivirus:x-antivirus-status; b=Ght6ktFuH60m1yXGxrxP7zfnlYE8Gjij9ZP27ywXY4QkptJXfycxHTBYeDtPc0vEs6 XbKy1/pXZFJ1I0HKWyHo+FaxaExeYdL7ZsXoDDAj1AdSMikkbULaOd6nrnfj/j4XkBts JV9wUJZq9TGG2eFMv3segozfHMXHa0jvsYY8oReceived: by with SMTP id w2mr8574245wby.77.1299865328839; Fri, 11 Mar 2011 09:42:08 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <velangelus1@gmail.com> Received: from [] (cpc5-hitc6-2-0-cust74.9-2.cable.virginmedia.com [] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTPS id o6sm3557415wbo.15.2011. (version=SSLv3 cipher=OTHER); Fri, 11 Mar 2011 09:42:08 -0800 (PST) Message-ID: <4D7A5EEF.3060007@gmail.com> Date: Fri, 11 Mar 2011 17:42:07 +0000 User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 6.1; en-GB; rv: Gecko/20110303 Lightning/1.0b2 Thunderbird/3.1.9 MIME-Version: 1.0 To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> CC: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com> References: <AANLkTi=E-QjtJGsRUMNefGYCOCE9yF=s1aukK+VGar7j@mail.gmail.com> <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176907A481DFDA@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> In-Reply-To: <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176907A481DFDA@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Antivirus: avast! (VPS 110311-0, 11/03/2011), Outbound message X-Antivirus-Status: Clean

it seems terribly adventurous, but the real action is on the council.

Mac: Oh... erm... yes, I... er.. I'd rather y-you didn't, i-if it's all t-the same to y-you, my umm... d-dear.


Leslie: [Screaming like a girl] Help! Help! I'm under attack!

Gertrude: Oh, Charlie. Why shouldn't someone evil love someone else? It's no more impossible than someone good doing something evil because they have to.


Charlie: [Firmly] He isn't evil, Grandmother. He has been fighting with us for some time now, and he is capable of enormous good. Another day, when things are calmer, I should like to tell you about how we met. [Suddenly] Wait, where did you hear that phrase, "evil cannot resist"? What do YOU think it means?

;;;Have a good weekend, guys!


Clint: Like telling ol' Les over there that the pillow fort will absolutely, guaranteed stop the essence of evil?


Gertrude: I think it means evil people cannot help themselves when presented with a tempting enough target. All Watchers knew it back in my day, but it has been forgotten as the Watchers instead try to find ways to contort the motives of those they watch into something good.


Mac: [To Cordelia, quietly and enthusiastically as he can muster in his nervous state] P-p-perhaps y-you should go h-help your f-f-father? T-that way he'll owe y-y-you one!


Charlie: So then, what evil motive do you think is driving Pestilence to help us?! He brought the prophecy to us, and he has provided as much assistance with the translation as he could offer. Not to mention the fact that he has saved us [looks at the party] --all of us--from certain death on several occasions.


Gertrude: Not all his motives have to be evil for him to be evil, Charlie. Evil often doesn't even have a motive.

[The door bangs open. Enter PESTILENCE carrying RUDYARD. PESTILENCE has clearly taken a beating, and is covered in cuts and bruises, while RUDYARD is barely conscious, and is raving about something being true.]

Pestilence: [Grinning with blood stained teeth] Whoo! Drunken fathers, angry looking women and dangerous demons attacking at random? Throw in a few virgin sacrifices and it'd be just like Philimas in the Sotot household!


Austin : [Helpfully] And he used to be an angel.


Charlie: [Goes to Pestilence and tries to help Rudyard to a chair] Poor father, what a time to be in such a state! [To Pestilence, worried] I shouldn't have let you go by yourself. How badly are you hurt?


Ashley: [Rushes over and takes RUDYARD from PESTILENCE, before carrying him to a couch] Father, are you alright? [To Pestilence] Well done, my good ma... demon!


[Between them, CHARLIE and ASHLEY get RUDYARD onto a chair. Everyone gathers around him, and can see that he has no wounds, but is very, very drunk.]

Helena: He'll be fine, let him sleep it off.

Pestilence: [To Charlie] I'll live, Charlie, but that's one angry Essence you've got there!


Mac: S-so, erm... what now? D-do we have what's n-needed to b-banish it?


Helena: We thought we did, that's what the ceremony is about, but something made it fail. [Frowns] I thought those virgin tears might have smelled a bit off.

Gertrude: I might have a way of testing the ingredients, but it's in my room.


Charlie: [Attempts to take the sword from Pestilence] Tell me where it is, Grandmother. I'll go and get it.


Austin : Can we possibly get rid of the essence by using it as a sacrifice? [Glances at Gertrude, then Pestilence]


Gertrude: As that would involve killing it, Austin, I'm afraid not.

Pestilence: [Pulls the sword out of Charlie's reach] Nope, you're not leaving here.


Mac: Well, i-if it is e-evil essence then, erm... would err... would killing it be ummm.. s-so b-bad?


Helena: Do stop stammering, you're a professional, act like one. If we could destroy it, we would, but we don't have the means to. It is far safer to simply keep it contained.


Charlie: Then we must find a way to make the spell work. [To Pestilence] This has to be done, darling. If you insist on coming with me, I cannot stop you, but I will not let you go alone again. [To the others] Perhaps the rest of you could help create a diversion, to draw the attention of the essence? That might give me enough time to make it to Grandmother's room.


Mac: [Jumps at Helena's rebuke] O-oh, erm... s-sorry!

Ashley: Oh mother! Do be a bit more considerate. Anyone could be scared in this situation, just look at Leslie [gestures to Leslie cowering in the pillow fort] .


Helena: I'd rather not, thank you very much.

Alice: [To Charlie] You mean, be the cannon fodder?


Charlie: No, I meant stay safely inside the sanctuary and throw vases and such out to attract the attention of the essence!


Austin : Perhaps we should make a plan. If we could distract the essence in the opposite direction, and at the same time run along a path that loops us back to this sanctuary, whilst perhaps two others get the test equipment? [To Gertrude] Does that sound plausible?

Leslie : [At seeing Pestilence all bloody. A wet patch forming from under the cushions. Crying, sobbing into a cushion] I don't want to die! [Sob sob] Mummy, tell the bad people to gooo!


Alice: Oh, well, that's much better. [Picks up a vase and throws it out the door, smashing it to pieces] Yay! This is fun!

Helena: [With a face like thunder] That was a priceless Ding vase!


Charlie: [To Alice, exasperated] In conjunction with a coordinated attempt to reach Grandmother's room, not just breaking things willy nilly!


Helena: Do be quiet, Leslie, or we will use YOU as the distraction!

Pestilence: It's probably not a good idea to split the party, this thing is strong. There are two doors out of here, right? Given that it didn't come to check out the vase breaking, I wonder where it is.

[PESTILENCE opens the door he and RUD came through (not the one ALICE threw the vase through). Outside is the ESSENCE, which looks like a huge monster made of thick, blue smoke. It smells disgusting and makes a very disturbing low growl.]

Pestilence: [Slamming the door shut] It's outside the door.


Charlie: [Unsettled, but trying to sound cheery] The other door it is, then! [To her family] Perhaps all of you could periodically break something, to keep it's attention focused here? [To Leslie] Or perhaps an occasional plaintive wail? [To Gertrude] What are we looking for in your room?


Leslie : EEeeek!

[A warm wet poo smell pervades the room]

Leslie : [Sniffles]

Austin : [Glancing at Leslie's cushion fort] Oh dear. [Sighs] How intelligent is it? Perhaps someone can keep it occupied at that door whilst the others go for the test gear?


Pestilence: I don't know, I tried asking it some trivia questions but it just hit me with a piano.

Gertrude: [Giving the fort a look that's a mix between pity and disgust] It's a wand, Charlie, in the third drawer of my dresser. It detects magic, it'll help us identify which, if any, of the ingredients didn't work.


Charlie: [Covering her nose and glaring at the fort] It seems we have our plan, then! [To Pestilence] Was the sword in any way useful? I can't imagine it did much against that!

;;;EW, Dom! : O


Austin : A piano. Hmm, so it is not a music lover [Chuckles at his own joke]

;;; aah, a classic brown trouser moment :)


Ashley: [Grabs CORDELIA'S hand and leads her away from the fort] Well, that seems to have ruined OUR play time! [To Leslie] Pull yourself together man!

Mac: [Clearly trying to stop his stammering, but failing] P-perhaps someone should g-go with C-Charlie?


Cordelia: [To Ashley, fanning in front of her nose frantically] Ick, Daddy, the monster smelled nicer! [To Mac, girlishly] Would you please get me something strong to drink? I think I might faint from this smell!


Mac: Er.. are, are you old enough? [Looks towards Ashley for approval]

Ashley: [Quietly to Mac and Cordelia] Just a small one [winks to Cordelia] .

Mac: [Surreptitiously pours two drinks, one with a little alcohol and lots of mixer, and one with only a little mixer. Hands Cordelia the one with a little mixer by mistake]


Austin : Right ...

[Interrupted by Leslie]

Leslie : [Clearly talking to himself] Leslie is a good boy, Leslie is mummy's favourite.

Austin : [Glances towards the cushion fort] The Essences appears to have vanquished one more victim.


Pestilence: The sword was useful in keeping it away, as it did feel the blows. The more weapons we have the better.

Alice: [Taking another decorative sword, but talking to Mac] We'll all accompany her. All the party and our scaredy cat watcher.


Charlie: [Takes another sword from the wall and hands one to Clint. To Mac, puzzled] Besides, I thought you had a glorious career to date?


Clint: [Now armed and ready to kick a little butt.] Nah. He probably just made it all up. You know how watchers are.

Jo: Poor Leslie. Here, I have something for that incontinence of yours. [Lobs a phial of purple powder over into the fort.]


Alice: Phial in the hole!


Jo: [Aghast.] No, Leslie, you're supposed to *swallow* it! Well, what's inside, anyway.


Charlie: [To Jo] Leave him be. Perhaps it will serve as a preventive plug against future accidents! [To the party] There are a few more swords on the wall there [gestures to one wall] and there is a display case of ceremonial daggers to the left [points to the case] . Everyone take a weapon at once, chop chop [claps her hands] !


[Everyone arms up.]

Helena: Be careful, the Essence is very dangerous.

Gertrude: And try not to break any more vases!

[Exit the party and PESTILENCE.]

;;; End of scene, next one coming up


Mac: [Gulps] A-All of us? Ummm... yes I g-guess I n-need to w-watch over you. [Resigning himself to his fate MAC grabs a sword, it clunks heavily too the floor as he struggles to lift it on his own.]


Las from me and Tony #7.6.135

[Book VII, Act VII, Scene VII. The Hallway. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY, MAC and PESTILENCE are here, having just left the Sanctuary. Everyone is armed, although no one has any armour. There are some stairs leading up to the first floor, where GERTRUDE indicated her room was.]

Alice: [Quietly] I guess we just sneak up and try not to make much noise? [Accidentally knocks over a vase] Oops!


Charlie: [Groans] So much for stealth! Perhaps we'd better run for it?


Austin : [Clutching a rather fine looking ceremonial dagger] That is a rather fine idea [Legs it swiftly towards Gertrude's room]


;;; Colin's taking a break

Harvey: Good idea, that man! [Immediately slips and falls, banging his head off the wall and falling unconscious]

Alice: Oh no! Let's get him back into the sanctuary!


Charlie: Harvey! [Grabs Harvey's leg] Hurry, group, grab a limb! Let's move!


Clint: You guys run for it! I'll carry him back and then meet you in Gertie's room. [Tries to lift Harvey.] Uhhh... and the doc comes with me, so he can reset my spine!


Mac: Allow me! [Seeing an opportunity, drops his sword with a loud clatter and grabs HARVEY under his arms before starting to slowly drag him back towards the sanctuary with much huffing and puffing]


Austin : Fiddlesticks! [Runs back to the party to help get Harvey back to the sanctuary]


Dur: No! Me! I insist!

[Together the party drag HARVEY back into the sanctuary.]

Helena: That was fast!


Charlie: Harvey took a spill, so we had to come back. [To Dur] Do have quick look at him, to make sure it isn't serious?


Dur: [Picks up a big stick and pokes Harvey with it] Let's see.

Harvey: Uhhhh.

Dur: He'll live.


Charlie: [Narrows her eyes] Why, thank you, Dr. Dur! [Cheerily] Right, let's try this again! [To her family] Could you all make a lot of noise and perhaps beat upon that [gestures to the door at which the essence appeared earlier] door for the next little while? We shall escape through the other door, in the meantime!


Austin : Okay, let's try again. Everyone ready?


Clint: Isn't modern medicine wonderful? [Gets his sword ready and tries the door.]


Mac: [Looks around before remembering he dropped his sword in the corridor] Umm... I s-seem to have err... lost my erm... weapon.


Charlie: [Grabs a dagger from the display case and hands it to Mac] Perhaps a more manageable weapon is in order?


Mac: [Blushes furiously before muttering:] Thanks.


Clint: Maybe you better stick in the back of the group, little guy. Let the rest of us handle any trouble, that sort of thing.

;;; Incidentally, I'm now secretly hopeful that Mac is, say, a master martial

;;; artist of some sort.


Alice: [Rolls her eyes at Mac's reaction] That'll never do, Charlie. [Takes a newspaper and rolls it, before handing to Mac] There, that's better!

;;; I sure hate to disappoint you, Tom...!


Charlie: Do give him a chance! At least he hasn't [takes a quite, discreet sniff near Mac, just to be sure] soiled himself. Now, come along, group!


Mac: [Taking offence at Alice] I say! There was no need for that! I'm just not accustomed to... [catches himself and stops mid sentence] erm... large swords [he finishes lamely] .

;;; Definitely hasn't soiled himself ;)


Leslie : [Pleadingly, softly] Bitty mummy. Bitty.

;;; okay okay, it's an in joke about breast feeding :)


Gertrude: It looks like the Essence came around to the door you came back in through, so why don't you go out the one that leads into sitting room?

[The party head out, with PESTILENCE and CLINT in the front, followed by ALICE and CHARLIE, then DUR and AUSTIN, and finally MAC.]

Alice: Can we go through the kitchen? I'd love a sandwich!

;;; Oh my GOD! Somehow you've found a way to make

;;; this even worse!!!


Charlie: [To Alice, whispering] NO, we cannot, and do keep quiet this time! We cannot afford to lose another member of the group, under the circumstances. [Glances at Dur] Well, perhaps one, but NO MORE than that!


Clint: This isn't the time for a sandwich, Bimbo. We've got a magic stick to find!

;;; On the bright side, he's single-handedly making Mac manly!


Austin : [To Alice] Perhaps it would be better to wait until we have dealt with the Essence. [Winks at Alice]

;;;; Well you did give me a very, very detailed character description :)

;;;; for those who have not heard of this it is from a sketch on

'League of Gentlemen'.

;;;; British comedy at it worst :)

;;;; In the sketch an adult man says 'bitty mummy' at the dinner table

just after finishing a meal

;;;; with his parents and fiancee. His mother obliges and the man

begins breast feeding....

;;;; yes it is as disturbing as it sounds!


;;;; how the hell are you meant to sort that lot out?!

Mac: [Loudly] Sshhhhhh! [Overacting the whisper] We don't want to draw the e-essence here!

;;; Yay! Manly Mac hehe.


[The party quickly move through the sitting room and into the main hall, where they quickly head up the stairs.]

Alice: You know, it's cool having all the toughies at the front and all, but what happens if the Essence is still downstairs and attacks us from behind?


Charlie: Not a bad point, Alice! [To Dur and Mac] Here, swap spots with us. You'll be safer in the middle! [Moves to the back of the group]


Mac: [Eagerly moves into the middle, thinks for a second then says] But what if it attacks from above? Can't you guys be in the front, middle and back?


Charlie: [Wearily] Well, you shall just have to hope it doesn't come to that! In the meantime, could you at least PRETEND you are fit to take my place in the group?!

;;;Heh heh--very funny!


Clint: Don't worry, kid, all you have to do is be kind of bossy and marry a demon and you're 70% of the way there!


Mac: [Embarrassed into action] Oh er... I'll lead! [Makes his way to the front]


Charlie: [To Mac] Do stop fidgeting! We'll never get there if we keep changing the marching order. [To Clint, with a snort] Typical! You dismiss a decisive and confident woman as being merely bossy, and then condescendingly suggest that her identity is chiefly defined by her marriage. [Gleefully] Oh, the studies I could quote you that effectively illustrate the correlation between male chauvinism and sexual dysfunction!


Clint: "Stop fidgeting," she says. Not bossy at all. [Snorts himself.] Chuck, as Connie Jockran once said, "If the details fit, you must admit!"


Charlie: [To Pestilence, exasperated] Darling, do give Mr. Scar a swat on the arm for me or he may never stop rhyming at us! [Quickly] Gently!!


Pestilence: [Arm pulled back and fist made, but stopping himself before it's too late] I don't do anything gently, Charlie, you should know that! [A little self-consciously] Well, except make love, of course.

Alice: [To Austin] Oh my god, I think I'm gonna be sick. [Watches Mac make his way to the front] We're all going to die, aren't we?


Charlie: [To Alice] We are NOT going to die. [Smiles dreamily at Pestilence, still talking to Alice] And the physical expression of love is a beautiful thing, so do grow up.


;;; Tony is having mail problems, this is from him:

Mac: [Shaking like a leaf] N-no fear everyone! I'll m-make sure nothing g-gets us.

Alice: That makes me feel a whole lot better. [Stops and looks back] Uh, did any one else hear that?

[A terrible groaning sound comes from downstairs, behind the party.]


Charlie: Hurry, group! Grandmother's bedroom isn't far!

;;;That's my three!


Austin : It sounds like Grandma is not one for soppy love stories either.

;;;; busy day, conference tomorow, meetings thursday, Texas Friday,

back on the 28th :)


[The party break into a run, up to the top of the stairs and along to the left. They can see the ESSENCE appearing at the bottom of the stairs, before it floats up to the landing, so it is right in front of the party.]

Alice: Get him, Mac!


Charlie: Or drop and roll out of the way, at the very least! [To the party, sword out] I suppose we'd better charge past, group!


Austin : [Holds his dagger ready to fight] It is very very fast, be careful!


Mac: [Suddenly glad he pushed his way to the front before] W-would love to A-Alice, dear, b-but I'm n-no w-where near.

;;; It came up behind us, Mac is now the furthest away ;).


;;; Please ignore my last post. I completely misread where the Essence

;;; came from.

Mac: [Shocked at being closest cowers back into the party] H-help!!!


;;;Damn sneaky Essence!

Charlie: [To Mac] Give it a good whack with your dagger! [Tries to join in the fight]

;;;Hey, Conor, is there enough room in those massive

;;;expensive manor hallways to accomodate everyone

;;;coming at the Essence at once?


[The ESSENCE gives another deep growl, but doesn't yet attack, instead giving the party a chance to organize themselves.]

;;; Of course!


Mac: [Voice going very high pitched] Err... [to Charlie] w-women and demons f-first? [Cowers behind Pestilence]


Pestilence: Chaaaarge!

[Each of PESTILENCE, CHARLIE, CLINT and ALICE attack the ESSENCE, forcing it backwards, as their weapons do seem to impact it, although not cause it much damage. In return, it slams PESTILENCE to the ground.]

;;; Pestilence lose 20hp


Austin : [To Mac, indignantly] Perhaps you should go and join Leslie in the cushion fort. I believe that his mother has two breasts, so you could have one each. [Readies his dagger in a fighting stance, but behind Charlie and Pestilence, naturaly]


Mac: [Seeing Pestilence slammed to the ground Mac stands up straight, tries to compose himself an mutters a few word. Attempting to cast Magic Missiles at the Essence]


[Several jets of fire fly from MAC's hands and slam into the ESSENCE. It seems more annoyed than hurt.]

Alice: Maybe we need to slip passed it?


Mac: [Looking amazed] I... I did it? I did it! [Looks at essence haughtily, expecting it to be hurt badly, before realising he's just annoyed more] Ah... um... run?


;;; Sporadic posting from Kevin today

Dur: [Looks behind the party] Back down the stairs? Great idea!

[The ESSENCE gives another huge roar, and somehow picks up a nearby table which it throws at the party, hitting CLINT and AUSTIN with it.]

;;; Clint lose 15hp, Austin lose 12hp


Mac: No! We need the w-wand! [To Pestilence] Hold it... [realises who he's talking to] p-please?

;;; Which way and how far to Grandma's room? Is the Sanctuary marked on

;;; the map it or is that the original one we just came from?


;;; Her room is just behind the Essence, while the sanctuary marked on the

;;; map is the room downstairs where the family still are.

Pestilence: Hold what? [Grabs Mac by the throat] And without s-s-stammering!

[The ESSENCE charges the party again, knocking each of ALICE, PESTILENCE, CHARLIE and MAC to the floor, causing PESTILENCE to let go of MAC.]

;;; Alice lose 13hp, Pestilence 14hp, Charlie 10hp, Mac 11hp.


Charlie: [To Pestilence, sharply] Let him go! [To Mac] But, yes, do stop stammering! You need to pull yourself together and run for the wand while we keep the Essence busy. Hurry!!


Mac: What do you mean hold what? HOLD IT! [points to the essence before sprinting towards Grandma's room]


Charlie: [Attacking the Essence] Come on, group! Just a bit longer!


[ALICE joins MAC dodging passed the ESSENCE, who hits both CHARLIE and PESTILENCE.]

Alice: [Almost at the door] We're here!

;;; Charlie lose 14hp, Pestilence lose 17hp


Charlie: [To Alice] Hurry, get the wand! We can't take much more of this! [Keeps fighting the Essence]

;;;Is this http://queens-view.com/hp.php

;;;the current HP tally?


Alice: Uh, what does it look like again?

;;;; Yes!


Charlie: [Calling to Alice, still fighting] I don't know! I've never seen it. Just like a bit of polished stick, I suppose? She said it's in the third drawer of her dresser.


Austin : [Will try to get an opportunitistic stab at the Essence, from behind the Charlie/Pestilence meatshield] Take that!


Mac: [Rushes into the bedroom an opens the third draw in the desk] Wand... wand...


Alice: [Accompanying Mac] Huh, that's some pretty racy underwear for a grandmother, isn't it?

[ALICE and MAC continue to rummage through the drawer, until MAC pulls out what appears to be a wand. Meanwhile, the ESSENCE attacks again, but a combination of PESTILENCE, CHARLIE and AUSTIN push it back.]


Mac: Wand... Wand... Wand! Let's go. [Grabs Alice's hand and rushes back out into the hallway]


Charlie: [To Mac and Alice] Well done! Hurry, now back to the sanctuary!


Clint: [Looks from Mac to Alice and back.] You sure those two got the right little wooden stick, Sarge? [Tries to stay between the Essence and the party while retreating to the sanctuary.]


Charlie: [Confidently] Certainly, Mr. Scar! Alice is a seasoned adventurer, and Mac, uh--successfully cast a spell earlier! [To Alice, less confidently] Er, be a dear and let me have a quick peek at the wand, just to be sure!


Clint: [Still trying to keep the Essence away from the rest of the group.] And make it snappy!


Charlie: But do be careful and don't drop it!


Mac: I've got it [brandishes wand]


Austin : [Relieved] About time too! Let's go.


Charlie: Splendid! Let us go to the sanctuary immediately!


;;;Your GM is afk, but he should be around soon!


[ALICE and MAC come out of the room, but the ESSENCE immediately bears down on them, smashing against them and knocking them both back against the wall. The others follow it, hacking and slashing, but it has little effect. The wand, however, glows when the ESSENCE hits it.]

Alice: Ow! [Calls out to the party] I think it might be magical!

;;; Alice lose 11hp, Mac lose 8hp

;;; Back! Took the long way into work this morning!


Charlie: [Tries to get between Mac and the Essence. To Mac] Stay back! I don't think you can take another hit!


Mac: [Dazed and panicky casts Wind Wall between himself and Essence]


Austin : [To Mac] Use the wand Mac! Zap it!

;;; the long way to work? Is that the route that goes past the pub? :)


Charlie: There's no point! It can only indicate whether or not something is magical. [Keeps fighting the Essence, trying to push it back away from Mac]


;;; They ALL go past a pub!

[The spell pushes the ESSENCE back a bit, but, unfazed, it simply rolls over those behind it, crushing them as it does so, before positioning itself between the party and the stairs.]

;;; HP loss: Austin: 10, Charlie 12, Clint 13, Dur 15, Pestilence 12

Alice: Crap! We'll never get past it!


Charlie: [To the party, following Mac] Come on, group. Maybe we can confuse it and make another attempt for the stairs in a bit!


Mac: [Panting] To get in front of us it had to have some up other stairs. There must be another way back! [Runs a little faster looking frantically for another set of stairs] [To Charlie] Isn't this YOUR house?


Austin : Perhaps it came through the floor? It is a kind of a ghost is it not?


Alice: Or maybe it floated up onto the landing here!

[The party run, but the ESSENCE pursues and is clearly faster. It hits PESTILENCE from behind and sends him flying into the others, so that they are all in an untidy heap in the middle of the floor.]

Dur: [Panicking] We're all gonna die!

[The ESSENCE doesn't move in though, and instead stays just back from the party, hovering.]


Charlie: [Scrambles to get back on her feet, watching the Essence warily] What is it doing? Resting? Or just toying with us?!


Mac: It's growled at us before, perhaps it can communicate?


[The ESSENCE gives another blood curdling growl.]

Alice: I think it's saying that it wants to kill us, or maybe it's asking for a breath mint. [Waves her hand under her nose] Ew, essency breath!


Austin : It must want us to do something for it, otherwise it would surely just kill us.


[The ESSENCE gives another growl, and starts smashing up nearby furniture, including some rather nice looking vases.]


Charlie: [Skeptically] Well, I suppose I can try to talk to it, given that it is my ancestor! [Cautiously takes a small step toward the Essence, sword in hand] Hello, Nanna! I should very much like to get to know you better, if you are feeling less, uh, cranky now? Is there something you want?


Austin : She does not appear to be able to speak. Perhaps some form of charades style communication would be appropriate? [Watches the Essence] She certainly does not like the decor.


[The ESSENCE roars again, and charges at CHARLIE, but stops inches away from her, spreading itself out, but not getting closer.]

Alice: It's not really Nanna, though, is it? Just the evil that was in her, right? That charades thing is a good idea, Aus. [To the Essence] Right. [Holds up her fingers to indicate twenty four words]

[Not surprisingly, this merely serves to enrage the ESSENCE further.]


Charlie: [Jumps back, startled. To the Essence] Fine, then see if I ever bring you any jellied eyes again! [Looks around] Wait a minute! I think we're over the birthday room. [Delighted] The sanctuary must extend upwards!


Alice: Yay! So it can't touch us? [Stands right at the edge] Let's taunt it!


Charlie: [Pleased] Indeed, we could use a brief break after what we've been through! [To Dur] Could you please see to Mac right away? He's in no shape to go any further. [To Pestilence, worriedly taking a look at his bruises and cuts] You've taken a lot of damage, darling. Are you all right?


Austin : [Straightening his cuff. Sighs] Must you? Can't you see that the creature is in a state of torment? [Looks around the floor] Perhaps there is a secret trap door to the room below, into the sanctuary?


Mac: [Slumped against the wall, dazed] W-what just happened? [Sees the essence] EEEK!


Dur: I think we just managed to escape the Essence for the time being. The question is, what do we do next? [Casts Cure Serious Wounds: http://dungeon= s.wikia.com/wiki/SRD:Cure_Serious_Wounds on Mac] From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with HTTP; Wed, 16 Mar 2011 06:22:56 -0700 (PDT) Date: Wed, 16 Mar 2011 13:22:56 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTinvFX+a7xE26rzMjCi29Er4ehPOqZStGpK+Kc8Z@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

[MAC's whole body glows for a moment, before most of his wounds heal.]

;;; Gain 17hp Mac

Pestilence: [Puts his arm around Charlie] I'll live, babe. We do need to figure out how to get down though.

Alice: [Sulkily to Austin] I don't *have* to. [Looks at the floor] I don't see any trapdoor, unless it's under the carpet, of course.


Charlie: [Reluctantly] I suppose we had better rip the carpet up and see what's underneath, though Mother will be furious! [Tries to rip up the carpet using the tip of her sword]


[CHARLIE destroys the beautiful carpet, and the party rip up a square roughly the size of the room below. There is no trapdoor, unfortunately, just a wooden floor.]


Charlie: [Looks at the floor with a sigh] Mother won't love this, either, but I suppose we could try to hack our way through? Or maybe pry the boards up? [Tries to pry a board up with her sword]


Austin : [To Charlie, chuckling] This is an emergency, you have several dead staff downstairs, so I don't think a bit of torn up carpet is going to bother your mother. [Looks at the floor] Why don't we make a trap door. Mr Scar, can you cut a hole in the floor with your sword?


[The party oblige, and start hacking away at the floor which, although thick, can be cut through. Pretty soon, they can see some shafts of light shining up.]

;;; Out for at least an hour!


Charlie: Well done, group! [Tries to call down to her family] Hello down there! We have to come through the ceiling, so do stay clear!


Last from Heather

Rudyard: [=46rom below] Oh my god, this is unbelievable! She's going to destroy the floor?

;;; still stuck in a meetingFrom qvblogger

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To: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>

Cc: dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>,

"Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>,

Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>,

Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>,

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Charlie: [Calls down to Rudyard] Sorry, Father, but this was our only choice! We've all taken quite a beating, and this is the most direct route back to you. [Brightly, to the others] Well, at least he's making more sense now! I suppose he's sobering up. [Goes back to hacking at the floor]

;;;Poor old Conor!


Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

Last from heather 98

Alice: I don't know, I think I preferred him when he was unconscious! --Apple-Mail-2--139078053 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit


Austin : [Standing back watching the others work, impatently] We could just hand the wand through one of those holes, then Gertrude could get on with identifying the problem.


Alice: Good idea, Aus! Come on, Mac, poke it through.


Charlie: [Calls down to Gertrude] Grandmother, Mac is going to hand the wand down to you so you can get started with the testing, and we'll be down ourselves shortly! [Takes a break from hacking at the floor while Mac makes the hand-off. To Pestilence, teasing] Still having fun? Perhaps the next time I suggest you give a Parker-Kensington family event a miss you'll listen to me, hm?


Austin : [To Mac] Be careful and gentle!


Mac: [Carefully lowers the wand through the hole until he feels someone grab it] So we just s-sit here whilst they test everyt-thing?


Austin : Either that or we continue to make the hole in the floor large enough for us to get through. Once the wand is safely out of the way, naturally.

;;;;awa hame


Alice: Huh, I hope it's the right wand, I sure wouldn't want to have to ask the Essence if we can go back for a second try!

;;; St. Paddy's day tomorrow, so no posting

;;; until Monday!


Charlie: [To Alice] I very much doubt asking would do us any good at all! [Starts hacking at the hole in the floor again]


Clint: [Helps with the hacking.] Haw! [Has what is probably not a terribly bright idea, flexes his door-kicking foot, and tries to kick through the weakened section of floor.]


[CLINT gives the floor a good boot, and a crack appears.]

Alice: Yay! Let's all do it! [Stomps on the floor too.]


Charlie: [Joins in the stomping] Excellent, Mr. Scar, but group take care to stop when the floor begins to give way! We want to make our way down rather more carefully than simply falling through and crashing to the ground!


Clint: [Encouraged.] Look out below! [Renews his attack on the floor.]

;;; A sentence I never expected to type, by the way.


Pestilence: [Loudly, over the sound of the smashing floor] What?

[The floor gives way, sending the party crashing through and landing unceremoniously below, covered in dust and rubble. The family are still here, that is, RUDYARD, ASHLEY, HELENA, GERTRUDE, RUTH, LESLIE, CORDELIA, JO and LESLIE.]

Rudyard: Oh for God's sake! What is wrong with you people?


Charlie: [Drags herself to her feet painfully. To Rudyard] Oh, Father! Do you really think we wanted to do that?! The Essence was killing us, and we had to stay within the sanctuary. [To Gertrude, hopefully] Have you identified the faulty ingredient??


Jo: [Helpfully.] We probably just didn't have the power of positive thinking on our side!

Clint: [Holding his aching back.] Screw the power of positive thinking!

Jo: See?


Ashley: Oh my! Is everyone alright?

Mac: [Coughing and dusting himself off, sarcastically and slightly hysterically] Oh yes, we're perfectly alright. We've just ran through the house being chased by a murderous essence, been beaten half to death and then smashed through the floor!


Rudyard: Unbelievable! [Paces the room] Unbelievable!

Pestilence: [Leaps to his feet] Hi, Dad! [Gives Rudyard a big toothy grin]

Rudyard: Oh! Oh! You have got to be kidding me!

Helena: [Sighs] Please, stop a moment. All the ingredients are fine, there must be something else causing the binding spell to fail.


Cordelia: [To Rudyard] Aw, come on, this is the most fun we've had all night! [To the party] Can Uncle Ash and me have a go next?! [Smiles flirtatiously at Mac] You can come, too.

Charlie: [Slips an arm around Pestilence. To Rudyard, gently] Father, as you've no doubt already been told, this is my husband, Pestilence. Perhaps we could save further discussion about this for later, after we're all out of mortal danger? [To Helena] Could the Essence have found a way to cast a protection spell of some sort? Surely it hasn't any allies!


Rudyard: [Sarcastically] Surely not! After all, someone would have to be some sort of demon to want to help the Essence, wouldn't they?


Mac: [To Cordelia, completely missing the flirting] My dear, let me assure you. You do NOT want to go out there!


Rudyard: [Does a double take on Mac] What? What the? Who the hell is this and why is he trying to have sex with my granddaughter?

Pestilence: [Helpfully] I could throw him out to the Essence if you'd like.



Charlie: [Under her breath, to Pestilence] Not helping, darling! [In a normal voice, clearly getting angry] Father, I hope that you are not suggesting that Pestilence had anything whatsoever to do with the Essence escaping? He risked his life to put you safely in this sanctuary, and he has nearly been beaten to death fighting the Essence with us!


Clint: Beside, he was with Charlie all night! [Pained.] I think he's innocent on this one.


Rudyard: [Angrily to Clint] Really? And who the hell are you to come into my house telling me my business?


Mac: Sleep with C-cordelia?! [Blushes] Well I... erm... that is... err... she is very p-pretty but... err... not m-my age... umm... that is t-to say s-she is erm... a b-bit t-too young.


Cordelia: [Delighted] You think I'm very pretty?! [Eagerly goes to kiss Mac on the cheek]

Charlie: [To Clint, gratefully] Thank you, Mr. Scar. [To Helena and Gertrude] So, what should we try now? Could we try casting another spell to see if we can determine a cause of interference, perhaps?


Mac: [Blushes even deeper] Oh! Erm... t-thank y-you.


Rudyard: Get your hands off my granddaughter!

Helena: [To Charlie] We can use the wand to see if [glances at Pestilence] smuggled some magic item in to dampen the spell.


Cordelia: [To Rudyard, dramatically clutching at Mac] Leave us alone! You'll never understand our love!

Charlie: [To Helena, stung] What possible motivation would he have to do that? [Crosses her arms defiantly] And if Pestilence is going to be checked for magic items, everyone must be checked, as well!


Rudyard: Great idea. Let's start with this group of strangers who just disgraced themselves on national TV!

Pestilence: [Getting irritated] Fine by me, Dad.

[HELENA waves the wand all over PESTILENCE. When she passes over his crotch, it gives a loud "whoo!"]

Pestilence: Click-click!


Charlie: [Trying very, very hard not to smile at Pestilence] Well, at least we know the wand works!


Rudyard: [To Mac] You! You're next!


Charlie: [To Rudyard, annoyed] Do stop harassing my colleagues! [Steps up to Helena] Mother, I must insist that you check ME next!


Mac: [Trying to extricate himself from Cordelia] N-no, Charlie. [Looks defiantly at Rudyard] I'll go next.


Dur: [Pulls out his pastrami sandwich with no more pastrami and starts munching on it] Well, as long as we're safe for the moment...=


Rudyard: [Glares at Mac as Gertrude wands him, but there is no sound] I'm keeping my eye on you! [Points at Dur] Him next!

;;; Dom is away this week

Austin: Really, there is hardly any need for this level of finger pointing. I can assure you that no one in our party has interfered with your ceremony.


Dur: [Through a mouthful of stale sandwich] Not on purpose anyway. We oftenfind that just being present is often an interference...=


Rudyard: That doesn't surprise me.

[DUR is wanded, but nothing happens.]

Rudyard: Who's next?

;;; We have a new player coming in tomorrow, that's John.

;;; Please make sure he's on the mailing list from now on.


Dur: [Giggles a little, spraying Rudyard with bits of food] It tickles!

;;; That is my three. And welcome Josh! Wow what a busy month for Queen's view!


Charlie: [Firmly] I am.

;;; Welcome, John!


Mac: [To Rudyard] I think you should be next. Why are you so suspicious of everyone?

;;; Welcome John :). Wohoo! I'm not the new boy any more.


Rudyard: I don't care what you think. I'm suspicious because this ceremony ran without a hitch for hundreds of years. Then you people came in. [Waves the wand over Charlie.]

[The wand glows brightly and gives an unmistakable "whoo".]


Dur: [Peering over Rufyard's shoulder] Well? What does that mean?


Charlie: [Puzzled, looks at her hand] My ring? [To Pestilence] Darling, I didn't realize you'd given me a magic ring?


Mac: Oh my! Charlie?


Rudyard: Magic ring? Oh for- ! [To Helena] Can you identify what the ring is?

Helena: Oh dear. If it's what I think it is, it's a magic dampening ring, it would prevent the wearer from casting any spells.

Rudyard: [Enraged] Why? [To Pestilence] Why the hell did you give her that?

Pestilence: Because we're married.

Rudyard: No! Why did you give her THAT ring?

Pestilence: [Shrugs] Got it off a jeweler, he didn't say anything about it being magical.


Dur: [Puts his hands on his hips] On he di'nt'.=20

[Tries to cast Zone of Truth: http://dungeons.wikia.com/wiki/SRD:Zone_of_Truth]

Dur: Really Pesty? You had NO idea?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id hv2cs31691qcb; Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:56:05 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=heather.goggans@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [] ) by with SMTP id wi18mr9637506icb.489.1300722964533 (num_hops = 1); Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:56:04 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type; bh=q9So9DYsu/FtvZ/33Y6KyQKgqufVX7MQKniHYtB22t0=; b=Vp40jx+41QwMXbmJSck8dIvdg9hx2Q5Apd9Vs6b3Qzpb426ZdDvtfosEQKTX6GWeb7 k/JM3EP+3YBpsAxaV5v8WZH7/R2JZkWW5AFMhywcdN6m9wmxtWPp6bk0jUwqnbo9saKL AuS8fXwLrcIJrfPjHdsaJWAGECLoVOOnoL/igDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=JM2oTeC2yykrUnPNr+26iLSsuHQRoEZVXHpu9SI7PWgQiAMho3oNGUuEkA4lqoKUvN StQuWZpir295pqXV5VfjrOlpogAWF2A5eTy0bS74aFhNhCIf4endAIQAIiayotMGvwlN uzprev8ylL0sG9qaX4tG1KsAokwrG4XJKhBicMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by with SMTP id wi18mr6844865icb.489.1300722913725; Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:55:13 -0700 (PDT) Received: by with HTTP; Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:55:13 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2011 15:55:13 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTikVOT9TiRvShmn4yY150p0WZvPa9Yi6TwOE4wRa@mail.gmail.com> To: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> Cc: Vel Angelus <velangelus1@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, "john.ludlow.uk@gmail.com" <john.ludlow.uk@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: [To Pestilence, horrified] How careless of him! He really should have disclosed that. [Reluctantly slips the ring off of her finger. Sheepishly] It appears I was the culprit, then. Shall we try the spell again?


Clint: [Struggling to believe Pestilence.] And this jeweler, is he still alive to corrob... corro... back up your story?

;;; Welcome John!


Pestilence: [To Clint] Nope. [To Dur] Nope.

Rudyard: Unbelievable! [Grabs the ring from Charlie, and smashes it with a convenient metal pot] There!

Pestilence: [Unhappy with this] Hey!


Dur: [To Rudyard] Well that seemed a bit unneccessary, especially when I was perectly capable of disenchanting the ring without destroying it... Oh bu= t [gives a conspiratorial wink to Rudyard] I get it! This kills two birds with one stone. Destroy the enchantment and make your daughters marriage ill= egitimate!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by with SMTP id hv2cs31724qcb; Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:56:34 -0700 (PDT) Received: by with SMTP id y37mr1793605ebn.149.1300722994351; Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:56:34 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <velangelus1@gmail.com> Received: from mail-wy0-f179.google.com (mail-wy0-f179.google.com [] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTPS id w3si6219030eeh.91.2011. (version=TLSv1/SSLv3 cipher=OTHER); Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:56:34 -0700 (PDT) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of velangelus1@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) client-ip=; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of velangelus1@gmail.com designates as permitted sender) smtp.mail=velangelus1@gmail.com; dkim=pass (test mode) header.i=@gmail.com Received: by mail-wy0-f179.google.com with SMTP id 26so5491374wyj.38 for <multiple recipients>; Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:56:32 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:message-id:date:from:user-agent:mime-version:to :cc:subject:references:in-reply-to:content-type :content-transfer-encoding:x-antivirus:x-antivirus-status; bh=wEkdhZG7p/OXDGeyf3ms9w9/orkwAkBRurzFgKYe2Rk=; b=a+46wlCD79TrFknVuw+mmTSWiGnHe6+Ni1eO7/LGsyNZWiW6HrmFwp+5b/qd/739qJ Aj7o6E/5K7KuQkz6I6gTnxMn537d6iZ7CdhkyTOtDH7ED0/eQWykmJK9rbAqwxpx1SA0 JLLvoVv1Oh1KfED/QWdYqwt014FklDAQMURKwDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=message-id:date:from:user-agent:mime-version:to:cc:subject :references:in-reply-to:content-type:content-transfer-encoding :x-antivirus:x-antivirus-status; b=SdDbZNd7xehlP0oKq4zIsg36Rl2KiQ4cQAf957217YkhAEFi3BJRaHA5rLt3CYq8Kj CKvX+YzG9G3boA0AsaBDlNYY+Cr0Fm+QV7nXxgtbyF4SR9lA+EaNivv7tnH5cqgGQySS Evf0te0VE7TlZky/oWH3JW7+vKUB3ITAbjRWUReceived: by with SMTP id fe21mr4235340wbb.205.1300722989222; Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:56:29 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <velangelus1@gmail.com> Received: from [] (cpc5-hitc6-2-0-cust74.9-2.cable.virginmedia.com [] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTPS id h11sm2813764wbc.26.2011. (version=SSLv3 cipher=OTHER); Mon, 21 Mar 2011 08:56:28 -0700 (PDT) Message-ID: <4D877530.3010107@gmail.com> Date: Mon, 21 Mar 2011 15:56:32 +0000 User-Agent: Mozilla/5.0 (Windows; U; Windows NT 6.1; en-GB; rv: Gecko/20110303 Lightning/1.0b2 Thunderbird/3.1.9 MIME-Version: 1.0 To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> CC: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, djmalzie <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, QVBlogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, "john.ludlow.uk@gmail.com" <john.ludlow.uk@gmail.com> References: <AANLkTinVz9UvcCoJ9HVF+ZuTCsi+0GqR--Z7Kpc=GSK0@mail.gmail.com> <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176907A48EF658@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> In-Reply-To: <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176907A48EF658@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit X-Antivirus: avast! (VPS 110321-0, 21/03/2011), Outbound message X-Antivirus-Status: Clean

Mac: W-we had best continue to scan everyone, j-just in case.


Pestilence: [Steps up very close to Rudyard] You're starting to piss me off, Rud.

Rudyard: And your ring nearly had us all killed!

[The wanding continues, but no one else sets it off.]


Charlie: [To Rudyard, shocked] Father! [Dismayed, picks up the broken ring. To Dur] It certainly doesn't make our marriage illegitimate!


Charlie: [To Rudyard, upset] It wasn't his fault! [To Pestilence, soothingly] It's all right, darling. We'll get it fixed.


Jo: [Placatingly.] To be fair, Daddy, the ring mostly just almost got our guests killed, so that's okay then, isn't it?


Dur: Ummm... I may be able to fix it for you Chuck. After we get the spell back on track and we're out of the house, of course.=


Gertrude: [Stepping between Pestilence and Rudyard] Well said, Dur. We need a bit of peace and quiet to cast the spell.

[Everybody stands back, and GERTRUDE and HELENA stir up the mix of ingredients and mumble an incantation. There is a terrific howling sound, and the ESSENCE flies into the room, almost knocking the party down, and disappears into a small silver container on the table.]

Alice: Yay! And they all lived happily ever after!

Rudyard: [To Charlie] You idiot! What did you think was going to happen when you got mixed up with him?

Pestilence: [Draws his sword] Okay, I've had enough!


Charlie: [To Pestilence, looking at the sword] Darling, put that away. [To Rudyard, getting very upset] Don't speak to me like that!


Clint: C'mon, Pesty, killing your wife's father may be tempting, but what'll the little lady say?

Jo: [Brightly] I know! We should just all sit in a circle and talk about our feelings in a supportive, safe environment!


Ashley: Father, don't forget that Pestilence did save your life.


Mac: T-that's an idea Jo. [Sits down cross-legged and looks expectantly at everyone]


Dur: [Shakes his head at Mac] I feel hungry! Come on Pesty, lets go get some grub! Bring that ring too and I'll mend it right up for you!


Pestilence: [Slowly puts his sword away] Okay, I'll come with you, Dur, but [sternly to Rudyard] don't you speak to her like that again.

Rudyard: I'll speak to her any way I want! Married? You two must be out of your minds! Charlie, if you think you're going to stay in the will after this, you're even stupider than I thought!

Pestilence: Right! [Draws his sword again]


Charlie: [To Pestilence, urgently] Put the sword DOWN! [To Rudyard, choking back tears] How can you speak to me this way?! I've only ever been a loving, supportive daughter, and I've always made you so proud! And you're prepared to just push me away for good because I've disappointed you ONCE?


Rudyard: Once? [Hollow laugh]

Pestilence: I've had enough of this! [Punches Rudyard and knocks him down]

Alice: [To Clint] Holy crap! Let's stop him! You too, Mac! [Leaps onto Pestilence's back]


Dur: [Exasperated] Oh for Phili's sake! We're just going around in circles now! [Dur tries to cast Enthrall: http://dungeons.wikia.com/wiki/SRD:Enthra= ll to get everyone's attention] Chuck, Pesty, Honestly, what does it matte what the old man thinks? Honestly if you thought he would meet you with any= thing BUT disapproval why did you run off and get married in secret? And Rudyard, Obviously you already have one demon in the family tree [Leans his e= lbow on granny] What's one more? And why can't we use the same ritual to suck all the bad out of Pesty?

Dur: What is wrong with everyone? Isn't Love the most important thing? Or so I've heard...


Charlie: [Attempts to grab Pestilence by the arm] Darling, no! [Crying, extremely upset] Please just go and calm down, and leave us try to calm Father. I'll come to you first thing in the morning, I promise. [Gives Pestilence a kiss] Go, darling--please.


Mac: [To Alice] You seem to be doing OK there by yourself. Besides, I think he has a point! [To Helena] Perhaps it would be best to split everyone up before this goes any further?


Pestilence: Okay, I'll go. [Points at Rudyard] Mark my words, if you hurt her, you'll regret it. [Storms out, but stops at the door and looks over his shoulder at Alice] You want to get off?

Alice: Sure. [Climbs down off his back]


Rudyard: [Being tended to by Helena] Animal! He's nothing but an animal! Charlie, what the hell is wrong with you that you'd bring him in here? What?

Helena: [Nods at Mac's words] Yes, perhaps we should all retire for the evening before someone says something they'll regret?


Charlie: [To Rudyard] There's nothing wrong with me, Father. As someone who has devoted her life to being a Watcher, and coming from a long, proud tradition of Watchers as I have, do you think I would have chosen to fall in love with a demon if I had a choice? I love him. I'm sorry that upsets you so much, but there's nothing I can do to change that, or the way I feel about him. You WILL have to find some way to accept that.


Mac: [Angrily to Rudyard] It takes a lot to rile me, Sir, but perhaps you could look at the facts. Your namesake married a demon, the essence of said demon caused the problems tonight, not your daughter or Pestilence. In fact, far from cause problems that "animal" saved your life, risking his own, and if it wasn't for his help it's a fair bet we'd all be dead right now! Apart from stand there complaining stinking of drink what have you done?!


Alice: In fact, he saved the whole world way back in the past!

Austin: That's true, and he has been of much valuable assistance to the party.

Rudyard: Unbelievable! [Looks around] Who the hell are you people? Out! Get out of my house! [To Charlie] I'll tell you how I'll deal with accept your insanity, I'm going to cut you out of the family. You are disinherited, and no one will ever have any dealings with you again. Everyone in society will know how stupid you are, and, when he eventually kills you, because we all know that this is the only way it will end, no one from this family will even go to your funeral!

Gertrude: I probably will.

Rudyard: I don't care!


Charlie: [To Rudyard, stunned] Then I suppose I shall have to find a way to accept that. [To the party, numbly] Group, I should like very much to retire now. [Goes upstairs]


Ashley: [Horrified] Father! Now don't you think it's taking it a bit too far? [Goes to stand next to Charlie in support] Mother, please talk some sense into him.

;;; Fantastically timed comic relief, Conor.


Rudyard: No! No retiring! I want you out, out on the street!

[Exit the party.]

Gertrude: Really, Rud? Don't you think you're going too far?

Rudyard: No, Gertrude, not far enough! I'm going into my study to change my will this very second!


Leslie: [Still hiding under the cushion fort] Does that mean I inherit everything?

;;; End of scene, next one coming right up


Jo: Hey! This is supposed to be a safe circle! No hurtful words inside the safe circle, daddy!


[Book VII, Act VII, Scene VIII. The Party's Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, and MAC are here, packing their stuff.]

Alice: [Awkwardly] Er, so, your family seem nice, Charlie!


Charlie: [Smiles ruefully at Alice] Thank you. [To the party] And I know many of you, perhaps all of you, still have serious reservations about Pestilence, so it means the world to me that you would defend us both so vigorously, despite that. I don't know how I would have gotten through this horrible evening without your support.


Mac: [Hugs Charlie, returning to his usual bashful state now he's calmed down] I-erm... I know we haven't known each other long but er... well, n-no one deserves t-that. He s-saved our lives!


Alice: Agreed! I mean, Pestilence is a demon and all, but your Dad was totally out of order.

[The sound of a blood curdling scream comes from downstairs.]


Charlie: [Grabs her sword and rushes for the stairs] Hurry, group!


[The party run downstairs, where they see the rest of the family gathering at the door of RUDYARD's study. The party push their way to the front and see that PESTILENCE is here, and that it appears though he has hacked RUDYARD to pieces using a huge ceremonial axe. There are pieces of RUDYARD everywhere, and PESTILENCE is covered in blood.]

Pestilence: I told him that he'd regret it if he hurt her.

[Everyone passes out and falls to the floor, unconscious.]

;;; End of Book VII, Act VII. Next one coming up

;;; tomorrow lunch time