06.01.001

[Book VII, Act VI, Scene I. The Fish Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and TITUS are here, in a room that is decorated entirely with fish. The walls are covered in (dead, but not yet rotting) fish, the furniture is covered with fish and the curtains are made of fish. The party are all lying around on fish couches, slowly waking up.]


;;; When you're ready to do a post, just start your post with your

character waking

Alice: [Stirring, and slowly sliding off a slippy fish couch and onto the ground with a squelch on the fish carpet] I think there's something fishy about all of this!

06.01.002

Austin : [Comes rounds sniffing] What is that fishy smell [opens his eyes and looks around] Oh, my god! [stands up wobbling on dead fish, disgusted at the fish slime dripping off himself]

06.01.003

Alice: Oh my God! Austin! Look! [Points at him] Are -- are you wearing a -- a t-shirt?

[Not only is he, so are the rest of the party. Everyone has garish luminous yellow t-shirts with "Team Sane" written on them, as well as large personalised badges, apparently in the shape of The Realms, with their names written on them in big, friendly letters.]

06.01.005

Dur: [Sniffs as he wakes] Hey, who's wearing Mother's perfume.From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Sender: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.96.204 with HTTP; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 06:11:57 -0800 (PST) Date: Wed, 12 Jan 2011 08:11:57 -0600 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com X-Google-Sender-Auth: sv7NxZCqGkM9nkUtj8xzF7rJRMc Message-ID: <AANLkTi=Mz8WS7=AG3qDrfS7tpFgtRjw+hQuG9pBY5XT5@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1


;;; Ew! Nice and weird, Kevin!

Alice: You?

06.01.007

Charlie: [Pushes herself to her feet, looking around the room in disgust] What is this dreadful place? And why are we all dressed like a suburban workpl= ace-affiliated sporting team?!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.96.204 with SMTP id i12cs388979fan; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 06:47:45 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.213.32.67 with SMTP id b3mr3999875ebd.77.1294843663939; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 06:47:43 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received: from MARSHAL4.ul.ie (marshal4.ul.ie [193.1.100.137] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id w11si1894928eeh.52.2011.01.12.06.47.42; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 06:47:42 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 193.1.100.137 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com) client-ip=193.1.100.137; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 193.1.100.137 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass (test mode) header.i=@googlemail.com Received: from garryowen.csisdmz.ul.ie (Not Verified [193.1.97.39] ) by MARSHAL4.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d2dbe940002>; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:45:40 +0000 Received: from MARSHAL4.ul.ie (marshal4.ul.ie [193.1.100.137] ) by garryowen.csisdmz.ul.ie (8.13.8/8.13.8) with ESMTP id p0CElgBo015800 for <conor@mail.csisdmz.ul.ie>; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:47:42 GMT Received: from staffexchange7.ul.campus (Not Verified [193.1.101.32] ) by MARSHAL4.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d2dbe940001>; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:45:40 +0000 Received: from MARSHAL5.ul.ie ( [193.1.100.135] ) by staffexchange7.ul.campus with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.4675); Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:45:40 +0000 Received: from mail-wy0-f181.google.com (Not Verified [74.125.82.181] ) by MARSHAL5.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d2dbe940000>; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:45:40 +0000 Received: by wyf22 with SMTP id 22so669256wyf.26 for <conor.ryan@ul.ie>; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 06:47:41 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type; bh=S27opRSu7Zd8HoU3lzmBwm/LbBzdOl49CS1K9DZmq4k=; b=HprQSaq287oEQAODd+wWCGCbQCQqN6ViRXrstB+cmwmUgsUPkNWPZUvQufKvbHomVr DFllIYVuczBsruy/jcI5yuc2Rlr1Nk68FiEgwQtpRTDAma+FHzy3/HnnnIwDgWNG3b/S Wj6UrUb4O0O6dy4j8F+3vZScVRd3zEWjNpFpoDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=QU/IU7jPlTbtmXhHUBxbOamKWHBbwpX89NbdxtOHT2rx/bFv2Mbv+cU6vlg/6f9vLy RdkpjNtLBUI7ccfz/k/OaHfeZF30DBDva3qhv5oueux5/BRDxIFFvhmIIw4ZYMq2j0t8 vQmyKLO33lTrbQLrgsV6PDY5LM88UoyL+x87EMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.89.204 with SMTP id c54mr3937190wef.109.1294843661223; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 06:47:41 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.216.88.146 with HTTP; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 06:47:41 -0800 (PST) Date: Wed, 12 Jan 2011 14:47:41 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTimCVm17DicQPHtSQt3xenKMASCZV6QSaK+Umq_X@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.ryan@ul.ie>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 12 Jan 2011 14:45:40.0353 (UTC) FILETIME= [61DE5F10:01CBB267]

Austin : [Horrified] Nooo! This must be what it feels like to be a prole! [Starts weeping miserably]

06.01.008

Titus: [Smelling the fish] I wonder if it is sushi grade .....

06.01.009

Alice: Maybe it was when it was fresh, but this stuff is a long way from being fresh! [Gets bitten on the finger by a fish] Aiieeee! [Knocks it off and calms down] Well, except that one. So, we're all on Team Sane? Whoever has us here clearly knows nothing about us. [Tries to console Austin] There, there. [Wipes his tears with a fish]

06.01.010

Titus: [Shaking his head] : This is wrong. Last thing I am is sane.

06.01.010

Austin : Thanks Alice [Dabs his tears with the fish then realises what it is] Aaaagh! [Drops the fish. Sighs] That was such a lovely suit.

06.01.011

Alice: Nope, the last thing you are is not reeking of fish! [Looks down at her badge and reads it] Ecila? What that hell does that mean?

06.01.012

Titus: It is your name spelled backwards.

06.01.013

Alice: Why would they put my name on backwards, when all of yours are put on forwards? Except, Dur's of course, which is spelt wrong.

[It's not, it's correct.]

06.01.014

Austin : [Starts looking around] I do hope that there is a shower and a good tailor close by.

06.01.015

[The fish covered door opens. Enter WINKY PINKERTON, a woman in scanty clothes.]

Winky: Ah! You're awake! Excellent!


;;; Heather is afk

Charlie: Awake and highly annoyed!

Winky: Perfect! [Gives Charlie a Palin-esque wink]

06.01.016

Charlie: [Shudders] What is this place? And why are we dressed like this? And why are YOU dressed like THAT?=

06.01.017

Winky: [Gives Charlie a wink] Because I'm perky! My name's Winky Pinkerton!

Alice: Perky Pinky Winkerton? I think I'm going to be sick!

Winky: [Still nauseatingly perky] Not on the sofa -- we just had it washed!

06.01.019

Dur: [Sniffs the couch] With what? Fish Sticks?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Sender: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.96.204 with HTTP; Wed, 12 Jan 2011 09:13:23 -0800 (PST) Date: Wed, 12 Jan 2011 11:13:23 -0600 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com X-Google-Sender-Auth: QOVmhvOuFPZJ55stDKavrrxBy98 Message-ID: <AANLkTinb5HBUzhrfSRCbpQig4=6hq7HdV4J2iu6zYWD+@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com>, TomHenderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Winky: Don't be silly! We just took the fish out of the water!

06.01.020

Clint: [Decides to stop playing dead.] Aaaand... left them on the floor in here as a snack?

06.01.021

Winky: [Mock scoldingly] No! That's the carpet!

06.01.022

Clint: What kind of sick freak eats a carpet? [Glances dubiously at Dur.]

06.01.023

Harvey : [Opening his eyes] I had the strangest dream that I was on weekend leave from the army back in Saiegon, Vietnumnum, what! [Looks around] What the blue blazes? [Bows to Winky] I say madam, are you not very cold?

06.01.024

Austin : [Very unhappy. To Winky] Where are we? What is this place?

06.01.025

Winky: It's the Bream Room! This is where contestants wait before the show.

06.01.026

Austin : [Looks at the fish] I take it that these are bream. I am quite certain that this contravens aquatic lifeform welfare standards [Sighs] What is the format of the show and what are it's intended outcomes? I hope that you are aware that we have neither solicited to nor agreed to take part on your show.

06.01.027


;;; Heather is afk

Charlie: I believe the room in which one waits is traditionally referred to as the Green Room, is it not?

Winky: [Takes out a piece of paper with "Green Room" written on it] Huh. That kinda looks like Bream, doesn't it?

[Not really.]

Winky: [To Austin] This is Ludusity, a dimension where [does a strange wave, as though introducing a car or prizes on a game show] everything is a game. You're here to save your own dimension.

06.01.028

Austin : All in a days work I suppose [Frowns] I hate other dimensions. They never have good tailors or beautiful scenery. [To Winky, courteously] Excepting yourself of course.

06.01.029

Harvey : And who watches this...game...of yours, eh?

06.01.029

Titus: [Pointing to her breast] Can I make sure these are not brains, like your t-shirt indicates?

06.01.030

Winky: [Giggles] Sure! [Gives him a wink, before turning to Harvey, with a serious tone] This is not a game.


;;; Heather is out

Charlie: Actually, I believe you just said that [emphasis] everything is a game.

Winky: [Thinks for a moment] Oh, yes, that's right. [To Harvey] This IS a game. It's watched by the audience, of course! Everyone in Ludusity and [does her presentation wave again] beyond!

06.01.032

Dur: Well, what game do we have to play and how does it save our world?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Sender: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.96.204 with HTTP; Thu, 13 Jan 2011 07:22:14 -0800 (PST) Date: Thu, 13 Jan 2011 09:22:14 -0600 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com X-Google-Sender-Auth: ZEzQHxxWJJCERb-IH_xdObd0LFU Message-ID: <AANLkTiksqE_+HfwG7o6JqfmqOKz8VN5460Z5GHWWe6DW@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com>, TomHenderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Winky: It's [does her presentation thing again] The price is who wants to survive the apprenticeship or no deal?!

06.01.032

Austin : [Hastily add] I would like to point out at this juncture that we have not agreed to play or take part in anything, and that Mr Dur does not represent the party as a whole in any form or shape. Not do we intend to imply intent to agree or otherwise.

06.01.033

Winky: [With a little uncertainty] Okay, I didn't understand any of that, but I think it might be time to get ready to meet with Pob, don't you?

06.01.034

Harvey : Who or what, dear madam, is a Pob?

06.01.035

Winky: It's not A Pob, it's THE Pob! Pob Poopants! The greatest game show host in Ludusity! Come on, guys! You all know his catch phrase -- "Makin' Whoop-ass!"


;;; Unless you've been told otherwise your character

;;; has NOT heard of this


;;; Alain is afk

Titus: [Shrugs] Never heard of it. [Steps up to Winky and gives her boobs a squeeze, with his face taking on a considered look for a few seconds, before letting go and stepping back] I don't think they're brains.

06.01.036

Austin : [Gasps in horror at Titus's actions] Are you at all suprised?

06.01.037

Titus: No, but I like squeezing boobies. Brains they are not, but nice boobs? I'd give them a 9.

06.01.039

Harvey : [Quite shocked, to Titus] Good grief man, unhand that woman this very moment!

06.01.040

Titus: [Calmly] Relax. I'm nowhere near her; the examination is finished.


;;; This is true!

Winky: Just give me a moment to check that they are ready for you. [Wink]

[Exit WINKY, closing the door behind her. As it closes, the party hear the sounds of all sorts of bolts being shut.]

Alice: What the hell is going on here? [Sits on a chair upholstered in bream, only to slide off onto the floor]

06.01.041

Harvey: [Helps Alice to her feet] I have no idea dearest niece! The events of our travels grow ever more bizarre, what!

06.01.043

Charlie: I think there has been some mistake. No one with my educational background would participate in such an absurd enterprise! Why, it could well d= iscredit my standing and devalue my research!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.96.204 with SMTP id i12cs22537fan; Thu, 13 Jan 2011 09:25:02 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.213.23.7 with SMTP id p7mr2499508ebb.79.1294939501806; Thu, 13 Jan 2011 09:25:01 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <chinca.al@tbcam.com> Received: from MARSHAL4.ul.ie (marshal4.ul.ie [193.1.100.137] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id v45si753034eeh.14.2011.01.13.09.25.01; Thu, 13 Jan 2011 09:25:01 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 193.1.100.137 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of chinca.al@tbcam.com) client-ip=193.1.100.137; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 193.1.100.137 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of chinca.al@tbcam.com) smtp.mail=chinca.al@tbcam.com Received: from garryowen.csisdmz.ul.ie (Not Verified [193.1.97.39] ) by MARSHAL4.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d2f350d0001>; Thu, 13 Jan 2011 17:23:25 +0000 Received: from MARSHAL4.ul.ie (marshal4.ul.ie [193.1.100.137] ) by garryowen.csisdmz.ul.ie (8.13.8/8.13.8) with ESMTP id p0DHP0Lg030867 for <conor@mail.csisdmz.ul.ie>; Thu, 13 Jan 2011 17:25:00 GMT Received: from staffexchange7.ul.campus (Not Verified [193.1.101.32] ) by MARSHAL4.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d2f350d0000>; Thu, 13 Jan 2011 17:23:25 +0000 Received: from MARSHAL5.ul.ie ( [193.1.100.135] ) by staffexchange7.ul.campus with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.4675); Thu, 13 Jan 2011 17:23:25 +0000 Received: from mail137.messagelabs.com (Not Verified [216.82.249.19] ) by MARSHAL5.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d2f350c0000>; Thu, 13 Jan 2011 17:23:24 +0000 X-VirusChecked: Checked X-Env-Sender: chinca.al@tbcam.com X-Msg-Ref: server-5.tower-137.messagelabs.com!1294939482!65655325!3 X-StarScan-Version: 6.2.9; banners=-,-,- X-Originating-IP: [160.254.180.13] Received: (qmail 28468 invoked from network); 13 Jan 2011 17:24:50 -0000 Received: from unknown (HELO wtpcpapgtw19.bnymellon.com) (160.254.180.13) by server-5.tower-137.messagelabs.com with DHE-RSA-AES256-SHA encrypted SMTP; 13 Jan 2011 17:24:50 -0000 X-Processed-DLP: gateway X-AuditID: a0fe03ac-b7b60ae000007af9-cd-4d2f506857ab Received: from WTPCLDMGTW12.bnymellon.net (Unknown_Domain [160.254.193.35] ) by wtpcpapgtw19.bnymellon.com (Symantec Maill Gateway) with SMTP id 2C.7B.31481.8605F2D4; Thu, 13 Jan 2011 14:20:08 -0500 (EST) In-Reply-To: <36564396-2519-4C70-BE4B-7C8308AA0CCD@gmail.com> References: <AANLkTi=L=6No_H-dZ9FOhQ54TL4Umo_4YnMPvdQ0ybuh@mail.gmail.com> <36564396-2519-4C70-BE4B-7C8308AA0CCD@gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: ColinDinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Conor Ryan <conor.ryan@ul.ie>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com>, TomHenderson <th4@rice.edu>, TomHenderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> MIME-Version: 1.0 X-KeepSent: 9AC98A54:8A778DF1-85257817:005F92DA; type=4; name=$KeepSent X-Mailer: Lotus Notes Release 8.5.1 FP1 January 06, 2010 Message-ID: <OF9AC98A54.8A778DF1-ON85257817.005F92DA-85257817.005FA7D5@bnymellon.com> Date: Thu, 13 Jan 2011 12:24:48 -0500 X-MIMETrack: Serialize by Router on TPCGTW12P/GW/US/BNYMellon(Release 8.5.1|September 28, 2009) at 01/13/2011 12:26:01 PM, Serialize complete at 01/13/2011 12:26:01 PM Content-Type: text/plain; charset="US-ASCII" X-CFilter-Loop: Reflected X-Brightmail-Tracker: AAAAAAX-OriginalArrivalTime: 13 Jan 2011 17:23:25.0745 (UTC) FILETIME= [96185210:01CBB346]

research!

Titus: [To Charlie] May be you could research how to get yours as perky as Winky's?

06.01.044

Alice: Mine are WAY perkier! [To Charlie] Don't worry, Chas; with all the time you've spent with us, I'm sure your standing has already been discredited. [Gives her a big smile and two thumbs up]

06.01.045

Titus: [To Alice] Can I check to see if they are perkier than Winky's?

06.01.046

Alice: [Smiles sweetly] Not unless you want a bream shoved up your ass.

06.01.047

Lat from me #46 and Heather #45

Alice: [Looks around] Oh no! Not only did we not get the half from that Interferon, we also lost the half we had, and all our stuff, including my jacket and hair care products!

06.01.047

Titus: Understood. I guess Winky wins the Perky title by default with no second place. And who cares about the prophecy. We are lost in another dimension in a room full of fish about to enter a game show as the sane team. [Pull out his smoke and his flask] I cannot wait to wake up from this insane dream.

06.01.048

Clint: [To Titus] Don't worry, you get used to this kind of thing around us. You know, going to a strange dimension to play a game show involving fish, and listening to Bimbo here bitch about her bleach.

06.01.049

Alice: It's not bleach, it's a scientific treatment process!

06.01.051

Austin : [Looks concerned] Unfortunately it has barely begun. [Edges away from a fish that is staring at him, only to look in the other direction and spot another fish staring at him] EEeek!

06.01.052


;;; Don't forget, it was mentioned in 06.01.047 that the

;;; party don't have any of their equipment, so poor old Titus

;;; has no cigars or alcohol

Alice: [To Titus] Then it's just as well you're not in a room with a bleached bimbo with saggy boobs!

[The party hear the door unlock, enter WINKY.]

Winky: [Super perky] Are you ready? I said [a little louder] Are you ready?

06.01.054

Titus: [To Winky] Hey Perky! Do you have any smokes and drink? I could use it after being stuck with Ms Saggy over here [Points to Alice]

06.01.055

Alice: Believe me, Chuckles, this is no party for us either. Stuck in a room built entirely of fish, wearing garish t-shirts and about to enter some hellish game show, and still you managed to find a way to make us feel even worse!

Winky: [Wags a scolding finger at Titus] Naughty, naughty! You're about to go on stage, and you know what happens to teams that aren't properly united, don't you?

06.01.056

Titus: [To Winky] All I need are my smoke and a drink and we will be fine! It is my favorite self medication!

06.01.056

Austin : No we do not. Could you please tell us now, and besides, we are not in the least ready to go on stage.

06.01.057

Winky: Uh oh! When you get knocked out, you get fired! And then you're out of the game! [Looks at the blank faces of the party] Look, there are four teams. First there's a round of rapid fire questions, then the maze round and then the project round, and one team gets fired after each round. It's as simple as that. As for not being ready, oh, I think you are ready. [Heads to the door] Come on!

Alice: [To the party] Do we have any choice? Surely it can't be any worse than being stuck in the fish room?

Winky: [Annoyed] It's a BREAM room!

06.01.057

Lat from Alain #56

Winky: Well then, you'd better win, hadn't you? Because that's when you get all your stuff back, as well as a selection of [does her little presenter thing again] fabulous prizes!

06.01.058

Dur: And what happens if we lose?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.96.204 with SMTP id i12cs61390fan; Fri, 14 Jan 2011 06:37:44 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.213.34.197 with SMTP id m5mr1651032ebd.28.1295015863447; Fri, 14 Jan 2011 06:37:43 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received: from MARSHAL4.ul.ie (marshal4.ul.ie [193.1.100.137] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id w11si3358466eeh.26.2011.01.14.06.37.42; Fri, 14 Jan 2011 06:37:42 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 193.1.100.137 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com) client-ip=193.1.100.137; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 193.1.100.137 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass (test mode) header.i=@googlemail.com Received: from garryowen.csisdmz.ul.ie (Not Verified [193.1.97.39] ) by MARSHAL4.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d305f540001>; Fri, 14 Jan 2011 14:36:04 +0000 Received: from MARSHAL4.ul.ie (marshal4.ul.ie [193.1.100.137] ) by garryowen.csisdmz.ul.ie (8.13.8/8.13.8) with ESMTP id p0EEbftP011405 for <conor@mail.csisdmz.ul.ie>; Fri, 14 Jan 2011 14:37:41 GMT Received: from staffexchange7.ul.campus (Not Verified [193.1.101.32] ) by MARSHAL4.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d305f540000>; Fri, 14 Jan 2011 14:36:04 +0000 Received: from MARSHAL5.ul.ie ( [193.1.100.135] ) by staffexchange7.ul.campus with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.4675); Fri, 14 Jan 2011 14:36:03 +0000 Received: from mail-ww0-f45.google.com (Not Verified [74.125.82.45] ) by MARSHAL5.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d305f530000>; Fri, 14 Jan 2011 14:36:03 +0000 Received: by wwb29 with SMTP id 29so3147498wwb.14 for <conor.ryan@ul.ie>; Fri, 14 Jan 2011 06:37:41 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type; bh=bCDp6HOVDdCbTXKmA9vEOpSpMECHha6FoM6sem+SDpk=; b=IJD9eKHTHhz/KiKCiVUvjwVdlZ4guTcL/hb7bB/CCZMcrpldOz3mcsv0bxoCfGRZZm D2RzpbGnsY+c7u9MBN1VRB/CKLkpggxbVeWYR9Zgtcn7KIWpg50k2rSMnRaQCg8ugxvP S5iBYo+bi/y8Uvht76+RieY43BcuLERgT7fjsDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=o62bremyuFwtgimfi/FoRoG7Lj3a4BhrcCQDxbbv5M0kJf60O5Q0Z140TiK1I7HTL2 i4yaYd68gNtbj1YyGICPMpRxFNFwNfcEJeYg5iRcSXK1oYX8LUYtTmrPnn1IFmRpLCgW eb7PElZLL4GRU9wo/tCxBhKvVd4vn44hc9WnMMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.179.144 with SMTP id h16mr623195wem.64.1295015860875; Fri, 14 Jan 2011 06:37:40 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.216.88.146 with HTTP; Fri, 14 Jan 2011 06:37:40 -0800 (PST) Date: Fri, 14 Jan 2011 14:37:40 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTiktL26uSQ90jHsN2Kf=ZC==CHWmVNYDv4OK4Gsj@mail.gmail.com> To: Conor Ryan <conor.ryan@ul.ie> Cc: chinca.al@tbcam.com, ColinDinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, TomHenderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 14 Jan 2011 14:36:04.0127 (UTC) FILETIME= [5F3CC2F0:01CBB3F8]

Austin : [Edgy] What happens to the people who get fired?

06.01.060

Winky: [To Austin and Dur] It's hilarious! You're all put in a huge cannon and fired against a wall! Everyone bets on what kind of shape you make when you get squashed. [To Titus] That depends on how well you do. You can get a hostess trolley, a colour VT, a magical sword that can cut through solid rock, a his and hers watch set, all sorts of things really!


;;; Heather is AFK

Charlie: [To the party] We better be on our guard, Group, this all sounds very unpleasant!

06.01.061

Clint: I dunno, I bet we'd do great at rapid fire questions. I'm known for my quick responses!

06.01.061

Titus: Sorry if this is a dumb question but Alice is rubbing on me. Actually I wold like to rub Alice but it is another issue for another day. So my dumb questions are: Why were we selected and what if we do not want to play?

06.01.062

Alice: Hey, as long as you don't rub yourself off on me, Titus, you have nothing to apologise for!

Winky: [To Titus] If you don't want to play, you just get fired. You were chosen because your group seem like you could put up a good fight in defending your dimension from invaders.


;;; Gone for the day, have a good weekend folks!

06.01.063

Charlie: [Horrified] Oh, we must participate! I've never been fired in my life. It would disgrace my family.

06.01.064

Alice: [Horrified] I've never been fired either! [Adds, by way of explanation] Never had a job, it would disgrace my family!

Winky: Well then, I think you'd better win the game, hadn't you? Come on, let's go!

[Exit ALL through a double doors.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

06.02.001

[Book VII, Act VI, Scene II. The Game. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and TITUS are here, standing at the back of a huge audience which seems to be entirely made up of disgusting and scary looking monsters. Standing with the party is WINKY. At the front is a large stage, with four podiums. Standing behind one, that has "The Griswolds" written on it, is what appears to be an ordinary human family: CLORK, EILEEN, BRUSTY and TAUDREY. Also on the stage is a huge, slimy monster, with drool coming out of its mouth. This is POB POOPANTS.]

Pob: [Clearly just finishing a conversation with the Griswolds, and turning to the audience, giving a little laugh] A-ha ha ha! That's just great. Our next contestants are [looks at his cue cards, before adding dramatically] The Interferons! [Loudly] Interferons, come on down!

[Enter six INTERFERONS, racing down from the back of the audience, on the opposite side to the party. They are all waving their arms in the air ecstatically, and take their place behind another of the podiums. A sign pops up saying "Interferons".]

Pob: [Talking to one of them] Now, Interferon, can you tell us a little about yourselves?

Inteferon: [A little nervously and self-consciously] Uh, hi there, Pob, we're really pleased to be here. We're Interferons, and we're all clones. We enjoy mindless violence, torture and blindly following our leader's every request.

[Massive applause from the audience.]

06.02.002

Charlie: [Claps politely and mutters to the party encouragingly] I shouldn't worry too much about our competition! The insipid looking family seems hopelessly inept, and with any luck the Interferons will find this game too bloodless to hold their interest for long!

06.02.003

Harvey : Unless of course, the game is a combination of questions based on ineptitude and bloodletting, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.004

Alice: So you think it'll be a 50/50 draw between us and them?


;;; Dom is away for a while

Austin: [Uneasily] As long as Pob doesn't eat us!

06.02.005

Harvey : [Looking at the audience] Probably more of a likelyhood of the audience getting to us first, private Sleaze!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.006

Pob: [Moves to the next Inteferon] Now, it says here that you're also an Interferon. Why don't you tell us a little about yourself?

Interferon: [A little nervously and self-consciously] Uh, hi there, Pob, we're really pleased to be here. We're Interferons, and we're all clones. We enjoy mindless violence, torture and blindly following our leader's every request.

Pob: [Enthusiastically] Well, how about that?

06.02.007

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

Charlie: [To the party] Their interests are rather limited, aren't they? Perhaps that will benefit us in any trivia contests!=

--Apple-Mail-2--766796874 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

06.02.008

Alice: But it may cost us in the mindless violence ones!

Winky: [To the party] Okay, Team Sane, get ready to run on down! Get your hands in the air, like you really care, jump up and down, stamp your feet, and roar and scream like this is the greatest thing that's ever happened! Let's do a practice run, go!

Austin: [Deadpan] Whoohoo.

06.02.009

Titus: [Totally without expression] Rah rah rah. Team, one question: if the loser teams will be killed, how do we feel about being responsible for the death of the Grinswold? They look like a perfectly fine family. I would expect them to be monster in disguise but I might be able to experience some guilt if they get splashed on a wall.

06.02.010

Alice: Good question, Tites, but what can we do about it?

Winky: [Scolding the party good naturedly] Now now! That's not perky enough!

06.02.011

Harvey : By the saints, this is the perkiest we've ever been, my dear! You should see us on an off day, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.011

Titus: [To Winky] May be you could personally motivate the group members, especially the male ones to be perky?

06.02.012

Winky: Not enough time! [Steps back from the party]

[Suddenly, the floor that the party is standing on shoots up, sending them flying in the direction of the stage.]

Pob: Queens View Party, come on down!

[Crash. The entire party land on the stage in an undignified heap, to thunderous applause. They can see that there are a lot of monsters dotted around the stage, out of sight of the audience. These monsters look even more fearsome than POB.]

06.02.013

Alice: [Climbing out from under the party, dusting herself off] Er, thanks, uh, Pob.

Pob: [Gives Alice a big grin, while disgusting slime oozes out of his mouth] Now, Alice, I believe you have a funny story for us?

Alice: Er, I do?

Pob: Sure you do! [Prompting] About you and a baby in a temple?

Alice: [Confused] Well, there was that time that I had to kill the baby who was produced when my insane ex-boyfriend raped a girl who looked just like me.

Pob: [Laughs good naturedly along with the audience] And that's just great! [To Titus] And Titus, I believe you also have a funny story about a temple!

06.02.013

Titus: I hope I am wearing brown pants ......

06.02.014

Alice: [Glances at Titus' pants] You are now!

06.02.014

Titus: [Turns white at first then an angry look on his face] None of your business!

06.02.015

Pob: [Laughs at Titus] That's right! You got your girlfriend killed!

06.02.016

Charlie: [To Pob] Those are painful and horrible stories, not funny ones! Perhaps we should just begin?=

06.02.016

Titus: [Speaking very angrily] Get your facts right! She WAS NOT my girl friend!

06.02.017

Pob: [Laughs at Charlie] That's the kind of enthusiasm we like to hear! [To the audience] But don't worry, during the show, we'll get to hear all about Harvey sending a man to his death, all those innocent people who died under Dur's medical supervision and how Clint murdered his father while he was asleep. Oh, and the hilarious tale of Austin's wedding day, in which his bride was murdered because of his carelessness. [Pauses for a moment] Don't worry, Charlie, we'll definitely have time to hear about how you were prepared to sacrifice the party for Clementine. [Looks down at his cards and turns to Titus] Gosh, sorry, my mistake, you wanted her to be your girlfriend, but she thought you were an idiot and couldn't wait to get away from you. [To the audience] We have just one more team, and then we're ready to go. Team Bland, come on down!


;;; And there we will pause until next Tuesday, as we're travelling.

06.02.018

[Enter TIM JALPERT, PERRY MALMER, BAM PEESLEY, HYLAND ROWARD and SHEDLEY EVERUTH, walking down from the back of the audience, all looking glum and bored.]

Pob: Goooooood afternoon Team Bland! What can you tell us about yourself, Tim?

Tim: Uh, we're a bunch of underachieving nobodies who have a plan for world domination that involves sacrificing the lives of the Queens View party.

Pob: [After waiting for the thunderous applause] That's just great!

06.02.019

Titus: Let's feed these losers to the audience first!

06.02.020

Alice: Oh, come on, Titus, I'm sure they're fine.

Pob: [To Bam] And what can you tell us about yourself, Bam?

Bam: [Sighs] That my life was ruined by that whore, Alice Basset-Short, and that I want her dead.

06.02.021

Harvey : [Angry] Why how dare you sir!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.021

Titus: As I said, let's feed them to the audience, NOW!

06.02.022

Bam: That's MISS.


;;; Dom is away this week

Austin: [Inspecting his nails] And how do you propose we do that without being eaten ourselves?

[TAUDREY GRISWOLD, the daughter of the GRISWOLD family, suddenly grows in size and turns into a huge green demon.]

Taudrey: Eat humans now!

Pob: [Reproachfully] Now, you know the rules, Taudrey, no magic before the end of round one. Your team are deducted 50 points.

Taudrey: [Growls in anger, before returning to her original size] What a gyp.

06.02.023

Dur: So we get to use magic in round 2?

06.02.023

Titus: oh they are demons. Good. I won't feel bad having them being splashed against a wall. Always have a small issue with plastering innocents.

06.02.024

Harvey : I wonder if everyone in this place is just that, a demon!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.025

Charlie: [Claps her hands, excited] Oh, I DO hope so! [Laughs awkwardly] Er, from a scientific perspective, that is!

06.02.025

Titus: [To Charlie] Tell me Charlotte, do you find demons attractive? Do they have that special something that makes your research orgasmic?

06.02.026

Alice: Yeah, that would be great.

Pob: [Turns and smiles at Dur] Sure you can!

Perry: I'm not a demon, I'm just a woman who had her heart broken by [throws a mug at Titus, but it sails over the heads of the party] him!

Pob: Ah ah! No throwing missiles in round 1 -- that's a 25 point deduction for you!

06.02.026

Charlie: [Sniffs] Pardon me for enjoying my work!

06.02.027

Titus: [To Pob] Which round can we throw missiles and which round can we use magic? [To Perry] And you are ....?

06.02.028

Perry: Mother of [dramatically] Malama!

Alice: Malama Malamer? That's kind of an unlikely name, isn't it?

Perry: Is that the reason he gave for breaking her heart? For stealing all her possessions? For leaving her alone, spoiled with his evil seed?

Pob: [Laughs genially] Looks like we all have some history here, this is going to be just fab!

06.02.028

Titus: [To Alice] So what is the thing or things that demons have that make your work so enjoyable?

06.02.029

Titus: [To Perry] You got the wrong dude. I would remember such a name although I plead guilty to hard breaking, I have never stolen any woman possession other than her heart and I surely never, ever left a fermented seed in a conquest. I use magic to ensure that.

06.02.030

Pob: Ah ah! No magic before round 1 -- minus 50 points!

06.02.031

Clint: Hey! You want those bastards to win? [Gestures at the Griswolds.] Just keep it in your pants, Romeo!


;;; And on that note, off to nice warm Michigan!

06.02.031

Titus: [Angrily at Pob] Hey Pob, don't be a dim witted host! This is Perky's job! I have NOT used magic. I just said that I use magic to ensure I do not leave offspring from my encounters .....

06.02.032

Pob: Disagreeing with the rules, well, that's another 20 points off!

Alice: Yeesh! Titus! Don't argue with the disgusting slime monster! [To Pob] No offence.

Pob: Although I'm not a slime monster, I do find them rather attractive, so I'll take that as a compliment.

06.02.034

Dur: Oooh. Do we score extra points for that?=20


;;; Off to a meeting until 2:00 CSTFrom qvblogger

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To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>

Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.ryan@ul.ie>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>,

"chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>,

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X-OriginalArrivalTime: 26 Jan 2011 17:04:24.0709 (UTC) FILETIME=[155ACB50:01CBBD7B]

Charlie: Yes, could we receive a copy of the rules and guidelines for this competition? So far, they seem a bit arbitrary, and one wants to be on the safe side.

06.02.035

Pob: [To Dur] No, I'm afraid not. [To Charlie] No, and, quite frankly, I find it offensive that you accuse our rules of being arbitrary. Minus one gajillion points!

06.02.036

Titus: Thanks for helping Charlie. I wonder what we will look like splashed!

06.02.037

Pob: You don't have long to wait, Titus, because we're about to start.

[A board appears in front of each team, with their official team names. The GRISWOLDS are "Team Shapeshifter", the INTERFERONS are "Team Crazy", the party "Team Sane" and the latest team are "Team Bland". Each person has a large button in front of them.]

Pob: First, the quick fire, general knowledge round, where you will be tested about your knowledge. Last to press their buzzer gets to answer! For 50 points, what is the name of this dimension?

06.02.038

Charlie: [Starts to press the buzzer, then stops] Oh, LAST to press the buzzer answers?! How peculiarly counter-intuitive! [Waits for the others to buzz and tries to buzz in last]


;;;If she gets to answer, the answer is Ludusity! (I hope!)

06.02.039

[Everyone's fingers hover over the buzzers.]

Pob: [Giddily] It's so exciting!

[The hovering goes on. And on. Ten minutes pass, and suddenly everyone is deafened a loud ring, and the Team Shapeshifter's (The GRISWOLDS) sign lights up, causing everyone to jump in surprise.]

Pob: And that was Brusty, so you lose 50 points. [Looks at his watch] Right, this isn't quite working out as we hoped, so now, whoever is the fastest!

[Bzzzt! CHARLIE gets in first.]

06.02.040

Charlie: [Frantic with excitement, nearly shouting] Ludusity!!

06.02.041

Pob: Cooooooorrectomundo! [Cue thunderous applause from the audience] Right, that puts Team Shapeshifter on -100, each of Team Bland and Team Crazy on zero, and Team Sane on minus a gajillion and fifty!

06.02.042

Titus: [To Charlie, looking impressed] how did you know? And what in the realms is Ludosity? A special position only known by demons you learned during your orgasmic research? Does having less point put us in the lead?

06.02.043

Alice: Winky told us!


;;; She did, in 06.01.027

Pob: No, Titus, it puts you in last place -- probably something you should be used to!

06.02.044

Titus: [Smiling at Pob] You got that right Tooth face! Not only I am always the biggest loser but I really enjoy it! I am proud to be a zero rather than a hero!

06.02.045

Pob: [Smiles back] What a pity Ritsuko didn't think that! Neeeext question! Which of the following is the most savage demon in Ludusity? Is it A) Pob Poopants [pause for laughter from the audience] B) Grackzat, C) a Flying Gakkerloot or D) John Smith, the plummer.

06.02.047

Dur: [Tries to buzz in while whispering] I have no idea!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Sender: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.69.133 with HTTP; Thu, 27 Jan 2011 06:42:31 -0800 (PST) Date: Thu, 27 Jan 2011 14:42:31 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com X-Google-Sender-Auth: rpRW9Eavw_nrM0OdbTfbVJyFrSs Message-ID: <AANLkTi=mzFvHYB+DAM5cR=v6w6Zp8UoUkWhP4VhA2ubm@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, TomHenderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

[Bzzzzt! The party's name lights up.]

Pob: And Dur, for 200 points, what is the answer?

06.02.047

Titus: [Yelling at Pob] Why would she choose a loser like me? Tell me Pob Poopants, you who are the most savage demon in Ludusity!

06.02.048

Pob: Incorrect! That's minus 50 points!

06.02.049

Titus: [Raising his hand exuberantly] YES! YES! YES! I WIN!!!!!

06.02.050

Dur: But I was going to say the Plumber!

06.02.051


;;; Colin's out today

Harvey: [To Titus] By the saints, man! You are going to get us all killed!

06.02.052

Charlie: [Tries to buzz in again] Let me have a try! I did have the correct answer last time, after all!

06.02.053

;; Back in the office for a post!

Harvey : [Quietly to Charlie] It's got to be the plumber! They're the worsttype of demon regardless of the dimension, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.054

[Alas, CHARLIE's buzzer doesn't work, but one of the INTERFERONS buzzes in.]

Interferon: [Nervously] Is it the Grackzat?

Pob: Correct! That's 200 points!

06.02.055

Harvey : Damn and blast! We're not doing too well here, troop!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.056

Alice: I don't know, Harvey, let's hear the scores first!

Pob: Now, that puts Team Shapeshifter on -100, Team Bland have no points, Team Crazy have two hundred, and Team Sane are on minus a gajillion and two hundred and fifty!

Alice: [To Harvey] Yeah, we're not doing great.

06.02.057

Charlie: [Wails] How dreadful! I'm usually brilliant at this sort of thing.

06.02.058

Pob: Next question! Now, listen very carefully, it's important you pay close attention. Who -- [looks down at his card] I mean, what -- [checks it again] no, which of the following is the Grackzat not immune from? A, fire; B, water; C, acid; D, tears?

06.02.059

Harvey : [Bangs the buzzer] Trick question, sir! It's not immune to any of them!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.060

[The audience gives a collective groan.]

Pob: Sorry, Harvey, but that's minus a thousand points!

[Bzzt! TAUDREY GRISWOLD buzzes in.]

Taudrey: Is the correct answer Grackzat?

Pob: It sure is, Taudrey, but not to this question -- minus a thousand for you too!

06.02.061

Charlie: [To Pob] Ask another! Ask another!

06.02.062

Pob: Not yet! One more team can try to steal.

Interferon: [Bzzzt!] Fire!

Pob: Oooh! Incorrect!

06.02.063

Austin : [Bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzt. Sighs] Tears.

06.02.064

Pob: Minus a thousand points! Your group already answered.

Tim: [Bzzzzt.] Uh, is it tears?

Pob: Correctomundo!

06.02.065

Charlie: [Panicked] How many points are still available?! Can we still catch up?

06.02.066

Pob: It all comes down to this -- for two gajillion points!

[Drum roll starts.]

06.02.067

Charlie: [Hand poised on the buzzer, muttering to the group] Best let ME answer, as I'm the only one who has successfully done so thus far, group!

06.02.068

Alice: But you also lost us a gajillion points, Charlie! What do you think we are? Idiots?

Pob: Which of-

[Bzzzzzzzt! ALICE buzzes in.]

Alice: Oops!

06.02.069

Austin : And I did answer correctly. It is not my fault if we have not been told the rules of the game.

06.02.070

Pob: I don't care -- you lose another ten thousand points for being a weeny.

[The crowd give a cheer.]

Pob: [To Alice] Well? Is the answer A, B, C or D? You can confer.

Alice: [To the party] You know, seeing as how someone buzzed in early, we probably need to make a guess.

06.02.071

Austin : My guess is C.

06.02.072

Alice: Really? I was thinking E. You know, I have a really good feeling about that.

06.02.072

Charlie: [To Alice] Yes, when in doubt, always choose C!!

06.02.073

Austin : Well I am glad you are feeling good about it, because the fate of our dimension depends upon it. Apparently. [Rolls his eyes]

06.02.074

Pob: Well? A, B, C or D?

06.02.075

Charlie: [To Alice, growing frustrated] C, I say, C!

06.02.076

Alice: Is it C?

Pob: Correct! Two gajillion points for Team Sane!

Alice: Whoohoo! I got it right! I got it right!!

06.02.077

Charlie: Well repeated after hearing me advise you to say it, Alice! [To Pob, eagerly] Have we won?!

06.02.078

Alice: Whoohoo! I know more about Luminosity than anyone else!


;;; The place is called Ludusity

Pob: Entry to the second round. [Checks the scores] That means that Team Shapeshifters come in last, and you now what that means?

Clork: [Father of the Griswolds] That we get to leave with some nice consolation prizes?

Audience: [Chanting] Fire them! Fire them!

06.02.079

Charlie: [Winces] How horrid! I do hope it won't be a gruesome firing. One doesn't want to be put off before the second round!

06.02.079

Titus: [Clapping with the audience] Splash the demons!

06.02.080

[The stage beneath THE GRISWOLDS shoots up, firing them over the audience at high speed, splattering them against a large wall. They are little more than a mess now, and slowly slide down, with bits of GRISWOLD dropping onto the audience.]

Alice: That put me right off the second round!

06.02.080

Austin : I was not particularly keen on the first round either. Apparently magic and ballistics are permitted in the second round too. How unsporting [looks worried]

06.02.081

Pob: Of course it's unsporting -- it's [the audience chant along with him] The price is who wants to survive the apprenticeship or no deal!

[Cue much applause.]

Pob: Now we need to reduce our teams to just two, who will fight it out in the final round. The task in the final round, which you need to get thinking about, is to design and build a child minding device. You will present it in the boardroom to Mr. Rump. The losing team will be fired. What happens first, Winky?

Winky: [Does her little shimmy] It's the Maze of Temptations!

[Cue even more applause.]

06.02.082

Charlie: [To Pob] Might we be told the rules and regulations for this round BEFORE we begin, or is that too much to expect?

06.02.083

Harvey : A maze of temptations, troop! Imagine that, a maze made of honeyedgolden locusts! We can eat our way to the finish! What joy!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.084

Pob: Not at all, Charlie! It's really quite simple. Your group needs to navigate the maze, but each time you fail a temptation you will lose time, and the team to finish last will be fired.

06.02.085

Charlie: How splendid! [To the group, reassuringly] This should be another area in which I excel, group. The Parker-Kensingtons are known for strength of will and moral fortitude!

06.02.085

Austin : [Looks very worried] I have a very bad feeling about this round, I think we may all be dead [Looks beaten]

06.02.086

Alice: Not the Bassett-Shorts, we're known for our lack of character, ease of distraction and preoccupation with shiny objects!

06.02.087

Titus: Considering that I can resist anything but temptation, we are guarantee to win!

06.02.087

Austin : I thought that the Parker-Kensingtons were known for blind arrogance and copulating with demons. [Looks doomed]

06.02.088

Charlie: [Cheerily] Oh, no! It's strength of will and moral fortitude. You can ask my mother!

06.02.089

Clint: [Thoughtfully.] Aaaaand is your father human?


;;; so for weather like this, I could have stayed in Michigan!

06.02.090

Harvey : We must hold fast troop, be tempted by nothing! Nothing, I say! [Looks worried] Hmm, I hope there aren't any snakes feet tempations!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.091

Clint: So, what, like there'll be food for Harv and shiny things for Alice and demons for Charlie and nudie calendars for me? And if we take too many of 'em, we'll get fired? AND we have to get through a maze? [Ponders a sudden change in careers.]

06.02.092

Alice: [Excited] Shiny things? Where? Where?

Pob: Now remember, no magic during round two: any one caught using it will immediately be fired, and the other two teams will progress to the next round. The teams will leave in the order of round one scores, so Team Sane, you're first. Ready?

06.02.092

Charlie: Not TOO many, rather ANY! You must resist any and all temptations you face, Mr. Scar! [Helpfully] Try to pretend you are a distant relative the Parker-Kensingtons, perhaps the bastard son of one of the [drops her voice in shame] Limerick Kensingtons, a child conceived through a dalliance with a simpleton bar maid, something relatively plausible like that.

06.02.093

Harvey : As ready as we'll ever be, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.02.093

Austin : [Checks his nails] With your family history absolutely anything is quite plausible. At least the Limerick Kensingtons were breeding with humans.

06.02.094

Alice: You clearly haven't spent much time in Limerick, Aus!

Pob: Ready!

Audience: Steady!

Pob: Goooooooooooooooooooooooo!

[The audience whoop and cheer and give thunderous applause.]

Alice: Are we supposed to go?

Pob: Yes! [Points at a door] Right through there!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

06.03.00

Titus: [Cleaning himself up] These demons are so funny that if they don't splash us, they will make us die of laughter. Someone please wake me up.

06.03.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene I. The Stage. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and TITUS are here, running towards the door pointed out by POB. Suddenly a large pool of oil appears in front of them, causing everyone to slip and fall, crashing into the door.]

Alice: Ow! What the hell was that?

06.03.002

Charlie: [Rubbing her elbow and scowling] Completely unnecessary, is what! I'll be bruised from head to toe now!

06.03.003

Austin : [Slithers back to his feet, smoothing himself down] It feels quite plesant really. [Flicks some oil off his hand]

06.03.004

Alice: It feels kind of how I'd expect Austin's skin to feel!

[The party notice Team Bland giving each other high fives and congratulating each other.]

Pob: [To Tim] Nice going Tim!

06.03.005

Austin : [Squirming in delight] Yes, thank you Tim, most kind!

06.03.006

Charlie: [To Team Bland] Why are you so congratulatory?

06.03.007

Austin : They are Bland, what do you expect? They probably congratulate eachother for breathing.

06.03.008

Harvey : [Picking himself up] By the saints, does health and safety mean nothing to these people!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.010

Pob: Because they cast a spell on you to make you trip and lose time!

06.03.011

Charlie: [Outraged] How dare they! [To Dur] Quickly, cast something horrid to irk them!

06.03.012

Alice: [Helpfully to Dur] Or maybe you could just be yourself, because most of us find that really annoying anyway!

06.03.013

Dur: I thought magic wasn't allowed?!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.109.140 with SMTP id j12cs162255fap; Thu, 3 Feb 2011 06:36:31 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.14.119.196 with SMTP id n44mr71447eeh.33.1296743791094; Thu, 03 Feb 2011 06:36:31 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received: from MARSHAL4.ul.ie (marshal4.ul.ie [193.1.100.137] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id a20si1970098eei.49.2011.02.03.06.36.29; Thu, 03 Feb 2011 06:36:30 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 193.1.100.137 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com) client-ip=193.1.100.137; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 193.1.100.137 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass (test mode) header.i=@googlemail.com Received: from garryowen.csisdmz.ul.ie (Not Verified [193.1.97.39] ) by MARSHAL4.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d4abcd50001>; Thu, 03 Feb 2011 14:33:57 +0000 Received: from MARSHAL4.ul.ie (marshal4.ul.ie [193.1.100.137] ) by garryowen.csisdmz.ul.ie (8.13.8/8.13.8) with ESMTP id p13EaTs3009467 for <conor@mail.csisdmz.ul.ie>; Thu, 3 Feb 2011 14:36:29 GMT Received: from staffexchange7.ul.campus (Not Verified [193.1.101.32] ) by MARSHAL4.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d4abcd50000>; Thu, 03 Feb 2011 14:33:57 +0000 Received: from MARSHAL5.ul.ie ( [193.1.100.135] ) by staffexchange7.ul.campus with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.4675); Thu, 3 Feb 2011 14:33:56 +0000 Received: from mail-iw0-f181.google.com (Not Verified [209.85.214.181] ) by MARSHAL5.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d4abcd40000>; Thu, 03 Feb 2011 14:33:56 +0000 Received: by iwn3 with SMTP id 3so1267800iwn.26 for <conor.ryan@ul.ie>; Thu, 03 Feb 2011 06:36:27 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type; bh=sDtVFa2NLHNThdrUY+hCmpTmQmgyS1Ifa/su/oTI9Tg=; b=AgjEIXiQMaq11CmFuGXqRJWH2+tfXaeJeIppZOJm7VM+fzAg//pfDb1M80xdJJ2uQB J7kbc1QAkiZ5PXgU0on9J5yR042VcGcWlBGA1OxwNRxF7kVOUZY7EjOeNV6sZBDiu4k6 IqZhLFqgaLb4F3o0J/iZwLemISUS+jXDLGeh0DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=mUpVFdjH/yG9czrCZoOmI2/drIoB+6alhLa4zt1tKKgcgeIVuyW+GvlDXm0Y2rH8yS s84KZunWp/Mso66rdIJX43EUsS9tPBZak8GWH0no9o0vvrviG8T9QxxTzD3HuEMDtLK3 O5SrbthGl+qnD2g2FY6TEOMMRN+HmlWLf1umwMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.42.213.200 with SMTP id gx8mr12716427icb.321.1296743787791; Thu, 03 Feb 2011 06:36:27 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.42.220.131 with HTTP; Thu, 3 Feb 2011 06:36:27 -0800 (PST) Date: Thu, 3 Feb 2011 14:36:27 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTinOXwBr0iTFszvT=zHxsrGHww4XYTzmBJOXS2=4@mail.gmail.com> To: Conor Ryan <conor.ryan@ul.ie> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, chinca.al@tbcam.com, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 03 Feb 2011 14:33:57.0041 (UTC) FILETIME= [63BFFA10:01CBC3AF]

Austin : [Indignantly] I thought that magic was banned in round two?

06.03.014

Harvey : Indeed so private! I thought that Pod creature said the same thing!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.015

Alice: Yeah! [To Pob] What about it?

Pob: [Shrugs] Round 2 hasn't started for them yet, just you. And you're wasting time.

06.03.016

Titus: [Hurrying the group] Let's go, let's go. It is not polite to let temptations wait! [Get ready to enter the door]

06.03.017

Charlie: Agreed! [To the party] Now, do try to control yourselves, please. [Goes to exit through the door]

06.03.018

[CHARLIE opens the door and the party head through. They are in a nondescript maze with stone corridors and brick walls. There is one path straight out from the door, and, after about ten feet, it comes to a T-junction.]

Alice: Well, I must admit, I don't find this really tempting at all!

06.03.019

Charlie: Nor do I! [Beams] We're doing really well, so far! [Considers the junction] Why not, right? [Heads toward the pathway on the right]

06.03.019

Titus: For once, what you say is factually correct. Group, let's always take a left a each intersection. If we reach a dead end, we back track and then take a right. This will ultimately get us out. Or killed.

06.03.020

Alice: Maybe it might just have us going around in circles?

06.03.021

Alice: [Dithering] Uh, what do the others think?

06.03.022

Charlie: [Already heading right, looking over her shoulder back at the party] Do come along, group! Stop your dilly-dallying and let us face down temptation!

06.03.022

Titus: [Shrugging] I do not really care left or right but we need to be consistent.

06.03.023

Alice: But do we need to be consistent ALL the time?

[The party follow the corridor to the right, which twists and turns a bit, before they come to a dead end.]

;; Roll seven sided dice: 4


;;; Character: Dur


;;;Temptation level: 0


;;; Wisdom: 18. Modifier: 0. Roll needed: 18


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 9...pass!

[Painted on the wall is "DUR". DUR steps up to the wall and through it. The party can see all the action, but DUR is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Dur's first temptation. He believes that he is staggering away from a fine restaurant, having just eaten a huge amount of food while at a meeting with an important contact for the party. He has a crucial piece of information that he needs to get to them urgently.

[DUR is staggering along a road, and suddenly spots someone dumping a huge steak into a trashcan.]

Dur: [Thinks for a moment] Nah, I should keep going, but they better have some steak for me when I meet the others!

[The scene disappears and DUR is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.024

Charlie: [Claps her hands] Well done, Dur! [Hands him a copper piece]

06.03.025

Alice: Oh, God, now he's going to be completely unbearable!

06.03.025

Titus: {Giving a tap on Dur's back] Man, that was a nice piece of steak you let go .....

06.03.026


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 5


;;; Character: Harvey


;;;Temptation level: 0


;;; Wisdom: 9. Modifier: 0. Roll needed: 9


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 6...pass!

[The party head onwards, but soon reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "HARVEY". HARVEY steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but HARVEY is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Harvey's first temptation. He has just chased a bull from a china shop.

[The SHOPKEEPER approaches HARVEY, who's standing beside a case of dainty porecelain cups.]

Shopkeeper: Thank you! You saved all my stock! Please, take anything you want! Anything! Here, you can take this clock, which you can donate to charity so some poor children can eat tonight!

Harvey: [Glances longingly at the case of dainty porcelain cups] Er, yes, Chappie, thank you, thank you very much, I won't take those delightful, dainty porcelain cups!

[The scene disappears and HARVEY is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]


;;; Two passes! Who knew that the party had such strong character!

06.03.027

Titus: [Looking shocked] Who knew that the Admiral here liked porcelain cups! Good to know!

06.03.028

Charlie: [Pleased] How splendid! [To Alain] He can be SO difficult to shop for at Philimas!

06.03.029

Dur: Perhaps we should save our celebrations until the end of the round! [His stomach grumbles angrily at the abandoned steak]

06.03.030

Charlie: Well, we are in rather a maze just now, so we may as well make the experience pleasant as we wind these corridors with cordial good cheer, no?

06.03.031

Alice: Agreed! This easy-peasy, let's enjoy our famous victory. God Himself couldn't stop us now!


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 5


;;; Character: Harvey


;;;Temptation level: 1


;;; Wisdom: 9. Modifier: 5. Roll needed: 4


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 9...fail!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "HARVEY". HARVEY steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but HARVEY is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Harvey's second temptation. He believes that he is talking to Claude Goodfellow, a young and wealthy philanthropist who is about to marry Mary Merryweather, a young charity worker who is working with Claude to help donate huge sums of money to an orphan fund.

[We see HARVEY in a gentlemen's club, talking to CLAUDE, who looks shocked. HARVEY is blushing slightly and stammering, clearly a bit ill at ease about something he has said.]

Claude: I say! This is most shocking! You say that Mary is an alcoholic, ex-prostitute who has stolen money from me? That those orphans are starving? And that I should marry your virgin niece Alice who loves flowers and doing good and being quiet and demure?

Harvey: Absolutely! I can arrange for you to meet her today. She's probably on the way back from church or doing good deeds right now! [Leans in] You should probably report Mary to the police and have her shipped away, lest she try to protest her innocence!

[The scene disappears and HARVEY is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.032

Charlie: [To Titus, sharply] Cease your criticism of Alice and the colonel at once! Naturally, his instincts are to protect Alice and wish the best for her, but he would hardly commit such treachery outside of this manufactured fantasy world. Honestly, what man in the real world would be fool enough to think Alice is a virg--I mean, also, Alice would NEVER exchange sex for money!

06.03.033

Alice: [To Titus] Hey! Back off, jackass! If you didn't have your head so far up your own ass, your opinions might actually mean something!

06.03.034

Harvey : I only want whats best for my niece! What uncle wouldn't, eh!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.035

Alice: Come on, let's keep going before one of is tempted to kill him!

;; Roll seven sided dice: 2


;;; Character: Charlie


;;;Temptation level: 0


;;; Wisdom: 13. Modifier: 0. Roll needed: 13


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 3...pass!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "CHARLIE". CHARLIE steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but CHARLIE is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Charlie's first temptation. She believes that she is talking a short cut through a field to an important meeting, but she finds a basket. What could be in the basket?

[The party can see CHARLIE in a meadow, stopping to look at a basket. She opens it up, and finds a super adorable fluffy kitten, with a huge cute bow.]

Charlie: Sorry, Kitty, I've got an important meeting to go to!

[The scene disappears and CHARLIE is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.036

Charlie: [Smugly] See, that's the Parker-Kensington strength of will I told you about! [To Alice, squealing] Wasn't she the dearest, sweetest little thing you ever saw?!

06.03.037

Alice: Can we go back and keep her?

06.03.038

Harvey : We should move on, dear niece. Time is ticking onwards!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.039

Clint: Yeah, but she wuz adorable, yes she wu... err... hell yeah, let's get moving! C'mon, guys, we don't have all day!

06.03.040


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 6


;;; Character: Titus


;;;Temptation level: 0


;;; Wisdom: 12. Modifier: 0. Roll needed: 12


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 10...pass!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "TITUS". TITUS steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but TITUS is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Titus' first temptation. In this he is smoking cigars with Clint.

[The party see CLINT and TITUS in a seedy bar, both drinking beer, and with CLINT smoking a huge, manly cigar. TITUS looks down at the table and there are two boxes of cigars. One is from the 'Testosterone', the manliest cigar in the world, that has been known to kill on one drag, while the other is from 'Nat Sherman', the least manly cigar in the world.]

Clint: Come on, Titus, get smoking!

[TITUS picks up the 'Nat Sherman' ones.]

Titus: What the hell are these? [Throws them away and grabs a Testosterone]

[The scene disappears and TITUS is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

Alice: Nat Sherman? [Gives a big smile] Innnnteresting!


;;; They really do exist!


;;; http://cigars.bogarts.com.au/images/T/Nat%20Sherman%20USA%20Fantasia_2.jpg

06.03.041

Charlie: [Cooing] Aw, aren't they precious? Like little tiny kitten cigars!

06.03.042

Austin : I didn't know that they made cigars for children! Whatever will they think of next!

06.03.043

Alice: Well, I think they're adorable! Hardly embarrassing at all!


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 1


;;; Character: Austin


;;;Temptation level: 0


;;; Wisdom: 12. Modifier: 0. Roll needed: 12


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 19...fail!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "AUSTIN". AUSTIN steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but AUSTIN is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Austin's first temptation. He believes that he is walking through a city, on the way to meet the rest of the party for an important, time-sensitive meeting.

[The party can see AUSTIN on a city sidewalk, suddenly stopping and staring at a nearby building, a Sidal Vassoon Waxing Boutique.]

Austin: [Reading a sign outside the boutique, enthralled] Oh, free waxing and mani/pedi at Sidal Vassoon, one day only! [Glances at his wristwatch and sighs unhappily] No, already running late. I'd better keep moving. [Takes another wistful look at the sign, then gasps] Wait, the waxing includes sack and crack! I'm sure the others will understand this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! [Enters the boutique]

[The scene disappears and AUSTIN is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.044

Charlie: [Outraged] Mr. Sleaze, how could you?! Punctuality saves lives, you know! No doubt I had something terribly important to tell you at that meeting.

06.03.045

Alice: What's a sack and cr- oh! [Thinks for a moment] Mm. Interesting.

06.03.046

Austin : [Looks thoroughly disappointed] That's so unfair! I have not see a reputable beauty salon for years!

06.03.047

Alice: Poor Austin. [Sympathetically] Very hairy down there?

06.03.048

Charlie: It's biology! One is supposed to have hair [finger quotes] down there! [Urgently] You MUST put the needs of the party ahead of your own, Mr. Sleaze, like I did by resisting that perfectly adorably kitten!

06.03.049

Austin : [Indignantly] I was putting the needs of the party first! At least one of use needs to be well dressed, just looks at the rest of you! Not a hope!

06.03.050

Clint: Yeah, but we don't need to be well dressed if they're going to incinerate us! Let's just get this over with!


;;; So because we're risking a little snow here in the morning - maybe even an

;;; inch! - I get a snow day. I love Texas.

06.03.051


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 0


;;; Character: Alice


;;;Temptation level: 0


;;; Wisdom: 7. Modifier: 0. Roll needed: 7


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 19...fail!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "ALICE". ALICE steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but ALICE is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Alice's first temptation. She believes that she is bringing an important magical item to the rest of her party.

[The party can see ALICE walking down a dark alleyway, and that a shady looking character in a trenchcoat is calling to her. This is TWITCH.]

Twitch: Hsst! Hsst!

Alice: Are you going for a pee?

Twitch: Just a little bit. [Sigh of relief] How'd you like to do a trade? Your item for mine? It's an Orb of Colour; it'll keep your hair looking blonde and healthy forever.

Alice: No more dyeing? Whoohoo! Here's the item and all my money!

[The scene disappears and ALICE is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

Setup for temptation 0 for Alice Fail text for temptation 0 for Alice [The scene disappears and ALICE is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.052

Charlie: [Scolding] Alice, REALLY! Is your natural hair color so dreadful?!

06.03.053

Alice: No, it's just that blonde is so much more fun! [To Austin] Interesting how intolerant she is of personal grooming, isn't it? Not surprising, though!

06.03.054

Charlie: [A bit huffily] We've spent quite enough time on this nonsense. Do let us be on our way, group!

06.03.055


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 1


;;; Character: Austin


;;;Temptation level: 1


;;; Wisdom: 12. Modifier: 5. Roll needed: 7


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 2...pass!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "AUSTIN". AUSTIN steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but AUSTIN is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Austin's second temptation. In this, he is at Weeny Todd, Demon Tailor, in search of a new suit.

Weeny: [Showing Austin a staggeringly beautiful suit] And this, my friend, is a beautiful suit made from the hair of virgins, held together by the dried tears of the heart broken. All you need to do is break the heart of someone, and one of these can be yours.

Austin: [Looks at the suit] It is a very beautiful suit, but I fear I must decline. It is this damned conscience which seems to be plaguing me now.

[The scene disappears and AUSTIN is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.056

Charlie: Well done, Mr. Sleaze! See what you can accomplish when you heed my advice?

06.03.057

Austin : [Clearly still fixated on where the suit was, shocked] What have I done [Blinks] What advise? [Walks on] I don't recall you saying anything of worth?

06.03.058

Alice: She was just moaning about how boring her hair colour is!


;;; Away for the weekend too -- more temptations on Monday!

06.03.059

Austin : Ooh, yes. We she is quite correct in that case, her hair colour is terribly boring. [Walks on] Anyway, we must not dilly-dally on such nothings. Time is of the essence.

06.03.060


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 1


;;; Character: Austin


;;;Temptation level: 2


;;; Wisdom: 12. Modifier: 10. Roll needed: 2


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 2...pass!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "AUSTIN". AUSTIN steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but AUSTIN is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Austin's third temptation. In this, he is having a secret meeting with a sleazy character named Twitch.

Twitch: What's the problem? You have the Orb of Generomentis, all you need to do is kill an innocent, and you can bring Lucy back.

Austin: And does it have to be Dur?

Twitch: [Shrugs] Well, it doesn't have to be, but why not?

Austin: No, I can't. I want her back more than anything, but I can't murder someone.

[The scene disappears and AUSTIN is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]


;;; Pass? When you needed a 2? Unbelievable!

06.03.061

Charlie: [Impressed] Mr. Sleaze, that was remarkable! [Growing angry] I certainly do not like the turn these dreadful things have taken. It's getting rather too personal, isn't it?!

06.03.061

Austin : [Sighs, wipes tears from his eyes. Takes a deep breath and walks onwards, slowly.]


;;; wow. I love random rolls like that one :)

06.03.062

Harvey : By the saints, private Scar, a remarkable feat, what! Well done, sir!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.063

Alice: [Whispers to Harvey] That's Private SLEAZE!

06.03.064

Charlie: Perhaps we'd best keep moving. I wonder how the other teams are doing? [Proudly] Surely they cannot have exceeded our performance thus far!

06.03.064

Austin : [To Harvey] Thank you colonel. [Blows his nose loudly]

06.03.065

Harvey : [Looks closely at Austin] By the saints, so it is! Well, that's even more remarkable!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.066


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 3


;;; Character: Clint


;;;Temptation level: 0


;;; Wisdom: 9. Modifier: 0. Roll needed: 9


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 1...pass!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "CLINT". CLINT steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but CLINT is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Clint's first temptation. He believes that he is sitting at a table by himself, in a tavern.

[The party can see CLINT sitting at a table with two drinks in front of him. One is a huge, two quart mug of beer, and the other is a fruity cocktail, coloured pink, served in a sparkly glass that says Klassie Lady.]

Clint: [Glances at the fruity cocktail, looks self-consciously around the room, then knocks it over] Take that, puny fruit drink! [Grabs the beer, guzzling it in alarmingly short order]

[The scene disappears and CLINT is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.067

Dur: [Ignoring Clint completely] Wait... Austin would murder ME to bring back his wife!?=

06.03.068

Charlie: No, no, no! He [emphasis] wouldn't, after consideration, murder you to bring back his fianc=E9e!

06.03.068

Austin : [Dryly] Only if you got me on a good day.

06.03.069


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 4


;;; Character: Dur


;;;Temptation level: 1


;;; Wisdom: 18. Modifier: 5. Roll needed: 13


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 14...fail!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "DUR". DUR steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but DUR is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Dur's second temptation. He believes that he needs to get an important magical item to the party, to help them escape from a hostage situation.

[We see DUR sneaking along a street, making a pretty poor job of it. He encounters a seedy looking man, TWITCH.]

Twitch: I have something you're interested in. Something you're very, very interested in.

Dur: Food?

Twitch: No, not food. Information. Information about what happened to your family. But there's a cost.

Dur: Food?

Twitch: [Rolls his eyes] No, not food. The magical item you have in your pocket.

Dur: But the others need my help! [Thinks for a moment] Ah, I'm sure they'll be fine. [Hands it over]

[The scene disappears and DUR is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.071

Dur: Errr.... Right, well.... Shall we move on then?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.97.145 with SMTP id l17cs89814fan; Mon, 7 Feb 2011 06:56:42 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.204.16.134 with SMTP id o6mr3168054bka.133.1297090602468; Mon, 07 Feb 2011 06:56:42 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received: from MARSHAL4.ul.ie (marshal4.ul.ie [193.1.100.137] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id y2si8273514eeh.61.2011.02.07.06.56.41; Mon, 07 Feb 2011 06:56:41 -0800 (PST) Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 193.1.100.137 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com) client-ip=193.1.100.137; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 193.1.100.137 is neither permitted nor denied by domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass (test mode) header.i=@gmail.com Received: from garryowen.csisdmz.ul.ie (Not Verified [193.1.97.39] ) by MARSHAL4.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d5007c10001>; Mon, 07 Feb 2011 14:54:57 +0000 Received: from MARSHAL4.ul.ie (marshal4.ul.ie [193.1.100.137] ) by garryowen.csisdmz.ul.ie (8.13.8/8.13.8) with ESMTP id p17Euer5004913 for <conor@mail.csisdmz.ul.ie>; Mon, 7 Feb 2011 14:56:40 GMT Received: from staffexchange7.ul.campus (Not Verified [193.1.101.32] ) by MARSHAL4.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d5007c10000>; Mon, 07 Feb 2011 14:54:57 +0000 Received: from MARSHAL5.ul.ie ( [193.1.100.135] ) by staffexchange7.ul.campus with Microsoft SMTPSVC(6.0.3790.4675); Mon, 7 Feb 2011 14:54:57 +0000 Received: from mail-wy0-f181.google.com (Not Verified [74.125.82.181] ) by MARSHAL5.ul.ie with MailMarshal (v6,8,4,9558) id <B4d5007c10000>; Mon, 07 Feb 2011 14:54:57 +0000 Received: by wyf22 with SMTP id 22so5170915wyf.26 for <conor.ryan@ul.ie>; Mon, 07 Feb 2011 06:56:39 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type; bh=WFSoqWRxPZ+xCfa+BOcLPpF7FexakCYLMIQ7DQT0YvM=; b=WSLno8IqkYEsdH5K8hFwRaVn6JKBa0kbnpvdyy2gzLFzJtvizgDA0xeXbHvzFiKFJX fi+1F5patf9V/MfWcMcIcGbQdtlZJX+n0U6WS7QilfpG0naeb0nymGpDxKx6Itaw2GhZ Zkz7uxUNWgon7XqjJ0i9Mnqn53XPJBdYVfFFIDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=LxggeKFJitJd5zDohsFPBREZs2+G6OsJKvvcLR6bX8oq2ikaCKdGEZUG/ESZThoiJn 2poIS/aakj0s8S2CC2zmZA0MAbi1O4IdOIgIDZubuMcMdNhLmD1LvDAp7BQa9z80fohb ZF09GCQ9yM1aQjPUdd508SH/s0kutHr9xqchEMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.176.80 with SMTP id a58mr13674908wem.82.1297090599697; Mon, 07 Feb 2011 06:56:39 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.216.86.147 with HTTP; Mon, 7 Feb 2011 06:56:39 -0800 (PST) Date: Mon, 7 Feb 2011 14:56:39 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTinxdUf-0RdxEMvGRVqSha0kesBYx2basDf9QaFX@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.ryan@ul.ie>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 X-OriginalArrivalTime: 07 Feb 2011 14:54:57.0629 (UTC) FILETIME= [FCC570D0:01CBC6D6]

Charlie: [Disgusted] Honestly, Dur! We do feed you, you know! Have you some sort of tapeworm?

06.03.072

Alice: He did -- but he ate it!

06.03.073

Austin : Probably more humane than letting it live in [emphasis] his stomach.

06.03.074

Harvey : Or even worse, his bowels! [Shudders]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.075

Clint: Yeah yeah, but at least he wouldn't sell us out for a warm meal!

06.03.076

Austin : [Sighs] But he did sell us out for food.

06.03.077


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 2


;;; Character: Charlie


;;;Temptation level: 1


;;; Wisdom: 13. Modifier: 5. Roll needed: 8


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 6...pass!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "CHARLIE". CHARLIE steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but CHARLIE is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Charlie's second temptation. She believes that she has left the party to retire to a rented room after a long day.

[The party can see CHARLIE entering a bedroom and finding herself suddenly face to face with PESTILENCE. He greets her with a rather smug smile and immediately reaches for her, pulling her close to him and going in for a kiss.]

Charlie: [Gasps] What are you doing here? Did anyone see you come to my room?

Pestilence: [Sneers] Who can you possibly think you're fooling at this point? All of your little friends know about us -- in fact, I think the blonde ones kind of fancy me!

Charlie: [Winces] I know, but you have caused them so much pain and suffering, I couldn't expect them to understand. [Gently pushes Pestilence away] I cannot continue to see you.

[The scene disappears and CHARLIE is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.078

Clint: [Surprised as all get out.] Hey, way to go, Sarge! Who knew you had it in you!

06.03.078

Austin : [Sighs in relief] I am so very relieved that we did not have to witness those two canoodling

06.03.079

Charlie: [Also looking very relieved and rather surprised] Yes, quite an impressive display of will-power, I must say! [Quickly] Not that I would ever be tempted by such a sordid scenario!

06.03.080

Austin : [To Charlie] No one believes that. You yourself said, and I quote "I cannot continue to see you." Which confirms that you were seeing him already. What is it that you believe that we would not understand? The power of love?

06.03.081

Harvey : A good question indeed, private! [Looks at Charlie] Well done my dear!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.081

Charlie: [Starts to protest, then gives a long sigh] You're right, of course. We see each other as much as we possibly can. [To Austin] There is something between us. I can't explain it, but our relationship is more than just physical. [To the group] I know he has done some truly horrible things, but I believe he has changed and will continue fighting with us. [Hesitates and adds reluctantly] But I will end it with him, if you ask.

06.03.082

Alice: In fairness, he did save all of us those Clementines, got us out of jail and helped us with the translation. [Thinks] On the other hand, he did burn us all alive that time, way back in the past.

06.03.083

Charlie: [To Alice] And we all saw him before he changed, when he was still Pan. He was a good man once, and he can be again, I know it.

06.03.084

Alice: Well, he's actually a demon now, though, right? And he was an angel to being with?

06.03.085

Charlie: Well, yes, technically, but we all know these labels can be rather meaningless at times, can they not?

06.03.086

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "CLINT". CLINT steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but CLINT is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Clint's second temptation. He believes that he is standing in an alleyway.]

[The party can see CLINT standing in an alleyway. In front of him is a rather seedy looking character, TWITCH.]

Twitch: [Offers a small vial of potion to Clint] Here you go, man. Guaranteed to keep you muscled up and strong for the next ten years, no matter how old you are, or how little you exercise or what you eat. You might notice that your mind don't work as well as it did before, you know, like you might forget your own name sometimes or piss yourself sometimes or what have you, but hey--what are you gonna do?

Clint: [Hands Twitch a wad of cash and pockets the vial with a shrug] Eh. My mind didn't work that great before!

[The scene disappears and CLINT is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.087

Harvey : [Tuts] Private Scar, you'd ruin what mind you have left for muscles? What good would your muscles be in a fight if you didn't even realise yo= u were in a fight, what?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.088

Clint: Hell, just point me in the right direction and tell me "Clint smash!"

06.03.089

Charlie: Mr. Scar, how horrid! You really must take care with the remaining brain cells you have left to you!

06.03.090

Alice: Brain cell.

06.03.091

Austin : Well, some form of cell. Probably.

06.03.092

Clint: [Not as embarrassed as he probably should be.] Not anymore!

06.03.093


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 0


;;; Character: Alice


;;;Temptation level: 1


;;; Wisdom: 7. Modifier: 5. Roll needed: 2


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 4...fail!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "ALICE". ALICE steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but ALICE is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Alice's second temptation. She believes that she is at a fancy hotel.

[We see ALICE on a balcony, dressed to the nines, and very made up. Coming from behind her is DR. JEROME K. TRINDLE, BSC, PHD, wearing a tuxedo and looking very debonair.]

Jerome: Come on, Alice, you know that we're destined to be together. You can't fight it. Alice: [Head down] You have to make good what you've done, Jerome. Especially to Austin.

Jerome: Sure! That's what I'm trying to do -- why else do you think I'm brought the him back?

[The scene disappears and ALICE is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

Alice: [To the party] Er, they are just meaningless, right?


;;; So close to a pass! Poor Alice!

06.03.094

Harvey : I'm sure they are, dearest niece! Meaningless nonsense, designed to demoralise us!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.095

Charlie: But have any of us been faced with something we didn't genuinely find powerfully tempting? [To Alice] I realize that I'm not one to talk about dubious love interests, but really, JEROME? [Encouragingly] You can do better!

06.03.096

Alice: [Embarrassed] You mean like Pestilence?

06.03.097

Charlie: If you are suggesting that I am suggesting that you set your sights on Pestilence--then, NO. If you are suggesting that he isn't much of a catch, let me point out that, as I said, he is trying to reform his evil-doing ways. Also, he is extremely attractive, brilliant, well-traveled, well-read, a fascinating conversationalist, considerate, delightfully playful, terribly romantic, incredible in be-- [realizes she's going on and on and stops, embarrassed] . And so forth.

06.03.098

Austin : [Sarcastically] Hmm, yes, it was sooo considerate of him to murder Lucy.

06.03.099

Alice: Er, are you talking about Jerome or Pestilence?

06.03.099

Charlie: He told me he didn't do that! He swears that he can prove it to you, but I wasn't sure that you would be prepared to let him try.

06.03.100

Alice: I know, and that's why I'm not making excuses for him!


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 1

Character chosen: Austin, but they already have had three temptations. Re-roll: 5


;;; Character: Harvey


;;;Temptation level: 2


;;; Wisdom: 9. Modifier: 10. Roll needed: 1


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 15...fail!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "HARVEY". HARVEY steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but HARVEY is clearly unaware of them.]
Pob: [Voice over] This is Harvey's third temptation. In this, he believes that he is in the middle of a cataclysmic battle with his beloved party, fighting a really rather attractive demon called Groff.

[HARVEY is pursuing a disgusting looking demon, GROFF, down a passageway that has a dead end. GROFF turns to HARVEY, who is clearly holding a magical sword, which is glowing brightly.]

Groff: No! Please! I can grant your greatest wish, if you let me go and give me the sword.

Harvey: Never! Do you think I'd abandon the party?

Groff: I think you would if I could make you young and fit again, a young officer at the start of his career with a life of adventure and daring ahead of him.

Harvey: [Slowly lowers his sword] Okay, demon. Make me young and strong again. [Hands over the sword]

[The scene disappears and HARVEY is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.101

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

Charlie [stunned] Colonel! Abandoning the so-called troop! --Apple-Mail-2-1038985577 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

06.03.102

Alice: Hey! Remember, it's all just made up stuff! [Uncertainly] Isn't it?

06.03.103

Charlie: But there is truth in our feelings about these scenarios, as I havefreely admitted though I myself have passed mine!=

06.03.103

Austin : [To Alice] The account of the events provides adequate evidence to suggest that these temptations are not completely fictional.

06.03.104

Last from Heather and Dom


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 6


;;; Character: Titus


;;;Temptation level: 1


;;; Wisdom: 12. Modifier: 5. Roll needed: 7


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 17...fail!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "TITUS". TITUS steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but TITUS is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Titus' second temptation. He believes that he is guiding the party through the Temple of Elemental Evil, a place where he was before.]

[The party see TITUS leading them through a narrow corridor. He waves at them to stop, and slowly creeps forward, where he meets a seedy looking character, TWITCH.]

Twitch: Come with me, Titus, she's waiting for you -- Ritsuko is waiting for you.

Titus: [Eyes widen in surprise] Where is she? What about the others?

Twitch: You gotta cut them loose. I'm sure most of them will find the way out. Come on, it's now or never.

Titus: [Looks back at the party] Oh well, I'm sure they'll figure it out, after all, there's really only a 50% death rate here.

[The scene disappears and TITUS is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.105

Titus: [Heart beating much faster and for the first time hope in eyes] Ritsuko, Ritsuko ..... [Realizes the situation and lower his head in despair] Damned Illusions. [a single tear falls from his left eye]

06.03.106

Harvey : That's all they all, nothing but damned illusions! Fabrications designed to make us lose our way, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.107

Austin : Designed to slow us down I beleive, this is a time trial, after all. [Moves on]

06.03.108

Charlie: I quite agree, Mr. Sleaze. Let us stay the course and not stop to bicker. We must surely be almost through this infernal maze! [Follows Austin]

06.03.109

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "TITUS". TITUS steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but TITUS is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Titus' third temptation. In this, he is once again in the Temple of Elemental Evil with the party, and they are talking to Twitch.]

Twitch: So there it is, and this is a one time offer. One of you can travel back in time to this very spot, as far as you want, but the rest of you ... [makes a throat cutting gesture] What's it to be? Who needs to undo or redo something?

Titus: [Steps forward, not looking at the party] I'll do it.

[The scene disappears and TITUS is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.110

Dur: These tests are really revealing! How are we ever to trust one anotheragain?=

06.03.110

Titus: [Look left and right] The exit is that way ..... [He starts moving and stops] Wait! This is not the Temple ..... [He looks at the party] I did not travel in time ..... AAAAAARGH dammed illusions [He grabs his head out of frustration]

06.03.111

Harvey : Why would you want to travel back in time, eh?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.112

Titus: To right the wrong I have done. To change the fateful decision I make which ended with the death of the person I care the most about. To make the nightmares go away! But it was just a trick! I am destined to live and die with the weight of these terrible decisions for the rest of my life .....

06.03.113

Charlie: That does sound dreadful, though I must say you are a bit quick to throw us to the wolves, no?!

06.03.114

Titus: Nothing personal. You have no idea what I feel for Ritsuko. And I caused her death. I would do anything I could to change that if it was possible. Do you want to know the real kicker in this story? She was never attracted to me. I would die for her and she liked me as a friend. I need a drink, now .....

06.03.115

Alice: So, you were kind of a stalker who caused the death of the object of his obsession?

06.03.116

Titus: Not really. We were part of the same group. She knew I really liked her and enjoyed the attention and the flirting but did not want to take it further. I ended up causing her death by trying to save her. Made a deal with evil which evil was more than happy to break.

06.03.117

Clint: [Sagely.] That's why you should instead make deals with seedy little men in back alleys!

06.03.118


;;; Roll seven sided dice: 4


;;; Character: Dur


;;;Temptation level: 2


;;; Wisdom: 18. Modifier: 10. Roll needed: 8


;;; Roll twenty sided dice: 4...pass!

[The party reach another dead end. This time, painted on the wall is "DUR". DUR steps forward disappears through the wall. As before, the party can see all the action, but DUR is clearly unaware of them.]

Pob: [Voice over] This is Dur's third temptation. He believes that he is in a hotel room, talking to a woman, Hatie Kopkins.

[HATIE is a haughty looking, well dressed woman who speaks with a very sophisticated accent.]

Hatie: But my little Purr, don't you want to be with me?

Dur: Of course I do!

Hatie: Well then, you know what you need to do. Just remove Charlie from the party. It will be quick and painless. [Sees Dur's wretched look] If you want us to be together, you have to do it.

Dur: [Shakes his head] I'm sorry, I wish I could, but I can't!

[The scene disappears and DUR is left standing in a corridor, before the wall disappears and the party moves along so that they are together once again.]

06.03.119

Charlie: [To Dur, touched] Why, thank you! [Frowns] But who was that woman? And why did she want me removed from the party? I'm not sure I fully understand.

06.03.120

Austin : Indeed, these events are turning out to be rather instructional. Who on earth is Hattie?

06.03.121

Dur: Her name is Hatie, and I don't know who she is. Er, at least, I don't think I do. Gosh, look! Is that the finishing line?

06.03.122

Charlie: Don't change the subject! Who do you THINK she is?! [Discreetly peeks to see if, indeed, there is a finishing line nearby]

06.03.122

Austin : Ohh, Quick! Let us go [Rushes to the finishing line]

06.03.123

[The rest of the party hurry after AUSTIN, crossing the line where POB is waiting for them. As they cross there is thunderous applause from the audience.]

Pob: Well done Team Sane! That's first place! Tell me, Alice, how does it feel to know that your beloved uncle would abandon you for personal gain?

Alice: Uh, well, these really weren't true, so I guess it doesn't matter.

Pob: [Laughs] Oh, you know they were true!

06.03.124

Charlie: [To Pob, uncertainly] True in what sense, exactly?

06.03.124

Austin : [Smirks] Mostly true [To Dur] So who is Hattie?

06.03.125

Dur: [To Austin] Sh. Don't interrupt the monster.

Pob: True in the sense that this is what you really think! Are you ready for the next task? It really is the perfect time for your group to fall apart and become enraged about each others' secret desires!

06.03.126

Harvey : Lets get it over with, troop! [To Pob] Lead on!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.03.127

Pob: [Points to a huge double doors down at the bottom of some stairs] Go on down!

06.03.128

Austin : [To Pob] Is this the final challenge? What is it?

06.03.129

Pob: It sure is! You'll find out all about through those doors, where the boss from hell awaits you!

06.03.130

Titus: [Going through the doors] It cannot be worse than my own private hell.

06.03.131

[Exit THE PARTY through the doors after TITUS. POB turns to the audience.]

Pob: While they get ready, let me tell you about Uncle Dave's Kiddie Bits, made from real Kiddie Bits! [Takes out a huge bag of deep fried Kiddie Bits] Now with extra toes!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

06.03.131

Charlie: [Excited] I hope there is time to ask a few questions about Hell! Come along, group! [Heads through the doors]

06.03.132

Austin : [Sighs in relief] Boss from hell, is that all. [Follows Charlie]

06.04.001

[Book VII, Act VI, Scene IV. The Boardroom. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and TITUS are here, having just arrived. Also here is TEAM BLAND, made up of TIM JALPERT, PERRY MALMER, BAM PEESLEY, HYLAND ROWARD and SHEDLEY EVERUTH. They are already sitting at a huge boardroom table. There are several vacant seats for the party and, sitting across from them, is BONALD RUMP.]

Bonald: I see the second place team is here. [Gestures to the vacant chairs] You're just in time to see Team Insane get fired.

06.04.002

Charlie: [Takes a seat and mutters to the party, disappointed] I thought wewon!

06.04.003

Titus: Does it really matter?

06.04.004

Ausint : Winning is often preferable to death.

06.04.005

Titus: The goal was not to finish last. Does first or second matters?

06.04.006

Bonald: Of course it matters. Only a loser doesn't want to come first! [Gestures to Team Bland] Also, they get more resources for the final task.

06.04.007

Charlie: [To Titus, scolding] Do try and muster up a competitive spirit! We certainly must win this next round, or we will no doubt perish. [To Boland] And one does wish to win, purely for the sense of achievement, as well.

06.04.007

Austin : So how do we win, and what is the final task?

06.04.008

Dur: [Still upset about the temptations] If this is what achievement feels like just kill me now!=

06.04.009

Austin : You do not feel the sense of achievement until you win. I expect that this will be the first time for you?

06.04.010

Dur: [Angrily] For your information there was .... Errr.... Well yes I suppose it would be my first time.=

06.04.011

Tim: [Leans forward to look at Dur] Er, no it won't, because [quietly] we're going to win.

[All of TEAM BLAND high five TIM.]

Alice: That's the lamest trash talk I've ever heard!

Bonald: Your final task is to design and build a product. You will then be given a chance to pitch it to three high street retailers, and the team that gets the most orders will win. The team that doesn't will meet me back here in the boardroom where you will all be fired.

06.04.012

Charlie: How interesting! What sort of product? Anything we choose? [Eagerly] I should like to invent a book holder so that I might comfortably read at the beach.

06.04.013

Dur: Or Orphan snacks! Mad from real orphans!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.204.53.76 with SMTP id l12cs174159bkg; Wed, 9 Feb 2011 08:27:24 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <djmalzie@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@gmail.com designates 10.42.217.202 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.42.217.202; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@gmail.com designates 10.42.217.202 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.42.217.202] ) by 10.42.217.202 with SMTP id hn10mr10205021icb.168.1297268843538 (num_hops = 1); Wed, 09 Feb 2011 08:27:23 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type:content-transfer-encoding; bh=z0gHo8uPOjVog5oxzhZhHGTugjRpmzM1liCkf6hzF4E=; b=LddROq+lHLE2oVC4fLmucooES84gX4DE7QByeSqbaSOwSLBedKGXfDIA/d6EtOc9Kk 5gtBVubwnl5h2mSE0ITI+qYzkvqkRorQtOI5hT7boMSmhbZ0N1e6fvh5+BYzyPtOl0l9 Z0Idq0tS+164Q5V5KexvTszsrV9nzZPLms+EMDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type :content-transfer-encoding; b=YBRUkkoPCnSgWYuxYfZjqAdALfhSh3SrgW5JdPXSO4rkvzhskI2R/I6mpU51/1pBmX iTMwGoPpKjZPaspG+bAqoi/LFPCSKxMq7hP5cSLAK09VLp2qIIXHuMIorhOkI/jKHzCe wAf6VwPgKkGhRmvU46lt1MyHOqEO5jpaQo8/UMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.42.217.202 with SMTP id hn10mr7379075icb.168.1297268843493; Wed, 09 Feb 2011 08:27:23 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.42.219.68 with HTTP; Wed, 9 Feb 2011 08:27:23 -0800 (PST) Date: Wed, 9 Feb 2011 16:27:23 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTi=nMVNQO4onQ58Y1C3QTqkJF_XkCkb1Mkm7yfdB@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, TomHenderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Austin : [Alarmed at charlie's suggestion] It needs to be something that everyone will want, or we shall die. But do feel free to give all of your terrible ideas to the other team.

06.04.014

Alice: Or a book holder to help read comfortably at the beach! [Thinks] Or has that been invented already? It sounds kind of familiar.

06.04.015

Charlie: [To Austin, huffily] Well, it's all too easy to criticize my idea without risking ridicule by proposing your own! What product idea would YOU like to pitch?

06.04.016

Harvey : I suppose we should first find out what type of creature or demon we're selling our products too, troop. There's no point designing shoes if = our shoppers don't have feet, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.04.017

Austin : [To Charlie] And there is no point in pitching ideas infront of our opposition!

06.04.018

Bonald: There's no point in pitching ideas, period! I'll tell you what your target audience is. For this task, you will need to build a child minding device; in which someone can leave their beloved child for extended periods. It should keep them safe, warm and clean. Any questions?

06.04.019

Charlie: [Eagerly raises her hand] Yes! Are you from a particular hell dimension, or an actual place named Hell? If it is the former, I have 32 additional questions.

06.04.020

Clint: And how's this child-minding device different from your ordinary, run of the mill woman?

06.04.021

Bonald: Hah! I like this guy. If you lose the task, you won't be fired, I'll keep you alive in a small cage instead. [To Charlie] I don't care about your questions!

06.04.022

Charlie: [Coolly] Fine. [Perks up] Then let us begin our task! I already have SO many ideas.

06.04.023

Bonald: Right. [Gestures to another door to the one the party came in through] There's a pile of raw materials in each of your rooms; Team Bland get slight better ones because they won the last round. Off youse go.

06.04.023

Austin : But how long do we have? [Looks around] Getting a maid is the obvious solution, but it could be tricky to build one. [Looks around] What resources do we have?

06.04.024

Bonald: Two hours. I can't give you a maid, but I can supply a range of maid costumes.

[TIM and HYLAND break into big smiles and high five each other.]

06.04.025

Charlie: [Wearily] How reassuring to know that certain fetishes always seem to translate between dimensions! [To the party] Let us get to work! [Heads to the supplies room]

06.04.026

Clint: Haw! With our skills, making an artificial woman will be a piece of cake!

06.04.027

Austin : Well, I would be most greatful if you could supply us with several maids outfits. [Heads to the room]

06.04.028

Alice: [To Clint] As long as you don't intend on making a woman out of a piece of cake!


;;; Hey! It was in American Pie!

[The party leave, and head to a room with "Team Sane" written on the door. There is a huge pile of what appears to be trash in the corner, made up of paper, toilet roll inserts, old pieces of wood with rusty nails, etc. The party can find pretty much anything they want there, as long is it is something that they could reasonably find in a pile of rubbish. Also here is a pile of maids' dresses.]

06.04.030

Charlie: [Sifts through the trash] We can probably make a fake maid with thethings, but surely it wouldn't be able to care for or protect a child! [Ins= pired] perhaps a suit of cuddly armor?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.223.97.145 with HTTP; Thu, 10 Feb 2011 03:32:51 -0800 (PST) Date: Thu, 10 Feb 2011 11:32:51 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTimLp22=T5dMcqk4D6e33mJVMWS0269jZcoLu3nS@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: As long as we could trap the child in it, we'd be fine. Maybe we should build a cage? [Picks up a plank of wood with some rusty nails in it] This looks like we could use it, and here, [picks up a bottle of old pills] this is perfect for a rattle for the child!

06.04.030

Austin : With built in automated washing and feeding facilities. [Ponders]

06.04.031

Austin : Most of all it has to be attractive to the buyer. It needs to be completely sounds proof and smell proof, low maintenance, sexy and cool. [Ponders] Could be tricky.

06.04.032

Harvey : Sounds to me like we should build a reputable orphanage, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.04.033

Charlie: Ooooh, there's really nothing safer than a cage! And we can fashiona few automatic feeders, like we use with lab rats!=

06.04.034

Alice: But what about the smell? Maybe we could put them in a plastic bag or some other air tight container?

06.04.035

Harvey : Well that certainly never did me any harm as a child!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.04.036

Alice: Let's see what they have in this pile that could approximate a plastic bag? [Moves a plastic bag and finds an old condom, that she lifts up with a stick] How about this?

06.04.037

Alice: That's not really going to do much about the general stinkiness and tendency of children to roam around, is it?

06.04.038

Charlie: Indeed, not! Quickly group, we must formulate and execute a plan before we run out of time! Why don't we have Alice, Austin, and Dur weave a sort of plastic strait-jacket designed for use on an infant. That will address the smell and issues of various bodily leakages and so forth. You can use the plastic bags [points at the condom] but not THAT. In the meantime, Clint, Harvey, and Titus, why don't you work on constructing a small cage that can be locked from the outside. I'll work on fashioning lab rat-style feeding and watering devices out of soda bottles! [Claps her hands] You have your assignments, now get to work, chop chop!

06.04.039

Alice: Do we have to search through all this rubbish to find plastic bags? Really? Do you think [gestures to herself, Austin and Dur] we're in the habit of searching through trash? [Looks at Dur] Okay, well, maybe he is, but me and Austin? No way, hose. I mean, no way, Jose!

06.04.039

Titus: [Silently follow Charlie's orders]

06.04.040

Charlie: [To Alice] Yes, Princess! [To Titus] Do swap jobs with Alice, won't you? [To Dur, busily foraging for bits for the feeders] And while we work, do tell us what you know about this Hatie character! How can you not be sure if you know her, though you might be tempted to do away with me to be with her?!

06.04.041

Titus: [nods at Charlie and goes scavenging in the pile of trash]

06.04.042

Dur: I thought we had agreed that these temptations were meaningless? Besides, what man wouldn't be tempted to trade in his old ex-wife for a new, pos= sibly younger, one? [He is of course referring to the alternate reality period when Charlie and Dur inhabited a married couple.]

06.04.042

Alice: Maybe you should Titus to tell a story -- he's clearly bursting to talk!

[Goes to help with the construction of the cage.]

06.04.043

Alice: [Steps back from the badly built and, quite frankly, dangerous looking cage] Ta-da! It's perfect!

06.04.044

Charlie: [To Alice] Yes, since we have a bit more time, let us keep working to refine the design. [To Harvey and Clint, urgently] Do help her, won't you?! [To Dur, incredulous] So, you're claiming this woman was merely tempting to you because she is allegedly younger and prettier than me, your previous fake wife in an alternative reality?

06.04.046

Dur: [Looks thoughtful] Umm.... How do I put this delicately... HELL YES!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.204.53.76 with SMTP id l12cs229432bkg; Thu, 10 Feb 2011 08:22:26 -0800 (PST) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates 10.216.187.10 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.216.187.10; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates 10.216.187.10 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=heather.goggans@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.216.187.10] ) by 10.216.187.10 with SMTP id x10mr24175073wem.97.1297354946425 (num_hops = 1); Thu, 10 Feb 2011 08:22:26 -0800 (PST) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc :content-type; bh=awZpMOa1mjt8DoBfK30K0K99o4ILtE4Nd4I9NqrTldg=; b=eUTIW/9kyKVFOEDk0Ma+H7SRSJKQixBSxvfKfl7awMGrkEi8lSdRgtuRxonRA0mwFC R03fg+I48a4D6k8SlFff1x1IafENx4MjmpgDO5ZDJITcAr5ff2L0Y25CCrrlYleRuYRn 7VEL4DdsEdobZOqLjjQD/9g04tBVO5G2hpMT8DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=BUARGwSGDh5PcJchktqMZUeDXsH7bTMXaYjOs++js6bWNOluLS9BBvmtf3Y3KEOwav qPiewhlsTfSM8O6D58UB4WnOCRspSwdPxI73k9ZBj4nVU68mHuC9MBwwh+x5S4cgy6zs qQAUAbhKSC4O1SP/r0vMDVKEq+utkfT0eFcqUMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.187.10 with SMTP id x10mr17871854wem.97.1297354946017; Thu, 10 Feb 2011 08:22:26 -0800 (PST) Received: by 10.216.86.147 with HTTP; Thu, 10 Feb 2011 08:22:25 -0800 (PST) Date: Thu, 10 Feb 2011 16:22:25 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTikgMErPUxsdzzxgLz02HrVnT6EsCCyhTE3v82e2@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: I see. Well, I must say, I don't believe that flimsy explanation for a minute, [smiles at Dur brightly] though I will say that I do appreciate that, in the end, you chose not to have me killed, after all! [To Alice, still working away on her feeder] Now, about this Jerome thing. How long have you been pining for him, exactly?

06.04.047

Alice: Forget that! I want to know more about Hatie! Come on, Dur, dish! What's so great about her that you'd sacrifice party member for her?

06.04.047

Austin : [Watching the proceedings with concern] Probably about the same length of time that Trindle has been pining for her. [Looks at the girls] Perhaps this will all come down to presentation. I suggest that the girls dress up in the maids outfits for our presentaion of this device to our 'customers'. [Frowns at the general grubbyness of it all]

06.04.048

Dur: [Sighs] She's a woman I once had an affair with. It seems like a long time ago, now, though. =

06.04.048

Charlie: [Looks critically at the maid uniforms. To Austin] I have no intention whatsoever of wearing that. It would be absurd and demeaning.

06.04.048

Titus: Let the man be. The choices of the heart are often impossible to explain.

06.04.049

Alice: [To Charlie] It would be a little sexy though, you must admit!

[Work on the device is almost finished.]

06.04.049

Austin : This whole scenario is absurd ad demeaning. Besides, sex sells, no one cares what the product is really like when their are stunningly attractive girls in maids outfits presenting it, with a few gentlemen in the background to give the impression of genuineness. We are trying to save our dimension, after all!

06.04.050

Alice: Come on, Charlie, who hasn't dressed up as a saucy French Maid at some stage. I'm game, Aus, but [sternly] no spanking!

06.04.050

Titus: How far would you go to save your dimension?

06.04.051

Alice: Okay, a little spanking, but not by you!

06.04.051

Titus: Don't worry. I know that you and Charlie are off limit.

06.04.052

Charlie: [To the group, with a sigh] Very well, I shall wear this silly costume, if you really think it improves our chances of winning! [Ducks behind the garbage pile to change into the costume]

06.04.053

Alice: [Also changing] Hey, I wonder if we should sneak a look at the other team's one? You know, to see what we're up against?

06.04.054

Charlie: [Still getting dressed, calls out] Mr. Sleaze, why don't you size up the competition whilst we dress?

06.04.055

Clint: I'll give him a hand. And if theirs is better than ours, I say we just sort of accidentally trade with them!

06.04.056

Charlie: [Emerges from behind the trash pile wearing a saucy maid uniform that leaves little to the imagination] Do be serious, Mr. Scar! How could theirs be better than ours?

06.04.057

Alice: Agreed! Look how the rusty nails on the cage will deter any child from trying to escape. [Emerges from behind the trash] Ta-da!

[ALICE is wearing a super conservative, full length, Victorian-type maid dress. Her disappointment at seeing CHARLIE is clear to all.]

Alice: Hey! [Looks enraged] Hang on a second. [Disappears for a few moments, and comes back wearing an even saucier maid uniform than Charlie, and now smiling brightly] Right!

06.04.058

Austin : [Does some stealthy spying on the other team]

06.04.059

Alice: Hang on, Aus, let's take in the brilliance of our design first.

[ALICE takes the strait-jacket and puts it into the cage. It immediately gets caught on a nail. The rest of the cage is at least as dangerous, and contains many rusty nails and vicious splinters. The feeder is either constantly leaking or pouring so fast it is likely to drown a child, while the strait-jacket itself is almost certainly guaranteed to suffocate anyone unfortunate enough to be in it. It is, quite possibly, the worst and most dangerous child minding device ever created.]

Alice: [Pulls her now bleeding hand away] Looking good!

06.04.060

Charlie: [Takes a step back and looks critically at the device] Yes, there are a few rough edges, I grant you, but it IS only a prototype, after all. I think it will do splendidly!

06.04.061

Alice: [Barely able to conceal her excitement] I can't wait to see what kind of crap the others came up with, this is gonna be great!

[There is now about half an hour left. The party quietly open their door and creep out. This is the corridor they came in through, and they can see another door across the way, with "Team Bland" written on it. To the left is back to the boardroom, and, to the right, is another door which is ajar. The party can hear Team Bland members in there, drinking champagne and clearly in a celebratory mood, talking about how brilliant their design is and how awful the party's one is likely to be.]

Alice: [Offended] Well, that's just outrageous! Why weren't we told that there is champagne and snacks?

06.04.062

Clint: It's not too late to follow my plan, guys. I say we bust in, beat them up, swap designs, and take the champagne!

06.04.063

Alice: Let's all just calm down a second, Clint, and take a look at their design first. If, by some miracle, it's somehow better than ours, why then, we'll replace theirs with ours while they are distracted by the champagne and cheesy bits, and no one will ever know. Why, it's just so brilliant and evil I think I may have to become an evil criminal mastermind. Muh-ha-ha-snort! [Does an embarrassing snort during her evil cackle] Ahem. Maybe not.

06.04.063

Charlie: [Offended] I hardly see how theirs could be better. We have the advantage of a Phd on staff!

06.04.064

[The party tiptoe across the corridor, but there is suddenly a terrible clanking sound.]

06.04.064

Clint: [Snorts.] Having met too many PhDs, I'm pretty sure that's part of the problem, Chuck!

06.04.065

Austin : [Clenching his teeth, whispering] That didn't sound good. [looks around]

06.04.066

Alice: Sorry! My foot got stuck in a metal bucket! [Pulls it off and tosses it back into the party's room]

[They push the other door open. Inside sits a staggering feat of design and engineering; Team Bland have done a fantastic job, and have put together a playpen type design that is beautiful, safe and fun looking. It puts the party's one to shame.]

Alice: I suppose it isn't entirely awful.

06.04.067

Charlie: [Looks at the Team Bland design, dismayed] Well, to be fair, they WERE allowed access to better materials. I still think ours, with a bit of imagination always needed when considering a prototype, is the better design.

06.04.067

Austin : Are you kidding, it is dreadful! We should offer to swap our fantastic design for theirs! It is the only honourable thing to do.

06.04.068

Alice: By "offer to swap", do you mean steal and say nothing?

06.04.069

Charlie: [To Austin, clearly saving face] What a marvelous and entirely benevolent idea! [To the party] Come on, group, let us take advantage of their celebratory drunkenness and steal their project!

06.04.069

Austin : [Indignantly] No! Certainly not. I mean that I convince them that there product is far insuperior to ours and that we should swap rooms so that they can win. They deserve to win, after all.

06.04.070

Alice: [Incredulous] Why on earth would they do that?

06.04.071

Charlie: [Exasperated] Agreed, ours is simply dreadful! Theft is our only option, and as our resident thief I do hope you can get on board with this scheme!

06.04.072

Austin : [Sighs] The things I do for my dimension. [Decisively] Well, the simplest way to do this is to invite them to go and inspect our design, and whilst they are laughing at our product we switch the names on the doors and lock them in their room then lock ourselves into the new room so that they can't get in and claim that it is theirs, or swap the names back.

06.04.073

Charlie: [Indignant] And you think wearing this [shakes a flouncy skirt at him] isn't a sacrifice?! But your idea is quite good, Mr. Sleaze. Let us carry it out at once. [Enters Team Bland's room]

06.04.074

Alice: Why bother distracting them? Why not just swap the names on the door?

06.04.075

Austin : [Nods] Cunning, then we go into their room, and convince them to go to our room. If they don't go then we can just claim that they came to our room to get tips and hints.

06.04.076

Alice: [Swapping the signs] If they complain, we can tell them that they're too drunk to remember which room was theirs!

[Enter TIM, from Team Bland, walking up behind the party. (The signs have now been swapped)]

Tim: Who's too drunk?

06.04.077

Charlie: Your colleagues! I fear they will be unfit for the presentation. [Points to Team Sane's room] Quickly, they're all in there!

06.04.078

Tim: Really? Wow, I must be really drunk, because I thought they were still back in the refreshment room. I guess that's what happens when you drink half a cap full of champagne.

06.04.079

half >a cap full of champagne.

Dur: Half a cup!! Maybe you should sleep some of that off before the presentation?=

06.04.080

Charlie: Yes, do go and have a quick rest [helpfully points Tim toward the Team Sane room] ! We'll just be going back to our room now! [Tries to enter the Team Bland room]

06.04.082

Tim: [To Dur] It wasn't half a cup, it was half a cap. [Irritated, to Charlie] And I'm not so drunk that I'm going to let you into our room! [Steps in front of her]

[AUSTIN slips into the new Team Sane room (which contains the good machine).]

Tim: [Loudly] Back off!

06.04.083

Austin : [Sees the new product and giggle, then laughs almost crying] Is that it?

06.04.084

Alice: [Looks in] Uh, ye-es.

06.04.085


;;; Assuming Tim is still in the room

Austin : That is is awful, trully awful, ours is so much better.


;;; away now, have a good weekend!

06.04.086

Alice: It's okay, Aus, he's already gone into our room. Quick everyone! Let's get in and shut the door before-

[TIM's voice can be heard from the party's old room.

Tim: Hey!

06.04.087

Charlie: Hurry group, into the room! [Tries to enter Team Bland's room]

06.04.088

[Bang! The door slams, and all the party are now in Team Bland's old room, along with their super duper child minding device.]

Alice: Whoohoo! Team Sane rocks!

06.04.089

Austin : How long have we got left? Not long I hope. Mr Scar, perhaps you could prevent Team Bland from entering the room if they make an attempt. [Examines the device]

06.04.090

On Feb 14, 2011, at 12:39 PM, dom <djmalzie@gmail.com> wrote:

Charlie: Good thinking, Mr. Sleaze! Let us learn to use the device, and thenwe can prepare our presentation!=

06.04.091

Alice: [Checks her watch] About two minutes.

[The door opens, and TIM is there.]

Tim: Hey! You stole our machine!

06.04.092

Austin : [To Tim] What on earth are you talking about? We have done you a very great favour! [To Clint] Mr Scar, what did I ask you? Can you not perform the simplest of tasks?

06.04.094

Dur: Been drinking more I see? Would you like medical attention?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.223.97.145 with HTTP; Mon, 14 Feb 2011 06:43:42 -0800 (PST) Date: Mon, 14 Feb 2011 14:43:42 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=wiQNA9_w=onjrcNX42sWgP8PFFa=JyR-Ot4BK@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Tim: What favour? You stole our machine! [To Dur] Hey, it was just a few drops of champagne, I'm no longer an alcoholic!

06.04.095

Charlie: [To Tim, impatiently] Do be serious! Our rooms are clearly labeled, and this is OUR room. Do go back to your room and stop trying to sabotage our presentation preparation!

06.04.096

Tim: Cheats!

[Enter POB, pushing his way passed the rest of Team Bland.]

Pob: Okaaaaay! Time's up! Ready for your demonstrations?

Tim: They cheated!

[The rest of Team Bland loudly agree. However, much to their surprise, he bends over and bites TIM's head off.]

Pob: I hate whiners. I said "Ready for your demonstrations?"

TeamBland: Yes!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

06.04.096

Austin : [To Tim, fixing him with a steely stare] My poor, poor Tim. Mr Titus was rather naughty and cast a rather confusing illusion upon you and your colleagues, the illusion that your device is ours and that ours, yours. [Triumphantly] But! I shall have none of Mr Titus's naughtyness and shall not allow my team to abuse your deluded condition. I can assure you that your product will look as it should within 3 minutes or so, and everything will be quite normal. [Sighs] unfortunately it is clear that we shall loose to you, but at least we shall loose honestly. [Tries to guide Tim out of the room]


;;;; Austin tries to use his POWER of dissuasion on Tim

;;;; Yes Austin has a power :) it works sometimes.

06.04.097

Titus: [Looking pissed off at Austin] You had to tell him, you do goodder .....

06.05.001

[Book VII, Act VI, Scene V. The Boardroom. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and TITUS are here, along with the remainder of Team Bland and POB and BONALD RUMP. The two machines have been brought in. The party's old one somehow looks even worse now, while their new one looks beautiful. It is a circular playpen with colourful designs, a small feeding area and even and automatic diaper changing device.]

Bonald: [Gives each of the machines a baleful look] I see.

Perry: [One of Team Bland] Might I just say something?

Bonald: No. Team Sane are up first. [Looks at the maid costumes] You get extra points for the nice costumes. [Writes something down] You lose points for not all wearing them. Right, make your pitch!

[ALICE and CHARLIE stand up beside the device, showing it off in true game show fashion.]

06.05.003

Bonald: Put in the test baby.

[WINKY appears with what appears to be a demon baby, who crawls around happily, pausing for a feed and a quick diaper change.]

Alice: Notice how the little darling is protected from any outside dangers, and is still within easy reach of Mom! [Reaches in to pick up the child, only to jump back when it growls at her] Er, if she wants, that is.

06.05.004

Charlie: [To Bonald] Have you any questions?

06.05.005

Bonald: No, I'm actually really impressed. The quality of the presentation [gives each of Dur, Titus, Harvey, Clint and Austin a disgusted look] was pretty poor, but still, it's pretty good. [To Team Bland] Okay, put the child into yours, I'd like to see the demonstration first.

[The unfortunate demon baby is stuffed into the straitjacket and placed into the cage. The child can neither breathe nor move, and is soon almost drowned by an out of control baby feeder shooting water at her.]

Bonald: Not too impressive so far.

[The cage collapses, squashing the child, before falling over on its side and catching fire.]

Perry: Of course, it is only a prototype.

06.05.006

Charlie: [To Perry] Stop making excuses! Plainly, your design was badly planned and poorly executed. [To Bonald, excited] Did we win??


;;;That's my three!

06.05.007

Clint: Well, their prototype is probably better at keeping baby warm, anyway!

06.05.008

Charlie: [Swats at Clint impatiently] Don't point out their positive features! We are on the brink of victory!


;;;Heh heh! Funny one, Tom!

06.05.009

Clint: And a well-deserved victory, too! Due entirely to hard work and cunning planning!


;;; Plus, as Swift and the American Beef Council would tell us...

;;; Baby. It's what's for dinner!

06.05.010

Austin : So glad that you feel that you contributed, Mr Scar. [Checks his nails briefly] Of course, our victory has not been confirmed, and is far from certain in these climes. Even if the girls look rather good in the [Draws attention to the girls. Emphasis] maids outfits.

06.05.011

Charlie: [Grits her teeth, then puts on a very unconvincingly coquettish voice, batting her eyes at Bonald] Indeed, all of this suspense is making me most excited! [Bounces up and down a few times then does an awkward little twirl to showcase the flounciness of her skirt]

06.05.012

Alice: [Jealously dismayed] Hey! I can twirl too! [Spins around very quickly, but, for a finish, staggers dizzily up against the boardroom table and pukes up on it]

Bonald: [Looks down and the pile of vomit for a moment, before looking back to the party] What is this? Snacks?

06.05.013

Clint: [Brightly.] Only the best for the host!

06.05.014

Bonald: Mm! My favourite! [Picks up a piece of diced carrot and pops it in his mouth, before looking the horrified reactions of both Team Bland and Team Sane] What? I'm a demon, what did you expect? Cutlery and snakes' feet?

Perry: Er, Mr. Bonald, we'd like to issue a complaint, if that's okay, your worshipfulness. [Points at the party] They cheated and stole our design!

Bonald: [Takes another carrot before addressing the party] Is that true?

06.05.015

Charlie: [To Bonald, trying not to get sick] Yes, sir! But we prefer to think of it as maximizing our strategic advantage through clever resource management!

06.05.016

Clint: 'sides, no one said it was against the rules anyway.

06.05.017

Bonald: [Nods] True, true. So, let me get this straight; you build an ugly and dangerous product which was clearly going to lose, and then you stole a better one and hoped that some pretty girls in flouncy dresses giving out delicious hot snacks would make you win?

06.05.018

Charlie: Yes! [Hopefully] Wasn't that clever of us?

06.05.019

Bonald: I must admit, it certainly was. [Gives Alice a wink] The snacks swung it for me, by the way.

Alice: [Looking very ill] Burp!

Perry: I protest! This is unfair!

Bonald: True, but we're a hell dimension, so what did you expect? You're fired!

[The roof suddenly opens, and Team Bland are shot up through the ceiling. The party don't see them land, but there is a sickening squelch, followed by loud cheering.]

06.05.019

Austin : Indeed, we improvised and used our skills to our best advantage, and in keeping with some of the best entrepreneurs, was 'borrowed' an un-patented product from some failing competitors, turned it around and made it into a highly competitive product.

06.05.020

Charlie: [Claps her hands, delighted] Well done, group!

06.05.021

Austin : [Sighs in relief, then cringes a the sounds of Team Bland squelching] Well done to Alice too, that was some perfectly timed vomiting. Not something that I ever thought I would appreciate. [Grimaces at the puke, and turns away]

06.05.022

[Enter POB.]

Pob: Congratulations! You are through the qualifying rounds!

06.05.023

Charlie: How splendid! What happens now?

06.05.024

Austin : [Looks annoyed] Qualifying rounds? [Sighs]

06.05.025

Pob: [Points at Austin] That's right, my enthusiastic friend! Your party has been chosen to judge your dimension by. You represent the most knowledgeable, cleverest and downright sneaky that we could find -- well, at least from the four groups we looked at -- and now you will defend your dimension. To the death!

06.05.026

Dur: [Aghast] From what?

06.05.027

Pob: That will be your choice!

Alice: [Still looking a bit green] Let's pick a tiny, adorable and harmless kitten, because that'll be really easy to defend against, although they can have really sharp claws!

Pob: I'm afraid you only get to choose a door, and whatever is behind that will be your test.

06.05.028

Charlie: Not to worry, group! We have been doing marvelously well so far. [To Pob] Where are the doors we have to choose from?

06.05.029

Pob: [Dramatically] Right through [points the wall] there!

[There is a flash of light and burst of smoke that has everyone coughing. When it clears, there is still a bare wall there.]

Pob: [Sighs irritably] I don't know, and people claim we're not live. Let's try that again. Right through [points at the wall] there!

[The wall slides up revealing a larger room, about 30' square, that has three doors off it.]

06.05.030

Clint: Using my experience as a reality show host, I say we pick door #2! [To Pob, trying for "sympathetic"] Problems with the production department?

06.05.031

Pob: [Nods] Someone will have their head eaten tonight. [Whispers to the party] Try picking Door #1.

06.05.031

Charlie: Excellently argued, Mr. Scar! Let us go with experience then, group! [Heads for door 2]

06.05.032

Charlie: [To Pob] We made our choice, with Mr. Scar's informed advice. We choose Door 2!

06.05.033

Pob: Really? Are you sure? You sure you wouldn't rather Door 1? It's a very fine door.

06.05.034

Charlie: [Firmly] Absolutely not! Did you learn nothing about the Parker-Kensington strength of will in watching me face down all temptation?! [Adamantly] Door. Number. 2!

06.05.034

Austin : [To Pob] What is wrong with door 2? Why are you so keen on Door 1? What is behind it and why is that a better choice for us than door 2?

06.05.035

Pob: I'm sure there's nothing wrong with Door 2, it's just that I'm pretty sure I'd pick Door 1. However, who am I to argue with the Parker-Kensington strength of will?

[POB steps back into the boardroom and a door closes behind him, so that the party are left alone in the big room. There is an ominous rumbling from Door 2]

Alice: Er, should we have picked Door 1?

06.05.036

Austin : We may never know. [Sighs] But this is some form of hell dimension so if door 1 is better they will probably show us just to make us feel bad.

06.05.037

Charlie: No doubt all three choices are dreadful, but we had to choose [emphasis] something! [Goes to open the door] Be ready for anything, group!

06.05.038

[The door stops, and POB's voice booms out.]

Pob: [Voiceover] Before we show them the contents of Door 2, let's see what was behind Door 1.

[The door slides up to reveal stacks and stacks of designer clothes, fantastic smelling cigars, a selection of high quality hair care products, a few dozen porcelain cups and a basket of adorable kittens.]

Alice: What a gyp!

06.05.039

Titus: Darn! These were good looking cigars .......

06.05.039

Austin : [Glazed over at the stacks of designer clothes] Gorgeous Harmony sleepy masks in quilted baby chinchilla skin [Gasps]

06.05.040

Pob: Aaaand behind Door Number 3, the tastiest snacks in Ludusity!

[The door slams shut, and Door 3 opens to reveal piles and piles of warm, soft carrots.]

Alice: Yeesh. Thank God we didn't pick Door 3.

Pob: Hey! They're considered a delicacy here!

06.05.041

Charlie: [Skeptically] I hardly think we would have been faced with a pile of carrots as a final challenge. This is obviously a trick to make us feel foolish!

06.05.042

Alice: Then the joke is on them, because I already felt foolish! [Smugly folds her arms, but then thinks hard] Hey!

[Door #2 opens. Enter THE MONSTER, leaping in. It is terrifying looking, with unnatural blue fur, eyes that roll around wildly and what appears to a half eaten animal in one of its claws.]

Monster: Oookie! Oookie!

06.05.043

Austin : [Squeals] Oh no! Oh no, no, no [Ducks behind the rest of the party] Let him eat Mr Dur first, it will probably choke to death!

06.05.044

Alice: And we have no weapons!

Monster: Oookie! [Takes a big bite of the animal, throws it at the party]

06.05.045

Austin : [Still hiding behind the rest of the party] It appears to be friendly, it is giving us it's food, we should return the gesture, to bond with the monster. Mr Dur, perhaps you could eat some of the animal appreciatively, then pass the rest back to the monster?

06.05.046

Alice: Good idea, Aus. [To Dur] In fairness, we have seen you eat far worse!

06.05.047

Dur: [Shakily] Fair enough! [Taking a bite that seems larger than what would be required, he rolls the head back to the monster] .=

06.05.048

Dur: [Shakily] Fair enough! [Taking a bite that seems larger than what would be required, he rolls the head back to the monster] .

Monster: [Roars angrily] Ooooookie!

[The MONSTER runs at the party, causing them to scatter, but they are trapped in the room, which now seems very, very small.]

Alice: [To Dur] Give it back! Give it back!

06.05.049

Charlie: He does not appear to be attacking us, group! But what does he want?! [To the monster] Excuse me? Is there something we could do for you, to appease your horrible appetite?

06.05.050

Austin : [Hurrying to a corner] Ms Parker-Kensington! You cannot assume that the monster has a horrible appetite, let alone insinuate such libelous allegations!

06.05.051

Charlie: [A bit huffily] That's DR. Parker-Kensington! And plainly, he is rather hungry, no?!

06.05.052

Dur: [Still running] Maybe he just wants a Cookie!?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.223.97.145 with HTTP; Wed, 16 Feb 2011 06:55:28 -0800 (PST) Date: Wed, 16 Feb 2011 14:55:28 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTim8b9_qWtY9b=VStaSA=f1ph-HfTEGmfPL-=mnB@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: dom <djmalzie@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, "chinca.al@tbcam.com" <chinca.al@tbcam.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, qvblogger <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable


;;; Tom is in and out today

Clint: Maybe he's just being friendly. [Approaches the monster] Here boy, coochie-coochie-coo!

[The MONSTER picks up CLINT and throws him at HARVEY.]


;;;; Clint lose 15hp, Harvey lose 12hp

Clint: [Lying on the floor] Nope. He's not friendly.

06.05.052

Titus: May be he wants carrots?

06.05.052

Austin : No, Charlie, I don't think so, if he was hungry why would he throw his food at us? He seems rather child like, perhaps you could sing him a lullaby?

06.05.053

Alice: What the hell are we going attack him with?

06.05.054

Charlie: Our fists and wits, it seems! Let's try to knock him down, at least! [Tries to grab onto the monster's leg]

06.05.055

Alice: Wits? We're screwed.

[The MONSTER kicks CHARLIE away, sending her crashing into the wall, before it starts bearing down on ALICE.]


;;; Lose 15hp Charlie

Alice: [To the party] Never fear! I think I may have mastered its language! [To the Monster] Oookie? Oookie-oookie?

[The MONSTER smashes ALICE over the head.]


;;; Lose 16hp Alice

Alice: Ow! [To the party, whispering] I think he's gay!

06.05.056

Dur: Does anybody have a cookie?

06.05.057

Clint: [Exasperated] Sure, Doc, let me just get one from the picnic basket!

Alice: There's a picnic basket? Why didn't you say so earlier, Stinky? I'm starving!

06.05.058

Charlie: I don't even have pockets! Quickly, group, does anyone have anything useful on hand?

06.05.059


;;; Unfortunately, the party have nothing, not even pocket mirrors!

;;; All their stuff was taken when they woke in the Bream Room.

[The MONSTER growls at CLINT, even more enraged, and smashes him with one of his claws.]


;;; Lose 17hp Clint

Alice: Come on! Think! There must be some way of hurting him. [Throws the half eaten animal at him, but it just bounced off] He must be immune to small animals!

06.05.059

Clint: I thought you PhDs weren't supposed to ask stupid questions, Sarge! [Tries to keep between the monster and the rest of the party.] Err.... (singing badly) "C is for cookie, that's good enough for me!"

06.05.059

Austin : [Quickly] I have a pocket mirror [Shows the mirror to the monster so that it can see itself in it]

06.05.060

Charlie: [To Alice] Since we are already dressed in these offensive outfits, perhaps we may as well engage in further demeaning behavior? [Bellows] Girl fight! [Attempts to pull the monster's hair]


;;;Yes, I *am* running out of ideas! How did you notice?!

06.05.060

Austin : Titus, use your magic to shrink him, or put him to sleep or pacify him? Something!

06.05.061

[CHARLIE grabs a handful of hair, but only seems to irritate the MONSTER, who throws her against a wall. Meanwhile, HARVEY lands a fine punch on the MONSTER, only to find that he has hurt his hand against him.]


;;; Lose 13hp Charlie, lose 5hp Harvey

Alice: [To Dur and Titus] Come on! Surely one of you can cast a spell?

06.05.062

Titus: But they said magic was not allowed. Well let's try this [Cast a deep slumber spell on the innocent monster]

06.05.063

Austin : [Whispering] They said that magic was not allowed in the first round, that's all. [Watches the monster to see if it falls asleep]


;;;awa hame

06.05.064

Clint: Besides, hurry up and fight here - we're losing! [Picks himself back up, painfully, and moves back into position.] I'll hold him off if you guys can think of something!


;;; Awa to work. =)

06.05.065

Charlie: [Snaps the heels off of her saucy stilettos and hands one to Clint] Here, Mr. Scar! This might be the best we can do if spells will not work! [Holds her other heel like a dagger and waits to see if Titus's spell works]

06.05.066

[TITUS casts his spell, but it has no effect. Meanwhile, ALICE, CHARLIE, CLINT and HARVEY, each armed with a stiletto, attack. Their pointy heels, however, just bounce off him. The MONSTER gives a deafening roar, and knocks each of them to the ground, before turning to TITUS.]


;;; HP loss: Alice 8, Charlie 9, Clint 8, Harvey 8

Alice: Oh no! He's immune to magic, and pointy heels!

06.05.067

Titus: Fire? May be fire? [Launch a fireball on the monster]

06.05.068

[The fireball completely engulfs the MONSTER, but he doesn't seem in the least bothered by it.]

Alice: Oh, crap. Now he's angry AND he can burn us!

[The MONSTER bears down on TITUS and slams a claw into his stomach, knocking him to the ground.]


;;; Lose 18hp Titus

Alice: Gah! He's immune to fire! What on earth is he not immune from?

06.05.069

Charlie: I know! No man is immune to THIS! [Tries to kick the monster in the crotch]

06.05.070

Clint: [Wincing] There's fighting monsters, and then there's just being cruel! [Struck by a thought.] Bimbo, try singing Deline Cion at it!

06.05.071

[CHARLIE's foot connects with an audible clang.]


;;; Charlie lose 2hp

Alice: Good idea, Clint. My beautiful voice will surely sooth the savage beast. [Breaks into song, horribly tunelessly and out of key] Hear, Car, Forever you are, I will heave for the fart does go on!

[The MONSTER, now even angrier, makes a beeline for ALICE and punches her in the face. Everyone feels some slight relief at the relative peace now that she is no longer singing.]


;;; Alice lose 10hp

Alice: Hey! Now that's just rude! [To the party] This is totally unfair! We can't harm him, and have no clue as to what he might not be immune to!

06.05.072

Titus: Charlie, what was the name of the worst monster in this place and his only non immunity from the first round speed questions?

06.05.073

Charlie: [Smacks her head] Titus, you're quite right! As I recall, this creature has a weakness for tears! Quickly, group! Think about the most dreadful thing that has ever happen to you! [Tries to muster up a good cry]

06.05.073

Titus: [Start thinking of what has happened to Ritsuko in the Temple of Elemental Evil and his role in it and let go, starting to cry like a little baby]

06.05.074

Alice: Great! I can cry on command. [Plucks out a nose hair, bringing tears to her eyes]

[The MONSTER backs away from ALICE.]

06.05.074

Clint: [Offended] You want me to do *what*, Sarge? No way in hell am I crying for this guy! I'm a man, man!

06.05.075

Alice: Oh, please, Clint! Every time you watch "Ol' Feller" you cry like a baby!

06.05.076

Dur: I have a better idea! Here you go Clint! [Tries to kick Clint in the nuts] =

06.05.076

Charlie: [Delighted] It's working! [Weepily tries to wipe some tears directly on the monster]

06.05.077

Clint: [Takes a foot to the groin and tears up on cue.] Oh god, why?!!


;;; Hmm, 6 messages all at once!

06.05.078

Harvey : I have never cried, but let me try! [Scrunches up his eyes and goes red, before farting massively] Oops, excuse me, troop!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.05.079

Monster: Ooo-oo-oooookie! [Does what appears to be a finger gun at Harvey]

Alice: Good grief, I think your flatulence must contain some sort of monster pheromones!

06.05.080

Charlie: [To Harvey] Surely the thought of pleasuring this monster is enough to make you cry? Or would you rather Dur give you the Clint Treatment?!

06.05.081

Austin : [Who was already crying a little but holding it in well, goes into full blub] I don't want to dieeeeee!

06.05.082

Alice: Better get that testicle boot ready, Dur!

[The MONSTER is clearly avoiding the rest of the party, but advances towards HARVEY, licking his lips.]


;;; And there we will pause until Monday!

06.05.083

Charlie: [To Dur, panicked] Quickly! You're going to have to kick him!

06.05.084

[With unnerving accuracy, DUR's foot flies towards the target, before making contact with a sickening squelch, causing HARVEY to drop to his knees.]

Dur: Hurrah! Dur saves the day!

06.05.085

Charlie: Well done, Dur! I believe we've uncovered your greatest skill!

06.05.086

Austin : [Still sobbing in the corner] I don waanaaa dieeee.


;;; out all day

06.05.087

[Tears well up in HARVEY's eyes just as the MONSTER swings at him. When the MONSTER connects, he burns his hand off HARVEY's face, and pulls back in terror.]

Monster: [Enraged] Oookie!

06.05.088

Charlie: [Weeping and cheering] Attack, group! [Tries to smear tears on the monster]

06.05.089

Harvey : [In a high pitched voice] By the saints, what an odd way to save someones life! [Blubs openly, flicking his tears at the monster]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.05.089

[CHARLIE touches the MONSTER and it screams as it burns on contact. It tries to slash at her, but misses.]

Alice: This is great! He can't touch us and has nothing to throw at us.

[The MONSTER squats and looks like he is concentrating hard.]

Alice: ... so far!

06.05.090

Charlie: [Disgusted] Tackle him before he can defecate, group! [Tries to knock the monster off his feet]

06.05.091

[Everyone leaps onto the MONSTER, who writhes in pain, but it is too late. The blubbering party soon have him melted away to nothing, and all that is left is a tiny pile of blue fur.]

Alice: [Lying on the bottom of the pile of party members] Hurrah! We got him!

06.05.092

Charlie: [Triumphantly] Bravely fought, group! [Smiles proudly at Dur, patting him on the arm] And we couldn't have done it without our Dur!

06.05.093

Alice: That's most testicle kicking I've seen since my senior Prom!

06.05.094

Harvey : [To Dur] You got one shot, and one shot only! Never try that again, sir!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.05.095

Clint: Really! Sometimes a guy'd rather get his head torn off by a rampaging blue machine of destruction then take a shot to the twig and berries!


;;; Or, with Clint, is that twig and berry? I've forgotten.

06.05.096

Dur: Surely, I will make a note of that next time...

06.05.097

Charlie: [Looks around expectantly] So, have we won?!


;;;As Clint's former player, I believe it's berries now, Tom!

06.05.098


;;; Correct!

[The door swings open to reveal POB, who looks extremely disappointed.]

Pob: So, yeah, congratulations and what-not.

06.05.099

Charlie: Splendid! What have we won?

06.05.100

Pob: [Sighs, looking at his watch] The safety of your dimension.

06.05.101

Dur: [Obviously a little disappointed] Ummm... Yay?

06.05.102

Charlie: [To Dur, reassuringly] Not to worry! I'll see to it that you have a fine big meal at our next convenience. [To Pob] Well, that's simply marvelous. I presume we're free to go then?

06.05.103

[Enter BONALD.]

Bonald: [Slaps Pob on the back] Don't be so down, Pob! [To the party] Rules are rules. We only invade dimensions that we think we'll defeat. It seems like you're too strong -- for now. [To Charlie, gesturing to another set of double doors behind him] Yes you are, and who knows, maybe we'll see each other again. [To Alice] If you're ever in the neighbourhood, I could certainly do with some more of your delicious warm carrots.

Alice: Don't make me sick!

Bonald: I might have to!

06.05.104

Charlie: [Unsure] Yes, well, I suppose that is good news, then! For now! [To the party, in a low voice] Let us go at once! I don't think I could tolerate another moment in this absurd costume! [Heads for the double doors]

06.05.105

[Exit the party through the double doors, to the sound of some low level booing from the audience.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

06.06.001

[Book VII, Act VI, Scene VI. The Corridor. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and TITUS are here, having just left the monster area. Also here waiting for them is WINKY. It is a blank, grey corridor, with another double doors at the other end. All the party's equipment is here.]

Winky: Well, I sure hope you all had a fantastic time!

06.06.002

Charlie: [Happily grabs her normal clothes from the pile. To Winky] Er, well, I suppose all that matters is that we succeeded! I must say, though, the crowd didn't seem terribly impressed with what I felt was quite a good performance on our part!


;;;That's my three!

06.06.003

Dur: I suppose it turned out better for us than most of our escapades tend to. Do we get to go home now?

06.06.004

Harvey : [Gingerly bends down and picks up his clothes] What did that Bonald chappie mean by "for now"? Don't tell me this is going to become a regula= r thing, what?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

06.06.005

Charlie: [In a low voice] Yes, it does sound rather sinister, doesn't it? And even if our dimension is safe, others must surely be in danger of invasion! When we return, I should very much like to research Ludusity further.

06.06.006

Austin : [Straightening his cuff, clearly much relieved to be back in his suit] Well, if you spent more time researching something other than Petsy's anatomy, you might have known about it already, and avoided the life threating situation that we have just faced!

06.06.007

Charlie: [Smugly] Mr. Sleaze, Pestilence has hundreds of thousands of years of sexual experience and enough physical strength to rip me to pieces with his bare hands. Forgive me for finding him an entirely welcome distraction.

06.06.008

Austin : [Pretends to consider] Hmm. No. I don't think so. We should all put the greater good before our personal sexual gratification. Or do you think that I should sacrifice someone to bring Lucy back? [Looks smug]

06.06.009

Clint: C'mon, guy... err... people. Didn't we just go over this?


;;; And I'm back from Dallas. Go me!

06.06.010

Charlie: [To Austin, impatiently] You cannot possibly expect that I would possess--or indeed that anyone COULD possess--an exhaustive knowledge of every known dimension, or that my failure to possess such knowledge is the equivalent of sacrificing someone?! As for any further discussion of Pestilence, Mr. Scar is quite right. Do let us move on!


;;;Welcome back, Tom! : )

06.06.011

[The double doors that the party came through open; enter WINKY.]

Winky: Hi there! Don't forget your prizes! [Hands an envelope to each party] Thank you so much for playing!

06.06.012

Charlie: [To Winky] Oh, what a nice surprise! [peeks into the envelope]

06.06.013

[CHARLIE fishes out the contents of the envelope. It is a voucher for 50% off any purchase from "Uncle Dave's Kiddie Bits All You Can Eat Extravaganza"]

Winky: It's finger lickin' good!

06.06.014

Austin : [Carefully opens his envelope and looks at what is inside. To Charlie] Perhaps you can swap that for something useful?

06.06.015

Charlie: [Eyeing the voucher skeptically] I can't imagine how, though to be fair I cannot think of anything LESS useful, so anything would be a trade up!

06.06.016

Alice: How about a 45% off voucher? That's less useful!

06.06.017


;;; Sent to just me by accident!

Austin : [Sighs and smiles] Mathematical genius, Alice, genius [Winks at Alice]

06.06.017

Austin : [Sighs and smiles] Mathematical genius, Alice, genius [Winks at Alice]

06.06.018

Charlie: [Pockets the voucher with a sigh] Perhaps I can use it as a bookmark, at least! [To the party] Right, group! I suppose we can simply leave now, though how we will make our way back to our own dimension I couldn't begin to guess! [Heads for the exit]

06.06.019

Winky: [Gestures to the far double doors] Just through those, and through the next ones, and you're home. [Cheerily] Thanks for playing!

[Exit the party through the double doors, into an identical empty corridor. Up ahead is yet more doors.]

Alice: Yeesh, it's kind of an anti-climax, isn't it? We save the world and all we get is some lame voucher that we can't even use in our dimension!

[Exit ALL.]


;;; End of act, next one coming right up