03.01.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene I. The Magic Boxxxe. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, along with ORANGE JELLO and LEMON JELLO, who are peeping up from behind the counter.]

Alice: [Astonished] Austin? Is that really you?

03.01.002

Charlie: [To the party, cautiously] Careful, group! Mr. Sleaze would never wear that outfit, so this may well be an illusion! [To Austin] Where have you been?

03.01.003

Alice: It IS unbelievable! What happened?

03.01.004

Fred: [Stares at Austin as if trying to remember something.]

03.01.005

Harvey : By the saints, I can see now why this event was wiped from everyones memory!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.01.006

Alice: That t-shirt sure is scarier than Clementine!

03.01.007

Charlie: [Warmly] Mr. Sleaze, how marvelous to find you alive! You were most sorely missed, I assure you! [Briskly, down to business] Now, tell me, what do you remember since your untimely death? As much detail as possible, if you please! [Flips out a notepad expectantly]

03.01.008

Alice: Well, he certainly behaves like our Austin. What on earth are you doing here, Austin? Wearing [emphasis] those clothes? [Checks a nearby clock] At this time of day? [Looks at a calendar] On a week day?

03.01.009

Harvey : Well private, there are some robes I'm sure you can use! [Looks closely at Austin] Are you a zombie?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.01.010

Alice: Hang on, Aus. There's a fool proof test for this. Would you like to eat some.... brains?

03.01.011

Alice: Hm, it does sound like him, and he IS being very weasely about how he got here. [To the party] What do you think?

03.01.012

Charlie: Indeed, it must be him. [To Austin] Do please tell us what you can remember, Mr. Sleaze, and we will tell you what we know, as well!

03.01.013

Harvey : I say, this is all a bit rum and uncanny! The return of both the dastardly Trindle, and private Sleaze, all within the space of a few days?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.01.014

Alice: If that isn't rum enough, Uncle Harvey, it seems like Jerome brought Austin back! [Thoughtfully] Although by accident....

03.01.014


;;; Careful of those numbers, Dom!

Alice: Actually, Aus, it's been months! We were stuck in hell, then in some other crazy dimension, before getting back to our own time and place. And that's when it got really crazy! HARMA won an election, by a landslide!

03.01.015

Dur: Perhaps I should medically examine him... Just in case.

03.01.016

Charlie: Dur, really! He's just been brought back to life, and you would kill him again, so soon?!

03.01.016

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Austin : [To Dur] Keep your filthy hands to yourself, cannibal! [Rools his eyes] As if it isn't enough that I have no suit, the HARMA won something, it's been months, [Blinks] Months? I don't think so. How you lot been drinking again?

--001636416c450932500484d34f97

03.01.017

it's been months, [Blinks] Months? I don't think so. How you lot been drinking again?

Dur: Well he certainly SEEMS like Austin...

03.01.018

Alice: Uh, sure we've been drinking a bit, Aus, but no more than usual! Jerome is back, and we think HE brought you back to life!

03.01.019

Harvey : But not intentionally!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.01.019

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Austin : Curious. Well I guess even Jerome thinks that I am unbelievable! Anyway, where are those robes?

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Alice: [Hands over the robes] Here you go, although the people we got them from were child killing Jerome worshippers!

03.01.021

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Austin : [To Harvey] Trindle rarely does anything unintentionally. If ever. [Austin looks at the robes, then at his present attire. Sighs, strips naked and dons the robe. Looks around for a mirror]

--0016e649d7c624b2550484d40099

03.01.022

Alice: Very nice, Aus, you hardly look like a child killer at all!

03.01.023

Fred: [Suddenly snaps out of his thoughts.] Now I remember who you are! [Points at Austin accusingly] You were in my premonitions! Both of them! Gah, I'll kill you! [Raises his axe for a blow, then freezes.] No, wait. This didn't work so well last time...

03.01.024

Charlie: [Gasps and stands in front of Austin] Fred, do behave! Mr. Sleaze is a trusted companion, and I'll thank you not to attack him! Now, what did you see Mr. Sleaze do that alarms you so?

03.01.025

Fred: He was present when I died! Both times! The second time- Hey! [To Austin] Have you been going to poison me? [Adds under his breath] Yeah, I'm not clear about the tense in that utterance...

03.01.026

under his breath]=0A> Yeah, I'm not clear about the tense in that utterance...=0A=0AClint: Hey! The lawyer here may be kind of a prissy girly man, b= ut he wouldn't poison you! [Pauses to think about that.] Well, not unless you really deserved it.=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.01.027

ly deserved it.

Harvey : Indeed so, private Scar! [In a loud whisper to Fred] Just don't criticise his shoes!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.01.027

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believe we have.

--0016e65b61144bb98a0484d5a87e

03.01.028

Alice: [To Austin] This is Fred, but don't let his barbarian appearance fool you, he's really not the kind to attack people. Well, except for that guy he killed in the mental hospital, but that was almost different, [to Fred] Right?

03.01.029

ople. Well,=0A> except for that guy he killed in the mental hospital, but that was=0A> almost different, [to Fred] Right?=0A=0AClint: Hey, nothing wro= ng with a little random pointless violence. It's gotten us this far, hasn't it? =0A=0A=0A

03.01.030

Fred: [Lowers his axe and glares at Austin.] Hrm. I shall refrain from destroying you now... Sleaze, was it? But only because the last time I tried to escape my premonition by murdering the one who would kill me only made my death even more ignominious. And I'm not eating anything you've been close to! And if you have a book titled "Tabula Rasa," you keep it away from me!

03.01.031

Alice: Hang on sec -- Austin kills you in your premonition?

03.01.032

] You've *got* to be kidding! By the way, lawyer, nice to have you back again. [Realizes the impact this might have on his image.] Uh, I guess, anyw= ay.=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.01.033

izes the impact this might have on his image.] Uh, I guess, anyway.

Fred: Well... He doesn't kill me DIRECTLY. But he was present in the first dream, and in the updated one, I'm talking to him, then I eat a sandwich and die. So it would seem that he poisoned me. Unless... [glares at Alice now] it was you. You were there too.

03.01.034

Harvey : [Suddenly laughs long and loud] Dear me! Alice making a sandwich! [Stops laughing abruptly and looks serious] It was not my niece, do you hea= r me!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.01.035

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Austin : [Looking at Fred. To the party] So you found him in a mental institution? [Ponders] Don't you think you should take him back?

--0016e6db29b5367cc20484e2f288

03.01.036

Alice: They wouldn't take him, not after he killed that guy and we locked the doctor in a cell. And actually, we found him at a conference, about Science and Stuff.

03.01.037

Harvey : By the saints, don't remind me of that, dear niece! That horrendous speach! How could something so insufferably tedious have carried on for s= uch an interminably long time, what!

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03.01.038

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Austin : [Smirks] Being present at a scientific conference is not mutually exclusive with being an insane murderer.

--0016e6d464ccfe355e0484e5083a

03.01.039

Fred: I'm not insane! Murderer, sure, but everyone here had a premonition of their death, just like me. Well except for Dur, so that would make him insane, as compared to the majority.

03.01.040

Alice: [Nods] He's right, Aus. Everyone in the whole world blacked out for a few minutes. Most had very vivid dreams about their deaths, although some weirdoes had none. It seems like if you do something to stop your death, like killing a person who's supposed to be there, it happens even sooner! We're pretty sure that this was caused by Clementine, who, it turns out is a real person. We, uh, we might have killed her husband, but he was a demon.

03.01.041

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Austin : [Sighs, looking at his robes] Well at least you didn't kill a taylor. There never seem to be enough of them around.

--00163641715550ef480484e5311c

03.01.042

Charlie: Yes, it's all very distressing, but more importantly WHY have you been brought back from the dead? Why were you what Dr. Trindle envisioned? [Confidentially] Did the two of you have a [finger quotes] special relationship?

03.01.043

Alice: Pearse seemed to think that Jerome had the orbs working to bring back the thing he wanted most in the world, but then became enraged when Aus appeared.

03.01.044

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Austin : [Sighs] He must have wanted the most beautiful human being that ever lived, he was obviously under the false impression that that was someone other than me.

--0016e6d785452446b70484e59bfc

03.01.045

Alice: Sure. That must be it.

03.01.046

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Austin : [Sighs] Poor deranged Trindle.

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03.01.047

Alice: No matter, all's well that end's well! [Thinks for a moment] Other than the fact that Jerome and Clementine are somewhere on earth, that everyone on the planet is going to die a horrible death, that HARMA are in power, that those Swarm crazies think they are the chosen ones, and that we're probably wanted for murder.

[There is a knock on the shop door (which was locked after the party came in).]

03.01.048

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Austin : [To Alice] Are you expecting anyone? [Frowns] Or is it more a case of, 'is there anyone who is not after you'?

--0016e65aee52b9377d0484e5ed19

03.01.049

Charlie: Just in case, it's best not to answer! [To Lemon] Have you a back exit?

03.01.050

Lemon: Sure, but if you people really are running from all those people, there's no way we're going to help you. And you'll never guess where the exit is, not in a million, billion years.

Alice: [To the party] I bet it's at the back.

Lemon: Sonofa! [Calms down] I mean, no.

03.01.051

Harvey : Quickly troop, to the back! [Bows to Lemon] Always a pleasure, butwe must be away, forthwith.

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03.01.052

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Austin : We don't even know who it is yet!

--0016e6d7f0b0f78a570484e61427

03.01.053

Alice: That's precisely why we need to run away screaming!

03.01.054

Harvey : Indeed so! Look what happened when we answered the last bout of knocking!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.01.055

Fred: Actually, knowing our luck, it's probably someone from HARMA, and I've had quite enough of them. Considering that everyone gets a hissy-fit whenever I kill someone, evasion is our only option.

03.01.056

Lemon: [Calls out] Help! Help! They're in here!


;;; Gone for the weekend! Back on Monday.

03.01.057

Harvey : [To Lemon] Hush now! You don't know whats knocking! It might be far, far worse than you can imagine. Perhaps you both would be better off hiding while we make our exit.

03.01.058

Charlie: Quite so, Colonel! These are dangerous times! [To the party] Quickly, group! Let us make our exit.

03.01.059

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Austin : [To Charlie] Are they ever not dangerous times? [Sighs]

--0016e6dab544a4d5e30485214df6

03.01.060

Lemon: Help! Help!

[Exit the party out the back.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

03.02.001

[Book VII. Act III. Scene II. An Alleyway. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, having just exited the magic shop. It is the stereotypical sleazy alleyway, complete with dumpsters and suspicious looking steam coming from the ground.]

Alice: [Looks around the alleyway] Ah, this brings back happy memories.

03.02.002

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Austin : Why dont we do a nostalgia tour for Alice, we could go to the STD clinic next. [Smirks]

--0016367b64debae7b1048521d7f5

03.02.003

Alice: That shows what you know, Aus, it was the stomach pumping that came n- [breaks off] Hey! What are you talking about?

03.02.004

Harvey : [Coughs loudly] Right troop, let us clear out of the area, for I'm sure it won't take too long for whoever was at the door to figure out where we went!

03.02.005

[Enter JIM POINDEXTER, a man with an unfeasibly geeky beard and lots of pens.]

Jim: There are two ways, north, which seems to lead to a busy street, and south, which quickly turns to the east. Of course, you could also go back to the shop.

03.02.006

Harvey : [Draws his sword] Who are you sir, and what is your business here?

03.02.007

Jim: [Ignoring Harvey] There seems to be a sound coming from the south.

[Enter GENESIS, coming around the corner from the south.]

03.02.007

Charlie: Yes, and why have you that silly beard?

03.02.008

Charlie: [Cautiously, to Genesis] Why are you here?

03.02.009

Genesis: To kill all of you.

Alice: What about him? [Points to where Jim was] Hey! Where's he gone?

03.02.010

Dur: Don't you think that is a bit rash?

03.02.011

Genesis: [Shrugs] I suppose. If it's any consolation, I'll do it really slowly.


;;; Valur is away today

Fred: [Draws his axe] I'm sick of this guy, let's cut him up.

03.02.012

Harvey : Indeed private! [Moves towards Genesis]

03.02.012

0A> Fred: [Draws his axe] I'm sick of this guy, let's cut him up.=0A=0AClint: Ha! [Whips out his sword.] I'm with you, Fred!=0A=0A=0A

03.02.013

[Enter LEVITICUS and EXODUS, standing beside GENESIS, the former of whom is holding PRINCESS.]

Genesis: Silly boys!

03.02.014

Harvey : Hmm, troop! I think a strategic withdrawal to the north of the alley is called for! [Harvey will attempt to push a dumpster towards the 3]

03.02.015

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Austin : Strategic brilliance, colonel! [Legs it]


;;;awa hame

--001636417155c3ff1a048525c17f

03.02.016

[The dumpster easily slides, and careers towards the three, while the party turn and run. Just as they get to the main street, a carriage comes screeching to a halt in front of them. Sitting inside is SHELDON PARSONS.]

Sheldon: [With a big cheesy grin] Get in, gang!

03.02.016

Charlie: [Coos at Princess] Hello, precious! [Shakes her head violently then cries] Do stop distracting me with that adorable creature! [Tries to help Harvey with the dumpster]

03.02.016

to help Fred cover the party's retreat.]=0A=0A=0A

03.02.017

Sheldon: Quick! They won't be held off by that dumpster for too much longer!

03.02.018

Dur: [Dives in] Quick, get us away from here and into the nearest pizza parlor!

03.02.019

Sheldon: [Does a double take] I beg your pardon!

Alice: [Leaps in] You heard him. Pizza, and no damned anchovies either!

03.02.020

Harvey: [Leaping in besides Alice] Chop chop, kind sir! To the Pizzeria and don't spare the horses! Mmmm, horse pizza.

03.02.020

Charlie: What a marvelous idea! I'm positively famished. Do let's go and have pizza at once!

03.02.021

Sheldon: The pizzeria? But what about escaping and making for the hills to regroup and make plans?

03.02.022

Harvey : And where better to regroup and make plans than over a hot, just out of the oven, juicy pizza!

03.02.023

Sheldon: Uh, anywhere? You are all wanted for murder and kidnapping you know!

03.02.024

Harvey : Then perhaps it would be wise for you to do as we ask!

03.02.025

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Austin : [Nods in agreement] You do not want us to be wanted for Sheldon beating too! [Leans over to Harvey] Who the hell is he?

--0016e6d7ec6cd181fa04853297fe

03.02.026

Sheldon: [Looks momentarily startled, but then gives a smile] Oh, you guys! [To Austin] I am Dr. Sheldon Cooper, best friend of the party. And you are?

03.02.027

Charlie: This is our long-time associate, Mr. Austin Sleaze. Do let's get to know one another over a delicious pizza!

03.02.028

Sheldon: Now, really? Is this some sort of joke on the new guy? Pizza? Really?

Alice: Pizza? For God's sake, Sheldon! We need to get the hell out of here!

03.02.029

Harvey : Honestly sir, is the seriousness of the situation not clearly evident! Here we are, fleeing for our very lives, and you're here blathering ab= out pizza! By the saints, go, go go!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.02.030

Sheldon: But- but- you're the ones who wanted pizza!

[GENESIS and EXODUS appear, the latter of whom fires a crossbow bolt that thuds into the carriage.]

Sheldon: [Screams like a girl] Oh no! This is my mother's carriage! She'll kill me!

03.02.031

Charlie: That is precisely why you must focus on fleeing and cease this absurd talk of pizza!

03.02.032

Harvey : Indeed so! Come sir, chop chop, or your mother will have even moredamage to scream about!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.02.032

Sheldon: Oh for pity's sake!

[SHELDON floors the accelerator, and the horses zoom off, leaving GENESIS and company in their dust. He speeds down a dark alleyway and into a small garage.]

Sheldon: Wow! That was exciting! Lucky that your best friend Sheldon was on hand, eh?

03.02.033

Fred: And yet again, our noble heroes valiantly flee from battle. Sigh. Let's find a pizzeria and suffocate my shame.

03.02.034

Sheldon: [A little frustrated] Please! [Calms down] Look, I made a chart to help us figure out what is going on. It has pictures of all the [glances at Austin] most of the suspicious characters we've met, and how they relate to each other. [Holds up a bulletin board] See?


;;; I'll update the bulletin board as things progress, but for now

hover over a picture or a connection

;;; to get more details. The post it note links aren't done yet, but

I'll let everyone know as soon

;;; as they are.

03.02.035

Charlie: How marvelous! This will make a splendid visual supplement to my book on this very subject. Not to worry, I shall mention you in the acknowledgments, toward the end.

03.02.036

Sheldon: Perhaps you would be better served to mention me in the references, as I'm sure your book will borrow heavily from my own.

03.02.037

Harvey : [Loud whisper to Sheldon] Just don't attend her presentation of the book! [Gives a big theatrical yawn]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.02.038

Sheldon: [Guffaws] Oh, come now, Harvey, I bet it would be just great. [Beams at the party] You guys! You sure are super fun to be around!

03.02.039

Dur: If this is your kind of fun, then we must schedule you for surgery to remove the part of you that seeks danger and death.

03.02.040

Sheldon: [Holds a hand up to Dur] Oh no, my friend. Danger and death are part and parcel of being a physicist!

Alice: [Examining the board] Surely your picture should be on this too, Shelly?

Sheldon: It certainly is! [Turns the board around revealing a huge photo of him] It's me with my autographed napkin from the actor who played Spoctor Dock on Shoe Trek!

03.02.040

Charlie: [To Sheldon] Could you take us somewhere safe so that we might discuss our situation more comfortably? We surely cannot spend all night fleeing.

03.02.041

Harvey : Indeed, the cadet is quite correct! Mush, fellow, mush! Any suggestions of where we could hide in relative safety?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.02.042

Sheldon: The garage in which we are currently located provides, I can assure you, adequate protection. We can discuss strategy here in safety. There is virtually no change, and I say this with a high degree of confidence, that anyone undesirable will find us here. In fact, I would go far as to suggest that yes, God Himself couldn't find us here.

03.02.043

Charlie: [Panicked] Oh, dear! Now we MUST leave, at once! Studies have proven that mocking the fates can only result in a sudden downturn of fortunes!

03.02.044

Sheldon: Now, Charlie, really? As a scientist, you should know that any such studies are merely--

[The garage door is pulled open. There, armed to the teeth with swords and molotov cocktails are LEVITICUS, EXODUS and GENESIS. It is clear that the only way out of the garage through them.]

Sheldon: [Takes a look at them] Huh. Of course, there is such a thing as coincidence, you know.

03.02.045

Fred: So what now? A daring escape through the walls? [Draws his axe] Or a more satisfying spilling of blood?

03.02.046

t: Blood it is!=0A=0A=0A;;; If the carriage is turned around, Clint will whack a horse with the =0A;;; flat of his blade so that it runs over the Pent= ateuch gang!=0A=0A=0A

03.02.047


;;; Kevin is out for the next few days

Dur: [Terrified] Blood? No! No! No, no, no!

[Alas, the horses are facing inwards.]

Sheldon: [Frantically trying to start the horses] It's no good! I can't them going!

[GENESIS lobs his Molotov cocktail onto the roof of the carriage, and it immediately catches fire.]

Sheldon: Oh no! My mother is going to be pissed!

03.02.048

Harvey : [Draws his sword] Well troop, looks like there is only one thing for it! [Moves towards the entrance]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.02.049

Alice: Oh, crap. Let's go! [Draws her sword and opens the door on her side]

[Both HARVEY and ALICE discover at the same time that the carriage is too wide for either door to open, and that the party is effectively trapped in the carriage.]

03.02.050

Charlie: [To Sheldon, triumphantly] What did I tell you?! Thanks to your careless boasting, we are all doomed! Ha!

03.02.050

Fred: Yes! I haven't killed anyone in days! Hey, what's holding you up?

03.02.051

an't get it started and the roof, the roof, the roof is on fire! Off hand,I'd say it's time to panic!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.02.052

Alice: [Bangs the door repeatedly against the wall of the garage, before turning to Fred] We're stuck! [To Clint] I think you might be right!

Sheldon: [Wincing every time Alice bangs the door] Alice! Please! Paintwork chips, you know!

[The roof is now burning quite well, and more flames swell up around the carriage as another cocktail strikes the carriage]

03.02.053

nk you might be=0A> right!=0A> =0A> Sheldon: [Wincing every time Alice bangs the door] Alice! Please!=0A> Paintwork chips, you know!=0A> =0A> = A0 [The roof is now burning quite well, and more flames swell up=0A> around the carriage as another cocktail strikes the carriage] =0A=0AClint: [To Fr= ed] Looks like we'll have to cut our way out through the burning roof! Haw! This brings back memories of my 6th birthday party!=0A=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.02.054

Sheldon: Actually, I think you'll find that it was due to my careless driving!

Jim: [Who has suddenly appeared sitting in the carriage] Aw, crap, hang on, hang on.

03.02.055

Austin : What the hell is going on? Driver! Reverse! Reverse!


;;; busy day!

03.02.056

Fred: [Stares at Jim for a moment] What the- How- Who- Ah I'll think about it later. [Uses his axe to try and puch a hole through the roof.]

03.02.057

le through the roof.]=0A=0AClint: [To Jim.] Hey, if you get in here, can you get us out of here? [Helps Fred ruin the carriage further.] =0A=0A=0A;;; = And I'm off. Flying to sunny LA tomorrow morning for my brother's =0A;;; wedding Saturday, back Sunday night, probably nothing from me until =0A;;; M= onday.=0A=0A=0A

03.02.058

[FRED and CLINT burst through the roof, sending everyone except JIM diving for cover.]

Jim: Just give me a second.

[Another Molotov cocktail hits, and the whole carriage explodes.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!

03.03.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene III. The Carriage. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, HARVEY and FRED are here, with SHELDON driving off at speed, leaving GENESIS in its dust.]

Sheldon: Wow! That was exciting! Lucky that your best friend Sheldon was on hand, eh?

Alice: [Looks around, confused] Huh? Did anyone else think we were just about to burn to death?

03.03.002

Fred: Ah, it has finally happened. I have lost my mind- wait [Looks at Alice] Do you remember this carriage being on fire, too?

03.03.003

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : [Catching his breath] Yes, I was firmly of the impression that I was about to burn to death, once again. [Sighs] What the heck is going on? What happened to the fire?

--0016e6d99cd735d0fe04853b5bc0

03.03.004

Alice: Me too!

Sheldon: Fire? In this carriage? Now, really? Is this some sort of joke on the new guy? First you all talk about pizza, and now this mysterious fire?

03.03.005

Charlie: Surely you cannot be serious! I would never discuss eating pizza, unless it were the punch-line to some absurd joke! One prefers one's meats, breads, cheeses, and vegetables served separately, as do most refined people.

03.03.005

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : [To Sheldon] A moment ago your carriage was awash with fire, and we were about to die. Didn't you see that?

--0016e6d64544695f43048547acef

03.03.006

Alice: [To Charlie] But slap them on a massive, cheese-injected doughy base, grease 'em up and swallow them whole, and it makes you feel so ... [squirms at the thought] dirty!

Sheldon: You most certainly did! And while I don't mind you calling me Shelly, I draw the line at Shirley! [To Austin] A moment ago you weren't even in the carriage!

03.03.007

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : [To Sheldon] A moment ago you did not exist. Aren't moments wonderful things. [Sighs] So, pizza. Let's go.

--0016e65424f860be7b04854892c3

03.03.008

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

Harvey : I say, what the blue blazes is going on here?

________________________________ Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

--_000_B934E39ABDD3B145B6E31161FB0920B005701666srvadmexch01V1C_

03.03.009

Alice: And where on earth are Clint and Dur??

03.03.012

Alice: Actually, things have been really calm, and you didn't kill him, you just angered him up. It's weird, Seth became Phili and Phili became Seth after that. Turns out Seth was kind of a cool guy, and also, his angels had much funner outfits!

Sheldon: [Appalled] You're saying that God became the devil, and the devil became God?

Alice: You know, I'm not sure they even are God and the devil. I mean, they were just ordinary people until they found the Heart of the Beast, right?


;;; She's referring to Book IV, Act V, when the party travelled back in time and

;;; met Seth and Phili as ordinary men.

03.03.013

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Austin : Well, that is a bit of a relief, I really didn't want to kill him, but there was no other choice at the time. So is Phili evil now or do you mean that he is good again?

--0016e656b5987444bb04854a8676

03.03.014

Content-Type: text/plain; charset="iso-8859-1" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable

u mean that he is good again? Harvey : That, private, would be an ecumenical matter.

________________________________ Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

--_000_B934E39ABDD3B145B6E31161FB0920B00570166Asrvadmexch01V1C_

03.03.015

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : Indeed. So is he friend or foe, or are we undecided?

--0016e6dab6dc14941504854b9bf9

03.03.016

Alice: It's really quite simple, Aus. Seth was Bjorseth Bjorsethsen and Phili was Aphi Liburni. We travelled back in time and saw the Heart, which is like a seed from which all life on earth comes, even though it also seems to inevitably destroy the very world it created, except for ours, because it's such a place of balance. Anyway, the Heart turned Bjorseth evil and Aphi good, and they changed their names to Seth and Phili. There was a huge war, with each of them creating armies of angels, that kind of ended in a draw. Phili's ones were all holier than thou and looked down on everyone, especially his followers -- actually, their crazy rules were a bit like HARMA's ones -- while Seth's were all kind of cool and had a live and let live attitude. It all came to a head when we helped depose Phili, who had become corrupted by power, and then Seth, now wiser because of his ill conceived and damaging war with Phili, and surrounded by angels who actually cared about people, took over. Then Seth became known as Phili and Phili as Seth. Oh, and we think Pestilence was one of Phili's angels, called Pan, and that he was key to defeating Phili, that is, the old, corrupt Phili. [Thinks for a moment] Hey! That's not simple at all!

03.03.017

Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : So, Bjorseth is Phili and Aphi is Seth?

--0016e6d6455873154a04854c25c1

03.03.018

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Harvey : Indeed, but Bjorseth is also Seth and Aphi is Phili! [Scratches ata sideburn] By the saints, this religion thing is mightily confusing! I wi= sh poor old sister Chastity or Immaculata were here to set us right!

________________________________ Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

--_000_B934E39ABDD3B145B6E31161FB0920B005701670srvadmexch01V1C_

03.03.018

Charlie: Precisely so, but it is far more complicated than that. [Pulls out a huge stack of notebooks] Here are a few of the notes I made on the ramifications of this quite unexpected development! You might read through them to get yourself up to speed.

03.03.018

Fred: [Stares at Alice, then at the rest of the party] Who ARE you people?

03.03.019

Austin : [Laughs gleefully] Colonel, that has to be one of the finest deadpan moments yet! [Recovers. Muses] I wonder what Peter is up to. [Looks at Fred] Who is he?

03.03.020

Alice: [Looks from Austin to Fred] Yeesh! You met each other back at the shop! This is Austin [points to Austin] and this is Fred [points to Fred] Have you forgotten?

Sheldon: In the same egregious way that everyone forgot that pizza discussion, perhaps?

03.03.021

Charlie: Group, we are forgetting again! We must develop a system to remind ourselves of what we have forgotten, so that we might become further confused! [Flips out a notebook] Now, what is the significance of this pizza?

03.03.022

Harvey : What pizza?

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03.03.023

Charlie: [Exasperated] How should I know? You are the one who mentioned it!

03.03.024

Alice: Pizza. An oven-baked, flat, disc shaped bread usually topped with tomato sauce and mozzarella and then a selection of meats, salamis, seafood, cheeses, vegetables and herbs depending on taste and culture. Usually consumed while watching movies, writing computer code or in the morning, when hungover or just plain crazy.

03.03.025

Harvey : Can you get ones with a generous topping of snakes feet, dear niece?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.03.026

Fred: Has everyone forgotten about the whole carriage being on fire? We need to find Clint and Dur so we can do it again, to see if the sequence of events will repeat itself.

03.03.027

Austin : Why on earth would we want to find those two unwashed, uncouth vagabonds? I personally find the fresh air rather pleasant.

03.03.028

Charlie: [Appalled] We wish to find them for the same reasons we would wish to find your noxiously perfumed person! The party must stay together, of course.

03.03.029

Harvey : Well spoken dear girl! Well said! [To Austin] You there, hear her!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.03.030

Clint: Yeah, lawyer! You wouldn't believe the lengths we went to in order to get your skinny ass back!

Dur: There were lots!

[Everyone does a double take on CLINT and DUR, who are sitting there calmly.]

03.03.031

Harvey : I say, where did you two blighters go? [Emphasises] Some of us were quite concerned!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.03.032

Austin : [Rolls his eyes] Do we really want to know what those two get up to in private? I certainly don't! [Grimaces at the thought]

03.03.033

[CLINT and DUR give each other a curious look.]

Clint: What the hell are you talking about, lawyer? We were here all along. Blah blah blah, Peter is great, blah blah blah, Maplin is great. Sound familiar?

03.03.034

Charlie: [Startled] But I'm afraid you were not always there, not that we could see! [To Dur, scolding] And I thought I told you to wear your little bell all the time! Really, how are we to keep track of you without it?!

03.03.034

Austin : Methinks he dost protest too much. [Checks his nails casually]

03.03.035

Dur: I sold it to buy food!

Sheldon: What on earth are you talking about? They were here all along!

03.03.036

Harvey : They were most certainly not! After the coach was set on fire and we found ourselves suddenly sitting here, they were absent!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.03.037

Austin : And besides, I have not mentioned Maplin since you released me from the cellar. You have not deserved it.

03.03.038

Clint: Look, Lawyer, the truth is I wasn't even listening to you, it was just a safe bet that you would mention it!

03.03.039

Charlie: Boys, do be quiet! We are clearly experiencing some group hallucination, or further effects of the memory-loss spell! This is no time for your usual nonsense.

03.03.039

Austin : Ooh, we, that is fine then. As long as you are not delusional or hallucinating, we are probably okay.

03.03.040

Dur: Oh, I'm delusional alright. [Waves out the window at some imaginary fans] Yes, yes, thank you for those Nobble Peace prizes, thank you, thank you.

Sheldon: We better get off the street. I have the perfect hiding place. [Speeds down a dark alleyway]

03.03.041

Harvey : Hold your horses there, fellow! If this perfect hiding place is your shed, then we must most certainly not go there!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.03.042

Sheldon: My shed? Of course not, Colonel! Why, this carriage would barely fit in there! In fact, I bet we couldn't even get the doors open!

03.03.043

Fred: Yes we need to go to the shed! We have to examine what happened more thoroughly and perform experiments!

03.03.044

[The carriage pulls into a garage, which is considerably bigger than the last one.]

Sheldon: [Brightly] Ta-da!

03.03.045

Fred: Fine. The recent event shall remain a mystery forevermore, then. [Crosses arms and sulks]

03.03.046

Sheldon: Uh, o-kay! Look, this will brighten you up, Fred, [takes out the bulletin board that the party saw the last time around] See? It's all the suspicious characters that have cropped up in relation to Clementine!

03.03.047

Austin : How long have you all been getting these premonitions? [Looks between the party members]

03.03.048

Charlie: [To Austin] It's only begun just recently. [To Sheldon] Yes, you've showed us that already, I'm afraid. [Adds casually] You, er, promised I could use it in my book, along with your notes, as you said your book wasn't really coming together.

03.03.049

Sheldon: [Does a quadruple take] I - uh - huh - uh, what? That certainly doesn't sound like something I would say!

03.03.050

Harvey : Perhaps, but it was indeed something you said! [Gives a big theatrical wink to Charlie]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.03.051

Charlie: [Beams at Harvey] Indeed! [To the party] Now, group, we must try to piece together what has just happened. [Looks around] Is everyone here at the moment?

03.03.052

Sheldon: But, [thinks hard] maybe in some sort of crazy alternate dimension, in which I am not a genius? [Shakes his head] Impossible!

Alice: [Looks around] We certainly are. What the hell is going on?

03.03.053

Charlie: I'm not altogether certain, but it does seem we've had some difficulty keeping track of one another since we rejoined Sheldon. [Narrows her eyes at Sheldon] Have you been tampering with the fabric of time recently?

03.03.054

Fred: [Narrows his eyes at Sheldon as well and cracks his knuckles] I hate it when people do that.

03.03.055

Sheldon: [Looking worried] Well, not recently!

Alice: [Aggressively] Not recently from your point of view as an observer central to a flow of time and therefore occupying a timeline independent to that of the rest of the world or not recently from an absolute flow of time as observed by the aggregate population?

Sheldon: [Thinks for a moment] Both!

Alice: Oh, fair enough then.

[The whole room is suddenly lit up with a blinding white light that disappears again almost as quickly. When it's gone, everything seems to be as it was.]

03.03.056

Charlie: What was that?! Is everyone still here? What were we just discussing? Sheldon's failed attempts to tamper with the fabric of time, thus proving his ineptitude as a scientist?

03.03.057

[Everyone is still here.]

Sheldon: Hey! No we weren't!

Alice: Huh, I guess someone has been messing with the fabric of time. I mean, if he doesn't remember that, he probably doesn't remember not having any pants on for a while either.

Sheldon: Eeek!

03.03.058

Harvey : [Loudly to Sheldon] You sir, stop messing with fabric, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.03.059

Alice: [Throws her hands up in the air] How many more times do you have to say that, Harvey? When, oh when will he start paying attention?

Sheldon: Gibber! That's the first time he said it!

03.03.060

Harvey : Wrong sir! It was the eighteenth! I've been keeping count, becauseyou keep on messing with that fabric! [Looks down] At least this time you'= re not wearing those high heeled shoes!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.03.061

Sheldon: [Horrified] The red ones?

03.03.062

Austin : Are we still going for Pizza, or is that off for now?

03.03.063

Sheldon: [Flabbergasted] Oh, now, really!

Alice: We already had the pizza, Aus, remember?

Sheldon: Pizza? In my mother's carriage? Say it isn't so!

[There's another flash of that bright light again, and once again it disappears.]

03.03.064

Austin : [Haughtily] I certainly did not have pizza, not in my perceived time line at any rate [casually checks his nails]

03.03.065

Harvey : [Stomach rumbles massively] Well, I certainly don't feel like I'vehad pizza!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.03.066

Alice: [Sulkily] I didn't get any pizza!

Sheldon: Please! I'll get pizza for everyone once we've settled this, [holds a hand up to Austin] but not for anyone who doesn't want it. What is that awful flashing light?

03.03.067

Dur: Perhaps we are dead and the light is the heavenly there-after? [Looks suddenly nervous] I hope they haven't been keeping good records....

03.03.068

Alice: I hope they have. If we're there for all eternity they better have some good tunes!

[The light flashes again.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

03.03.10

Charlie: [Gasps] An excellent question! [Calls out] Dur! I have a shiny copper for you if you come out of hiding!

03.04.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene IV. The Rumpus Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, sitting around a table with JIM POINDEXTER at the head of it. Each of the party look quite different now. ALICE is dressed like a reject from a 1980s dance video, complete with legwarmers, AUSTIN is wearing same plastic armour and has a chicken under his arm, CHARLIE looks very withdrawn and mousy, CLINT supremely geeky, complete with glasses and polyester suit, DUR appears to be a scrawny, pimple infected teenager, HARVEY really rather fabulous, with an velvet smoking jacket and extravagant silk scarf, and FRED is significantly older, with a nice tidy haircut and bland suit on. JIM is dressed as he was when the party first saw him.]

Jim: Wow! Man! That was like, intense! Did you see those lights? Like, wow! That... was... wow!

03.04.002

Charlie: [Looks at Austin] Mr. Sleaze, what ARE you wearing? And what is that creature?!

03.04.003

Alice: Hey! Isn't that the-

[ALICE is interrupted by another blinding light.]


;;; End of scene!

03.05.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene V. The Carriage. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, along with SHELDON, sitting as they had before.]

Sheldon: What the? What just happened?

03.05.002

Fred: Did we just have a glimpse into our future? I felt... old... and I don't know whether that's a good or a bad thing.

03.05.003

Alice: And your hair was really short -- and there was a whole pile of pizza too!

03.05.004

Austin : I wanted pizza, but I did not get any. I do not wear plastic armor and see no reason why I would even pick a chicken up, let alone carry on around. [Looks concerned] Anyone could tell you that that was not real. Even if the carriage was on fire, but is not anymore. How long was I dead for?

03.05.005

Last from dom 4

Alice: A few months in this time, but about a year altogether, what with all the time spent in hell and what not.

03.05.006

Harvey : It certainly has been eventful, dearest niece! I say though, what were those damned odd clothes you were wearing?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.05.006

Last from dom 5

Austin : [Dispondently] How was hell? Do they have any good taylors there yet?

03.05.007

Last from Colin and dom 6

On 30 Apr 2010, at 12:26, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com> wrote:

Alice: I don't know, Harvey, but my legs sure were warm. Your clothes were a little Stephen like, didn't you think? [To Austin] Not really, but all the devils were very well dressed.

[The light flickers again.]

03.05.008

Charlie: Not again!

On Apr 30, 2010, at 12:38 PM, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> wrote:

03.05.008

Fred: [Flinches] Don't-make-me-old-again!

03.05.009

Harvey : [Flinches] Don't make me Hitchberg like again!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.05.010

Austin : So what Path stuff has happened in the past year? [Looks for flickering lights] That's what this is all about is it not?

03.05.011

Alice: Actually, Aus, we've hardly heard anything about it, we were in hell most of the time! [Holds a hand up to block her eyes from the light] I hope this doesn't go on too much lo-


;;; End of scene!

03.06.001

Harvey : [Looks down at his jacket] Gah! I've been Hitchberged again, what! [To Jim] You there, what are you about?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene VI. The Rumpus Room. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and FRED are here, appearing as they did the last time, i.e. different to their normal selves. Also here is JIM, who's gathering up papers and putting them into a steel briefcase.]

Jim: Oh, man! I just can't wait until next time!

03.06.003

Dur: [Popping an extra large pimple on his face] And do you have any acne cream?

03.06.004

Alice: [Ducking to avoid a spray from Dur] Ew! Hey! Watch it!

Jim: I'm about ten minutes late! I wish I could stay and chat with you, but I have to go. Someone else has the room booked.

03.06.004

Charlie: [Ducking to miss the acne geyser] Dur, watch where you are aiming!

03.06.005

Fred: [Unsuccessfully tries to wipe a spatter of acne off his suit.] I want to go back.

03.06.006

Harvey : I agree with you whole heartedly! [To Jim] Where are we, exactly?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.007

Jim: In the rumpus room of Shangri-La apartments, where else?

[Enter DAN GORMLESS and IVAN SEMENKIC. Both men in their early twenties, the first wearing a suit and the other dressed as a sailor.]

Ivan: [To the party] Not cool! Not cool! You're fifteen minutes over! [Looks at the table in front of the party] Cool, pizza! Can I have some?

[IVAN picks up a slice from remains of one of the pizzas in front of the party.]

03.06.007

Austin : Why don't we get out of this room and find out! [Tries to leave the room]

03.06.008

Ivan: Yeah, what don't you do that? Hey! Queens View!

[AUSTIN opens the door to reveal a larger room with drab furniture and strange, recessed lights.]

03.06.009

Austin: Not the most salubrious of venues. [To Harvey] Shall we explore a little colonel?

03.06.010

Dan: Hey! Who's Austin?

03.06.011

Austin : I am. [Pauses] Why do you ask?

03.06.012

Dan: [With a big smile] I was Austin! That was really fun!

03.06.013

Ivan: Especially that part where he and Charlie get together when they kill Phili, that was really cool! [Does a porn movie noice] Baum-chooka-baum!

03.06.014

Austin : [Looks worried] Did you catch it on film?

03.06.015

Charlie: [Horrified] You saw no such thing!

03.06.016

Ivan: Of course not, but it would be a great film, wouldn't it? [To Charlie] Who were you?

03.06.017

Charlie: What do you mean? Who was I when?!

03.06.018

Ivan: [Looks puzzled] In the game!

03.06.019

Charlie: What game?

03.06.020

Austin : They seem to think that we have been playing other characters in a game. [To Charlie] Does that ring any bells? I was dead as far as I know.

03.06.021

Ivan: Exactly! [Finger quotes] Austin here is right. [Holds up a book with The Heart on the cover, with the title "The Queens View Affair"] It was a right laugh. [To Austin] If you were dead then you weren't playing it right, mate. Surely you killed Jerome when he tried to kill Lucy on your wedding day? That was when you got all his power and became a God, bringing Lucy back to life and having a dozen of the handsomest children ever.

03.06.022

Charlie: Ah, this must be another reality in which Mr. Sleaze has a different sexual orientation! [To Ivan] Surely you can see Mr. Sleaze is a [finger quotes] confirmed bachelor type?

03.06.023

Ivan: Oh, Mr. Sleaze, is it? Surely a man that close to his [sniggers] chicken isn't really a confirmed batchelor.

Dan: Come on guys, we have the room now. All your stuff is next door.

03.06.024

Austin : [To Charlie] I seem to have grossly over estimated your intelligence. Such unfounded and snide remarks are usually Mr Scar's forte. [Sighs] I thought for a moment that you might have had a brain in there somewhere.

03.06.025

Jim: Naw, they didn't get any of that stuff. They still don't realise that Dur has all those magical properties, nor that Clint is a dragon.

03.06.026

Austin : [To Jim] Do you mean just in the game, or in real life, or both?

03.06.027

Jim: [Laughs] Sure! In real life! [To Ivan] You wouldn't believe how intense our session got, it's like these guys really believe that they were in Queens View!

Ivan: Not only would I not believe, I wouldn't care! Come on, all their crap is outside, we have the room booked.

03.06.028

Austin : [To the party] Something has gone terribly, terribly wrong. [Looks quite pale]

03.06.029

Alice: Come on, Aus, how bad can it be? [To Ivan] What about the Alice, uh, character? What can you tell us about her?

Ivan: [Shakes his head] Nah, she's not a proper character, just some dumb blonde NPC for Clint to knock up in the first few minutes.

Alice: [Horrified] Oh my God!

03.06.030

;; Valur is out today

Fred: [Touching his hair] Frankly, this haircut concerns me. Where's this stuff of ours?

Jim: [Points to some bags outside the door] There. Unless they've been looted by rampaging Morcs, of course! [Gives a nerdy laugh]

03.06.031

Harvey : Who wrote this preposterous set of lies?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.031

0A> Last from Conor #30=0A> =0A> Fred: [Touching his hair] Frankly, this haircut concerns=0A> me. Where's=0A> this stuff of ours?=0A> =0A> Jim: [Poin= ts to some bags outside the door] There. Unless=0A> they've been=0A> lootedby rampaging Morcs, of course! [Gives a nerdy=0A> laugh] =0A> =0ACharlie: [= Goes to look at the bags, panicked] You mustn't joke about such things! Ifmy notes were to be taken by an enemy scholar, I couldn't bear it!=0A=0A= =0A

03.06.032

Jim: That would be the good folks of Wizwards of the Coats.

[The party gather around the bags, each of which is a fairly dreary nondescript type.]

Alice: How do we know which is which?

03.06.033

Austin : I expect the smell of the contents will give that away fairly swiftly!

03.06.034

Dur: [To Austin] Does that mean that yours is the one that smells of cheap lady's perfume?

03.06.035

Austin : [To Dur] I rather doubt that Mr Dur, since I only consort with rather expensive ladies.

03.06.036

Dur: But you do admit to having to pay women to withstand your company?

03.06.037

th nailing a couple of hard-working professionals, Doc? At least they don't want to cuddle afterwards!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.06.038

Dur: [Looks thoughtful] That's odd. Austin seems the type to want to cuddleafterwards...=20

=20

03.06.039

here is that. [To Jim.] Tell me more about this Clint and the dragon story!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.06.040

Charlie: Perhaps it was just that you were [huge pause] draggin' your feet due to a reluctance to engage in some sort of cleansing routine! [Laughs hysterically]

03.06.041

[A stony silence descends, broken only by the sound of JIM clearing his throat.]

Jim: Well, I suppose since you missed it, Clint was actually a cursed dragon, who had to live in an awful body until he redeemed himself. You never did, so you're stuck like that. It doesn't have that much of an impact, really, you guys just missed out on winning the golden castle.

Alice: What's that? Some geeky award?

Jim: No, a huge castle, made of solid gold.

03.06.041

of cleansing routine!=0A> [Laughs hysterically] =0A=0AClint: [Gives Charliea look.] Naw. I was just waiting to make sure you didn't steal anyone els= e's research without credit, that's all.=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.06.042

Fred: [Grumbling as he searches through the bags] I wish I had a castle made of gold. Look, there's some sort of card with some of these bags. It has a photo and a name on it. [Looks at one] Huh. [Holds it up to the party]

[The card has a picture of HARVEY, along with a name, "HARVEY SMITH", and an address, "Apartment 13c, Shangri La Apartments".]

Fred: [Passes the bag, which looks rather like a woman's handbag, over to Harvey] There y'go, Harv.

03.06.043

Harvey : Surely that can't be mine, what! Perhaps I had given my card to one of the ladies, what, and she placed it on her bag! [Takes a look at the c= ontents of the bag]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.044

[The bag contains a bottle of sparkling water and some skin moisturiser.]

Alice: Yikes! Doesn't look good, Harvey!

Fred: I've got a Dur Dwight [holds up a really ratty looking bag] and a Clint Dwight. [Holds up a briefcase]

03.06.045

Harvey : By the saints, what sort of alternative hell hole have we arrived at?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.046

Fred: [Raises an eyebrow as he hands a bag to Alice] Would you believe A. Krapper? There are also two other wallets here. Belonging to Charlie and Austin Dribbler. That just leaves mine. [Looks at last one and pales] Fred Sloop. Address? Apartment 13a, Shangri La!

03.06.047

Harvey : Why, that would make you this "Harvey Smith" persons neighbour!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.048

Fred: Wait a minute. [Flicks a piece of dust off the card] It's Apartment 13c!


;;; Gah! That was a typo in the last mail!

Alice: Hey! And I live in the same place, in Apartment 4d!

03.06.049

e same place, in Apartment 4d!=0A=0AClint: Enough about your petty problems! Me and the doc are [pales] brothers!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.06.050

Dur: [Rummaging through his back pack] Or married.

=20

03.06.051

Harvey : [To Fred] We live together, but this is terrible! Or hilarious! Like the show, the "Odd Pair", where one is a laid back slovenly type, and th= e other like things neat, tidy and orderly! [Quickly] But with no "funny" business going on between them!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.051

Alice: Or, given the age difference.... Pa and son!

03.06.052

Charlie: [Reaches for her wallet] Charlie and AUSTIN? Oh, dear.

03.06.053

Alice: Now THAT's an odd pair! And look, you live in the same apartment block as us!

03.06.054

Charlie: Very well. [To Austin, briskly] I shall need one room specifically designated as my office space, and you may never enter. I must have total silence when I work. You may have 3/4ths of the available closet space to compensate you for this, as well as 2 hours of uninterrupted mirror time each morning. [Hesitates] And, oh, you aren't allergic to cats, I trust?

03.06.055

Austin : [Looks resigned] I do hope that this is a temporary situation. [To Charlie] I cannot agree to your terms at the present time. I will require a non specified amount of time to properly asses the situation, vis-s-vis our cohabitation and the premises within which this arrangement is to take place . Once an assessment as been properly and correctly formed, then a currently unknown, and not withstanding a lengthy, amount of time, shall be set aside for the perusal of such an assessment, prior to making any such agreement as the one that you have previously suggested.

03.06.056

Harvey : So, is this "Queens View" thing popular?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.056

Alice: [Looking from Austin to Charlie and back again, before turning to Harvey] I smell a sit-com!

03.06.056

Charlie: If you intend to claim an allergy to cats, I will demand a demonstration of said allergy before agreeing to stipulate to this condition. [Crosses her arms firmly] Only then can we proceed with the inspection of said premises.

03.06.057

Jim: [Waves his hand in a maybe sort of motion] Not so much. Most people think it's too easy and that the characters are too dumb.

03.06.058

Harvey : [Quite gruffly] Oh really? Like whom, for instance?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.060

Jim: The Colonel, for instance, he's funny, but come on, he's so unrealistic it's not even funny. And Fred? Who are they trying to fool? An academic barbarian? Called Fred? Oh please!

03.06.061

Dur: Ha! People like Dur though right?

03.06.061

Charlie: What do you find unrealistic about the colonel? Is it his sideburns? They are perfectly real, you know. I have a note about it in one of my files.

03.06.062

Harvey : [To Jim] I say, those sideburns have seen more wars and cold dinners than you, whippersnapper!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.063

Austin : [Grimaces at Harvey's sideburns] The evidence is all too clear colonel.

03.06.064

Fred: [To Jim] There's nothing wrong with being an academic and a warrior! It's been done before!

03.06.065

Jim: That's just it, too many times! [To Harvey] What's unbelievable about the Colonel? [Bursts out laughing] Okay, guys, see you next time!

[Exit JIM, leaving the party standing outside the game room with their bags.]

03.06.066

s, see you next=0A> time!=0A> =0A> [Exit JIM, leaving the party standing outside the game room=0A> with their bags.] =0A=0AClint: This= reality blows! Let's get the hell out of here. [Pauses.] Uh, how do we do that?=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.06.067

Alice: Maybe we should try and find this Shangri-La towers place?

03.06.068

Fred: I have this feeling that we will only find sorrow in that place, but it's the only lead we have.

03.06.069

Harvey : Well perhaps I shall find a more suitable suit of clothes, what! Not this [gestures at himself] dandy frippery!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.070

Alice: Hopefully! I bet those guys can tell us where the Shangri La is. [Opens the door to the Rumpus Room, causing all sorts of booing as she does so] Hey, how do I get to the Shangri La Towers from here?

Ivan: [From within] Go out the front door and turn left, then, at the junction, go left. When you get to the next corner, turn left again, and then take your next left.

03.06.071

sorts of booing as=0A> she does so] Hey, how do I get to the Shangri La Towers from here?=0A> =0A> Ivan: [From within] Go out the front door and turn= left, then, at the=0A> junction, go left. When you get to the next corner,turn left again,=0A> and then take your next left.=0A=0AClint: Left, right= ? Got it!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.06.071

Fred: What a helpful- No wait just a minute! That would bring us right back where we started! You can't fool me!

03.06.072


;;; Sent to just me:

Fred: What a helpful- No wait just a minute! That would bring us right back where we started! You can't fool me!

Alice: Hey! [To Ivan] Does that mean we're already in the Shangri La?

Ivan: Uh... [annoyingly long pause] yes.

03.06.073

Austin : [Looks from Fred to Alice] The speed of such fine minds is quite scary sometimes.

03.06.074

Harvey : It's no wonder they don't get the complexities of Queens View! Imbeciles!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.075

Austin : [To Harvey] Quite, colonel, quite. I expect that even sarcasm is beyond the limits of their mental capabilities.

03.06.076

Charlie: Splendid! Now, let us find and explore our new homes!

03.06.077

Ivan: [Calling from inside the room to Austin, sarcastically] Oh really?

03.06.078

Austin : [Chuckles at Ivan, then looks more serious] Well, let us go and see where we live now.

03.06.079

Harvey : Indeed so! [Searches his bag for a key]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.06.080

Fred: I just know this will all end in tears... [Searches his bag for a key, too]

03.06.081

[Everyone either has a key or a set of keys.]

Alice: Right, let's figure out this numbering system. [Takes a look out the window] Yikes! I think we're in a city with huge buildings!

[The party can see that this indeed is true.]

Alice: Huh, maybe the number means what floor we're on? Let's check mine first, as it's the lowest. I bet the rooms that are lower down are the best ones.


;;; End of scene

03.07.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene VII. The Fourth Floor. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, having climbed up one floor of stairs. It is a long hallway with several doors off it, each of which has a letter. The decor is tired and bland, and several of the doors have loud noises coming from being them, typically either music or people arguing.]

Alice: [Picks out a key and puts it in the lock of 4d, and turns it] Right! Home Sweet Home!

[ALICE opens the door only to find that it is on a chain, and only opens an inch.]

Alice: Gah!

03.07.001

Austin : [Smugly] You appear to have security conscious lodgers. [Frown] Or you managed to chain yourself out.

03.07.003

Alice: Why would I chain myself out? [Realization dawns] Oh! I bet in this world I'm an idiot!

[A woman wearing a mud pack approaches the door. This is CAITE WEINER.]

Caite: [Very annoyed] What the hell are you doing here?

Alice: [Cagily] What do you think I'm doing here? [Gives the party a smug look]

Caite: I don't know, that's why I asked you.

03.07.004

Austin : [To Caite] She is trying to get into her home, what are you doing in there?

03.07.005

Caite: It's my home too, Chicken Boy! Alice, you said you were staying out all night, I have some friends over. [Slams the door]

03.07.006

Fred: How very disrespectful. Shall I kick the door in?

03.07.007

Dur: I would suggest caution. We are definitely not in our own world and going around kicking down doors may be taken as an act of aggression.

03.07.007

Austin : With Alice's permission?

03.07.008

Alice: Much as it surprises me to say it, but I think Dur is right. I might just be renting this room, and also, Fred, I hate to say it, but you're a lot smaller in this world, AND your hair is much shorter!

03.07.009

Charlie: Yes, do let's try and keep the door-kicking to a bare minimum. Perhaps we should try another room first? [To Austin] Our room, this time?

03.07.010

Austin : Lead the way. I do hope you have not sub-let the apartment without my consent.

03.07.011

[The party tramp upstairs, and eventually get to CHARLIE and AUSTIN's room, which CHARLIE unlocks. She pushes the door open to reveal a dimly lit room with a very odd odor. A woman's voice calls out from inside, this is ESTELLE, who sounds like an elderly lady.]

Estelle: Who's that? Who is it? Oh, protect me Lord, from thievery and rapery!

03.07.012

Dur: [Looks to Clint and Fred] I think she is talking about you two, but inwhich order?

03.07.012

Charlie: [To Estelle] Not to worry, none of us are rapists! Why are you in our apartment?

03.07.012

Austin : [Smirking] How do you know who we are? We have not introduced ourselves yet! [Whispers to Charlie] This had better not be your sub let!

03.07.013

[Enter ESTELLE, moving slowly in with a walking frame.]

Estelle: [Shocked] Oh! Oh that's just awful! My own daughter! She has me buried already and here I am, in terrible pain, sad and lonely, but still alive. [Points at Austin, but addresses Charlie] And what about your poor, idiot brother? What kind of example are you setting him?

Alice: [Sniggers at this, whispering to Harvey] Hehe! Idiot brother!

Estelle: [Snarls at Alice] And no more hookers!

Alice: Hey!

03.07.014

Dur: [Sniggers in the same manner as Alice] Wow, it really seems this old lady has you all pegged. She must really know you!

03.07.014

Charlie: [To Estelle, soothingly] Sorry, Mummy, you know how we young people can be when our friends are about, cruel and unthinking, that sort of thing. [Brightly] Speaking of death, by any chance is there something dead and rotting in the apartment?

03.07.015

Austin : [Grimaces as he sniffs the air] It smells as if she has pegged something else too.

03.07.016

Harvey : [To Estelle] My dear lady, we are not here to cause you any harm or malice! However, how about a nice cup of tea?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.016

Estelle: The only thing dead and rotting in our apartment is my youth, that I gave up for you and your ungrateful brother! [Looks at Dur for a moment] I told you to leave Austin alone! He's not taking his pants off again, and that's that!

03.07.017

Dur: [Looks a little bit sheepish] I don't like this reality anymore. Can we go home?=

03.07.017

Fred: [Speaks to Harvey out of the corner of his mouth.] You sure about that, Harv? I don't know what that smell is, but I don't like it.

03.07.018

Harvey : [To Fred] But it's a well known fact that any situation with an old lady can be rectified by a cup of tea!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.019

Estelle: Any situation? Really? How when a doting mother has her heart broken by ungrateful children? [Shouts at Dur] No wiping snot on the furniture!

Alice: [Leaps up from the chair she was about to sit on] Dur!

03.07.020

Harvey : Dur, please desist from such unsavoury behaviour! [To Estelle] So my dear woman, do you recognise me?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.021

Estelle: Do I recognise you? What's he saying? That I'm too senile to remember him? Why would he say that?

03.07.022

Fred: It's actually more that we don't know who knows us and who doesn't, or who we should know.

03.07.023

at the party's new look with considerable distaste.] As long as no one we know knows us, we're okay!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.07.024

Estelle: [Loudly and nasally] Charlie! Austin! What are they talking about?

03.07.025

Austin : [Nudges Charlie] You're on. [Wanders over to look out of a window]

03.07.026

Charlie: Oh, Mummy, please don't embarrass us in front of our schoolmates and [looks at Harvey] the grandfather of one of our schoolmates! Remember, we were going to have a sleep-over tonight, so do go off to bed and get some rest and we shall see you in the morning. [To the party] Come along to my room, group! [Looks around for a bedroom that might be hers]

03.07.027

Estelle: A sleepover? For another one of those hamburger and sex orgies that you kids are always having, eh? I won't stand for that in my house!

[CHARLIE pushes open a bedroom door to reveal a tiny bedroom with bunk beds. Half the room is covered in beige wall paper and is incredibly tidy, while the other half is covered in wallpaper with all sorts of different chickens on it, and is a total mess, covered in clothes and toys.]

03.07.028

Fred: Er, what's this about a sleepover? I don't remember anything about a sleepover. How come you remember so much from this world?

03.07.029

Harvey : [Looking around the room] By the saints, this is getting worse by the minute!


;;; Away in meetings for probably the rest of the day...sorry!

03.07.030

Charlie: [To Fred] I don't remember a thing! I'm improvising based on clues, as any good investigator should! Let us take a quick look around and see if there is anything here that can help shed light on our situation. [Starts searching the room]

03.07.031

Estelle: [To Harvey and Fred] Out! Out! Get out of here! [To Charlie] Don't think that you're too old to put across my knee and give a good spanking to!

[AUSTIN can see out through the window that the party is clearly in a huge city, full of massive, stark buildings that look like they are built mainly of metal and glass.]

03.07.032

Charlie: Now, Mummy! What did I say about you getting your rest? [Tries to usher Estelle out of the room] Do go and relax. I'll make sure these rowdy boys don't muss up your doilies and such!

03.07.033

Austin : [Puts the chicken down. Gazing out at the city] This place is incredible. We must be in the future. In our future selves.


;;; busy today, soz!

03.07.034

Estelle: [To Charlie] Don't you patronize me! [Angrily to the party] Out! Out! All of you! I've got two very naughty children who I need to not give any dinner to!

03.07.035

Dur: [Improvising] Now now madame! You have far too much to do, don't you? Why don't you let the rest of US not give Austin and Charlie any dinner? Th= at way your afternoon is free!

03.07.036

Estelle: [Gasps in audible horror at Dur's cheek] Don't you take that tone with me! Go on, get out of here! Oh, the stress! Do you want me to have a heart attack?

03.07.037

Dur: [Ponders the question for a moment] Well that WOULD simplify the situation now wouldn't it?

03.07.038

Estelle: Oh my Lord! [Staggers] What a terrible, hateful thing to say! [To Clint] Have you no control over your son? Get out! Get out before I call the police!


;;; Colin's away for the day

Harvey: [To the party] Er, troop, it probably would be best to beat a hasty retreat.

03.07.039

Charlie: Indeed, Colonel! [To Estelle] Now, Mummy, look what you've done! We must take our party elsewhere. We are simply humiliated! [Tries to storm out of the house in a huff]

03.07.040

Estelle: Don't you take that tone with me, young lady! [Doesn't try to stop anyone from leaving] That's it! Leave a weak and broken hearted, kindly old lady on her own!

03.07.041

Dur: [Unmoved] K, bye! [Waves}

03.07.042

[Exit ALL but ESTELLE to the hallway.]

Alice: [To Austin and Charlie] Yeesh, sorry to say this, but your Mum is mean!

03.07.042

Austin : [Looks relieved] Do you think they have any good restaurants in this time? [Looks sprightly] I bet they have some superb tailors! Let us go!

03.07.043

Alice: The same kind of superb tailor that knitted your armour and chicken?

Harvey: [Checks his pockets and fishes out some coins] Let's see how much money we have, Troop! [Counts it] It looks like I have almost two hundred cents. [Gives a big smile] Maybe I'm rich!

03.07.044

Austin : [To Alice] I think the mother must have knitted these herself. [Frowns at his clothing, then checks his pockets for cash]

03.07.045

Alice: [Searches her pockets and bag] I've got some too. Forty three cents, whoohoo! Anyone else here got any cents?

03.07.046

Fred: [Checks his pockets, murmuring.] Please be lots of gold, please be lots of gold....

03.07.046

Austin : No. [Looks at his chicken] I don't think that this future me was the kind of person that was troubled by financial matters.

03.07.047

[FRED produces some copper and silver coins, totaling 112 cents. CLINT and CHARLIE also count theirs, finding 128 and 76 cents in total.]

Alice: Wow! We're rich! Maybe we could buy our own building?

03.07.048

Fred: [Rubbing the coins together in his hands.] Mmmmmm... coin...

03.07.049


;;; Heather's afk

Charlie: Perhaps we should investigate the other rooms? It would probably be best if we all stayed together tonight, and it's clearly getting late here.

03.07.050

Dur: Maybe we should check my residence next. [Looks to Clint] Can I call you daddy?

03.07.050

d it's clearly=0A> getting late here.=0A=0AClint: Sure, but Doc, if you call me Dad, or Daddy, or Pop, or something like that, I'm gonna have to deck = you. [Leads the way towards his new place.] =0A=0A=0A=0A

03.07.051

Alice: I think he reserves that for his girlfriends, Dur!

[The party head back down to floor 13, and are soon outside CLINT's door. There is the sound of thunderous music coming from inside there.]

Alice: Hey! Maybe Clint lives with a band!

03.07.052

and are soon outside=0A> CLINT's door. There is the sound of thunderous music coming from=0A> inside there.]=0A> =0A> Alice: Hey! Maybe Clint lives wi= th a band!=0A=0AClint: Hell, maybe Dur plays in one! [Digs around for somekeys to open the door and find out.] =0A=0A=0A;;; > Last from Kevin and To= m #50 -- nice clash!=0A;;; =0A;;; Clearly one of those things about great (i.e. American - USA! USA!) =0A;;; minds!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.07.053

[CLINT finds a key and unlocks the door. He pushes it open to reveal a similar apartment to the one the party just came from, except more dank and untidy. It opens to a sitting room/kitchen that has three doors leading off it. The loud music is coming from behind one of them. Another one has "Dur's room, keep out" written on it, and the other door is open, and is clearly a bathroom.]


;;; I think you mean that you're both perverts!

03.07.055

Dur: [Dur goes to inspect his room] Maybe I'll have something cool inside...


;;; You're point being? :pFrom qvblogger

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Date: Fri, 7 May 2010 09:38:40 -0700 (PDT)

To: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>,

" Kevin R. \(Las Colinas\) NADay" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>

Cc: =?iso-8859-1?Q?Valur_Sigur=F0arson?= <valurs@gmail.com>,

dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>,

Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>,

Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>,

"qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com>

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om my room, I guess! [Goes to see what's in the room the music's coming from.] =0A=0A=0A> ;;; You're point being? :p=0A;;; I'm pretty sure he's just r= epeating what I said. =)=0A=0A=0A

03.07.056

Charlie: [Tries to peek inside Dur's room] What have you got in there? Anything of us??

03.07.057


;;; Actually, Kevin/Tom, I was just commenting on well you both

;;; fit in with the group!

[CHARLIE is distracted by the ear piercing scream from the room that CLINT opens. Inside is a sulky looking teenage girl, CHARDONNAY, who appears to have been dancing in front of a mirror, hairbrush in hand.]

Chardonnay: [Angrily] What the hell are you doing back? This is so unfair!

03.07.058

Fred: Ah, an angry woman as a resident in your abode, Clint? Well done, sir.

03.07.059

=0A=0A

03.07.060

Harvey : Well private, for your sake, I hope this gift came with a receipt,so it can be returned!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.061

Chardonnay: What are you doing back so early? Oh, I hate you! [Runs out of the room, into one of the other doors]

Alice: She seems nice.

03.07.062

Charlie: Perhaps we should do a quick search and make our exit. Surely we can find a private place to stay tonight!

03.07.063

Austin : [Frowns] The foyer of A and E might fit that bill. At least it will be cleaner.

03.07.064

Alice: We're locked out of my place, and Austin and Charlie's mother is too mean to let us stay there, so it's either here or [deep voice] the love shack.

03.07.065

Harvey : Are you referring to my address, dear niece?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.066

Alice: [Embarrassed] Yes.

03.07.067

Austin : [Big smile] Love shack! Why didn't you say earlier. Let's go there.

03.07.068

Harvey : Remember troop, I must stress this, whatever we find behind the door has nothing at all to do with me, Colonel Harvey Kingston Short!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.069

Austin : [To Harvey] Do you require the support of a lawyer, colonel?

03.07.070

Harvey : Are you sure that delightful mother of yours would let you stay upso late?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.071

Austin : I think that we are all well aware of the fact that this is some form of stereotyped reality, with childish imagery, resulting from a rather naive conceptualisation of who and what we really are.

03.07.072

Dur: [Stares blankly at Austin] Say wha? What you talkin' bout Austin?

03.07.073

Alice: He says that just because he's wearing knitted armour we shouldn't make assumptions about him.

[The party arrive to HARVEY and FRED's apartment, which HARVEY opens. It is very clean but decorated in a completely over the top manner, with all sorts of extravagant looking scarves and umbrellas around.]

Alice: [Sitting down on a leopardskin couch] Hey, this isn't half bad. [Pats the couch] It's actually quite comfortable. Hey, what's this? A table tennis ball? [Pulls at a ball that's sticking up from a cushion] Oh. [Holds up a fiendish looking ball gag]

03.07.074

Charlie: [Examines the gag] How very useful! [To Harvey] Perhaps your alter-ego is a spy of some kind?

03.07.075

Dur: [Looks to Charlie with renewed interest] Charlie, you must have an interesting definition of what is useful...

03.07.075

Austin : [To Alice] Thanks for that. Remind me to return the favour sometime.

03.07.076

Harvey : By the saints, my alter ego must be a spy catcher! What an exciting life he must lead! I'll just bet there's an Mastin Artin carriage parked = outside, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.077

Fred: But what am I, then? And where is my room? Harvey's decorations hurt my eyes.

03.07.078

Alice: Maybe they're YOUR decorations, Fred?

[A quick check of the other rooms reveals one with a huge double bed, a bathroom, and another, very plain room with a bed that has no sheets.]

03.07.079

Fred: Dibs on the big bed. In the sense that I do not share it, that is.

03.07.079

Austin : [Sniggering as they look around] It looks as if this must be your room, Fred.

03.07.080

Alice: [Wags her finger as she mock scolds Austin] Now now, Austin. There is no his, it's all theirs!

03.07.081

Harvey : Preposterous hypothesis, dear niece!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.082

Austin : [Sniggering] At least as preposterous as woolen armour.

03.07.083

Alice: Preposterous it may be, but at least we have somewhere to stay. [Holds up her bag] According to an ID badge in my bag, this Alice works in a place called McDonalds. I think it's a fancy restaurant that serves mostly beaks and claws, disguised as burgers. At least, that's what the bit of burger I found at the bottom of my bag tasted like.

03.07.083

armor, lawyer! But I say we crash here until we figure out what the hell'sgoing on. =0A=0A;;; Hope this sends. My router is acting all kinds of cr= azy today.=0A=0A=0A

03.07.083

Fred: I concur with Harvey. There are two rooms and two inhabitants. Ergo, one inhabitant in each room. And I called dibs on this bed. For myself.

03.07.084

Alice: Does anyone else have information about their job?

03.07.085

Charlie: Oh, yes! I found some documentation in [finger quotes] our room. [Digs through her knapsack for the documentation] Yes, and prepare yourselves for a good laugh, I am apparently a [huge incredulous emphasis] secretary in a firm called Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro! Can you imagine?! [Continues reading] Further, I learned an entirely more likely bit of information, that my dear brother [nods at Austin] appears to have been recently released from an asylum, but he now works as a janitor at my place of work. [Pats Austin on the head condescendingly] Isn't that nice?

03.07.086

Fred: How charming. Maybe there are clues to be found about my history here, too. [Searches for information in the room.]

03.07.087

Harvey : So, my dear niece is a restaurant worker. Private Charlie is a secretary. Private Sleaze is a janitor and I'm a spy! What an eclectic groupin= g of people, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.088

0A> a spy! What an eclectic grouping of people, what!=0A=0AClint: [Takes alook at himself again.] I'm pretty sure I'm an accountant, and Dur's a laz= y slacker who never worked a day in his life to support his old man.=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.07.089

Alice: That sounds about right. [To Harvey] Any idea where your HQ is?

03.07.090

Austin : [Rummaging through his bag to see what he has] It would not be much of a secret if he told you. [Ponders] I wonder if spies do 'bring you kid to work' days.

03.07.091

Charlie: [Studying Austin carefully] I wonder what caused us to institutionalize you? Do you feel insane?

03.07.092

Austin : [To Charlie] What on earth are you blathering on about now. There was no suggestion that I have previously be institutionalised.

03.07.093

Alice: Yikes! Maybe the memory loss is part of his madness?

03.07.094

Harvey : I believe my HQ is located at Playza Plaza, troop! And is obviously a front for my spy catching guise! It would appear to have something to s= o with cutting hair!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.095

Alice: Hey! That's where my restaurant is too! I wonder, do I own it?

03.07.096

Charlie: And my firm is there, as well! We should go to this Playza Plaza at once!

03.07.096

Austin : That will be why you named it after someone else. [Checks his nails]

03.07.097

Fred: Yes, let's get something to eat, too. I want to smother my nerves.

03.07.098

Harvey : [Claps] Wonderful idea, what! [To Alice] Dearest niece, we should be able to dine in fine style at your restaurant, best seats in the house, = and all, no doubt, for free! Even though we have more of these cents than we can ever concieveably spend in our lifetimes!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.07.099

Alice: Whoohoo! Nothing can stop us now! [Looks at a clock] Although, it is after midnight and it's dark outside. Maybe we should wait until the morning?

03.07.100

Charlie: Yes, I suppose that's sensible. Let us take a rest, group, and then we start fresh in the morning!

03.07.101

Fred: Very well then. [Drops face-down onto the double-bed.]

03.07.102

[Exit ALL, to sleep, somehow finding space on the double bed.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

03.08.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene VIII. Fred and Harvey's Apartment. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, all asleep on the double bed, and slowly starting to wake up.]

Alice: [Climbs off the bed] Now, why didn't any of us sleep on the other bed? Hm, I wonder, how do we find the Playza Plaza?

03.08.002

Fred: Yeah, I thought I called dibs. Maybe we should go downstairs and ask the guys from yesterday?

03.08.002

Austin : [Yawns] With the small fortune we have, we could call a few cabs to take us there. [Disappears into the bathroom]

03.08.003

Dur: What we really need is a map.

03.08.004

Harvey : What we really need is breakfast! We can ask a random passer by where this Playza Plaza is. They're sure to point us in the right direction!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.005

Alice: Good idea! This looks like a really friendly place! [Looks out the window only to see a pedestrian getting robbed] Er, maybe there's food here. [Opens the fridge, to see that it is absolutely packed with yogurt] Nope, just yogurt.

03.08.006

Harvey : [Grimaces] By the saints, not only is my alternative self a spy catcher, but some heinous torturer too! Talk damn you, or it'll be another fu= ll pot of yogurt for you! This time, one with hazelnuts! [Shudders]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.007

Charlie: [Delighted] Oh, yogurt--how wonderful! [Peeks inside the fridge] Are there any with stewed prunes?

03.08.008

Dur: Truly diabolical [Dur agress as he reaches for a yogurt]

03.08.008

Harvey : Most likely hiding behind the ones with ground glass!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.009

Alice: Mm! Ground glass! [Takes one and eats a mouthful] Hey! This isn't glass at all, it's sand!

[A loud bell rings somewhere in the room, but stops almost immediately.]

03.08.010

Harvey : I say dear niece, take another mouthful and see if the bell rings again!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.011

Alice: No way! [Takes a mouthful]

[Riiiiing!]

Alice: That's really cool! Anyone else want a go?

03.08.012

nt a go?=0A=0AClint: Hell no! [Bitterly.] I'm a nerd, not a masochist!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.013

Harvey : I say, is that a common occurance when eating yoghurt?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.014

Alice: [Fills another spoon, but doesn't yet take it] Sure it is, with [dramatically] magic yog-

[Riiiiing!]

Alice: Hey! [Disappointed] That's not the yogurt at all!

03.08.015

Riiiiing!]=0A> =0A> Alice: Hey! [Disappointed] That's not the yogurt at all!=0A=0AClint: Well where's it coming from? [Hunts around the apartment for= the source of the ring,] =0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.016

Fred: [Calls out] Hello? Reveal yourself, bell-ringer!

03.08.017

[No bell ringer can be found.]

Alice: Maybe it only rings with the first few mouthfuls?

03.08.018

Harvey : What a strange and alien place this is! Spies, accountants, yoghurt and phantom bell ringers!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.019

, we can't answer any questions in here! Let's go to... [shudders] our jobs and see if we can't find something out there.=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.020

Austin : [Scrutinizing the room for the bell] Does anyone know what day of the week it is here? It might be the weekend.

03.08.021

Alice: According to my watch it's 10.15AM. [Looks at it, concentrating] Nope, not sure what day it is, though.

[There's a loud, impatient knock on the door.]

03.08.022

Harvey : [Goes to the door] Who is it?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.023

Voice: [From outside the door] JT. What the hell is going on?

03.08.024

Harvey : [Turns to the party and shrugs] Er, JT! A bit indisposed at the moment. Yoghurt, and all that!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.025

JT: Oh, I know you didn't just dis me! Come on, you gotta get your lazy asses into work!

03.08.026

Harvey : So it's not a weekend! Damn and blast! [Loudly] We'll walk with you to Playza Plaza! [Begins to open the door]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.026

Charlie: [Goes to answer the door] Marvelous! Another glorious day at good old Playza Plaza!

03.08.027

Austin : [Frowns] JT? What kind of a name is that? [To Harvey] Perhaps, colonel, we should visit a tailors on the way to work. We do not want to create the wrong impression.

03.08.028

[CHARLIE opens the door, to reveal JOEL TIRSCAHRO, a sleazy looking type wearing fairly casual clothing.]

JT: [To Austin] It's my name, Chicken Boy, or have you forgotten? It's short for Joel Tirscahro. [Looks around] Huh! So you're all here? That's convenient. You do know you're all a few hours late, though, right?

03.08.029

Austin : [To JT] Late for what? There seems to be some error in that we apparently have work?

03.08.030

Harvey : Indeed, private! And without breakfast? [To JT] Are you a [big theatrical wink] wink wink, someone working with hair also?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.031

Fred: Yes, I'm not going anywhere until I've had something to eat. Except to go somewhere where I can eat, that is.

03.08.032

JT: [To Harvey] Certainly not, although I don't have any particular objection to your lifestyle choice. [To Fred] Look Fred, you can get something to eat at work, but I'm not stopping somewhere for you. Surely you can take something with you? Anyway, if you want me to take you to work, come on. If you want to be fired and thrown out on the street, stay here. [Checks himself out in the mirror] Hey! Nice hair!

03.08.033

Austin : [To JT] You do realise that I am a highly respected lawyer? I am hardly likely to be thrown of anywhere!

03.08.034

Charlie: [Laughs awkwardly and pats Austin's arm] Isn't he a dear? [To JT, in a stage whisper] It's best to go along with his delusions. [To Austin, brightly] Yes, dear, you are a high-powered lawyer, and your mop is your weapon against injustice!

03.08.035

Harvey : Well said there! Well said. Come troop, let us away to work!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.036

Dur: Errr.... Just as a quick refresher, what is it that we do again?

03.08.037

Harvey : I believe private Scar said that you are a professional loafer! A parasite. Jobless sir, jobless! A constant millstone around your fathers n= eck.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.038

Dur: Then why do I have to go to work?!

03.08.039

Harvey : Because private, you should be forced to be as miserable as the rest of us! You can give my dearest niece a hand at her restaurant. Taking ou= t bins and what have you.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.039

Alice: Oh please! Do you really think that loafing just involves sitting around?

JT: [Listens carefully to Charlie, before turning to Austin] Sure! You're one of the senior partners at Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro! You're even more senior than [cuffs Dur playfully but robustly over the head] Junior here! Come on, Dur, you've got lots of shoes to clean today. [Steps out into the hallway] Coming?


;;; I assume everyone is coming, but I'll let someone confirm it

03.08.040

Fred: But what is it that I do?

03.08.041

JT: [Puts his arm around Fred] Nobody knows, but I'm sure there's an awful lot of responsibility for the fourth in command at the third largest women's shoe shop in the Plaza!

03.08.042

Fred: [Awed] Fourth in command! How many are there?

03.08.043

JT: Including the owner's cat? Four!

03.08.044

Charlie: [To Fred] That's very respectable. Cats are quite intelligent, you know!

03.08.045

Harvey : And their hides makes for quite comfortable slippers, what! Let usbe off!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.046

[JT leads the party to a small room with sliding doors, which close after they enter. Each of ALICE, HARVEY, CHARLIE, CLINT and DUR recognise this as an elevator, but, when it starts moving, each of AUSTIN and FRED look slightly freaked out. Eventually it stops and opens, revealing a room full of large carriages.]

JT: [Walking towards one long one] Here we go!

03.08.047

Fred: [Looking around in the elevator] Whoa! Let's do that again!

03.08.048

JT: [Opens a door to one of the big carriages] Now I see why you're the fourth in command! Alright, everyone in!

03.08.049

Harvey : [Gets into the carriage, before turning to Alice] Do not even think about it, dear niece!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.049

Austin : [Looks alarmed] How on earth do those doors move on their own? [Then laughs at JT] Whilst I appreciate traveling in grandeur, do we really own enough horses to pull this carriage?

03.08.050

Alice: Begs I dr- [face drops at Harvey's words] What a gyp!

JT: [To Austin] It's [waves his hands around] magic!

[Everyone gets in, and JT starts it up, heading out onto the street. The party are in roughly modern times, and everything looks slightly crazy to them, although fortunately, everyone is so used to crazy that, although they are all somewhat ill at ease, no one is too freaked out.]

03.08.052

all clearly=0A> moving effortlessly. No drivers either. Or foot men. What an odd=0A> place.=0A=0AClint: Yeah. And they're making us work even though= we're rich! [To Joel] Wait, what do I do again?=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.053

Harvey : I believe you mentioned that you were an accountant or somesuch, private Scar.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.054

st a guess! [Looks at his suit again.] Maybe I'm a doctor, or a scientist,or a small business owner!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.055

Charlie: If I'm a secretary, surely you're a mailroom clerk at best. There must be some kind of sensible hierarchy here, even if everything is all askew!

03.08.056

Harvey : I wouldn't be too sure, dear girl! Everything here seems quite topsy turvy. In fact, I wouldn't be at all surprised if you are in fact, priva= te Scars secretary, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.058

li intended!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.059

Alice: That's the bad Phili, right?

03.08.060

Harvey : [Darkly] The worst, dear niece! Could you imagine having to sit onprivate Scars knee and take notes?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.061

Charlie: [Puts her hands over her ears and yelps] Don't say that! How horrid! I could NEVER take notes for someone else!

03.08.062

JT: [As the car pulls up outside a huge building that has a few smaller ones around it] Sure you couldn't, honey. Here we go!

[A huge sign outside says "Playza Plaza".]

03.08.063

Harvey : Well, here we are troop! Work, sweet work

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.064

[Everyone gets out and heads into the building. The foyer is huge, with several shops and restaurants scattered around.]

Alice: [Spots a garish "M"] Hey look! That must be the restaurant I own! Come on, everyone, let's get some food!

JT: Food? First off, you're already all late for work, second, McDonalds? Really?

03.08.065

Fred: But surely it is the very pinnacle of sophisticated cuisine, since they can afford such an extravagant sign!

03.08.066

Harvey : [Pointing at the plastic tables outside] And have you ever seen such smoothly polished wood in a restaurant? True extravagance!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.067

JT: Oh-kay. I'll see you back at the main entrance at 5PM.

[The party enter the restaurant, with "oohs" and "aahs" at the shininess of the signs and quality of the tables.]

Alice: [Points to a table] Let's sit here! [Tries to pull out a chair] Hey! The chair is stuck to the table! I guess this is how they do things in this time. [Squeezes in, with a lot of huffing and puffing]

03.08.068

Harvey : [Attempting to squeeze his way in] Dearest niece, it looks like entire table and chairs were carved from a single piece of wood! [Runs his pa= lm along the table tob] So smooth! Splinter free, what! Your future self must be rich beyond belief! [Looks around] The waiting staff seem a little ta= rdy though!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.069

Dur: [Sits down and looks around] Maybe they are handing out food from there [Points to the check-out counter] =

03.08.070

Alice: Don't be ridic, Dur! Carrying our own food? What are we? Animals? [Feels the top of the table] Niiice! [Spots a staff member] Yoohoo! Boy! [To the party] I bet he works for me, and that they all just love me here.

[Enter TYSON IKE, a tough looking man with a tray of half eaten food.]

Tyson: I ain't your boy. And you're late. [Gives Harvey a surprisingly nice smile] Hi Harv, [rubs the top of his (own) head] that haircut you gave me sure is working out well. I really like the [emphasis] special service.

03.08.071

Charlie: [To Harvey] In this reality, you must also have quite a strong work ethic! [To Tyson] And what special service were you provided? A nice massage?

03.08.072

Tyson: [With a big grin] A very nice massage!

03.08.073

Charlie: [Smiles brightly to Tyson] Splendid, now kindly bring us a menu, and there's a shiny copper in it for you if you're quick about it!

03.08.074

Tyson: A menu? What the hell? [Points to a garish board with pictures of food on it] There's the menu!

03.08.075

Charlie: [Squints at the board] You cannot expect us to read that from here?! That is rather inefficient, I must say!

03.08.076

Tyson: Inefficient? Look, you want food or not?

Alice: Excuse me, my good man. Why don't you bring down food for all of us? The best in the house! [Grandly to the party] My treat!

03.08.077

Harvey : [Glowers at Tyson] Really and truly dear niece, you should revise the hiring policy for your alternative self when you get the chance!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.078

Fred: [At Tyson] Now hop to it, servant! We are famished!

03.08.079

Tyson: [Glares at Fred] Sure thing. [Clears his throat a few times, clearly getting a big glob of spit up] Back in a sec.

[Exit TYSON behind the counter.]

Alice: [To Harvey] Yeesh, I think you're right. He's just awful. And what's all that phlegmy thing about?

03.08.080

Fred: He must be a disease-ridden peasant. Did you find him in a sewer?

03.08.081

Alice: [Shrugs] Haven't a clue. Let's give him a tip, though. That'll make him feel better, I'm sure. What do you think? Five of those cents should be enough?

03.08.081

Austin : [To Fred, dryly] Well you should know.

03.08.082

Harvey : Goodness no dear niece! That's probably more than the man earns ina month! Give him one cent. Don't want to spoil the unruly chap!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.083

Alice: [As Tyson returns with a tray of food] Good idea, Harvey.

[The tray is slammed on the table. It contains a number of styrofoam burger containers, some soft drinks and several packets of fries.]

Alice: [Hands over one cent to Tyson] Here you go, my good man. Might I suggest you invest it in some property? [Turns to Charlie] And that, Charlie, is how you tip people.

Tyson: [Grabs the cent] You've got five minutes to finish that and get to work, or your ass is fired. And this is coming out of your wages! [Looks at the food] It should take you three days to work it off. [Throws the cent into the trash and walks off]

03.08.084

Austin : [Looks a little disappointed] Judging by prices on that menu, each of these servings of fries costs a dollar, and the burgers and drink considerably more. I believe that the one cent you just tipped the waiter with was work less than one single fry. [Frowns] It also means that your weeks wages are next to nothing. That was not how to tip. [Checks his nails then nibbles at a fry]

03.08.085

Charlie: [Looks at the food and wails] We must be dreadfully poor! This is the sort of food my postgrads eat!

03.08.086

Alice: Oh come on, how bad can it be? [Eats a fry] Ew! Tastes like heart disease!

03.08.087

Austin : Indeed, they seem to contain enough calories to fuel a large army. An army with no taste buds that is. I expect that the locals must be very active, or they would all be dead by now.

03.08.088

Harvey : [Suddenly perking up] Army food eh! [Grabs a handful of fries and stuffs them in his mouth] Mmm, just like the chips we used to eat in Vietnu= mnum! Wonderful! [Takes a bite out of a styrofoam box] Mmm, wonderful! A rather off texture, but soft and crunchy!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.089

Alice: [Breaks a piece of styrofoam off and eats it] Mm! That is really good! [Pokes the burger inside] Not sure about the soggy centre, though.

03.08.090

the soggy=0A> centre, though.=0A=0AClint: [Pokes his burger hesitantly and takes a bite.] Oh! It's a sandwich of some kind. Two all beef patties, sp= ecial sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions on a sesame seed bun!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.091

Alice: Wow! Let me try! [Opens a styrofoam holder and takes a huge bite of the burger inside] Oh my God! That's the best piece of meat I've ever had in my mouth!

[Time passes while ALICE chews and the rest of the party project something obscene onto her innocent remark, but are rudely interrupted by her suddenly starting to cough and choke, before she hacks up what appears to be a tiny purple dinosaur onto the table.]

Alice: Crikey! What the hell was that? A bit of gristle?

03.08.092

Charlie: [Pokes at the purple thing with a straw] Is it a--toy surprise of some kind?

03.08.093

k at it.] It's a purple lizard, Chuck. What kind of whacked out person plays with a purple lizard?=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.094

Fred: [Chokes momentarily on his burger, coughs a couple of times and tries to look innocent.]

03.08.095

Harvey : [Picking up two straws] Ah, now the memories are flooding back, troop! These are what the Vietnumnumese called choppy sticks. Well, at least = they did before we shelled their village! [Laughs long and loud and alone. Attempts to lift a fry with the straws]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.096

Alice: [Gives Fred a suspicious look before poking the lizard with a fry] You mean... these are lizard burgers? That's disgusting, I think I'm going to be sick. [Takes another bite] Mm!

03.08.097

disgusting, I think=0A> I'm going to be sick. [Takes another bite] Mm!=0A=0AClint: Nah. Everyone knows lizard tastes like chicken, and this stuff t= astes... uh... kind of like beef that's gone all manky?=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.097

I shall be out tomorrow, doing travellings.

03.08.098

Austin : [Takes a sip of the cherry cola, grimaces in horror] Oh my goodness, what a dreadful taste. Worse than mouth wash!

03.08.099

Alice: [Takes a taste] I think it is mouthwash. Or is it poison?


;;; Out all day, so no posting from me.

03.08.100

Charlie: [Sniffs the cherry cola] It smells a bit like the disinfectant they use in the men's urinals at university.

03.08.100

Austin : I suspect the latter. It is bubbling, but not like champagne, more like acid.

03.08.101

Alice: Not to mention how it has stripped a layer of skin from inside my mouth.


;;; Okay, I'm really gone!

03.08.102

Dur: [Takes a drink] I like it!

03.08.103

Harvey : Well, you would probably also like drinking out of that urinal in the gents at that university [gestures towards Charlie] . Which begs the que= stion, [to Charlie] why exactly did you spend so much time in the gents, sniffing urinal cakes?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.104

Austin : [Huge smirk, silently wipes a tear from his eye, then turns to Charlie and awaits her answer]

03.08.105

Charlie: [Scoffs] Honestly! You two behave as if I have a standing appointment for a daily noon tryst with one of my colleagues in the oft-unused basement men's restroom in the Agricultural Sciences building, rather than looking for the much more logical explanation, chiefly that [suddenly shrieks and points out the window] What on earth is THAT?!

03.08.106

Harvey : [Dropping the fry he's been attempting to pick up with the straws] By the saints! [Swings around towards the window]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.08.107

Charlie: [Casually] Oh, sorry, it must have been a funny shadow. [Primly lays a napkin over her uneaten meal] As I was saying, I really am terribly curious about what sort of work we will be doing in this alternate universe! One does like to stay busy!

03.08.108

Austin : [Sniggers] It certainly sounds as if you were pretty busy in the basement of the Agricultural building.

03.08.109

Charlie: [Briskly] Exactly my point, Mr. Sleaze! [To Clint] Now, how about that local sporting team? I should think they stand quite a good chance of achieving supremacy in their division, don't you?

03.08.110

think they stand quite a=0A> good chance of achieving supremacy in their division, don't you?=0A=0AClint: Yeah! The season'll have its highs and lows= , but towards the end there'll be some good bits, with an exciting finish! Like your time in the basement of the Agriculture building, I suppose.=0A= =0A=0A=0A

03.08.111

the basement of the Agriculture building, I suppose.

Charlie: [Lamely] Splendid! Go, team!


;;;No doubt that's my three! You guys have a good weekend!

03.08.112

ard burgers and paint thinner to the masses. [Bitter.] I've got ledgers tobalance. [Looks around, wondering if anyone can direct him to his cubicle= .] =0A=0A> ;;;No doubt that's my three! You guys have a good weekend!=0A;;; You too! Much like Charlie's time in the Agriculture building, I... =0A= ;;; will leave you to come up with the best response. =)=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.113

Alice: Don't be ridiculous, Clint, I don't -- oh. Oh, I suppose I do. How awful!

[Enter DAN DIRTY, a man in full motorbike gear, coming in through the door of the restaurant. TYSON approaches him, but he breezes passed, clearly heading towards the party's table.]

Tyson: [Calling after him] Hey! No helmets in the restaurant!

03.08.114

Charlie: [To Tyson, watching Dan] He looks terribly dangerous! He isn't part of a cycling gang, is he?

03.08.115

Last from Heather $114

Fred: At least he looks like he has the renegade personality thing down to a tee. Maybe he could teach me a thing or two?

03.08.116

Alice: You're such a square in this time, Fred, you need five or six things taught to you!

[DAN stands in front of the party, and takes out what appears to be a metal wand that he holds in two hands. For some reason, this causes panic in the rest of the restaurant, and people dive to the ground screaming.]

03.08.117

Charlie: [To Dan] My, what a shiny wand you have! What is its purpose? [Casts a wary eye on the frantic crowd] It doesn't seem to make you very popular, I must say!

03.08.118

Dur: Of for Phili's sake! If you want a show shine, just say so! No need todemand it at wand point!

03.08.119


;;; Colin's out today

Harvey: By the saints! I know what's going on here! Those other people have just realized that this is lizard meat! [Leans down to call to someone] I say! It's actually rather tasty!

[Just as HARVEY bends down, the gun that DAN is holding roars into life, giving everyone an absolutely enormous shock. It tears the top of HARVEY's seat to pieces, and sends the whole party diving instinctively to the ground.]

Alice: [To the party, when the noise mercifully stops] I don't think he's here for breakfast!

03.08.121

Dur: Should we do something?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.141.1.20 with HTTP; Tue, 18 May 2010 06:26:24 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 18 May 2010 14:26:24 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTilg9g5pRMaws9_2ssMFJTc8TDy47svEjdVZlONV@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, =?ISO-8859-1?Q?Valur_Sigur=F0arson?= <valurs@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <thg8rguy@yahoo.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: We could get him some lunch! [Peers over the table] Excuse me, but would you like some-

[ALICE's voice is drowned out by the deafening sound of the gun, and she ducks down very quickly.]

Alice: Hey! My hat is gone! [Of course, she wasn't wearing one]

03.08.122

Last from Conor 121=20

Dur: [Thinks] We could all pile on top of him. I learned that move from watching Harvey's wife through her bedroom window. Boy does she get a lot of g= uests!

03.08.122

Charlie: [Trying to keep her voice low] We must find a way to disarm him! [To Clint and Fred] Could the two of you perhaps knock this brute flat on his back?

03.08.123

Last from Kevin 122

Austin : [Under the table] It is not the only thing she gets a lot of. [Pokes his head out from under the table] Have you quite finished?

03.08.124

[The deafening gunfire is a clear answer to AUSTIN's question.]

Alice: Well? What did he say?

03.08.125

Austin : [Shouting over the gunfire] He appears to have a disagreement with the furniture! I suspect that he is quite tense! Perhaps you could use your feminine wiles on him?

03.08.126

nse! Perhaps you=0A> could use your feminine wiles on him?=0A=0AClint: [Waits for an opportune moment, then jumps Dan and tries to disarm him with a t= ray.] =0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.127

Alice: Great idea, Aus! [Peers over the table and shouts] Hey!

[DAN turns and points the gun at ALICE, but it only makes a clicking sound. CLINT rushes at him and swings his tray, but DAN pushes him off and turns to make a run for it.]

Alice: Hey! Come back! Come back so I can wile you!

03.08.128

] =0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.129

Fred: Hey! We need some answers! [Takes off after the attacker to try and knock him down.]

03.08.130

[As DAN disappears out the door, a security guard, GEARY SCHEURING, steps in front of FRED.]

Geary: [Blocking the way] Woah, woah, woah, woah! [Looks around] Woah!

03.08.131

Geary: [Blocking the way] Woah, woah, woah, woah! [Looks around] Woah!=0A=0AClint: [Channeling his inner Keanu] Dude. Whoa!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.08.132

Geary: Yeah. [Dramatically] Woah. [Looks around] What's all the panic here?

03.08.133

Charlie: Some maniac came into the room and started shooting at us!

03.08.134

Austin : [Looking at the damage] He really did not like the furniture. I have to agree with him on that point. [To Charlie] Perhaps our time would be better spent finding a high quality tailors?

03.08.135

Charlie: [To Austin] I think you might be right!

03.08.136

Fred: What is it with you and tailors? And how do we know that man might not express his dislike of quality suits next?

03.08.137

Geary: [Takes out a notepad] Okay, let me get this straight. You didn't like his suit so you shot him? Now, is that really a need for panic? [Has to speak up to be heard over the sound of screaming people running out of the building] You need to calm down.

Alice: [To the party] Forget tailors, we need to get the hell out of here! What happens if he comes back?

03.08.137

Austin : [To Fred] What is it? What is it! [Sheeshes] Can you not see that I am currently wearing a knitted suit of armour? You may not mind wandering around looking like a tramp, but I do mind.

03.08.138

Fred: [To Austin] I think it suits you, really. [To Geary] No, what happened was that the man you just blocked me from apprehending came in here and, without warning, started blowing the furniture to bits, although I suspect he was aiming at us.

03.08.139

Alice: [To Austin] Hah! That's exactly what Daddy used to say to me when I was going out on dates!

Geary: Furniture, eh? [Makes a note in his notepad]

[Enter JT, looking worried.]

JT: Guys! What happened? Are you okay?

03.08.140

Austin : [To JT] No, I am afraid not. We are all deeply traumatised and will take years to recover. We need to speak to a lawyer immediately to start a suit against this dangerous establishment. They almost let us all die!


;;; meeetings soon, back at 4pm ish and busy

03.08.141

JT: [Nods] I understand. [Smiles indulgently at the party] Poor old Austin doesn't even realize that the top law firm in the country, Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro, are in this building!

03.08.142

Charlie: [To JT] He is a bit simple, you know. Do be a good man and escort me to the firm! [offers JT her arm]

03.08.143

JT: [Uncertain] The law firm that you work for? Oh-kay. You sure you can't just go up there and talk to your boss?

03.08.144

Charlie: [Offended] You, sir, are no gentleman! Surely you can escort me upstairs?


;;;Is it obvious to us how to go up to another floor?

03.08.145

JT: Yeah? Neither are you!


;;; Yes! There's an elevator that looks eerily like the one in the

hell dimension.

03.08.146

Charlie: [Gasps] I've never been so insulted! [To the party] Come along, group! Our workday awaits! [Heads to the elevator]


;;;That's my three!

03.08.147

[Exit the party, storming off towards the lifts.]

Geary: [To JT] Hang on a second, there was someone here with a gun?


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up.

03.09.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene IX. The Elevator. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, standing in a small room with banal music playing. They have just entered, and the door shuts behind them.]

Alice: Hey, this music is just neat! [Does a little dance]

03.09.002

e, standing in a small=0A> room with banal music playing. They have just entered, and the door=0A> shuts behind them.]=0A> =0A> Alice: Hey, this music= is just neat! [Does a little dance] =0A=0AClint: Really, Bimbo? It sucks! Give me a good motet any day!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.09.003

Alice: You oldies just don't get today's music! [Looks around] This one is way smoother than the last one we were in, isn't it?

03.09.004

n't it?=0A=0AClint: Yeah! Plus it's got this canned music crap. [Hesitates.] So where do we get off?=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.09.005

Harvey: Phili only knows, Private! The last time, however, it seemed to know itself. [Calls out] I say! Take us to where we need to be!

03.09.006

Charlie: [Braces herself and waits expectantly] How thrilling! I do hope the office is clean and efficiently run!

03.09.007

0A=0AClint: That's probably your job, Chuck. That, and making coffee for the important people, like us accountants!=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.09.008

[Bing! The door opens. Standing outside it is a depressed looking man, TOBY ROGERS.]

Toby: [Stays standing outside and gives a sigh] Well? Are you getting off?

03.09.009

Austin : [Looks around] Getting off what? [Steps out of the lift, confused] Why don't they put windows in lifts, then you could see where you are. [Frowns] Terribly bad design.

03.09.010

could see=0A> where you are. [Frowns] Terribly bad design.=0A=0AClint: Because if there was a window, people who were scared of heights would panic an= d make a mess on the floor! And people who just wanted to end it all wouldjump out through the window, hit the ground, splatter, and make a mess on = the floor. It's all about saving the janitors from having to do any work.=0A=0A=0A=0A

03.09.011

nd it all would jump out through the window, hit the ground, splatter, and make a mess on the floor. It's all about saving the janitors from having= to do any work.

Fred: On the other hand, it would make an excellent way to purge the weak from the gene pool. Dervin's Law at work!

03.09.012

Alice: But think of the expense! All those curtains? Flowerboxes? This is just crazy talk, crazy!

[The party step out and look around.]

Alice: Hey! This looks exactly the same as the last floor!

[GEARY approaches the party.]

Geary: Now, about this gunman...

03.09.013

Harvey : [To Geary, loudly] About this what, now? Stop that blathering there, man! And speak up what! [Puts his fingers in his ears and gives them a g= ood wriggle] By the saints, what is that infernal ringing?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.014

Alice: This is so cool! They have must have one of these on every floor! [To Geary] Was there a [thinks about the word] gunman on this floor too?

Geary: Too? Where else was there one?

Alice: On the ground floor?

Geary: This is the ground floor!

Alice: You know, you really should give them different names, it's awfully confusing otherwise.

03.09.015

Harvey : These people are mad, dearest niece! Mad, I tell you! Come now, let us try the lift again and see if we end up on the correct ground floor th= is time.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.016

Austin : [Indignantly] Two ground floors and a transportation system with no windows. [Muses] We could make a lot of money in a world this stupid.

03.09.017

Alice: [Turning away from Geary, and heading back to the lift] Yeah, these people are idio-aiieeee! [Gets stuck in the closing lift door]

[The door opens again immediately, showing that TOBY is still in there.]

Toby: Going up?

03.09.018

Austin : [Glances around] This is the same ground floor. The lift obviously thinks that we need to be here.

03.09.019

Toby: [Sighs and looks at Charlie] I thought you said he wasn't crazy. [To Austin] Elevators don't think. You press the buttons [points to a panel of buttons] and that tells it where to go.


;;; Heather's out today

Charlie: He's not crazy, he's just very special. [Gets back into the lift]

03.09.020

Austin : [To Toby] I am not crazy. How was I supposed to know that the lift was button operated. Are there instructions? No. And for your information we do not have such [waves his hand at the lift] machines in our time.

03.09.021

Toby: [Unphazed] Sure. [To Charlie] Floor 20?

Charlie: Uh...yes! Yes, indeed.

[TOBY presses the button and the door closes, before the lift gives a lurch and starts moving.]

03.09.022

Harvey : Hmm, not quite as smooth as we first thought, dear niece!


;;; Also away for the afternoon!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.023

[Bing! The lift stops.]

Toby: Well? Your floor?

Alice: [To the party] We're floor? What the hell is that supposed to mean? Some sort of insult?

03.09.024

Fred: Calm, Alice. I assume this is just the way people say goodbye here. [To Toby] You're floor, too. [Moves out of the lift]

03.09.024

Austin : [To Alice] I do not believe so. I think he means that we have the floor, i.e. it is ours to occupy, or in layman's terms, this is where we get out of the lift.

03.09.025

Dur: [Dives out of the lift] At last! Solid ground!

03.09.026

Dur: Uhhh... We're here about the man that assaulted us this morning?

03.09.027

Tilly: [Lets out a long, exasperated sigh] And who are you?

03.09.028

Fred: Lost travelers in search of answers. Oh, and compensation, too.

03.09.029

Tilly: I see. And do you have an [pause] appointment?

03.09.030

Dur: Of course we do! [Dramatically] WITH DESTINY!

03.09.031

ook.]=0A=0A=0A;;; So I woke up today, looked at the clock, saw "12:45" blinking at me, =0A;;; and had a heart attack. It's been an eventful morning!= =0A=0A=0A

03.09.032

Charlie: [Steps forward] Indeed, I do! [To Tilly] Good morning, associate! It has been delightful making small-talk with you, but I really must be going to work now. [To the party] Come, group! [Attempts to walk past the reception desk toward an office area]


;;;Yikes!

03.09.033

Harvey : [Bows to the receptionist] Toodle pip my dear! It's been a pleasure, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.034

Alice: [Gives a friendly wave] You're floor!

[The party start to stroll nonchalantly towards the right, where there is a large office space.]

Tilly: [Just as the party have gone passed her desk] Pardon me, but this appointment? I'm quite sure you know that unauthorized personnel are now permitted in the office area, and you are heading in the direction of the office area. Although it seems preposterous to even consider that you would even think about planning to bring unauthorized personnel into the office area, I feel I must point out that no, you cannot bring unauthorized people into the office area.

Alice: [Points at the office area] Is this the office area?

Tilly: Yes.

Alice: Am I unauthorized?

Tilly: Yes.

Alice: Am I a person?

Tilly: Apparently.

03.09.035

Austin : [Sighs] Well, now that we have that sorted out, does any one care? [Looks at his chicken, then chuckles] I don't think that Hamlet cares, do you? [Pretends to listen to his trust chicken] No. I didn't think so.

03.09.036

Tilly: [Rolls her eyes in an exhausted fashion] Is he going to become violent and kill us all?

Alice: [Looks Austin up and down, before turning to Tilly] I guess it depends on what mood Hamlet is in, but, I must warn you, we just came from a restaurant that chops the fingers off chickens.

03.09.036

Charlie: [To Alice, confused] I thought his arm was named "Maplet"?

03.09.037

Alice: No, that's his hand. His arm is called Maplin. His chicken, on the other hand, [looks to Austin for confirmation] which is no doubt some sort of magical chicken, is called Hamlin.

03.09.037

Austin : [To Charlie] I can see why you have to write everything down. His name is Maplin, and you would do well to remember that.

03.09.038

[TILLY coughs to get the party's attention and, when they look in her direction, they see that she is holding up a small sign that says "Please: No talking about forearms."]

03.09.039

Harvey : Does that topic of conversation occur much in this office?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.040

Tilly: Hardly ever, but it is always good to be prepared. Now, do you have an appointment? If not, please state your business here.

Alice: Uh, okay. [Walks behind the desk and virtually stands on top of Tilly, much to her obvious discomfort] Selling lizard meat burgers and cutting fingers off chickens.

03.09.041

Harvey : [Doing the same, but from the opposite side] And not forgetting, getting attacked by some stranger with a shiny big bang stick!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.042

Tilly: Please! What I meant is tell why you came up here!

03.09.043

Charlie: Why, to go to work, of course!

03.09.044

Tilly: [Gives a twitch] Not you! The rest of them!

03.09.045

Austin : [To Tilly] Do I work here too?

03.09.046

Tilly: Not on this floor, you don't!

Alice: Hey, I thought we were going to sue someone!

03.09.047

Harvey: Indeed we are, dear niece! [To Tilly] Please call Ms Someone and tell her we have arrived, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.048

Last time Colin #47

Fred: And now my head hurts. Please can we go back to our world? I miss being able to bludgeon life's difficulties with my axe...

03.09.049

Tilly: There is no Ms. Someone here. Now, do you have an appointment? Shall we look in the book?

[TILLY opens a huge book and starts scanning down through the page.]

Tilly: You certainly don't seem to have an appointment. [Slams the book shut] What are your names?

Alice: [Pointing to each party member in turn] Alice Krapper, Austin and Charlie Dribbler, Clint and Dur Dwight, Fred Sloop and Harvey Smith.

Tilly: [Raises an eyebrow in surprise and consults the book again] You do have an appointment. Tomorrow, at 9AM.

03.09.050

Charlie: Marvelous! With whom is the appointment?

03.09.050

Fred: [Frustrated] A whole day? Wait, why did we already have an appointment?

03.09.051

Tilly: You don't know with whom it is or why you made it? [Sighs again, before consulting the book, but raises her eyebrows in surprise] Your appointment is with Mr. Detrimentus, and, hm, this can't be right. [Looks at the party, clearly somewhat taken aback] When did you make the appointment?

03.09.052

Dur: Don't you have it written down in that book?From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.141.1.20 with SMTP id d20cs149308rvi; Fri, 21 May 2010 06:50:42 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <valurs@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of valurs@gmail.com designates 10.213.53.75 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.213.53.75; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of valurs@gmail.com designates 10.213.53.75 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=valurs@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=valurs@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.213.53.75] ) by 10.213.53.75 with SMTP id l11mr811041ebg.31.1274449841791 (num_hops = 1); Fri, 21 May 2010 06:50:41 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=oPv15H76EA28fp4OZegZ5hhMltCwM4jt0z/7Oyr0SbA=; b=ED5BW/CTQWr3aYIJHz/Ej6I2lU2WspCmv8PwnLH9bQIU6j0+bl+EntlH9+N0ijThno 542mk9r8lDp7WsUgBdFuHWHJJVw+lSPP704s3UvoVnXMRTeGt7nsw0V+AWsaTh0vjFxU zdf1eyPZQHa9TG/wxzzvZqZvYPUfA1ILuJYQUDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=XM5f3/Smatq1REevGADykXO3+6DPC43XgsgpiP3C2WBrzh/23i6RUf2wzAbnfKG7fV p9TKvTff8E5FNL0Ss8GQc409Imu5sFM/T7zUbx8+FI3JeRHNwvCDZsOQt4idJ1ekMgbw ArcLOqFQwbKU0XTo8cN4jJ2FaYAB28yxSsYrwMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.213.53.75 with SMTP id l11mr433368ebg.31.1274449841598; Fri, 21 May 2010 06:50:41 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.213.31.76 with HTTP; Fri, 21 May 2010 06:50:41 -0700 (PDT) Date: Fri, 21 May 2010 14:50:41 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTimBTxSEd8bjrvgAi2646K5U25s9Jq2qTrPbq7gq@mail.gmail.com> To: Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com> Cc: Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <thg8rguy@yahoo.com>, "Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NADay" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Fred: Humorous thing that. We have no clue! [Smiles awkwardly]

03.09.052

Austin : [To Tilly, in a friendly manner] We have no idea, one of our numerous assistants made it for us, obviously. Do I look like I trouble myself with such trivialities?

03.09.053

Dur: Don't you have it written down in that book?

Tilly: That's just it, it is marked with PB, which means the appointment was made before we started using this book.


;;; Heather's afk

Charlie: When did you start using this book?

Tilly: [Clearly expecting shocked gasps] 1912.

03.09.054

Austin : [To Tilly] And what year is it now? [Sighs] It is so hard to keep track of the years with all the time traveling we do! [Looks at his chicken] Is that not the case Hamlet? [Hamlet nods in agreement. Austin smirks]

03.09.055

Tilly: 2014!

03.09.056

Austin : [Looks impressed] Wow! [To Alice] Is this the furthest we have ever been into the future? [Looks at Hamlet, who looks at Austin, then both look back to Alice] This is quite fun.

03.09.057

Alice: But a little disconcerting. I mean, who made the appointment in the first place? [To Tilly] So, all you can tell us is that the appointment was made before 1912?

Tilly: Yes.

03.09.058

Austin : And is the person that we have the appointment with more that 100 years old?

03.09.059

Tilly: I don't know how old he is, but it seems highly unlikely that he is even close to that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have work to do. I will speak to you in the morning.

03.09.060

Harvey : Very well, sounds like a reason to have a second stab at getting some food!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.061

Alice: Good idea, Harv! Maybe we should go back to our own building? It's all a bit too dangerous here.

03.09.062

Austin : We could go for a look around, we might find some spectacular futuristic tailors! [Looks enthusiastic]

03.09.063

Charlie: [Fretting] Should I really shirk my work duties, though? No doubt this place is highly dependent upon my services!

03.09.063

t: I say we look for our jobs so we can earn enough money to buy one of those boom sticks so we can take it back with us and *really* kick some ass!= =0A=0A=0A=0A

03.09.064

Harvey : I am with you private, but for the finely tailored clothing, expensive perfumes and cheap liquor. Our breakfast was disturbed, so let you fin= d somewhere else to dine outselves into oblivion! I have a hankering for golden honeyed locusts which will just not go away.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.064

Fred: Oooh, maybe by this time they have boom sticks that shoot axes!

03.09.065

ind somewhere else to dine outselves into oblivion! I have a hankering for golden honeyed locusts which will just not go away.

Charlie: Very well, though I can't say I approve of skipping work. Let us go feed the colonel!

03.09.065

o what we got here?=0A=0A;;; So a while back Conor pointed out that whatever it is that I've got =0A;;; set on my yahoo account is all sorts of confus= ing to the logger. =0A;;; Try adding my rice email (th4@rice.edu) to the distribution list. =0A;;; Of course, first I need to make sure it doesn't a= ll just get =0A;;; filtered out by zee spam filters, but once I get that taken care of, =0A;;; we should just be able to do things that way and hopefu= lly get the =0A;;; logger unconfused!=0A=0A=0A

03.09.066

Tilly: You have [with disdain] got to leave.

Alice: I'm with Austin, let's blow some of our cash on finely tailored clothing, expensive perfumes and cheap liquor.


;;; Thanks Tom!

03.09.066

Alice: Yay! [Walks towards the elevator] This is gonna be great! I just can't wait! [Waits for the elevator] Hm. How come the door isn't opening? [Knocks on the door] Hello? Hello?

03.09.067

Fred: Oh look, a button! I wonder what it does... [Pushes the button repeatedly.]

03.09.068

[Nothing happens.]

Alice: It must be broken. [Hits it hard a few times] Nope. I think we're stuck here.

[Bing! The doors open, revealing an empty lift.]

03.09.069

Harvey: Well done dear niece! It must be voice activated, but you need to obviously tell it not to do something, in order for it to do something, what= !

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.070

Alice: You mean kind of like Clint?

[Everyone gets in, and the door closes. Soon after, the party arrive back to the ground floor. Standing outside is GEARY, the security guard.]

Geary: And you say this man had a gun?

03.09.071

Charlie: [To Geary, breezily] What ARE you talking about? We said nothing of the kind. Now, where might we find a safe place to eat, preferably free of enraged gunmen?

03.09.072

Geary: Oh no, no one leaves here until I get some answers!

[Enter JT, who whispers something to GEARY.]

Geary: [To the party] Okay then, off you go!

JT: Right folks! Let's get some eats, but hold the psychos!

03.09.073

Harvey : Finally! Let us gorge ourselves on the finest delicacies availablein this timeframe, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.074

Austin : Unfortunately, that might be equivalent to 'barely edible', in this juncture.

03.09.075

JT: [Gestures for the party to follow him out the front door] Guys, I have the perfect place for you, Seamus O'Murrays, it's a fantastic Scots-Irish restaurant, serving all the best food from Scotland and Ireland. [Goes a little dreamy at the thought of it] Mm-mm! Haggis, black pudding, you'll love it!

Alice: [Excited] Wow! Haggis and black pudding? Sounds great!

03.09.076

Charlie: [Disappointed] Couldn't we go somewhere that serves cucumber sandwiches?

03.09.077

Clint: Why the hell would we want to do that?!


;;; So let's see if this is any better, eh?

03.09.078

Alice: Come on, Charlie! Black pudding? That sounds delish! [To JT] What is it? Some sort of delicious cake?

JT: [Leading the party to the van they came in on, which is parked right outside the door, even though there are no others around] It's mainly congealed blood.

Alice: [Pauses] Cucumber sandwiches, eh? White bread, I hope?

03.09.078

Austin : [Shrugs] She is quite odd sometimes. [Looks at Hamlet, who looks at Austin. Then the both look at odd Charlie]

03.09.079


;;; Kevin is out today

Dur: She sure is -- congealed blood? My favourite!

[Everyone loads into the car.]

JT: Right, gang. What's it to be? Knee deep in blood, puke and sawdust at Seamus O'Murrays? Or boring tea and bland sandwiches at Miss Milligans?

03.09.080

Charlie: [Quickly] Miss Milligans, and step on it!

03.09.081

JT: Miss Milligans it is!

[The car pulls out onto a much larger street, which is quite busy.]

Alice: [Points at a motorbike] Hey! Look at that -- it's like a horse but with no legs, head, tail or trail of poop.

[The party turn to look at this feat of modern engineering and can't help but notice that the driver is dressed exactly the same as the man who attacked them back at the restaurant.]

03.09.082

Clint: Stop that... whatever it is! He attacked us before and I want a piece of him! [Looks for something to throw at the rider.]

03.09.082

Austin : I hope that one does not cause a disturbance and wreck our seats. [Waves at the motorcyclist to see if he is friendly]

03.09.083

Fred: Gah! Accursed assailant! [To JT] Where are the weapons in this carriage?

03.09.084

JT: Weapons? [Laughs] Why would you want a weapon?

[The motorbike rider takes out a gun and fires at the window, causing everyone to duck down.]

Alice: [On the ground, shouting to Clint] Maybe you could throw some broken glass at him?

03.09.085

Fred: This is why I don't want to go around unarmed! [Tears off his shoe and hurls it at the motorcyclist.]

03.09.086

Clint: [Ponders throwing JT at the motorcyclist but decides against it and instead takes off his jacket and tosses hit, trying to hit the motorcyclist in the face with it and blind him.]

03.09.087

Austin : [Ducks, screams] These people are crazy!


;;;; might be out all day today.

03.09.088

[CLINT's jacket just blows away, but FRED's shoe hits the driver in the face, causing him to lose control and come off the bike.]

JT: [Struggling to keep control of the car] Holy crap! Who have you guys been annoying?

03.09.089

Charlie: [Astonished] Why, no one! We are typically well-liked everywhere we go. I don't suppose you know anything about these cycling gangs?

03.09.090

JT: Nothing! [Slowing the car down] As far as I know, bikers almost never go around shooting people!

[Another bike zooms up behind the party, this time driven by DAVE SOOT.]

Alice: Oh no! Look! He's got a gun too!

03.09.090

Fred: Well-liked? It is my experience that no matter what we do, everyone ends up hating us. In fact, it is always an unnerving experience whenever someone aids us!

03.09.091

[DAVE has a shot gun, which he fires at the back of the car, taking out the back window.]

Alice: Fred! How many left shoes have you got? [Shakes her head and thinks for a moment] I mean, how many shoes have you got left?

03.09.092

Fred: One! [Takes it off and throws at Dave] None!

03.09.093

Harvey : [Taking off a shoe] Take this, brigand! [Fires the shoe out the window]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.093

[DAVE shoots the shoe in mid air, showering the party in cheap leather and shredded odour eaters.]

Alice: [Screams] I think I swallowed one!

[The sound of another bike roars into earshot. This one sounds enormous, and is deafening, completely overpowering the sound of DAVE's one.]

03.09.094

Alice: Wow! Nice heels, Harvey! How on earth can you walk in them?

[The shoe narrowly misses, but DAVE has to swerve to avoid it. All the time the sound of the other bike gets louder and louder, until it suddenly appears behind the car. This is DICK MUDD.]

Alice: [Looking at Dick's bike in the rear view mirror] Holy crap! He's so loud, and he's still very far away!

03.09.095

Charlie: I think perhaps he's just very small!

03.09.096

Alice: [Looks behind her] Yikes! I think you're right, Charlie!

JT: Right! Looks like we can forget Miss Milligans! [Puts the car into reverse and crashes into Dave, driving right over him] I think we need to get you back to Shangri La as fast as possible!

03.09.097

Charlie: Splendid, take us there at once! Such a place must surely have all the cucumber sandwiches we can eat!

03.09.098

Harvey : Why are these people after us, eh?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.099

Alice: To hurt us, I bet!

JT: [Zooming through traffic, still under fire] I'm kind of curious about that myself, Harv! No one told me that this sort of thing would be going on. [Reaches into his jacket and takes out a small gun] Anyone know how to use one of these?

03.09.100

Dur: Perhaps a breif instruction is in order [look at the gun warily] .

03.09.101

JT: Mama mia! Just point it at the bad guy and shoot!


;;; Dom's out

Austin: [Examines his nails briefly] Perhaps some briefer and more simple?

03.09.102

Dur: [Tries to take the gun and throw it at one of the cyclists] Like that?

03.09.103

[DUR throws the gun, and it harmlessly lands on the road.]

JT: [Horrified] No! I don't like that at all!

[The party see the Shangri La building (their apartment building) come into view, just as both bikers get close enough to shoot more. Incredibly, no one has been hit and, even though all four tires have now been shredded, the car is still going.]

03.09.104

Dur: [Looking thoughtful] Hmmmm... Perhaps I should have aimed before throwing?

03.09.105

Fred: That is usually better. Here, watch this. [Takes off his jacket and throws it at one of the bikers.]

03.09.106

Alice: No, use a shoe! [Takes off one of her shoes]

All: Put it on! Put it on!

Alice: [Dismayed] Hey!

[Before FRED gets to throw his jacket at the bikers, the car pulls up outside Shangri La apartments, and the bikers turn and drive off, even though the car is simply parked outside the door of the building.]

JT: [Exhausted and sweating] Whew! That was close!

03.09.107

Charlie: How extraordinary! Are they fearful of this building? [Excited] Does it have some mystical properties?

03.09.108

Harvey : It would appear so dear girl, unless of course those brigands are only interested in the chase, and not the catch, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.109

JT: Uh, you know, I'm uh, I'm really not sure. So, I'll see you guys tomorrow, right?

03.09.110

Dur: Unless this biker gang catches up with us, or we have found a way backto our proper time, I suspect you shall.=

03.09.111

JT: [Uneasily] Yeah, I sure hope they're not waiting outside. Right guys, see you in the morning. [Drives off, leaving a trail of car parts behind him]

03.09.112

Clint: Random strangers trying to kill us, huh? [Takes a deep breath and stretches.] At least *something* about this time is familiar!

03.09.113

Harvey : Quite right, private! What an eventful first day at work!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.114

Alice: I wonder if this happens to these people all the time. You know, I'm starting to think we're not rich at all, that we're paid a pittance! Why would anyone want to kill us?

03.09.115

Charlie: People here do seem rather angry, don't they? I wonder what is so special about this building that scares the cyclers?

03.09.116

Austin : Perhaps it is a sanctuary. [Searches his pockets for a mirror, but cant find one. Frowns]

03.09.117

Harvey : Either that, private, or they've all met your future selfs mother,what! [Laughs long, loud and alone]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.118

Alice: [After a long, embarrassing and lonely silence] So. Will we head in? Back to the Love Shack?

03.09.119

Charlie: I should like to explore this building further. Perhaps we could look in the basement?

03.09.120

Harvey : Oh, you mean the ground floor! See that troop, I'm already speaking like a native of this time!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.09.121

Alice: I've a better idea, Charlie, let's check the basement! [To Harvey] That's the one under the ground floor!

[Enter ALL, into Shangri La.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

03.10.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene X. The Basement. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, having managed the lift without too much drama. There are actually three basement floors (B1, B2 and B3) and the party have started with the deepest. When the door opens, it seems as though the party are in a huge warehouse, a massive open area with boxes stacked up everywhere.]

Alice: [Looks around] Wow! What is this? A box factory?

03.10.002

Austin : [To Charlie] I expect that this reminds you somewhat of the toilets in the basement of the Agricultural college?

03.10.003

Alice: Why? Is that it reminds you of, Aus?

03.10.003

Charlie: [To Austin] What a peculiar notion! How ever would they fit the fixtures and such in among all these boxes? [Looks around] Hmm, I wonder what could be inside these boxes? [Tries to pry a box open to peek inside]

03.10.004

[Some of the boxes are taped down, but several are open. The one CHARLIE looks into is full of clothes, while ALICE checks out a one that contains several lamps.]

Alice: This is great! Can we just keep this stuff?

[The party are distracted by a scurrying noise over to one side, that sounds like a fairly large animal.]

03.10.005

Austin : [Moves to the middle of the party] That might be a guard dog? Perhaps Fred should try to befriend it?

03.10.006

Fred: Excellent idea! [Whistles for the animal]

03.10.007

[No response.]

Alice: [Points over to where it came from] I think it was there.

03.10.008

Dur: [Hiding behind Charlie] Maybe someone should go check it out? [Nudges Charlie forward]

03.10.009

Charlie: [Wiggles away from Dur] Fine, but do stop poking at me! [Calls out] Hello? Is there anyone/thing there?

03.10.010

[More scurrying, followed by what sounds like sniggering, but the party can see that some of the boxes nearby are disturbed, but then everything goes quiet.]

Alice: Hey! Maybe there's someone with the animal!

03.10.011

Austin : [Sighs] It sounds as if they might be dressed up as an animal, in a rather poor attempt to surprise us. Rather geeky, is it not?

03.10.012

Dur: [Looks terrified] Indeed!

03.10.013

Alice: Or maybe as a chicken!

[There's no sign of any animal. After a few moments, the party can see a box, clearly large enough to fit a person in, slowly edging away from them.]

03.10.014

Fred: Whoa, they have self-moving boxes too, just like the carriages?

03.10.015

Austin : My go first! [Runs up to the box and sits on it] Well, not as comfortable as a carriage.

03.10.016

[The box continues to snigger as it moves away, only for it to be squashed when AUSTIN sits on it. There is a definite scream from it as it deforms.]

Alice: Austin! You killed it!

03.10.017

Dur: Perhaps it can be revived?

03.10.017

Austin : [Giggles] I did not know it was alive, perhaps there is something inside? [Tries to lift the box off]

03.10.019

Harvey : I say, what are you doing here, fellow! And may I suggest that youpurchase one of those carriages made of metal, they seem far more robust!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.020

Jim: Very funny, Harvey, really, very funny.

Alice: [To Harvey] You should tell him the one about Austin's mother, he'll probably love that!

03.10.021

Harvey : [Laughs long and loud and alone before looking confused] Who?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.021

Austin : [To Jim, indignantly] Perhaps you could tell us what is going on here? Is this also a game? You seem to find it all terribly amusing.

03.10.022

Austin : [Dryly] It sems as though everyone is finding this quite hilarious. [To Hamlet] What was that? [Leans closer to Hamlet and listens to something. To Hamlet] Yes, I thought so too.

03.10.023

Clint: So, Jimbo, what the hell is going on here and why does the lawyer think his chicken talks?

03.10.024

Jim: Yeesh, calm down, guys! I was just playing a trick on you. It's so rarely that anyone comes down here, I was just excited.

Alice: If this is how excited you get when people come down, is it any wonder people don't come down?

Jim: Hey, this is what I do. Everyone knows I love jokes involving boxes. Why else do you think everyone calls me Box?

Alice: Does everyone call you Box?

Jim: Yes!


;;; Dom's out today

Austin: I don't. [Listens to Hamlet for a moment] Neither does Hamlet.

Alice: Neither do I.

03.10.025

Charlie: Well, I shall, but I shall also find it very off-putting. Haven't you a proper name at all?


;;;Wow, Tom, you're up very late! Or very early! : )

03.10.026

Jim: [Looks around at the party] Oh, I see! [Gives a smile] You're still riffing on that whole [waves his hands around vaguely] we're the real Queens View party thing, aren't you? Well, given that I'm that powerful wizard who brought you to this mysterious time, don't you think you should show a little more respect?

[The party form a huddle to discuss this, so he can't hear them.]

Alice: He makes a good point. On the other hand, he was hiding in a box, so that probably loses some respect.

03.10.027

Harvey : So he brought us here to have us attacked by various people? I'm not happy at all!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.028

Austin : I think we are well into disrespect now.


;;; off to another meeting shortly :(

03.10.029

Fred: Indeed. Whatever he was in our timeframe, here he seems to be little more than a puny douchebag. I say we kick his ass until either he tells us what's going on or until we feel better.

03.10.030

Alice: [Glances up to see Jim picking his nose, before inspecting the snot] Are we sure he knows anything?

03.10.031

Dur: Are we ever sure of anything? Besides, he's the one who brought it up.

03.10.032

Alice: Are you sure?

03.10.033

Dur: [Scratches his head] This could go on for hours, maybe we should just question him? At the very least, maybe he knows why those ruffians stopped = chasing us when we got back to the building.

03.10.034

Alice: [Glances up at the increasingly uncomfortable looking Jim for a moment] Or, we could talking about him like this, giving him the occasional angry look, that'll get him good and freaked out.

03.10.035

Fred: I concur. [Gives Jim a menacing glare.]

03.10.036


;;; Heather's afk

Charlie: This could be rather fun! [Fixes Jim with a steely glare, and slowly shakes her head, before looking back down at the party] I think he's terrified! That was exhilarating!

Jim: Come on, guys! What's going on?

03.10.037

Harvey : [Glaring at Jim] Infact, he might be in cahoots with those ruffians firing at us earlier!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.038

Jim: [Glances at the lift] Look, I'm going to leave now, but really, you guys shouldn't even be down here!

03.10.039

Fred: [Frowns at Jim] And why not?

03.10.040

Jim: Well, er, you know, it is a restricted area. People store valuable stuff down here. We can't have just anyone coming in!

03.10.041

Fred: [Rubs his hands together] How valuable are we talking here?

03.10.042

Clint: [Excited] Are there any of those "gun" things that we could use next time some lunatic on a "motorcycle" tries to kill us?


;;; Wow, I'm really sorry all. For the fourth day in a row, I've inexplicably

;;; overslept by 1 1/2 hours. Am beginning to be a bit concerned.

03.10.043

Jim: [Bewildered] What? No! Who tried to kill you?


;;; So are we all!

03.10.044

Harvey : [Shrugs] Practically everyone we've met so far in this cursed place!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.045

Jim: [Indignantly] Well, I didn't try to kill you!

Alice: What about when you jumped on our box?

Jim: Look guys, I don't know what your problem is, but you know, I was going to offer to play another session with you tonight in the rumpus room, 'cos the last one was so great, but if you're gonna be like this, then you can find another Gamesmaster!

03.10.046

Clint: [Appalled] I don't know what kind of a sick freak you think I am, but I am *not* going to play with you in the rumpus room, tonight or any night! And I'm not going to call you Gamesmaster, or Daddy, or anything else like that, either! [Looks to the party for support.]

03.10.047

Charlie: Perhaps, Mr. Scar, it might be wise to try it briefly, after all, that is how we seem to have got here in the first place.

03.10.048

Fred: I agree with Charlie. It is entirely imaginable that this occult game is the bridge back to our own time. [To Jim] You will engage us in this "game", in the rumpus room, and attempt to send us back where we belong.

03.10.049

Clint: Fine, I guess. [To Jim] But keep your hands to yourself!

03.10.050

Harvey : Very well then! [To Jim] On you go, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.051

Jim: [Nervously] Er, okay, let's go up to the rumpus room.

[Everyone gets into the lift again.]

Jim: I thought you were all at work. How come you're not?

03.10.052

Austin : We all gave up work to save the world [Chuckles as Hamlet nods in agreement]


;;;; in and out again today, sighs.

03.10.053

Jim: Oh? So none of you work in Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro anymore?

03.10.054

Harvey : None of us ever worked in Baskin, Sleapar and the other one.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.055

Jim: What? You all work there! At least, in the building!

Charlie: [To Harvey] Strictly speaking, Colonel, he is correct.

03.10.056

Austin : What the colonel means is that this is the first time that we have ever traveled to this time. Most of our previous time traveling exploits have been before our own time, which is the thirteenth century. [Casually checks his nails]

03.10.057

Fred: Indeed, main- wait, what previous time traveling exploits?

03.10.058

Austin : Rolls his eyes and sighs] Well, there was the time that we went back really early in time and met Aphi and Bjorseth. There was the whole sundial thing and the scalies and Adam, and well a whole load of other times, like the time we met Phili and I ... [waves his hand dismissively] lots of times.

03.10.059

Fred: But... How... When... The paradoxes... [Shakes his head] Gah, nevermind, let's just do this...

03.10.060

Dur: Indeed. We have a strict policy of not concerning ourselves with our own actions and experiences. The questions would be endless.=20


;;; I'll be out in a training class today too. Oh and Conor, I think my sister is pondering joining the list.

03.10.061

Alice: There've never been any paradoxes, Fred, it's weird, but even when we try to change things, they seem to turn out the way they were supposed to.

[Bing. The lift opens, and the party are just outside the rumpus room. JIM leads the party in, and gestures for them all to sit around.]

Jim: Right! Last time, the party were being chased by some baddies. Fred, roll a d20 to make a wisdom roll.


;;; Oh no! As if one of you wasn't bad enough!!!

03.10.062

Austin : Did we really play such and incredibly geeky game?

03.10.063

Jim: [Excited] Oh! That's right! You, Harvey and Clint must all save versus poison, or [sniggers] you'll all turn into girls. Dur, you're unconscious, and Alice, you and Charlie are both scantily dressed and chained up, ready for the sacrifice. The dragon stops chasing the others when he sees you [puts on an embarrassingly bad deep voice] Ah! Virgins!

Alice: [Slowly looks around at the others, appalled] Austin, I think we're the biggest group of losers I've ever heard of!

03.10.064

Austin : Why do dragons like virgin women? They are dragons! Not men. [Sigh] I'll never understand such geekery.

03.10.065

Jim: [Enthusiastically] Come on guys! d20! d20!

Alice: [To the party, confused] Who are the twenty? Is it us? Because I can't help but notice, there isn't twenty of us here!

03.10.066

Austin : [Tuts at Alice] There are not twenty of us here! [Sighs] Your grammar really is terrible, considering how many finishing schools you attended.

03.10.067

Alice: No, Austin, your grammar really are terrible. [Sighs and rolls her eyes] If you had been to finishing school, you'd know that.

03.10.068

Austin : [Smirks. To Alice] I are terrible is I?


;;;awa hame, have a good weekend!

03.10.069

Clint: Nah. What you are is a weirdo who talks to a rubber chicken!

03.10.070

Harvey : And a zombie, returned from the dead, private!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.071

Fred: [Sweating and holding his head in his hands.] I don't understand what I'm supposed to do!

03.10.072

Clint: It's real simple, Fred. First, you put on a pocket protector and glasses, then you roll this die thing, and then you forget about ever getting laid again, and tada!

03.10.073

Charlie: [Throwing herself in the role, speaking in a pitifully high-pitched and squeaky bimbo-in-distress voice] Save us, Fred! Save us, for we are growing quite uncomfortable in these constraining and revealing outfits and with nary a brain or sword between us! [Throws an arm around Alice in comradeship]

03.10.074

Fred: [Makes a frightened, confused sound and rolls the die.]

03.10.075

Alice: [Hugging Charlie] We're all gonna die!

[The dice throws up an 18.]

Jim: Oh! Too bad!

03.10.076

Charlie: [Gasps] Surely 18 is a very good roll?!

03.10.077

Jim: Hey! I'm the GM! [To Austin, Harvey and Clint] Right, roll!

[Each of them roll a twenty sided dice. AUSTIN gets 19, HARVEY gets 17 and CLINT gets 2.]

Jim: [Hardly able to contain himself, and constantly bursting into sniggers] Boom! Harvey and Austin will turn into girls!

Alice: Wow! When is that going to happen?

Jim: It just did!

Alice: [Looking at Harvey and Austin, who seem no girlier than usual] I don't think so.

03.10.078

Charlie: [To Jim] Your dice appear to be broken! [To the party] Come, this man is only playing a game. And to think, I thought we might find some type of awe-inspiring source of power in this basement! Most disappointing.

03.10.079

Alice: You mean we're not a pair of bimbos? Phew!

Jim: Come on, guys! What's wrong? Last night was the best game ever!

03.10.080

Charlie: [Laying it on very thick] Who can remember?! Goodness, was I ever intoxicated! I thought surely I would vomit during the night, and [touches her head tenderly] my what a dreadful headache I have today! [To Jim] Why don't you tell us about the game, so that we can fill in the shameful blackout period?


;;;That would be my three!

03.10.081

Austin : [Nods in agreement] Yes, we would really like to know what is going on here.

03.10.082

Dur: [To Jim] I would tell them what they want to know before the 'accidents' start happening.=20

03.10.082

Jim: [Sighs, annoyed] Look, I know I'm getting paid to run this game for you, but honestly, you're all just crap. Now you're telling me that you don't even know what's going on?

03.10.083

Alice: [Disgusted] Are you going to pee yourself?

03.10.083

Austin : [Grimaces] Oh no, you are not going to have one of your accidents now are you? Do you even own a change of clothing? [To Jim] Please tell him and spare us all the smell.

03.10.084

Dur: [Throws his hands up in frustration] Oh for Phili's sake! Soil yourself a few dozen times and counting and no one will let you live it down! [To = Jim] What do you mean you're being paid?

03.10.085

Last from Kevin 84

Jim: I get a sum of money to run these games for you. It seems odd to me, but I'm sure it's some sort of work perk.

03.10.085

Fred: Are you telling us that not only are we spending time playing this shitty game but that we're PAYING you for it?

03.10.086

Austin : [To Jim] But who is paying you on our behalf?

03.10.087

Jim: That dude from Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro who's always hanging around you guys. He said it was part of some work place experiment. And hey, you guys get paid extra for it too, don't you?

03.10.088

Austin : I don't think we get paid at all. [Looks glum]

03.10.089

Fred: On the other hand, we do not seem to be doing much actual work, either.

03.10.090

Clint: [Casually.] So, tell us about this guy who's always hanging around us so I can go beat seven kinds of hell out of him!

03.10.091

Alice: [Aghast, to Fred] What's that got to do with anything?

Jim: The kind of sleazy looking guy, JT. [To Austin] And you do all get paid extra, even though you don't really understand why.

Harvey: Who told you that?

Jim: Alice.

Alice: It certainly sounds like the kind of thing I'd say.

03.10.092

Clint: Well, let's go find this JT guy and find out why he's paying us so much and what the hell he has to do with us being here! [Tries to crack his knuckles ominously and fails miserably.] Gah!

03.10.093

Harvey : Gah! Now that sounds more like the kind of thing I'd say!


;;; Sorry all - really busy here at work.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.094

Fred: Before we find JT, what's our status on beating up this guy? [Hooks a thumb towards Jim, not bothering to lower his voice.] Are we or aren't we?

03.10.095

Austin : Perhaps you two could delay beating anyone up until we have spoken to our lawyer tomorrow. [Casually checks his finger nails]

03.10.096

JT: Uh, I'd pretty much come down on the side against beating me up, if that's okay?

03.10.096

Clint: Hey, where's the fun in that?!

03.10.097

Harvey : You! Tell us what the blue blazes is going on here, and why you have us involved in this!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.098

Austin : You would be well advised to tell us everything you know. We have a meeting with our lawyer first thing in the morning.

03.10.099


;;; Gah! My mistake, JT isn't even there, it was JIM! I'll answer as though

;;; they were talking to Jim.

Jim: [Getting a little teary] I didn't involve you! JT came and told me that Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro would pay me to run a game for you, and [points at Alice] you told me that each of you guys was paid extra to play, as some sort of team building exercise! [Terrified] Is your lawyer going to sue Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro?

03.10.100

Charlie: [To Jim] Well, the game has certainly united us in our dislike for the game! What is the goal in this little game, beyond team-building? Or is it simply that we continually roll dice, you tell us that the result is bad, then we repeat the process?

03.10.101

Jim: Well -- uh -- hm. Yeah, I guess that's pretty much it, I guess. [Defiantly] But it's really great fun! Come on! Pretending you defeated the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Killing demons? Saving the world? Can you imagine anything better than pretending to do that?

03.10.102

Charlie: [Scoffs] We do those sorts of things on a routine basis! I can show you the paperwork to prove it.

03.10.103

Jim: [Crestfallen] Sure you do. Well, I suppose I better call Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro and tell them you're not playing anymore. Unless... [brightens up, clearly expecting one of the party to finish his thought]

03.10.104

Charlie: Unless we continue pointlessly rolling dice and being told the number is insufficient? What possible motivation could you give us to consent to that?


;;;That's my three!

03.10.105

Jim: How about a [dramatically] plus five sword!

03.10.106

Fred: Make that an axe and you have my attention.

03.10.107

Harvey : Make that a plus five course meal and you have mine!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.10.108

Jim: Right, let's see! [Rolls the dice and gets a one] Uh, yay! Plus five axe and plus five course dinner! [Looks around] So, we're cool, right?

03.10.108

Austin : I am not so easily bought. I would require a finely tailored suit, some suitable shoes, a silk shirt and a tie. And a hat, a fine felt hat, and, ooh! And Becaphalus, the wonder sword. [Nods]

03.10.109

Jim: [Rolls the dice again, and it falls off the table] There you go! Beautiful clothes and Mocaphalus the Wonder Sword!

03.10.110

Dur: I'm not sure that is what the group meant. I am sure what we really want is to go back to our own time. Can your dice provide that?

03.10.111

Jim: Sure! [Picks up a six sided dice and rolls it] There you go!

Alice: [To the others] You know, I can't help but notice the complete absence of axes, swords, meals, nice clothes and us being in our own time!

03.10.112

Charlie: They appear to be imaginary! [To the party] Group, let us go in search of our own food and so forth. This man cannot help us!

03.10.113

Fred: Indeed. Jim here is naught but a fraud. [Attempts to crack his knuckles menacingly, fails, and substitutes the sound with his mouth] Kkksrht kkksrht.

03.10.114

Alice: Ew! Fred! That'll give you amnesia! [Thinks for a moment] Or is that arthritis?

[Exit the party.]

Jim: [Once they're gone] What a bunch of losers. [Sighs with relief] I could really do with a blow job; I wonder if there's a beautiful woman around. [Rolls a dice and gets a one] Oh no!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up!

03.11.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene XI. The ground floor of Shangri-La. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, without any cool axes, swords, shirts, ties or even food.]

Alice: What'll we do? I don't think we have any money, and if we leave the building, those weird cyclists might come after us.

03.11.002

Austin : [Sighs] One of us must have some money, we all have jobs. Perhaps we should all recheck our belongings and see if there is anything valuable.

03.11.003

Alice: But we could be in trouble if we left the building!

03.11.004

Austin : [Ponders] Perhaps we do not need to leave the building, I expect that they have slaves and servants in this age too, who else could have built all of these immense buildings? We could just pay a servant.

03.11.005

Alice: Good idea, but with what? That guy back in my restaurant didn't seem too impressed at our lack of cents.

03.11.006

Austin : Well, [paces briefly] when we met Phili, the first time, that is the first time in our time line, he gave me his wallet and it had several cards in made from the same stuff that the trays, tables and chairs in the restaurant were made from. Several of them seemed to be to identify oneself to a bank, with an account number and sort code, perhaps they use them instead of account books, and they keep the records in the bank. They would be much less bulky than coins, and therefore do much less damage to the lay of the cloth.

03.11.007

Alice: That's brilliant, Aus! Well done! Let's see them!

03.11.008

Austin : Does anyone have any of these cards from the bank? [Looks around the party]

03.11.009

Charlie: [Laughs] How extraordinary! A card that could be used in the place of money?! I sincerely doubt that would work for anyone but a god!

03.11.010

Alice: [Searches her purse] Hey! I think I have one! [Triumphantly holds up a plastic card. It is a library card]

03.11.010

Austin : [A little smugly. To Jim] Perhaps you could clarify weather or not people in this time use small cards about this size [makes something about the same size with his hands] to get money, or inplace of money?

03.11.011

Charlie: [Excited, snatches the card from Alice] No, it's better than money! [To the party] To the library, group! We can avail of the free facilities and all of you can assist me in my research!

03.11.012

Harvey : Perhaps we should explore the rest of this building first? Find more clues! Fridges full of preferably, not yoghurt!

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03.11.013

Alice: Plus, it doesn't involve us leaving the building, where all the dangerous cyclists are. Not to mention the fact that there'd almost certainly be reading there!


;;; Remember, the party has left the room where Jim was

03.11.014

Fred: I like reading as much as the next man, or rather even more, but will there be food there? Harv mentioned food again. [Gives Harvey a quick glare.]

03.11.015

Clint: Let's sponge off your mum, lawyer. She's bound to have food around and she'll be happy to see you...

03.11.016

Alice: [Nods] Plus, she doesn't seem like a big reader!

03.11.017

Harvey : Wonderful idea, troop! [To Charlie and Austin] We shall be your guests to dinner!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.018

Clint: You can control that old crone you call a mother, right?

03.11.019

Harvey : I'm sure she'll be too busy to complain when she's cooking us up the most sumptous of feasts, private!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.020

Alice: [Enthusiastically] Yeah! There's almost no chance that she'll be too busying complaining to cook up even the blandest of feasts!

[The party get into the lift and head to CHARLIE and AUSTIN's apartment. Within a few minutes they are outside the door.]

03.11.020

Austin : [Surprised] Sumptuous feasts? We did meet the same actress did we not?

03.11.021

Alice: Actress?

03.11.022

Austin : [To Alice] Well she is most certainly not my real, biological mother.

03.11.023

Charlie: Nor is she my mother! Unless-- [hesitates] oh, dear! You don't think we are really these dreadful, drab people and our adventuring has been part of a shared group delusion brought on by so-called role-playing games?!

03.11.024

Harvey : [Scratches at his sideburn] Well, [gestures to his clothes] these are most certainly the garments of some delusional! And let's not forget th= e fridge full of yoghurt, eh!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.024

Austin : [Most indignantly] Certainly not! That would imply that I am a complete simpleton that prefers to wear knitted armor and carries a knitted chicken called Hamlet for comfort [Idly pets Hamlet]

03.11.025

Alice: [Nods at Charlie's words] You could be right, after all, those other guys who came into the room seemed to know an awful lot about us! [Thinks hard] But we did seem to make an appointment over a hundred years ago, so that suggests that we're not just a bunch of knitted chicken petting simpletons. [Strokes Hamlet] Huh, that is strangely reassuring, isn't it?

03.11.026

Austin : Naturally, he is the most trust worthy chicken that was ever knitted. [Strokes Hamlet]

03.11.027

[A voice shouts out from behind the door, it is ESTELLE, CHARLIE and AUSTIN's mother.]

Estelle: Who is that? Who's trying to break into my apartment and kill me?

03.11.027

Charlie: [Encouragingly] And your attachment to him is far less sad and disturbing that your alter-egos attachment to his forearm! Perhaps this reality isn't ALL bad!

03.11.028

Harvey : [Loudly] It is only us, your childrens chums, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.029

Estelle: My children's chums? I hope they treat their chums better than they treat their mother, out all night, gambling, no doubt! [Unlocks the door] I could have died, died!

03.11.030

Austin : But clearly you did not. [Sighs doubtfully] Could you make us some banquets please mother?

03.11.031

Fred: And please relax, you are not going to be butchered any time soon.

03.11.032

Charlie: Of course not, Mummy! Do be a dear and make us some cucumber sandwiches, won't you?

03.11.033

Estelle: What? Cucumber sandwiches? What the hell is that? Some sort of lesbian food, is it? [To the rest of the party] Imagine! Getting to my age and not a chance of a grandchild, not a chance! [To Charlie] There is some stale bread in the press, you can have that.

03.11.034

Charlie: How splendid! [To Dur] Do go and make some toast for us, and there's a copper in it for you!

03.11.035

Last from heather 34

Estelle: What is she? Another one of your childless, lesbian friends?

03.11.036

Austin : Believe it or not, Estelle, that is a he, not a she.

03.11.037

Estelle: Is that what she likes to think?

03.11.038

Dur: Who are we talking about again? [Scratches his head]


;;; Just dropped my name into the hat for a promotion and relocation to theUK. I don't even know if I am elligible, but just=20

;;; the thought of living out in grand ol England is exciting! Well... Maybe not for Conor and Heather!

03.11.039

Clint: [Confused.] I think your sister?


;;; Best of luck getting the promotion. Plus sides: good beer, all the

soccer you can watch. Down sides: dismal food, dismal weather,

;;; all the soccer you can watch. That said, if we beat England on the

12th, you will have sooooooo much crap to give your English

;;; coworkers that it's sure to make you very popular indeed!

03.11.040

Alice: I think you mean "you're sister"!

Estelle: Go on, sit down, I'll make you something to eat. [Gestures to an uncomfortable looking couch in front of a huge TV set, which is showing an episode of "Hospital General", a soap opera centering around an army general mistakenly employed as a surgeon in a city hospital, which is packed with glamorous nurses, quirky patients and handsome doctors, every one with devastatingly secret background, working, living, and yes, loving together, during the strains of daily life at.... The Hospital. Every afternoon at 4PM on this channel.]


;;; Just think of what a hero you'll be over here if you win. U-S-A!

03.11.041

Charlie: Thank you, Mummy! But before you start to cook, I don't suppose you could remind me why a cycling gang would be afraid of our nice building?


;;;Hope you get the new job, Kevin! I'm still American enough to think

;;;that moving to the UK would be very exciting. Not as nice as Ireland,

;;;of course, but still very cool! ; )

03.11.041

Austin : [Goes over to the couch ans sits down gingerly. Looking at the TV, slightly amazed] That must be worth a fortune!

03.11.042

Estelle: [Making some bread sandwiches, that is, a piece of bread between two pieces of bread] Don't you start with your far fetched stories, Charlie! Honestly, first it's that you're not one of those bra burning lesbians, then it's that Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro are paying you to play that silly games, and now a cycling gang? Don't waste my time with far fetched stories!

[ALICE joins AUSTIN on the couch.]

Pearse: I'm a general, damn it, not a doctor, but, [holding up a plunger] I'll remove this man's appendix if it's the only way to save his life!

03.11.043

Fred: [Looks at the TV and laughs heartily] Midgets in a box! Oh, that never gets old.

03.11.044

Alice: If we were in own our time, Fred, you could probably pick up the box and shake it, now that's entertainment!

Estelle: [Puts out several plates of bread sandwiches] I'm so tired! What kind of son and daughter would let their poor, aged mother work herself to the bone like this?

03.11.045

Charlie: [Distastefully picks up a bread sandwich] Thanks ever so for the snacks, Mummy! [Starts nibbling at the sandwich] Why don't you go and have a rest?

03.11.047

Dur: [Eagerly picks up a bread sandwich and consumes it] Delicious!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.141.1.20 with SMTP id d20cs39602rvi; Fri, 4 Jun 2010 05:52:05 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.227.69.84 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.227.69.84; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of djmalzie@googlemail.com designates 10.227.69.84 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=djmalzie@googlemail.com; dkim=pass header.i=djmalzie@googlemail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.227.69.84] ) by 10.227.69.84 with SMTP id y20mr15326819wbi.226.1275655924168 (num_hops = 1); Fri, 04 Jun 2010 05:52:04 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=rDkl9VelDbgHTaGlqnj4kXWdq9Rd/gZK3f2WCmTCyXM=; b=q2EZyOlyDs7fAvhjJEBPNmf3BU2HNCkEl3uUE/9oKCI59lYtTx8pYYxmkQaXic6MMx k/yeUFb6JuDV+xn/IQZo8K6jC3ZF3m7LZGx59dXpkGjavmJV5Ejckg+A4Ht4VXnWxqTd XdmUxvbKscSpgkiyBXtu86lk/ic+GWG3xVewMDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=googlemail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=oL+JUSWAisiTfIi0qLTDW6UzHfXzL8tem6TNCPy1tnj68sB/3drNQG8hlccDmlr/w7 KUM3Uv1r3auB1UUdxPDoEeO31Ia5BYz7FpGJsTMxvcRxolcXeC/NRmBrz5H/XgBAjPMR 6vyf3IraM4R+5jGEJ21sFDOlp1s8b15NbMSmMMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.227.69.84 with SMTP id y20mr10581199wbi.226.1275655924076; Fri, 04 Jun 2010 05:52:04 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.216.26.70 with HTTP; Fri, 4 Jun 2010 05:52:04 -0700 (PDT) Date: Fri, 4 Jun 2010 13:52:04 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTimj51mRQhgssq19kICUyfRLHjxQBAnZQsut_rw5@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, =?ISO-8859-1?Q?Valur_Sigur=F0arson?= <valurs@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Austin : [Looking at the television] One would have thought that something so valuable would at least display clean well dressed, and sane persons, rather than filthy, raving madmen. [Glances around] It must be some new style.

03.11.048

Estelle: Don't make me put your chicken in the freezer, Austin! [To Charlie] Don't you tell me what to do! This is my house, and I'll stay where I am. Now, I'm going to have a massive bowel movement, I'll be back in an hour or so.

[Exit ESTELLE, through one of the doors.]

03.11.049

Fred: Ah, finally we are rid of that old crone.

03.11.050

Alice: [Gestures to Charlie] Fred! She's sitting right here!


;;; Colin's afk

Harvey: By the saints, Troop, this is a rum and uncanny business, make no mistake. I think this Baskin, Sleapar and whats-it are at the centre of it all, but what about this Jim M person? Do we believe that he is but a pawn?

03.11.051

Fred: All I know is that his face is unmarred by my knuckles. Damn, I always forget!

03.11.052

Charlie: Perhaps we should go back to the firm, then? I can no doubt exert my influence to get everyone inside and we can investigate.

03.11.053

Dur: Why go back to the firm if we have an appointment in the morning? Maybe we should go outside and see if we can catch one of those cyclists! Then = we'd get some answers for sure!

03.11.054

Alice: Or maybe we should stay watching the box of midgets? Look, the general is about to do a head transplant!

03.11.055

Dur: [As he watches the midgets] Intrigueing! [Turns to Charlie] Quickly! I need a note pad so I can take note on these procedures! They could be usefu= l in my profession!

03.11.056

Clint: But where are you going to get a sexy but clever nurse with a tortured past, doc? Can't do a head transplant without a plunger, a rusty saw, and a sexy but clever nurse with a tortured past!

03.11.057

Austin : Filthy insane midgets doing head transplants? They must have run out of plot lines some time ago.

03.11.058

Charlie: [Watching the screen] They appear cleaner than Dur, in any case. [Hands Dur a notebook] Here, perhaps you could learn something from this program, at that!

03.11.059

Fred: Gods forbid, Charlie, that Dur would learn to learn stuff! There would be no end of misery. [Glances at the screen] Hmm, this show is making me hungry... [Attacks a bread sandwhich]

03.11.060

Alice: [Munching on her bread sandwich] So, what's the plan? Lay low until tomorrow? Or go out and get shot by a cyclist?

03.11.061

Clint: Go find a cyclist and beat the snot out of him! [To Austin and Charlie] Maybe your mum has some kind of weapon in the house?

03.11.062

Austin : [Staring at the TV. To Clint] Maybe she does. [Stares back at the TV]


;;; another holiday in the stab?

03.11.063

Last from lonely Dom 62

Alice: [Glares at Clint] Sh! We're watching this!


;;; Yes! Forgot to tell everyone, apologies!

03.11.064

Charlie: [Aghast] You can't be serious! This sort of [finger quotes] entertainment will only serve to decay our mental faculties and ultimately breed a nation of obese, dazed children!

03.11.065

Alice: What else are we going to do? Read a book? [Laughs]

03.11.066

Charlie: Yes, that would be an option for those few of us who are literate, but perhaps instead we could prowl through Mummy's room while she's [wrinkles her nose and shudders] fully occupied?

03.11.067

Fred: But General Hawk is confronting his wife about her shopaholism! [Stares, fascinated, at the TV]

03.11.068

Hawk: Don't you see? It's an illness! No one needs thirty toasters, and building a wall out of them doesn't make it any less crazy!

Alice: [Trying not to look away from the TV] Yeah, let's check Mummy's room.

03.11.069

Harvey : I agree troop! It is a time for stealth and discovery!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.070

Fred: Yes! Let's be off then! [Keeps watching the TV without moving.]

03.11.071

Harvey : [Stands infront of the telly]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.072

Charlie: Thank you, Colonel! [Claps her hands briskly] Group, look alive! Let us go dig through an elderly woman's drawers!

03.11.073

Dur: But I swore I would never do that again! [Coughs] Errr... I mean... Let's go!=

03.11.074

[Everyone heads to ESTELLE's room.]

Alice: Right! Stealth it is. It will be as though we were never here, so everyone be extra super duper careful.

[Five minutes later, and the room has been thoroughly searched and looks like a bomb hit it. No one finds anything of interest.]

Alice: [Smugly] It's as though we were never here. Oh, does anyone know how to glue vases back together again?

03.11.075

Harvey : [Lifts up a corner of the carpet] Quickly dear niece, hide it under here! She'll never notice it!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.076

Alice: Perfect! [Puts a huge mound of rubble on the ground]

[HARVEY carefully puts the carpet back, with the result that there's now a huge hill in the room.]

Alice: You know, I don't think these people seemed to know anything about what's going on, given that they were being paid to play that silly game.

03.11.077

Fred: It seems then that no matter when we are, we never know what's going on, always caught in an endless quest for direction. There is something poetically philosophic about that. [Drifts off into thought.]

03.11.078

Austin: On the contrary, we almost always have direction. It's just usually wrong. It does seem that Jim was just a pawn, although, [looks at Hamlet] it does seem rather strange that he happened to be in the basement when we went there to look for a power source to the spell that protects the building, does it not? [Hamlet nods]

03.11.079

Charlie: [To Hamlet] It was rather curious, wasn't it? And what do you make of this silly game? There appears to be no objective--unless it is designed to keep us occupied to prevent our investigation?

03.11.080

Harvey : Well, dear girl, if that is the intention of the game, it certainly seems to be working!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.081

Alice: In this time, we're not exactly adventurers living on the edge, though, are we? It seems like all they had to do was sit us in front of the Midget Box, and that would be plenty of distraction.

03.11.082

Clint: Speaking of which, let's get back to that! One of those midgets had really nice hooters for a 3-inch-tall broad!

03.11.083

Austin: Yes, Mr. Scar, why don't you do that?

03.11.084

Harvey : So troop, our search has turned up nothing of substance, and we are no wiser. Perhaps our meeting tomorrow might shed some light?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.085

Clint: Maybe we should break in to their office and see if we can find anything about this JT guy?

03.11.086

Harvey : But private, that would mean leaving this building and having to deal with those cyclist people again. And this time on foot! Us on foot, tha= t is, not them. For if they were on foot then they would no longer be cyclists, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.087

Austin : [Slinks off back to the couch and watches telly] Genius!

03.11.088

Alice: So, the plan is to stay here watching Hospital General, and to go in for that meeting in the morning? What about the basement?

03.11.089

Charlie: I should like to get a better look at the basement, myself, but I don't wish to continue playing that silly game! Perhaps we could sneak in and avoid the Gamemaster this time?

03.11.090

Austin : [Looks bored] Okay, anything is better than midgets in a box.

03.11.091

Harvey : Very well then troop, let us with all stealth proceed to the basement! [Looks around satisfied at the chaos of the room] We cannot fail!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.092

Fred: Yes, I think we must have fulfilled our quota of failures by now.

03.11.093

Alice: I bet we're not even close. Come on, let's head down.

[Exit all, into the lift, and head back down to the basement. Bing. The door opens.]

Jim: [Appearing from behind some boxes] Hi, guys!

03.11.094

Austin : [To the party] I suspect that he is trying to distract us from discovering something down here, let us take a good look round. [Starts noseying around. looking in boxes etc]

03.11.095

Harvey : [Ignores Jim completely and also begins searching]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.096

Fred: [Attempts to politely move past Jim to search while ignoring him.]

03.11.097

Dur: Wouldn't it just be easier to knock him unconscious?

03.11.097

Jim: [Take out a gun] Hey guys, I thought I told you that you're not supposed to be here.

03.11.098

Harvey : Fierce forgetful, what! [Attempts a knock out karate chop on Jim]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.098

Jim: I will if I have to, but I don't want to hurt anyone.

03.11.099

[HARVEY swings at JIM, but the gun goes off and hits him right in the stomach. HARVEY falls to the ground, groaning.]

Jim: I'm sorry! I'm sorry, man! But I had to do it! [Points the gun at the party] It's just a rubber bullet, and he'll be fine, but, come on, guys, you're not supposed to be here.

03.11.100

Dur: But why?!

03.11.101

Harvey : [Groaning on the ground] Yes, but why?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.101

Austin : [Alarmed] He has killed the colonel! [Looks panicky, Hamlet hides his head under his wing]

03.11.102

Last from Colin

Jim: I don't know. I don't make the rules, I just enforce them. I swore an oath. Also, they pay me.

03.11.103

Charlie: [Goes to help Harvey. To Jim] What do you mean, they pay you to keep us from the basement? Or to keep everyone from the basement?

03.11.104

Jim: Uh, both I guess, but you guys in particular.

03.11.105

Austin : So you are the janitor?

03.11.106

Jim: Oh, God no! More of a gatekeeper. Now, come on, guys, you've got to get out of here.

03.11.107

Austin : [To Jim, smirking] You? A gatekeeper? [Smugly, goading] It can't be much of a gate. I bet it's just a gate into the laundry or something.


;;;;;awa hame

03.11.108

Last from dom

Jim: Oh yeah? [Shoots Austin, making him stagger back, but doesn't fall, much to jim's surprise]

Alice: [Gasps] Hamlet took the brunt of it!

03.11.108

Fred: Or a gate back into our time?

03.11.109

Dur: Wait! Don't you have to make a dice roll or something to see if you have persuaded us to leave? [If JIM falls for the ruse, DUR will try to tackl= e the game master as he fumbles with his dice]

03.11.109

Harvey : [Staggers up and attempts to hit Jim with a roundhouse kick]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.110

Clint: [Attempts to wrestle the gun out of Jim's hands, or, if that's not going to work, to twist his head off and make him swallow himself.]

03.11.111

Jim: Hey! [Shoots Harvey, knocking him down again] Come on! What's wrong with you guys? I don't want to hurt you, but I will if I have to.

[CLINT bears down on JIM.]

Jim: Sorry, Clint! [Pulls the trigger. Click, nothing happens]

[CLINT thuds into JIM, knocking him to the ground.]

03.11.112

Clint: Ha! [Puts Jim in a sleeper hold and squeezes.]

03.11.113

Jim: Help! You're choking me! [Thrashes about]

03.11.114

Fred: [Stands awkwardly to the side, having not taken any part in the fight.] You're doing well, gentlemen. [Gives a thumbs-up.]

03.11.115

Clint: [To Jim] You shot us! Of course I'm choking you!


;;; To quote John Harkes, esteemed American soccer announcer: "You mess

with the horns, the bull gets you. No, umm... you mess with

;;; the horns, you get the horns? You mess with the horns, you get the

bull?" This is why we aren't watching the World Cup on

;;; American telly!

03.11.116

Jim: Please! Help!

Alice: Er, is he going to kill him?

03.11.117

Fred: Nah, I think he'll stop once he loses consciousness. Right Harv?

03.11.118

Jim: Gasp! Gasp! [Loses consciousness]

03.11.118

Charlie: [To Clint] Mr. Scar, do be careful! [To the party] Let us bind and gag this man at once.

03.11.119

Fred: [Picks up the gun] This may come in handy if we meet those cyclists again...

03.11.120

Alice: Great idea, Charlie, Clint is really annoying! [To Fred] You know, it seemed like it had just stopped working right before Stinky took him down.

03.11.121

Harvey : Well, due to our lack of shoes, we could throw it at them if all else fails, eh!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.121

Austin : [To Fred] I think that Alice is quite correct, that gun did seem to have broken or run out. [Hamlet nods]

03.11.122

Dur: Perhaps we could get it fixed? [Starts looking around the basement]

03.11.122

Austin : [To Hamlet] We should just check and see that he is alright [Hamlet nods in agreement. Austin searches Jim for anything of interest]

03.11.123

Last from Kevin 122

[The basement is full of clutter and boxes, but there is a distinct hum from one, that is a good six foot cubed.]

03.11.124

Austin : [Finishes searching Jim, and heads over to the box, looking very pleased with himself] This must be the portal back to our own time, let's have a look [Rubs his hands together and tries to open the box]

03.11.125

Charlie: [Eagerly watches Austin] Splendid! I do hope it's something quite new, as I could really use another publication!

03.11.127

Dur: [Peering over Austin's shoulder] Maybe it is a sandwich...From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.141.1.20 with SMTP id d20cs99939rvi; Thu, 10 Jun 2010 07:31:08 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <valurs@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of valurs@gmail.com designates 10.213.9.70 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.213.9.70; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of valurs@gmail.com designates 10.213.9.70 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=valurs@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=valurs@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.213.9.70] ) by 10.213.9.70 with SMTP id k6mr304590ebk.37.1276180267607 (num_hops = 1); Thu, 10 Jun 2010 07:31:07 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=MiuN1cjai10wUhlx6v+OhcoGuIh/eyut6U+CVHLO6qA=; b=eMQPaSzjhG4aZ2p4wNKy3jrSXBbyPYUz+eXlNfrsk6ukQizEI5tUj27L8d44qna3VD l3t1RqXKiDtq864e1ByA7C9Myib8vrLtlXQBNmj4P8TyLRN8ZrcFsLf8aJmUU5ARVklv Q1KoSHu8EDR0yeEe8nWQUUBjGF5jhjg25rOI4DomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=bDiMu9XKp5IB3OS1hCvrupXsjPYBuskMCcp8iCTPPR+QdgIGebipY3GhjHnSZSdpUD N4khKTqUUl690KI5di13CxXT8dejIq/hK8MG60BL70nhkioH1v6GTmjt7Q1cMY2Nas8h JHg+35FzlhDFmvj4BYvav+vbhYFvY+blgBfEcMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.213.9.70 with SMTP id k6mr198408ebk.37.1276180267527; Thu, 10 Jun 2010 07:31:07 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.213.108.134 with HTTP; Thu, 10 Jun 2010 07:31:07 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 10 Jun 2010 14:31:07 +0000 Message-ID: <AANLkTimcrouv8St8JJj_E6Pgno6PbBWG-u9MSFmtmirC@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Fred: And now I'm hungry again. That seems to happen a lot these days... [Examines the gun, pressing and pulling anything that can be pressed or pulled, trying to glean it's workings or even why it failed.]

03.11.128

Last from valur

Alice: Maybe it's a hum sandwich! It looks like it can be prised open.

03.11.129

Clint: [Considerately stops choking Jim.] Yeah, well, then let's prise it open! [Looks around for a crowbar or something along those lines.]

03.11.130

Harvey : [Gets up from the floor, rubbing his stomach] By the saints, that stings! Try breaking it with that rubber bullet gun, private!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.131

[Rather conveniently, CLINT finds a crowbar, and soon has the crate open. Inside is a large sphere, about four foot in diameter, glowing green.]

03.11.132

Dur: [Clearly loses interest] Nope, not a sandwich.

03.11.133

Charlie: [Fascinated] Marvelous! I wonder what it does? [Tentatively attempts to poke at it with a pencil]

03.11.133

Clint: [Hefts the crowbar experimentally and cracks a grin.] Ha! [Takes a look at the sphere.] So what the hell is that? [Looks expectantly at Charlie.]

03.11.134

[The sphere is clearly solid, and gives a somewhat metallic clunk when CHARLIE taps it.]

Alice: [To Clint] Hey! I know stuff about science too, you know! You could try asking me!

03.11.135

Clint: [Humoring Alice.] Sorry. So what does the green thing do, Bimbo?

03.11.136

Alice: [Puts on her glasses] Right. [Checks it out thoroughly and methodically] Hm, let's see. [Checks her notes] I think, and I say this with a fair amount of certainty that [dramatically] it is a sandwich! [Checks her notes again] Er, I mean [dramatically] it is not a sandwich!

03.11.137

Harvey : [Welling up with pride] Wonderful dear niece! You were certainly first in the queue when the Short brains were being handed out, what! [Looks= at the sphere] Perhaps we should remove it from the box. There might be something written underneath it.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.138

Alice: Like made in Hina?

03.11.139

Harvey : Could very well be! Either that or "Batteries not included"!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.140

Alice: I don't, Harv, it certainly seems to be making a big hum. It's definitely turned on.

03.11.141

Austin : [Checks his nails casually] It is a time gate back to our own time. The question is, why are we here?

03.11.142

Fred: Do we really care, if we can get back and never come here again?

03.11.143

Alice: Is it? Then how does it work?

03.11.144

Harvey : Perhaps we can find out at that meeting, the one arranged years inthe past?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.145

Fred: Good thinking. That is actually one mystery I'd like solved before we leave.

03.11.146

Alice: And then maybe Austin can show us how to work it!


;;; Out for the day!

03.11.147

Austin : [Looks quite excited at the prospect] By all means! [Looks around] Now. we should put that box back and get out of here, before someone notices.

03.11.148

Clint: If it's our ticket home, maybe we should take it and hide it somewhere safe?

03.11.149

Dur: What? You mean, like in our pants?

03.11.150

Alice: [Loudly] No! [Calms down, and addresses the rest of the party] Sorry, I just thought he might mean he would take his off.


;;; Valur has left, so please make sure he's off the list.

03.11.151

Austin : Heaven forbid! [Hamlet hides his head under his wing]


;;;Bye bye Valur!

03.11.152

Alice: So, what's the plan? Head for this mysterious meeting in the morning?

03.11.153

Charlie: But I have only just begun to conduct my experiments! [Jots in notebook, muttering] Touched with pencil. Sounds metallic. [Looks up] Stand back! I shall now touch it with my hand! [Attempts to lay her hand flat on the sphere]

03.11.154

Alice: I can't look! [Covers her eyes with her hands, but cracks her fingers open to see]

[CHARLIE lays her hand on the sphere, without any apparent ill effects.]

03.11.155

Harvey : Perhaps you have to say some sort of mumbo jumbo to activate it, what?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.155

Austin : [Ponders] If I recall correctly, the last time we all had to put our hands on it at the same time? I think [Looks to Alice for confirmation]

03.11.156

Austin : [Wandering around looking in other boxes etc] Probably colonel. I expect that Jim will know, he did seem to be trying to hide it from us.

03.11.157

Alice: [Shrugs] I haven't a clue, Austin. Any time we've ever used a magical orb, they've been small, and didn't require any sort of jumbo, mumbo or otherwise.

[As if on cue, JIM starts to stir.]

Jim: [Coming out of a dream] Yes, yes, strike me with your plus four whip, mistress, yes... [suddenly sees the party] Hey! What the hell is going on?

03.11.158

Harvey : [To Jim] You there, we are going to ask you the exact same question! [Points to the orb] What is that?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.159

Jim: It's, uh, [completely unconvincing] oh my good heck! What is that thing?

03.11.160

Charlie: [Nonchalantly] Anything that glows like that is surely dangerous and ought to be destroyed! Perhaps I'll do that now, since it's obviously not anything important. [Pretends to begin to prepare to kick the sphere]

03.11.160

Austin : [Sighs] We already know that it is a time gate back to our own time. [Sighs and rolls his eyes] Perhaps Mr Scar could make Jim a little more cooperative with his plus 6 boots?

03.11.161

Harvey : Good thinking Private! I'm sure we can roll it to the roof and then roll it off the roof!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.162

Jim: [Screams] No! Don't! Honestly, I don't know what it is, but I've been told that everyone in the building could be in danger if it was ever destroyed. When I was hired to run the game for you, they also told me to prevent anyone from ever getting at it.

03.11.163

Harvey: So, you've failed in nearly every task assigned to you, eh?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.164

Jim: Hey! That's not fair! I was also paid to grow this luxurious beard. [Strokes his admittedly luxurious beard]

03.11.165

Charlie: [Incredulous] Paid to grow facial hair?! By whom?

03.11.166

Austin : A middle aged biker with a handlebar mustache and leather chaps?

03.11.167

Harvey : A false beard maker, perhaps, looking to replenish his stock of beards?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.168

Dur: Should we really be worrying about this man's beard, regardless of howluxurious it is? Maybe this orb is the reason the cycle gang broke off the= ir assault?

03.11.169

Last from Colin

Jim: [Hangs his head in shame] No, no one paid me to grow the beard. I was also supposed to make sure that you guys had some emergency money. You know, in case of emergency.

Alice: What happened to it?

Jim: I blew it all on beard conditioning products.

03.11.170

Austin : [Doubtful] How much money did you spend on beard conditioning products?

03.11.171

Clint: And be honest, or I'll put the boot in! [Tries to look threatening.] Oh, and where do you keep your rubber bullets?

03.11.172

Jim: About nine thousand dollars. [To Clint] In my apartment. I only have one more box of them. Strictly speaking, I'm not supposed to even use them, especially not after calling in the incursion.

03.11.173

Clint: What do you mean, "calling in the incursion?"

03.11.173

Austin : [Looks very angry for a man wearing knitted armour] Nine thousand dollars! Can you give us one good reason why we should not beat you to a pulp right now?

03.11.174

Jim: Come on! You couldn't really hurt someone with such a luxurious beard, could you? [To Clint] We-ell, that's part of looking after the sphere. To call it in when someone tries to interfere with it.

03.11.175

Harvey : You've explained why you called it in, not what it is! [Makes a scissors motion with his fingers] Speak quickly, or the beard gets it!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.11.176

Clint: And who did you call to, and when are they getting here?

03.11.177

Jim: [Screams] No! Not the beard! [Covers his beard with his hands] It's an emergency number that I was to call. I've never had to do it before, so I don't know what will happen. I'm sure it won't be anything too bad.

[There is a loud clunk, and the place goes completely dark.]

03.11.178

Clint: Well, damn. Where's the back door, quick!

03.11.179

Jim: It's behind the green boxes!

Alice: Where the hell are they? I can't see anything!

03.11.180

Charlie: Hasn't anyone a torch?!

03.11.181

Alice: Or a cigarette? Because I could do with one right now.

[The party hear what sound like very loud dart guns firing from the distance, followed by several loud thumps.]

Alice: What was that? Something big fell down very close to me!

03.11.182

Austin : [Smug, ducks down and tries to hide] I suspect that it was one of us, since Jim is already on the floor, and from the considerable thud that we heard, I would guess that it was Charlie.

03.11.183

[There are more darts fired, followed by another thud.]

Alice: [Also on the ground] They seem to be able to see in the dark!

03.11.184

Charlie: Fear not, group! I have not been taken down. Take cover behind a box and run for it! [Attempts to grab a box and charge toward the direction the entered the room]

03.11.185

Alice: Hey! I have a great idea! Let's get the-

[There is the sound of another dart, and ALICE stops abruptly. Several more darts sound, and soon, everyone is unconscious.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

03.12.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene XII. HARVEY and FRED's apartment. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, slowly stirring awake.]

Alice: [Looks around] Hey! What the hell just happened?

03.12.002

Austin : [Looks around] We appear to have been relocated. Either that or we were at one hell of a party last night.

03.12.003

Alice: Yeah, it was great! Especially when we... I mean the part where we... huh. I think it's the first one, Aus. [Looks out the window] Hm, I think it's the morning!

03.12.004

Austin : Indeed. [Smoothly gets up and dissapears into the bathroom]

03.12.006

Dur: Maybe today we will get some answers!From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.141.1.20 with SMTP id d20cs26407rvi; Tue, 15 Jun 2010 06:05:48 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates 10.142.202.17 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.142.202.17; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates 10.142.202.17 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=heather.goggans@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.142.202.17] ) by 10.142.202.17 with SMTP id z17mr6639080wff.140.1276607148501 (num_hops = 1); Tue, 15 Jun 2010 06:05:48 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=C6bStxk8O+qTWvhSM8GTVuWU9mPR5gPZzoYQ1/4matA=; b=JcIK6uehjGweyGtr2V2p6Uhzn9DUfDomKeOpHNACq3o8aj1bLxOOhuZbElPdC7E30Q b5l/+tB7PZWT+FiayIH3MJCy2hx7UqRsjnbhHaN3NEd7qu4jKjcqgJnpF9A4Dtkdvgw7 87LMDICz+bJMrPYP5juHZw3rAjwYxfwzbbDbsDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=Vu0nMxpRKeZXV9YlJy7DpwxBgA7JWlPJNw1CPiOymfTG/kLZvRkvznPovPoXeqaLZb /L0HxoyL6C/vGvCuLR7QkcGn2iEU4KVqcnHDoao71M/JTrLi9TzNS2IGwQ1bYHeuzTFb OMwXImqlJ6/dE6SCTJhQz/CSTE2mgC7Jq2kfUMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.142.202.17 with SMTP id z17mr5155087wff.140.1276607148230; Tue, 15 Jun 2010 06:05:48 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.142.203.4 with HTTP; Tue, 15 Jun 2010 06:05:48 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 15 Jun 2010 14:05:48 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTinGktQJyqLazfSa6U1k-OMQcyKixtLJSDVcMtyQ@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: Indeed! Let us go to our meeting at once. I should very much like to know why we were incapacitated by dart-throwing hoodlums last night!

03.12.006

Austin : [Emerges from the bathroom, pristine] I hope Charlie has plenty of notebooks. She does seem to be terribly forgetful! [Sighs]

03.12.007

Alice: How are we going to get to the appointment? Those crazy cyclists are almost certainly waiting outside for us! It's no good, no good!

[There's a knock on the door.]

03.12.008

Clint: Easy! We get Jimbo's bullets, load them into that gun, and fight back! Also, we load up on shoes to throw at them. [Goes to answer the door.]

03.12.009

Alice: Come on, Clint! How many shoes do you think Fred and Harvey are likely to have? [Opens a closet door and is almost covered in the avalanche of fancy shoes]

[CLINT opens the door to reveal JT.]

JT: Goooood morning!

03.12.010

Dur: If waking up after blacking out the night before is a good morning, then I fear you are correct.

03.12.011

JT: Outstanding! The night before a meeting with one of the senior partners, and you guys go out partying? I love it!

03.12.012

Clint: We're special that way. [Loads up on shoes.]

03.12.013

JT: Uh, need any help with your shoes, Clint?

03.12.014

Clint: Yeah, grab any steel-toed boots you can find. I intend to be armed, dammit! Give me shoes, or give me death!

03.12.015

JT: No worries, guys, after yesterday, we have an armed guard this time. These guys are hard core -- they even have night vision goggles, dart guns, all sorts of fancy tools! This is real state of the art stuff.

03.12.015

Charlie: [To JT] Are you here to accompany us to our meeting?

03.12.016

JT: I'm here to drive you to the meeting!

03.12.017

Charlie: Marvelous! Let us be on our way at once.

03.12.018

Austin : [To JT] I expect that you have made me an appointment with a tailor already?

03.12.019

Clint: Well, let's get this show on the road!

03.12.020

JT: [Smiles at Austin] I'm sure you do!

[JT leads the party to the lift.]

Alice: [To the party] "Night vision goggles"? Darts? Doesn't that sound awfully familiar?

03.12.021

Clint: [Smugly.] Yup. That's why I've got these! [Whips out a pair of loafers.]

03.12.022

Dur: [Looks from Alice to Clint's shoes] I don't see the connection?

03.12.023

Alice: No one does, Dur, no one does.

[Bing. The lift arrives at the garage level, where there are a bunch of soldiers in maks, all heavily armed. They have three large jeeps, as well as a normal saloon car.]

JT: No need for shoes today, folks. We'll be going straight to your meeting, with just a brief pause to show you something.

03.12.024

Clint: [Still suspicious.] Yeah? And what's that?

03.12.025

JT: [As everyone sits into the car] It's easier to show you than to explain it, but, and please pay special attention to me when I say this, in a few minutes, you're going to want to punch me in the face, and-

Alice: [To the party] I think I want to punch him in the face right now!

JT: [Gives a sleazy smile] Very funny. [Continues] When that moment comes, please just give me thirty seconds, and then you'll understand why I had to do it. Fair enough?

03.12.026

Clint: Sure. And then I'll punch you in the face.

03.12.027

Harvey : [To JT] We've had more than enough surprises in this cursed place,chappie! What are you intending to show us?


;;; Sorry all, unexpectedly out of the office yesterday

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.028

JT: [As the car pulls out into the street] Almost there.

[They drive along for a minute or so, and there is no sign of the guards from before. Suddenly, JT pulls the car over and turns around, holding a dart gun.]

JT: Remember what I said -- wait until you've seen what I have to show you before punching me. [Shoots Fred with a dart] That's not it.

Fred: [Surprised] What the-? [Falls unconscious]

03.12.029

Charlie: Duck, group! [Tries to knock the dart gun away from JT]

03.12.030

Harvey : By the saints! [Attempts to help Charlie wrestle with JT]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.031

[CLINT joins in the scuffle and punches JT hard in the face.]

JT: Ow! Hey! Calm down! I'm not going to use it on any of the rest of you!

03.12.032

Harvey : [Angrily] Explain yourself, man! Why did you knock him out?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.033

JT: Look out the front! Look out the front!

Alice: I don't see anything!

JT: That's the back! Look out the front, we're about to be attacked.

[This appears to be true. A number of heavily armed men are approaching the car, all wearing motorcyle helmets.]

03.12.035

Dur: Well then, why did you bring us here!? Is this a setup?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.103.170.19 with HTTP; Wed, 16 Jun 2010 06:03:57 -0700 (PDT) Date: Wed, 16 Jun 2010 14:03:57 +0100 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTilcB8QmPjuo3QMjdapzwhvtRXnxYiqz9S5mvBYf@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

JT: You need to see who's the leader of the guys trying to kill you.

[One of them, who looks much bigger than the rest and appears to be ordering the others around, takes off his helmet. It is FRED, as he appears in the party's normal time.]


;;; And with that, we will pause until next Wednesday!

03.12.036

Alice: Are you sure he's trying to kill us?

[FRED takes out a huge gun and calls to the others with him.]

Fred: Kill them, kill them all! Wipe them from the earth!

Alice: That could mean anything!

03.12.038

Austin : Why don't you hang around and find out? [To JT, panicy] Would you mind getting us out of here!

JT: Not at all, my friend!

[The armed guards who were with JT earlier zoom into view and start firing at FRED, giving JT a chance to reverse out of there.]

Alice: Ow! Ow!

03.12.039

Harvey : Oh I say, this is just outrageous! [Gestures to Fred] What on earth is that man doing!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.040

JT: I think he's trying to kill you.

03.12.041

Austin : Another irate husband, colonel? [Smirks, ducking for safety]

03.12.042

Dur: Doubtful. It's been my experience in this group that we have an inexplicable propensity for turning people against us, including those supposedly= our allies.

03.12.043

Alice: But he looks so peaceful!

[Everyone turns and looks at FRED, who's face is contorted in a peculiar way as he snores loudly and obnoxiously.]

JT: I don't know, folks, I was just told to make sure he was knocked out before the attack.

03.12.044

Harvey : You were told by who? [Scratches at a sideburn] Or is it whom, I can never quite remember/

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.045

Clint: Does it matter? What's important is that they're trying to kill us. Again.


;;; So this is it for me today - important world cup match going on.

03.12.046

JT: It certainly does matter. I was told by Mr. Detrimentus. The same man that you made an appointment with some time prior to 1912!

03.12.047

Dur: Then perhaps we can get some answers from Mr. Detrimentus.

03.12.048

Charlie: Agreed, [to JT] please take him to us at once!

03.12.049

Harvey : Indeed so! [To JT] Lead on, sir!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.050

JT: It'll be a pleasure!

[Before long, the party are outside the offices of Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro. FRED is still sound asleep.]

Alice: What'll we do with Fred?

03.12.051

Clint: Leave him in the waiting room and hope he wakes up? We could give him a magazine that's only 2 years out of date!

03.12.052

JT: No can do, Clint. We wouldn't have any magazines that new!

03.12.053

Harvey : Look at it this way, to us, everything is new! Let us leave him inthe horseless carriage, but lock him in!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.054

Austin : Perhaps we should leave the window slightly down so that he can breath, and maybe even leave a bowl of water for him in case he gets thirsty, we don't know how long we will be.

03.12.055

Harvey : Good thinking private, humanitarian to the end, what! And perhaps leave him a ball to play with incase he gets bored waiting.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.056

[Everyone gets out and, much to his bemusement, JT locks the car.]

Alice: Hey! This is going to work at all! I bet he can just open the window!

JT: Actually, the windows only work if the car is running.

Alice: Cool. Looks like our work here is done.

[Within minutes, the party are back on up TILLY's floor.]

Tilly: Ye-es? Do we have an appointment?

03.12.057

Austin : [To Tilly] Yes we do. You said so yesterday. [Casually checks his nails] Do you forget all of your firms oldest clients this easily or do you reserve an especially high level of forgetfulness just for us?

03.12.058

Tilly: [Gives Austin a highly unimpressed look] Shall we look in the book? [Opens her huge book] There certainly doesn't *seem* to be an appointment. [Leans in close and looks] No, there is nothing here about an appointment.

Alice: [Peers at the book] Hey! She's looking at a porn mag under there!

Tilly: It is not a porn mag! It is an art periodical! [Moves the magazine] Ah. Yes, now I remember. Please, [gestures to the door] go right in. Mr. Detrimentus is ready for you.

03.12.059

Harvey : [Bows to Tilly] Thank you my dear! Troop, let us proceed!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.060

Dur: With extreme caution! I find it interesting that the man is 'ready forus'. Most people we meet aren't prepared at all.

03.12.060

[As the party approach the door, it slides open automatically, revealing a man standing inside, with his back to the party as he is looking out a window.]

Alice: [Impressed at the doors] Cool! Very modern, just like Shoe Trek!

[Smack. Gets hit in the face by a door closing too early.]

Alice: Ow!

[The man turns to greet the party. This is MR. DETRIMENTUS.]

Detrimentus: Please, come on in.

03.12.061

Austin : We have been in his appointment book for over 100 years. That is quite enough time to get ready.

03.12.062

Charlie: [Puts out her hand] Greetings, Mr. Detrimentus! We have been most eager to meet with you.

03.12.063

Detrimentus: [Shakes Charlie's hand] It's been a long time coming, Ms. Parker-Kensington. [Looks around at the party and smiles] You're just what I expected!

Alice: Uh, I must admit, you're nothing at all like what we expected.

Detrimentus: Why?

Alice: You appear to be some sort of monster.

Detrimentus: Hey, I'm a lawyer, what else would you expect?

03.12.064

Austin : [Looks concerned] Well I too am a lawyer, but I am certainly not a monster.

03.12.065

Detrimentus: [Laughs] Sure!

03.12.066

Austin : [Looks perplexed] Do you find it humorous that I am a lawyer, or that I am not a monster, or both?

03.12.068

Dur: [Inspects Austin cautiously] Well he DID come back from the dead...From qvblogger Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Received: by 10.103.170.19 with SMTP id x19cs149930muo; Thu, 24 Jun 2010 08:22:23 -0700 (PDT) Return-Path: <heather.goggans@gmail.com> Received-SPF: pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates 10.142.249.2 as permitted sender) client-ip=10.142.249.2; Authentication-Results: mr.google.com; spf=pass (google.com: domain of heather.goggans@gmail.com designates 10.142.249.2 as permitted sender) smtp.mail=heather.goggans@gmail.com; dkim=pass header.i=heather.goggans@gmail.com Received: from mr.google.com ( [10.142.249.2] ) by 10.142.249.2 with SMTP id w2mr11706580wfh.25.1277392942375 (num_hops = 1); Thu, 24 Jun 2010 08:22:22 -0700 (PDT) DKIM-Signature: v=1; a=rsa-sha256; c=relaxed/relaxed; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=domainkey-signature:mime-version:received:received:date:message-id :subject:from:to:cc:content-type; bh=pSNi4HEhNPLXvEcn+cT3j8Dpq+touTouLjJaxMwj4CA=; b=cfcrQyl5V34SGGC24uTw+Pcpc71V9kNCK+OLLg1ssuB3UDWvazNASJpvw12j2Ap5Fu 1CgcrBkrM/XWRUp3WFlXxGWdf7hjxRAg3L1x1kZ1wE5KMJJm5wK0nlFEGdKpAn0HEfE9 sD0wJM8E5mLab6RMwYL2OaUPkbiJhHczfW9ZUDomainKey-Signature: a=rsa-sha1; c=nofws; d=gmail.com; s=gamma; h=mime-version:date:message-id:subject:from:to:cc:content-type; b=pmXrX9z7g3dIde83o6g3WHILVHONFDGYh9i4l+UZ+g4nx/wXAjpI0N/njeaoTZPEgx XA5mkKYKOmpYy35+KHIl53L29M8g5j4hh7vlTjenQxBfbu6ozR7FB8TT/nZTY38j51V7 1jJQvLQSQFNmMakr+bsDvWcGPvv9uV/bdiOgEMIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.142.249.2 with SMTP id w2mr9252498wfh.25.1277392941864; Thu, 24 Jun 2010 08:22:21 -0700 (PDT) Received: by 10.142.154.8 with HTTP; Thu, 24 Jun 2010 08:22:21 -0700 (PDT) Date: Thu, 24 Jun 2010 16:22:21 +0100 Message-ID: <AANLkTilqBKWvfGjPfcBmB98in05kGqo6dsQBCKTIWKPM@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Conor Ryan <conor.r@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Charlie: [To Detrimentus] What would you like to discuss with us today?

03.12.069

Detrimentus: [To Austin] Neither, it's more your indignation at my accusation of monsterism. [To Charlie, pouring out some tea] You're the ones who made the appointment with me, don't you know?

[The party exchange puzzled looks.]

Alice: Well, I didn't make the appointment!

03.12.070

Dur: I can think of only one person in this group who would take the time to go through such an extrenuous process. [Looks at Charlie expectantly]

03.12.071

Alice: [Also looks at Charlie] Well? Do you know which of it was?

03.12.072

Charlie: [To Detrimentus] How splendid of you to make time in your busy schedule to see us. Perhaps we could discuss [brightly] er--your reasons for agreeing to meet with us before we get down to the reason we scheduled this meeting. And what were those reasons, again?

03.12.073

Detrimentus: Certainly! Please, have a seat.

Alice: [Takes one and pops it in her mouth] Mm! They're delicious!

Detrimentus: Aren't they just the cutest things you've ever seen? My sister-in-law runs a bakery that specialises in making candies shaped like tiny furniture. Anyway, please, sit down and make yourself comfortable.

[The party sprawl themselves out on some of the various couches in the room.]

Detrimentus: Given that you clearly have no idea why you made this appointment, I think it's pretty obvious that you didn't make the appointment. [Pops one of the tiny candy chairs into his mouth] Yet.

03.12.074

Charlie: So, you are suggesting we are time-travelers? Do you often run into that sort of thing?

03.12.075

Detrimentus: All the time! Look at the facts, Charlie. It's almost seven hundred years since you lot were roaming the earth, and yet here you are, in the twenty first century, munching on tiny furniture made out of marzipan. In fact, your group here were the first clients of this law firm.

03.12.076

Harvey : [Popping a chaise longe into his mouth] I see. I see. And did we leave anything with your firm for safekeeping?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.077

Austin : Perhaps a bank account, or a stick?

03.12.078

Detrimentus: As a matter of fact, you did leave details for an investment that was made. [Takes out a sheet of paper] You, as a group, invested five pieces of gold in a company called Day Lights, who specialised in making torches that only worked in daylight hours. They became huge and the investment grew to over a hundred thousand pieces of gold. That company then reinvented itself as Hendinanerson, who appear to have invented the toilet seat. The investment grew to twelve million, before the company became Jobgans, the first and largest recruitment company in history, and the investment became three hundred million.

Alice: Whoohoo! We're going to be rich! [Delightedly chomps on a dining room set]

Detrimentus: Alas, that would have been the case if only the company hadn't reinvented itself as Ryan Incorporated; the world's first, and only, I believe, company that tried to sell singing bricks.

Alice: They invented singing bricks?

Detrimentus: No, but they blew four hundred million on research before they were shut down.

Alice: What a gyp.

Detrimentus: True. There's also the matter of the orb.

03.12.079

Austin : [Looks terribly disappointed] Are there any singing bricks left at all? What about the company's assets?

03.12.080

Detrimentus: I'm afraid not. There was one that could recite poetry, but that was [looks at his sheet] hm, a lie. All the assets were sold to help pay off the massive porn bill that the scientists ran up.

03.12.081

Austin : [Wistful] Did they leave any cheese?

03.12.082

Detrimentus: Not even a crumb.

Alice: What happened to all the porn?

Detrimentus: It was sold to pay off the massive cheese bill.

03.12.083

Harvey : I see. So, what you are saying is that we are flat broke, eh.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.084

Detrimentus: Technically you owe the inland revenue service four million dollars.

03.12.085

Austin : [Quickly] Orb! Orb, what about the orb? [Looks nervously around for the inland revenue] Wait a minute, we are all seven hundred years old. How long have the Inland Revenue been pursuing this debt?

03.12.086

Detrimentus: Ah, I wouldn't worry about them, Austin. You of all people should know that having a good lawyer means that technicalities such as tax can easily be avoided.

Alice: Yay!

Detrimentus: The massive bill you owe Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro for taxation services rendered, on the other hand, is an entirely different matter. [Reaches into his desk and takes out a wooden box, about ten inches cubed] This is the orb. Baskin, Sleapar and Tirscahro have looked after it for more than seven hundred years.

03.12.088

Dur: [Looking at the orb] Pretty. What does it do?From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.103.170.19 with HTTP; Fri, 25 Jun 2010 06:46:28 -0700 (PDT) Date: Fri, 25 Jun 2010 08:46:28 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTilhtKrjUXBFbY5ERqPeUqNZTAD69bUuiglhMPAL@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Detrimentus: Haven't a clue. All I know is that when you guys set up the firm, you gave strict instructions to keep it safe. I think it would make a neat paper weight, though.

Alice: It kind of looks like the Orb of Generomentis, doesn't it?


;;; Indeed it does. This was the orb that Jerome's followers were

collecting in the previous

;;; act.

03.12.089

Charlie: [Flips through a notepad and reveals a sketch of simple circle labeled "Orb of Generometis" and holds it up to the orb] Uncanny!

03.12.089

Austin : [Picks the orb up] What was Trindle using them for, do we know?

03.12.090

Alice: They're supposed to be able to give corporeal form to something that exists in someone's imagination, the thing they most wanted. We thought that he wanted to give form to Clementine, but he seemed to give it to you instead.

03.12.091

Austin : [Sighs a deep sigh] Well then, perhaps I can bring Lucy back. [Staring into the orb] How do I use it?

03.12.092

Dur: Do you really think we had them keep this thing safe for hundreds of years just so we could bring back your dead wife?

03.12.093

Harvey : Yes, that is exactly the type of thing we'd do!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.094

Charlie: [To Austin] I understand your grief, but we must think how best to use the orb before doing anything rash. Perhaps we are keeping it safe to prevent it being used?

03.12.094

Austin : [To Dur] Of course. Who else?

03.12.095

Alice: [To Detrimentus] How does it work?

Detrimentus: Well, first you need to go back to your own time, then find an experienced and powerful wizard, some parsley, rosemary and thyme, and then create a release of power.

03.12.096

Dur: How do we do that again?

03.12.096

Harvey : And what is that, some type of coctail?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.097

Detrimentus: Oh, the usual thing. You know, sacrificing a child who trusts you, freezing a bag of puppies, that sort of thing.

03.12.098

Charlie: How horrid! This is surely a ritual we would not wish to support. Is this orb the only of its kind?

03.12.099

Clint: [Casually.] And do you have some puppies and a spice rack we could borrow?

03.12.100

Dur: But where are we going to find a little girl to trust us?

03.12.101

Detrimentus: [To Clint] Sure, I have a bag of them in the fridge. Not sure about the spices though. [To Charlie] Yes, as far as I know, this is the last one in existence.

Alice: [To Dur, with a shiver] Ew! Put on a dirty raincoat and start talking about bunnies, and you'll have it down perfect.

03.12.102

Dur: [Looks thoughtful as if considering the option] Unfortunately... I don't know that much about bunnies.=

03.12.103

Austin : [Dryly] Lucky bunnies.


;;;;awa hame

03.12.104

Alice: You don't know much about humans either, but that didn't stop you from being a doctor!

03.12.104

Clint: Yeeeah. So how do we use this paperweight to get home?

03.12.105

Harvey : [Looking a little haunted] Troop, about this sacrificing a child idea...does this sound a little too familiar to anyone else?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.106

Austin : [Glances around at the party] No Colonel, I think that it is just your good self that has had some traumatic experience involving infanticide. [Pauses] Although Mr Dur probably eats babies for breakfast when he has the chance.

03.12.107

Charlie: All too familiar, indeed, Colonel! Though is this really "not talking about it ever again"?? !

03.12.108

Detrimentus: [Waves his hand dismissively] Oh, pish posh! Who hasn't killed the occasional baby. Don't you worry about it, Colonel. [Looks around] Now, unless there's anything else I can help you with, I'm afraid you'll have to excuse me, as I have another appointment. I think I can arrange it so that you won't be expected to turn up to those dead end jobs, so JT will bring you back home. By the way, I hear you found the power source to the shield around your building. [Pops a tiny chest of drawers in his mouth] Kudos!

03.12.109

Harvey : That raises a good point. Why is there a shield around our building, and why are we being attached by miscreant cyclists at every opportunity= ?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.110

Austin : And if that is a shield and only a shield, how do we get back to our own time? Is there a time gate somewhere? [Looks a bit concerned]

03.12.111

Dur: And what the hell is wrong with our friend Fred? He's gone a little crazy. Errr... Crazier than usual that is.

03.12.112

Detrimentus: The shield was erected by Sleapar, Baskin and Tirscahro to protect you. Some people don't want you to bring that orb back to your own time, and, it seems, at some time in the future, your friend Fred becomes one of them. [To Austin] As for the time gate? Well, I'm a lawyer, not an adventurer. I know they pop up from time to time, maybe you might luck into one.

03.12.113

Dur: That sounds like how we usually do things.

03.12.114

Harvey : Do you know what these gates look like?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.114

Austin : Indeed, but I am not sure that 'luck' is the correct word though. Sometime is seems as though this things find us, not us finding them. [Looks a bit spooked]

03.12.115

Detrimentus: [Gives a rather sinister grin at Austin] Articulus Nequitus Reluctor! [To Harvey] They vary enormously; sometimes they can be opened by special orbs, other times they are large flickering squares of green light with tiny yellow specks, and other times they are

03.12.116

Charlie: What does that phrase mean? [Thinks a moment] Resist wretched events? I should hope we would!

03.12.117

Austin : [To Charlie] It means 'To struggle against'.

03.12.118

Dur: Struggle against what?

03.12.119

Detrimentus: Actually, it means "Momentus Events Cannot Resist".

03.12.120

Austin : [Shrugs] Well, we can get philosophical about it if you like. [Takes the orb box and puts the orb into. Puts the orb box under his arm. To Dur] Perhaps we should stop struggling against that which is inevitable. If you believe that then you have already lost.


;;; awa hame :)

03.12.121

Charlie: [To Demetrius] Cannot resist what? What is the meaning of this saying? It is very like one we've heard before!

03.12.122

Detrimentus: They cannot resist happening, not only in the sense that they happen at all, but also when and to whom. [Gestures to Austin] My learned friend is correct, there's no point in struggling against being swept up in momentous, earth changing events, because they don't just happen, they are attracted to those who are best positioned to deal with them.

03.12.124

Dur: But if that is the case, then why do they keep happening to us?


;;; Zing!From qvblogger

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Detrimentus: [Shrugs] Hey, it's not a perfect system!

03.12.125

Austin : [To Dur] Well, Mr Dur, perhaps you are the best placed, most suitable person to deal with some of these events. [Looks grim] There does appear to be infanticide involved at times, just right up your street.

03.12.126

Harvey : Is there not an alternative method, rather than killing children?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.127

Charlie: Perhaps a bit of research is in order! [To Demetrius] Point me in the direction of the most excellent library in the city!

03.12.127

Austin : [To Harvey] I am sure there is, colonel. But we may never know what it is. Perhaps nothing needs to die. [Looks sad, and Hamlet looks sad too]

03.12.128

Detrimentus: [Takes out what looks like a small business card and hands it to Charlie] Here.

Alice: Wow! That's a really tiny library! Is it some sort of new fangled, super modern system with information coded in micro dots?

Detrimentus: No, that's the address. JT can bring you there.

03.12.129

Harvey : We have a little problem with our mode of transport, in that, it'scurrently housing our ex troop member. Can we stash him here for safe keep= ing?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.12.130

Detrimentus: [Looks worried] Did you crack the window for him so he could breathe?

03.12.131

Austin : [Chuckles] yes, of course we did. We even left him a bowl of water. [Strokes Hamlet] And I am quite sure he can open the door and get out if he so wishes.

03.12.132

Detrimentus: I wouldn't be so sure. Anyway, unless there's anything else I can do for you, JT will be waiting for you downstairs. [Looks around in case anyone as any more questions]

03.12.133

Dur: [Keeps watching Detrimentus expectantly] Oh! Does that mean we're supposed to leave?=20

03.12.134

Detrimentus: Actually, it means you were supposed to leave ten minutes ago. I have a Monster Slug Demon waiting to see me, and they are notoriously impatient.

Alice: [Taking a bite of a leather seat] I have a question, why does this one taste like plastic?

Detrimentus: Er, that's not a candy, that's a real seat. That you were sitting on. And it's not plastic, it's leather.

Alice: Oh. Fair enough.

[Exit ALL.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming up

03.13.001

[Book VII, Act III, Scene XIII. Outside Detrimentus' Office. ALICE, AUSTIN, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR and HARVEY are here, having just exited the office. Also here is TILLY LOMLIN (the secretary) and STEVE SLUG, a Monster Slug Demon.]

Steve: [Who is seated, sipping a cappuccino and reading a copy of "Hola" magazine, which he just that moment turns and shows to Lilly] Oh, isn't Angelina's dress just divine! [Spots the party] Er, I mean, [stands up and roars] I am a Slug Monster Demon! I wait for no one!

Alice: I thought you were a Monster Slug Demon?

Steve: Uh, hang on. [Takes out his wallet and checks his business card] Yeah, you're right. You know, they printed new business cards and got it the wrong way around, and now I'm totally confused. It's *really* annoying. I suppose I should have laid waste to their entire building and eaten those responsible, but, you know, one doesn't like to make a fuss about these things. [To Austin] Say, that's a nice chicken!

03.13.002

Austin : Why thank you. His name is Hamlet, and he is rather fond of slugs. [Pets Hamlet] Are there may demons roaming the earth at this time?

03.13.003

Steve: The earth? Uh, I don't know.

Tilly: [With her usual irritating drawn out way] Miiiister Slug. Mr. Detrimentus will see you now.

Steve: Thanks very much. I mean, [angrily] about time!

03.13.004

Harvey : [To Steve] Watch yourself there fellow, it looks like someone has spilt some salt on the floor over there!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.005

Steve: Woah! [Narrowly avoids the salt] Thanks guy. [Glares at Tilly] I don't know what the hell kind of dimension you've got here, but between the salt and the giant birds, I must say, I don't like it.

[Exit STEVE into the office, closing the door behind him.]

03.13.006

Charlie: [Rubs hands together excitedly] Now, we must get to the library! Then I will be able to determine if there are alternatives to child sacrifice that will activate the [low whisper] o-r-b! Come, group, and watch out for giant birds!

03.13.007

Alice: Rob who?

[The party enter the lift.]

Alice: Does it seem weird to anyone else that there are demons just wandering around here?

03.13.008

Charlie: [With a world-weary sigh] Hardly anything seems weird to me, after all I've seen! Perhaps this is a more liberal society than ours?

03.13.009

Dur: That certainly would explain the need to kill children just to activate an orb of considerable power. Shouldn't we be focusing on finding a way h= ome first?=20

03.13.010

Alice: I guess so. It just seems weird to me that we'd want to bring back the very orb that Jerome was trying to use. I'm just saying, is all.

[Bing! The lift arrives. JT is waiting there for them.]

JT: [Leaning back against a wall, looking cool] 'sup?

03.13.011

Charlie: [To Alice] I have not yet ruled out the possibility that we always meant to keep it safe from harm, and that we must destroy it! But we must be sure before we do that, of course. [To JT, beaming and handing him the library info] Do please take us here at once!

03.13.012

Clint: [To JT.] Hey, do you have any science geeks who have invented time machine around here? [Shrugs.] Worth a shot!

03.13.013

JT: Surely you're not going to destroy it? [To Clint] Loads of science geeks, but no time machines, I'm afraid.

03.13.014

Clint: Well, hell, what kind of science geek doesn't have a time machine?!

03.13.015

JT: Come on, let's go to the library, I bet you'll find some information there.

03.13.016

Harvey : And quite possibly some books too, I'll wager!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.017

Austin : [To Charlie] We would hardly have paid a lawyer to keep it for 700 years if all we wanted to do was destroy it [Rolls his eyes and tuts. Frowns] But it is very odd that there are demons wondering around freely, integrated into society it seems. [To JT] How long have Daemons been freely wandering the earth, mixing with humans?

03.13.018

JT: They don't freely wander the earth. Have you actually seen any do that?

03.13.019

Charlie: Why, yes! What is normally done with them?

03.13.020

JT: Normally people either run screaming from them or form angry, torch and pike wielding mobs. Where did you see these demons?

03.13.021

Charlie: Wandering around the firm, for one thing!

03.13.022

Harvey : Hold on troop. That slug demon referred to this place as a hell dimension!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel ROI: +353 1 865 7800 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.022

Austin : [To JT] Indeed, both the lawyer, Mr. Detrimentius, his clerk, and the slug demon client that had an appointement after us were digustingly ugly demons.

03.13.023

[The party approach a limousine.]

JT: [To Austin] Sure, but that's different from them wandering around outside. And anyway, Tilly isn't a demon, she's just mean.

03.13.024

Clint: [Unconvinced.] Well, okay, but what about that restaurant that Alice works at? You'd have to be a demon to eat that stuff!

03.13.025

Alice: And surely that meat was made out of demon!

JT: Okay, maybe that's true, but other than that, there aren't any demons here. I don't know what that idiot slug demon was talking about, but they can't be trusted. Slimy bastards!

03.13.026

Alice: And what about those crazy horses that looked a bit like bicycles? Weren't they demons?

JT: No, they were motorbikes.

03.13.027

Austin : So, what the heck are demons doing on earth? When did they start being lawyers? [Shrugs in disbelief] Did they go to law school?

03.13.028

JT: [Opening the door to a different car to the one that Fred was left in, sounding a little irritated] Forget about them! They are just clients, there have always been demons, hiding out of sight. It's more important to get back to your own time. Now, let's go to the library.

03.13.028

Charlie: [To JT, hopefully] This isn't really a hell dimension, is it??

03.13.029

JT: [Rolls his eyes] No, but it's starting to feel like one! [Holds open one of the back doors of the limo]

03.13.029

Austin : We should go and get Fred, can anyone remember which carriage we left him in? [Looks around. Calls] Fred!

03.13.030

Clint: What about Fred? We just gonna leave him to sleep it off with the demonic lawyers?

03.13.031

JT: Forget him! You saw that he tried to stop you, why the hell would you want that idiot?

Alice: Uh, surely he hasn't done anything to us yet?

JT: Yet!

03.13.031

Charlie: Should we keep him with us, instead? He is rather large, after all.

03.13.032

Dur: I think JT is right, we need to focus our attention on just one problem at a time. I vote for going home.=

03.13.032


;;; Colin's out today

Harvey: [Nods at Charlie's words] Agreed, Private! He still is a member of the troop, after all.

JT: [Exasperated] Look, if you really want him, we can get him, but this is wasting time.

03.13.033

JT: Great idea, Dur! Excellent! [Gestures to the open door] You know, there are sandwiches in the car, and they're free!

03.13.033

Austin : [To Dur] And that is why you are not in charge. I don't believe that this is a democracy, I am quite sure the colonel never leaves a man behind. [Casually checks his nails]

03.13.036

Dur: [Leaps head first into the Limo] Dibs!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.14.29.15 with HTTP; Mon, 19 Jul 2010 07:15:52 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 19 Jul 2010 09:15:52 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTilQF9M-2fgOhymCGmlto7Sr0u-vECOeHn20Ngn7@mail.gmail.com> To: dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com> Cc: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

JT: [Annoyed] Okay, Austin, if you want to waste time going all the way back to the other car for someone who's going to attack you sometime in the future, then fine, we'll do that.

Harvey: Yes! No man gets left behind!

JT: [Sighs] Fine. Let's go alllll the way back to the other car. [Opens the door of the car that is parked beside the new one. Fred is in there, sound asleep, snoring loudly]

03.13.037

Dur: [Peers out the door of the limo with a facefull of sandwich, spraying bits of food as he talks] So who gets to carry him?=

03.13.038

Harvey: By the saints, Private Quack! You are the laziest excuse for a human being it has ever been my misfortune to encounter. [Grabs Fred's leg and starts to pull] Private Scar, grab his other leg!

03.13.039

Charlie: [Tries to assist Harvey] Rally round, group! It will likely take most of us to lift him, given that one of our men is Dur!

03.13.041

Dur: Hey! That doesn't seem very fair, I'm not even helping!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.14.29.15 with HTTP; Mon, 19 Jul 2010 08:10:44 -0700 (PDT) Date: Mon, 19 Jul 2010 10:10:44 -0500 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <AANLkTikarH_hLdmvModVjGjYeiE7oBuzIzUTzo4alwea@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, dom <djmalzie@googlemail.com>, Tom Henderson <Thomas.Henderson@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Tom Henderson <th4@rice.edu>, Colin Dinan <dinancolin@googlemail.com>, Madam Olivam <mmeolivam@yahoo.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Alice: [Pulling on Fred's arm] That'll make it easier!

[The party huff and puff as they pull him out, but eventually JT joins in, and then he is quickly stuffed into the back of the car.]

JT: Now can we go?

03.13.042

Charlie: Indeed! To the library!

03.13.043

[Everyone gets into the back, while JT gets into the front. The partition between the front and the back is closed.]

Alice: Yeesh, he's in a big rush to get to the library, isn't he?

03.13.045

Clint: Don't be so paranoid, lawyer! Maybe he's just trying to get rid of us! Err... in a good way, I mean.

03.13.046

[The partition slides down slightly.]

JT: No, Austin, I can't hear you.

[The partition closes again.]

Alice: Phew! [To Clint] Maybe Austin really should be paranoid, as this all seems kind of strange. And anyway, how did he know that we're going to the library? Detrimentus only wrote it down for us.

03.13.047

Austin : [Rolls his eyes] Jt can here us, Alice, how else would he have known to roll down the partition and answer my question at all! [Exasperated] Does someone have the address that Detrimentius wrote down please?


;;;; Good morning USA!

03.13.048

Alice: I thought you had it! Don't tell me you've lost it!

03.13.049

Clint: [Thinking carefully.] Uhh... can *I* tell you he lost it?

03.13.050

Austin : [Smirks, pulling the note out of Hamlet] Thank you. [Reads the note]

03.13.051

Charlie: That is rather curious, though who [huge excited emphasis] wouldn't want to go to the library?!

03.13.052

Harvey : Well, me for one, what! Unless of course its a library containing books made entirely of sandwiches!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.052

Alice: Me! Me! Me!

[AUSTIN shows the note to the party, it reads "123 Book Street", just as the car turns onto Book Street. Suddenly, it jams to a halt, and the partition opens.]

JT: Wow! Look at that! There's a time portal that's just opened up, right beside the car!

03.13.054

Charlie: How thrilling! What would happen if we entered it?

03.13.055

JT: [Rolls his eyes] Oh my Gods! You'd go back to your own time! Now, come on, hurry up!

03.13.056

Charlie: Marvelous! Follow me, group! [Makes a break for the portal]

03.13.056

Austin : [Sighs] Well there is no time like the present. [Steps out of the carriage and into the portal]

03.13.057

Alice: Hey! How does the portal know what time we belong in?

03.13.058

Harvey : Well said, dear niece! And does no one else find it a little convenient that this portal just happened to appear, what? [Scratches at a sideb= urn] Mind you, if it prevents us having to enter the library...

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.059

Alice: Hm, good point!

JT: Come on! Hurry up!

Alice: What's the rush? If we're going back in time, surely it doesn't matter how long we wait before going back?

JT: Uh, the portal might disappear, and I'm sure those motorbike guys will be along any second.

03.13.060

Charlie: [To JT] So you're encouraging us to enter?

03.13.061

JT: Yes! And don't forget the orb!

03.13.062

Charlie: [To the party] Group, this feels like a trap! Let us go to the library at once.

03.13.063

Alice: You know, it does really look like a time portal, but why is he so keen for us to go through?

[The sound of motorbikes can be heard.]

JT: Come on! Quickly! Take the orb through!

03.13.064

Harvey : [Hearing the sound of the motorbikes] Come troop, wherever it leads us, it can't be worse than spending another minute with Private Sleazes m= other, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.065

Alice: But what about the orb? Should we take it?

JT: Look, you dumb bitch, of course you should!

03.13.066

Harvey : How very dare you! [Swings a punch at JT]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.067

Charlie: Colonel, not now! If we're all agreed to depart, let us go at once. [Tries to intervene between Harvey and JT]

03.13.068

[HARVEY punches JT hard on the face, knocking him back against the car. In response, JT gives a huge roar, almost like an animal, and turns back to HARVEY, with half his face hanging off.]

JT: Ow! That really hurt!

Alice: Hey! Is he wearing a mask?


;;; He certainly seems to be!

03.13.069

Charlie: [Gasps] Who ARE you? What are you hiding under that mask? [Tries to rip the mask off JT]

03.13.070

[He pulls it off himself, revealing himself to be none other than DOLORION, a demon with whom the party have had many dealings.]

Dolorion: Okay, okay, you got me. [Sighs, annoyed] I shouldn't have rushed you, but I'm due at The Destroyer's in half an hour.


;;; The party have had several dealings with Dolorion, starting with

them persuading

;;; him not to invade their dimension, when he was working for another

demon called

;;; Athlacca. They convinced him that the earth was too ripe for

Athlacca, because

;;; if he took it over, he would become too powerful. Dolorion later

saved the party

;;; when they were stuck in another dimension

03.13.071

Harvey : [Gasps] You! What exactly is going on here?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.072

Alice: Are we even in the future?

Dolorion: [Shrugs] I wanted to get an Orb of Generomentis into your dimension, this seemed like a nice sneaky way of doing it.

03.13.073

Harvey : And why would you want to do something like that?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.074

Charlie: Yes, and why wear such an insipid face when you could be anyone?!

03.13.074

Charlie: Yes, and why wear such an insipid face when you could be anyone?!

03.13.075

Dolorion: I wanted to blend in with you guys! [To Harvey] I'm a demon. I'm always up to something sneaky.

03.13.076

Charlie: Yes, but why do you want the orb to go through this particular portal?

03.13.077

Dolorion: For the same reason I do everything. I'm [dramatically] trying to take over the world! [Gives a laugh] Nah, seriously, I'm afraid I'm going to have to kill you now. [Gestures to the portal, which begins to close]

03.13.078

Harvey : Hurry troop, but leave the orb behind!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.079

Clint: Best idea I've heard all day, Harv! [Throws the orb at Dolorion and dives through the portal]

03.13.080

Austin : [Half in and half out of the portal] What on earth are you lot waiting for? Must I be held back by your slothfulness for ever?


;;;I thought Austin had the orb?

03.13.081

Alice: [Pushing her way passed Austin] Outta the way, slowcoa-

Dur: [With an arm full and mouthful of sandwiches, pushing his way passed Alice] Mef fifrst!


;;; I didn't remember, I must admit! I just wanted to move things on.

If you want

;;; him to bring the orb back, let him catch it as it bounces off Dolorion

03.13.082

Harvey : [Pushing everyone forward] Time waits for no man, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Tel: +353 1 865 7800 Cork Office: NSC Campus, Mahon, Cork, Ireland Tel: +353 21 435 0073 Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

03.13.083

Dolorion: [Dramatically pulls out a fearsome looking dagger and glares at Austin] Well? What's it to be?

03.13.084

Austin : [Deftly catches the orb as if bounces of Dolorion, looks puzzled] What on earth are you blathering about! I don't have time for your nonsense right now! [Steps through the portal]

03.13.085


;;; Heather's afk

Charlie: And please leave our dimension alone. We have enough trouble without importing demons from other dimensions! Although, it your views on the struggle between good and evil would make for a fascinating article in the Journal of Weird Things. Oh well. [Steps through]

Dolorion: [Takes out an apple] Yeesh, what's his problem? [Cuts a piece off the apple] I was just going to ask him if he wanted some apple!


;;; End of Act -- next one coming right up!