04.01.001

[Book IV, Act I, Scene I. A very small shed. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and HARVEY are here, having just appeared in what appears to be a garden shed that is absolutely packed with dog food.]

Alice: [Looking around] Yikes! Someone sure has a lot of dogs. [Spots Austin's orb] Uh oh! Are you sure that was such a good idea, Aus? After all that strangeness, I think we need a bit of normality.

[The door swings open. Enter ARCHIE "ANGRY" ANDERSON, a huge hulk of a man who looks super strong.]

Angry: [Taken aback at seeing the party] What? How? Wh- [Bursts into tears]

04.01.002

Austin : [To Angry] Aaaah, please do excuse our uninvited intrusion, we shall leave immediately.

04.01.003

Charlie: Yes, but first, could you tell us where and when we are?

04.01.004

Angry: [Drops to his knees, sobbing] Hout hide heens hew!

Alice: [Quietly to the party] Er, we can't really get out with him blocking the door, can we?

04.01.005

Austin : [Looking at the dog food] Not unless you are really really hungry! [Looks at Angry] I think he said 'outside Queens View'. We appear to have rather upset him.


;;;;awa hame

04.01.006

Angry: Why? Why! How did you find me?

Alice: Somewhat difficult to understand, what with all that sobbing and such.

04.01.007

Harvey : Indeed dear niece! [To Angry] I say sir, man up, what! Stop that sobbing this moment!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.008

Austin : [To Angry] Would you mind letting us out of your shed, we do not want to inconvenience you any further.

04.01.009

Charlie: Yes, we only came upon you by sheer accident, I assure you! We did not intend to make you cry, so do calm down and we shall be going.

04.01.010

Dur: Indeed. We prefer to make you cry on purpose, not by sheer accident.


;;; Back

04.01.011

Alice: Although we're not above taking credit for it!

Angry: [Looks around at the party, before fixing a glare on Austin] Inconvenience me? I'm about to be killed in a really gruesome way, do you really think I care about inconvenience?

[The party form a huddle to discuss this question.]

Alice: I would have thought no, but he seemed so enraged about our presence, I'm thinking yes.


;;; Whoohoo!

04.01.012

Dur: Maybe we can reason with him?

04.01.013

Harvey : I wonder who's trying to kill him? I seem to think he thought it might be us!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.014

Angry: No, it wasn't you, but I saw you in my vision, just before I died.

04.01.015

Harvey : Erm, I see. [Turns to the others] Absolutely mad, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.016

Charlie: [To Angry] How fascinating! Tell me more about your vision, if you would? [Flips open a notepad] For instance, had you any clues as to the time of day, year, or the date itself? How did you die? What were we doing in the vision? Did you see ALL of us? And so forth!

04.01.017

Angry: I think it was roughly around now, that's why I left Queens View and came here. I stocked up with food so I could hide until everything was done. I saw you all at Madame Eternuer's place.


;;; Unless you've been told otherwise, you haven't heard of this place.

04.01.018

Dur: Nonsense! I have never even been to a brothel!

04.01.019

Harvey : What sir! There are no brothels in Queens View, surely!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.020

Charlie: [Gasps] Perhaps your wife has returned?!

04.01.021

Angry: It's not a brothel! It's just a place where... gentlemen can go to have certain, shall we say, services rendered to them. And it's not just men!

04.01.022

Harvey : Be that as it may, I am sure you are mistaken, for we would never frequent such a place, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.023

Austin : By the sounds of it, no one has ever been there. Perhaps we should try tosave this poor fellow's life? [To Angry] Do you think that we might be able to help you, keep you alive?

04.01.024

Angry: Just because you haven't been there doesn't mean you never will. [To Austin] Maybe that's what kills me! [Starts to tear up again] All the visions are coming true. Soon it will be my turn. What a truly disgusting way to die!

04.01.025

Charlie: Perhaps then we should leave you well alone! [To the party] Group, let us go into the town and see what we can learn.

04.01.026

Angry: Yeah, why don't you do that?

Alice: Uh, why do you have so much dog food?

Angry: Because I'm planning on hiding out here for the next few months.

04.01.028

Dur: That's absurd! [Eyes the dog food hungrily] .From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.14.29.15 with HTTP; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 06:07:59 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 08:07:59 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=EszKLHO2m+S=bJRZYbyppwce8AzeyimeTzR=j@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Angry: [Slowly edges into between Dur and the food directly in front of him, although, of course, he is virtually surrounded by it] It's actually genius! You don't even need a can opener to get into them, you can just peel the can off.

Alice: [Looks at one] First, I don't think this is real dog, second, [shows the can] this doesn't have the tab.

Angry: [Bursts into tears] Nooooo! I'm going to staaaarve! [Sounding eerily like a dog] Nooooooo!

04.01.030

Dur: [Peeks eagerly around Alice] So you don't need the dog food?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.14.29.15 with SMTP id h15cs218298eea; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 06:43:53 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.227.145.66 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.227.145.66; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.227.145.66 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.227.145.66] ) by 10.227.145.66 with SMTP id c2mr9499090wbv.42.1280151832561 (num_hops = 1); Mon, 26 Jul 2010 06:43:52 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=gA6L+NJsdTO8kSJlxDXRFHac1G7t2MifCBOWY9KQSJ8=; b=LEDhGjaNbZQd1FjGzK+s35i8rYCgYikOU1O5TiLDgN4GKkluAhzdE6x+OeI+nsVVZX ivbCgG30C4nwxVd630kUSx3S813vLvhWCcUaxoDCmZdqrnuSHkAfeoyrsqZhuX9lp3qM OrNze187gsiHIpf2VEPvMe1Pvf35UNJd17vesDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=JZzl4W0tclXMG1RjSzK+NWwKyNi2J2BFAc/rNG9Oxj4NRfIxeEKRbGzPUVh0r0fc2N jVJ/BSlWPfrE8aXWBGGEQNE+xlIR/FPeSV9ItrnTCgZJ34g9bggTwE4vLE5RF/F41Pji Dd2/3fSWVZTQiZCMG9Dc+0HtUbZ/gTCt6/bQkMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.227.145.66 with SMTP id c2mr7413679wbv.42.1280151832446; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 06:43:52 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.21.140 with HTTP; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 06:43:51 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:43:51 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTi=uWd+uQRSAHvsfphd77hYb00_ghgYgj+rDDoP8@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : [To Dur] What on earth would you need it for? You do not own a dog. [To Angry] Starve? Surely only your dog will starve?

04.01.031

Angry: No he won't! You think I'd let old Feller starve? After he pulled me from that frozen pond when I nearly drowned? After he ran into that burning house to save my baby niece? After he trudged three hundred miles across a wasteland on an incredible journey to find me after we were separated? I could never let a dog like that starve!

Alice: Where is he?

Angry: I shot him when I thought he'd peed on the floor.

04.01.032

Austin : [Shocked] How terrible, your carpet must surely have been ruined?

04.01.033

Angry: Yes it was! There was blood and brains all over it!

04.01.034

Charlie: [To Austin, comfortingly] Don't be distressed! A man of his class surely had a rug of inferior quality, perhaps old soiled socks stitched together or some such.

04.01.035

Angry: Don't be ridiculous! I didn't use socks!

Alice: What did you use?

Angry: Underpants. [Sees the party's disgusted looks] Hey! It's not like they were all mine!

04.01.036

Harvey : I say sir, you are quite barking mad!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.037

Angry: Mad? Imagine how mad I was when I discovered it wasn't Old Feller who peed on the carpet at all!

Alice: Who did pee on it?

Angry: I did.

04.01.038

Harvey : Indeed. And unsurprising, what! Come troop, let us be away from this mad man to head to town!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.039

Charlie: Exactly my thoughts, Colonel! [Turns to leave and steps in a small puddle. Glares at Angry, shaking her foot dry] You really ought to have that seen about or at least paper-train yourself!!

04.01.040

Angry: That's not pee, it's apple juice! It's really easy to mix them up, though. [Opens a fridge] Anyone want some apple juice?

[Exit the party, rather quickly. A short distance away, they come to a wanted poster of themselves. It contains some very badly drawn versions of themselves, with some artistic licence, such as CLINT's horns, HARVEY's third eye, ALICE's beard, CHARLIE's patch and DUR's second head.]

Alice: Hey! Look at this!

[The sign reads "Wanted for murder. 10,000GP reward."]

04.01.042

Dur: [Reads over the sign] But which murder are they refering to?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.14.29.15 with HTTP; Mon, 26 Jul 2010 09:55:15 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 26 Jul 2010 11:55:15 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTikSEqOz39j2cJcgFx=Ld+dnqfEmo938oK4_33o=@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: I don't know, there've been so many! Maybe that kid? Rachel?

04.01.043

Dur: I suppose, if they mean the most recent one. But honestly, who could even recognize us from these pictures. [Glances at his shoulder to be sure h= e doesn't in fact have 2 heads]

04.01.044

Alice: I'd definitely recognize you from that picture, Dur, even with the beard. [Looks more closely at it] Hey!

04.01.045

Harvey : [Looks closely] This is not good troop, this is not good at all! The last thing we needed was our own town hunting us! And who could afford t= o give a reward of ten thousand?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.046

Austin : [Ooozing Smug] Ooh, you are a bunch of ne'er do wells aren't you. I should think that you will all be swinging from the gallows at sunrise tomorrow.

04.01.047

Alice: We're all there, Aus! See? That's you, with the - hm, hey! How come Aus isn't there?

04.01.048

Austin : [To Alice] Perhaps it is because I do not murder small children. [Ponders] Hmm, yes, that is probably the best explanation.

04.01.049

Alice: That's not fair -- hardly any of us murdered small children!

[The party continue along, passing dozens of the posters. Eventually, they come to another one of MELODY, that they had seen before, in Book VII, Act I, Scene IV. It says "Wanted: Big reward for super evil mastermind type."]

04.01.050

Austin : [To Alice] Do not worry, I'll put in a good word for you at your trial. [Sees the poster of Melody] Do you know her? [Sighs] It is always the pretty ones that turn out bad. [Glances at Alice] Shame.

04.01.051

Harvey : I have never seen that person before, troop. Criminal mastermind, eh?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.052

Alice: Aw! Thanks Aus! Not just a criminal mastermind, Uncle Harvey, a super evil mastermind. Sounds pretty evil. [To Austin] We never met her, although we've seen loads of wanted posters for her. [Thinks] Although, I have no idea what she's supposed to have done.

04.01.053

Charlie: Crimes of fashion, no doubt! I know the type, like those horrid girls in the Xi Eta Pi sorority! [Affects an absurdly = high-pitched, snotty voice] Not blonde enough! Not sassy enough! Too much grey flannel! Eyebrows like drunken caterpillars, indeed!!!=

04.01.054

Alice: Hey! I was in the Xi Eta Pi sorority! [Goes all nostalgic] Ah, happy days, [smiles] being mean to plain girls, having the younger girls hold my hair back while I puked in the toilet, it almost makes me wish I went to college.

04.01.054

notty voice] Not blonde enough! Not sassy enough! Too much grey flannel! Eyebrows like drunken caterpillars, indeed!!!

Austin : [To Charlie] Perhaps you should learn to accept compliments when you receive them? [To All, looking at the poster] We may be able to pin all of the accusations and crimes on her, she is the criminal mastermind, after all, and I am sure that she is capable of forcing all of you into committing heinous crimes on her behalf. She looks like she knows a thing or two about brain washing.

04.01.055

Alice: Good idea, Aus, but where could we find her? I bet someone like her, who's wanted all over the country, and who's a criminal mastermind, has gone underground, with her network of spies and informants shielding her every move, she'll be like the wind, by the time you sense her presence, she's gone, just like- oh, hey, is that her over there?

[ALICE points to a woman further along in the direction the party were heading, who is putting up the wanted posters of MELODY. It does appear to be MELODY.]

04.01.056

Austin : [To Alice] Or maybe she is just another wannabe, jealous of your fame and notoriety. Why don't we ask her. [Austin walks over to Melody] Excuse me, Ms Melody, but why are you putting up wanted posters of yourself?

04.01.057

Charlie: [To Melody] Indeed, is it merely your enormous ego or something more complex at work?=

04.01.058

Harvey: Indeed, it seems an odd thing to draw so much attention to yourself, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.059

Melody: [Startled] What? Uh, I'm sure I don't know what you mean -- I'm, uh, I'm taking down these posters!

[She has a huge stack of them, none of which look like they have already been up.]

Alice: Hey! Is she putting them up over posters of us?

Melody: [Squints at poster of the party that she's standing in front of] Huh! You look a whole lot less scary in real life. [Composes herself] I mean, back off, I'm an evil mastermind!

04.01.060

Charlie: [Condescending] Yes, you are terribly intimidating, I assure you. What is your latest scheme, do tell?=

04.01.061

Melody: [Blissfully unaware of Charlie's mean spirited condescension] Well, I'm going to get one of my to put some graffiti on the new HARMA building in Queens View. It's going to say [excited] Harm a HARMA today! [Looks around at the party] Pretty evil, huh?

Alice: HARMA HARMA today? So, she supports them?

04.01.062

Dur: If she supports HARMA, that undoubtedly makes her an ecil mastermind... Doesn't it?=

04.01.063

Harvey : [Scratches a sideburn] Mad dog killers and Harma supporters! What has become of this town? [To Melody, gesturing towards a poster of the part= y] Do you know who put up these posters?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.064

Alice: [To Dur] Or maybe it just makes her an idiot?

Melody: No, I'm too busy doing evil and coming up with schemes to take over the world to deal with that kind of fupping carp.

04.01.065

Charlie: And how does your plan to spread HARMA-related graffiti further your plans to take over the world, exactly?=

04.01.066

Melody: Huh. [Thinks for a moment] That's more in the evil category than taking over the world. You know, it's the kind of thing evil masterminds do, fup with authority because we're rebels. We don't take any of their shot.

04.01.067

Austin : [Frowns] Surely an evil mastermind does not have to censor their language?

04.01.068

Melody: Just because I'm an evil mastermind doesn't mean I have to have a potty mouth!

04.01.069

Harvey : Actually, I believe it does. There are not too many evil yet polite masterminds roving around,what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.070

Austin : [To Harvey] Hmm, well I am not sure on that point, colonel, perhaps there is some precedence. Gruella De Bille, and Hagratt Matcher were both quite polite and proper, but utterly, utterly evil.

04.01.071

Alice: Not to mention Canta Slaus. I mean, coming around to children's houses, sneaking in and stealing presents, all while laughing at them? That's pretty evil.

Melody: Well, I'm really evil too, so you better watch it, okay?

04.01.072

Harvey : Really, why don't you give us a for instance, my dear. An example.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.073

Melody: Well, uh, I once took Daddy's car without permission, but, you know, that was just early on. And, um..

Alice: I bet her evil schemes are so evil that she can't talk about them, and that other people have taken the credit for them, like killing that Rachel kid, for instance. I just bet that was part of some super duper evil scheme of hers.

04.01.074

Harvey : [Angrily] By the saints, dear niece! You might be right! [Turns toMelody] How very dare you, madam!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.075

Melody: [Taken aback] Uh, how dare I? I think you mean how dare you! [Thinks out loud] Although, if you said that you'd probably say how dare I, but [back to normal] you know what I mean. Hey, you don't tell me what the fup I can and can't do, and if I did kill Rachum, I wouldn't want anyone taking credit for my evilness.

04.01.076

Charlie: [Quivering visibly] How dreadful you are! I shall tell everyone I know about your dastardly deed, you wicked thing! Your name = will live in infamy, and children everywhere will tell tales about you in darkened rooms and shiver!=

04.01.077

Melody: [Looks thrilled] Really? That sounds great!

Alice: Yeah, and just wait until you ride into town and tell them you did it, now *that* would be a really evil thing to do!

04.01.078

Harvey : Indeed so! You riding into town proclaiming your evilness, mixed with these posters, why, the town itself will tremble in fear!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.079

Austin : [To Harvey and Alice] I don't want to burst your bubble here, ..., well I do really, but anyway, I think that Melody would really appreciate it if you help her become feared in town, that is obviously her main objective, and I suspect that she will gain some not inconsiderable amount of power from it.


;;;;awa hame

04.01.080

Alice: Maybe then she might spare our lives!

Melody: Maybe! Okay, [gets into her carriage] I'm off, you can read about my notoriety in the papers!

04.01.081

Charlie: [Waves cheerily] Splendid! Do stay in touch!

04.01.082

Alice: Hey! What about us? How far is Queens View?

Melody: Ten miles east of here.

Alice: Can't you give us a lift?

Melody: Nope, you can walk. [Gives an evil cackle] I'm evil, remember?

[Exit MELODY, zooming off into the distance. There is very little around, although the party can see a house in that direction.]

04.01.083

Austin : [Sighs] Well, she seems to be solidly on the Path. [Looks along the road to the house and frowns] Ours appears to involve some walking. [Sighs and starts walking towards the house]

04.01.084

Harvey : [Sighs heavily] It is at times like this that I regret throwing myfootwear at those biker people!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.085

Alice: Not as much as I regret the awful wardrobe that we had to choose from!

[The party, of course, are still wearing their tasteless and, in AUSTIN's case, insane, clothing. They set off to the house, which, mercifully, isn't too far, and soon approach the gate. It is a reasonable size cottage, with smoke coming out of the chimney.]

04.01.086

Charlie: [To Austin] Do something with that chicken before we meet anyone else, at the very least! [Goes to knock on the door] =

04.01.087

Austin : It is not just a chicken, it is also a helmet! [Smirks and puts the helmet on, stuffing the orb down the front of his shirt]

04.01.088

Harvey : Well done private Sleaze. In one fell swoop, you have managed to make yourself look even more ridiculous!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.01.088

[CHARLIE knocks on the door, and a familiar voice calls out "Coming!". A few moments later, the door opens. Standing there is none other than DR. SHELDON PARSONS, who the party were with just before they disappeared. He is dressed in his normal clothes, although is wearing a frilly apron over them.]

Sheldon: Charlie! Harvey! Wow! It really is you guys! Come on in!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

04.01.089

Austin : Perhaps if I look ridiculous enough I will eventually be permitted enough rest and recuperation to visit a tailor, colonel.

04.02.001

[Book VII, Act IV, Scene II. The Cottage. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and HARVEY are here, having just been brought into the kitchen by SHELDON. The smell of freshly baked cookies permeates the air.]

Sheldon: Come in! Come in! I can't believe it's really you! I've been cooking all day!

[SHELDON gestures to a table packed with steaks, chops, a soused pigs head, complete with apple, golden honeyed locusts, jellied eels, thrushes ankles, snakes' feet, crispy popadoms and curried brussel sprouts.]

04.02.002

Austin : [To Sheldon] I do apologise for interrupting, you are obviously expecting guests. [Takes off the trust chicken helmet. Frowns] Do you by any chance have a suit that I might borrow, I have been forced to wear this dreadful costume for days now [Looks in dismay at his chicken armour]

04.02.003

Dur: [Mouth watering at the sight and smell of the food] Surrounded by thisfeast and you're worried about clothes? Women really DO think differently = than men.

04.02.004

Sheldon: I am expecting guests, and they're here! [To Austin, mock scolding] You obviously haven't spent enough time with the rest of the party since getting back, because if you had, you'd know we're best friends. And no, I don't have a suit you can borrow. [Picks up a box] I have one you can keep!

04.02.005

Austin : [To Sheldon] Oh, I see, please forgive my overly formal narrative and accept my sincere gratitude for your most generous offer of a suit. [Looks massively relieved] You don't know how much this means to me [Sheds a tear, sniffs, then straightens up, wiping the tear from his eye] Thank you.

04.02.007

Dur: [Rolls his eyes] Wimp!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.14.29.15 with HTTP; Thu, 29 Jul 2010 08:03:40 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2010 10:03:40 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTin0tq8ReeAsUpAm3+QGNBAQ-PiUy77A6z6B9ONj@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Sheldon: Well, actually, Austin, I do, because any friend of [puts his arms around each of Clint and Alice] these guys is a friend of mine! [Chortles at Dur] Haw! Typical Dur! He's such a card. [Conversationally to Austin] I bet they've told you all about me!


;;; Gah! Forgot Tom told me he was away! Apologies for Clint's quietnes!

Clint: Uh, sure. Lawyer, this is, Kelvin.

Sheldon: Oh, you guys! You know full well that my name is Dr. Sheldon Parsons, PhD.

04.02.008

Charlie: [To Austin] Dr. Parsons proved to be quite a helpful ally and show promise as a research assistant. [To Sheldon] You are most kind, = Dr. Parsons! I don't suppose you have a suit tucked away for me, as well? Something sensible, without being dowdy?=

04.02.011

Charlie: [Delighted] Dr. Parsons, you've thought of everything! [Digs eagerly into her box and looks up, crestfallen] Really, you can't be = serious? [Holds up a grey flannel micro mini-skirt and red stiletto heels] I am world-renowned scientist, not a secretary looking to sleep = her way into marriage with the boss!!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.14.29.15 with SMTP id h15cs123226eea; Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:02:44 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.150.53.21 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.150.53.21; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.150.53.21 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.150.53.21] ) by 10.150.53.21 with SMTP id b21mr2352422yba.75.1280419350688 (num_hops = 1); Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:02:30 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type:content-transfer-encoding; bh=FPWlPB9OwTrKGzIseereTMMdNgW57IrRrSatVv4N9hw=; b=aH4R6cEiVY18u7fK5+vu1fFgZvz5eNbQj7uHks3iYuwsvfot8Tw7zzEFWP3gY/KxL1 JZrmy+rD9gblX1W7/c0omzCbCeuiVJxnRsqcLWCyRUEJseepqAF2QtLl0A/qHm6IKAwH wglYfqWgAduxU6c1thvBzXPzwN6c1c9dh4A4ADomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type :content-transfer-encoding; b=GBeNuANRMgrPd7d1Dt6RlMr3gIpDP+0w4iYUYLSYcu//tinP+W+md7aGhqDIv+JYKe +703dtQBnZM1vionBfQ5n0Q6DumE3iAXPF6lmB6mGcib4ZIZLVkNQqqRIKTFp3bs9ekW EPInm+8xDK0oC0ijU5gbx0t8Uu/0Q+k4HxZagMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.150.53.21 with SMTP id b21mr1464727yba.75.1280419350578; Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:02:30 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.231.37.10 with HTTP; Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:02:30 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2010 17:02:30 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTi=bika5sEpYc5xUTiDZBFKmqUjcpegK3wyxTYjG@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

s? [Holds up a grey flannel micro mini-skirt and red stiletto heels] I am world-renowned scientist, not a secretary looking to sleep her way int= o marriage with the boss!!

Austin : [Takes his box, wipes his eyes a little] Dr. Parsons, please excuse me for a moment [Disappears into the bathroom]

04.02.012

Harvey : [Barges past everyone and begins stuffing his mouth with golden honeyed locusts] Mmmfh!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.012

Clint: [Leering at Charlie's outfit] Hey! With that you could out bimbo Bimbo!

Sheldon: [To Charlie] Well, actually, it wasn't my choice. I have teamed up with another pal of [clearly means the group] yours, and he suggested it.

04.02.014

Dur: [Eyebrows raised in doubt] Oh? And which friend is this?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.223.112.137 with HTTP; Thu, 29 Jul 2010 09:43:28 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 29 Jul 2010 11:43:28 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=uppE41GEnAeSJfaxDpKG5Ba6Rv=3y4BB4TQVy@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Sheldon: I'll get him in a moment, but in the meantime, you might want to take a look at this.

[Puts a blood stained piece of paper on the table.]

Sheldon: We got it from one of Trindle's minions.

04.02.015

Charlie: [Delighted] Oh, how marvelous! [Studies the paper a moment] It isn't any language I've seen, though it slightly resembles and could be = related to Fauxnician. [Points to a word] That looks a bit like a word meaning "devil," I do believe.=

04.02.016

Sheldon: Interesting! I see a resemblance to Errormake, which is related to Fauxnician. In Errormake, it would be "beast", or "savage beast", or perhaps, "three headed beast with a large penis." [By way of explanation] One really can't expect a one-to-one literal translation between ancient languages and our common tongue.

04.02.017

Harvey : [Looking at the paper, munching contentedly] And what is that symbol that looks like a half chewed golden honeyed locust?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.018

Alice: [Reaches over and flicks a half chewed golden honeyed locust off the prophecy] So is this a language people actually use?

04.02.019

Charlie: Perhaps not for some time, but it's certainly possible, given the similarities to other languages. [Studies the paper intently. To = Sheldon, absently] What was it you said about a friend of yours picking out my outfit? I don't recall meeting any of your friends. =20=

04.02.020

, absently] What was it you said about a friend of yours picking out my outfit? >I don't recall meeting any of your friends.

Harvey : Perhaps we need to hold the paper against a mirror or somesuch?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.022

Sheldon: Please! Aussie! We're best buds now, you can call me Sheldon, or even Shelley, like Stinky here does. [Playfully punches Clint on the shoulder]

Clint: [With a mouthful of snakes' feet] Gerroffme!

Sheldon: None whatsoever, Aus. [To Charlie] He's a new friend of mine. I explained to him that I'm your best friend, well, essentially a member of the party, really, and he suggested we team up to help you.

04.02.023

Charlie: [Uneasily] He knows us? Who is this new friend of yours?!

04.02.024

Austin : [Nibbles a locust and casually glances around to see the new 'friend' emerge]

04.02.025

[The party can hear some ascending some steps behind a door in the kitchen, and a familiar voice calls out.]

Voice: Are those creamy cakes ready yet? I'd love some of the butterfly ones with the little piece of jam in-

[The door opens. It is PESTILENCE SOTOT, covered in blood, and who looks very surprised to see the party.]

Pestilence: Oh! You're here?


;;; The party haven't seen Pestilence since Book VI, Act VI, when he saved them

;;; from The Core, a place of torture in a HARMA jail. He helped them

go into the

;;; past -- specifically telling Harvey that if they looked over

Charlie, he'd look

;;; after them -- where they met an angel named Pan. Pan sacrificed himself to

;;; save the world from Seth (that is, the person who became Seth) in a tear

;;; jerker where Charlie had to kill him at the end of Book VI, Act VII.

04.02.026

Harvey : [Choking on a mouthful of golden honeyed locusts] By the saints, you!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.026

Austin : [Raises an eyebrow] But of course, Charlie's fiancee.

04.02.027

Dur: [Startled] Holy undead demons Lawyer Man!

04.02.027

Sheldon: And *my* best friend! It's funny, but when we met, at first he didn't believe that all of us were best friends!

04.02.027

Charlie: [To Pestilence, shaking the stilettos and mini-skirt at him] Really, Pestilence?! THIS is how you see me??=

04.02.028

Pestilence: In my head, there are usually less clothes involved.

Sheldon: Pestilence and I have been having such fun! Swapping stories about you guys, and [jokily aside to the party] these guy is a demon for the creamy cakes. [To Pestilence] We've become great friends in our own right, haven't we?

Pestilence: Frankly, I'd have killed you only for your connection to these guys. [Thinks for a moment] You do make nice cakes, though. [To the party] It's the jam, you see. I like to pretend it's blood.

04.02.029

Austin : [Looks a little alarmed] I prefer to pretend that blood is jam. [To Pestilence] So, now that you have met us, are you going to let Shels live? He does make nice cakes! [Nibbles a fresh locust]

04.02.030

Pestilence: [Shrugs] Sure, but he's very whiney. [Sits down] So. That whole toppling God thing, how did that work out for you?

04.02.031

Charlie: [To Pestilence] Splendidly, thank you. [Looks him over critically] You're looking well, though rather homicidal. [Hopefully] = Unless you're covered in jam? =20From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.109.202 with SMTP id k10cs13689fap; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 08:10:48 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.68.142 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.216.68.142; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.68.142 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.216.68.142] ) by 10.216.68.142 with SMTP id l14mr2406507wed.67.1280502648643 (num_hops = 1); Fri, 30 Jul 2010 08:10:48 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=Ehft+d63fFjejIY99V7fG38fbQphmg9q2Xu1MrRSzcc=; b=rH2CNlxcKHDTx9RnimKwCqc9+L1QRlSktCvDwh4tK6CuE1fkRTwQOc1EIT7eTT2Yji aUK/OovRAUpxiFonILhiuhEFqIwgrggyeMojlpyJjxDZQ0wt0xX8qKeYHNO4Mmmk4n+p qZ383szk9/S9bpAVgmHNgDhRVsgr5R32OmLtgDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=WjvhASc8ac2FTw00UcXoxgV0TzaCmOZU6ldnApwknWBPJcDdmNKIE0UDe9brj8Ue9b is21rfrKe+sveOilf++1vt0PqYVsQIU7uBYWE6F2yxrkptQWGC4pfHYiUtBLWhpnspFi 4kXo5NxgWLGXxXE580FnXZFd9rHPEys+HD5GwMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.68.142 with SMTP id l14mr1808188wed.67.1280502648576; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 08:10:48 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.21.140 with HTTP; Fri, 30 Jul 2010 08:10:48 -0700 (PDT) Date: Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:10:48 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTin-TbBe_QDQmeGZ5tLyuWPyxnVHWWvDFYjQQTvW@mail.gmail.com> To: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> Cc: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : [Shrugs casually] Not so well really, it messed him up a little but I as far as I know he survived and recovered. Then I was resurrected and had nothing but a suit of knitted chicken armour to wear, which was a horrific experience. Anyway, it was worth trying to topple him. [Bites the head off another locust]


;;;awa hame

04.02.032

Pestilence: [Takes a finger and licks some of the red off it] Nope. It's blood.

Alice: Er, who's finger is that?

Pestilence: Oh, some flunky of Trindle's. We've got him in the basement.

Sheldon: [Excitedly] We're torturing him! [Looks more seriously] Well, that is, I've been up here baking since I fainted.

04.02.033

Harvey : [To Pestilence] Have you found out what Trindle is up to?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.034

Pestilence: No, and I don't think our prisoners knows either. [Points to the paper] He was bringing that to him, though. He was very protective of it.

04.02.034

Charlie: [Sniffs] Though any information gained under duress is highly suspect, as countless studies have shown!=

04.02.035

Pestilence: I prefer to think of it as an suspect under duress can gain us information. Anyone recognize the language?

04.02.036

Harvey : No, not at all! I've never seen anything like it before.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.037

Dur: I'm not even sure I can read!

04.02.039

Charlie: [To Pestilence] It bears some similarity to the Fauxnician language, but I cannot read it, other than this one word, which means = "devil." =20From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.14.119.14 with HTTP; Sun, 1 Aug 2010 20:36:26 -0700 (PDT) Date: Sun, 1 Aug 2010 22:36:26 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTimNHG1PSx3gFVH9wbeunnOj5E-g9-JqxwmroX3M@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Pestilence: Looks kind of like a demon language to me. My source, [for Charlie's benefit] who's very, very reliable, informs me that these two words [points to the first two words on the second line] are roughly translated as "The Children of the Lady", or "The Children of a Lady", or "Please, for the love of God, don't cut off my fingaaaaah."

04.02.040

Austin : Could 'The Lady' be referring to Clementine?

04.02.041

Charlie: Excellent suggestion, Mr. Sleaze, though I should very much like to know more about this so-called reliable source. Have she an = advanced degree from a respected university? Publications in the best journals? Has she written any books in the field of linguistics, = etymology, or another field that would suggest she is able to make a translation of a never-before-seen language?! What ARE her = qualifications?! [Clearly growing flustered] In other words, just WHO is this tawdry little trollop you can't seem to stop talking about?!=

04.02.042

Pestilence: Qualifications? Other than a really, really nice ass and loose morals, she doesn't really have any. [Chomps on a creamy cake with studied nonchalance.]

Sheldon: She? I thought you got them from that guy we captured and tortured?

[PESTILENCE rolls his eyes so hard the party can almost hear them.]

Sheldon: [With more than a hint of condescension] That is indeed an excellent suggestion, Austin, for an amateur. One most keep in mind that many ancient languages, particularly those of the prototypic variety, are often idiomatic, so the [finger quotes] lady in question might not be a literal lady. Perhaps a ship, for example. [Looks around the room] Any other examples?

Alice: A hooker? They're rarely ladies.

Sheldon: [Smiles] I see. Well, this is why we all make such a great team. Sheldon does the thinking, the party does the adventuring.

04.02.043

Austin : [Helpfully] And baking, Shels, you do the baking [nibbles on a fairy cake]

04.02.045

Charlie: [To Pestilence, smugly] Is this how you torture all of your prisoners? By effusively admiring various body parts? [Affects mock = horror] Oh, Pestilence! You are so terribly frightening!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.14.119.14 with HTTP; Mon, 2 Aug 2010 07:06:45 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2010 09:06:45 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=BctPrfV+FW+mPa9pZEA3YGTBLLMm5sOAtCmXX@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Pestilence: Sure. I just normally cut them off or gouge them out first. [Points to the second word with the severed finger] He was kind of vague, but it could also mean a noble lady or even a queen. Those words are the only ones he knew, and he and his cronies fought to protect this.

Sheldon: We killed them all!

Alice: Really? What did you do, Sheldon?

Pestilence: Mainly hid behind a rock crying like a little girl.

Sheldon: [Defensively] I had something in my eye!

04.02.046

Austin : [To Sheldon] It was probably fear. [To all] Well perhaps that part of the message refers to us, we are, in a manner of speaking 'children of queens view'.

04.02.047


;;; Colin's afk? Bank Holiday in Ireland today.

Harvey: By the saints, Private Sleaze! That could be it! After all, that bounder Trindle was looking for the prophecy, and, much as it pains this old soldier to say it, if you're right, then he might also be a Child of Queens View!

04.02.049

Dur: Is there anyway we can know for sure what this means?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.223.109.209 with HTTP; Mon, 2 Aug 2010 08:38:28 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2010 10:38:28 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTinqTYEyGYBYSF5wJu9CD9DtFvZEEjdcUgA0yK2u@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: We could get it translated!

04.02.050

Dur: Yeah! Let's do that! [Stuffs some food in his pockets to save for later] Some plan is better than no plan.

04.02.053

Charlie: How terrifically thrilling! I'd be delighted to work on the project. [Eyes gleam] We will no doubt be consulting many rare, ancient = tomes and spending hours in the finest libraries.From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.109.209 with SMTP id k17cs127173fap; Mon, 2 Aug 2010 09:05:50 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.150.169.13 with SMTP id r13mr7042126ybe.366.1280765149655; Mon, 02 Aug 2010 09:05:49 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Received: from nammailgw.heidelbergcement.com (nammailgw.heidelbergcement.com [12.51.184.11] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id h11si10953838ybk.6.2010.08.02.09.05.49; Mon, 02 Aug 2010 09:05:49 -0700 (PDT) Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 12.51.184.11 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of Kevin.Day@hanson.biz) client-ip=12.51.184.11; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 12.51.184.11 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of Kevin.Day@hanson.biz) smtp.mail=Kevin.Day@hanson.biz Received: from grpmsirvg701.grouphc.net (10.201.97.30) by GRPMEIRVG701.grouphc.net (10.202.243.36) with Microsoft SMTP Server (TLS) id 8.1.436.0; Mon, 2 Aug 2010 11:05:53 -0500 Received: from GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net ( [10.201.97.9] ) by grpmsirvg701.grouphc.net ( [10.201.97.30] ) with mapi; Mon, 2 Aug 2010 11:05:48 -0500 To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> CC: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, "Tom Henderson" <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, "Madam Olivam" <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2010 11:05:48 -0500 Thread-Topic: [qv] 04.02.052 Thread-Index: AcsyXDCUy9ZCVDf3RXWfwh1cYzet6QAAD41g Message-ID: <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176904DB3180F7@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> References: <AANLkTinqTYEyGYBYSF5wJu9CD9DtFvZEEjdcUgA0yK2u@mail.gmail.com> <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176904DB3180DD@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> <54C933FB-519E-4A12-88EC-4D230D4F7B5C@gmail.com> In-Reply-To: <54C933FB-519E-4A12-88EC-4D230D4F7B5C@gmail.com> Accept-Language: en-US Content-Language: en-US X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: acceptlanguage: en-US Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable MIME-Version: 1.0 Return-Path: Kevin.Day@hanson.biz

Dur: [Looks suddenly horrified] Nevermind! Let's just dive in head first and threaten a whole bunch of people until we finally get the information we = need. You know, like we always do.From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.223.109.209 with HTTP; Mon, 2 Aug 2010 09:16:53 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 2 Aug 2010 11:16:53 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTikUcqCxqtRTaOkGSUW6w-JG4GHQw6oWkC1tPG61@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: I like it! Let's find some nerdy weirdo and beat them until they tell us what we want! Now, where can we find a nerdy weirdo?

[All eyes turn to SHELDON.]

Sheldon: Hey!

04.02.054

Charlie: You know, my former [looks at Pestilence] associate, Deuce, is rather the foremost expert in translating ancient texts. Perhaps we = should consult him? [To Pestilence] I think you'll find that his posterior is really rather impressive. =20=

04.02.055

Pestilence: Yeah, I heard he was often seen with a huge ass. Let's find him, torture him and get the info. Gosh! It sure feels great to be fighting on the side of good!

Sheldon: [To Charlie] If you are referring to Prof. Charles 'Deuce' Hilliard-Montgomery-Carthington II, I believe he is in Queens View. However, I find his work to be derivative and pedestrian, and his presentation style abrasive and combative, particularly since he took possession of the Whatever Card.


;;; Deuce is Charlie's ex-fiancee, last seen in Book VI, Act XI where

he framed the party (all but

;;; Austin) for murder, killed a famous scientist and took possession

of the fabled "Whatever" Card,

;;; which permits the holder to win any argument or fight. He and

Alice allegedly had carnal relations

;;; the night of the murder.

04.02.056

Charlie: [To Pestilence, scolding] We shall only torture him if necessary. [To Sheldon] I don't suppose you know where he lives?=

04.02.057

Sheldon: I believe he currently resides in Queens View. He has been seen there, making scientific claims so baseless that even you would be embarrassed to make them.

Alice: What kind of claims has he made?

Sheldon: [Sniffing haughtily] He said I was a big poopy head.

04.02.058

Harvey : Although the man was a complete ass, he did sometimes get his facts right, what! I certainly would like a few words with him! [Picks up a hon= eyed locust and crushes it loudly in his fist] .

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.059

Austin : [Deadpan] I do hope he is feeling chatty. [Browses over the cakes] Perhaps we should take some cakes too, we could have a tea party whilst the colonel and Pestilence have a nice chat with him.

04.02.060

Sheldon: Well, actually, that would be extremely ill advised. Since HARMA have taken control of The Realms, we have essentially become a police state. While he can still travel the countryside with relative ease, it is highly unlikely that Pestilence would pass unnoticed in a town, let alone Queens View, which has become one of HARMA's main bases.


;;; Remember, HARMA won the election in what appeared to be a fix by

;;; the Custos-Clementines. No one could figure out why they would

;;; do this, as HARMA appeared to be anti-Clementine.

04.02.061

Harvey : [Attempting to shake the crushed honeyed locust from his hand] That's a good point, indeed. We should track the bounder down ourselves!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.062

Austin : Very well colonel, that sounds like an excellent plan. However, I suggest that since all of you are wanted criminals, that you should wear elaborate disguises.

04.02.063

Alice: Maybe Melody has already confessed to our alleged crimes? After all, she is an idiot.

04.02.064

Harvey : Not quite dear niece. An idiot hell bent on taking over the world!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.065

Austin : Well there is always room for one more [Checks his nails briefly]

04.02.067

Charlie: Perhaps disguises would not be a bad idea in the interim, though my wearing this absurd outfit would probably be disguise enough! = No on who knows me would ever dream I could dress in such a way.From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.14.22.5 with HTTP; Tue, 3 Aug 2010 06:56:53 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 3 Aug 2010 08:56:53 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTik0NgDsjnj-pZj60DN6-o-Sf5Ah5_rkEDL7kS-R@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Sheldon: Well, actually, I think you'll find that that's quite incorrect. Pestilence was the one who chose the outfit.

Alice: [To Pestilence] So, the owner of that finger, where is the rest of him?

Pestilence: In the basement.

04.02.068

Charlie: Let us have a word with him, then, unless the lack of blood has already killed him!=

04.02.069

[Everyone heads downstairs to a dingy basement. There is a man here, hanging from shackles, who is covered in bruises and blood stains. This is RICKY RATTON.]

Alice: Yikes! Can we really let this guy here? I mean, how bad can he be?

Ricky: [Spotting the party, and almost throwing himself at them, held back only by the shackles] You bastards! You dirty scumbags! Come over here so I can bite the skin from your faces, you inhuman, murdering swine.

04.02.070

Harvey : Ha, question answered dear niece! [To Ricky] You there, what do you mean calling us murdering swine, what?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.070

Austin : [Standing well back near the exit, frowning in disgust at the mess. To the party] I see that your reputations precede you, although I would not go as far as to say that all of you are dirty.

04.02.071

Clint: And I, for one, want to know which one of us is inhuman!

04.02.072

Ricky: Jerome will rise again! You cannot stop him!

Pestilence: [To the party] Let's cut off another finger!

04.02.073

Dur: Soon we'll have enough to make Finger Stew!

04.02.074

Ricky: [Spits a disgustingly bloody glob of phlegm and blood at the party] Jeromitus will return! And you, you whores and traitorous cowards, you will suffer for what you did to him!

04.02.074

Clint: Yeah, but we'd better leave him enough that he can [big pause] finger his associates for us!

04.02.075

Dur: [Frowns at Clint] That's disgusting!

04.02.076

Alice: Come on, Dur, it's a perfectly valid lifestyle choice! [To the party] Is Jerome in contact with these crazies?

04.02.076

Clint: Yeah, but don't tell him that or [big pause] he'll give you the finger!


;;; Okay, I'm done now, I swear!

04.02.077

Alice: [Smiles at Clint's clever word play] Even though he's very [big pause] HANDsome!

04.02.078

Harvey : Where is Jerome to be found?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.079

Ricky: Not in your black heart, that's to be sure!

Pestilence: He doesn't know, he's just a flunky carrying a message.

04.02.080

Charlie: [To Ricky] Who gave you this message to carry?

04.02.081

Ricky: I and several other Brothers of Jeromitus travelled to the depths of the darkest dungeon, deep in the most forbidding jungle, on an island in the most shark infested seas. We battled fearsome monsters, resisted the most sultry maidens, wrestled with the most fiendish puzzles and retrieved The Prophecy. No one [with contempt] gave it to us, we discovered it.

Alice: Hold on, where were these fearsome maidens and sultry monsters?

Ricky: Mock me not, whore. The Brothers of Jeromitus are the bravest band of adventurers to ever roam the earth.

04.02.082

Clint: Anyone ever heard of these losers before? [Looks around at the group.]

04.02.083

Alice: They sound kind of like a boyband -- a lame boyband! Where are the rest of these fearsome warriors now?

Ricky: That disgusting demon killed them all!

Pestilence: Hey! That's not fair! [To the party] One of them was so terrified when he saw what I did to his buddies, he killed himself.

04.02.084

Dur: Still, you could have interrogated all of them first.

04.02.085

Pestilence: Hey! That's almost exactly what one of them said when I told them that I was going to kill them all. He's the one I cut in two.

04.02.086

Harvey : [Sighs heavily] By the saints, have we really fallen so far that Iam not utterly disturbed by all of these events! What would dear sister Im= maculata or Chastity make of all of this, eh?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.087

Austin : I think that they would be disgusted and horrified, as usual. [Looking at all the blood] Although a few tea towels could come in handy.

04.02.088

Alice: [Nods] I know, I want to be horrified too, but he just makes it --

Ricky: You will all be judged! Clementine has returned and will wreak revenge on the entire world because of what your party did! We will feast upon your roasted eyeballs and shit into the holes!

Alice: [Disgusted] He just makes it too difficult.

04.02.089

Austin : [To Ricky] You do realise that you have been grievously misled. Trindle is nothing but a petty murderer. He murdered my wife, not to mention thousands of others, in cold blood. Why do you follow him?

04.02.090

Ricky: That was nothing but a step on his road to salvation! You, the ones who misled him about The Path, know that better than anyone. What is the worth of one pathetic life against the salvation of millions? You should be happy that your wife was killed! Rejoice in her sacrifice!

04.02.091

Charlie: [Attempts to step between Ricky and Austin. To Ricky] That's quite enough from you! [To Pestilence] I had thought you had done a = great cruelty here, but now I see you used remarkable restraint. Do you think you can get more from him, or are we done with him?=

04.02.091

Austin : [Dryly] I hope he has enough fingers left to go round.

04.02.093

Dur: If he doesn't we can start on his toes!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.14.22.5 with SMTP id s5cs137629ees; Wed, 4 Aug 2010 06:26:14 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.61.195 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.216.61.195; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.61.195 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.216.61.195] ) by 10.216.61.195 with SMTP id w45mr2710078wec.108.1280928373857 (num_hops = 1); Wed, 04 Aug 2010 06:26:13 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=sBlfhXKadopsxund8M7f3tXb16tyzzunpO1ct6o9GE0=; b=K3fGI2hI6R6tL26Pf5Kb39ect1emvQP2yOxsa0+QKOcbQr7jS+72YBRVVqpkICuuLg DnmRqLScrLkvlSqFaiU8vw6SOm+xtGJ3Fh2qsrA0u52wH+3X4EQVnBHsAevjN1DH5iin B3gMPwSG0ocGiRa6PBs4Ihq/yCky4Kbi57hNMDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=nHZBjyenpf/tF8+IXLMqleSljmc3ESBzX96jsTfKMlXvbSzoIxE3xwkkbrPYVE5tGG 3c6dVh+CYU42FTcfCH/ZsR4pn4aHFzOs4Cd//5J3xTXB9Wx+uDnKWJgdM/OlKhj9+LEy atsZ6+Ydakj7+fLhUrIijxDyHzeXhjX6rqd9IMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.61.195 with SMTP id w45mr2069567wec.108.1280928373825; Wed, 04 Aug 2010 06:26:13 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.21.140 with HTTP; Wed, 4 Aug 2010 06:26:13 -0700 (PDT) Date: Wed, 4 Aug 2010 14:26:13 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTi=n=ocLnvrmqn0T=XAxZur4V+MOX87QVigAH8Ef@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : [To Dur] I think that you will find that his toes have been reserved, as have his eyeballs and teeth. You may want to make a reservation on some of the remaining fingers and perhaps an ear or a nipple.

04.02.094

Ricky: After what he did to my penis, do you really think I care about fingers or toes?

Alice: [Horrified] What did you do to his penis.

Pestilence: Nothing.

Ricky: You bastard!

Pestilence: [Nonchalantly] What can I say? I'm a very attractive demon. [To the party in general] I've got everything he knows, he was to deliver that note to someone in Queens View. I have all the details.

04.02.095

Clint: Well then, let's be going!

04.02.096

Alice: What are we going to do with this guy?

Ricky: You better kill me! Set me free and I will have my revenge on you!

04.02.096

Charlie: [To Pestilence, nodding at Ricky] You will see to him, won't you? By which I mean, finish what you've started? Given that you = already literally have his blood on your hands, it would be the courteous thing to do.=

04.02.097

Pestilence: [Holds up his hands] Some of this is jam!

[Exit the party and SHELDON upstairs.]

Sheldon: Right, chums. Given that I've essentially taken the role as your informal leader [turns to Harvey and Charlie] no disrespect, but, frankly, neither of you have the ability to formulate the sort of long term plans required for the task at hand, I suggest that you all go to Queens View, try to speak to Deuce, and then go to the rendez-vous point that Pestilence and I obtained from the prisoner.

04.02.097

literally have his blood on your hands, it would be the courteous thing todo.

Austin : I can see that you two would probably like some private time together, [to the rest] come on, let us take a light snack whilst we wait [Starts back up the stairs to the kitchen]

04.02.098

Clint: Oh, a light snack! [To Sheldon] Hey Shelly, you got any [big pause] finger food?


;;; I'm sorry, I can't help it!

04.02.099

Harvey : At least I know what to get him for Philimas, what. Fingerless gloves, what! [Laughs long, loud and alone]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.100

Sheldon: [Unimpressed at this frivolity] Yes, I see. His instructions were to go to Bo's Tavern in Queens View, and book a room under an assumed name. Some of Jeromitus' followers will be keeping an eye out for that name, and will then make contact. I've written it down for you, in case you forget. [Hands the party a piece of paper with "John Smith" written on it]

04.02.102

Austin : [Deadpan] But surely a genius like you should also provide us with a map and directions to the Tavern, we could get lost or worse!


;;;;awa hame

04.02.103

Sheldon: Well, actually, I took the precaution of making one for each of you. [Hands out some painstakingly accurately drawn maps to everyone]

Alice: Hey! How come my one is drawn in crayon? [Holds up it up to show that this is indeed the case, and that hers is far simpler than the other ones]

Sheldon: I felt that sort of simplistic representation would be more familiar to you.

04.02.103

Charlie: How thrilling, undercover work! Come, group! Let us go to Bo's Tavern and take the place of this zealot.=

04.02.104

Sheldon: Now, don't forget, once you have identified his contact and spoken with Deuce, you must return here immediately for further instruction.

04.02.105

Harvey : We may, as long as the feast has been replenished upon our return!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.105

Charlie: [To Sheldon] Do stop pretending to be in charge, or I shall become quite cross with you and might not offer you a post-doc in = future! Plainly, I am the leader of this group, and there is no room for discussion, though we are grateful for your assistance.=

04.02.106

Sheldon: Now, now, Charlie, please don't be confused by our close friendship. However, you certainly are the leader when on a mission. Now, off you go.

04.02.107

Clint: Don't worry, Harv, I don't listen to either of 'em!

04.02.108

Sheldon: There is a stack of notebooks at the door. Please be sure to take one each on the way out and to record everything you see. Please use one of the supplied 2B pencils.

Alice: [Picks up one of the notebooks, each of which has a picture of Sheldon on the front, and writes something in it] Look! Mine says we saw a big poopy head!

Sheldon: [Looks at the entry] Poopy is not spelled with an "ie", and if it was, the "i" certainly wouldn't have a small love heart for the dot.

04.02.109

Charlie: [Looks at the notebooks and pencils and sniffs] I have my own, thank you. [To the party, kindly] Do not feel pressured to take a = notebook. I know several of you have sub-normal literacy [discreetly nods at Dur, Clint, and Alice] , being the true leader of this group and = not a post-doc with delusions of grandeur, and therefore would never be cruel enough to suggest you put your ignorance on display!=

04.02.110

I know several of you have sub-normal literacy [discreetly nods at >Dur, Clint, and Alice] , being the true leader of this group and not a post-doc w= ith delusions of grandeur, and >therefore would never be cruel enough to suggest you put your ignorance on display!

Harvey : You seem to be doing a fine enough job of that on your own, what. Come troop, let us be on the off!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.02.111

Sheldon: [As the party leave] But the notebooks! The notebooks! Won't someone please think of the notebooks!

[Exit the party.]


;;; End of scene.

04.03.001

[Book VII, Act IV, Scene I. The Road To Queens View. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and HARVEY are here, walking to Queens View. About a mile out, they come to what looks like an enormous net, laid out flat on the road. It is at least thirty foot square. The party stop before they get to it.]

Alice: Hey look, it's Annette!

04.03.002

Austin : It's almost big enough to be Sheldon's hair net.

04.03.004

Dur: Anything that big is sure to be a trap!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.14.22.5 with SMTP id s5cs175189ees; Thu, 5 Aug 2010 06:25:24 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.160.15 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.216.160.15; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.160.15 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.216.160.15] ) by 10.216.160.15 with SMTP id t15mr12330623wek.75.1281014724194 (num_hops = 1); Thu, 05 Aug 2010 06:25:24 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=Bdu8gd4YcJI4B9YbGQBnfvwbLQwzY8O26rEjlRz6oy8=; b=COb+A8HYeBcL+yC20ICBu8MLnshcLCN6U76EvKFADUW2NFfvXbCmDK9rD8NqqwLNDI /LWb2Z02r0RKfKqHYZ2f5tQy81RRr8EILJX49X2+6yeIFayg0Df5g3RA//CoKH4UeBhl ej+ydPreUhqpRfcdPBc1X6KH6SnPozfmN66HYDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=GbnO2Nmva7hg/9cIO12wWIOSJjtLmTljZH2Myae+5Q95sxsuTn0E79/5SvIbFHoP1z 9voql4rM1dthHJ1069EFJtDUQ91ANrkSdC6Pdc66rLJ2zueoy4Ff4dD830o1piB4XHfY mAdOBY9f/yZXk6DnRXgn0WapEzu53y4ZFtDUYMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.160.15 with SMTP id t15mr9232272wek.75.1281014724082; Thu, 05 Aug 2010 06:25:24 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.21.140 with HTTP; Thu, 5 Aug 2010 06:25:23 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 14:25:23 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTikB6hMDLTq3mwh-xNuyeTHSSiiDV0BH9uS_hZte@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : For once I concur. Colonel, I have been waiting until we were remote from both Sheldon and Pestilence, to express my gravest concerns about Pestilence's involvement in our current leg of the Path. In particular I was rather disturbed at the behaviour of the party with respect to Pestilence's torture victim. Whilst several of the jokes made at the expense of the aforementioned victim's digits were not without merit, the general demeanour of the troop towards the victim was rather macabre, illustrating an unpleasant similarity to Pestilences own modus operandi that the troop appears to have assumed.

04.03.006

Charlie: [Offended] Mr. Sleaze, you can't be serious! You did hear what he said about your Lucy, did you not? The man was a monster--a = remorseless zealot!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.14.22.5 with HTTP; Thu, 5 Aug 2010 06:57:23 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 5 Aug 2010 08:57:23 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTim0P=FURPYQf2vTJpWSkOrwk8HRuH-8EnbDopox@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Alice: Yeesh, I don't remember you particularly nice to the guy, Austin! Now, I'm not a fan of Charlie's BF torturing people either, but what else could we have done? He did put him out of his misery, and if he didn't? Well, either we'd have to keep him imprisoned in that basement forever, or he'd come after us.

04.03.008

Austin : [To Charlie and Alice] I meant that this all seems to be one big trap. [Indignantly] And I was not excluding myself from the macabre party behaviour that I was observing.

Alice: Yeesh! Fair enough! I agree, it's weird to have Pestilence helping us, but we are kind of desperate and friendless here.

04.03.01

granted, he is rather a murderous fiend at times. [Quickly] But he is NOT my BF, whatever that is supposed to mean!

Austin : [To Charlie] I bet he is a terrible kisser though.

04.03.010

Charlie: [To Alice, oblivious to the subject change] To be fair, Pestilence isn't ALL bad, you know. He has helped us from time to time, = though--granted, he is rather a murderous fiend at times. [Quickly] But he is NOT my BF, whatever that is supposed to mean!=

04.03.011

Alice: Oooh! Pesty and Charlie sitting in a tree, k - i - s -s - n - uh, [embarrassed] Yeah, this definitely looks like a trap. Maybe we should just cut the net in half?

04.03.012

Clint: I say we send Dur to check it out!

04.03.013

[Enter GACK MCJEE, a man in what looks like a variant of the HARMA uniform. He is standing on the far side of the net.]

Gack: [With a smile] And so we finally meet again.


;;; If you don't know who this is, and haven't been told privately, then

;;; your character doesn't know either

04.03.014

Austin : And who on earth are you. I am quite sure that we have never met before, and I am quite glad of that fact.

04.03.014

Austin : And who on earth are you. I am quite sure that we have never met before, and I am quite glad of that fact.


;;;sorry previously sent to just conor

04.03.015

Clint: I'm with the lawyer on this. I have no idea who the hell you are, you freak!

04.03.016

Gack: [Laughs] Typical! I have been hunting you now for three years, across thousands of miles, through hell dimensions, in and out of time, and yes, you have done a great job of evading me, but now the game is up. Soon, everyone will know my name, and will long to see my precious badge.

[Shows the party his badge. It is a HARMA identification badge, with the name "Officer Gack McJee".]

Alice: Gack? What kind of name is that?

Gack: It's pronounced "Jack".

04.03.017

Austin : [Looking at the badge] Why would any one want to see that, Gack?

04.03.018

Gack: Because everyone will want to see the badge of the officer who had the Queens View party on the run for all those years!

04.03.018

Charlie: [Peers at the badge] Yes, I see nothing special about the badge, other than the irritating spelling of "Jack." [To Gack] And why = are you hunting us, Officer McGee? We are merely law-abiding citizens out for a stroll, hardly cause for alarm!=

04.03.019

Gack: Nothing special yet, Charlotte, but there will be soon. I am specifically hunting the Colonel, Alice, Clint and Austin. You and Dur are accessories after the fact, so face less charges. [Smiles at the four] Did you really think you could get away with it? Really?

Alice: Get away with what? What the hell are you talking about?

Gack: Get away with breaking up the "Guardians of Uprightness Moral Crusade 1280: The Salvation or Death Tour", of course. As if you don't remember!


;;; He's referring to the party stealing a bus back in Book V, Act VI. That

;;; happened way back in Feb 2006, and is about three years ago

;;; in game time.

04.03.019

Austin : But we have not been on the run from anyone, let alone you. We have never heard of you before now, and we have no idea why you would be 'hunting' us.


;;;awa hame

04.03.020

Dur: [Completely ignores Gack and looks to Charlie] Your name is Charlotte?!

04.03.021


;;; Heather is afk

Charlie: [Looks at Dur with a mixture of sympathy and disgust] You poor, poor man.

Gack: Don't make me hurt you. Please step into the net.

04.03.022

Clint: [Cracks a smile thinking about stealing the bus.] Ah, good times! [To Gack.] Why on earth would we do that?!

04.03.023

Gack: [Shrugs] I'm sure I don't know, and guess we'll never know until you do!

04.03.024

Harvey : Then I guess we'll never know as we surely won't, what.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.03.025

Alice: Can't we just kill this guy?

Gack: Like you killed the Moral Crusade of 1280?

04.03.027

Charlie: [To Gack] My colleagues and I have no intention of stepping into your net, as we are innocent and as yet formally uncharged, unless = you have an arrest warrant? [Not pausing] I thought not! Now, we must be on our way and leave you to pursue real, dangerous criminals, like = that Melody we keep hearing about! [Shivers] What a baddie she is!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.14.22.5 with SMTP id s5cs181585ees; Thu, 5 Aug 2010 10:03:20 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.151.42.18 with SMTP id u18mr12571372ybj.1.1281027799066; Thu, 05 Aug 2010 10:03:19 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <th4@rice.edu> Received: from mh6.mail.rice.edu (mh6.mail.rice.edu [128.42.201.4] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id r7si6260031ybg.69.2010.08.05.10.03.18; Thu, 05 Aug 2010 10:03:19 -0700 (PDT) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of th4@rice.edu designates 128.42.201.4 as permitted sender) client-ip=128.42.201.4; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of th4@rice.edu designates 128.42.201.4 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=th4@rice.edu Received: from mh6.mail.rice.edu (localhost.localdomain [127.0.0.1] ) by mh6.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTP id 3624BE400C; Thu, 5 Aug 2010 12:03:18 -0500 (CDT) X-Virus-Scanned: by amavis-2.6.0 at mh6.mail.rice.edu Received: from mh6.mail.rice.edu ( [127.0.0.1] ) by mh6.mail.rice.edu (mh6.mail.rice.edu [127.0.0.1] ) (amavisd-new, port 10024) with ESMTP id hMCDLPEQ5clx; Thu, 5 Aug 2010 12:03:18 -0500 (CDT) Received: from pulaski.rice.edu (pulaski.rice.edu [10.69.3.17] ) (using TLSv1 with cipher RC4-MD5 (128/128 bits)) (No client certificate requested) (Authenticated sender: th4) by mh6.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTPSA id B9C25E400A; Thu, 5 Aug 2010 12:03:17 -0500 (CDT) Message-ID: <4C5AEED5.1000508@rice.edu> Date: Thu, 05 Aug 2010 12:03:17 -0500 User-Agent: Thunderbird 2.0.0.21 (X11/20090310) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> CC: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> References: <AANLkTimc0+5q=QQ0E=D2zLsTPw1+QFy0oFbyzg=qfHC4@mail.gmail.com> <BBD41647-5626-436C-B1BB-E0DDCA1EE65E@gmail.com> In-Reply-To: <BBD41647-5626-436C-B1BB-E0DDCA1EE65E@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

Clint: Of course, if we *were* violent, dangerous criminals - which we're not! - then we wouldn't step into your net anyway. [Glances at Dur and Harvey.] Unless a ham sandwich were involved, anyway.

04.03.028

Gack: She's already been caught! Another epic battle of good against evil, where the morally upright HARMA organisation triumphed against all odds.

Alice: I thought she gave herself up?

Gack: [Puts his hands on his hips somewhat huffily] Well, that's a rather mean spirited way of putting it.

04.03.030

Charlie: Splendid! What a marvelous display of police work. Now that you have your baddie, I presume we are free to go? [Not waiting to = hear] Wonderful! We shall be on our way, then.From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.204.55.78 with SMTP id t14cs9794bkg; Mon, 9 Aug 2010 05:07:24 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.35.80 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.216.35.80; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.35.80 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.216.35.80] ) by 10.216.35.80 with SMTP id t58mr3409558wea.32.1281355644217 (num_hops = 1); Mon, 09 Aug 2010 05:07:24 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type:content-transfer-encoding; bh=GaU9nh0g0uPNmiFyp4Ooht78cu2He5rxUtN8PvLvzIg=; b=qjNLiNK3UTiVV9sbJw+EJdSj1HqxwY3Z51lPN2Elri6waUqAkM1fYu8Vva3V3wAMR7 VntU8R4bXjg5te+JX6kxkPoAqMwTJHqbxz6nXySnoTv54M57iXSAZbKUvgC0kIca2Wq6 W6koD9+NHpKWP5k7CNKWVQTfzYH4p54+Kox/kDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type :content-transfer-encoding; b=xqWc5f2im/R84grfz9+FuTvUAcaRGB3P1Be9xhI0ksKD+Q3UE5ZY9/cjWhZRLvBht5 9MK6mf15M6HoE/TX9UIdjz2ovesTkWp7QdH+/HEfkdXJ+u1PEHg897RC2feOadA9lVD5 3eCeFla/PD/weDiLoJLAMvYZNk5gs8tGQj5qAMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.35.80 with SMTP id t58mr2546969wea.32.1281355644181; Mon, 09 Aug 2010 05:07:24 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.53.213 with HTTP; Mon, 9 Aug 2010 05:07:24 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2010 13:07:24 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTikSjGYSEoHnRWJO3cLMHdriHJ=Qr=HWr+xLUC+e@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

ar] Wonderful! We shall be on our way, then.

Austin : [Deadpan] Yes, are they not miraculous in their diligence and skills. I sincerely doubt that there is any task that could best them, so modest, gallant and selfless. I expect that they do many great deeds without ever telling anyone. [Checks his nails casually]

04.03.031

Harvey : Indeed so! Well, we shall be on our way and I hope you net a future group of ruffians.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.03.032

Gack: Now that you mention it, we do an awful lot of unsung work. People think we have someone in to clean the toilets, for example, but who do you think does that? Me! And you might think that there would be cleaning products other than my toothbrush, but -- hey! You're all still under arrest for the theft of that bus!

04.03.034

Dur: Well it wasn't the first and I'm certain it won't be last. Obviously we can't be held accountable for EVERYTHING we do while we try to save the w= orld. Ever heard of Heroic Immunity?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.204.55.78 with SMTP id t14cs11763bkg; Mon, 9 Aug 2010 06:27:02 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.74.75 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.216.74.75; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.74.75 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.216.74.75] ) by 10.216.74.75 with SMTP id w53mr14580081wed.86.1281360421341 (num_hops = 1); Mon, 09 Aug 2010 06:27:01 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=G2sCUM448dZRXjuzFlrjbEPv938bA673nc4u7hHhnNo=; b=PScSIDXUFsNw/viU/880QMUsnKGkiBeZj9lmmYIg7CbLQ0A2aoO900OhiSRNkf8Js7 afsMyXJ0DkYEnKRaQPzyh64zCfPdH7C3WDyEBi/BBb1jXWYmLFXQPbVNt9iMvmdcExAI oQZXgp2Vr8g4mzWE58pxVFYHXbiyr7FwWey8wDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=gQ2QGkE8X4yIhVCZIiPehAbxpaoQdxNJ4Yy1JYtJ8Fadu/0oJW6q5CkyqMY2nGSW/i AAqeXqa8I8kFoB4dkiD+zOq7gWO6ad70/rNU61FAiWjppEl+dm3OAv0jAlmoOL+kuvV/ AMz4cT7Fxz9qYKHGM1i1YGtR22PRfVXjBStAcMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.74.75 with SMTP id w53mr10900684wed.86.1281360420683; Mon, 09 Aug 2010 06:27:00 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.53.213 with HTTP; Mon, 9 Aug 2010 06:27:00 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2010 14:27:00 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTik5bbxDMHN2c_zQPX4_9D4KtHG1LQSOwwb+WkKF@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : Or Justifiable actions? Hypothetically, would you rather that we borrowed your bus, or saved the world, the fact being that your bus would not exist if we had not saved the world.

04.03.035

Gack: Heroic immunity? Of course I have, but that only applies to members of the HARMA Initiative! [To Austin] You didn't save the world, you stole a bus, and made a very brave man very upset. Do you enjoy that kind of thing? Do you think it's funny that Captain Darling ended up crying like a little girl?

04.03.037

Dur: Can you PROVE that we DIDN'T save the world?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.204.55.78 with HTTP; Mon, 9 Aug 2010 06:37:34 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 9 Aug 2010 08:37:34 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=uxU+JjEkhM5VmXmjMfDsGhsFWj7ru6zcMr+AV@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: It is a little funny though, isn't it?

Gack: Right! That's it! [Draws his sword and starts running across the net to the party] Chaaaarge!

04.03.038

Austin : [Giggles] He cried like a little girl. [Stops laughing] I hope he triggers that net trap [Watches hopefully]

04.03.039

Harvey : Now that would be justice in action, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.03.040

[As if by magic, the net is suddenly swooped up, and GACK is left hanging in the middle of the road.]

Gack: Help! Help!

Alice: Hey look, he had a carriage! Let's steal it!

04.03.041

Austin : [Sighs in relief] I am so glad that he did not get closer, his breath must be disgusting. [Ponders] We should take his carriage back to town before some delinquents steal it. [To Gack] Don't worry, we will take your carriage back to town and get help!

04.03.042

Gack: Don't you dare! Don't you take it! I'm writing it down in my notebook now, and once it's written down you can't ever erase it from your record! Aw, crap, I dropped my pencil.

Alice: [Sits into the carriage] Don't worry, we'll treat it with kid gloves. [Reverses into a tree] Ooops. Didn't see that tree there.

04.03.043

Harvey : Ach, it's only a scrape! [Grimaces at the damage done] Come troop,let us be away!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.03.044

[Everyone loads in, and the carriage pulls off jerkily, leaving the rear bumper behind, hooked on the tree.]

Alice: So, I guess we're off the hook for that child murder thing, eh?

04.03.045

Austin : He did not appear to know about your infanticide, however, he also was a moron.

04.03.046

Alice: True, and so are most of HARMA, but there's a lot of them. [Turns around to talk to Austin] You know, I was thinking about what you said about being worried about us doing dark things with Pesty and stuff, and I think you might be right. Remember what Cocan told us about how sometimes good people have to do bad things to advance on The Path?

[The carriage begins to veer across the road slightly. No reason to panic yet, but if the veering continues, there will be.]


;;; Cocan is a soulmate of Sven, the party's all time favourite NPC.

;;; To their dismay, Cocan murdered a Hierophantic Knight some

;;; time ago, and was very callous about it, saying that the

;;; end justifies the means when it comes to fighting evil

04.03.047

Austin : [To Alice] Does that justify infanticide? It certainly justifies borrowing a bus, but it is hard to believe that Trindle advanced along his Path by murdering Lucy. How could he gain from that? [Sighs and gazes out of the window]

04.03.048

Alice: I'm not trying to justify it, I'm just saying that sometimes we might be forced to do bad things. Remember, we killed Jerome's and Azrael's baby to save the world.


;;; Book V, Act X.

04.03.049

Charlie: One doesn't like to dwell on such things! Admittedly, we've had to do some things I shan't be including in the Annual = Parker-Kensington Philimas Letter, but we are always motivated to act for the greatest good, after all. =20=

04.03.050

Alice: [Nods] Agreed!

[The carriage is now drifting dangerously across the road. Standing a short way up is John "Terry" O'Quinn, a member of The Swarm that the party have previously met. The carriage looks to be on a collision course with him.]

04.03.051

Harvey : [Alarmed] Dearest niece, eyes on the road, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.03.052

Alice: Yes, Uncle Harvey! I am actually -- [turns and looks] Aiiieee!

[ALICE jams on the brakes, and everyone hangs on as the carriage slowly skids to a halt, stopping half an inch from JOHN, who looks remarkably calm.]

John: [Gives the party a smile and a wave] Hello.

04.03.053

Harvey : [Pulling his embedded fingers off the dashboard with an audible popping sound] By the saints man, are you mad? You practically jumped in fron= t of our carriage, ruining my dear nieces display of perfect driving!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.03.054

Austin : He obviously has great faith in Alice's driving skills.


;;;; lots of meetings today

04.03.055

John: Not really, I think she's a lunatic who's so careless she should probably be banned from walking. My faith is in Clementine. I wonder, could I trouble you good people for a word?


;;; John is a member of The Swarm. A group of people who had no visions

;;; during the blackout, and who believe they have been chosen by

;;; Clementine not to die, while everyone else is being punished by having

;;; seen their own, violent deaths.

04.03.056

Charlie: [To John, cagily] I suppose. What is it you would like to say to us?=

04.03.057

Austin : [Briefly checks his watch] Chatty fellow isn't he.

04.03.058

John: It's not me, it's Terry. He's just over here. [Juts his thumb towards a small wood off to one side] It's about HARMA.


;;; Terry was the leader of The Swarm. Although all the other members seemed

;;; to want to shake off all material possessions, Terry, real name William

;;; Worship, seemed to have more than enough cigars, whisky and cheese

04.03.059

Austin : [Looks at the small wood] Well, we shall wait until he has finished doing his business if you don't mind, it does not do to interrupt a chap whilst he is engaged in that occupation. Does he usually take this long?

04.03.060

Harvey : Perhaps he is also looking for paper, not just a word

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.03.061

Dur: [Picking some food from his teeth] Why doesn't he just use his hands like me?

04.03.062

John: I'm sure what you're saying makes some sort of sense, but I'm afraid it makes none to me. Terry is camped over in those woods, hiding from HARMA. He'd like you to join him there for a few moments, if that's okay with you. There's whisky there, and food!

04.03.063

Austin : Oh, he is camping! I see. Gets out of the carriage, [To Harvey] well, let's pay him a visit shall we, colonel.

04.03.065

Charlie: [To Austin] Yes, Mr. Sleaze, perhaps we should see what this about, [to the group] but do be cautious! One never knows what dangers = lurk at a campsite!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.204.55.78 with SMTP id t14cs16651bkg; Tue, 10 Aug 2010 08:17:30 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.86.15 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.216.86.15; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.86.15 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.216.86.15] ) by 10.216.86.15 with SMTP id v15mr20765736wee.9.1281453450042 (num_hops = 1); Tue, 10 Aug 2010 08:17:30 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type:content-transfer-encoding; bh=ohQQc7Aryu/+VdFqpqolZBWSSuwiZsjpnCYSKkfJ1L8=; b=s6w58uSrUJDuFTTPW6PT6lsZTYkU0RiG6qzwXk4u8aZbrimkFzAB1h4wmt0c2z65/0 3ErdAPI6opuPflUMrpsyLe9lNcLQGK015npwUCQfr99td0i5dhbOwg8K9XtwByaH3rQH gUiUsi16iP/uVA+z+4jiR+t+wd1+1QaaLlD14DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type :content-transfer-encoding; b=d2Hz78+W8X1jCLiusRsTJRD6TQXIGPGTQbPV1ebMGs2fgHGKcPU8Ysy78+mzfgbkYk PfZxn9GKHNR6NML1P4f2496uR65HyVDDmSG/mgAOssCk4IXuOu9kALVoNU4uoirttqJ+ ocCEL4IIKTYJZA8BOhpQ0ByC1VT6xtlDf/U2MMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.86.15 with SMTP id v15mr15503808wee.9.1281453449971; Tue, 10 Aug 2010 08:17:29 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.53.213 with HTTP; Tue, 10 Aug 2010 08:17:29 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 10 Aug 2010 16:17:29 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTimDdtz-ZMd-8hLOzCadzW-CeRQFPBRd3WN5ennv@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

at a campsite!

Austin : Or the basement of an agricultural college. [Feigns surprise] except for you of course [smirks]


;;;awa hame and on holiday for 2 weeks! byeeee

04.03.066

[The party follow JOHN to the wood, and soon come to a small clearing where there are two men. ADAM "TERRY" MCPATCH, who is wearing a HARMA uniform, and REVEREND BEN "TERRY" BENEDICTION, who is dressed similarly to the man originally introduced to the party as their leader (REV. WILLIAM "TERRY" WORSHIP) but is clearly someone different.]

Adam: [Snaps to attention] Terry! Is this them?

John: It sure is. [To the party, gesturing to Adam] This is Terry, and, of course, [gestures to Ben] Terry.

Ben: [Smoking a huge cheeserette] 'sup?

04.03.067

Charlie: [Looks around, at a bit of a loss] Er, hello, Terries! We are [gestures to each in turn] Harvey, Alice, Clint, Austin, Dur, and I am = Dr. Charlotte Parker-Kensington, Watcher. Someone here wanted to speak to us?=

04.03.068

Ben: Oh? [Looks around] Who was that?

John: That was you, Terry.

Ben: Huh. Oh yeah, I think we might have a common enemy. The HARMA Initiative.

04.03.069

Charlie: We do, indeed, but what do you propose? Working together? Have you a plan to bring them to justice?=

04.03.070

Ben: Yes we do. We were thinking that you could kill him. [Points at Harvey]


;;; Colin's out today

Harvey: By the saints! Sir! No, a thousand times no!

Ben: Uh, not you, the picture of the guy behind you.

[The party turn to look. It is a picture of JOE NUNPAR, the leader of HARMA, formerly the leader of the GUARDIANS OF UPRIGHTNESS, and ultra-conservative rightwing busy body who had the party wrongfully thrown in jail to be tortured to death.]

04.03.072

Charlie: Well, he IS perfectly dreadful, though out-and-out killing someone is a bit much, isn't it? Perhaps we could imprison him, as a = compromise?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.204.55.78 with SMTP id t14cs101414bkg; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 05:57:38 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.150.73.3 with SMTP id v3mr192936yba.362.1281617857773; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 05:57:37 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Received: from nammailgw.heidelbergcement.com (nammailgw.heidelbergcement.com [12.51.184.11] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id v6si3862849ybm.68.2010.08.12.05.57.37; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 05:57:37 -0700 (PDT) Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 12.51.184.11 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of Kevin.Day@hanson.biz) client-ip=12.51.184.11; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 12.51.184.11 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of Kevin.Day@hanson.biz) smtp.mail=Kevin.Day@hanson.biz Received: from GRPMHIrvg701.grouphc.net (10.201.96.75) by GRPMEIRVG701.grouphc.net (10.202.243.36) with Microsoft SMTP Server (TLS) id 8.1.436.0; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:57:39 -0500 Received: from GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net ( [10.201.97.9] ) by GRPMHIrvg701.grouphc.net ( [10.201.96.75] ) with mapi; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:57:36 -0500 To: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> CC: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, "Tom Henderson" <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, "Colin Dinan" <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:56:53 -0500 Thread-Topic: [qv] 04.03.072 Thread-Index: Acs6EhA+u1ijCfC9RCKdwPT7hFohsgAC518g Message-ID: <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176904DB6CD2D4@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> References: <AANLkTi=ForPHv-FBde_+2aWiXgKGqDSRV-G6s55B_h3o@mail.gmail.com> <947FFCEB-9C84-4827-8590-1B0B47632459@gmail.com> In-Reply-To: <947FFCEB-9C84-4827-8590-1B0B47632459@gmail.com> Accept-Language: en-US Content-Language: en-US X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: acceptlanguage: en-US Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable MIME-Version: 1.0 Return-Path: Kevin.Day@hanson.biz

Dur: [Hastily puts away his dagger] Err... Yes. I agree, of course. Life issacred, blah blah blah.=

04.03.073

Ben: [Shrugs] As long as you remove him from HARMA, we'll be happy.

04.03.074

Dur: Great idea! But how do we do that?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.204.55.78 with SMTP id t14cs103896bkg; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:29:02 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.101.204.12 with SMTP id g12mr156934anq.249.1281623342055; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:29:02 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received: from mail-gx0-f170.google.com (mail-gx0-f170.google.com [209.85.161.170] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id g14si2201855vcj.37.2010.08.12.07.29.00; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:29:01 -0700 (PDT) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates 209.85.161.170 as permitted sender) client-ip=209.85.161.170; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates 209.85.161.170 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass (test mode) header.i=@gmail.com Received: by mail-gx0-f170.google.com with SMTP id 25so503116gxk.1 for <multiple recipients>; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:29:00 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:received:received:references:message-id:from:to :in-reply-to:content-type:content-transfer-encoding:x-mailer :mime-version:subject:date:cc; bh=Eg1vZnjyAljIytVj3OJrQHLH6lX7p1d4wgO7ahFgB6I=; b=ps/QojQk+CKc2BiAu0zHfhLXgTtGIJxUZpSIF6ZxjyAD6HDQb/gzd3v66ORCS8gyTk uc9mwXMg2SRXaC4NxD3XChrup8qxUJ6tg8Li8GqqgITC+F89nT78Q2miSv4L2HsVZNtU v+11s+bSdsooGgIFmzOKgg6Aq8xujq/Iwq9MIDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=references:message-id:from:to:in-reply-to:content-type :content-transfer-encoding:x-mailer:mime-version:subject:date:cc; b=kGp00JMJVoHe+K7RY3XQBdL87ENLmwNcwOgwBojnmmygIadqs/PumBZnMDdqvPy3Ae mp7AWdWJYt5eWcLlwMSKgyRRUz/NnuRq9VUeBBbc7ZaTTGiIHRBP4QjsTHCu1D+t8CLN EsykPD2/LgOO/Bx7BAVEfmrAd6cM/cX9N+LzAReceived: by 10.100.165.12 with SMTP id n12mr255781ane.23.1281623340302; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:29:00 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received: from [192.168.1.103] ( [24.112.28.217] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTPS id 14sm2421102ant.1.2010.08.12.07.28.57 (version=TLSv1/SSLv3 cipher=RC4-MD5); Thu, 12 Aug 2010 07:28:58 -0700 (PDT) References: <AANLkTinvMFZEMXRtMxNt+KSG6dsvF2np6qjdsbPdzYqJ@mail.gmail.com> Message-Id: <0308FE93-A951-4DC6-B359-D7728E32F040@gmail.com> To: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> In-Reply-To: <AANLkTinvMFZEMXRtMxNt+KSG6dsvF2np6qjdsbPdzYqJ@mail.gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable X-Mailer: iPad Mail (7B405) Mime-Version: 1.0 (iPad Mail 7B405) Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2010 09:29:33 -0500 Cc: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com>

Charlie: [Cheerily] Why, that would be much more palatable! Have you any suggestions for how to get him removed?=

04.03.075

Ben: I was thinking suicide mission.

Austin: [Idly looking at some of the bottles of wine in a case near Ben] Mm-mm. Pateau Chat de Neuf '65? Exquisite.

04.03.076


;;; Colin's still out?

Harvey: Suicide mission? By the saints, chappie, why would we want to do that?

Ben: Because you're all going to die in a painful, violent way anyhow. You might as well get it over with. [To Austin] Help yourself, we have loads of it. The Swarm like to give up their worldly possessions. Isn't that right, Terry?

John: Yes, Terry.

04.03.077

Clint: [Cheerfully.] Suicide mission it is! This'll be, what, our 20th?


;;; Sorry about the last few days. I was at a meeting where I was *supposed*

;;; to have internet access!

04.03.078

Alice: So, we kill your enemy and get killed in the process? Is there anything else we can do for you?

Ben: It would be great if you could sign over all your worldly possessions, shave your heads and change your names to Terry.

04.03.080

Dur: What if we don't have any worldly possessions?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.204.55.78 with HTTP; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 09:00:11 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2010 11:00:11 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTin-tWBhL-A5t5=_YxZz0gwy0TJJfNoKwo15wE6Y@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

John: Then you're already well on the way. However, I think what Terry is getting at is that you could pass as Candidates, not that he believes you are. [To Dur] Except you, perhaps, because you didn't have a vision.

04.03.082

Dur: Yeah! That's right! So slap my ass and call me Terry!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.204.55.78 with HTTP; Thu, 12 Aug 2010 09:22:26 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 12 Aug 2010 11:22:26 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTinWzPQt5nQ8AMysXr9p=OAnCR8uPp8NFNn=zyqN@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Ben: Terry, why don't you shave his head?

Patch: [Grabs a rusty looking blade, and speaking through clenched teeth with barely repressed rage] It'll be my pleasure!

04.03.083

Charlie: [To Patch] You'll do no such thing! Dur is like a loyal, simple-minded pet to us, and we will not let you have him!=

04.03.084

Patch: [Holding up a very shaky hand] He's ours now, part of The Swarm. What happens when you die your violent death because of your sins? Who'll look after him then?

04.03.085

Clint: He can look after himself. He'll have plenty of dead bodies to go around, so that'll feed him for at *least* a month!

04.03.086

Dur: Longer if I harvest the internal organs for some of my mom's home cooked Mystery Soup! [Eyes the blade] Still... I could use a haircut. No sense = in not looking my best for the end of the world!

04.03.087

Patch: Bend over so I can use my big chopper on you!


;;; Somewhere, Chastity is turning in her grave!

04.03.088

Dur: [Looks wary as he leans forward] We're still just talking about a haircut right?

04.03.089

Charlie: [To Dur] Don't just blindly follow what they order you to do! You're supposed to blindly follow ME instead!!=

04.03.090

[PATCH attacks DUR's hair, and, in a flurry of shaking hands, hair and blood, is finished shaving his head within seconds.]

Patch: [Holds up a mirror] Watcha think?

[It is, frankly, difficult to tell, because of all the blood on DUR's head.]


;;; We need to take Colin's work address off the list, but we can leave

;;; the gmail one.

04.03.091

Dur: [Looks in the mirror nervously] Errr.... Is that your blood or mine?

04.03.092

Patch: Most of it is yours.

Alice: How come some your blood is on his head?

Patch: Not my blood.

04.03.094

Dur: Then whose? [Tries to cast a healing spell on his mangled head] From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.204.55.78 with HTTP; Fri, 13 Aug 2010 07:04:19 -0700 (PDT) Date: Fri, 13 Aug 2010 09:04:19 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=tTN5c0DEfMty+b4XerfpnipZ3bpKzsotTSqoL@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Patch: [Shrugs] No idea.

[DUR casts his spell, and the relief on his face is enough to show that it worked. However, PATCHis outraged at this, and looks horrified.]

Patch: Terry! Look what he did! Let's kill him!

Alice: Look out, Dur! He might shave you to death!


;;; No Colin again today

Harvey: I say! Stand down, that man!

04.03.095

Dur: [Eyes widen as he hides behind Charlie] Hey! I thought I was part of the club now? Why are you trying to kill me?=

04.03.096

Ben: Easy, Terry, [gestures to Dur] Terry here is new to the fold, he doesn't understand the rules yet. [To Dur] Now that you're part of The Swarm, you must give up magic. Everyone is equal, no one has any advantages.

Austin: [Pouring out some of the wine and smelling it] Ah! Wonderful! [Takes a sip] Except you, of course.

Patch: Terry's just helping us gather all the prohibited items.

04.03.097

Dur: No magic! But that's crazy talk! Maybe you should post your member requirements so people know before they agree to join!=

04.03.098

Patch: [Angrily] You don't get to agree to join! You get chosen by Clementine! You should be down on your knees thanking her for sparing your worthless hide!

04.03.099

Dur: [Gets all huffy] Well, I never! I'll have you know good sir that this doctor doen't get on his knees for anything less than begging for his life!=

04.03.100

Alice: Or a piece of left over food that's fallen out of the trash!

Harvey: [To Ben] Let me get this straight, sir! You expect us to sacrifice our lives to get your enemy out of the way? What have you got to offer us in return?

Ben: An army of shaven headed zealots who believe they are immortal, who will do your every bidding in the name of Clementine.

04.03.101

Clint: Hmm. Tempting! But how the hell are we supposed to use the army of shaven headed zealots if we're dead?

04.03.102

Ben: I was thinking more along the lines of you using them immediately prior to getting dead.


;;; Heather's afk

Charlie: This is preposterous! Why should we enter into such an arrangement?

Ben: [To the party in general] Because you're dead, you're all dead. It's just a matter of time, but you know it's coming, and you know it's going to be violent, and you know that if you try to stop it, it'll just happen faster. Take out HARMA while you go, and at least those of us left behind will have some quality of life. [Takes a bit of an Orang-utang skin roll, stuffed with puppy eyes] Mm! This is really good!

04.03.103

Clint: [Guffaws.] So you want us to be all noble and self-sacrificing and stuff? Buddy, have you paid any attention to our press releases at all?!

04.03.104

Ben: Indeed I have, Mr. Scar, and that is why I believe you need redemption. [Takes a smoke of his huge cheeserette] You people have broken every law of God, man and nature, and, while I do have a certain respect for you, you have been judged, and you know that you will suffer. Sometimes bad people need to do good things. It's all about redemption.


;;; And there we must pause until next week, as we're travelling

04.03.105

Alice: Maybe so, but we're not bad people!

Ben: Then how do you explain why you've been judged and condemned to death?

04.03.105


;;; QVIM

Harvey: This is a test.

04.03.105

Harvey: New test

04.03.105

dddd

04.03.105

dddd

04.03.106

Austin : [Curious] Who has judged us and condemned us to death?

04.03.107

Dur: Yeah! I don't seem to remember any trial. Er.... Any RECENT trial thatis.

04.03.108

Ben: That would be Clementine, my friend. Either you're gonna be spared [gestures to himself and the other Terries] or you're gonna be judged for your sinful ways. [Drinks some more wine, before turning to Dur] The trial has been running your whole life.

Alice: And still he was innocent? I demand a recount!

04.03.109

Charlie: At any rate, history is full of atrocious miscarriages of justice and wrongful accusations! Just because one often finds one must = seek additional office supplies from a supply closet doesn't mean one is having an affair with a broad-shouldered post-doc forced to keep his = office hours in said closet due to a roof leakage in the Davison building! One simply MUST have sharp pencils and new notepads to = conduct one's research!=20From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.231.208.71 with SMTP id gb7cs10855ibb; Wed, 25 Aug 2010 07:07:12 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.164.132 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.216.164.132; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.164.132 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.216.164.132] ) by 10.216.164.132 with SMTP id c4mr1303268wel.9.1282745231632 (num_hops = 1); Wed, 25 Aug 2010 07:07:11 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=BZTq1dX0O/lcrxgO5eWS4sp3A3u263K8xz/C6IlWHJc=; b=AKcKBc0DYcxKFEP5Ra7bVy9otfm4nYvan40sRGnSj5zB6rpSyLlsbFQ/jH2jqLCfty +D8nZ3tHWlL9BQPtMwg11cVaG4yEZ90LrJuJYCPL0cNnpfM7wi2LJ3tjtFb8Ce7oNea1 RWgIgdQh5m44L2/fhlgj/3NGxUh+qYNOOMiY8DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=LEmV63pGp9lzbs7shx5WXZOk2qbgc3YBg72vy58WQKYRV2dXUypK5F1u1dBUbd51WL /dqJ5ta/jov5AJXw5Ei4mLJMQUav/SA7VkZP+FK6u2yZiE9sLulTznJGskarVOujpSUe LA4KnTgz5gtNSMp9+PePPmm1FzU2BULkzGhLkMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.164.132 with SMTP id c4mr865250wel.9.1282745231566; Wed, 25 Aug 2010 07:07:11 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.23.140 with HTTP; Wed, 25 Aug 2010 07:07:11 -0700 (PDT) Date: Wed, 25 Aug 2010 15:07:11 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTi=XNyyA4M1cM44BDHymG6sxOmHKuCgaUhZ=EFT5@mail.gmail.com> To: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> Cc: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : [Sighs, checking his nails casually] Well, I really don't give a dam what Clementine thinks. She is just another tyrant with world domination plans, probably due to some childhood insecurities that she has never managed to overcome.

04.03.110

Patch: [Gets in Austin's face] You shut your god damned mouth, you sonofabitch! You'll give a damn when you die in some horribly gruesome fashion and The Swarm inherits the earth! I'll cut your head off and prop it up on a stake so the rest of the sinners will see what's in store for them!

John: But first, would you mind killing Joe Nunpar for us?

04.03.111

Charlie: We'd be monsters if we didn't mind! A better question would be, are we willing?!=

04.03.111

Austin : [Alarmed at Patch] I see, and unfortunately I can also smell. You really should do something about your halitosis, it is most disgusting. [Steps away from Patch. To John] Surely killing is a sin, therefore killing Joe cannot be beneficial with respect to reducing our [does double finger quotes] hypothetical "sin" debt.

04.03.113

Dur: [Shrugs] Hey, you can count me in!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.231.208.71 with HTTP; Wed, 25 Aug 2010 07:26:48 -0700 (PDT) Date: Wed, 25 Aug 2010 15:26:48 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTimMk37-Pa-qz73cpMTbLAaCGaZvspZjE=RccBrb@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Ben: Sure it's a sin, but if it's a sin committed to stop him from committing an even bigger sin, then it's only a small sin, and if you are willing to commit a small sin in order to stop someone else from committing a big sin, then your big sins will be smaller sins because of it. Our army is at your disposal.

04.03.114

Charlie: Who are you to judge the comparative gravity of sins?

04.03.115

Ben: Hey baby, I'm the leader of The Swarm. Click-click!

04.03.116

Clint: More importantly, he's the leader of a violent faction of religious fanatics, who he's offered to loan to us. I bet we can find a use for thousands of violent religious fanatics, none of whom are all that bright!


;;; *wince* Sorry, I forgot this was restarting so slept in!

04.03.117

Patch: [Gives a stern thumbs up to Clint] That's right!

Alice: Er, can we discuss it?

Ben: Sure, but don't take too long, the rapture, she is a-coming!

04.03.118

Clint: Well then let's go talk about what we could do with their private army!

04.03.119

[The party step off to one side.]

Alice: Maybe we should use them to take all Ben's cool stuff?

04.03.120

Austin : [Stops looking at himself in his pocket mirror. To Alice] What cool stuff? [Looks around]

04.03.121

Alice: All the nice wine, fine cigars, the cheese and that big bucket of money, and not to mention all those pocket mirrors that they've collected from The Swarm.

04.03.122

Austin : [Eyes light up at the mention of pocket mirror] Hmmm, really. [Looks glazed over for a moment] I wonder what atrocities Joe is expected to commit, if he is not stopped?

04.03.123

John: [Who's somehow part of the group huddle] Mainly the incarceration of and violence towards The Swarm. Plus, the general oppression of the entire population.

04.03.124

Austin : So why can we not simply kidnap him, or something like that. All of this killing business is rather unpleasant.

04.03.125

John: Sounds reasonable.

04.03.126

Austin : [Sips his wine, savouring the taste] Hmm, excellent. [To the party] Isn't it a shame that you are all going to die horribly. Visions are so double edged. [Sips his wine] Perhaps you could tell me how each of you are going to die, as I would not want to get to close, so perhaps some indications and pointers could be useful.

04.03.129

Charlie: (Excited, flipping out a notepad) Oh, do tell! And give as much detail as possible!


;;;Sorry for the lack of brackets, Conor! None on this keyboard!From qvblogger

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Clint: Okay, focus, guys! We can deal with this after we use the psychotic religious fanatics to destroy HARMA and get me elected president.

04.03.130

John: I think that sounds like a really good idea, Clint. What's the plan? Pay a quick visit to Queens View to scope out the situation and get the lay of the land?

04.03.131

president.

Charlie: (Looking at her notepad) Wait, it says here we agreed to remove Nunpar from HARMA rather than kill him? Haven't we already struck this =


;;;Didn't we, or am I misremembering this?From qvblogger

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Clint: Oh, I guess we did. Well, we couldn't *possibly* change how we do the job, could we? [Mugging furiously]

04.03.132

Austin : [Sipping his wine] What do you suggest Mr Scar, kicking him until he is half dead, then kidnapping him, I suppose. [Rolls his eyes]


;;;awa hame

04.03.133

Alice: Great plan, Clint! And what do you think will happen then? Some aliens will land in their space-flying-thingama-jig and fly us all away? Because that's a ridiculous plan, Clint, not only because of the astronomical chances against any aliens landing here, but also because of the even more astronomical ones against them knowing or caring about our problems!


;;; Yes, the party pretty much agreed to just remove him!

04.03.134

Clint: Well, I was kinda thinking we could start a war between HARMA and these freaks here, let 'em kill each other off, and then, tada! Instant peace and happiness, plus lots of dead bodies for Dur to eat/practice medicine on. It's the perfect plan!

04.03.135

Alice: [Glares at Clint] I suppose it's better than the plan with the aliens!

04.03.136

Instant peace and happiness, plus lots of dead bodies for Dur to eat/practice medicine on. It's the perfect plan!

Charlie: Ooh, that is rather good. And think of the money we will save, no longer having to pay fines because Dur was caught picking through yet = another trash can for moldy uncooked bits of meat!!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.231.208.71 with HTTP; Fri, 27 Aug 2010 01:45:39 -0700 (PDT) Date: Fri, 27 Aug 2010 09:45:39 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=8WD6+nY0XfBdy4KwzPVKtwZYGDxSKijRKukx+@mail.gmail.com> To: Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather Goggans <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: True, but will the ready availability of fresh Swarm members satisfy his lust for rotten meat?

04.03.137

Austin : [Sighs] My my, the party has become rather grim and morose since you had those visions of your deaths. [Sips his wine] Most regrettable. [Ponders] Where about did you see those pocket mirrors?

04.03.138

Alice: Over behind the stacks of loot near Ben.

[There is indeed a stack of nice pocket mirrors, as well as all sorts of knick knacks that people may carry around with them.]

04.03.139

Charlie: Why so many mirrors, I wonder?

04.03.140

Alice: Well, there are fewer mirrors than spoons, so maybe the really question should be why so many spoons?

John: There was a shortage of mirrors, people had to have something to look at their reflection in.

04.03.141

Austin : Not that any of you would want to see your reflections [Smirks. Wanders over to the pile of loot and examines a few items]


;;; Austin is looking for a fine pocket mirror, and a knife and even a

slingshot and ammo if there are any? Anything else of interest there?

04.03.142

[Before AUSTIN can start checking through the loot, PATCH steps in front of him.]

Patch: Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing, boy?

04.03.143

Clint: [Helpfully.] Don't mind him - he's just indulging in a little self-love [nods, indicating Austin and his reflection] . You get used to it.

04.03.143

Austin : [Calmly sips his wine] Why, looking for equipment that might be useful in the coming conflict. You may or may not know that I have recently returned from the dead, and therefore I do not currently support my usual choice of weaponryl An inadvisable position to be in prior to combat. [Sighs] If I cannot find that which I need we may be unduly delayed, or if you do not want me to use what I might find here. If you like I shall return the items after our mission, which would be your preference?

04.03.144

Patch: The hell I will! Keep your grubby mitts of this stuff. It's the property of The Swarm.

John: Sounds like you guys should be on your way to Queens View. Someone from The Swarm will contact you once you're there, but be on the lookout, for this is a man so cunning at disguises that he could literally be anyone.

04.03.145

Clint: Hey lawyer, maybe you should just let them send you into battle with crappy weapons. Then, when you get crippled as a result, you can sue them, make millions in punitive and compensatory damages, and then let Dur fix you back up!

04.03.146

Patch: [To Austin] That's the biggest crock I've ever heard in my life!

Ben: Patch, be cool. Remember, possessions are just weight that hold our souls back from soaring to heaven. Let him equip himself for the glorious mission ahead. [Drinks some more wine] Just make sure you get a receipt for everything he takes.

04.03.147

Austin : [To Ben] Thank you. [Has a look thought the loot]

04.03.148

Patch: I'm keepin' an eye on you, boy!

[There is a big selection of loot, all of which is mainly small sized personal items, the sort of things that people would have been carrying around with them. Virtually none of it is of any possible use for adventuring.]

Alice: Whoohoo! This is gonna be great!

04.03.149

Austin : [To Patch] Well Terry, you will be please to know that there is nothing of any use or value in this heap of rubbish. [Sighs, wandering over to Alice, sipping his wine] It seems that we may have to go to war unarmed [Frowns] .

04.03.150

Ben: Now you are learning, Austin. These cheap trinkets, these .... devil's playthings. They are worthless. Sacrifice, however, for the greater good, now that's something with value.

[Exit the party.]

Patch: [Claps his hands and laughs gleefully] Haw! For a minute there, I thought they'd find all the hams! I figured covering them with mirrors would stop anyone from looking.

Ben: Clementine works in mysterious ways, Terry.


;;; End of scene

04.04.001

[Book VII, Act IV, Scene IV. Approaching Queens View. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and HARVEY are here, back on the carriage, which is just barely holding together.]

Alice: It doesn't seem like they have much of a plan, does it? I mean, what are we supposed to do with all of those Terries?

04.04.002

Charlie: Perhaps we haven't been told the real plan!

04.04.002

Austin : [Musing] Well, I could get a sedan chair and they could carry me around in it wherever I should choose to go. Keeps one out of the mud.

04.04.003


;;; Colin's still away?

Harvey: By the saints, Private Sleaze, that's a wonderful idea and no mistake. It reminds me of the glorious campaign in Vietnumnum, where we had a tribe of pygmies to carry us around. Of course, the blackguards were so small it took nearly a dozen, and most of them died of STDs and malnutrition before we got to the end of the trail, but happy days!

Alice: Er, it might be a bit conspicuous, though, no?

04.04.003

Alice: I thought we were making up the plan!

04.04.004

Dur: Maybe that IS the plan. Have Austin and the Terries distract Harma while we slip inside and bring the pain? After all, they aren't really looking= for Austin... Yet.

04.04.005

Alice: I don't think we've agreed to anything yet! Surely we're just here to see if Charlie's ex can give us some help with this prophecy?

04.04.006

Austin : Indeed. The plan to get the colonel to kill Joe Nunpar was the Swarm's plan, not the colonels. [Checks his nails briefly] Either way, being carried around in sedan chairs is a good idea.

04.04.007

Harvey: By the saints, Private! I'll be damned if I carry you around!

04.04.007

Clint: Bah! I still think my plan of using the Terries to wipe out HARMA and vice versa is the best one.

04.04.008

Alice: Good idea, Clint. Now, where are ALL the HARMA guys?

04.04.009

Clint: Do I have to think of everything? [Shrugs.] Until we figure that out, let's just go talk to Deuce.

04.04.010

Alice: Good idea, Clint!

[The party get to the town gates. Standing here is GEORGE LA FORGE, a HARMA Officer the party clashed with before.]

George: Halt! Who goes there?

04.04.011

Clint: [Looks around at the party.] Who goes where?

04.04.012

George: I have two pens. A green pen that I use to write down the names of people permitted entry, [holds up the pen] sometimes with a little smiley face drawn beside them because they were really nice, and I also have a red pen. I use that one to write down the names of people refused entry. [Puts the green pen in his pocket] Looks like I won't be needing this baby.

04.04.013

Austin : [To George] I don't expect that 'baby' has ever been used, though ironically I also expect that you have spent your entire life longing to use it, longing for someone that you can call a friend. [Coolly] Did your social isolation and loneliness cause you great pain as a child? Perhaps we could be your friends?

04.04.014

George: Pretty much, until my late teens, when I learned to harvest the emptiness in my soul for -- hey! [Drops his head] Why would you want to be my friends?

04.04.015

Austin : [Shrugs] You seem like a nice guy who has just never been given the chance. We are a pretty open minded bunch, easy going, happy go lucky. Maybe you will fit in? If you change your mind, it's no problem, you have nothing to loose.

04.04.016

George: Other than my fanatical devotion to HARMA, the only people who've ever been a family to me.

Alice: Yeah, but they're jerks.

George: True, but, you know -- hey!

04.04.017

Charlie: We know loads of jerks, so you'll hardly miss them!

04.04.017

Austin : Apart from our bessy mate Joe Nunpar, he's cool. [Checks his nails] We have come round to invite Joe to dinner, perhaps you would like to come too. Sheldon is an excellent chef.

04.04.018

George: That sounds great! I'd love to sit down with Joe, I just know we'll be bessy-ems too. I've tried to spend time with him, and he knows I'm there, you know, I can see the sneaky wave to my position in the tree, or when I'm parked across from his house all night, but actual contact would be just great. He's over there [points into the town] checking out the picket.

04.04.019

Alice: [Gestures to Clint] See? He's almost as annoying as HARMA people, just less clean.

04.04.020

Austin : [Smiles] Excellent, well, we just need to invite Joe to dinner and we are all good. I do hope he can make it. [To George] What would be the best way for us to get our message to Joe, I would rather invite him in person, but I fear that he may be rather busy, [Ponders] I'm sure he will take a minute to see us though.

04.04.021

George: I don't really know how to speak to him directly, but I can tell you a few ways that don't work: building a tree house outside his bedroom, sitting in your carriage outside his house, dressing up as a scary clown and surprising him in the bathroom, posting yourself naked to his house.

Alice: [Goes to say something] Ma-

George: [Continues] Letter writing campaigns, disguising yourself as his paternal grandmother, disguising yourself as his maternal grandmother, hiring a billboard, disguising him as your maternal grandmother. [Thinks] That one almost worked.

04.04.022

Dur: [Arching a brow] All are certainly good ideas, but we were thinking ofsomething a little subtler.=

04.04.023

George: Look at all the crazy things I've done to get in contact with him! If none of those worked, surely something more subtle has no chance!

04.04.024

Austin : But how about something so subtle, that you are not even trying to make contact with him, but contact is simply an inevitable consequence, a coincidence, [Pauses] Like coincidentally being invited to the same dinner party! It's perfect.

04.04.025

George: [Doubtfully] I'm not sure, I'm invited to dinner parties every night, and Joe's never invited to any of those.

Alice: Really? I thought you had no friends. Where are all these parties?

George: At home, it's mainly me and my dolls, although sometimes a hungry hedgehog turns up, [whispers] between you and me, I think he's got a drinking problem.

04.04.026

Clint: Yeah, but we'll get invited because we're not total losers with an unhealthy obsession with a psychotic dictator!

04.04.027

George: Oh yeah? Well what DO you have an unhealthy obsession with?

04.04.028

Clint: [Shrugs.] Easy women, fast carriages, cheese, and beating the crap out of the bad guys?

04.04.029

George: Huh. Hm, that sounds much cooler. Well, I suppose you better go in.

04.04.030

[Time passes.]

George: [Rocking back and forth on his feet] Yup, whenever you're ready, just head riiight in.

04.04.031

Charlie: Splendid! [To the group] Let us be off!


;;;Sorry, jetlag strikes!

04.04.032

[The party head into Queens View, which looks much, much cleaner than before. Right in the centre, on top of the old town park, there is a huge building being constructed. It's difficult to see what it will be, but there are several HARMA flags covering parts of it. The party head towards the building pointed out by GEORGE, it is Moe's Tavern, which was owned and operated by MOE MOE, until his untimely death in Book I. It now has a sign that reads "Chuck's Watering Whole" above it. There is also a smaller sign that reads "Madame Eternuer, upstairs", beside it. There are two HARMA members here, TED and DOUGAL NUNPAR, each of whom has a placard, reading "Down with this sort of thing" and "Ah now, come on, in fairness", respectively. They see the party approaching.]

Ted: Down with this sort of thing!

Dougal Ah now, come on, in fairness!

<p><A href=http://queens-view.com/cast.php?query=Dougal%20Nunpar> Dougal Nunpar</A>

04.04.033

Dur: [Looks confused] Did you just say, "Come on in?"=20

04.04.034

Ted: He certainly did not!

Dougal: [Reproachfully] Ah now! Now!

Ted: This is a terrible place! A terrible, terrible place!

04.04.035

Dur: I'm confused as to what exactly is going on here?=20


;;; Is Dougal the one we were supposed to kill?

04.04.036


;;; No! That's Joe! The party haven't met either of these

;;; before

Ted: Sin! Sin and depravity! That's what's going on here! The most vile and disgusting acts you can imagine!

Alice: I don't know, you'd be surprised at what we can imagine.

Ted: I doubt it, because I've seen what goes on there. It's awful, just awful!

04.04.037

Charlie: [To Ted, flipping a notebook open and brandishing a pencil] What sorts of things? Alphabetically would be best.

04.04.038

Ted: [Thinks for a moment] Awful things, bad things, crazy things, [gives a little shake] dirrrrty things, evil things, filthy things, gross things, horrible things, icky things. [Pauses for breath]

04.04.039

Dur: Oh good. Sounds like our kind of place then.

04.04.040

Ted: [Waves his sign in front of Dur] No! This isn't good at all! It's awful!

04.04.041

Clint: Well, we'd better investigate in the name of truth and godliness.

04.04.042

Charlie: Yes, and we really should get to the bottom of this dirrrrrtiness!

04.04.043

Ted: [Pushes Clint away with his sign] No! Don't demean yourself, brother!

04.04.044

Clint: [Trying to be clever, and failing miserably.] Uh, have you *seen* who I hang out with?

04.04.045

Charlie: [To Ted] Do stop harassing my colleague! He has every right to demean himself. [To the party] Come, group! Do not be dissuaded by these comically ineffectual signs!

04.04.046

[The pushing and shoving continues, with TED and DOUGAL trying to push the party back. This is momentarily interrupted by loud sneeze from an upstairs window, MARY MUCUS.]

Mary: Aa-choo! [Looks down on the pushin' an' a-shovin' down below] Hey! Leave them alone! [To the party] Ignore those idiots!

04.04.047

Charlie: [Daintily shields her head with a notepad] Thank you, we shall! Would you mind terribly turning your head away when you sneeze? We really can't afford to become ill, given the important work we do.

04.04.048

Austin : [To Mary] Thanks you for your kind words madam, may we come up and speak with you, we have a few questions that you may be able to answer.


;;; thats all from me today, soz. Back Monday!

04.04.049

Mary: Sure you can, honey, just ignore them.

[TED and DOUGAL and various other HARMA members start booing and hissing.]

Ted: Never! Stop them, brothers! They will never cross this threshold.

[Enter DEUCE, clearly from a side exit. He stops when he sees the party and gives a smile.]

Deuce: Hey guys!


;;; The party last saw Deuce in 6.11, when he framed Alice for murder

04.04.050

Charlie: [To Deuce] Ah, Deuce! How wonderful to see you! Could we have a moment with you, in private?

04.04.051

Dur: Or at least help us past these Har-MA-niacs! Ha! Did you see what I did there?!

04.04.052

Deuce: [To Charlie] Sure thing, Puddin' Pop! [Does a finger gun to Alice] Hey there, Pixie Stix, how're you doin'?

Alice: Fine, even though you framed me for murder!

Deuce: [Claps his hands] Great! [To Dur] Yes I did, Doc, and it was a zinger. They've done such awful things, they deserve some bad K-HARMA! [To Charlie] Wanna step into my office?

04.04.053

Dur: I don't think that is the kind of privacy she meant...

04.04.054

Deuce: That's okay, it has a special mirror where people outside can see in!

04.04.056

Dur: Well, in that case, what are we aiting for?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.231.208.71 with SMTP id gb7cs49217ibb; Fri, 3 Sep 2010 11:26:37 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.100.153.5 with SMTP id a5mr1411043ane.112.1283538397396; Fri, 03 Sep 2010 11:26:37 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <th4@rice.edu> Received: from mh4.mail.rice.edu (mh4.mail.rice.edu [128.42.199.11] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id c17si4852915anc.103.2010.09.03.11.26.36; Fri, 03 Sep 2010 11:26:37 -0700 (PDT) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of th4@rice.edu designates 128.42.199.11 as permitted sender) client-ip=128.42.199.11; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of th4@rice.edu designates 128.42.199.11 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=th4@rice.edu Received: from mh4.mail.rice.edu (localhost.localdomain [127.0.0.1] ) by mh4.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTP id C008C28F74D; Fri, 3 Sep 2010 13:26:36 -0500 (CDT) X-Virus-Scanned: by amavis-2.6.4 at mh4.mail.rice.edu, auth channel Received: from mh4.mail.rice.edu ( [127.0.0.1] ) by mh4.mail.rice.edu (mh4.mail.rice.edu [127.0.0.1] ) (amavis, port 10026) with ESMTP id m6NMWy0lWKxj; Fri, 3 Sep 2010 13:26:36 -0500 (CDT) Received: from pulaski.rice.edu (pulaski.rice.edu [10.69.3.17] ) (using TLSv1 with cipher RC4-MD5 (128/128 bits)) (No client certificate requested) (Authenticated sender: th4) by mh4.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTPSA id 8C16728F71A; Fri, 3 Sep 2010 13:26:36 -0500 (CDT) Message-ID: <4C813DDC.2000609@rice.edu> Date: Fri, 03 Sep 2010 13:26:36 -0500 User-Agent: Thunderbird 2.0.0.21 (X11/20090310) MIME-Version: 1.0 To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> CC: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> References: <AANLkTinNVytj2jhJzXf5bDf=LVdd-7tvmTq0R4VUk9vr@mail.gmail.com> <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176904DEBD2A6C@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> In-Reply-To: <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176904DEBD2A6C@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; format=flowed Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

Clint: Probably for a massed attack by a bunch of religious zealots?


;;; Kevin, what are *you* doing up so early on a holiday?

04.04.057

Dur: Oh right. [Looks around expectantly] Wait a second! That sounds more like a reason to get the hell out of here!


;;; I only get a 3 day weekend for Labor Day. Speaking of which, I won't behere on Monday :p

04.04.058

Ted: No! Turn back! Once you've crossed the threshold, there's no going back!


;;; Don't you people ever work??

04.04.059

Charlie: [To Ted, eagerly] Why is that? Is there a powerful spell at work?

04.04.060

Alice: And how come Deuce could come out?

Ted: Er, well, it's not really a spell as such, rather more of a turn down a dark and evil road, filled with sin and disease.

04.04.061

Charlie: [Wearily] Yes, I briefly dated Deuce at one stage, so I am well aware of the perils of that road!

04.04.062

Deuce: Yes, life on the road with Deuce, well, what can I say? It's long and hard! [Gives a cheesy grin] Come on guys. [Steps over the threshold, and then steps back] See? You can step out any time!

04.04.062

Austin : Did you contract something unpleasant? Or was it multiple 'somethings'.

04.04.063

Charlie: I'll be the judge of that! [To the party] Stand back, group! [Gingerly steps over the threshold, then tests whether or not she can step back over it]

04.04.064

[CHARLIE easily steps back onto the road again.]

Ted: [Getting frustrated] Look, that's not what I meant! The things they do in there, they're just disgusting!

04.04.065

Charlie: [To Ted, scoffing] It's nothing compared to what Pestil--er, come along, group! Let us go down this road and be rid of this hand-wringer!

04.04.066

Austin : [To Charlie] We are really not at all interested in the disgusting things that you have done with Pestilence, please keep them to yourself. The HARMA have also done many disgusting things, perhaps you could compare note with them, if you much discuss such things.

04.04.067

Charlie: I'm sure I don't know what you mean, as I merely meant to expound upon the dangers of the horrid pestilence [huge exaggerated emphasis on the last letter] -S that ravage our good health and well-being, but there is simply no time for that and we must be going! Do come along, group! [Strides down the road briskly]

04.04.068

[Everyone enters through the back entrance, escorted by DEUCE.]

Alice: I don't know, Aus, some of it sounded preeetty crazy! Especially that-

[ALICE is startled into silence by a deafening sneeze, that scares the bejasus out of the party. The sneezer is SYLVIA SNOT.]

Sylvia: [Very blocked up] Hi Deuce, you're back quick.

Deuce: I couldn't resist you, sweet-cakes.

[The room the party have entered is a foyer, and looks rather like one would expect a brothel to. There are a few women lounging around, all of who appear to have bad colds.]

04.04.069

Austin : [Holding a handkerchief over his mouth. To Charlie] What a delightful house of pestilence and contagion you have brought us to. Do you often come here?

04.04.070

Deuce: [Enthusiastically] Isn't it great? I come here all the time! The name's Deuce, by the way, Prof. Charles 'Deuce' Hilliard-Montgomery-Carthington II. I'm sure the others told you about me. I was engaged to [slaps Charlie's ass] Puddin' Pop here for a while, and then had my heart broken by [slaps Alice's ass] Pixie Stix. Oh, and I framed her and all your friends for murder and killed a government minister. [Laughs] Allegedly!

04.04.071

Charlie: [Glares at Deuce] Do keep your hands to yourself! [To Sylvia] Have you a cold?

04.04.072

Sylvia: [Sounding strangely proud] Yes I do!

04.04.073

Austin : [To Sylvia] You appear to be unusually happy about having a cold, why is that?

04.04.074

Sylvia: Germs mean money!

Deuce: Hey Sylvia, is there a room my friends and I can meet in privately?

Sylvia: Sure, room #13.

Deuce: No, I mean, really privately, not with a bunch of peepholes.

Sylvia: Uh, you could try room #12, there are hardly any peepholes there.

04.04.075

Austin : I assume that you all have interests in the local apothecary. [Frowns] Not a particularly ethical way to increase business, not that ethics have ever been a concern for apothecaries.

04.04.076

Sylvia: I have no interest in apothecaries, they're bad for business. [To Deuce] Want me to hose down a few kittens?

Deuce: Er, that's okay, honey, this is just a business meeting. [Holds open door #12, and speaks to the party] After you!

04.04.077

Charlie: [To Sylvia] You brute! How could you be so cruel?! [To Deuce] Why would she even suggest hosing down precious little kittens??

04.04.078

Sylvia: Yeesh! Prude! [Storms off]

Deuce: [Shrugs] Who knows? I've already told them that colds aren't spread by getting wet, but they still do it.

04.04.079

Charlie: And why are they so keen to get colds?!

04.04.080

Austin : [To Charlie] You really must listen more carefully! It has already been explained that they are contracting colds for financial gain.

04.04.081

Charlie: [To Austin] Yes, but WHY do they believe such nonsense?! What possible incentive could one have for providing renumeration for contracting the common cold?

04.04.082

Deuce: [Taking out a huge cigar] You, Puddin'-Pop, have clearly never experienced the thrill of a beautiful woman sneezing on you. [Goes a little distant and smiles]

04.04.083

Austin : [Grimaces] Eeew! [Rolls his eyes] I thought that it could be something like that. People around here obviously do not get out enough!

04.04.084


;;; Colin's out all week

Harvey: By the saints, sir! That's the most depraved thing I've ever heard in my life!

Deuce: Then I guess I'd better not tell you about the kittens!

04.04.085

Charlie: [Quavering] What HAVE you been doing to those precious little dears?!

04.04.086

Deuce: Nothing! They're the ones who sneezed on me!

Alice: You have kittens sneeze on you?

Deuce: There's nothing in the world like it!

04.04.087

Charlie: How vile! Really, you are the MOST disgusting creature I've ever met! [Composes herself and says brightly] Now, we really could use your help on something, Deuce darling!

04.04.088

Austin : [Frowns] Well, that is not really vile or disgusting, but it is certainly weird, and probably very geeky too.

04.04.089

Deuce: Actually, there is a real science to it, my friend. If they're too snotty it's just uncomfortable. [To Charlie] Anything for you, Puddin' Pop, as long as [gives Alice a wink] Pixie Stix here forgives me.

Alice: No way! You can shove it up your ass! I hate you!

Deuce: [Does a finger gun on Alice] Come on, baby, you know it was just so I could get the card, I really love you.

Alice: [Touched] Aw! Of course I forgive you!


;;; Deuce is referring to the Whatever Card.

04.04.090

Dur: You imply that it is ok for you to use people just to get what you want?! [Looks thoughtful] Why didn't I think of that!

04.04.091

Alice: Because you're an idiot.

04.04.092

Austin : Whatever card? That sounds interesting, whatever does it do?

04.04.093

Deuce: It's great! It makes the holder win whatever argument they're involved in. Some punk comes up? Just show him the card, and off he goes, skulking away.

Harvey: The Professor here killed someone for it, and now works for HARMA.

Deuce: In my defence, it was only Wernstrom, and he was an ass, and as for HARMA? Sure, they pay me, but my work ethic is awful. Besides, they're pissed that I frequent this establishment.

04.04.094

Clint: Ah, so you work for HARMA the same way I work for the party!

04.04.095


;;; Yeesh, Tom! Work starts nice and late these days!

Deuce: [Gives Clint a wink] Click-click! Except with a bit more style and a lot more sneezy kittens!

04.04.096

Charlie: [Rolling her eyes] How delightful, the two of you are bonding! Mr. Scar, do stop encouraging him and let us get down to business.

04.04.096

Clint: Uhh... right. Look, we won't keep you from whatever perverted things you're doing with small defenseless animals, but first, Puddin' Pop here has some questions she needs to ask you. [Pats Charlie on the back.]


;;; Oh, indeed. Also, recovery from the 3-day weekend, plus hello tropical

;;; storm, sort of turns it into a 3 1/2 day weekend, which then turns today

;;; into a dear god it's 5:00 and I need to go to sleep. Meh.

04.04.097

Deuce: Excellent! [Starts to unbuckle his belt, but stops, looking a little sheepish] Heh! Sorry about that, force of habit! What can I do for you?

04.04.098

Charlie: [Eagerly] I'd like your take on a translation I've been working on. Quite fascinating! It's a language I've never seen before, though bears some resemblance to known languages.

04.04.099

Dur: [Scratches his head in confusion and whispers to Alice] So wait... He translates with his balls?=

04.04.100

Alice: Uh, I doubt it, but I'm pretty sure you do!

Deuce: Sure thing, Puddin' Pop! Lay it on me!

04.04.101

Charlie: [Hands Deuce the message and a notebook] Here is the text I'm trying to translate, and here is the first volume of three containing my notes and thoughts on the possible meanings.

04.04.102

Deuce: [Takes a look] Huh. Looks a bit like Fauxnician or Errormake to me, hm, [looks closely] wow! There are hints of Ancient Geek, Glasgowlithic and even Craptic! Where did you get this from?

04.04.103

Charlie: Incredible, isn't it? [Excited] Can you make out any of the words?!

04.04.104

Deuce: Well, [points the fourth word of the first line] this looks like "beast", as for the others? Well, I think I'll be able to come up with something, but I'll need to consult some books. Can I keep this? [Looks at it] Hey! Who's blood is this?

04.04.105

Charlie: [Cheerily] Well, the good news is it doesn't belong to any of us! [Holds the paper protectively] I would rather keep the document, as I'm sure you can understand. [Awkwardly batting her eyes and stroking Deuce's arm] Surely a man as talented as you can make an educated guess at the translation, hmm?

04.04.106

Deuce: Oh no, Puddin' Pop, a man as talented and educated as me never makes a guess!

04.04.107

Austin : [To Charlie] Perhaps a woman as, erm, er, talented, as you, Pudding, could make Deuce a copy of the document, but with out the blood, naturally.

04.04.108

Deuce: Let's not be so hasty -- after all, we still haven't established who's blood it is!

04.04.109

Clint: [Shrugs.] If you want to call in one of your goons so we can write a copy in blood, I've got no problem with that!

04.04.110

Deuce: They're not my goons, Clint, I only work for them!

Harvey: [To Deuce] By the saints, sir! How can you work for such an organisation as HARMA?

Deuce: Bringing them down from within!

04.04.111

Charlie: [To Deuce] And how are you working to achieve that?

04.04.112

Deuce: For a start, I took their entire party committee budget, which they expected to be able to supply everything for their bland, balloon and peanut parties for the next few years, and blew it in a matter of weeks. [Looks around, as though expecting applause]

04.04.114

Deuce: Not only that, but if you ever need advice on how to bring them down, I can probably help. What I wouldn't give to punch that smug git Joe Nunpar in the face.

04.04.115

Charlie: [Delighted] Really?! Perhaps we could team up, after all. You see, we wish to thwart that horrid Joe, though I don't really see how face-punching achieves anything. Perhaps a stern rap on the knuckles with a ruler?

04.04.115

Austin : [Mildly surprised] Why have you not done that already?

04.04.116

Austin : [Rolls his eyes] Why do you always bring the conversation down with your geeky spanking fetishes? Don't tell me Joe was another ex-boyfriend of yours?

04.04.117

Charlie: Don't be absurd! Who could possibly derive sexual pleasure from a knuckle-rapping?! I only meant to suggest that incapacitation need not be disfiguring in our quest to oust Mr. Nunpar.

04.04.118

Deuce: [To Austin] I haven't punched him in the chops because I don't want to be slung in jail! If you want to do it, be my guest!

04.04.119

Austin : Perhaps all you need a good lawyer. I am sure we could claim adequate grounds for provocation and self-defence.

04.04.120

Deuce: [Gives Austin a look that's a mixture of disgust and pity] Sure, if only lawyering hadn't been made illegal by Nunpar and his cronies.

04.04.121

Dur: I guess you're in the same boat as the rest of us now Austin!

04.04.122

Charlie: [To Deuce] Perhaps you could work with us for a time? We seem to share some of the same goals, after all. We could work together to discredit Nunpar and bring him to justice.

04.04.123

Deuce: Sure thing, Puddin' Pop! It'll just be like the old days!

Alice: The old days in which you framed me for murder?

Deuce: Well, there was plenty of sex too.

Harvey: By the saints! There'll be no sex!

04.04.124

Dur: I don't think he meant you Colonel.=20

04.04.125

Austin : [Deadpan] Thankfully.

04.04.126

Harvey: Oh, [thinks for a moment] well, that's okay then.

Deuce: I don't know, guys, [looks Harvey up and down] rrrooaaarrr! So anyway, we need a plan. Nunpar and those HARMA idiots have made Queens View their base, and their number just keeps increasing. The latest thing they're panicking about is that they think someone in the Realms has an Orb of Generomentis. Yeesh, if they do, I almost pity the poor bastard. At this stage it would take an army to get at Nunpar, and who has that? An army of mindless drones, willing to sacrifice themselves to destroy one man?

04.04.127

Charlie: [Cheerily] Why, we have just such an army! How splendid. What sort of access have you to the HARMA inner circle?

04.04.128

Deuce: Excellent! As long as they're not The Swarm or something crazy like that! [Laughs, but stops and looks at Dur] Hey! Did he get a new haircut?

04.04.129

Austin : What is so bad about an orb of geromitus? What does it do? And what is wrong with the Swarm, appart from their dress sense and painfully limited intelligence?

04.04.130

Deuce: It's a pretty powerful magic item, my friend, especially when it's the only one in existence. You know what some of Jerome's cronies did the last time they got their hands on one?

Alice: [Wearily] Killed a child. I mean -- killed a child?

Deuce: Uh, yeah, they did, even blamed on the good Colonel here. There's not a whole lot wrong with The Swarm that a good lobotomy wouldn't sort out, the problem are their leaders.

04.04.131

Austin : So how would one use an orb of Germoitus? Killing a child hardly requires powerful magic, [Hastely] as far as I know.

04.04.132

Deuce: Actually, it's the other way around, killing the -- [gives Austin a big grin] hey, now, you guys wouldn't happen to know the whereabouts of such an orb, would you?

04.04.133

Austin : [Sighs] Yes, well we were recently in hell and a rather unpleasant Demon there had one. [Looks sad] If only I had one I could bring back my Lucy [Looks teary, blows his nose] That's what they do isn't it, they bring back the dead?

04.04.134

Deuce: Not exactly -- be careful of them, my friend. They give physical form to whatever you most think about. If that's your Lucy, then great. If not, if there's something else you deep down regret, or know you wronged, well, you could be in for a surprise.

04.04.135

Charlie: [To Deuce] How very annoying! Why would anyone bother using such an unpredictable thing?

04.04.135

Clint: Okay, but let's get back to this using our army of mindless drones part of the plan. I *like* that part of the plan!

04.04.136

Deuce: Seriously? You're going to use The Swarm? Sure, they're idiots, but they're innocent! [To Charlie] I don't know, Puddin' Pop, but all the best magic is slightly unreliable, [gives an evil grin] eh? Eh?

04.04.137

Charlie: [Huffily] Oh, and look who suddenly has a moral compass?! This is our best chance to stop HARMA, and I don't hear you suggesting anything better?

04.04.138

Deuce: Woah, woah, waoh. Sorry if I struck a nerve, there, I just don't like to see innocent idiots being hurt.

Alice: You were prepared to hurt me, and I was an innocent idiot!

Deuce: Come on, Pixie Stix! You weren't THAT innocent.

Alice: Fair enough. Hey!

04.04.138

Clint: Besides, there's no such thing as innocent. Just ask any lawyer!

04.04.139

Deuce: I can't. They were all found guilty and thrown in prison!

04.04.140

Austin : Surely those that found them guilty are also lawyers, by definition, and they should therefore put themselves in prison too?

04.04.141

Deuce: No, they were found guilty by senior HARMA members. In general, the less you know about the law, the more likely you are to be a senior HARMA member.

04.04.142

Charlie: How extraordinary! Now, do let us form a plan and no more shilly shallying! [To Deuce] Will you help us, even if we must use The Swarm?

04.04.143

Deuce: That depends on how you want to use them!

04.04.144

Dur: Oh you know... Standard operating procedure. We were thinking about sacrificing them in an all out frontal assault and using their slaughter as a= distraction... At least that's what I was thinking...

04.04.145

Alice: Aren't you one of The Swarm, Dur?

04.04.146

Dur: [Scratches his now bald head] Details, Details!

04.04.147

Charlie: [To Dur] Well, we wouldn't have YOU in the fight, of course! You are like our simple-minded pup that didn't get enough oxygen during birth and must be given special care and attention!

04.04.148

Deuce: So, you're prepared to sacrifice a bunch of innocents just to get rid of Nunpar? You always had a ice cold centre, Puddin' Pop, one of the things I liked most about you, in fact, my sugar coated iceberg. How about a compromise? If we can come up with a plan to get rid of the leadership of the swarm while killing off Joe and the upper HARMA guys, I'll help all I can.

04.04.149

Charlie: That all sounds most humane. How might you be able to help us get close to the HARMA inner circle?

04.04.150

Austin : [To Charlie] Why don't you date them all and work your way up to the top, as you usually do? [Ponders] I guess we don't have time for that.

04.04.151

Charlie: Really, Mr. Sleaze! You do seem most preoccupied by the particulars of my private life. It is rather unseemly, I must say. [Helpfully] Perhaps a hobby would better occupy your time? You might find philately most absorbing, for instance. There's lots of sorting and arranging involved to keep your mind focused.

04.04.152

Austin : [To Charlie] Well that is a little ripe after refering to the poor unkempt and pungent Mr Dur, as oxygen starved. And, besides, philately is despeately boring. [Yawns]

04.04.153

Deuce: [To Austin] With a charming attitude like yours, maybe you should consider dating them! [To Charlie] You just leave that to me. Maybe we can tell that idiot Joe that you've captured them?

04.04.154

Charlie: Perhaps! And then we lure him into a dark alley somewhere and [makes a throat-slicing motions] ! [Brightly] Metaphorically, of course!

04.04.155

Austin : [Frowns at Charlie. To Deuce, deadpan] Yes, we are all quite charming.

04.04.156

Deuce: Heh heh! She's a right little heart breaker. Right, why don't you guys head back to the Colonel's house, and, as soon as I have a meeting arranged, I'll contact you.

04.04.157

Austin : [Suspicious] That would be a rather obvious trap, if indeed it were a trap at all. You have already framed Alice for murder, what guarantee do we have that you will not betray us?

04.04.158

Deuce: Common sense, m'boy! HARMA are getting more and more restrictive, so it only makes sense that a fun lovin', ham eatin', sneeze gettin' kind of a guy like me would want them stopped.

04.04.159

Charlie: [To Deuce] How about as a show of good faith you give me the Whatever card? Then everyone can show how much everyone can trust one another, hm?

04.04.160

Dur: That sounds like a good plan! I mean we are all the trustworthy sort, right? [Whispering to Alice] Remind me to never follow HER into any dark al= leys!

04.04.160

Austin : [To Charlie, smiling] There is hope for you yet.

04.04.161

Deuce: [Gives a wry smile] Haw! Very nice, Puddin' Pop! You got yourself a deal. I'll drop off the card when I come to meet you in Harvey's house.

Alice: Dur! Dur! Dur! Dur! Dur!

[Everyone turns and looks at ALICE, who whispers loudly to DUR.]

Alice: Don't ever let her follow you into a dark alley!

04.04.162

Dur: [Frowns] Thanks. Also remind me not to whisper to you anymore.

04.04.163

Charlie: [To Deuce] We shall meet you at Harvey's home, then!

04.04.164

Deuce: [Gives her a wink] I'll have a card, a translation and a plan! [Gives everyone a wave] See you, guys!

[Exit DEUCE.]

Alice: [To the others] Well, do you think we can trust him?

04.04.164

Clint: Dur, remember not to... nah. Let's get this show on the road! 'sides, I'm sure Harv wants to visit the ol' ball and chain. She's bound to still be there wondering where the hell he went!

04.04.164

Austin : [Sighs. To Charlie] There is no hope for you. The reason that you wanted the card in the first place was to ensure that Deuce did not double cross us into setting up a HARMA ambush for us at the colonel's house.

04.04.165

Harvey: By the saints, Private! I'm not entirely sure where she is! When all this business started a few months ago, she took the children and left!

Alice: Left what?

Harvey: A note, saying that she took the children and left.

Alice: Left what?

Harvey: A note.

04.04.166

Dur: This could go on all day! Perhaps we should get moving?

04.04.167

Clint: [Nods.] I agree with Dur. I'm sure that Deuce is smart enough to realize that if he double crosses us into a HARMA ambush at Harv's house, we'll get out of it some way and then make it our life's mission to let Dur practice medicine on him.

04.04.168

Alice: Agreed! I bet that deep down, Deuce is a really fundamentally nice guy!

[The party hear the sounds of some commotion outside, and loko out the window to see DEUCE is being harassed by TED and DOUGAL.]

Deuce: [Pulls out the Whatever Card and waves it at Ted and Dougal] Whatever!

[The two step back quietly and let him walk by.]

Alice: Hey!

04.04.169

Clint: Maybe we better get out of here now before those two recover their... uh... senses.

04.04.170

Dur: Perhaps we have reason to doubt Deuce's credibility?

04.04.171

Alice: [Nods at Clint's words] Agreed! Let's get out of here before they block the way again!

04.04.172

Charlie: Perhaps we'd better follow Deuce, rather than go to the Colonel's home, then!

04.04.173

[The party leave the room.]

Alice: Dur! Dur! Dur! Dur! Don't forget, [loudly] I'm not supposed to whisper to you anymore!


;;; End of scene

04.05.001

[Book VII, Act IV, Scene V. Outside "The Watering Whole". ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and HARVEY are here, having just left through the back exit. They are immediately set upon by TED and DOUGAL, and several other HARMA members, who begin jostling them. Also here is none other than JOE NUNPAR, who now has an eyepatch.]

Joe: More? More reprobates from that House of Disease? Who is it now?


;;; When last they met, Joe had the party imprisoned in The Core, where they

;;; almost certainly would have died if it weren't for Pestilence.

They last saw

;;; Joe cowering and hiding in the jail (in which The Core was).

04.05.002

Dur: No one of any consequence, I assure you of that! Just humble travelers, and trustworthy at that! I mean, if you can't trust a random assortment o= f travelers such as us, who can you trust?

04.05.003

Austin : [To Dur, dryly] That would be so much more convincing if it were not so smothered in self-doubt and desperate hopefulness.

04.05.004

Joe: [Lets out a gasp of horror] Look! It's them! [Falls to his knees and shakes his fist in the air] Queens-vieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew! [Adds quickly] Party.

04.05.005

Austin : [To Harvey] Colonel, I the growing feeling that William may have had the better plan.

04.05.006

Harvey: Indeed, Private Sleaze. Nunpar certainly doesn't seem to be the strategic genius we feared.

Joe: [Leaps to his feet] You scoundrels! How dare you show your faces here!

04.05.007

Charlie: Oh, we do dare! Surrender at once, and no immediate or permanent harm will likely come to you, depending upon your behavior!

04.05.008

Austin : [Deadpan] Good Charlie, good, threaten them in their own base. Let them know who is in charge. Do you remember that the last time we met Joe he tried to murder us?

04.05.009

Charlie: [To Austin, exasperated] Well, do jump in if you should like to take over the leadership role of this group, Mr. Sleaze! [Steps back and concedes the floor to Austin]

04.05.010

Austin : [Laughs] Why should I want to take over the leadership role of this group when the colonel is doing a perfectly good job of it.

04.05.011

Harvey: [Looks around, startled] By the saints! We appear to be in Queens View!

Joe: [Points at the party] Arrest them immediately!

04.05.012

Charlie: [To Austin] Just as I suspected! [Steps forward again. To Joe] Not so fast! We are in control of The Swarm, so you'd be wise to cooperate with us at once.

04.05.013

Joe: In charge of The Swarm? Liars! As if the charge of murder wasn't enough, you now make it worse by lying?

Alice: What? Lying is worse than murder?

04.05.014

Dur: [Steps timidly to the front] It's not lieing if they are crazy, Joe. [Points at Charlie and swirls his finger by his head illustrating] We are in= deed here in control of the main force of the Swarm's army. As you can see [points to his bald head] I have infiltrated the organization. I am ready t= o talk over terms for their immediate arrest by HARMA, but I will only negotiate with you directly and privately.

04.05.015

Joe: Huh. I thought you were supposed to be an idiot?

04.05.016

Dur: Just as they were. [Flicks his head back at the party] I have found itdismally easy to do so. Honestly who in their right MINDS would believe I = could pass as a medical doctor?! [Laughs loudly]

04.05.017

Alice: [Laughing along, but then stops] A doctor? I thought he was supposed to be a chimney sweep!

Harvey: [To Joe] You there! Who are we supposed to have murdered?

Joe: That young girl, Rachel!

[Just then, a police carriage drives by with MELODY in the back. She calls out to the party.]

Melody: Losers! Behold, Melody the Murderer of Rachel!

04.05.018

Dur: Excellent! Now that that unpleasant matter is settled, I believe we can begin negotiations? Your place or ours' Mr. Nunpar? [Beams confidently an= d tries to secretly cast Enthrall: http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Enthrall]

04.05.019

Joe: Er, I suppose mine? Uh, who are you?

04.05.020

Austin : [To Joe] I would retract that question, before you are sorely disappointed.

04.05.021

Dur: [Softly to Austin through the gritted teeth of his wide smile] Don't mess with the mojo lawyer! [To Joe] Does that really matter [Gives him two t= humbs up] ?

04.05.021

Alice: Aw, come on, Aus! That's not fair! Wait until Dur tells him about his... uh, about the time he... Hm. Good idea, Aus!

04.05.022

Charlie: [To Joe] What about this woman's startling confession that utterly clears us of anything wrong-doing? [Points to Melody]

04.05.023

Clint: [Dials for 'in charge' voice and turns to Ted and Dougal.] You two, after her! She's a murderer! Down with that sort of thing!

04.05.024

Austin : [Watching Melody] Ahh, she is the one on all of those wanted posters. Melody was her name, I believe.

04.05.025

Joe: [Glares at Austin] Yes, I remember.

Dougal: [To Joe] Dad! Don't you see what's happ-

Joe: [Holds a hand up] Silence! I must negotiate with the leaders of The Swarm in private.

04.05.026

Austin : Excellent, we can escort you to the reverend William, and have a glass of wine or two whilst you two catch up on old times.

04.05.027

Joe: William? Who's William? You people are the leaders!

04.05.028

Charlie: Indeed, and we must take this meeting to a more secure location at once!

04.05.029

Dur: Indeed! You never know who is listening!

04.05.030

Alice: Hm? What?

Joe: Of course! Let's go to my house -- it's very secure, and there are plenty of guards there, ready to leap into action.

04.05.031

Dur: Excellent! In that case, you should send them to get us all a spot of tea?=

04.05.032

Austin : Hmm, yes, tea and cakes would be jolly pleasant. I believe that Colonel Nunpar is an excellent chef.

04.05.033

Joe: Great! That's settled then! We'll be nice and safe with those guards who are all familiar with Protocol Delta Gamma Joe 4.

[JOE starts heading towards what used to be the mayor's house.]

Alice: Yay! This is gonna be nice and easy!

04.05.034

Charlie: [To Joe] And what is Protocol Delta Gamma Joe 4?

04.05.035

Joe: Oh, just about making tea and cakes. Come on, gang!

04.05.036

Charlie: How very interesting. But I'm afraid we shall have to find another, considerably more neutral, place to conduct business. Perhaps somewhere in the woods, where one can feel the wind on one's face and hear the birds singing, and so forth.

04.05.037

Joe: No, no, I wouldn't hear of it, after all, how could I serve you tea?

04.05.038

Charlie: [With a stern look at Harvey and Dur] We shall do without.

04.05.039

Joe: [Firmly] No, I insist.

04.05.040

Austin : [To Joe, graciously] Well, we must decline. I am afraid that Protocol Delta Gamma Joe 4 sounds rather like a preplanned trap. You must forgive our suspiciousness, but if we were otherwise, then we would not be of interest to you in the first instance or any other, notwithstanding purely social events, of course. [Checks his nails briefly. To the party] Perhaps we should instigate our G.T.B. and G.T.F.O.O.H. plans?

04.05.041

Joe: [Narrows his eyes] Why would I set a trap for you? It's not like any one of you illegally cast a spell, is it?

04.05.042

Clint: [Indicating the party.] Oh, c'mon! [Laughs heartily.] Do any of us look smart enough to do that?

04.05.043

Dur: [Chuckles Nervously] Of course not! [Glares at the party] We are far from picky, I think your place will be perfect, so long as all of us are the= only ones in the room during negotiations. You must allow us at least thatmuch security, yes?

04.05.043

Joe: Sure. Just not smart enough to do it successfully.

04.05.043

Austin : [Chuckles] Come now, we are all adults here, and we do not play games pretending to be wizards or witches. That is for children and fairy tales. [Rolls his eyes]

04.05.044

Clint: See, nothing to worry about there! So take us to a room full of tea and scones and crap like that, but empty of guards so we can speak freely, and we'll be out of each other's hair in no time! [Glances at Dur.] You know what I mean.

04.05.045

Joe: [Calls to Dougal] Execute Protocol Alpha Beta Joe 3!

[DOUGAL drops his pants.]

Joe: No! That's Protocol Beta Alpha Joe 3! [Calls out] Arrest them! Arrest them all!

04.05.046

Dur: Me thinks the jig is up! Execute protocol "Get The Hell Out"! [Takes amoment to pull a dagger and tries to throw it at Joe]

04.05.047

Clint: Right! Lead the way, doc! I'll be along in a minute! [Cracks his knuckles and tries to grab Ted so he can throw him into Dougal.]

04.05.048

Alice: Which protocol is "Get the hell out"?

[DUR throws the dagger at JOE, who ducks just in time, but CLINT successfully pushes TED back into DOUGAL.]

Harvey: Follow me, troop! I know this place like the back of my hand! [Dashes down side street]

04.05.049

Dur: [Aside to Clint as he sets off after Harvey] I don't know if we shouldbe thankful that he knows a way out or concerned with his apparent familia= rity with the back of his hand. [Louder so Harvey can hear] Honestly Colonel, You could go blind if you keep that up! And that is my medical opinion!

04.05.050

Harvey: Don't be ridiculous, Private! This leads to [checks the back of his hand] some sort wart!

[Of course, the party almost immediately come to a dead end. There are two doors, one on either side, and some windows overlooking the alley.]

04.05.051

Charlie: [Quickly tries the door on the left] Perhaps in here?

04.05.052

Austin : [Quickly tries the door on the right] Or in here?

04.05.053

[Oh no! Both are locked.]

Harvey: Gah! [Checks his hand again before looking up] Can anyone see a button?

[The window above the right door opens, and DEUCE looks out.]

Deuce: Hey! I'm trying to do a translation in here! [Spots the party] Oh, hi guys. What's up?

04.05.054

Charlie: Let us in! We'll explain once we're inside.

04.05.055

Deuce: For you, Puddin' Pop, of course! [Drops a set of keys out the window]

04.05.056

Austin : [Deftly catches the keys and tries to open the door] What a charming fellow.

04.05.057

Alice: Huh. He'd do it for me too, wouldn't you, Deucie?

Deuce: Sure, uh, Alyssa, anything for you.

[AUSTIN quickly unlocks the door.]


;;; Gone for the weekend! Have a good one, everybody!

04.05.058

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

Last from me 57

Alice: Come on! Let's get in! --Apple-Mail-1--418569084 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

04.05.059

Charlie: [Dashes inside] Come along, group!

04.05.060

[Everyone dashes in, and slam the door behind them. They find themselves in a plush sitting room that is a real mess, covered in papers and ham.]

Alice: Looks like Deuce's house alright!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.231.62.15 with SMTP id v15cs141144ibh; Mon, 20 Sep 2010 04:04:49 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.47.196 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.216.47.196; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.216.47.196 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.216.47.196] ) by 10.216.47.196 with SMTP id t46mr5641112web.13.1284980688474 (num_hops = 1); Mon, 20 Sep 2010 04:04:48 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=NrviiMTMCC6jmiHIbhq+HC7rTmZmr/qNsc1NOd1vYAo=; b=wZFZqhF5Ihqk72ofqGBIC4LApndsOzTl2ckJqqu9GZXKrUTbwbWB1qw0YhUvQF1PZw qBGXiPUhXvPHh95utguxCx8uroPqL/lg7cVK1kDmjdoEkPVkm3XPprfPuXmhq+quTARP D6WLVGKUY1OE8hGRmhWnHYsswgSjk923ZEq/QDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=UD4cX7AGR8syXdFclM+T99XIbjl846HX8G7aqRy0fGyHzg/3UnpM4AGLwyZMu01oU5 Af6PLDTIwj7egvwQ4gM75K0T/9bCucCD4WdOS8tfAM3Xqwb27yLDx8fU5drn1YSw4r1D Dz360V2+3+GOK6MZaX2dlFqJgujV4UasI7p6oMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.216.47.196 with SMTP id t46mr4202590web.13.1284980688427; Mon, 20 Sep 2010 04:04:48 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.16.143 with HTTP; Mon, 20 Sep 2010 04:04:48 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2010 12:04:48 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTi=M0uXuCQXp1toHmPQGzreHGpuNwy68bbhdhQFW@mail.gmail.com> To: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, TomHenderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : [Ducks inside] I really do not get good feelings about the way this is going.

04.05.061

Harvey : [Sniffs] Certainly does smell like it! The smell of rotting swine flesh is most prevalent, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.05.062

[Enter DEUCE coming down the stairs.]

Deuce: [Laughs at Harvey] At least it's better than the smell upstairs! What trouble have you guys got into now?

04.05.063

Charlie: [To Deuce] All sorts of unexpected things have been happening, so we really must have the Whatever card a bit ahead of schedule. [Holds her hand out]

04.05.064

Deuce: Sorry, Puddin' Pop, don't have it!

[There's suddenly a tremendous hammering on the door, and DOUGAL's voice can be heard from outside.]

Dougal: Hey! Let us in!

04.05.065

Charlie: So you say, but we SAW you use it. How could you lie to me, Deuce?

04.05.066

Deuce: Oh, come on, it's not like it's the first time!

Dougal: Let us in! Let us in or we'll break the door down!

04.05.067

Austin : [To Deuce, concerned] How strong is that door?

04.05.068

Harvey : [Starts piling hams up against the door]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.05.069

Deuce: Hang on, Harvey, I'll look after this. [Aside to Austin] Not strong enough!

[DEUCE opens the door.]

Dougal: You're harbouring known criminals! Let us in or feel the full force of the law!

Deuce: [Waves a card at Dougal] Whatever. [Slams the door, before turning back to the party] Hey look, there's still some meat left on one of those hams!

04.05.070

Austin : [Green with envy at the card] My, my, that is a rather useful item. Do you know if or where the rest of that deck of cards might be?

04.05.071

Deuce: Sorry, Austin, but this baby is one of a kind!

04.05.072

Dur: It certainly would make things a lot easier for us...

04.05.073

Deuce: I'm sure it would. [Pockets the card] Here, have a ham to make up for it.

04.05.075

Dur: [Looks from Deuce's pocket with the Whatever card to the ham and back again before shrugging] Meh, I can make due with a ham. [Digs in with gusto= !] From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.231.62.15 with SMTP id v15cs154029ibh; Mon, 20 Sep 2010 08:26:55 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.100.169.2 with SMTP id r2mr9426860ane.268.1284996414316; Mon, 20 Sep 2010 08:26:54 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu> Received: from mh5.mail.rice.edu (mh5.mail.rice.edu [128.42.199.32] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id c23si16964402anc.70.2010.09.20.08.26.54; Mon, 20 Sep 2010 08:26:54 -0700 (PDT) Received-SPF: pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu designates 128.42.199.32 as permitted sender) client-ip=128.42.199.32; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: best guess record for domain of Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu designates 128.42.199.32 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu Received: from mh5.mail.rice.edu (localhost.localdomain [127.0.0.1] ) by mh5.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTP id DF44C28F736; Mon, 20 Sep 2010 10:26:53 -0500 (CDT) X-Virus-Scanned: by amavis-2.6.4 at mh5.mail.rice.edu, auth channel Received: from mh5.mail.rice.edu ( [127.0.0.1] ) by mh5.mail.rice.edu (mh5.mail.rice.edu [127.0.0.1] ) (amavis, port 10026) with ESMTP id 9lAfaDun9H4d; Mon, 20 Sep 2010 10:26:53 -0500 (CDT) Received: from localhost (localhost.localdomain [127.0.0.1] ) (using TLSv1 with cipher DHE-RSA-AES256-SHA (256/256 bits)) (No client certificate requested) (Authenticated sender: th4) by mh5.mail.rice.edu (Postfix) with ESMTPSA id B00A828F72E; Mon, 20 Sep 2010 10:26:53 -0500 (CDT) Received: from c-98-201-88-214.hsd1.tx.comcast.net (c-98-201-88-214.hsd1.tx.comcast.net [98.201.88.214] ) by webmail.mail.rice.edu (Horde Framework) with HTTP; Mon, 20 Sep 2010 10:26:53 -0500 Message-ID: <20100920102653.39033ibds4g869fh@webmail.mail.rice.edu> Date: Mon, 20 Sep 2010 10:26:53 -0500 To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, TomHenderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> References: <AANLkTi=ggvrP2Tg0QT0jUbum6Qh0JTLnCSwwLJdzybkP@mail.gmail.com> <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176904DED208AE@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> In-Reply-To: <B96870A1BA16904491A1E702A34C176904DED208AE@GRPMMIRVG701.grouphc.net> MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1; DelSp="Yes"; format="flowed" Content-Disposition: inline Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit User-Agent: Internet Messaging Program (IMP) H3 (4.3.7) X-Horde-Authenticated: th4

Clint: [Tucks into same ham.] Right. Once we finish lunch, how do you wanna play this? Maybe we could disguise ourselves as some of these HARMA freaks and try again?

04.05.076

Charlie: I think instead Deuce will loan me the Whatever card, and we won't need disguises!

04.05.076

Austin : [Casually checking his nails] Why, Mr Scar, you are a glutton for punishment. [To the others] We should make good our escape and return with an army of Terries, and release this town from it's tyrannical leader.


;;; awa hame

04.05.077

Clint: Yes! I *told* you we should just use the Swarm to crush HARMA and vice versa!

04.05.078

Deuce: Uh, really, Puddin' Pop? Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to get a disguise?

04.05.079

Harvey : Well certainly, this card of yours would be far more beneficial, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.05.080

Clint: Hey, I'm fine either way. Just seems a pity to have an army of deranged fanatics and not put them to work!

04.05.081

Last from Tom=20

Deuce: [Reluctantly handing over the card] They may be deranged fanatics, but they're people too. Just get the leaders here and we can do it without blo=

04.05.082

Charlie: [Takes the card] Yoink! [Brandishes the card impressively] Thank you, Deuce, for finally doing what you promised you'd do! Now, group, let us be on our way!

04.05.083

Austin : [Looks doubtfully at Charlie] Do not loose that card whatever you do!

04.05.084

Charlie: [Makes an elaborately fake move, pretending to be in the process of using the card] What- [nearly drops the card and scrambles to keep it in a most undignified manner] . [Clearing her throat] Er, right, I'll tuck that away safely, then [neatly pockets the card in an interior suit pocket and pats it] .

04.05.085

Austin : [To Charlie] Perhaps you should practice that before someone more dexterous relieves you of it. It would be [looks frightened] simply terrible if it were to fall into the wrong hands.

04.05.086

Alice: Maybe I should look after it?

[Everyone, including ALICE laughs at this.]

Alice: [Suddenly stops laughing] Hey!

Deuce: Who wants to know what your favourite translator has come up with?

04.05.087

Austin : [Looks nevously at his feet for a moment] I would. Does it contain the phrase 'from within it consumes?'.

04.05.088

Deuce: As a matter of fact, it doesn't! I wasn't able to translate all of it, but here's what I've got. [Holds up a piece of paper that he reads from] The first line is something like "the child of the tree that has no thorns will be eaten by the beast", the second is "The Lady's Progeny something guardian".


;;; There are three lines:

04.05.089

Harvey : Sounds like a bunch of mumbo jumbo, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.05.090

Deuce: There's both mumbo and jumbo in there, Harvey. I don't even know what language it is, it just seems related to some ancient ones. I'm missing some parts from the third line too, all I have is that the people referred to in the second line will somehow create a ghost of something, by destroying something that can fly.

04.05.091

Austin : Hmmm, are those somethings the same somethings or different somethings?

04.05.092

Deuce: All different. I'll tidy it up for you in a while so you can see which ones I didn't translate, but be warned, there's not a one to one relationship between the words and our language.

04.05.093

Charlie: [Delighted] Thank you, Deuce, that is most interesting! I don't suppose you have any theories as to what the various bits refer to? The Lady? The tree with no thorns? Anything ring any bells for you?

04.05.094

Dur: Any ideas on where we can learn more? They sound maybe like religious writings, maybe we can check with a local sect...

04.05.095

Deuce: Sorry, guys, that's all I have. Without more context, I wouldn't have a clue who the lady could be. [To Dur] Not locally, that's for sure. I'll dig out a few other sources while you go get the leaders of the Swarm.

04.05.096

Harvey : That sounds like a plan to me troop!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.05.097

Austin : Indeed colonel, shell we move out?

04.05.098

Alice: [Nods] Good idea. Why don't we go to Harvey's house? We can make our plan there.

04.05.099

Dur: What's this 'plan' device you speak of [scratching his head confusedly] ?

04.05.101

Last from Kevin=20

Alice: It's a way of ditching you!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.231.62.15 with SMTP id v15cs17924ibh; Tue, 21 Sep 2010 07:28:55 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates 10.150.7.14 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.150.7.14; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates 10.150.7.14 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=heather.goggans@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.150.7.14] ) by 10.150.7.14 with SMTP id 14mr16841743ybg.215.1285079335345 (num_hops = 1); Tue, 21 Sep 2010 07:28:55 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=tF/5da+i+QjYJzDE7/z/mkv9x4mTaXDsGq8d0ceDvbE=; b=m7sAzRWzGiq+vGn40Yz8q065xjEq7zHKMjKNKNnpGiD0CYRHp5x99ZK49uMnIfNwiG wTdZJFUMuQnKmBQQAMLvm7CfAf1KEc7xOS1WhDzPfxUjIS+p8fnA0sqAqoXLzCNAXXTS ZTYA3+fRBFbH8IZFtTN82jroqgBp2m6qZX2/4DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=p6Z3cwRq4tXGUccFPckC78x1OkDVzgnBIwXISU98WtatUtqxuAvwiTgeNRhKdhDBUy a1qLEITY68eLuZNqvj1PB1ERHXzMX3JPlXts1vaqx0EqmAYObqXjIgN80cSc28kRDHia pG5mHAtVWMe/7EE8Z5q2zzXz1e0UPzYNCtRQAMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.150.7.14 with SMTP id 14mr10890506ybg.215.1285079335215; Tue, 21 Sep 2010 07:28:55 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.151.42.17 with HTTP; Tue, 21 Sep 2010 07:28:55 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 21 Sep 2010 15:28:55 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTim37sWm+0VfiZ78bk=wpcGUgPVm7zZVfY908U6B@mail.gmail.com> To: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> Cc: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, TomHenderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: [To Alice, scolding] Don't tell him that! You remember the nightmares he had the last time you fed his abandonment anxiety!

04.05.102

Last from heather

Alice: Sure I do, that's why I said it!

04.05.103

Austin : Settle down now, please ladies. This is no time for a cat fight. I am sure there will be plenty of time for that later.

04.05.104

Dur: Hopefully when we can obtain a mud pit and some popcorn.

04.05.105

Deuce: I've got one upstairs!

04.05.106

Harvey : [Hopefully] You have popcorn?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.05.107

Austin : [Smoothly, firmly] Gentlemen, please, focus, we were about to launch a counteroffensive to free our beloved Queens View from the clutches of the vile HARMA.


;;;awa hame

04.05.108

Deuce: Alas, Harvey, not any more, not since Jas-- uh, Jason was over.

04.05.109

Clint: [Shudders.] Just keep Joe and the Terries away from that mudpit!

04.05.110

Deuce: Sorry, Clint, but the rule is anyone who takes their pants off can get in.

[Exit ALL except DEUCE.]

04.06.001

[Book VII, Act IV, Scene VI. Harvey's House. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and HARVEY are here. The trip from DEUCE's house passed without incident, although there are clearly a lot of HARMA officers here.]

Alice: Luckily for you lot, I still have my key! [Tries her key in the door] Hey! It doesn't work!

04.06.002

Austin : Allow me [Tries to pick the lock, covertly]

04.06.003

Charlie: [Helpfully provides blocking for Austin] Let me know if I'm in your light!

04.06.004

[AUSTIN fiddles with the lock, making all sorts of sighing sounds, but seems to be getting somewhere. Enter TED NUNPAR.]

Ted: Hey! There you are! What are you doing?

04.06.005

Austin : [Casually to Ted, checking his nails briefly] I do believe that it is none of your business, please be on your way. You are giving the neighbourhood a bad look, not to mention your unwanted odour. [To Charlie] I think this one is yours, try the card [Smiles, clicks open the lock and opens the door] .

04.06.006

Ted: On the contrary, I believe it is very much my business! I thought I told you to-


;;; Heather's AFK for a while

Charlie: [Brandishes the card] Whatever!

[TED's head drops, and he turns and walks off.]

Alice: That card is cool!

04.06.007

Austin : Whatever. [Sighs, holding the door open for Alice and Charlie] Would either of the ladies present care to come inside?

04.06.008

Alice: Why thank you, Mister Sleaze. What a pleasant change it is to see a gentleman!

[Enter ALL. The house looks lived in, but is clean. JASMINE, HARVEY's wife, was last seen months ago, leaving Queens View because it was too dangerous.]

04.06.009

Austin : [Closes the door behind the party, and bolts/deadlocks the door if there is one] Ahh, this almost feels like home.

04.06.010

[AUSTIN bolts the door.]

Alice: Huh. Looks like someone is expecting to be ill? [Points to a huge stack of tissues]

04.06.011

Charlie: [Giddily] That was positively delightful! I can only hope we shall soon be accosted again so that I may once more wield the power of Whatever!

04.06.012

Alice: Oh, God, now she's going to be completely unbearable!


;;; Kevin's out for a week

Dur: Forget that! What are we going to do about The Swarm? They want Nunpar gone, he wants them gone, Deuce wants both of them gone, and, worst of all, I was only able to smuggle out three small hams from Deuce's house! [Shows the three, sorry looking hams, just as a much larger, juicier one falls out of his pocket]

04.06.012

Austin : [Whilst checking his hair in a mirror] But you liked being accosted even before you had the card! [Smirks]

04.06.013

Austin : [Sighs] Well, it does seem that getting the SWARM to anihilate themselves and the HARMA solves three problems in one go. [Grimaces at the yucky hams] Mr Dur, those hams had been on Deuce's floor for weeks.

04.06.014

Dur: [Taking a bite of one of the hams, clearly swallowing some disgusting looking floor fluff as he does] That's DOCTOR Dur!

Alice: But do we really want to just kill off all The Swarm? I mean, I know they're idiots, but is that a reason to kill them? That guy John didn't seem so bad.

04.06.015

Austin : [To Alice] The HARMA are also idiots. It would be better if no one died, and I don't think that you need to worry about some guy called John. Look on the bright side, Mr Dur might get killed in the foray, a fourth problem solved!


;;;awa hame

04.06.016

Clint: Hey! Doc's not a problem, just an embarrassment! 'sides, who else can we use to threaten people with being part of a medical experiment?

04.06.017

Harvey : [Looks around the room] By the saints, my house seems remarkably clean for somewhere left vacant months ago, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.017

Dur: [Nods, wiping a tear from his eye] That's just what my mother used to say!

Alice: I think we need a plan -- a proper plan, with charts and maps and things. How are we going to get just the leaders to come in?

04.06.018

Clint: How about we lie? It's always worked so well for us in the past! Like, we tell them that we've found something in HARMA headquarters that we think only they should see, or something like that.

04.06.019

Alice: Lie? You mean, just make up something to get them in here under false pretences? I like it! Now, what do we tell them is here?

04.06.020

Harvey : A copious amount of free food and drink usually does the trick, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.021

Clint: No good. [Glances at Dur.] They'd never believe it!

04.06.022

Alice: Huh, well, the leaders really seem to like shiny objects and fine wine. Maybe we could use that against them?

04.06.023

Harvey : Shiny food? You mean like those pyramidical stacked shining goldenballs of chocolate you get at ambassadors receptions, dear niece?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.024

Austin :Do we really need to lure the leaders anywhere? If their armies have been destroyed they will be powerless. We can grab Joe ourselves, surely.


;;;; out alllday!

04.06.025

Charlie: Certainly, with the help of our new toy! [Pats the Whatever card] Let's go nab Joe, group!

04.06.026

Harvey : Onwards and Joewards, troop!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.027

Alice: Huh. That's a nice simple plan. So simple that not even the teeniest, tiniest thing could possibly go wrong.

[Exit the party, heading towards JOE's house.]

04.06.028

Charlie: [To Alice] Precisely, the beauty is in the simplicity! Stay alert, group!

04.06.029

[Enter GEORGE LAFORGE, stepping in front of the party.]

George: Halt! Who goes there?

04.06.030

Charlie: [Waves the Whatever card impressively] Whatever!

04.06.031

George: Oh. [Head drops]

[Exit GEORGE, head hanging, with the Charlie Brown Christmas song playing in the background.]

04.06.032

Clint: Be careful with that thing, Sarge! Be a shame if you dropped it just to get us past some minor flunky who was just *begging* to get his ass kicked!

04.06.033

Charlie: No doubt you will have ample opportunity for violence at some stage, Mr. Scar! For the time being, let us try and move as quickly as we can.

04.06.034

[The party get to the door without seeing anyone.]

Alice: This is great! They're never gonna catch us! [Pulls open the door, only to see Dougal there, clearly about to leave]

Dougal: Hey! What are you doing here?

04.06.035

Clint: Waiting for an opportunity for violence?

04.06.036

Harvey : And what are you doing here, I might add?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.037

Dougal: I live here!

04.06.038

Charlie: [Brightly] How fascinating! [Waves the Whatever card at Dougal] Whatever!

04.06.039

[DOUGAL drops his head and turns around, walking away, back into the house.]

Alice: Wow! That's really cool! Can I have a go? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?

04.06.040

Charlie: [Laughs and waves the card at Alice] Whatever!

04.06.041

Austin : [To Charlie] Hey! You should be ashamed of yourself. You are not supposed to use it on the rest of the party, that is most out of order! Poor Alice! [Gives Alice a hug]

04.06.042

[ALICE drops her head as AUSTIN hugs her.]

Dur: Do me! Do me! It's been ages since I had a hug!

04.06.043

Charlie: [To Alice, guiltily pocketing the card] So sorry, dear! I did get a bit carried away there, though in fairness you WERE being rather irritating, true?

04.06.044

Alice: [Sulkily] I suppose. [Brightens up] You know what would make me feel better?

04.06.044

Austin : [Indignantly] That is hardly the point. Your frivolous use of that rather powerful magic card cannot be good.

04.06.045

Charlie: [Hopefully, protectively putting her hand on the pocket containing the card] A jolly sing-along?

04.06.046

Alice: [Makes to say something, but thinks better of it] Would it be a bawdy, raucous song about a something like a woman who had a very big hat and the things she used to do with that?

04.06.047

Charlie: [Nods eagerly] Precisely what I had in mind! Let us sing as we continue on our way. [Cheerily singing off-key, clearly making it up as she goes along] I knew a lady, and that's a fact. Her most prominent feature was her rather large hat-- [to Alice] Do join in! Isn't this fun??

04.06.048

Alice: [Also singing off key] There was a thing she used to do with that, that involved a really fine cat. [Stops suddenly] Hey, if I recovered that quickly from the Whatever Card, maybe the others we've used it on have also recovered?

04.06.049

Austin : It may even need to rest to regain its power. [To Charlie] You may have exhausted it for today!

04.06.050

Dur: And I never even got my huge!

Alice: Your what?

Dur: Sorry, I meant I never got my hug.

04.06.051

Harvey : What on earth did that fellow mean by saying he lives here? How very dare he!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.052

Alice: Maybe he's Joe's son?

04.06.053

Charlie: [To Harvey, gently] Er, Colonel, we aren't at your house anymore, as you may have noticed?

04.06.054

Austin : [Deadpan] Well, as much as I enjoy tone deaf choruses as the the next stone dead corpse, we really should be getting on with this. [Steps inside the house] Shall we?

04.06.055

Dur: [Nods] There may be food.

[The party enter the house, which is somewhat familiar to ALICE, HARVEY, CLINT and AUSTIN. There are a number of doors here, including a large set of ornate double doors.]

Alice: [Points at a closed (single) door] I'm pretty sure that's some sort of reception room.

[ALICE opens the door, which turns out to be to a closet, and, along with the rest of the party, is covered in an impossibly large number of garish clown suits.]

04.06.056

Austin : I wonder what on earth they use these for. [Holds one up frowning] Perhaps I'd rather not know. [Grimaces at the garment and drops it to the floor]

04.06.057

[The double doors open. Enter JOE and several HARMA Officers.]

Joe: Hey! What the hell is going on here?

04.06.058

Austin : Awww, someone needs a hug [Tries to give Joe a big hug]


;;;awa hame, have a groovy weekend!

04.06.059

Clint: What he needs is a show from the greatest show on earth! [Nudges Dur towards the clown suits, whispering hasty instructions about "terrified of clowns" and "evil red noses" and so on.]

04.06.060

Dur: [Listens to Clint] Really? Huh. [Starts to scream] Help! Help! I'm terrified of clown suits and evil red noses!

Joe: [Pushes Austin away] Get the hell away from me!

04.06.061

Charlie: [To Joe] Do behave, and come with us, immediately and without whining. [To Clint] Assist Mr. Nunpar if needed.

04.06.062

Harvey : [Attempts to sidestep the pushed Austin]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.063

[HARVEY avoids AUSTIN with surprising grace and dexterity.]

Joe: I'll do no such thing! Get the hell out of my house!

04.06.064

Charlie: [Menacingly, in a low voice] Unless you want to bring the full fury of The Swarm [nods at Dur] upon you, you will be quiet, and you will come with us immediately.

04.06.064

Austin : [Stumbles but keeps his feet. Straightens up and checks his hair in his pocket mirror] Well, someone certainly got out of the wrong side of be this morning.

04.06.065

Joe: There is no wrong side -- I own both of them! [Calls out] Guards! Help!

04.06.065

[HARVEY crashes into JOE, knocking him to the ground, just as dozens of HARMA officers start pouring out from other rooms.]

Alice: Holy crap! I think all of HARMA are here! Let's get the hell out of here!

04.06.066

Clint: [Goes to bop Joe over the head.] Shaddup, you! The... uh... lady asked you to come with us without whining!

04.06.066

Austin : [To Charlie, in disbelief] Why did you not use the card?

04.06.067

Harvey : Or shouting! Definitely no shouting, what! [Attempts a flying tackle at Joe]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.067

Charlie: [To Austin] We want him to come WITH us, not leave! [Whips out the Whatever card and starts Whatevering as many HARMA toadies as she can to clear an escape path for the party] Grab Joe and follow me, group!!

04.06.068

[CHARLIE whatevers the oncoming HARMA members, all of whom turn away, but they are recovering quickly, and soon the party will engulfed.]

Joe: [Runs into his room, laughing] They'll never find me in here! [Slams the door after him]

04.06.069

Austin : [Hurrys after Joe] He is getting away! Hurry! [Tries to open the door and follow Joe]

04.06.070

[Oh no! The door is locked.]

Alice: [Throws a clown mask at the onrushing HARMA officers, which bounces harmlessly off] Quick! Get the door open! We'll never get passed them!

04.06.071

Austin : [Tries to pick the lock] Defend me!

04.06.072

Alice: I think Austin is really nice, and even though sometimes he might sound like he's being overly critical, it's simply him trying to get the party to work together as a cohesive unit. [Gives Austin a big smile and two thumbs up]

04.06.073

Austin : [To Alice] Thanks Alice, that's just perfect! [Continues trying to pick the lock]

04.06.074

[Click! The lock opens, and the party dash in, slamming the door behind them. It is a bedroom that looks like a fairy tale threw up in it: it is covered in frothy pink frills and tiny ornaments of unicorns and princesses. There's no sign of JOE, although there are plenty of cupboards. The room is on the ground floor, so a window escape is possible.]

Alice: Wow! This place is great!

[The HARMA officers outside immediately begin hammering on the door.]

04.06.075

Austin : [Stares around the room] It looks as though Joe kicks with the left foot. Either that or he is a bigtime transvestite [Focuses again, tries to jam the door with a chair] Help me barricade the door!

04.06.076

Alice: Yeesh! So the guy likes pink? So what?

Dur: [Putting a chair up against the door, which is immediately split by an axe] Eeek! [Points at the window] Let's get out of here!

04.06.077

Austin : We should search for Joe [Frantically opens some cupboards] Or torch the place! Smoke him out! [To the party] Does anyone have a light?

04.06.078

[AUSTIN flings open one of the closets, but it is Joeless. The door easily splits, and if the party stay any longer, they will surely be captured.]

Dur: [Panicky] We're all gonna die!

04.06.079

Austin : [Runs for the window, tries to open it and get out] Let's get out of here!

04.06.080

Harvey : Indeed, time for a strategic withdrawal! [Attempts to push a cupboard against the door]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.081

Dur: Coming through!

[AUSTIN leaps out the window, followed closely by DUR. Unfortunately, the cupboard is too heavy for HARVEY, but there is time for everyone to get out.]

Alice: [Helping herself to some unicorns] Just a sec!

04.06.081

Charlie: [Tries to help Harvey bar the door with the cupboard] How dreadful! Nothing is working as planned!

04.06.082

Clint: [Eyes alight.] Quick, let's burn the house down! That'll smoke 'im out!

04.06.083

Harvey : No time private, no time! Come troop, strategically withdraw yourself through the window! [Turns to Alice] No time for those dear niece, go g= o go!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.084

Clint: I'll bring up the rear! [Looks around.] Which, in a room like this, is a dangerous thing to say!

04.06.085

Alice: [Grabs one of the unicorns as she runs, but drops it] Oh no! Princess Fluffikins! Fly, Princess! Fly!

[Crash. PRINCESS FLUFFIKINS smashes to pieces as ALICE leaps out.]

04.06.086

Austin : [Watches the unicorn smash] Well, at least we have achieved some good today.

04.06.087

Charlie: I quite agree! It's a travesty. A unicorn should be named something like Princess Eunice Van Hornington, emphasizing the horn rather than its tail. Honestly! [Goes to jump out the window]

04.06.088

Alice: No way! That might the kind of name that a uniporn might have, but not a proper unicorn!

Dur: Forget that! Where the hell are we going to go?

04.06.089

Harvey : Find some cover and fast!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.06.090

Austin : [Looks around frantically for a good escape or cover] We should have brought the Swarm!

04.06.091

Alice: Let's go to Harvey's house, they'll never think of looking for us there!

04.06.092

Charlie: Surely Harvey's house is the first place they'd look for us!

04.06.093

Alice: Where else then? The only other places we've been have been that sneezy brothel and Deuce's place!

04.06.095

Dur: What?! I thought the sneezy brothel WAS Deuce's place...From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.231.41.143 with HTTP; Wed, 29 Sep 2010 06:22:40 -0700 (PDT) Date: Wed, 29 Sep 2010 14:22:40 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=tSsn_y5o6vPT74YfxCDrVHfbbAmj61kW5Gcw_@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Dougal: [Shouting from the window] There they are! [Calls to someone inside] Get a ladder!

Alice: Make up your mind! It's only a matter of time before they realise they're on the ground floor!

04.06.096

Austin : Well let's go to Deuce's place then!

04.06.097

[Exit the party.]

Dougal: [Calling back in] Where the hell is that ladder? [Looks out] Hey! We're on the ground floor! We don't need a ladder at all!

;; End of scene

04.06.097

Clint: [Strangely pleased.] Didn't I say we should make use of our army of highly motivated sociopaths? Didn't I? [Looks around.] I think we should break in to someone else's house. No sense in bringing Deuce into any this when we don't have to!


;;; I don't suppose we *Happen* to know where Dougal lives?

04.07.001


;;; In Joe's house!

[Book VII, Act IV, Scene VII. An alleyway near DEUCE's house. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, and HARVEY are here, having given the others the slip.]

Alice: [To Clint] Are we really going to have them attack HARMA? They'll all be torn to pieces! HARMA are a well trained, if not too smart, group, while The Swarm are just a bunch of bald headed idiots. [To Dur] No offence.

04.07.002

Clint: [Shrugs.] I dunno, Bimbo, don't we have to stop both eventually? 'sides, if it's them or us, it's us! But if anyone's got a better plan that doesn't involve getting us killed, I'm all ears!

04.07.003

Dur: Give up this heroing crap and run like hell?

04.07.003

Alice: We need to stop HARMA, but the Swarm aren't really doing any harm to anyone, other than themselves, through their leaders. Hey, what we need is to get the leaders of the Swarm to kill Joe!

04.07.004

Clint: Great idea, Bimbo! Let's go back to the guys who want us to kill Joe and convince them to do it for us! [Pauses.] So now what? We seem to be safe for the moment.

04.07.005

Charlie: I suppose we'd better move quickly to find the Swarm leaders, before we're discovered.

04.07.006

Harvey : Agreed! In fact, we must both find the Swarm leaders, and Joe!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.007

Clint: Then we... what, sit them down and make them talk over their differences? Lock them in a room and throw away the key? Maybe both at once?

04.07.008

Austin : Why Mr Scar, there is hope for you yet. Possibly [Checks his nails casually]

04.07.009

Alice: Hey, that's a great idea! [Starts heading to Deuce's house] What we need is some way of either smuggling the leaders into the town, or getting Joe out. [Thinks] Getting him out didn't work so well the first time, though.

04.07.010

Charlie: Perhaps the clown masks would come in handy?

04.07.010

Austin : Although Joe is already in the closet. Perhaps we could put the leaders of the Swarm in there with him and lock the closet door. [Ponder] Although they did want the colonel to dispose of Joe personally, and I think that could propel the colonel along the Path somewhat.

04.07.011

Alice: Clown masks are always handy! [To Austin] That's not a bad idea, but how do we get them into the town? It's like that story, you know, the Wooden Horse of Roy, where the Geeks who were trying to get into a town called Roy built a wooden animal, I think it may have been a unicorn, and hid inside it. It turned out that Roy hated unicorns and burned it to the ground, killing all the geeks. [Thinks for a moment] What was the question?

[The party arrive at DEUCE's house.]

04.07.012

Harvey : [Knocks on the door loudly] I say there, open up what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.013

[The door is opened by DEUCE.]

Deuce: Oh, hey guys. Got the leaders of The Swarm?

04.07.014

Dur: Not yet, but I think there was mention of smuggling them into town in a giant wooden unicorn.

04.07.015

Austin : A unicorn that may have a name in keeping with the tactile features of it's main and tail, or possibly more in keeping with the prowess of it's horn. [Glances from Alice to Charlie. Sighs] Hopefully neither.

04.07.016

Alice: Everyone knows that the magic of a unicorn is in his tail!

Deuce: [Letting the party in] Not a bad idea, especially given Joe's love of them. He might even bring it into his fabled safe room.

04.07.017

Austin : [To Deuce] You mean his room full of toy unicorns, pink tiaras and the like?

04.07.018

Deuce: No! It's a room beneath the house, that's supposed to be filled with golden unicorns. Normally Joe and HARMA hate anything showy or pretty, but he keeps all the golden unicorns to himself.

Alice: Huh, so, Joe would want the unicorn in there, and the Swarm leaders, who seem to love collecting loot and treasure, would want to get in there to get the cash? [Looks around at the party] Is anyone else thinking what I'm thinking?

04.07.019

Austin : I doubt that very much, but do share you thoughts with us, just in case [Smiles]

04.07.020

Alice: I'm thinking that if Joe and the Swarm leaders killed each other, we'd get to keep all those unicorns!

04.07.021

Dur: Indeed! [Licks his lips] I understand that unicorn meat is very filling!=

04.07.021

Austin : I see. Yes. [Checks the shine on his shoes] Well personally I feel that the real failure here exists at a middle management level. As usual.

04.07.022

Alice: So, uh, are you a middle manager, Aus?

04.07.023

Clint: Which brings up a good question... Say we get rid of the leaders of HARMA and the Swarm, what's to stop the middle managers from taking over? Other than general incompetence, I mean!

04.07.024

Harvey : That's usually the way of the world though, private. The bad are replaced by those who are even worse! [Scratches at a sideburn] It is my gue= ss that the entrance to this secret room is hidden in one of those cupboards!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.025

Clint: I bet it's under the flooring somehow! [Nods sagely.] Surveys say that secret rooms are either in cupboards, behind bookcases, or hidden under rugs.

04.07.026

Deuce: There is no middle management with the Swarm, just the top level and the baldies. WIth HARMA, there is so much middle management that they'll tear themselves apart without Joe's iron grip!

04.07.027

Charlie: Splendid! Now, if we could only find this secret room of golden unicorns!

04.07.028

Alice: I know how to find it! We get Joe to show us!

04.07.029

Harvey : [Full of pride] Wonderful thinking dearest niece! I'm sure he knows where it is! In fact, he's probably in there right now! So all we need to= do is find the secret room, then force Nunpar to tell us where the secret room is!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.030

o do >is find the secret room, then force Nunpar to tell us where the secret room is!

Dur: Excellent! Perhaps we can dupe another HARMA lackey into taking us there by using the WHATEVER card?

04.07.031

Alice: [Enthusiastically nodding along to Harvey's words] Yes! Yes! [Thinks for a moment] Hey! Wait a minute! That's not what I meant at all! We need to give him something that he'll put in there, and then follow him in there!

04.07.031

Austin : [Looks deeply offended.To Alice] No, I am certainly not middle management. [To the Party] Why don't we sneak back into Nunpar's house, but go straight in through the window that we left by? Then we will be in Nunpar's special room without having to go through the house, and, I suspect, that Nunpar's lackeys are not allowed into that room without Joe's direct orders, so we will be able to search it uninterrupted.

04.07.032

Alice: Because surely security will be tighter than ever!

04.07.033

Charlie: How can we be sure that room leads to the rooms with the golden unicorns? Mightn't that be a bit obvious, and therefore a potential security risk, to have a secret entrance to a secret room containing golden unicorns located in a room containing non-golden unicorns?

04.07.034

Alice: Maybe that's just what they want you to think! I still think my idea of the Golden Unicorn of Roy is the best thing to do.

04.07.035

Austin : [Shrugs] We could do both. [To Charlie] We have already seen that their security is extremely lax, so even if they double their efforts, it will be meaningless.

04.07.036

Alice: So, half of us go back to The Swarm and get them to make a golden unicorn while half of us try to break into the place we were just caught breaking into?

04.07.037

Charlie: [Gasps] Goodness, no! Never split the party! I say we try Alice's plan. Even a stopped clock is right twice a day, after all!

04.07.038

Harvey : Agreed cadet, the party must stay together what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.039

Austin : So we are all going to go to the Swarm and get them to build a golden unicorn? I bagsy the head end.

04.07.040

Dur: Once we're inside the unicorn, though, how are we going to get it to HARMA?

04.07.040

Alice: Yay! Thanks Charlie! [To Austin] Maybe we should just get the leaders of The Swarm in the unicorn? That way they and Joe can fight it out, and we can just come along and clean up afterwards.

04.07.041

Alice: Well, first of all, Dur, unicorns can fly! Second, that's why it's better that we're not in there, we can direct the rest of the swarm to bring it to Queens View.

04.07.042

Harvey : The only problem I can see is trying to find enough gold to make it out of!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.043

Charlie: Couldn't we just paint it a golden color?

04.07.044

Clint: Or just use fool's gold? It seems strangely appropriate that we do!

04.07.045

Austin : Or just use gold paint?

04.07.046

Clint: [Shrugs.] Sure, we could do that too. But c'mon, a fool's gold unicorn full of fools? No one'll see it coming!

04.07.047

Harvey : Well, someone had better see it coming, otherwise the effort will go to waste and the unicorn will not be brought in.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.048

Alice: And all that gold paint will cost money! Maybe [conspiratorially to Austin and Clint] maybe we could liberate the golden unicorn once Joe and the Swarm leaders have killed each other?

04.07.049

the >Swarm leaders have killed each other?

Dur: Maybe the Swarm leaders have some confiscated gold spray paint that wecan use...=

04.07.050

Austin : Maybe they have confiscated a huge golden unicorn that we can use. It would save rather a lot of nasty messing around building the thing. [Muses] Perhaps the Swarm would build it for us.

04.07.051

Deuce: Sounds like you have a plan. Why don't you drop it at the gate at [checks his watch] 7PM tonight? Then, come around to the south side of the town wall and I'll let you in a secret passage.

04.07.052

Charlie: How thrilling! I do love a good secret passage.

04.07.053

Deuce: Oh, how well I remember, Puddin' Pop.

Alice: So how do we get back in contact with The Swarm? They told us that someone in Queens View would be looking for us.

Deuce: [Points to a man standing right outside the window, looking in at the party with binoculars] Maybe it's him?

[The party turn to see the man, JONES, who is literally an inch from the window looking in. It isn't possible to see his face because of the binoculars, but he definitely has a shaven head.]

04.07.054

Harvey : I say, why is he holding the larger end of those binoculars to hiseyes? He must think we're miles away!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.054

Austin : [Sighs] I don't know what this world is comming to. The meerest mention of Charlie's secret tunnels we instantly have peeping tom's.

04.07.055

Deuce: That could account for why he's almost inside the house!

[JONES doesn't seem to react to the fact that everyone is now looking at him.]

04.07.055

Jones: [Calling in] Don't speak to me out here! You'll only draw attention to us!

04.07.056

Charlie: [Calls to Jones] Hello, there! [Helpfully] You know, it's rather off-putting, trying to speak to you when you've got those absurd things blocking your face.

04.07.058

Harvey : [Loudly back] The attention has already been drawn, I would have thought!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.059

Jones: [Even louder] Speak up! I can hardly hear you out here!

04.07.060

Austin : [Concerned] Should we let him in? He looks like a complete idiot.

04.07.061

Alice: If he's a complete idiot he probably really is one of The Swarm.

04.07.062

Last from Conor 61

Austin : [Suspicious] Or HARMA.

04.07.063

Jones: [Shouting in] I'm not with HARMA! I'm an undercover spy for The Swarm!

04.07.064

Harvey : [Cups his ear with his hand] What did he say? [Loudly] Speak up man!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.064

Austin : [Muses, suspicious] Hmm, that could be a cunning lie to cover his true identity. How can we get him to prove that he is who he says he is?

04.07.065

Alice: It could be, but who other than The Swarm know that we're supposed to meet someone?

04.07.065

Jones: [Even louder] I'm an undercover spy!

[Some passing HARMA officers begin to approach.]

04.07.067

Dur: Well we certainly aren't getting anywhere fast like this! [Hauls the window open to pull Jones inside, shutting window and shade behind the man.] = If we can't see them, they can't see us, right?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.231.41.143 with HTTP; Tue, 5 Oct 2010 06:57:34 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 5 Oct 2010 14:57:34 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=nF+A5f2+YY-=mD++64fMszuH8+LpEXofTGYas@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Deuce: Sure!

[JONES is half pulled, half climbs in the window, and DUR shuts the curtains after.]

Jones: [Stands up straight and speaks in a stilted manner] The egg has a pleasing but plain shape.

04.07.068

Dur: [Attempts to girlishly slap Jones] I was just helping you in the window, don't get fresh with me, sir!

04.07.069

Austin : I take it that this is some form of SWARM greeting that only initiates are aware of? [Looks to the others for explanation]

04.07.070

Charlie: Perhaps a mating ritual of some kind?

04.07.071

Alice: Maybe it's both? You know, to get the Swarm mating with each other?

Jones: [Blocks Dur's girlish slap] It is a code, and how I identify myself to you. I say "The egg has a pleasing but plain shape" and then one of you says "And within it contains the miracle of life." Let's try again: The egg has a pleasing but plain shape.

04.07.072

Charlie: [Flips out a notepad and starts scribbling] And THEN you mate? How extraordinary! Tell me more about this ritual and your gestation period, etc.

04.07.073

Deuce: There's no gestation period, Puddin' Pop, they clearly lay eggs!

Jones: [Getting frustrated] No! Give me the response to the code! The egg has a pleasing but plain shape.

Alice: Okay, okay, I'll go for it: and in it there's some life!

04.07.074

Harvey : Actually dear niece, I believe the response was "and within it is contained a spherical wife"

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.075

Dur: Or was it, "Boiling it will bring internal strife,"?

04.07.076

Jones: [Exasperated sigh] Close enough! I was sent here to see if you needed to talk to The Leader.

04.07.077

Clint: Only if he can help us with a giant wooden unicorn!

04.07.078

Harvey : And one thousand tins of gold paint.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.07.078

Adam: [Suspiciously] Making it or bringing it into the camp so that the HARMA soldiers secreted inside can sneak out during the night and kill us all while we sleep?

04.07.079

Jones: Reverend Benediction is very resourceful. I would not be surprised if he has those items.

04.07.080

Austin : Excellent, then could you get him to build us a giant golden unicorn, with space inside for, ten or so people. [Looks pleased with the progress]

04.07.081

Jones: Sure, but don't you want to come and tell him yourself?

Alice: [Nods] It makes sense, Aus, this guy will probably get it wrong.

04.07.082

Charlie: [To Jones] Splendid! Where can we find this man?

04.07.082

Austin : [Nods in agreement] Or make a golden egg or something. He seems to have a thing about eggs.

04.07.083

Alice: [To Austin, trying to whisper but somehow sounding louder than normal] It's the B - L - D head!

Jones: [Dramatically] The Swarm are camped at a secret location. [Even more dramatically] I can bring you there. [Chewing the scenery, waving his arms around] If you want to, that is. [Falls to his knees, sweat pouring from his brow] As long as it's convenient for you.

04.07.085

Dur: Not as convenient as you carrying us there, but I suppose it will do.From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.231.41.143 with HTTP; Wed, 6 Oct 2010 06:32:57 -0700 (PDT) Date: Wed, 6 Oct 2010 14:32:57 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTin2_tZcdHACVa_uNwNTCauV3hnGyxwx+onP55z0@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: And it is more convenient than us having to carry him.

Jones: Excellent. [Puts a bag on the floor] Here are you raincoats, sunglasses, hats and fake noses.

04.07.086

Charlie: [Dons her sunglasses, hat, and raincoat, but holds the fake nose by the tip, looking disgusted] My fake nose is--used.

04.07.087

Jones: That's not a fake nose, it's a -- uh, I mean, sorry about that, here's a clean one. [Hands one over]

Alice: [Looks at Charlie in surprise] What are you doing? Shouldn't we take off all our clothes first?

04.07.088

Austin : [Smirks] No Alice, you only need to do that if you are expecting to be paid for it.

04.07.089

Alice: Wow, Austin, that's the second least romantic anyone has ever said to me.

04.07.090

Dur: What was the first?

04.07.091

Alice: [Finger quotes] If I pay you extra will you stop talking? [Hangs her head sadly]

04.07.092

Deuce: Yeesh, I said I was sorry! [To the party] I got carried away and forgot where I was!

04.07.093

Austin : [To Alice] It was a joke! Okay, a pretty poor joke, but most certainly a joke! [Glances at Deuce] And I mean what I said, not what he said. [Straightens his cuff]

04.07.094

Austin : [To Alice] It was a joke! Okay, a pretty poor joke, but most certainly a joke! [Glances at Deuce] And I mean what I said, not what he said. [Straightens his cuff]

Alice: Well, excuse me for thinking that you only wear raincoats when you're about to flash someone! Why on earth else would you wear such an awful looking coat?

04.07.095

Austin : Oh, good point. Never really understood flashing. Why do such people not just come along to one of the many naturist outings that my group and many other groups have every year. [Shrugs] People can be very odd sometimes. Perhaps they are uncomfortable with their own nakedness, and therefore have to expose themselves in limited amounts, a bit like testing the bath water with your pinkie to see if it is too hot. [Muses]

04.07.096

Jones: Except it's not your pinkie, it's your love truncheon, and it's not bath water, but the terrible beauty that is public ridicule at the hands of complete strangers that you'll relive time and time again on those long lonely nights when you're so lonely that even the pointing and laughing is better than the deafening silence that surrounds you in your home.

[An awkward silence descends.]

Jones: Er, right, if everyone's ready to go?

Alice: [To Jones] Are you wearing anything under that raincoat?

Jones: Good. Let's go!

[Now in disguise, the party exit, leaving DEUCE alone.]

Deuce: Yeesh, you make the mistake of thinking a girl is a hooker and she never forgives you!


;;; End of scene

04.08.001

[Book VII, Act IV, Scene VIII. A Camp, near Queens View. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and HARVEY are here, accompanied by JONES, having easily slipped out of Queens View. They have travelled about three miles when they encounter ADAM MCPATCH, at the edge of the camp. He has a canon gun pointed directly at the party.]

Adam: Halt! Who goes there?

Jones: [To the party] Stay quiet, I'll handle this. [Steps forward] The egg has a pleasing but plain shape.

[Kaboom! ADAM fires the canon, with the canon ball barely missing JONES, and causing the rest of the party to dive for cover.]

04.08.002

Charlie: [Helpfully] Perhaps he already has a mate?

04.08.003

Jones: [Leaps to his feet indignantly] Hey! That's supposed to be the password! And don't you recognise me?

Adam: Never saw you before in my life!

[JONES flashes him.]

Adam: [Looks disgusted] Ah, Jones! What are you doing back? [Starts to reload the canon]

04.08.004

Clint: [Strides boldly forward.] Nevermind about him. Take us to your giant wooden unicorn!

04.08.005

Adam: [Looks Clint up and down] What are you? Another flasher? [Distastefully] You want to see my giant wooden unicorn? Well, let me tell you, lad, [points at his crotch] there ain't no one gets to see my giant wooden unicorn except for my wife, and then only when she's wearing a nurse's uniform!

Alice: Huh. So, you like the kinky stuff, eh?

Adam: No, she's a nurse, and we're divorced. I get a check up from her once a year, though.

04.08.006

Clint: [Blinks.] Riiiiiight.


;;; I'm, uh, drawing a blank here.

04.08.007

Austin : Lovely. [To Jones] Well we must not dilly dally, we have a mission to complete, shall we get moving.

04.08.010

Charlie: [To Adam] Goodness, no! Quite the opposite, in fact.

04.08.011

Harvey : Indeed, we want one made.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.012

Adam: Well then, in that case, you better follow me.

[The party follow ADAM to a huge tent, through the hundreds of Swarm members, who are sitting on blankets eating bread and water. When he knocks on the flap, it sounds like he's knocking on the door. A slightly drunken voice calls back, it is BEN BENEDICTION.]

Ben: Come in if you're naked!

Adam: [To the party] That rule won't be applied.

04.08.013

Austin : Shame.

04.08.014

[The party enter, to find BEN lying back on a comfortable bed of cushions, smoking a cheeserette and drinking some fine wine. He is surrounded by scantily dressed floozies who are making him comfortable. Also here is JOHN, sitting back watching everything.]

Ben: Hey! It's the Queens View spies! Come on in, guys, the floozies are fine!

04.08.015

Austin : [Browsing the Floozies] Are there enough for everyone?

04.08.017

Dur: [Distractedly] I don't think that's why we came here.From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.231.41.143 with HTTP; Thu, 7 Oct 2010 06:31:13 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 7 Oct 2010 14:31:13 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTinZXUCwBQN-kPPb7PNtE470hBKHYjDZe1gMPa=-@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

[The FLOOZIES, who are reasonably attractive, although clearly intoxicated, giggle at AUSTIN's question.]

Ben: Sure! [To Dur] Then why the hell else would you be here?

John: Maybe they have information about taking down HARMA?

Ben: Oh. [Puts down his floozy] What's the story?

04.08.018

Charlie: We have a brilliant plan! All we need is a wooden unicorn large enough to accomodate a small army. Oh, and the unicorn must be painted with gold.

04.08.019

Harvey : Cunning, eh!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.020

Ben: I suppose that depends on what you're going to do with it.

04.08.021

Austin : Something so predicatable that it might just work. [Winks at a giggling floozie that caught his eye]

04.08.022

Ben: [As the giggling floozy giggles even more floozily] How about you share that with us? Then we might be able to help you.

04.08.023

Harvey : [Shocked, and loudly in a Harvey whisper to Clint] I say, is he talking about sharing that giggling scantily clad lady, or the plan about the= horse?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.023

Charlie: [To Ben] We intend to hide in the wooden unicorn, and then leave it in a prominent location outside of the city. [Grows excited] Then, HARMA will retrieve it and place it with their super-secret stash of REAL, terribly valuable golden unicorns. We will lie in wait for an opportune moment, then come out of hiding, kill that dreadful Joe Nunpar, and then make a hasty retreat!

04.08.024

Ben: [Sitting up] Terribly valuable, you say? Huh. You know, this sounds like an awfully dangerous mission, maybe too dangerous for someone as valuable as yourselves.

John: Perhaps someone from The Swarm should go?

Ben: Great idea, John, but I'd be concerned about a future leader of The Swarm being killed. [To the party] Any member of The Swarm can be chosen to be leader; and once they've done it once, they can never do it again. [Muses to himself] Hm, who else could it be? Who else does it leave? Think, Ben. Come on, you'll only be leader for another few hours, and then you can never be one again, so you must think, think, think!

Alice: [To a Floozy wearing a ridiculously short and slutty dress] That's really classy, but when I can see your ass. Maybe you should pull it down a bit.

Floozy: Tried it, and then a boob popped out.

04.08.025

Harvey : [Growing red with embarrassment, to the floozy] Perhaps you could borrow someones raincoat what! [Turns to Ben] So, what you are saying, is t= hat there really is only one person in the Swarm who is eligible to lead this mission, someone who can no longer become the leader, but who would set = such a fine example of what leadership is really about, by leading this mission, what?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.026

Floozy: Sure thing! [Takes off her dress so she's now completely naked] Can I borrow someone's raincoat?

Ben: As a matter of fact, there are seven people; all ex-leaders of The Swarm. As I'm stepping down tonight, I'll lead the mission.

04.08.027

Charlie: [To Ben, admiringly] What a marvelous idea. How brave you are! [Flirting clumsily, batting her eyes] If only I had the low self-esteem and morals necessary to find you desirable, I should like to engage in non-reproductive intercourse with you for one glorious night that is never to be spoken of again!

04.08.028

Austin : [Chuckles] If only? What are you waiting for [Ponders] Of yes, it's still daytime. [Sighs] Perhaps Mr Dur, I mean Terry here, [Nods towards Dur] could be elected the new leader of the Swarm?

04.08.029

Ben: [To Charlie] Stick around and listen to a few of my sermons describing how everything you do, no matter how natural, is actually sinful and offensive to God and nature, and your self esteem will soon be low enough. [To Austin] This is The Swarm, there are no elections here. A leader simply steps forward.

04.08.030

Austin : [To Ben] How incredibly straight forward and bereft of bureaucracy! When would the appropriate time for this stepping forward be?

04.08.031

Ben: That's something only Swarm members can know. [Clicks his fingers at John] One golden unicorn, if you please.

John: I'll have our best men on the case right away.

[Exit JOHN.]

Ben: [To the party] This should only take a few minutes. Care for a floozy?

04.08.032

Austin : Why, thank you for your kind hospitality [Takes the hand of the floozy that caught his eye and whispers something in her ear]

04.08.033

Charlie: [To Austin] Do stay focused, Mr. Sleaze! We haven't time for dilly-dallying, and Phili only knows what horrid diseases these trollops are carrying!

04.08.034

Dur: Said the girlfriend of a demon! [Eyes a nearly naked floozy] Besides, they don't LOOK diseased to me!=

04.08.034

John: [To Charlie, as the floozy giggles mindlessly at Austin's words, before starting to rub his shoulders] Actually, I know too. All floozies are required to give us a list of their horrid diseases before being permitted entry to the tent. [To Austin] You'll be glad to hear that none of them have anything that can't be cleared up with the liberal application of bantiotic ointment.

Alice: And how's he supposed to get hold of bantiotic ointment out here in the middle of nowhere? At this time of night? On a Tuesday?

John: [Opens a nearby chest which is crammed full of ointment tubes] We know our floozies.

04.08.035

Alice: Oh great. That probably means the poor girls are going to diet.

[All the FLOOZIES start to scream and cry.]

Alice: Sorry! Sorry! Calm down! I meant die.

[They all calm down immediately.]

04.08.036

Charlie: [To Ben, casting an annoyed look at the floozies] Right, how is that unicorn getting along?

04.08.037

Ben: We have five master unicorn carvers as part of The Swarm. I'm sure it'll be just a few more minutes.

[As if on cue, there's another knock on the tent. Enter JOHN.]

John: The unicorn is ready, although, they did ask me to say that they're not entirely happy with it because of the rush.

Alice: [With a snort of derision] What the hell kind of master carvers are they? Just how bad is it?

John: There's slightly less cupboard space in it than they'd like, and they'd have preferred a little more time to work on the sauna.

04.08.038

Harvey : Well troop, let us see this master craftsmanship for ourselves!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.039

Clint: [Grabs a random floozy.] In particular, let's see this sauna!


;;; I'm not going to be around a lot the next week or so - we're at the height

;;; of the job search season and I have proposals to finish and

applications to

;;; mail and all sorts of annoying things like that. Just forgot to

mention it

;;; earlier. Sorry!

04.08.040

Dur: I second that motion! Maybe we should bring a few floozies with us?

04.08.041

Clint: [Nodding.] Great minds think alike, huh doc?

04.08.042

Harvey : Hmm, as long as the doc there has unlimited supply of that potion [gestures towards the chest] , I'd leave those er, ladies, behind, private!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.043

Alice: You'd do what with the lady's behind?

[The party head out to see the unicorn. It looks fantastic, and can easily fit ten people.]

Alice: [Looks in through a hatch on the bottom] Wow! The shelves and stairs look great!

04.08.044

Austin : Ahh, the Golden Unicorn of Queens View. With space for a few floozies too I see [Smiles] Is there a bathroom, or just a jacuzzi?

04.08.045

Patch: Just a jacuzzi, but that's okay, because it needs help heating the water and getting it moving around.

04.08.046

Charlie: [Disappointed] The study is rather small, and the library is disgraceful!

04.08.047

Harvey : However, on the plus side, there is ample room for a highly specialised task force to infiltrate the Harma stronghold, providing there is a m= inimum of floozy and jucuzzi based distractions!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.048

Dur: The real question is who is going to be on the task force and who stays behind with the main bodies of the floozies... Err with the Sawrm that is=

04.08.048

Ben: [Checking it out] It's tolerable, I suppose. Okay, back it up to the tent for a moment, and then bring us to Queens View. Remember, no one should speak once we're in there, just in case.

[Some Swarm members push the unicorn up to the tent, and the party spot several men dressed all in white, including REV. WILLIAM WORSHIP, going into the back of the tent. None of them look like Swarm members.]

Alice: How come those guys aren't dome heads?

John: It seems that all those called to be leaders got the call before they had a chance to shave their heads.

04.08.049

Patch: You're more than welcome to, being a Swarm member, those floozies need looking after, and you're probably just the eunuch to do it!

04.08.050

Austin : [Goes into the unicorn. Echoing from inside] Well come on, we haven't got all day you know. [Tuts]

04.08.051

[When AUSTIN goes into the tent to gain entrance to the unicorn, he finds that the opening is shut, and that all the treasure from the tent is gone.]

04.08.052

Harvey : [Pokes his head into the tent] I say, what's this? Why is the opening shut?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.052

Austin : [Tuts] Nothing is sacred these days, turns your back for just a moment and some vagabond steals everything. [Sighs. Knocks on the opening] Open up, we are not all in there yet.

04.08.053

Ben: [From within] Maybe, but we all are. Patch, push the unicorn to Queens View!

[A bunch of Swarm members start pushing the unicorn.]

Alice: [To Austin] This is great! All we need to do is just follow them! Remember, Deuce is going to let us in a secret entrance to Queens View, and all we need to do is come along and clean up the mess once Joe and the leaders have killed each other.

04.08.054

Charlie: Indeed, it all seems to be working according to plan, group! [Breathes a sigh of relief] And thank Phili I shan't be forced to work under those barbaric conditions! [Groans loudly] A library, without a copy of Fitzhugh's Botanical Anomalies?!

04.08.054

Austin : [Sighs and rolls his eyes] Yes but we will have to walk now. We could have disembarked a little outside of Queens View and saved ourselves a jolly long walk. [Looks around] Maybe there is a carriage]

04.08.055

Alice: Uh, barbaric?

John: [Looking around the tent] Huh. So all our savings are gone?

04.08.056

Dur: ... Are you thinking that the whole "Swarm" fiasco was little more than a con?

04.08.057

Austin : [Muses] Yes, a similar con was perpetrated by that 'Bottomologists' Cult. They brain washed thousands and took all of their money. Quite clever really.

04.08.058

Harvey : Hmmm, it seems to me that perhaps Harma have infiltrated the Swarm, and even as we speak, the entire contents of the Swarm coffers and being = pushed towards Queens View. In a unicorn.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.059

Austin : Well, we could nail the entrance to the unicorn shut in that case. But how can you be sure?

04.08.060

Clint: No way. Those guys were way too laid back to be HARMA, even undercover! I say we stick to the original plan and if we happen to come across someone's life's savings just lying on the ground... Well, we'll know whose it is!

04.08.061

Alice: Agreed! They may be a bunch of lowlife conmen, stealing money off a bunch of idiots [nods to John] no offence [carries on] but they're still way better than HARMA. Come on, let's see if we can get some of these idiots to carry us? [To John] Will you carry us to Queens View?

John: No.

04.08.062

Clint: Not even if we tell you that we think we know where your treasury has gone?

04.08.063

Harvey : Surely that in itself is worth the price of passage, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.063

John: Especially if you tell me that you think you know where the treasury has gone!

04.08.065

Austin : Why not?

04.08.066

Charlie: Yes, surely one must purchase head-shaving equipment, at the very least?

04.08.067

Austin : An the tent must require some form of maintenance, and that cream can't be free surely?

04.08.068

John: The Swarm shouldn't need wealth. We only need all that cream because we have the tent, and any old rusty bit of metal well do as a razor.

Patch: [Horrified] Mutiny! How dare you sir! How dare you! [Takes out an old rusty bit of metal and brandishes it as though it's a weapon]

Alice: [To the party] You know, that unicorn is probably half way to Queens View by now.

04.08.069

Harvey : [To Patch] I say sir, this is no time for head shaving! We should attempt to catch up to the unicorn!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.070

Patch: Yeah, why don't you do that? I'm going to stay here and crack some skulls.

John: [Calmly] Cracking my skull won't change the fact that you're misguided.

04.08.071

Austin : [Sighs] Well, lets go, this place is going down hill rapidly.

04.08.072

Charlie: Agreed, Mr. Sleaze! Let us try to locate the golden unicorn at once.

04.08.074

Dur: Perhaps we can follow its tracks?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.116.207 with SMTP id n15cs113017faq; Tue, 12 Oct 2010 06:24:55 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.11.205 with SMTP id 55mr6765471wex.51.1286889895007; Tue, 12 Oct 2010 06:24:55 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <Colin.Dinan@version1.com> Received: from SRVADMEXCH03.v1.com ( [83.71.143.7] ) by mx.google.com with ESMTP id k53si3388540weq.96.2010.10.12.06.24.54; Tue, 12 Oct 2010 06:24:54 -0700 (PDT) Received-SPF: neutral (google.com: 83.71.143.7 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of Colin.Dinan@version1.com) client-ip=83.71.143.7; Authentication-Results: mx.google.com; spf=neutral (google.com: 83.71.143.7 is neither permitted nor denied by best guess record for domain of Colin.Dinan@version1.com) smtp.mail=Colin.Dinan@version1.com Received: from srvadmexch01.V1.COM (192.168.122.132) by mx0.version1.com (172.19.131.26) with Microsoft SMTP Server (TLS) id 8.1.436.0; Tue, 12 Oct 2010 14:24:53 +0100 Received: from srvadmexch01.V1.COM ( [192.168.122.132] ) by srvadmexch01.V1.COM ( [192.168.122.132] ) with mapi; Tue, 12 Oct 2010 14:24:53 +0100 To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com> CC: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Date: Tue, 12 Oct 2010 14:23:57 +0100 Thread-Topic: [qv] 04.08.074 Thread-Index: AQHLahDa6x8/Sf7/5EaRV4XtBkUdcgMessage-ID: <B934E39ABDD3B145B6E31161FB0920B003E6F1D578@srvadmexch01.V1.COM> Accept-Language: en-US Content-Language: en-GB X-MS-Has-Attach: X-MS-TNEF-Correlator: acceptlanguage: en-US Content-Type: text/plain; charset="us-ascii" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable MIME-Version: 1.0 Return-Path: Colin.Dinan@version1.com

Harvey : Good thinking that man! Well that, and the fact they've no doubt taken the only route to Queens View, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.075

Alice: No good, Dur, there's no sign of any unicorn tracks. Just these weird little wheel tracks, although they are on the only route to Queens View.

[The unicorn is, of course, mounted on wheels.]

04.08.076

Austin : [To Alice] Those are unicorn tracks Alice. It makes them look like little wheel track to throw stupid people off their trails. They are very clever like that, didn't you know? [Brielfy checks his nails and starts walking]

04.08.077

Alice: If they were really clever, they'd just fly. Everyone knows that unicorns can fly.

[The party leave the Swarm, who are clearly getting very irate with each other, and soon arrive to the main gate of Queens View, where the unicorn is now placed outside.]

04.08.078

Austin : Charlie, do you sill have the whatever card?

04.08.079

Charlie: [Pats at a pocket] Right here, safe and sound! Have you an idea?

04.08.080

Austin : Well we still need to get into Quens View do we not? We may have to use the card.

04.08.082

Dur: What about Deuce's secret entrance?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.223.116.207 with HTTP; Tue, 12 Oct 2010 08:17:04 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 12 Oct 2010 16:17:04 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTikQP_c=mChRNEW4vSyNBEQJ-U+TEiPO66_+c2ao@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: Yeah! What about Deuce's secret entrance?

04.08.082

Austin : [Shrugs] Is that inside or outside of Queens View?

04.08.083

Alice: Outside! How else would we be able to use it to get in?

04.08.084

Austin : Deuce specified that it will get us into the secret chamber, but I do not recall him specifying the location of the entrance.

04.08.085

Alice: No he didn't, he said it would get us into the town, not the secret chamber. I don't think Deuce knows where the secret chamber is, on account of it being a secret and all.

04.08.086

Austin : [Looks very dissapointed] Oh. [Checks the shine on his shoes]

04.08.087

[The party get to the south side of Queens View, and can see that there is a small cave beneath one of the walls, with a light shining there.]

Alice: I bet he's there!

04.08.089

Dur: [Scoffs] And why would you think that?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.223.116.207 with HTTP; Tue, 12 Oct 2010 09:11:38 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 12 Oct 2010 17:11:38 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTi=GPE1dCjC9zvtYzsVVu=mTCZFAQqQZXkSX0dw-@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: Because he said he'd be there!

04.08.090

Dur: Oh! Well, lets get in there then! [Traipses off for the cave]

04.08.091

Charlie: Do be cautious, Dur! In fact, perhaps it would be best if you all followed me, given my leadership position in the group. [Attempts to lead the group toward the cave]

04.08.092

Alice: [Nods] You are an idiot, in all fairness, Dur.

[As the party approach, they can hear DEUCE's voice, whispering.]

Deuce: Is that you, Puddin' Pop? Give me your hand. I can't put on any light as I'm being watched.

04.08.093

Charlie: [Puts her hand out and feels for Deuce] Are we quite safe here? Perhaps we'd best find another entrance?

04.08.093

Clint: And why would they be watching a fine, upstanding citizen like you? Particularly when they could be looking at the mysterious golden unicorn on the other side of town?

04.08.094

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=us-ascii

Deuce: No worries. [Click. A handcuff is locked around Charlie's wrist] Sorry Puddin', but I need that card back.=20=

--Apple-Mail-3--642071400 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

04.08.095

Charlie: [Gasps] You horrid, horrid man! [Tries to quickly whatever Deuce] Whatever!!

04.08.096

[The other side of the handcuff is locked to a metal grate, which itself is closed, and with DEUCE on the other side.]

Deuce: I'll let you out in as soon as I have the- [drops his head and turns away sadly]

Alice: Oh no! How are we going to get her free?


;;; Oh no! No posting from me today...

04.08.097

Charlie: [To Austin] Hurry, can you pick the lock on these handcuffs?

04.08.098

Austin : [Shrugs] Why not. [Tries to pick the lock on the grate end of the handcuffs]

04.08.099

[AUSTIN can just about manage to get access to the lock, but can't get it open. DEUCE returns to view, recovering from the card.]

Deuce: Now, Puddin' Pop, don't get sore on me, you know I have to get it back from you.

04.08.100

Austin : [Wincing trying to get at the lock] I guess that this is not the first time that Deuce has handcuffed you to a railing!

04.08.101

Alice: [A little jealously] He had me handcuffed to a heating pipe!

04.08.102

Austin : [To Alice] Never mind, I'm sure that next time he will handcuff you to a drain pipe, or even a bannister!

04.08.103

Alice: I can dream, can't I?

04.08.104

Charlie: [Scoffs] It's far too easy to break the balusters on a bannister!

04.08.105

Austin : Hmm, yes, shoddy workmanship is all too common.

04.08.106

Deuce: Yeah, yeah, I'll be careful when I tie her up. The card, Charlie?

04.08.107

Charlie: But we still need it, Deuce! How can I be sure you'll help us once you've gotten it back?

04.08.108

Harvey : Indeed so, you might just Whatever the troop, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.109

Deuce: Come on, guys, if I wanted you to get into trouble I'd have abandoned you back in the alley. Oh no! I think I can hear someone coming! Better hand it over!

04.08.110

Charlie: Unlock these handcuffs at once, and then I will give you the card!

04.08.111

Deuce: Sorry, Puddin' Pop, but you know that's not going to happen. What's it to be? Either hand it over now or I'm off.

04.08.112

Charlie: [Furious] Damn you, Deuce! You'd better not abandon us! [Hands Deuce the Whatever card]

04.08.113

Austin : Excellent, now that that little lovers tiff is over, we had better get moving.

04.08.114

Deuce: [Snatches the card] Yoink! See you, suckers!

[DEUCE disappears from sight for a few seconds, only to reappear with a big grin.]

Deuce: Hehe! Just joking! [Unlocks Charlie and opens the grate] Sorry about that, Puddin' Pop!

04.08.115

Clint: [Nods.] It's just as well, really. "With great power comes great responsibility," and Deuce here is clearly much more responsible than Charlie!

04.08.116

Austin : Unfortunately true. [Sighs, briefly checks his nails]

04.08.117

Deuce: Come on, guys, I could have Whatevered you all ages ago if I wanted to. Come on, let's go fight evil! And by fight evil, I mean crack open a few beers and watch while our enemies destroy each other.

04.08.118

Harvey : As long as you have some nibbles to go with the beer, then consider us in the front row, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.08.119

Austin : Nibbles or not, it sounds like a fine plan, one of the better ones of late!

04.08.120

Clint: Let's just hope that they've bought our cunning trick with the giant golden unicorn, complete with jacuzzi, or this is not going to be nearly as awesome.

04.08.121

Alice: I think it's going to be [very stagily as she climbs up through the grate] great! [Looks puzzled at the lack of laughter from the party] Oh, sorry, I mean, I think it's going to be grate!

[Exit ALL.]

04.09.001

[Book VII, Act IV, Scene IX. Outside Joe's house. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and DEUCE are here, watching a bunch of HARMA officers haul the unicorn up to the door.]

Alice: Huh. How are we going to get in? Surely someone will spot us?

Deuce: Forget that! How is the unicorn going to fit in? It's huge! What the hell did they put in there? A jacuzzi?

04.09.002

Harvey : [Still wiping tears away after Alices joke] Well, yes they did, but were not at all happy with the end result of the jacuzzi!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.003

Charlie: [Shaking her head and wringing her hands] And, Deuce, the library! Oh, the inadequacy of it would break your heart!

04.09.004

Deuce: Were there any books in it about building things that fit through doors?

04.09.005

Charlie: Goodness, no! There were only THREE dictionaries! [Assesses the unicorn situation] Oh, dear. Perhaps we should have made some measurements and such.

04.09.006

Deuce: Yeesh, guys! I know he likes unicorns and all, but he would have to be a complete idiot to try and get that in!

[JOE appears, addressing the HARMA officers.]

Joe: Let's break down the front of the building to fit it in!

04.09.007

Harvey : Everything is going to plan!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.008

Deuce: [Genuinely impressed] Great plan, guys! What are you going to do now? Sneak in through the back while they are distracted with breaking down the front of the house?

04.09.009

Austin : [Considers his options] It may well be a good time to sneak round the back and into Joe's pink room, then hide there or search for the secret entrance to the secret chamber!

04.09.010

[The party creep around to the back of the house, to the window that they went in the last time.]

Alice: Look! Let's use this ladder! [Points to a ladder up against a nearby house]

Deuce: But it's on the ground floor.

Alice: Hey, when you sneak into someone's bedroom, you always use a ladder!

[ALICE takes the ladder and puts it up to the window, with the result that it is almost laying flat, and the start of it is almost up against the house next door.]

Alice: See? Perfect!

04.09.011

Charlie: Yes, ah, splendid! Now do move that ladder so that no one trips over it as we crawl through this window! [Tries to open the window]

04.09.012

[The window is closed and bolted from the inside.]

Alice: Oh no! How will we be able to [has to raise her voice to be heard over all the racket from the front, where someone is clearly smashing a hole in the front of the house] able to get through here without someone hearing us?

04.09.013

Harvey : [Roaring to be heard] I believe, dear niece, the sounds from the other side of the house should be enough to mask the breaking of a window!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.014

Alice: [Shouting back] What?

04.09.015

Charlie: Perhaps we'll just sneak in after the unicorn?

04.09.016

Clint: [Flexes his door-opening foot.] Windows aren't really my strong suit, but I bet I can handle this!

04.09.017

Alice: [Peers around the front] Huh! There are a bunch of guards out here, and it looks like just a few have gone in with it. We better go through the window.

04.09.018

Charlie: [To Clint] Do give it a try, and hurry!

04.09.019

[CLINT takes off his boot and uses it to smash the window.]

Alice: Ew! Put it on! Put it on!

04.09.020

Austin : {looking quite green] I believe that you have discovered something considerably more powerful than the Whatever Card, Mr Scar.

04.09.021

Alice: Maybe that's what the Whatever Card is made out of!

Clint: [Slips the shoe back on] Ah, it's how you know your feet are healthy!

04.09.022

Dur: Well at least it opened the window for us.

04.09.023

Alice: Come on, let's get in!

[ALICE climbs through the window.]

Alice: Huh, look at that. The other window was open all along! Oh well. Come on, folks!

04.09.024

Charlie: [Climbs through the window and calls back] Mr. Scar, do give the Colonel a hand, won't you?

04.09.025

Austin : [Nimbly climbs through the window] Right, let us find the secret room entrance [starts searching cupboards and floor]

04.09.026

[Soon everyone is in, searching the room frantically.]

Alice: You know, there's no guarantee that the secret entrance is in this room, is there? Maybe we should just watch where they put the unicorn?

04.09.027

Austin : [Pauses] Yes, perhaps someone that is skilled in watching should do that? [Looks at Charlie]

04.09.028

Dur: [Nods in agreement] And don't forget to take notes!

04.09.029

Deuce: [Also nods] Nor to shake that miiighty fine tush on the way.

04.09.030

Austin : No pressure then [Smirks]

04.09.031


;;; Heather's afk

Charlie: That's right, Mr. Sleaze, I have my trusty notebook, that'll accompany me instead of my fellow party members. [Goes to the door and takes a look, coming back excited] The entrance is in the hall!

04.09.032

Austin : Quickly! Let's sneak in! [Goes to the door to check that the coast is clear]

04.09.033

[The party go to the door of the room and take a look. There is a huge sliding door in the middle of the hallway, into which the unicorn is being pushed. Although there were at least twenty HARMA officers involved in bringing it from the gate, now there are just four, as well as JOE, pushing it into the opening.]

04.09.034

Harvey : Hmm, I wonder where the other guards have gone to? Lets cover our tracks, somewhat, incase they are back on patrol! [Attempts to pull the lad= der into the room]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.034

Charlie: [In a low voice] How thrilling! Everything seems to be working splendidly. Let us follow behind at a safe distance and observe!

04.09.035

[HARVEY pulls the ladder in.]

Alice: Perfect! Now even if they see us, they can't get in!

[As soon as the unicorn is through the inner (secret) door, the four HARMA officers step back quickly, and the door slams shut, leaving JOE inside.]

Alice: Gah! What the hell is he doing in there?

Deuce: This is perfect! Now he and the Swarm leaders will kill each other off!

Alice: But there's just one of him and loads of them!

Deuce: Huh. I hadn't thought of that. Hm.

04.09.036

Harvey: I have. If the room is as full of riches, as it's said, I'm expecting greed to overtake common sense, and those inside will rip each other to = pieces to be the last man standing, and have ownership of all that gold!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.037

[One of the HARMA officers spots the party, it is TED, one of JOE's sons.]

Ted: Hey! What the hell are you doing here?

04.09.037

Austin : Ever the tactical genius colonel, I hope your trainee is taking careful notes [Glances briefly at Charlie's notepad] Now, how do we get in there? And how long will it take for them to kill each other? Assuming that they are not in cahoots, that is.

04.09.038

Dur: No, what are YOU doing here? [Aside to Deuce] Now might be a good timefor some whatever magic!

04.09.039

Ted: We're fully paid up members of the Unicorn Appreciation Society -- are you?

Alice: Sure we are! [Starts chanting] U-S-A! U-S-A!

Ted: If you are, you can show us your unicorn tattoos, we all have them.

Deuce: [To Dur] Almost certainly, but, come on, surely you want to see these tattoos?

04.09.040

Austin : Indeed [Smirks. To the HARMA] You show us your tattos first, then will will know that you are truthful, and then we will show you ours.

04.09.041

[Within minutes, each of them are in various states of undress, such as pants down around the ankles, so that the party can see their tattoos.]

Ted: [Still with his pants down around his ankles] Okay, let's see yours!

Alice: [To the party] Why did he drop his pants when the tattoo is on his back?

04.09.042

Charlie: [Clearly repulsed] My, how--nice. [Blushes] Oh, I just couldn't show you mine, not with my very jealous boyfriend nearby! [Grabs Deuce's arm protectively] But I assure you, I have seen all of the tattoos of our chapter of the USA, and they are simply delightful! [Shows her notepad] I could sketch them for you, if you like?

04.09.043

Ted: First of all, it's not USA, it's UAS -- Unicorn Appreciation Society! Second, if you really are members of the UAS, then you can show us your tattoos. Right now.

04.09.044

Charlie: [To Deuce, pointedly] Why don't you go first, darling? [Casually makes the Whatever motion with her hand and tries to make it seem like she's merely stretching]

04.09.045

Harvey : [Laughs long and loud, to Ted] By the saints sir, do you think us simpletons? [Scoldingly] Oh you trickster! Only real members of the UAS kno= w that true unicorn tattoos are tattooed in magic ink, which only appear onthe Hallowed Night Of The Unicorn Horn. And this is most certainly not the= Hallowed Night Of The Unicorn Horn. So, sir, were we to show you our tattoos here and now, you would know them to be false, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.045

Deuce: Yeesh, Puddin' Pop! How about we get some of the burly fighters to knock them over the head now that they have their pants around their ankles?

Ted: What?

04.09.046

Dur: Errr..... Welll... You see... Say, does the UAS have any by-laws in regards to studying newly discovered Unicorn sculptures?


;;; Conor, is their any stone in the hall?From qvblogger

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To: Conor Ryan <conor.ryan@ul.ie>

Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>,

"Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>,

Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>,

Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>,

ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>,

MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>,

"qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com>

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

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Austin : [To Deuce] A much better plan. Mr Scar, Alice, Colonel, Mr Dur, do you stuff!


;;;awa hame

04.09.047


;;; Yes!

Alice: [To Austin] Hey! [To Deuce] You didn't mean me, did you, Deucie?

Deuce: Of course not, Alison, but you know, you might as well give one of them a push.

04.09.048

Dur: [Casts Stone Shape trying to form a statue of a unicorn in the hall behind the UAS flunkies] Look over there! Another Unicorn Statue! Whooooo!

04.09.049

Ted: [Glances around] Wow! That's great!

Alice: [Picking up a huge vase] This is getting ridic. [Hits Ted over the head with it, knocking him to the ground, causing him to knock the others over too]

04.09.050

Harvey : Ha, I like it, dear niece! Good affirmative action!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.051

Alice: [Addressing the party] Just jump in any time!

04.09.052

Charlie: [Tries to whack a guard with a chair] Indeed, let the brutality begin!

04.09.053

[CHARLIE takes out another of the guards, knocking him out cold.]

Deuce: Haw! This is great. If only we had a few more young girls, then we could really beat up these guards!

04.09.054

Austin : Brilliant! No one would believe it in a court of law, a team of highly trained HARMA agents taken out by some school girls! [Chuckles. Goes over to the door and tries to pick the lock if there is one]

04.09.055

[DOUGAL aims a kick at ALICE and knocks her down, while the other officer, GEORGE LAFORGE, slips out of his pants and starts running towards the main door.]

George: Help! Help! It's an ambush!

[AUSTIN is confronted with a seemingly featureless blank wall, with no obvious keyholes.]

04.09.056

Charlie: [Tries to throw a candlestick at George] Stop him, group!

04.09.057

Austin : [Checks the wall/door to see if it is hollow or a real wall and searches for any seams. Ponders] Unusually fine workmanship.


;;;did we see the door closing and vanishing?

04.09.058

[The door slid down, so, although the seam is apparent, it isn't clear how to open it.]

04.09.059

Austin : There must be an opening mechanism around here [Searches around for a lever or button etc] Perhaps, Mr Scar, we have finally found a door to best your boot!

04.09.060

[There is a tremendous crash from inside the secret room, sounding eerily like someone being thrown hard against the inside door.]

Deuce: [As Austin searches for the way to open the door] Holy crap! What the hell is going on in there?

04.09.061

Harvey : My best guess, troop, is that the violence has ensued!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.061

Austin : [Still searching] Grievous bodily harm, I suspect.

04.09.062

Deuce: [Looking worried as what sounds like another body is slammed against the sliding door] GBH I expected, but not this!

Alice: [Joins Austin with the searching] I can't find any switches -- just this little lever shaped like a unicorn horn.

04.09.064

Dur: Desperation suggests that perhaps you should try the lever anyway!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Sender: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.106.10 with HTTP; Wed, 20 Oct 2010 06:38:22 -0700 (PDT) Date: Wed, 20 Oct 2010 14:38:22 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com X-Google-Sender-Auth: gApXT6jc7ntMnIoJDE_rmIJ5W7U Message-ID: <AANLkTi=a43uLS81N+OCxqYoEdERw6zj_tfdux+vZQGkj@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: Here we go!

[ALICE pulls the lever, and the door starts to slowly open up. Everyone jumps back in shock when a bloody hand appears, clearly belonging to someone desperate to get out.]

Voice: Help me! Please!

04.09.066

Dur: Sorry, but my mom told me never to help strange, bloody hands...From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Sender: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.106.10 with HTTP; Wed, 20 Oct 2010 07:09:52 -0700 (PDT) Date: Wed, 20 Oct 2010 15:09:52 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com X-Google-Sender-Auth: S041KoqRG4HOd7E2bV0lZvE-NDI Message-ID: <AANLkTi=XGD5NraGW4S2p09b1RR5F9at=_0JE27PKZFs_@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

[The door slides open some more, and the person squeezes out. It is REV. WILLIAM WORSHIP.]

William: [Covered in blood] Let me out of here!

04.09.066

Austin : [Dodges swiftly away from the bloody hand] Mind where you are waving that thing, you could leave the most awful stains!

04.09.067

Charlie: [Tries to look inside] This doesn't look good, group!

04.09.068

Harvey : By the saints, [Crouches down to get a better view under the gap]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.068

[Everyone bends down to look, and jump back in unison as the tattered body of BEN BENEDICTION is thrown at them.]

William: Let me out of here! Please! I gotta get out of - [pauses] huh, that's quite nice. [Pockets a set of golden candlesticks, before getting panicky again] Help! Help! [Runs towards the front door]

[The sliding door is now about halfway up, although everyone is hanging back after BEN's body was thrown at them.]

04.09.069

Austin : What do you see? [Crouches down to look through the gap from a safe distance]

04.09.070

Alice: [Peers through too] Ew! They're all dead!

[It's difficult to tell from this distance if that's true, but there are bodies scattered all over the place, and all look like Swarm leaders, as their once white clothes are covered in blood. The door is almost all the way up now, and the party can see that the room is filled with treasure.]

04.09.071

Charlie: [Surveys the room, stunned] But--isn't this overkill, rather? [Clutching her hand to her mouth in disgust] Who did this?! Or WHAT??

04.09.072

Austin : One may have to assume that there is more to Nunpar than meets the eye. Perhaps he is some kind of monster? Or a demon?

04.09.073

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Alice: I bet he is! Remember, just before we all had the blackouts and flashforwards, that custos Clementine guy told us that hell was coming! Oh, look= , there's his body! [This is true, Joe is lying on his back with blood all over him] =

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04.09.074

Charlie: [Gasps at the sight of Joe] Then, indeed--who did this? Careful group, we are certainly not safe here. [Stoops down to look at a nearby body to ascertain the nature of the wounds]

04.09.075

[The wounds seem to be a combination of blunt instruments and swords. Itlooks like some of the treasure items were used, and that some of the Swarm= leaders were killed either by their own swords or by being thrown against the wall.]
=

04.09.076

e Swarm leaders were killed either by their own swords or by being thrown against the wall.]

Austin : [Frowns] I suspect that we have been duped. Only one person has left this room alive, and so he is our prime suspect. [Stares in the direction that William went] The good Reverend William Worship, appears to have been the Bar Reverend after all.

04.09.078

Dur: [Kneels beside the body of Joe] In my medical opinion, I would say this man is mostly dead. [Peers after William] Really? Do we really think this= was the work of one man? I thought this was our plan all along? Though I must admit me own anxiety over the fact that a plan WE came up with seemingl= y worked so well.From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Sender: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.106.10 with HTTP; Thu, 21 Oct 2010 06:30:56 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 21 Oct 2010 14:30:56 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com X-Google-Sender-Auth: aE8vOg_847Jk646XS6I2Nhj5e9Y Message-ID: <AANLkTiki0=JHOLGd_e39J3=07FBf=9AYLVRYYrJSVx==@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: I think Dur is right -- William is a scrawny guy, how on earth would he have thrown bodies around like that? [Draws her sword] But there's no one left alive, unless they're hidden in here somewhere.

[Unless they are tiny, this is highly unlikely.]

04.09.079

Charlie: [Looking around, paranoid] Or invisible, and hiding in plain sight!

04.09.079

Austin : [Looks carefully into the room, and the nearest body to see if there is anything odd about the wounds] Very strange. I guess whatever did this could be inside the unicorn.

04.09.080

Alice: [Peering into the unicorn] Nothing! It's completely empty except for half empty bottles of wine and dozens of cheeserette butts. Huh, some of them are nice and big!

[Enter CHOCO LATAY, a HARMA officer that the party dealt with some time ago, with a dozen heavily armed officers. They have WILLIAM WORSHIP in handcuffs.]

Choco: [Sees the party] Halt! You're all under arrest!

04.09.082

Choco: [To the HARMA officers] Get them!

[The HARMA officers draw their swords and start moving to block the party in.]

Alice: Deuce! Use the whatever ca- hey! Where's he gone?

[DEUCE, apparently, has slipped away.]

04.09.083

Austin : [Hurriedly] Something killed Joe Nunpar, your leader, surely it is more important that you find that! After you have grieved of course! [To Choco] You will miss him wont you?

04.09.084

Choco: You bastards! You killed Joe!

04.09.085

Charlie: No, you're not listening! It wasn't us, rather some unseen, possibly invisible, monster or some such thing!

04.09.085

Austin : No we did not, you idiot! Look at us, we are immaculately clean, have you seen the mess in there? [Points into the secret room]

04.09.086

Harvey : Indeed, fellow, we have had no part in this barbarity!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.087

Austin : I bet you are not UAS members! Show your unicorn tattoos now of face the consequences!

04.09.088

Choco: That's right. [Slashes Austin with his sword]


;;; Lose 8hp Austin

Alice: Yikes! We need to get out of here!

04.09.089

Charlie: [Throws a small table at Choco] Run, group! [Goes to help Austin out of the room]

04.09.090

Austin : [Desparately tries to get out of the room] My suit! [Stares at the blood on his hand]

04.09.091

Harvey : By the saints! [Attempts a round house kick at Choco]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.091

Alice: [Grabs a beautiful glass unicorn and holds it up] Freeze! Stop right there or the unicorn gets it!

Choco: [Holds up a hand to the other HARMA officers] Back off! That was one of Colonel Nunpar's favourites!

[The party slowly start to move out, with ALICE still holding the unicorn up.]

04.09.092

Choco: [Jumps back from Harvey] Hey! Take it easy! [Points his finger at the party accusingly] You might escape from here, but every HARMA officer in the country will be looking for you. You will have nowhere to hide, no friends, no shelter, no comfort, no nothing.

Alice: Is that his penis he's pointing at us?

Choco: That's my finger! Although, I suppose the fact that I'm sticking it through the fly of my pants is a little confusing.

04.09.093

Dur: That seems familiar. [To the party] Weren't they already looking for us?=

04.09.093

Charlie: [To Choco] What choice have we, when we are being falsely accused of so grave a crime?!

04.09.094

Clint: Yes they were -- for another crime we didn't commit! Come on, let's get the hell out of here. [Picks up a china unicorn] Back off, or the horse gets it.

Choco: That's a unicorn.

[Smash, the unicorn is thrown to the ground, as CLINT grabs another.]

Choco: Aiieee!

Clint: [To the party] Come on, out through the bedroom window.

04.09.095

Harvey : [Backing up] Damn and blast, I took in the ladder! We may be trapped!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.096

Austin : [Weakly] We dont need a ladder, we are on the ground floor! [Gracefully slips out of the window leaving a bloody trail] Wounded first!

04.09.097

Alice: [To Harvey] We may have to jump for it!

[AUSTIN gets to the window and sees that JOHN 'TERRY' O'QUINN is sitting in carriage just outside with the horses running.]

John: Need a ride?


;;; Bank holiday today, so no posting from us!

04.09.098

[JOHN revs up the horses some more.]

John: Well?

04.09.099

Harvey : How fortuitous! [To John] Indeed we do! Come on troop, lets make a leap for it!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.100

Charlie: Agreed, Colonel! [Offers Austin a hand]

04.09.101

[The party scramble onto the back of the carriage.]

Alice: How did you know we needed help?

John: The Swarm always knows. [Pause] Also, Deuce told me.

[The HARMA officers all appear at the window.]

Choco: Quick! Get a ladder!

04.09.102

Austin : We should really get some weapons. Queens View has gone terribly down hill of late.

04.09.104

Dur: The question is: Where do we get some weapons?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Sender: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.106.10 with HTTP; Tue, 26 Oct 2010 06:20:56 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 26 Oct 2010 14:20:56 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com X-Google-Sender-Auth: FrCuJZoVSeRQhqCKuk4mqv8eVjA Message-ID: <AANLkTikkmepLVvzMBAo5FBmc+Fh2CnMiGVGyA0Y4GV_m@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

John: Maybe the question should be how fast we can get out of here?

04.09.106

Dur: Or maybe it should be: Who the hell do you think you are?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Sender: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.106.10 with HTTP; Tue, 26 Oct 2010 06:45:52 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 26 Oct 2010 14:45:52 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com X-Google-Sender-Auth: ink3IOY8ynw_TFEZ57l0wA_p1SU Message-ID: <AANLkTinDTLe2==08-quhpdLrD+Nv0X4jvv3yyRdCiL9m@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

John: Okay. [Addresses the party in general, nice and calmly] Who the hell do you think you are?

[The HARMA officers put down the ladder and start climbing out.]

04.09.107

Charlie: Do let's sort this out later! [To John] We're ready! Let's go!

04.09.108

Austin : Can you not see that I am gravely wounded! This is no time for an argument, let's go!

04.09.109

Dur: Want me to take a look at it [Spits on his hands and rubs them together to clean them, only succeeding in making them worse] ?=

04.09.110

[The carriage zooms away, and the party just catch sight of JOE, appearing at the door of his house, shaking a fist at them.]

Alice: [As the carriage drives out the gate] Hey! What the hell just happened? He looked like he was dead for sure -- in fact, he was so dead that Dur probably thought he was alive!

04.09.111

Harvey : By the saints, you're right dear niece! What trickery is afoot here?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.112

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Alice: But all the Swarm guys are dead, right? --Apple-Mail-6-564612185 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 7bit

04.09.113

Clint: At this point, who knows?


;;; Good news... my brain has apparently decided to stop leaking out

of my ear.

;;; Stupid brain. Stupid ear.

04.09.114

Harvey : Have we just been duped by both the Swarm, and HARMA, troop?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.115

Clint: Ha! Those losers, dupe us? That's unpossible!

04.09.116

Charlie: [Wails] But I'm a member of GenSAG! [Explaining to Alice, modestly] Geniuses Sure Are Great, that is.

04.09.117

Harvey : [To Charlie] Good grief, are you aware that Gensag is also the Vietnumnumese word for your, ahem, rear end?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.118

Dur: Maybe it was intentional, Colonel. After all, Geniuses and Rear Ends have a lot in common. They're both Asses!

04.09.119

Clint: C'mon, doc, they prefer to be known as the northern end of a south-bound horse.

04.09.120

John: Whatever about Colonel Nunpar, all the Swarm leaders are dead.

04.09.121

Harvey : I wonder if HARMA had some sort of resurrection orb?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

04.09.122

Charlie: What a waste of an orb!

04.09.123

Alice: If they did, it sure worked fast!

[The carriage screeches to a halt outside a small house.]

John: You can sleep here for the night. I tried to make it comfortable for you. [Pause, and then adds by way of explanation] William and Ben left some alcohol and cheese behind them.

04.09.124

Charlie: That is most courteous of you. I don't suppose you could also procure weapons for us, in case we are found here?

04.09.125

John: I'll see what I can do.

[The party climb out of the carriage, and JOHN zooms off. It looks like the fire is lighting in the house.]

Alice: [Peering in the window] Hey look! There's a huge spread of food here! They've got steaks, chops, a soused pigs head, complete with apple, golden honeyed locusts, jellied eels, thrushes ankles, snakes feet, crispy popadoms and curried brussel sprouts!

04.09.126

Dur: It's an un-attended feast! Quick, lets slip in and eat all the food before anyone notices us!=

04.09.127

[Chaaaarge! The party descend on the food and gorge themselves into sleep.]


;;; End of scene.

04.10.001

[Book VII, Act IV, Scene X. The House. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and HARVEY are here, slowly waking up after having had a fantastic feed of food and a healthy portion of alcohol and cheese. Although the curtains are still closed, the party can see daylight.]

Alice: Wow. The Swarm sure now how to put on a good feed!

04.10.002

Austin : [Weakly, sitting in a chair in the corner covered in blood] Help.

04.10.003

Alice: Huh. Sorry about that, Aus, I guess you were too busy eating to clean yourself off. [Helps patch him up] You know, I can't help but feel we've had one put over on us. I was full sure that the Swarm would see through their leaders, but we're back where we started, except now all HARMA is against us and we've discovered that Joe seems to be able to come back from the dead!

04.10.005

Dur: [Crosses his fingers] Please say that this means we're leaving!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Sender: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.223.106.10 with HTTP; Wed, 27 Oct 2010 07:31:21 -0700 (PDT) Date: Wed, 27 Oct 2010 15:31:21 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com X-Google-Sender-Auth: jqVObiJgRO9B6Hgozh2kXujwnb8 Message-ID: <AANLkTim-ixL-L=6bvTS40hfH6Fd+2wOh5qtCUKJ91f96@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, ColinDinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, MadamOlivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: Too right we are! Let's go find Charlie's boyfriend, now that we have more information on the prophecy, he might be able to help us.

04.10.006

Austin : I must just get cleaned up [Goes off into the bathroom]

04.10.007

Alice: Oh, God. Now we'll be here for hours. Look, everyone, I updated my chart for all the weirdoes we've met in relation to Clementine. [Shows her chart]

04.10.007

Charlie: But how are we going to locate Pestilence? [Quickly] And he is NOT my boyfriend?!

04.10.008

Austin : [Returns, wearing a new suit. Deadpan] Aww, is he just your plaything? And you two whould have such lovely children [Casually checks his nails]

04.10.009

Alice: Let's see if we can figure out where John left us. It's kind of weird that he'd just disappear, isn't it? I wonder where all those Swarm weirdoes are. [Opens the door] Hopefully we're not too far from -- [jumps back from the door, shocked] yikes!

[Standing outside, stretching as far as the eye can see are thousands and thousands of bald headed Swarm members. When they see the door open, they all speak as one.]

Swarm: Hail to the Queens View Party! Hail to the true leaders of The Swarm!

Alice: [With a big smile to the party] Huh! Whaddya know? We're cult leaders!


;;; End of act, next one coming right up