02.01.001

[Book VII, Act II, Scene I. The Magic Shop. ALICE, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and FRED are here, unconscious, all wearing hooded red robes. The shop is quite large, with a counter at one end, a large table in the middle and all sorts of weird looking trinketry packed onto the shelves. HARVEY and CHARLIE are behind the counter, lying on the floor together, FRED is in the middle of the shop floor underneath a medium sized bookcase, which ALICE is on top of. CLINT and DUR are over on a quiet corner, apparently lying down together. Outside it is pitch dark. Inside the place is lit up by a couple of oil lamps.]

Alice: [Slowly stirring] What the hell? [Looks around] Who - where are am I?

02.01.002

Charlie: [Gingerly pushes herself up from the floor. To Alice] I wish I could help you, but I feel a bit fuzzy-headed myself. [Offers Harvey a hand up] Do I know you? We seem somehow--together?

02.01.003

Alice: Am I on a bookcase? [Peers over the top] Huh, there seems to be someone underneath it!

02.01.004

Fred: [Thud! Fred bumps his head on the bookcase.] Gah! I proclaim violence! Wait, who is it that speaks to me?

02.01.005

Alice: Hey! Careful! You nearly knocked me off! What are you doing under there?

02.01.006

Harvey : [Getting up, to Charlie] Why thank you my dear! I say, I would seem to have drooled somewhat on your shoulder while we slept! [Looks around] = Where on earth are we? And who are you people? And who am I for that matter?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.007

Charlie: [Thinks a moment] Since we awakened behind the counter of this shop, perhaps we own it? [Looks at the drool spot on her shoulder] And perhaps you are my aged grandfather?

02.01.008

Harvey : Or perhaps you are my youthful wife? [Scratches a sideburn] I say,what luxurious sideburns I have!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.008

Alice: [Getting off the shelf] Maybe you and the old guy are some sort of freaky cult members? I mean, just look at those weird robes!

02.01.009

Alice: Hey! Freaky cult members! [Waves at Harvey and Charlie] What have you done to us?

02.01.010

Harvey : If my shop contains a mirror, I suggest you purchase it, missy! For you yourself look like the freakish cult member!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.010

Charlie: [Looks at her robes] Yes, that is rather peculiar, I must say. [Pokes around the shelves of the shop] Oh, perhaps we're all wizards! Look at all of the [vaguely] witchy things around!

02.01.011

Alice: [Looks down at herself] Hey! Well, I'm going taking it off! [Peers inside the robe] Oh. I guess I won't be. [Reaches in] Huh, that's kinda cool looking. I wonder if it hurt. [Looks up again] Huh, maybe we're all part of a cult. [Looks over at Dur and Clint] One that's really liberal and open minded?

02.01.012

Fred: [Wriggles out from under the bookcase and stands up.] I actually rather like these robes. In fact, they're my most favourite piece of clothing ever! [Pauses] Not that I can remember any other piece of clothing...

02.01.013

Clint: [Wakes up slowly] Mmm, hello b- [jumps up] Woah! What the hell is going on here?

02.01.014

Harvey : It would appear that you and your... [peers closely at Dur] ...special male friend there, were sleeping in my shop!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.015

Dur: [Wakes up, yawns, and stretches, sniffing the air as he does so] I say, what is that delicious smell? Did someone make breakfast? I don't usually= make it a habit to share a meal with strangers... Or with anyone for that matter...=20

02.01.016

Alice: It's okay, with the way you two were snuggling, I don't think you are strangers -- at least, not any more! [Looks around] So, we're all wearing these robes, but why on earth were [points at Fred] you under a bookcase? And hey, how come you're the only one wearing an amulet?

[It's true. FRED has an amulet hanging around his neck.]

02.01.017

Charlie: Perhaps you're the head witch! [Peers at the amulet] Do try taking it off and seeing if anything happens.

02.01.018

Alice: Maybe he cast a spell on us? After all, we can hardly never have any memory all the time, can we? I'm sure I'd remember something like that.

02.01.019

Harvey : [Checks his robes for pockets] Perhaps this state is normal? I don't know, I can't remember. Perhaps it's normal to sleep under bookcases and= behind shop counters?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.019

Fred: [Crosses arms] Well, I'm sure I'd remember if I'd cast some spell on you. And I don't, so I didn't. Q. ED. And I'm not taking it off, I like it and I don't trust you.

02.01.020

Alice: [To Fred] One, I didn't ask you to take it off. Two, maybe you're a really incompetent spell casters, and three, maybe you can't be trusted and are lying about not remembering.

[HARVEY checks his robe, and finds that there are pockets, but that they contain nothing but a snotty hanky in one, and a honeyed golden locust in the other. ALICE approaches the counter and picks up a leaflet.]

Alice: [Reading from the leaflet, painfully slowly] Welcome to the Magick Boxxxe. The proprietors, Lemon Jello and Orange Jello will be happy to help you with all your mystic needs, historical tomes and rare artifacts. Also, porn.

Clint: Porn? Cool! [To Harvey and Charlie] So, who's Lemon and who's Orange? And where's the porn? [Looks at Dur for a moment, before adding quickly] With - with women, of course.

02.01.021

Charlie: [Looks at a leaflet] I don't remember much, but I am certain I would never consent to be called by such an absurd name. And if I were born with such a name, I would waste no time in changing it or finding a delightful nickname to replace it. [Searches her own pockets]

02.01.022

Dur: [Looking about the store with interest] Maybe Jello IS your delightfulnickname and your REAL name is even worse than that?

02.01.023

Alice: Or maybe you changed your real name to Jello when you married your Sugar Daddy?

[CHARLIE searches her pockets, but finds nothing. Meanwhile, ALICE also checks her.]

Alice: Hey, I have something. Ew! It's kind of squishy. [Takes out two small squishy balls] What on earth are th- [pales] I think I have someone's eyes in my pockets!

02.01.024

Dur: Well that's an odd thing to keep in your pocket. [Peers over her shoulder] Are you going to eat both of them?

02.01.025

Alice: Not right at once, of course, I mean, I - hey! What is wrong with you?

02.01.026

Harvey : What joy! [Chomps loudly on his honeyed golden locust] So, I'm mister Jello, eh.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.027

Charlie: [Eyes Harvey's midsection thoughtfully] Orange, I would expect.

02.01.028

Alice: [Puts the eyeballs on the counter, giving a shiver] What else do people have? Maybe there are clues in our pockets?


;;; Valur is out today

Fred: [Searches through his pockets before pulling his hands out] I've got some chicken feet and hey, a library card. [Reads the name] Jock Itch?

02.01.029

Charlie: What an unfortunate name! You really should change it if you wish to avoid cruel jokes.

02.01.030

Fred: As long as you and your husband are around, I'm sure any cruel jokes will be directed at you.

Clint: [Checks his pockets] Hm, I have a letter, let's see. [Looks at the front] Claude Asswipe?

02.01.031

Charlie: [Horrified] Now, really! That can't possibly be right, can it? Perhaps we are in a play of some kind, and these are merely our character names?

02.01.032

Alice: I don't know, Lemon, they seem pretty real to me, and besides, where is the audience?

02.01.033

Dur: [As he checks his own pockets] Perhaps they have a magic box that scries our every move and they can watch us from a great distance?

02.01.034

Alice: As long as that box isn't connected to the toilet!

[DUR pulls out a receipt from "Bob's Noose and Effigy Store" which is made out to AARON C. RESKEW.]

Alice: Maybe there's a receipt for one of the rest of us? [To Charlie, who's standing in front of eight different huge jars of eyes] Do you sell eyes, by any chance?

02.01.035

Charlie: [Huge emphasis, gesturing to the jars of eyes] I think so! [Laughs hysterically]

02.01.036

Last from heather 35

Alice: What's so funny?

02.01.037

Charlie: [Sighs] Oh, never mind! [Looks at a nearby receipt] A Brunhilde Asswipe purchased some eyes recently. [To Clint] A relation of yours, perhaps?

02.01.038

Clint: Hah! Some chance, Lemmie. So far there's only one person here with a pocket full of eyes, isn't that right, [to Alice] Brunie?

Alice: [Startled] What? [Horrified] No way!

02.01.039

Charlie: At least your name is respectable and not also a tasty treat!

02.01.040

Alice: Itch? You think Itch is respectable?


;;; Valur is out today and tomorrow.

Fred: I think she said your name is probably Asswipe.

Alice: [Relieved] Phew. [Thinks for a moment] Hey! That's much worse!

02.01.041

[Time passes.]

Fred: Yes, yes it is. Maybe we should look around?

02.01.042

Charlie: Yes, but do try not to trod upon the merchandise. I expect we make a tidy profit off this nonsense! [Goes to a bookshelf and starts flipping through books]

02.01.043

Dur: [Searches around the room seeking anything helpful] I wonder why we can't recall anything.

02.01.044

[The shop seems to be full of all sorts of crazy looking items, but nothing leaps out as being particularly useful.]

Alice: Hey, everyone be quiet a minute! There's a door here, and I think I can hear someone behind it!

02.01.045

Charlie: Splendid, perhaps they can tell us something! [Goes to open the door]

02.01.046

[CHARLIE opens the door to reveal a tiny store room. In the middle is a man, bound and gagged. This is ORANGE JELLO, he struggles when he sees the party.]

Alice: Quick! Close the door!

02.01.047

Harvey: By the saints, looks like my shop has a strict policy for dealing with customer complaints, what! Bound and gag them, and that'll soon lead to a cessation of their complaining! Or perhaps it's a shop lifter!

02.01.048

Charlie: [Attempts to pull down Orange's gag] Caught you red-handed, did we?!

02.01.049

Harvey : Ha! No doubt you were eyeballed performing your thieving ways by our magic eyeballs!

02.01.050

Orange: What? Are you people insane? What the hell is wrong with you? [Narrows his eyes] And where is my wife?

Alice: Am I your wife?

Orange: No!

Alice: Then we don't know.

02.01.051

Harvey : Ha, a pair of thieves, eh? The infamous Connie and Blyde, no doubt!

02.01.052

Orange: What the hell? This is my shop! Look at those porn VDVs! Who's picture is on the front?

Alice: [Looks at a VDV] This one looks like a goat.

Orange: Beside the goat!

Alice: Another goat?

Orange: Hey! That's my wife! Look at the person beside her!

Alice: Hm, that could be him, although it's difficult to tell with him wearing so many clothes. [Gestures to the nearly naked Orange with the VDV.]

02.01.053

Harvey : Casts a disgusted look at the VDV cover! Well, if that is your wife, she has a most admirable beard, I must say! But correct me if I'm wrong, but starring in one of these disgusting films is hardly proof of shop ownership!

02.01.054

Orange: Well, excuse me for not being able to produce a driving licence, seeing as how I'm tied up and all, and also that I can't drive!

Fred: I saw a safe behind the counter, maybe if he knew the combination to it, that might be evidence that his story isn't a complete fabrication?

02.01.055

Charlie: [To Fred] But how do WE know this isn't a scheme of yours to get at our hard-earned money?!

02.01.056

Orange: Because he's one of you!

Fred: Hm, good question. Of course, it is an awful lot of trouble to go to in order to rob a magic shop. Surely I would have robbed a bank instead?

Alice: Maybe that's exactly what you want us to think!

02.01.057

Charlie: [To Orange] Do you know the combination to safe?

02.01.058

Orange: Of course I do, it's my safe!

02.01.059

Charlie: We'll see about that! Do you know who we are, perchance?

02.01.060

Orange: Of course not! You just came in pretending to be - well, whatever it is you are pretending to be, and then tied me up.

02.01.061

Dur: What were we pretending to be?

02.01.062

Harvey : This all seems very unlikely, troop! If he knows the combination to my safe, it's most probable only because we caught him trying to rob it!

02.01.063

Orange: [Thinks for a moment, not answering Dur's question, before shouting out loud] Help! Help!

02.01.064

Harvey : There now, enough of your jibber jabber and attempting to warn your accomplice! Your partner in crime, Mrs Goat! Enough I say! [Scratches a sideburn] Have you seen others wearing these robes, apart from us, that is?

02.01.065

Orange: Um, [looks at the party members] sure! You guys get all your supplies here. Not that I judge, of course, no sir, none of my business what you do with all those turtles.

02.01.066

Charlie: But turtles are fascinating and make delightful pets!

02.01.067

Orange: Uh, yeah, that's true.

02.01.068

Harvey : Well, let us cut to the chase! You claim we entered this shop pretending to be, whatever it is we're pretending to be, then tied you up and placed you in this room. And then we had a nap. By the saints, this all sounds like a pack of lies, or my name isn't Orange Jello! Or Lemon Jello. Whichever!

02.01.069

Orange: What? Look, first of all, they are pronounced Oo-rangelow and Li-mangelow, and your name isn't either! I'm Orange Jello! And, for what it's worth, I seem to have had a nap too, and, er, a bit of an accident.

[Everyone steps back for a bit.]

Orange: Hey! It's been hours since I woke up!

02.01.070

Harvey : Curious. Very curious, what! [To the others] He does seem quite earnest, and [sniffs] more than a little whiffy!

02.01.071

Alice: [Disappointed] Aw! I wanted to not untie him!

Orange: You bastards! Come on! You got what you wanted, now get the hell out of here!


;;; Welcome back Valur!

02.01.072

Harvey: Perhaps he's actually correct and he does own the shop? [To Orange] What did we want?

02.01.073

Orange: [Gives a big sigh] Okay, I don't know what the hell you did, or why my memory was affected, but you, well, not you, but the others, came in looking for an Orb of Generomentis.

02.01.074

Fred: The Orb of what now?

02.01.075

Orange: No, the Orb of Generomentis.

Alice: And what does an Orb of Geronimo do?

Orange: Oh, you know, most people just use them as paper weights.

02.01.076

Charlie: Well, I love paperweights as much as the next person, but surely there's more to it than that?

02.01.077

Harvey : Indeed! Did you have this orb in stock? Does the orb look like an eyeball?

02.01.078

Orange: No, it's about the size of an orange. [To Charlie] I don't know what you wanted with it, you just came in, tied us all up, and took it.

02.01.079

Harvey : And other than a paperweight, what properties does this orb possess? Intended usage, and suchlike?

02.01.080

Orange: It's supposed to be able to give corporeal form to things that exist in someone's mind, but that's just a myth. We sell a bunch every year to lonely bachelors around Valentine's Day, but I've never heard of them actually working.

02.01.081

Charlie: [Surveys the party] Lonely bachelors? Why, it could have been for any number of you! [Looks pointedly at Dur and Clint]

02.01.082

Harvey : [To Charlie] Bachelors, perhaps. Lonely? Judging from their positions when we awoke, I'm not so sure, what!

02.01.082

[DUR and CLINT look each other up and down.]

Clint: If this guy is just a product of my imagination, I'm glad I lost my memory!

Orange: Huh, so you really have lost your memories too? I wonder why yours didn't come back.

02.01.083

Fred: Hey, why didn't I get one? I'm a bachelor... I think...

02.01.084

Charlie: I didn't include you because you don't strike me as the lonely type. [To Harvey] And you're clearly too old for carnal relations.

02.01.085

Alice: [To Charlie] Is that why you married him? [To Fred] Maybe we're married? It could explain why I was trying to squash you with a book case. You know how - hey! [Suddenly turns to Orange] Hey, what do you mean lost our memories too?

Orange: You know, it would be an awfully lot easier to tell you stuff if I wasn't tied up, lying in my own, and what appears to be someone else's, filth. I've been here for days!

02.01.086

Dur: Oh? Is this the bathroom then? [Starts to hike up his robe alarmingly close to Orange]

02.01.086

Harvey : [To Charlie] My dear, we must be married, for I would seem to have an innate ability to drown out your voice when you speak.

02.01.087

All: No!

02.01.088

Harvey : Good God man, desist, I say! We shall not be torturers!

02.01.089

down in a less soiled area, presuming he can do so without getting himselfall dirty and disgusting and all...] Here. Least we can do is leave you a= ll tied up in a nicer place!=0A=0A;;; Back, and utterly exhausted. Conferences are terrific as long as one =0A;;; doesn't mind spending the best part= of a week without sleep!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.01.090

Orange: No, the least you can do is untie me! My arms are aching!


;;; Welcome back!

02.01.091

Harvey : It is your legs, and the speed with which they will carry you away, screaming and hollering for help, that I'm more concerned about!

02.01.092

I'm more=0A> concerned about!=0A=0AClint: The old guy's right. Just tell us what we need to know and we'll let you go!=0A =0A=0A=0A

02.01.093

Orange: How the hell do I know what you want? Just tell me what you need to know!

Alice: Give me patience! How on earth can we tell you what we need to know when we don't what need to know because we don't know anything, and if you don't tell us what we need to know then we can't tell you what we need to know so that you can then tell us what we need to know, you know? [Pause] No?

[The party suddenly hear a woman screaming from another side of the shop.]

02.01.094

Harvey : [Turns around] Someone has just seen the cover of that porn magazine! [Walks towards the screaming]

02.01.095

[HARVEY heads across the room and comes to another door, which he opens. Inside there, tied to a chair is LEMON JELLO, who stops screaming the moment she sees HARVEY.]

Lemon: Oh my God! Are you people still here? Please! Please! Let me up! And let the others out, why are you doing this to us?

02.01.096

Harvey : Why indeed...madam? Others? What others?

02.01.097

Lemon: [Taken aback] The others you locked into the bathroom!

Alice: [Points at another door] Is that the bathroom?

Lemon: Ye-.

[ALICE zooms in, slamming the door behind her. There follows what sounds like a powerhose for a good five minutes. Shortly after, she comes out.]

Alice: Well, they're gone now, and the window's open.

02.01.098

Harvey : [Too quickly] Well, I must check this for myself! [Harvey races into the bathroom and slams the door. There follows what sounds like silence for a good five minutes, before a roar] Damnable prostate!!!!

02.01.099

Charlie: [To Alice and Harvey] Perhaps the two of you are related? You certainly seem to share a biological and no doubt genetic predisposition to large bladders! [Pauses before continuing, delighted] And I think I must be quite bright!

02.01.100

Fred: Bright enough to figure out who we are, why we cannot remember it and where we came from?

02.01.101

Alice: Maybe he's my grandfather, [to Charlie] so that makes you my grand mother, I guess!

Lemon: [Shakes in her bonds] Please! I'm starving, thirsty, and I need a shave! Let me free!

02.01.102

Charlie: [To Alice] Cousin, I would guess. [To Lemon] A shave? What peculiar priorities!

02.01.103

Lemon: You bastards! Did you come back for more? What else do you want?

02.01.104

Charlie: [To Lemon] Do calm down! We have no memory of doing anything whatsoever to you, and your constantly prattling is making it very difficult to think! [To Harvey] Colonel, do give this woman something to eat so we may have a minute of peace!

02.01.105

Fred: Colonel? I thought he was the shopkeeper, Charlie.

02.01.106

Alice: Colonel? Charlie? What are you talking about?

02.01.107

Dur: [Turning back to the woman] If we free you and the man, presumably your husband, in the next room, will you help us piece together what is going = on here?

02.01.108

Lemon: Yes, by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin!


;;; Gone for the day, have a good weekend everyone!

02.01.109

Charlie: Marvelous! Why don't you tell us some of what you know first, to ensure that we might be able to make an equitable exchange?

02.01.110

Lemon: [Sigh] Okay, all I know is that we were here on Friday evening, and a group of local wiccas came in. They're your typical new age idiots, more into bake sales than spells, so we normally just let them soak up the aura of the store, or whatever the hell they think they're doing. They seemed unusually excited that night, and were looking for an Orb of Generomentis. They put on those same silly red robes you're all wearing now and started some sort of chanting. Orange thought that there was something wrong, and tried to stop them, and that's why we got tied up.

02.01.111

Fred: Huh. Do you know if the chanting did anything?

02.01.112

Lemon: Just that you guys came and broke it up. You put them in here and took Orange away, demanding to know how many Orbs of Generomentis we had, and who else had bought them.

02.01.113

Charlie: Fascinating! Who else had bought them? Do you have that information?

02.01.114

Lemon: No, because we had a break in the night before and most of them were stolen.

02.01.115

Harvey: I see! So either someone needed a whole load of paperweights, or there is skullduggery afoot! I've absolutely no memory of any of this, or why= we were looking for the orbs!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.116

Harvey : Because that's what I am, dear niece. I say, I've suddenly remembered that your my niece, Alice! And that she's not my wife, but a cadet in o= ur troop!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.116

Alice: Soo. There's suddenly a whole lot of paperwork being done? [To Charlie] Charlie, how come you called [points at Harvey] him Colonel?

02.01.117

Alice: That's right! And I'm not an asswipe at all!

Lemon: The name is pronounced Ah-Sweep-Eh!

02.01.118

Charlie: [To Harvey] You continue to suffer from memory loss, I'm afraid. I lead this group, as I recall.

02.01.119

Alice: Oh, God, now it's all coming back. This argument is horribly familiar!

02.01.120

Harvey : Ah yes indeed, I remember delusional was one of her traits! Charlie, as I recall, which is odd, considering it's a boys name. And the stinky = one is private Scar!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.121

Fred: Huh, I thought Dur was the stinky one...

02.01.122

Alice: I think Lemon is the stinky one!

Lemon: For God's sake! I've been here for DAYS! Of course I'm stinky -- if I wasn't so damned thirsty I'd probably be even worse!

02.01.123

Fred: Oh for- If we untie you two, will you both cease your whining?

02.01.124

Lemon: [Whinily] Yes! Do you have Orange too?


;;; Orange is actually in a different room

02.01.125

Dur: We don't HAVE anyone. He's in the other room.

02.01.125

Harvey : We will release him if you behave, madam.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.126

y day.=0A=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.01.127

Lemon: What the hell has been going on for the last two days?

02.01.128

embering our own names here!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.01.129

Fred: I'm Fred! [Looks very pleased with himself]

02.01.130

Harvey : Two days? We've been knocked out for two days?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.131

Dur: Two days is a long time to be unconscious. [Narrows eyes at Clint] I suspect you had something to do with this.

02.01.132

0A=0AClint: And then what, I knocked myself out just to make it look like an accident?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.01.133

Dur: You're the evil genius, not me Clint! All I know is that I woke up cradled in your large, masculine embrace! It was kind of nice but that is no e= xcuse for date rape!

=20

02.01.134

excuse for date rape!

Harvey : [To Dur] Sounds to me private, that we have perhaps entered the sordid imaginary world of Dur, courtesy of one of those Orb things.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.135

Alice: Unlikely, Harv. I mean, just look at him, surely he could make himself look less, well, less like that!

02.01.136

Harvey : Very true, dear niece, but it does beg the question, imagine what he really looks like if he thinks his current appearance is an improvement!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.137

Alice: [Thinks hard for a moment, with a classic pondering look, before a look of horror comes over her] Ew!

02.01.138

Charlie: Though this amusing patter is most diverting, we really must go and investigate this peculiar cult with which we seem to be associated! Group, let us go into the town and try to learn more about our most peculiar situation.

02.01.139

Alice: Good idea, Charlie, but, well, we're hardly going to go out dressed like this, are we? Not with all these eyes in our pockets. [Pats her pockets] Hey! Did someone steal my eyes?


;;; Sorry Kevin, but I can't resist!

Dur: [Through a mouthful of something] Mi midn't!

02.01.139

Fred: Town? What town? What do you know about a town?

02.01.140

Harvey : First we need to release the other Jello.

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.141

[Everyone heads to where ORANGE is, and he is soon released. He and LEMON exchange a bunch of cutesy hellos that frankly make everyone nauseous.]

Alice: [To Fred] You know, we probably are in a town. However unlikely it is that there's a shop that sells porn and magic stuff, it seems even more unlikely that such a thing exists in the middle of nowhere. Unless, of course, we really are in Dur's imagination, in which case it is all too likely!

02.01.142

Harvey : That's sound thinking dear niece. [To Orange] I don't suppose yourmagic shop contains an item to change robes to normal clothes?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.143

Orange: As a matter of fact it does.

02.01.144

Harvey : How wonderful! What and where is this object?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.145

Orange: It's called a wardrobe.

02.01.146

Fred: Fascinating!

02.01.147

Dur: I suppose something so ordinary could seem fascinating to the uncivilized...

02.01.147

Charlie: Could you lead us to this wonderful creation?

02.01.148

Orange: Sure. [Points to wardrobe behind him] We also sell a selection of tasteful clothes. [Holds up a t-shirt with a picture of a surprised looking goat on it that has the tagline "I got Boxxxed!"]

02.01.149

Charlie: [Looks at the goat shirt, then asks] And where are your tasteful clothes?

02.01.150

Harvey : Ha, Harvey jnr would love one of those! I'll take one!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.151

Orange: [Laughs at Charlie, before talking to Harvey] I can kit out the whole party with similar for just a hundred GP.


;;; Of course, no one has any money

02.01.152

Charlie: Wonderful! Put it our tab, would you? Now, where can we change into our--humorous and colorful new clothes?

02.01.153

Orange: [Guffaws at Charlie's naivete] Oh please! You kicked in our door, pushed people around, tied them and then kept us prisoner for days! Do you really think I'm going to give you these clothes for free?

02.01.154

Charlie: [Lamely feigning delight] Oh, you would like to give us these clothes for free? That's wonderfully kind of you. We accept!

02.01.155

Harvey : We did rescue you, after all!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.01.156

Orange: After keeping us prisoner for days!

02.01.157

Charlie: Bit of a glass is half-empty type, aren't you? You WERE freed, after all!

02.01.158

Dur: [Raises an eyebrow] Perhaps they did not truly want to be freed and are looking to be tied up again?

02.01.159

Alice: [Nods] There is quite a lot of that urine soaked rope left, after all.

[ORANGE and LEMON exchange worried looks.]

Orange: Let me show you to your free clothes!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

02.02.001

[Book VII, Act II, Scene II. The Magic Boxxxe. ALICE, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED, HARVEY, ORANGE and LEMON are here. The party are now all changed, wearing the sort of tasteless apparel one would expect to find in a Magic/Porn combination shop.]

Alice: [Wearing a t-shirt that says "Rub My Magic Lamps", with two oil lamps painted on the chest, and a cheap and tawdry leather skirt with lots of chains on it] Hey look! I have this same skirt at home!


;;; Make sure to tell the rest of us what your character ended up wearing!

02.02.002

Charlie: [Wearing as an ill-fitting knee-length dress an enormously oversized pink t-shirt with an image of a crystal ball that reads "Ball Inspector"] Mother would die of shame if she could see me!

02.02.002

Fred: [Wearing a t-shirt with a picture of a polar bear with sunglasses, captioned "I'm So Handsome I Could Shit", an open-chested black leather vest with many decorative chains, as well as a pair of black leather pants.] You know, the lack of comfort is more than offset by the... [shifts to produce a creaking sound from his leather apparel, and sighs with delight.]

02.02.003

Alice: [Looks at Charlie and suppresses a "damn", before giving her sulky look] Nice t-shirt, Charlie.

02.02.004

Dur: [Looks down at his "I'm With Stupid", complete with an upwards pointing arrow, shirt] At least they are accurate.

02.02.004

ing a t-shirt that says "I may not be Mr. Right, but I'll fuck you until heshows up" along with an absolutely *fabulous* set of purple silk pajamas l= ined with leapord fur, complete with accompanying hat, boots, and cane.] Dammit, I wanted the leather pants!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.02.005

Alice: [Turns her head upside down to read Dur's t-shirt] I don't get it.

02.02.006

at you and him are a couple, Bimbo.=0A=0A =0A=0A=0A

02.02.007

Harvey : [Wearing a dapper dark blue military coat with burnished epaulettes, black trousers with a red stripe at the sides and knee high military boo= ts] Who would have thought, and it's a perfect fit! Now that's what I call a magic wardrobe, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.008

Alice: Very cool, Uncle Harvey! [Takes a good look] Huh, funny how there's a zip at the back of the pants, isn't it?

02.02.009

Charlie: Everyone dressed? Right, let's go into the town, group!

02.02.010

Fred: On to bloody battle and shining plunder! [Pause] Wait, why did I say that? Nevermind, let's go, I have creaking to do! [Produces a creaking noise from his pants and sighs again.]

02.02.011

Alice: Yeah! Let's go! Let's - huh. [To Orange] Where are we?

Orange: Dementia.

Alice: Hm, back to the scene of the crime, I see.

[The party head out onto the street, it is Myalgia Street. It is dark, and there are a number of normal looking shops here, all of which are closed. There is also a bar, the Fairly Awful Relaxing Tavern, which, although one of the windows is boarded up, appears to be open.]

Alice: Right, it's 11PM, so that's probably the only thing open around here. [By way of explanation] I got a clock from the Magic Boxxxe, it's a magic clock!

02.02.012

Charlie: [Looks at the clock] What magical properties does it possess?

02.02.013

Alice: [Excitedly] It always tells the same time!

02.02.014

Dur: Hmmm... Seems less like a clock and more like a bad investment...

02.02.015

Harvey: I didn't see you purchase anything in the shop, dear niece!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.016

Alice: Uh, well, that's because of all that whacky [waves her fingers around vaguely] lost memory stuff!

02.02.017

Fred: Alice's useless trinket aside, it is dark and this tavern seems to be conveniently placed as to allow us to ascertain- ah, what the hell, I just hope they have some wenches. Come on. [Strides towards the bar.]

02.02.018

Alice: Hang on, Fred, not so fast. [Smugly] Luminous clock face on the so-called useless device. [Holds up the clock to light the way, and almost immediately falls over a trashcan] Ow.

[ALICE is helped up and the clock taken from and thrown away, before the party head into the bar. It is small and dingy, with what appears on first glance to be just four customers, all men. Two are sitting at a table together, one at a table by himself, and the other is asleep at the bar. There is surprisingly little furniture here for a bar. The barman, HEREZ PILLTON, lights up when he sees the party, although he is so bruised and battered, it clearly causes him discomfort to do so.]

Herez: My my! The heroes have returned! Come in! Come in! [Looks aghast when he sees the party, and puts his hands on his hips] Darlings, these new outfits concern me.

02.02.019

Harvey : [To Herez] You seem to be familiar with us sir! Tell us how, and why? <P><A href=http://queens-view.com/cast.php?query=Herez%20Pillton>Herez Pillton</A>

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.020

Charlie: Yes, and why are you in such a dreadful state? Have been attacked?

02.02.021

Last from heather

On 10 Mar 2010, at 15:31, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com> wrote:

02.02.021

Last from heather

Herez: Oh how quickly they forget! Sweeties, you're the ones responsible for most of the damage! Not to me, of course, but to my once beautiful establishment!

02.02.022

Harvey : [Looking around the bar] By the saints? How so?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.023

Fred: Were we relieving you of your valuables or did you insult one of us?

02.02.024

it? Seems to be a lot of that going around lately!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.02.025

Herez: None of the above! You chased that bunch of whatever-the-hell they were in here after they tried to take the kid. [Points to himself] They're the ones who did this. [Points to the bar] You're the ones who did this, although, they sure got what they had coming to them. [Starts pouring out some drinks] Did you catch up with them?

02.02.026

kid. [Points=0A> to=0A> himself] They're the ones who did this. [Points tothe bar] =0A> You're the=0A> ones who did this, although, they sure got wha= t they had=0A> coming to=0A> them. [Starts pouring out some drinks] Did you catch=0A> up with them?=0A=0AClint: Err... [eyes the drinks before ans= wering relectantly.] Who knows?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.02.027

Herez: [Laughs] Haw! Well, unless your blank was way bigger than everyone else's, you must be ill to not already have drank those b-

[In one swift movement, ALICE, CLINT, DUR and FRED step forward and knock back a full beer each. When they step back, rather mysteriously, all six are empty,]

Herez: That's more like it! Now Clint, I think you guys know. I hope you kicked their asses, did you? If you don't me asking, what on earth happened on Friday? You guys looked really sooked.

Alice: Don't you mean spooked?

Herez: That's what I said.

Alice: [Eyeing up another beer] You didn't, you said sooked.

Herez: It only sounded like that because I used up all my P in the beer you just drank.

02.02.028

Charlie: [To Herez] It's really rather odd, as we don't quite remember what happened. Anything you could tell us would be most helpful!

02.02.029

Dur: [Knocks back another beer despite Herez's confession] And please, talkslowly.=20


;;; It's almost expected at this point right?

02.02.030

Harvey : [Looking at Dur] Good grief, if only it was possible to forget youagain, private!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.031

elpful.] Give it long enough for the dementia to set in, Harv, and your problems are over!=0A=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.02.032

Herez: There's not a whole to tell. That little kid came in, all beaten up looking, and I was trying to clean her up when those jerks with the red robes came in and took her from me. That's where I got all my bruises. Then you guys came along.

02.02.033

Charlie: And what [finger quotes] little kid was that?

02.02.034

Herez: That [finger quotes] little kid was [finger quotes] Rachel. You then went to take her home. A few hours later, you turned up again looking real agitated, demanding to know where the robed guys might be. I wondered if something awful had happened to Rachel and the Colonel.

02.02.035

Harvey : Colonel? Do you mean me?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.035

Fred: The Colonel? [Points to Harvey] This guy?

02.02.036

Harvey : Why, was I not with the troop when they returned to the bar? [To the party] Does anyone remember this Rachel?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.036

Herez: Well, I don't see any other Colonel here!

02.02.037

All: [Shrugging their shoulders] Idunno.

Herez: Nope, and they seemed pretty flustered, although, I'm pleased to say, they weren't wearing those awful clothes then.

02.02.038

Fred: Do you have any idea who those red-robed people were? Any organization around here that wears such a uniform?

02.02.039

Harvey : Indeed so! Also, where does Rachel live?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.040

Herez: Sorry guys, no idea. I don't know who those red robed renegades were either, although I swear one of them sounded like that asswipe Claude [correct pronounciation] Asswipe. When you called in on Friday night, I sent you over to the Magic Boxxxe, were they there?

02.02.041

Charlie: I'm not sure, but he had been at some point. I don't suppose you know anyone who could tell us where Rachel lives?

02.02.042

Herez: Sorry, Charlie, but no one knew her, that's why you guys were bringing her back.

02.02.043

Dur: Well then, how about Mr. Claude Asswipe? Surely if he and his goons were after the girl they may have an idea where she lived. Or perhaps we coul= d find out WHY they were after her in the first place...

02.02.044

Herez: Sure thing, Dur. He lives over on Myopia Street. I haven't seen him since Friday. Hey, do you think he had anything to do with everyone losing that half hour? That's kinda freaky, isn't it?

02.02.045

Harvey : I fear we've lost far more than just half an hour, chappie! Considerably more! [To the others] We should go to Myopia Street and track down t= his rum cove!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.046

Herez: Well, if it is him, tell him he's barred!

[The party head out, following directions from HEREZ, and soon come to Myopia Street, which is easily recognizable because of the comically oversized numbers on the houses.]

Alice: Here we go, number 13, that's where Claude lives. It seems pretty quiet though, maybe they're asleep? I wonder what time it is. Hm, if only we had a magic clock!

02.02.047

Fred: Well if we kick down the door, we'll get in and we know that they'll be awake due to the racket. Two birds with one stone! [Moves towards the door]

02.02.048

Alice: Plus, it has the added advantage of letting them know we're coming!

02.02.049

Harvey : Let us first try the door, it may be unlocked!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.050

[HARVEY tries the door and finds that it is locked. A woman's voice calls out from within.]

Woman: There's no one here! Go away!

02.02.051

Charlie: Don't be absurd! We can clearly hear you, and therefore know that someone is, indeed, there! Do let us in, won't you? We aren't selling anything, I can assure you.

02.02.052

Woman: Uh, in that case, you can't come in. I live for shopping, you know.

02.02.053

Harvey : Then you are in luck, dearest madam, for we are indeed not sellinganything...that's not worth buying! Roll up, roll up, the deals of the cen= tury awaits!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.055

Dur: [Trying to sweeten the deal] AND we have cookies!From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.102.215.18 with HTTP; Thu, 11 Mar 2010 08:42:45 -0800 (PST) Date: Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:42:45 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <2ab5065a1003110842i3a980730k531dda662845520e@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, =?ISO-8859-1?Q?Valur_Sigur=F0arson?= <valurs@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <thg8rguy@yahoo.com>, Colin Dinan <colin.dinan@gmail.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

[There is the sound of furniture being moved, followed by what seems like half a dozen bolts being opened, then chains and several keys, before the door is pulled open by an excited looking woman in a dressing gown. This is ASHLEY ASSWIPE. The cruel lies of the party become apparent to her as soon as she spots them.]

Ashley: Hey! You're not selling deals of the century at all! [Tries to close the door]

02.02.056

Dur: [Tries to cram his foot over the threshold to keep the door from shutting] We certainly are! We're selling sweet, sweet justice and retribution a= nd you're our first client!

02.02.057

0A> sweet justice and retribution and you're our first client!=0A=0AClint:Plus, we'll let you have some pimpin' clothes for a song! =0A=0A=0A=0A =

02.02.058

Ashley: [Can't get the door shut because of Dur's foot] You bastards! I know nothing! Nothing! I - [calms down] what kind of clothes?

02.02.059

nd of clothes?=0A=0AClint: Let us in and we'll talk about it. Genuine certified 100% originals, one-of-a-kind. You, too, can have our unique look fo= r only a song!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.02.060

Ashley: [Gives the party a suspicious look, before addressing Alice] Let me see your shirt.

[ALICE steps forward so that ASHLEY can see.]

Ashley: No thanks! [Tries to slam the door again, but it is still stuck on Dur's foot]

02.02.061

Harvey : Please madam, you do not think you would find our salespeople actually wearing the finest of quality cloths, do you? What a waste! What pearl= s before swine! Our goods are only for the most discerning of taste!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.062

Ashley: [Relenting] Okay, come on in. [Opens the door]

02.02.063

Charlie: How kind of you to offer! Come along, group! [Attempts to enter the house]

02.02.064

[The party walk passed ASHLEY, into a hallway crammed with all sorts of doileys and frills, as well as furniture that clearly had been used to barricade the door, before they enter a similarly decorated sitting room.]

Ashley: [Eagerly] Show me these pearls!

02.02.065

Harvey: Unfortunately trodden to dust by the swine! An expensive lesson learned, my dear!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.066

Ashley: Huh. Okay, how about showing me the swine? I like a nice bit of bacon.

02.02.067

Charlie: [Vaguely] Yes, my associates will see to that while you and I chat. [Briskly] Now, is Claude home, by any chance?

02.02.068

Ashley: Good, because I'm sta- hey! You're not salespeople at all! Look, I don't know where he is, okay?

02.02.069

Fred: [Menacingly cracks his knuckles] Oh really? Are you sure about that?

02.02.070

Ashley: [Pales a little] Look, I swear I don't know where he is! He was out all night on Friday, and you can imagine how terrified I was with the Blackout and all, and then he came back on Saturday, half naked, packed a bag of clothes and left!

02.02.071

Charlie: [Soothingly] Yes, it must have been dreadful for you! [Brightly] Say, you wouldn't mind if we had a peek into his study, would you? Perhaps we could help you ascertain his whereabouts?

02.02.072

Harvey : Indeed so, we would be most willing to help find your wayward spouse!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.073

Ashley: What has he been up to? What happened that he was so spooked?

02.02.074

Fred: Your husband may have been involved in a kidnapping of some girl we don't really remember but were apparently trying to rescue and we need to find him so we can find out where she is and why all this concerns us.

02.02.075

Dur: And claim the reward of course!


;;; Yes I know there is no reward :p

02.02.076

Ashley: There's a reward? Huh. Well, I wish I knew where he was. He cleaned out a bunch of things from his study when he left. To be honest, I figured he had gone to Jock's house, those two are inseparable these days, but when I called around, Jock said he hadn't seen him either.


;;; Other than the satisfaction of doing a good deed!

02.02.077

Fred: Maybe this Jock's memory can be... [Cracks knuckles again] refreshed...

02.02.078

Alice: Good idea, Fred. This Jock is like an itch that can't be scratched.

02.02.079
02.02.080

Harvey : [To Fred] You are going to be wracked with rheumatism when you getolder, what with all of that knuckle cracking business!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.02.081

Alice: [To Clint] Because we don't know where he is!

02.02.082

Charlie: And where might we find Jock?

02.02.083

Alice: I just told you, I don't know!

Ashley: He lives over on Glaucoma street, number 4. I've called to him, but he swears that he has no Itch.

02.02.084

Charlie: Come, group! Let us get to the bottom of this Itch!

02.02.085

[Exit ALL except ASHLEY.]

Ashley: What a bunch of weirdos. [Takes out a Magick Boxxxe VDV, that appears to be about friendly goats.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming up

02.03.001

[Book VII, Act II, Scene III. Glaucoma Street. ALICE, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, outside JOCK's door, which is closed.]

Alice: Okay, what are we selling this time?

02.03.002

Charlie: Perhaps we shan't need a cover story this time, but if we do we should say we are selling some kind of soothing cream. You know, for itches. [Raps on the door]

02.03.003

Alice: Oh, you mean like Piles-Be-Gone? Or Haemorrid? Or Mysterious-Itchiness-Fixer? Or-


;;; Colin's out today

Harvey: [Interrupting] Ahem! Er, yes, niece, something like that. [Waits a moment before knocking again, harder this time] By the saints! The rudeness of these people! Keeping important salesmen waiting!

02.03.004

Fred: [Pounds on the door] Hey! Open up or I shall kick this door down!

02.03.005

[Silence.]

Harvey: [To Fred] Break it in, Private!

02.03.006

iving Fred the death glare.] I think that's my job, Harv! [Boots the door open.] Haw!=0A=0A=0A__________________________________________________=0ADo= You Yahoo!?=0ATired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around =0Ahttp://mail.yahoo.com

02.03.007

Last from tom 6

[CLINT boots the door in with ease, showing that it was unlocked. It is dark inside, and the light from the street shows that several candles in the hallway have burned out, including some on the floor. ]

02.03.008

Charlie: [Shakes her head] How careless, leaving lit candles unattended! [To Alice] Do take care when stepping past them, so that you do not ignite yourself! [Attempts to step inside]

02.03.009

Fred: [Dejectedly gives the broken door a nudge with his foot] Nyah...

02.03.010

to the room and calls out as enticingly as he can.] Door-to-door itch creamsalesmen!=0A=0A=0A

02.03.011

Dur: [While scratching his arse] Yeah! And it works like a charm!

=20

02.03.012

Alice: If it doesn't work we'll scratch it for y-

[She breaks off as they come to an open door. There are four men in there, all lying on the floor, and the place is covered in blood.]

02.03.013

Fred: [Groans loudly as he sees the bodies] Everyone gets to have fun but me!

02.03.014

Alice: Poor old Fred, always the bridesmaid and never the bride!

02.03.015

Charlie: Yes, heart-rending. Proceed with caution, group. The murderer or murders may still be about! [Looks to see if anyone is lurking]

02.03.016

to see if anyone is=0A> lurking]=0A=0AClint: Let's hope they are so we cankick some ass! [Inspects the bodies.] =0A=0A=0A=0A

02.03.017

Dur: [Inspects each body surprisingly fast] It's my medical opinion that they are all dead. I suggest we look for clues... In the refrigerator.

=20

02.03.018

Fred: [Begins rummaging through the men's pockets] Do tell us what you find.

02.03.019

[The men have clearly all been dead for more than a day. They have a couple of GP each, but nothing particularly interesting.]

02.03.020

ng particularly=0A> interesting.]=0A=0AClint: Well, damn. Dead men tell notales!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.03.021

Alice: [Dramatically] Or do they? Fred, you carelessly missed a note that this one left behind him. [Triumphantly takes the note out] Oh. Actually, it's just a snotty tissue. You know, let's turn on a light, it's really difficult to see anything.

[ALICE lights a candle, finally casting some light about the room. It reveals the words "Malem nequitus reluctor" written in blood beside one of the bodies.]

02.03.022

Harvey : [Also begins searching the bodies] By the saints, what a mess! I wonder what ripped through these people! It could have been us for all we kn= ow!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.023

Alice: Good idea. [Nods at Charlie, and begins searching through a desk, before looking startled at Harvey] What do you mean?

02.03.024

Harvey : Well dear niece, we woke up earlier with the last few days wiped from your memory, wearing someone elses clothes. We've been told that there = was trouble in the local bar, I went missing, and the troop left to pursue a group of unknown strangers. [Gestures towards the bodies] And these might= just be those very strangers!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.025

Alice: Oh, please, Uncle Harvey! If we had killed someone and forgotten about it, don't you think that's the kind of thing we'd remember? And anyway, I've woken up with someone else's clothes loads of times, and nobody ever died. [Thinks for a moment] Well, hardly any.

[Everyone is distracted by the clear sound of someone farting outside in the hall.]

02.03.026

Charlie: Mr. Scar, do please contain your gas until we leave this confined space. That odor makes it very difficult to think whether or not we went on a murderous rampage in the last while!

02.03.027

Harvey : I don't believe that was Private Sleaze, cadet! For when he breakswind, we would already have our eyes melting through our nostrils! [Loudl= y] You there, in the hall! Show yourself!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.028

[Enter JOE BIGG, a man in a well dressed suit holding the most delicious, mouth-watering burger that it has ever been the privilege of any of the party to see. He gives the party a sheepish wave.]

Joe: Hi there. What gave me away? The flatulence?

02.03.029

Charlie: Indeed! What HAVE you been eating, you unfortunate man? And why are you spying on us?

02.03.030

Joe: It's my invention, I call it Bigg Joe's Big Joe. The juiciest, most beautiful burger ever created. All the independent taste tests have it scoring off the chart, but it does have some unfortunate side effects. [Takes another bite] Oh, and by the way, I'm a cop, and you're all under arrest.

02.03.031

Harvey : [Unable to take his eyes off the burger, drooling heavily] That isthe most wondrous sight I have ever seen! Truly majestic! An eight wonder!= [Shakes himself] What do you mean we're under arrest? What for?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.032

Fred: [Sighs] And yet again, we find ourselves in a perfect situation to be accused for murders we didn't commit. Or at least don't remember committing...

02.03.034

Dur: [Licking his chops] For my last meal I choose that burger...From qvblogger MIME-Version: 1.0 Received: by 10.103.212.11 with HTTP; Tue, 16 Mar 2010 05:59:11 -0700 (PDT) Date: Tue, 16 Mar 2010 12:59:11 +0000 Delivered-To: conor.r@gmail.com Message-ID: <2ab5065a1003160559x669ec2deqf847c43c1251d458@mail.gmail.com> To: "Day, Kevin R. (Las Colinas) NA" <Kevin.Day@hanson.biz> Cc: =?ISO-8859-1?Q?Valur_Sigur=F0arson?= <valurs@gmail.com>, Colin Dinan <Colin.Dinan@version1.com>, Heather <heather.goggans@gmail.com>, Tom Henderson <thg8rguy@yahoo.com>, Colin Dinan <colin.dinan@gmail.com>, "qvblogger@gmail.com" <qvblogger@gmail.com> Content-Type: text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1

Joe: [Hands the burger over to Dur] Here you go. I may be a cop, but I'm not a complete bastard. [Looks around] Right, who's first to get his testicles jammed in a drawer as part of their questioning?

02.03.035

Harvey : I say, that's a little unnecessary, isn't it? Why don't you just ask your questions here and now. We are only too happy to help an officer of= the law!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.036

Dur: [The burger is already gone and Dur's stomach is grumbling in protest] Oh my, you weren't kidding about that burger!

02.03.037

Joe: [To Harvey] Look! With all the panic caused by the Blackout, it's only a matter of time before HARMA sweep in here, and a quadruple murder carried out shortly after it, well, they're going to mess you up if you don't co-operate fully with me first, got it? [Fixes Harvey with a stern gaze for a few seconds before giving Dur a big smile] Aw, thanks very much! The big break through was to inject tiny bits of dairy cheese into the burger [dramatically] while cooking!

02.03.038

Charlie: We haven't fled, you'll notice? Do ask your questions and see whether or not we answer them before you accuse us of not cooperating.

02.03.039

Joe: Okay. Where were you on Friday night?

;; The last thing the party remember is Friday afternoon

02.03.040

Fred: No idea. Next question?

02.03.041
02.03.042

Joe: How did you get in here?

02.03.043
02.03.044

Joe: [Raises an eyebrow] Did you kick it in?

02.03.045

__________________________________=0ADo You Yahoo!?=0ATired of spam? Yahoo! Mail has the best spam protection around =0Ahttp://mail.yahoo.com

02.03.046

Joe: [Shakes his head] Not good enough, I'm afraid. I'm arresting you all.

02.03.047

Fred: You know, I actually think that maybe we should allow you to do that. Maybe we'll find some clues as to where we were in the process?

02.03.048

Charlie: My, what a good idea, Fred! [Winks broadly] It would be wrong to attack a police officer in league with HARMA, after all! [Winks furiously at Fred and Clint]

02.03.049

Joe: Look, lady, I don't know what's wrong with your eye, but I can tell you right now, I'm not in league with HARMA, no way, no how! [Takes out a huge pile of handcuffs] Okay, everyone face the wall and drop your pants. [Laughs] Nah, just kidding. Drop your weapons.

02.03.050

o way, no how!=0A> [Takes out a huge pile of handcuffs] Okay, everyone facethe wall and=0A> drop your pants. [Laughs] Nah, just kidding. Drop your we= apons.=0A=0AClint: [Innocently.] What weapons?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.03.051

Joe: The massive weapon you have concealed in your pants. [Laughs] I know, I know, this is hardly the time for joking, but given what's about to happen next, I think we could all do with a little tension relief.

02.03.052

Dur: [Farts] How's that for tension relief!

02.03.053

Joe: [Gives a big smile] Hey! I like you! You're my kinda guy! You know, when all this is over, I'd be happy to give you a taste of some more recipes.

[Bang. A massive wrecking ball smashes in through the side of the house, sending the party diving for cover.]


;;; Paddy's Day tomorrow, so no posts from the Ireland based players!

02.03.054

Charlie: [Peers out from under a table] Group?! Is everyone all right?

02.03.055

Fred: I'm okay. I landed on something soft. [Rolls off Dur]

02.03.056

Alice: I'm not, something heavy landed on me. [Pushes Dur off her]

02.03.057

Harvey : [Pushes Dur off him] What the blue blazes was that? Did private Scar break wind?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.058

Alice: [Pushes Dur off her] I don't know! The whole house seems to be knocked down.

Dur: Hey! Quit all the pushing!

Joe: [Dusting himself down] My apologies, but it's my colleagues' way of saying we need to go down to the station.


;;; Looks like Kevin's away for a bit, so I've taken him off the list

02.03.058

vely, from under his very own chair.] Hey, the doc's the one who ate that sandwich!=0A=0A=0A

02.03.059

Joe: I don't care if you trust me or not, but if you know anything about HARMA, you'll know they'll go easier on you if you surrender to me now.

02.03.059

Charlie: We could have been killed! I hardly think we should trust you if this is the way your colleagues behave.

02.03.060

Harvey : [Looking around at the devastation] Not exactly what I would call preserving the crime scene, what!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.060

Fred: Huh, it is my experience that no matter what we do, they are always just as obnoxious.

02.03.061

Joe: Yeah, but at least this way the boys down the station will get to rough you up before HARMA come in. [Waves in the direction of the wrecking ball] Alright, guys, you can come in now, I think they know you're here. [Gives the party a pained look] Please don't resist arrest, I detest violence, and would hate to see you hurt, especially after all those nice things you said about the Big Joe.

02.03.062

Harvey : You mean, you would hate to see us hurt until you begin torturing us?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.062

Charlie: [Picks up a nearby piece of timber from the wrecked wall] Oh, I quite understand! We are pacifists, as well! [Attempts to whack Joe on the head]

02.03.063

Joe: [To Harvey] Oh no! Please! [Emphasis] I won't be torturing you, I'll be down in the kitchen cooking while that's going on. And sure, they might borrow some of my boiling oil for it, but that's as far as my involvement will be-

[Bang. CHARLIE smacks JOE on the head and knocks him down, apparently unconscious.]

Dur: Noooo! Now where will we get our Big Joes from?

02.03.064

Charlie: [Dusts her hands off briskly] Right, group! I suggest we flee immediately. Chop chop!

02.03.065

Last from Heather $64

Fred: Well of course, considering that is our default battle plan. [Makes for the exit]

02.03.066

t's your sophisticated plan? Hit 'em on a head with a log and then run forit? We at least better slip on out the back! [Makes for any of the no-do= ubt innumerable exits caused by the wrecking ball.] =0A=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.03.067

Alice: You must admit, Clint, it's probably way more complicated and involved than anything you've ever come up with!

[FRED charges out the back door, quickly followed by the rest of the party. The police give chase in their wrecking ball carriage, destroying half the street but failing miserably to catch the party. After a few blocks, the party stop for a rest, only to hear terrified screaming from the nearest house. It appears to be a man, and he is clearly in terrible distress.]

02.03.068

Harvey : [To the man, puffing and panting] I say there, what's the problem fellow?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.069

terrible distress! [Looks over his shoulder to check for the cops.] Maybe we can do something. [Gets ready to hit the guy over the head with a log to= stop him from screaming so he doesn't fetch the police.] =0A=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.03.070

[The party don't get an answer, but follow the sound of the screaming until they find a man in the back garden of the house standing on a ten foot high pole of about one foot diameter, who has a box over his head. There are holes for the eyes but they are taped over. This is JOHN DE BOSCO.]

John: Aiiiieee!

02.03.071

Harvey : By the saints, it must be that annoying magician chap! Bavid Dlaine! Let's leave him to his madness, troop!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.071

Hi.

I'll be unavailable for posting tomorrow, as I'll be fully occupied with preparing for and hopelessly trying to calm my nerves over my audition for entering the Iceland Academy of Art.

Regards, Valur.

02.03.072

Alice: Wow! Do you think so? I saw him do an illusion one time where he made it look like he could lift the top of this thumb off!

02.03.073

Charlie: [Unimpressed] Did he also [finger quotes] get your nose?

02.03.074

Alice: [Gasps in amazement] Yes! And you wouldn't believe where he found a copper piece!

02.03.075

Charlie: [To John] Hello, there? Are you in distress, or just quite mad?

02.03.076

Harvey : I'm thinking the latter, cadet! Most definitely the latter!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.077

John: Help! Help! I'm in incredible pain!

02.03.078

Harvey : How did you get up there?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.079

John: Aaaargh! Aiiiieee! [Calms down] I climbed up. [Starts screaming again]


;;; Gone for the weekend!

02.03.080


;;; Valur's out today

Fred: Will I shake the pole to knock him down?

02.03.081

Charlie: [To Fred] Yes, do. [To John] Do be quiet! We are trying to assist you.

02.03.082

John: [Screams in terror] Nooooo! I've a terrible fear of falling!

[FRED shakes the pole, sending JOHN falling to the ground with a thump.]

John: Ow.

02.03.083

Harvey : There you go Mr Dlaine, problem solved. You are now back on terrafirma!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.084

John: [Ripping the box off his head, causing a number of small snakes and large spiders to go scurrying out] I'm not Bavid Dlaine! I'm John de Bosco!

02.03.085

Harvey : [Deftly avoiding a small snake] Well, Mr de Bosco, let's bring youinto your house and ensure you're suffering no injuries!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.086

John: No! Get the snakes first! And the spiders!

02.03.087

Harvey : [Shaking a spider from his boot] I think not fellow! [Listens for the sound of approaching police] I think we should get you inside immediate= ly and ensure you're sound of body. Our very own private Dur can be left tocollect your pets

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.088

Charlie: [To John] What on earth made you climb up there? [Peers upward at the pole] And what do you mean about the snakes and spiders?

02.03.089

John: [Pointing at the tarantula running away from Alice] The snakes and spiders I had in my box!

Alice: Got him! [Squishes the spider with her shoe]

John: [Screams] No! Not Joey! [To Harvey] Of course I'm sound of body! Well, other than the snake bites and spider webs in my ears, of course.

02.03.090

im! [Squishes the spider with her shoe] =0A> =0A> John: [Screams] No! Not Joey! [To Harvey] Of course I'm sound of body!=0A> Well, other than the snake= bites and spider webs in my ears, of course.=0A=0AClint: If you think I'm spending the next hour helping you pick up your little pets, you've got ano= ther thing coming! [Gets ready to bonk John upside the head and carry him inside... just in case, you understand!] =0A=0A=0A=0A

02.03.091

John: You bastards! Clementine will punish you for this!

02.03.092

Charlie: For what, saving you? Very well, we will leave you to rant atop a pole, as you wish! [To the party] Group, let us be off!

02.03.093

oup, let us be off!=0A=0AClint: [Shrugs, arches an eyebrow at Harv and makes as if to bop John.] =0A=0A;;; Conor, I'm off for work (goooo academia!) bu= t given the go-ahead by =0A;;; someone responsible, Clint'll duplicate Charlie's recent deep and =0A;;; thoughtful plan of hitting someone upside the = head with a 2 by 4 and =0A;;; then leaving.=0A=0A=0A

02.03.094

Harvey : [Shakes his head] Let us be off, troop, and leave this madman to his pole standing, snake and spider infested japery!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.095

John: Do! Run away and keep your fear to yourselves! I fear so that Clementine may be!

02.03.096

your mind! [Leaves John to his delusions.] =0A=0A=0A=0A

02.03.097

John: Keep it secret, but Clementine will find it! Embrace the fear!

02.03.098

Harvey : If by, "embrace the fear", your example of standing on a pole screeching for help like a little girl leaves a lot to be desired, fellow!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.099

John: On the contrary! I got the most scary things imaginable and combined them -- unlike you, those who fear fear.

02.03.100

Charlie: Yes, truly WE are the ones not thinking rationally! [To the party] Come, group! This raving is giving me a headache in my eye!

02.03.101

[The party hurry away from JOHN, who follows them to the edge of his garden, shouting after them.]

John: Fear! Fear is the key!

[Thankfully he doesn't go any further, and the party hurry down a seedy side street.]

Alice: Yeesh! What the hell is wrong with that guy?

[The party can hear a voice from behind a dumpster.]

Voice: [Fairly calm] Ow. Ow.

02.03.102

Charlie: Perhaps the time loss has brought on psychotic fits in the weaker minded sorts? [Calls to the person behind the dumpster] Hello? Are you in distress?

02.03.103

Alice: I don't know, Charlie, I'm feeling fi- I mean, interesting theory!

[A woman looks around from behind the dumpster, using her right hand to pull herself around, showing that is is covered in blood. This is MIRANDA NIXON.]

Miranda: Uh, no, I'm fine.

02.03.104

Harvey : By the saints, you are bleeding, dear woman! Have you been attacked? [Hurrys over to her, taking a handkerchief from his pocket] Here, wrap= this around your wound!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.105

Miranda: No, no, I'm fine.

[The party can see that she has a large pin in her other hand, and that she appears to have caused the wounds herself.]

02.03.105

Fred: Er, did you attempt to sow a mitten on to your hand or something?

;; And I'm back again! Didn't get into the Art Academy, but then, only 7% of applicants do, so I'm not terribly distressed. But it appears my workload is slowing down now so yay!

02.03.106

Miranda: [Puzzled] No, why would I want to do something stupid like that. [Stabs herself in the hand again, plunging the needle in quite deep] Ow! [Goes a little pale] Holy Phili! That one really hurt.


;;; Gah!

02.03.107

Harvey : [Aghast] Good grief woman! What are you doing? If you are looking for garments to mend, I'm sure we can rustle up a few for you to fix. Or da= rn. Or crouchet.


;;; Gah!


;;; Sorry to hear that!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.108

Fred: Indeed. Dur here can take one for the team.

02.03.109

Alice: [Nods] Yeah, stab him with a the needle, he won't even notice.

Miranda: No! I can't do that! That would be worthless.

02.03.110

Dur: [Looking slightly crestfallen] Hey! I am NOT worthless and perfectly fit to be stabbed repeatedly by a needle!


;;; I'm back too. Sorry to hear about the art institute Valur. Are you going to try again?

02.03.111

Miranda: No! I won't! It's my needle, do you hear? Mine! [Holds it up in front of her, pointing towards herself, and takes a deep breath]

02.03.112

Dur: Sheesh! You don't have to taunt us with it! [Tries to snatch the needle from the woman and then cast a healing spell on her] =

02.03.113

[DUR moves with surprising speed and grabs the needle, but there is so much resistance from MIRANDA that he doesn't get to cast the spell.]

Alice: [Trying to hold Miranda down] Yeesh! What is wrong with you?

Miranda: Help! Help! I'm being attacked!

02.03.114

Harvey : What? You most certainly are not! We're trying to stop you from hurting yourself! Why are you doing that?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.115

Miranda: [As though it were obvious] Because I'm terrified of needles!

02.03.116

Harvey : [Pauses] Is this a Clementine thing again? You are doing the very thing that you fear the most? [Scratches at a sideburn] Who ordered you to = do this?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.116

Charlie: I see. [To the party] This is precisely like that horribly disturbed man we just met! [To Miranda, eagerly] What makes you confront your fears in such a violent, direct way? Are you receiving messages from on high or some such nonsense?

02.03.117

Miranda: It's the end of the world! I need to worship Clementine -- now give me back my needle!

02.03.118

Miranda: [Grabs a bottle and breaks it, waving it threateningly at the party] Back off! Give me my needle so that I - oh! [Gives a strangely serene smile] For you, Clementine. [Stabs herself in the eye with the broken bottle, before falling the ground screaming]

Alice: [Sprayed, along with the rest of the party, with blood from the falling Miranda] Holy Phili! I think I'm going to be sick!

02.03.119

oh! [Gives a strangely=0A> serene smile] For you, Clementine. [Stabs herself in the eye with the=0A> broken bottle, before falling the ground screamin= g] =0A> =0A> Alice: [Sprayed, along with the rest of the party, with blood from the=0A> falling Miranda] Holy Phili! I think I'm going to be sick!=0A= 0AClint: [Aghast] What the hell is wrong with this town?!=0A=0A;;; Also sorry to hear the news, Valur!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.03.120

Dur: Tsk! If only I had my medicine bag. This woman is obviously suffering from some kind of ailment! [Taking a shot in the dark, Dur tries to cast Re= move Curse on the woman]


;;; In case its needed http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Remove_Curse, I know we're only vaguely a D

=20

02.03.120

Charlie: It's fascinating, isn't it? Perhaps we should conduct some interviews and see if this madness is widespread, or if only a select few lunatics have been affected. [Beams] This will make a splendid addition to my research!

02.03.121

Miranda: [On the ground and screaming] Help me! Please! Oh God! The pain!

[DUR casts his spell, but nothing happens. MIRANDA continues to scream. A voice calls from the other end of the alley. It is JOE BIGG.]

Joe: Hey! There they are! Let's get them!


;;; Thank you!

02.03.122

Fred: Damnit, not you again! [Tries to snatch the needle from Dur and throw it at Joe]

;; Thanks everyone. Yeah, I'll try again, but it's in two years. I'll have time to get a degree in English in the meantime, so there's always a bright side!

02.03.123

[FRED grabs the tiny needle and fires it the length the alleyway, with it causing a "flip flip flip" sound closer to what one would expect from a huge dagger. Much to JOE's surprise it catches on the cuff of his shirt and pins him to the wall.]

Joe: What the? [Turns to someone out of view] Quick! They're here!

Alice: Holy crap! It's a dead end! What'll we do?

[A door further down the alley opens, and a man in a bathrobe looks out. This is STEVE TIN.]

Steve: Hey! You guys! Harvey! Charlie! [Waves them over] Quick! In here!


;;; Poor Valur, stuck with Queens View for at least another two years!

02.03.124

Harvey : [To the others] I don't know who that chap is, troop, but it can'tbe worse than those thugs bearing down on us! There is nothing we can do f= or the woman! Let us be away, troop! [Heads towards Steve]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.03.124

Charlie: [Trying not to appear puzzled] Ah, yes! Thanks, er, you! [To the party] Hurry, group!

02.03.125

[STEVE holds the door open while the rest of the party duck inside, under cover of the dumpster, and he slams the door once they're in. JOE arrives on the scene, wielding the needle.]

Joe: Hey! Where are they gone?

Miranda: Please! Please! Help me!

Joe: [Looks at her] Would you like a burger? This one is called Big Joe Bigg's Big Joe. [Fishes a delicious looking burger out of his pocket]

Miranda: I've just been stabbed in the eye.

Joe: Yeesh! It's all about you, isn't it?


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up.

02.04.001

[Book VII, Act II, Scene IV. A Dimly Lit Room. ALICE, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, along with STEVE TIN.]

Steve: Phew! I was afraid that you guys were dead! What the hell happened?

02.04.002

you probably wouldn't believe us?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.04.003

Steve: Try me! I'm really gullible!

02.04.004

Fred: We're trying to find out what we were doing the last two days and HARMA is chasing us. Actually, it is not that different to being hung over.

02.04.005

Steve: Cool, cool. Interesting. Two days, huh? Then you don't remember what happened to all my clothes then, I guess?

02.04.006

Harvey : Absolutely not! We woke up wearing robes, in the magic shoppe, with no memory of how or why we were there!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.007

Fred: You seem to have some memory, though. How is it that you know our names?

02.04.008

Steve: Because I met you all.

Alice: And what did happen to all your clothes?

Steve: You stole them.

Alice: [To the party] You know, it does *sound* like the kind of thing we'd do.

02.04.009

Harvey : Were you previously wearing robes?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.010

Charlie: Yes, and what do the robes indicate, if you would?

02.04.011

Steve: Uh, that I was about to have a shower? I was just wearing a t-shirt, and then you guys came in with that kid.

02.04.012

Harvey : All of us came in? For what purpose, do you know? Did we look likewe'd been in a scrap? And finally, where did we go after that?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.013

Steve: It's a funny story, actually. I thought you were a bunch of child molesters. [Laughs to himself, but then gets serious] Huh. That's not really funny at all, is it? You brought Rachel home, after [gives a nod to Harvey] the big guy stole all my t-shirts, of course. Any idea what happened to them?

02.04.014

Charlie: I'm afraid not, but perhaps if you could direct us to Rachel's home, we might find them?

02.04.015

Steve: Sure thing, Chuck. They live over on Bacteria Street. You uh, you do know that Rachel didn't turn up though, right?

02.04.016

Charlie: [Alarmed] We didn't see her all the way home? Has she been reported missing?

02.04.017

Steve: Yes, but with all that fall out from the Blackout, there are plenty of people missing, so there hasn't been much done yet. I must admit, I was a bit surprised she didn't turn up. And you say you don't remember what happened? Hm. Interesting.

02.04.018

done yet. I must=0A> admit, I was a bit surprised she didn't turn up. And you say you don't=0A> remember what happened? Hm. Interesting.=0A=0AClint: = And you have no desire to stand on a corner wearing a box full of spiders while stabbing yourself with a needle?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.04.019

Steve: [Horrified] Oh, God, no!

02.04.020

Harvey: Then sir, you seem to be in the minority. We have so far met burgerobsessed police officers, a man standing on a pole with said snakes and sp= iders, and a woman stabbing needles in her hand and a broken bottle in her eye! All in the name, apparently, of Clementine! Does the phrase, 'embrace = the fear' mean anything to you?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.021

, of Clementine! Does the phrase,=0A> 'embrace the fear' mean anything to you?=0A=0AClint: You sure the cop had anything to do with Clementine, Harv? = Maybe he's just insane?=0A=0A=0A

02.04.022

Last from Tom

Steve: Or maybe he makes really nice burgers? I haven't been out much since someone stole my pants, so I don't know a whole lot about people sticking needles in their eyes.

02.04.023

Harvey : Have you felt compelled to embrace your greatest fear?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.024

Steve: Oh, GOD no! What do you think I am? A pervert? Besides, where would I get that much honey?

02.04.025

Fred: Right. Let's not elaborate on that. No, really. [To the group] We should get to Bacteria Street, and hope we can dig up more leads, or rather stumble onto them as we are wont to do.

02.04.026

Alice: Good idea, Fred, but first, [to Steve] What's this Blackout everyone keeps talking about?

Steve: Huh, maybe it's related to you not remembering anything. Yesterday everyone lost consciousness like they did a few days ago, and everyone seems to have lost twenty minutes.

02.04.027

Charlie: How extraordinary! We all seem to have lost a great deal more than that. I wonder why?

02.04.028

Harvey : We must try to find this little girl! It appears we went to quite a risk to protect her, and we must find out why!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.029

Fred: Indeed. If Blackout-Fred has been taking risks without the promise or possibility of a reward, I shall be very cross.

02.04.030

Alice: [To Steve] When did the blackout actually happen?

Steve: On Friday. [Looks around] You do know what day it is, right?

Alice: Sure, the one that comes after Thursday.

Steve: No, what day it is today!


;;; I don't think the party do!

02.04.031

Harvey : [Scratches at a sideburn] Actually, come to think of it, I have noidea! [Stomach rumbles massively] But I do believe we've missed breakfast,= regardless of the day!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.032

Fred: I should have taken that policeman's burger... [Sighs heavily]

02.04.033

Charlie: [Dying of curiosity] Well, what day is it?!

02.04.034

=0A

02.04.035

Steve: Actually, it is! It's now Monday morning, 2AM.

02.04.036
02.04.037

Harvey : Monday, really! I do love a good monday! This however, is not one!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.037

Fred: Ah, curses. That means I missed the weekend!

02.04.038

Alice: Maybe we missed two weekends! I bet we missed two weekends, I just bet we missed two weekends. [To Steve] Did we miss two weekends?

Steve: No.

02.04.039

Charlie: Oh, no! Did we miss THREE weekends?!

02.04.041

Steve: No.

Alice: Maybe we missed four weekends! I bet we missed four weekends, I just bet we missed four weekends. [To Steve] Did we miss four weekends?

Steve: No, you only missed one.

Alice: [Triumphantly] I knew it!

02.04.042

ends. [To Steve] Did we miss four weekends?=0A> =0A> Steve: No, you only missed one.=0A> =0A> Alice: [Triumphantly] I knew it!=0A=0AClint: [Regards Al= ice.] Bimbo, I'm pretty sure you've missed *every* weekend!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.04.043

Alice: [Disappointed] Hey! Why didn't people tell me about them?

02.04.044

Harvey : Well, usually it's only people who have jobs care about them, dearest niece!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.045

Alice: Oh. [With some distaste] Oh! Ew! No wonder I keep missing them so!

02.04.046

Charlie: Well, then, let us be off to see what's happened to poor Rachel, then!

02.04.047

Steve: Uh, any chance of getting my clothes back?


;;; Colin's out today

Harvey: By the saints, sir, no! No, and thrice no! We are too busy!

[The party exit by the front door. It is about 2.15AM and the streets are fairly deserted.]

Alice: So, are we just going to turn up at these people's door in the middle of the night?

02.04.048

Charlie: Mmm, perhaps that would be rash. Let us look about for clues and peer into windows and such and try to assess the situation first.

02.04.049

Fred: So, are we just going to turn up at these people's windows in the middle of the night?

02.04.050

Alice: Oh please, Fred! Don't look so surprised. People do it to me all the time. All we need are some binoculars and a couple of trashy looking raincoats. Oh, and lots of tissues. I'm not sure what they're for, maybe it's easy to get a cold or something?

02.04.051

Fred: Well I say it is an unnecessary complication. Sure it is the middle of the night, but we have more important things to worry about than the sleep cycles of whoever. Namely, saving Rachel... if that is what we're doing, frankly I'm not sure.

02.04.052

Alice: So you want to skip the masturbation and go straight for the child saving? Pretty radical, but okay!

[The party head to the address provided by STEVE and, as they approach the house, which is slightly back off the road with a gate, they can see that there is a woman sitting outside, crying. She has her head in her hands, and doesn't seem to realise that the party are there.]

02.04.053

Dur: [Rolling his eyes, obviously not moved] And what's the matter with you?

02.04.054

[The woman, DARA, doesn't even look up.]

Dara: My baby! My baby!

02.04.054

Fred: You wouldn't be the mother of Rachel, who's been kidnapped? Because if so, you are shit out of luck, we haven't got a clue where she is. We came here for information.

02.04.055

ot a clue where=0A> she is. We came here for information.=0A=0AClint: Yeah,so what's happened to this baby of yours, and who is she?=0A=0A=0A=0A =

02.04.056

Dara: [Looks up, startled] Yes, my daughter's name is Rachel. Who are you? Did HARMA send you here to find her?

02.04.057

Charlie: I am Charlotte Parker-Kensington and these are my associates [gestures to the party] . We do not work for HARMA, but we should very much like to help you find Rachel. When did you last see her?

02.04.057

Fred: No. Actually they are putting effort into hampering us, if for no other reason than that they hate us.

02.04.058

Alice: [Looks from Fred to Charlie] Huh! You know, I thought we DID work for HARMA! So we don't? [Thinks] I suppose it makes a whole lot more sense that they're always trying to jail or kill us.

Dara: [Gives Charlie an exhausted look] You're another one of those devil worshippers, or whatever the hell they are.

[Time passes]

Dara: Oh, excuse me. [Goes again, with more inflection at the end of the question this time] You're another one of those devil worshippers, or whatever the hell they are?

02.04.059

makes a whole lot=0A> more sense that they're always trying to jail or killus.=0A> =0A> Dara: [Gives Charlie an exhausted look] You're another one of= those=0A> devil worshippers, or whatever the hell they are.=0A> =0A> [Time passes] =0A> =0A> Dara: Oh, excuse me. [Goes again, with m= ore inflection at the end of=0A> the question this time] You're another oneof those devil worshippers,=0A> or whatever the hell they are?=0A=0AClint:= You mean Clementines? Nah. Those people are nuts! We're just [strikes aheroic pose] heroes who saved the world, got a good TV deal, but [bitter n= ow] wound up having to save the world again. It doesn't pay as well as you'd think!=0A=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.04.060

Alice: [Gives a big smile] Huh! You know what? I thought [emphasis] we were nuts! This is just one weird day!

Dara: [Confused] TV deal? [Recognition dawns] Hey! Were you that guy on What the Hell is that Smell? That was a great show! [Tears up again] Rachel loved it.

02.04.061

Dara: [Confused] TV deal? [Recognition dawns] Hey! Were you that guy=0A> onWhat the Hell is that Smell? That was a great show! [Tears up=0A> again] R= achel loved it.=0A=0AClint: [Modestly.] Hey, it's always nice to meet a fan. Guys, we've got to save this Rachel kid!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.04.062

Dara: Who are you? What do you know about Rachel?

02.04.063

Charlie: I am Charlotte Parker-Kensington, and these are my associates. I'm afraid we do not remember much, just that we were trying to help her home on Friday and we have heard she never arrived. Of course, we are most concerned.

02.04.064

Dara: That was you? Huh. Herez told me that a group of you got involved, but that you came back to his bar without her, in a fairly agitated state. Did something happen to her while she was with you?

### Herez is the barman who told the party that they helped him out with Rachel. ### What Dara says echoes what he told them, that is, that they were there ### twice. Once when they helped him, and once when they came back ### looking for the devil worshippers

02.04.065

Fred: Well that's what we are trying to find out, although it seems likely that some horror has befallen her.

02.04.066

Harvey : Indeed so, I am most concerned for her welfare!

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02.04.067

Dur: [Trying to keep the woman calm] Come now everyone. I am sure the girl is at least alive. For example, if she is to be the virgin sacrifice in a d= emonic ritual, then she has to be kept alive! Right?

02.04.068

Alice: Unless she wasn't a virgin. [To Dara] Was she a virgin?

Dara: She's only twelve!

Alice: Yes, but was she a virgin?

Dara: [To the party] So, you're concerned for her welfare, but the last people to be seen with her are you lot?

02.04.069

Harvey : That would seem so, but only from information received by third parties. We ourselves have no memory of the events! [Scratches at a sideburn] = Tell me this my dear, do you know what she wished for the most? Or feared the most?

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02.04.070

Dara: Well, I suppose her dearest wish was for a pony. And her worst fear? I don't know, maybe something to do with rats?

02.04.071

Charlie: She sounds like a sensible girl. I am certain we will find her. Could you tell us anything you remember about the last time you saw her?

02.04.072

Fred: And remember that even the tiniest little detail may help our investigation.

02.04.073

Dara: I do know that there was a tiny loose thread on one of her socks.

[Time passes.]

Alice: Maybe not quite THAT tiny!

Dara: She was over at the playground on Myalgia Street, she had baked some cookies for her friends. She loves doing things for other people, she really is the nicest and most innocent girl you could meet. Some of the other kids said that some men in red robes tried to grab her, but they all intervened, and she ran to the Fairly Awful Relaxing Tavern. They went in after her and, although Herez tried to stop them, they took her. That's when you arrived.

02.04.074

lice: Maybe not quite THAT tiny!=0A> =0A> Dara: She was over at the playground on Myalgia Street, she had baked=0A> some cookies for her friends. She = loves doing things for other people,=0A> she really is the nicest and most innocent girl you could meet. Some=0A> of the other kids said that some men= in red robes tried to grab her,=0A> but they all intervened, and she ran to the Fairly Awful Relaxing=0A> Tavern. They went in after her and, althoug= h Herez tried to stop them,=0A> they took her. That's when you arrived.=0A=0AClint: And then we kicked ass? I bet we kicked ass!=0A=0A=0A;;; Loooooo= ong weekend, just woke up. Yay Monday!=0A=0A=0A

02.04.075

Dara: You kicked her ass? What? Why? Why would you do that? [Hits Clint with her handbag]

02.04.076

Fred: I think he means "kicked ass" as a metaphor for "being awesome", and not subjecting Rachel to violence, as that would seem to be contradictory to our current mission of rescuing her. Unless, of course, Clint is remembering something we don't... [Looks suspiciously at Clint]

02.04.077

Harvey : I also believe he meant that we kicked the asses of those robe wearing ne'er do wells, my dear!

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02.04.078

ods.] Harv's right. And Fred's right. Who knows what we did to Rachel?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.04.079

Dara: [Appalled] You must have done something! You were seen leaving the bar and heading in this direction, and she hasn't been seen since! You must know where else you went! I'm calling the police!

[DARA runs inside.]

02.04.080

Charlie: [Tries to rush after Dara] No, wait! Why would we come to you if we had done something dreadful to the child?! We wish to help.

02.04.081

Harvey : Indeed so, my dear! We are here to find her! And to find out what happened to her! And to find out what happened to us!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.082

Dara: [With Charlie and Harvey between her and the door] Then why don't you retrace your steps? She's not here, so you must have done something to her on the way. [Points up the street] The bar is back that way, turn left at the church. Now please, step aside!

02.04.083

Fred: We already went to the bar, but it's as good a clue as any. [Shrugs]

;; And that's all for me today. I'll be travelling until dinner-time.

02.04.084

Harvey : Agreed. [To Dara] Did Rachel keep a diary, by any chance? Perhaps she has a location she goes to when she needs to hide?

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02.04.085

Dara: Back off, sir, and let me pass. You will not get any access to her personal possessions, you damned pervert! I said good day sir!

02.04.086

Harvey : [Steps away and bows curtly to Dara] I am no pervert, I am merely trying to help. We shall find young Rachel.

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02.04.087

Dur: We can't help those who don't want to be helped colonel. Why do you think I haven't taken a bath in over 10 years?

02.04.088

Harvey : Honestly? I thought it was your fear of disolving if immersed in water, private!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.04.088

Charlie: [To Clint] That explains Dur, but what are YOUR reasons for forsaking bathing?

02.04.089

Dur: [Panics, looking about fearfully] Water?! Where?!

02.04.090

Dara: No! You cannot look at Rachel's water wear! Pervert!

[Storms into the house and slams the door after her.]

02.04.091

Dur: [Shaking his head at the now closed door] What a strange woman. Well group, best be off I'd say, before the Police get here... [mumbles] as usual=

02.04.092

Alice: Good idea, Dur!

[Exit ALL, heading back towards the church. A few minutes later, DARA flings the door open.]

Dara: I said "Good D-" Hey! Where are they gone? How rude!


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

02.05.001

[Book VII, Act II, Scene V. The Church. ALICE, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, walking towards the bar, when ALICE stops dead in her tracks.]

Alice: Hey! Does anyone else think this church looks familiar?

02.05.002

Dur: [Stops to inspect the church from as many angles as he can. Finally hestops after looking at it upside down between his legs] Nope, no idea. Tho= ugh I do remember something about a graveyard... Could have been me searching for my next meal though.

02.05.003

Last from Kevin

Alice: Or maybe your last one! I don't know, but there's something awfully familiar to me.

02.05.004

Alice: If you don't recognize it, it almost certainly is important!

02.05.004

recognize it, so it can't be that important.=0A=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.05.005

Harvey : Nor I, dearest niece! There is nothing familiar about this church.However, it may be prudent to investigate, as our route may have brought u= s here previously, what.

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02.05.005

Harvey : I trust your intuition, dear niece. Let us check this church!

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02.05.006

[The party go through the gates and walk up to the church, spotting that there is a large graveyard to one side. The door to the church, however, is locked.]

Alice: I guess God's not at home.

02.05.007

Harvey : [Hammers on the door] Is anyone here?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.05.008

Charlie: [Looks at the graveyard and frowns] Does anyone else recall visiting a graveyard recently? I seem to remember--something?

02.05.009

Harvey : Check your notebook. You seem to write every minute detail into it, so perhaps the events of the last few days are fully documented!

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.05.009

Fred: [Frowns towards the graveyard] I remember nothing. Maybe we should explore, if no-one answers the door.

02.05.010

Dur: I seem to remember something about a graveyard as well... Perhaps it warrants a better look [Dur takes a few steps in that direction.... Stomach = grumbling.]

02.05.011

Alice: Harvey, we don't even have any of our stuff, so if she did write it down, it's lost!

[The party head towards the graveyard, and, for no apparent reason, all head towards an open grave. The name on the headstone is HERBERT WEST, with a date of death of 798, which is five hundred years in the past. There is a mount of earth beside the grave.]

Alice: Hey! Look! There's our stuff! [Points to the far side of the mound of earth, where all the party's backpacks are]

02.05.012

Charlie: [Cautiously approaches her backpack] Oh, dear! I do hope we did not commit a grave robbery!

02.05.013

Harvey : [Loudly] Indeed! For that would be a ... [his face goes red and his entire body begins shaking, tears steaming from his eyes] ... very grave = offence! [Laughs long, loud and very much alone]

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.05.014

Alice: [Checking her backpack] All my stuff seems to be here. Why would we rob a grave that was last used five hundred years ago?

02.05.015

Fred: [Checking his backpack for anything new] Come on Amnesia-Fred, give me something good...

02.05.016

Dur: [Rummaging through his pack] I could have sworn I left a samwich in here...

02.05.017

Alice: Oh please! Like you ever had a sandwich!

[Everyone seems to have all their equipment, with no extra surprises.]

02.05.018

Harvey : [Wiping tears from his eyes, hefts his backpack onto his back. To Charlie] So cadet, are there any entries in your notebook for the previous = few days?

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02.05.019

Charlie: [Digs into her bag and retrieves her notepad] Wonderful! Now we'll have some answers! [Eagerly flips through the notebook, then deflates] No, I spoke too soon. There's nothing in here we don't already seem to remember.

02.05.020

Alice: There are shovels and things here too. Did we dig this up?

02.05.021

Harvey : The evidence would seem to suggest so. That or we disturbed whoever was digging Mr West up. Does the name ring a bell with anyone? Herbert We= st?

Version 1 Software Ltd, T/A Version 1, is a limited company registered in Ireland Registered Office: Jervis House, Jervis Street, Dublin 1, Ireland Belfast Office: The Mount Business Centre, 2 Woodstock Link, Belfast BT6 8DD Tel NI: +44 28 90 730156 Registration No: 257302

02.05.022

Alice: Never heard of him! [Looks in] He was hardly still there after 500 years, was he? What with all the maggots and worms and all?

02.05.023

Fred: Well, there has to be some sort of clue here. [Climbs down into the grave to look around.]

02.05.024

Alice: [Lights a torch and follows Fred in] If there was something here, it's gone now- hey! Look! There's a passageway here, leading under the church!

02.05.025

Harvey : Aha! No doubt a clue! Are there any footprints on the floor, dearest niece? And if so, in which direction are they going?

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02.05.026

Last from Colin

Alice: Hard to say, I guess they could be both directions.

02.05.027

Charlie: Do they match our shoes, I wonder? [Examines the footprints more closely]

02.05.028

Last from heather

[They do!]

Alice: Holy crap! This can mean only one thing, someone took our shoes and came down here!

02.05.029

Fred: Oh damnit! And I thought we were about to find out what we did yesterday...

02.05.030

Dur: I think a more reasonable explanation is that we ourselves have been down here before.=20

02.05.031

Harvey : I think you might be right, private. Even a 500 year old zombie would be pretty hard up to wear a pair of your shoes!

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02.05.032

Alice: Maybe he took the zombie's shoes?

[The party get to a large shimmering wall. It is opaque, but there is definitely a room behind it.]

02.05.033

Harvey : [Scratches at a sideburn] Troop, I've got something running through my head these last few minutes. Does the phrase 'Ab eSistema Lamp ose' me= an anthing? Or something quite like that. 'Ab exsistoma Lemp se', perhaps!

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02.05.034

[There is a flash of light, and the party suddenly appear in another cave.]

Alice: Wow! That was cool. [Looks around] Hey look!

[ALICE points at an altar, on top of which lies the body of a young girl, who's throat has been cut. There is blood all over the altar, and she has clearly been dead a few days.]


;;; And there we will take a break, until April 14. Have a good Easter everyone!

02.05.035

Alice: Oh, crap. It looks like we were too late! [Thinks for a moment] Huh, but she was with us. Hm. Is it Rachel?


;;; Please note the new address for Colin, that's the dinancolin... one

02.05.036

Harvey : The poor little creature! What a miserable end she met! As for heridentity, dear niece, I think it's safe to assume that this is indeed, Rac= hel.


;;; Looks like I involunarily became a spokesman for cheap meds over the weekend after my account was

;;; hacked - apologies all for the email. But, at least you know where to come to if you require a little...lift.

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02.05.037

Charlie: [Horrified] We must have known she was at risk for this terrible fate, and we failed to protect her from her dreadful role in some sacrificial ritual! Perhaps this is what brought on our memory loss?

02.05.038

Last from heather 37

Alice: But what about everyone else's memory loss? I know ours was longer, but everyone else does seem to be affected too.

02.05.039

Harvey : [Takes his jacket off and covers the body] Perhaps her murder triggered the whole event? We may have been closer to the epicentre, which is w= hy our memory loss lasted longer. The further away, the weaker the effect?

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02.05.040

Charlie: [Looks ill] But that would mean that witnessed this horrible event? Or perhaps were close to preventing it. How dreadful. . . .

02.05.041

Harvey : Indeed! And why did I know that phrase which got us through the barrier?

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02.05.042

Fred: Are we entirely sure that we didn't do this ourselves?

02.05.043

Dur: Why don't we ask her? [Pokes at the jacket covered corpse]

02.05.044

Alice: Because she's dead?

02.05.045

Dur: [Shrugs carelessly and rolls up his sleeves] I believe she is only MOSTLY dead... [Dur tries to cast 'Speak to Dead' on the corpse.]

02.05.046

[The whole chamber starts to shake, and the party are deafened by the sound of hundreds of voices shouting and screaming. One is louder than the rest, and is that of a young girl, albeit distorted. ]

Voice: What is it?

02.05.047

Harvey : I say, that's just damned creepy! [Loudly] Are you Rachel? And if so, what happened to you?

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02.05.048

Voice: [Barely audible over the other voices] Yes! I was murdered! Sacrificed! By someone I trusted.

02.05.049

Charlie: Who was this barbarian?! We could not save you, but we will seek justice for this horrible crime!

02.05.050

Alice: Yes! Who was it? Who murdered you?

[RACHEL answers, but the can't be heard over the other voices. Suddenly her body sits bolt upright and points directly at HARVEY.]

Rachel: Harvey murdered me.

[The shouting voices stop abruptly, and RACHEL slumps to the floor.]

02.05.051

Charlie: [Looks at Harvey, aghast] Colonel?! Surely this cannot be?

02.05.052

Alice: Maybe she meant a different Harvey?

[All the voices start up again, and RACHEL sits bolt upright.]

Rachel: No, it's this one.

[Once again, she falls over and the voices stop.]

02.05.053

Dur: [Rubbing his chin thoughtfully] So we saved her just to sacrifice her?That doesn't make much sense.

02.05.054

Harvey : [Visibly upset] By the saints, I never heard the like! Why would Imurder this child? Why?

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02.05.055

why would Harvey murder you? Why? [Thinking hard.] Maybe you were being controlled by someone? Or maybe it was just someone who looked like you? = Or maybe it was supposed to be for the greater good somehow?=0A =0A=0A=0A

02.05.056

Alice: That has to be it! Although, Herez did say that when we got back to the bar, Harvey wasn't with us, and Harvey is the one who knew the incantation to get in here!

02.05.057

Harvey : But troop! What possible event where I end up taking an innocent childs life could be for the greater good! [Looks at his hands in disgust]

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02.05.058

! [Looks at his hands in disgust] =0A=0AClint: Maybe she was an eeeeeeevil child?=0A=0A=0A

02.05.059

Fred: Well, she does look like a bit of a brat. But still, she's a child, Colonel. That's cold, even by my standards.

02.05.060

Alice: [Steps in front of Harvey] Hey! If Harvey killed her, he either had a good reason or she was evil. And, well, how is it that only he remembers the magic words to get in here, I'm not sure, but we need to find out what happened to him.

02.05.061

s the magic words to get in here, I'm not sure, but we need to find out what happened to him.

Dur: That's odd. [Dur looks deep in though] I wasn't aware you had any standards Fred. Regardless, maybe it was the Colonel that was possessed? After = all, he was the only one of us missing after we found the girl... [Dur tries to cast detect evil http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Detect_Evil]

02.05.062

[Everyone peers at HARVEY, but nothing happens.]

Alice: What does that mean?

02.05.063

Dur: [Looks thoughtful] Absolutely nothing. [Dur takes a look around the room looking for any clues] It means Harvey is not evil, though there are cer= tainly more than a few ways to interpret that. [Dur also tries to cast a Detect Magic Spell] .

02.05.064

ertainly more than a few ways to interpret that. [Dur also tries to >cast aDetect Magic Spell] .

Harvey : Well, I complain about children as much as the next man! Their illmanners! Their smell! Their noise levels! Their constant attention seeking= ! Their cheese and onion flavoured smelly crisps breath. Their weeping! Their wailing! Their manipulating! Their constant bickering and moaning and sn= ivelling! Their demands for presents if you haven't seen them in more than two days! Their cursed baby seats in the back of a carriage! Their running = up and down the ailses in super markets, as feral as a pack of wild dogs! But I certainly wouldn't have contemplated doing something like that to poor= Rachel! Never in my right mind!

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02.05.064

Fred: There just has to be some kind of clue around here. [Moves around searching the area for anything interesting.]

02.05.065

s! Their constant attention seeking! Their cheese and=0A> onion flavoured smelly crisps breath. Their weeping! Their=0A> wailing! Their manipulating! = Their constant bickering and=0A> moaning and snivelling! Their demands for presents if you=0A> haven't seen them in more than two days! Their cursed b= aby=0A> seats in the back of a carriage! Their running up and down=0A> the ailses in super markets, as feral as a pack of wild=0A> dogs! But I certain= ly wouldn't have contemplated doing=0A> something like that to poor Rachel!Never in my right mind!=0A=0AClint: [Regards Harvey.] Yeah, I can see that= . So why wouldn't ol' Harv have been in his right mind? Alzheimer's?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.05.066

Fred: Rampant mid-life crisis?

02.05.067

Harvey : I meant possession! By the saints, possession!

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02.05.068

Charlie: Well, I have said all along that the Colonel is well-past his prime and ought to have been given his retirement years ago, but nothing in our files would suggest that he is capable of murdering a child. Perhaps Dur got the spell wrong?

02.05.069

Alice: It does seem highly likely! That said, the evidence does seem to point towards it.

02.05.070

Harvey : I agree with you dear niece! The evidence is mounting quickly against me. This is an abysmal turn of events!

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02.05.071

Alice: If you did do it, then we need to figure out why, or at the very least, who made you do it.

02.05.072

Fred: Maybe we should have asked Rachel about that. Maybe you can try to talk to her again, Dur? I mean, it's not like she has anything better to do.

02.05.073


;;; I'll do a quick Dur post, apologies Kevin!

Dur: I'll try, but the spell has probably faded. [To Rachel] Why did Harvey kill you?

[Silence.]

Dur: Why did-

[All the voices start up again, shouting loudly, and RACHEL'S voice is amongst them, barely audible.]

Rachel: I don't know, something happened to him when we met those crazies at the well.

[Another voice booms out, much louder than the rest.]

Voice: Enough! Be gone!

[RACHEL's body explodes, showering the party.]

02.05.074

Charlie: [Revolted, picking bits of Rachel off of her] That appears to be all we will be hearing from poor Rachel! Perhaps we should make our way to the well?

02.05.075

Alice: Good idea, Charlie. [Thinks for a moment] Where's the well?

02.05.076

Charlie: I'm sure I don't know, but we must find it! Let us first examine this area for any additional clues, and then try to locate a nearby well!

02.05.077

[The party conduct a thorough search, and find the skeletons of what appear to be other children, although clearly dead for a long time. There are many runes carved into the walls, but none of them look familiar. The final item they find seems to be the remains of a broken orange orb.]

02.05.078

Charlie: [Furiously jotting down notes as she walks around] How many children have been sacrificed here, I wonder?! What a dreadful place! [Stoops to examine the orb]

02.05.079

Fred: [Trying to wipe Rachel off his clothes] I don't suppose that is the Orb of Generomentis?

02.05.080

Alice: [Peers at it too] Or the remains of one!

02.05.081

Dur: [Dapping a finger in the bits of Rachel from his clothes and tastes it] Could use just a pinch of salt. [Dur then examines the remains of the orb= thoughtfully] I wonder... [Dur tries to cast 'Make Whole' on the orb: http://www.dandwiki.com/wiki/SRD:Make_Whole]

02.05.081

Harvey : So, we now know for sure that someones thoughts or fears have beengiven corporeal form!

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02.05.082

Alice: But what would someone want to give corporeal form to? Let's face it, it's probably a safe bet that Jerome or Clementine are involved, so why would they do this?

02.05.083

[The orb almost immediately reassembles itself.]

Alice: [Applauds] Yay! Let's break it and do it again!

02.05.084

Harvey : But what if it isn't an orb of Geronimo? What if it's an orb of possession, which causes me to commit another murder!

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02.05.085

Alice: Then we better break it!

02.05.086

Dur: Bah! That's your answer to EVERYTHING! [Dur holds the orb up] Besides,I'm not sure if it has any magic left in it. [Dur tucks the orb into his p= ack] Maybe it will come in handy though.

02.05.086

Charlie: Don't be absurd! We shouldn't break it until we're certain of the effect.

02.05.087

Alice: It's not my answer if someone asks if I'd like a piece of cake!

02.05.088

il orb that made Harv do bad things, right? Why take chances? Next thing you know, it might make Charlie here do a strip tease, and then we'd *all* = be suffering!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.05.089

Alice: We don't yet know if it did, though, all we know is that we came looking for one to the magic shop, and that someone had already stolen a whole bunch.

02.05.090

eone had already=0A> stolen a whole bunch.=0A=0AClint: Yeah, but what else could it be for? I mean, shattered orbs found with the bones of kids... it= 's some kind of freaky black magic or something, right?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.05.091

Alice: The geek at the magic shop said it was for giving something corporeal form. Maybe it's freaky, and maybe it's not. I suppose it depends on what kind of mind you have. [Looks Clint up and down] Yeah, in your case it would be freaky.

02.05.092

Harvey : Well, I think it certainly took a freakish mind to cause all of this!

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02.05.093

Lastly from Colin #92=0A=0A> Harvey : Well, I think it certainly took a freakish mind to=0A> cause all of this!=0A=0AClint: [Quickly and a little defe= nsively.] Hey, I swear it wasn't me!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.05.094

Dur: Lets hold on to the damn thing for now, maybe it will come in useful somewhere down the line. The question we should be asking now, is where we g= o from here?

=20

02.05.095

Fred: Maybe we should go back to Rachel's mother and inform her of her daughters death and that we cannot produce a body because she exploded into a million pieces? Hmm, on second thought I rather think that would result in a frustrating misunderstanding and us running from the HARMA yet again...

02.05.096

Alice: [Looks around at the party] Well?

02.05.097

Dur: Now its just a matter of piecing everything together so that we know who to go after next. [Looks expectantly at Charlie]

02.05.098

Last from Kevin 97

Alice: No, let's go to the well!

02.05.099

Dur: Then lead the way!

02.05.100

Alice: Right! [Turns and heads back the way the party came, but soon stops] Huh, where is it?

02.05.101

Fred: That, Alice, would be the crux of our problem.

02.05.102


;;; Heather's out today

Charlie: Maybe not. If one considers the fact that the last evidence we have of Rachel being alive and well came from Herez, back at that bar, and if one further supposes that the Colonel was in some way being controlled, it is reasonable to hypothesize that something happened to him between the bar and here. If, as has been suggested, this happened at a well, then it is a reasonable conjecture that the well is between here and the bar. If I had access to a map we could calculate the Cartesian distance between here and the bar, and correlate that with the availability of connecting streets. It's a simple graph drawing problem, really, where the streets are edges and any intersection a node. However, in the absence of a map and the availability of Cartesian co-ordinates, I suggest we follow the scent of puke and urine, taking the shortest path.

02.05.103

Harvey : My dear, that will be impossible due to the proximity of private Scar. We will just end up following him around until the end of days!

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02.05.104

Charlie: [Gives a shiver] Perhaps, Colonel, but in the absence of any other possibilities, we should try, particularly as we know the general direction of the bar.

02.05.105

Harvey : Then let us be off to find the well! And answers!

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02.05.106

[Exit ALL.]


;;; End of scene, next one coming up

02.06.001

[Book VII. Act II. Scene VI. The Well. ALICE, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, FRED and HARVEY are here, having walked a short distance from the graveyard in the direction of the church. They have come across a well at the top of the street. Crawling away from it, towards the party is PEARSE MEERCE, who's face is covered in blood.]

Pearse: Please! Help me!

02.06.002

Fred: Grah! So what's your trick? [Pulls Pearse up by the scruff of his neck] You have a fear of face covered in blood? Are you going to call HARMA?! Go on! Make my day!

02.06.003

Dur: [Sighs] You know... Just once I would like to go some where that terror and mayham weren't waiting to meet us!

02.06.004

Alice: That's not fair, Dur. Sometimes terror and mayhem are chasing us!

Pearse: Please! Don't hurt me! Those nails in my face were just put in!

02.06.005

Dur: And who put them there?

02.06.006

Pearse: I did!

02.06.007

Dur: Another one of them! [Pulls out his doctor's bag from his recently aquired pack and extracts a rusty hammer perfect for extracting nails] Why did= you do this?

02.06.008

Fred: I suppose you have a fear of nails in your face?

02.06.009

Pearse: Well, that and kittens, but I couldn't find any. I did it to try to appease Clementine, she is very, very angry. [Spots Harvey] Because of you!

Harvey: By the saints! What did I do?

Pearse: I don't know, but whatever it was, it was wrong!

02.06.010

Fred: Oh come on. He just sacrificed some little brat to no-doubt nefarious ends, but that sort of stuff must happen all the time! Why the big backlash for this?

02.06.011

l the time! Why=0A> the big backlash for this?=0A=0AClint: Probably becausewe're involved. Hang out with us, Fred, and you'll learn that angry mobs = are but a pitchfork away!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.06.012

Pearse: Because it failed, that's why!

02.06.013

=0A=0A

02.06.014

Pearse: It was supposed to make Clementine corporeal!

02.06.014

Fred: You know, that might actually be worth a child sacrifice.

02.06.015

Dur: And it didn't? What happened?

02.06.016

Pearse: It didn't make her corporeal.

02.06.017

Dur: [Looks sharply at Pearse as though he might like to drive a few more nails into the mans face] Obviously. Do you know what went wrong?

02.06.018

Pearse: It made someone, or something else, corporeal. Something so horrific that Clementine blacked out the memories of the entire Realms so that they would never find it.

02.06.019

Dur: [Bends to try to start prying nails from the man's face as painfully as possible so that he can cast a healing spell] How do you know all this an= d what were you doing at the well?

02.06.020

Pearse: [Screams] Ow! Let go! I'm a Fear Giver, we're the one true worshipers of Clementine. It came to us in a dream that we needed to sacrifice our pain last night. Surely you remember when you met us? [To Harvey] And surely you do?

Harvey: Certainly not, Chappie!

Pearse: Well, where do you think all the t-shirts came from?

[There are quite a few blood stained t-shirts lying around.]


;;; Steve Tin claimed that Harvey stole all his clothes, and that the

party were with him at the time

02.06.021

that we needed to=0A> sacrifice our pain last night. Surely you remember when you met us?=0A> [To Harvey] And surely you do?=0A> =0A> Harvey: Certainl= y not, Chappie!=0A> =0A> Pearse: Well, where do you think all the t-shirts came from?=0A> =0A> [There are quite a few blood stained t-shi= rts lying around.] =0A=0AClint: Not hardly! We were somewhere else at the time! Anyway, do we seem like the kinds of people who would associate with = a "Fear Giver"? [Looks askance at some of the more degenerate members of the party.] Scratch that question!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.06.022

Alice: I thought we were fear givers? Scaring people every where we go?

Pearse: Cowards! A true Fear Giver gives of themself!

02.06.023

Charlie: [To Pearse] Do be quiet! We are trying to think. [To the party] Why would Clementine wish to keep the results of the sacrifice a secret? Is she protecting the thing that was made corporeal? Perhaps that was her aim all along, to bring forth this--creature? Ally?

02.06.024

Pearse: You must be joking! Jerome came to us in a vision and he was enraged at our failure. The orbs were to bring forth the thing he wanted the most, but, instead of Clementine, it is something that is so awful it must be blotted out of everyone's memory. [Coughs up a nail with a chunk of blood and throat] Uh... I don't feel so good.

02.06.025

Charlie: [To Pearse, wrinkling her nose] Yes, I can't imagine what ails you. [To the party] Let us continue on to the well!

02.06.026

Pearse: It's partly the two dozen nails I hammered into my face, but the massive stab wound [shows that he has an enormous wound in the stomach] is pretty painful too. If you know what's good for you, keep away from the well. Remember what happened the last time!

Alice: [To the party] I wish we did!

02.06.027

Fred: Indeed. Well, only one way to refresh our memories! [Walks towards the well.]

02.06.028

[The party head towards the well, and soon come face to face with LEVITICUS, who is holding a tiny, adorable kitten, PRINCESS, in one hand, and a blood stained sword in the other. He gives the party a smile.]

Leviticus: So. The child killers are still at large? Outrageous.

Pearse: [Looks back at Princess and screams] No! Please!

02.06.029

Fred: [Points at Harvey] Just child-killer. Singular.

02.06.030

Leviticus: Tut, tut, tut. Why would he do such a thing? [Looks at Princess] Why, Princess? Why? [Puts on a squeaky voice] I don't know! [Back to normal] Isn't she just the cutest?

02.06.031

Charlie: [Leans in to get a closer look at Princess] Oooooh, yes, she is! What a dear little thing! [Reaches to pet Princess eagerly]

02.06.032

[CHARLIE strokes PRINCESS, who purrs loudly.]

Leviticus: She likes when you scratch under her chin.

Pearse: Please! For the love of God! Stop him! Look at what he's doing!

Alice: But she's so cuuuute! [Joins Charlie] Aw! Look at her eyebrows!

02.06.033

Harvey : Well fellow [to Pearse] , looks like you've found your kitten!

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02.06.034

Pearse: [Crawling away] No! No! You must find what has so terrified Jerome! It's in the-

[LEVITICUS throws his sword at PEARSE, and it goes right through his throat, killing him.]

Leviticus: That's okay, Princess. Levi has killed the bad man.

02.06.035

Harvey : [To Leviticus] I say, you could have waited for him to finish his sentance! It's in the...what? [To Dur] Perhaps you could do your thing with= dead people again?

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02.06.035

Fred: Actually, I think that was for the best. For his own sake, too. Poor man.

02.06.036

Leviticus: [Nods] Princess is a very, very scary kitten. Anyway, if Clementine doesn't want anyone to know what was created or where it happened, I'm sure there's a good reason for it.

02.06.037

Charlie: [To Leviticus] Perhaps you prefer ignorance, but we seek answers! Now, give that sweet kitten to me and step away from the corpse at once.

02.06.038

Harvey : Indeed, I would rather know my enemy!

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02.06.039

Leviticus: I know my Goddess, and that's all that matters. [To Charlie] Princess stays with me.

02.06.040


;;; Yes, about twenty feet away from Leviticus

02.06.041

Dur: It's a shame that you did that demon. You would have thought that Clementine would have wanted our help... [Dur tries to walk over to the well. I= f he makes it, he will pull out the mended orb and hold it over the well.] I suppose there is no sense in holding on to useless trinkets any longer.

02.06.042

Leviticus: I suppose not.

[Enter ORLYA?, a woman with blue hair, unnaturally blue eyes, and a super skin tight outfit.]

Orlya?: [Appearing from behind the well] What do you think you are doing, mortal?

02.06.043

Harvey : [To Orlya?] Who are you speaking to, exactly?

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02.06.043

Charlie: [To Orlya] Greetings! I am Charlotte Parker-Kensington, and these are my associates. We are visiting this lovely well on a picnic of sorts. And who might you be?

02.06.044

Orlya?: [Staring off into space, before turning and looking at Harvey, apparently staring passed him] To the one holding the orb above the well. [Holds her look for a few seconds before turning towards Charlie, once again staring passed her] Picnic? I am not familiar with that. I am Goddess Orlya?

Alice: Oh, really?

Orlya?: No, Orlya?.

02.06.045

Fred: Well could you shed some light on this matter? [Exaggerates the questioning tone at the end]

02.06.046

Dur: Well I WAS trying to threaten a demon, before I was interrupted of course...

02.06.047

Orlya?: On what matter? [Does her thousand yard stare at Dur] A demon? What demon? Show me and I will crush him like an ant.

02.06.048

Fred: On the matter of why we don't remember last night and what drove us to do the strange things we did then. Like sacrificing a little girl for Clementine. That's just not our normal behaviour.

02.06.049

Dur: [Looks slightly unsure of himself when he looks to Leviticus] You're ademon right?

02.06.050

[LEVITICUS is gone.]

Alice: Hey! Where'd he go?

02.06.051

Harvey : Perhaps he fell down the well?

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02.06.052

Alice: I don't think so, we were between him and the well!

Orlya?: Perhaps I vaporized him with the power of my mind?

02.06.053

Harvey : Or perhaps he was eaten by his evil cat, Orlya??

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02.06.054

Charlie: That kitten was NOT evil!

02.06.055

Alice: She was the cutest kitten ever!

Orlya?: [Moving around slowly, repeatedly staring into space] But now she has been vaporized, along with her evil master.

02.06.056

Charlie: [Horrified] Why would you do that? [Gasps] Wait, you are the thing Clementine does not want us to know exists!

02.06.057

Orlya?: Who is this Clementine of which you speak? Why should I care if she fears me? Millions fear me. Worlds tremble at my very name.

02.06.058

Charlie: May I ask, why are you here?

02.06.059

Orlya?: You dare to ask me to explain myself? Me? The Destroyer of Worlds? Who's very name is a scourge in countless dimensions? Who could crush you like an ant?

02.06.060

Harvey : Well we've never heard of you. And how does a name ending in a question instill fear? Surely, it would just instill, a question?

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02.06.061

Orlya?: How dare you! You impudent piece of dirt!

Alice: Look, Orlya, he didn't mean anything by it.

Orlya?: [Gasps] Another insult! If you have to use my name, at least say it properly.

Alice: Orlya?

Orlya?: No, it's Orlya?.

Alice: Isn't that what I said?

Orlya?: No, you said Orlya.

Alice: I didn't, I said Orlya?

Orlya?: If you use it as a question it should be Orlya?? Unless you're Panish, in which case it is =BFOrlya??

Alice: [To the party] I'm confused.

Orlya?: Your confusion is an affront to me. I should crush you like a bug.

02.06.062

Fred: Now now. If you are what Clementine doesn't want us to know exists, we are reasonably certain it is due to us that you do exist. You should be thankful, not... er, crush...ful...

02.06.063

Orlya?: Even if that is true, I feel no more gratitude to you than a child would to the person who cleans the floor in the hospital where they were born. Do not believe that you may tell me what I should and should not feel, for I can crush you like a bug.

[Enter LEVITICUS, still carrying PRINCESS.]

Leviticus: Er, sorry, I forgot my sword. [Picks his sword up from Pearce's neck and walks off.]

02.06.064

Fred: Hey there's a demon! You can release your need for bug-crushing on him!

02.06.065

Orlya?: Do not presume to think that you can tell me, the Destroyer of Worlds, what to do, for I will crush you like a bug.

02.06.066

Harvey : What's your issue with bugs, Orlya?...? And secondly, what worlds exactly have you destroyed? A random anthive, perhaps? No doubt with a kett= le of boiling water!

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02.06.067

Orlya?: Do not test my patience, mortal! I have destroyed many worlds, worlds that your puny imagination cannot even conceive of, worlds with bugs the size of elephants, that I crushed like bugs. Do not speak to me again, low one, unless it is to worship me. Obey me, or I will crush you like a bug!

02.06.068

Charlie: [To the party] I think perhaps this creature is merely mad, and no threat to us. Let us ignore her and examine the well more closely. [Peers into the well cautiously]

02.06.069

Orlya?: Do not ignore me! I can crush you like bugs!

[Everyone ignores ORLYA? and look over the edge. There are dozens of bodies in there, oozing blood, but all completely still and silent.]

Alice: Ew! Who's going to want to drink that water now? [Turns to Dur expectantly]

02.06.070

Dur: Why, what's wrong with the water?

02.06.071

Fred: [To Harvey] Did you do this, too? Good work.

02.06.072

Orlya?: They did it themselves. They stabbed themselves, they poisoned themselves, they ate broken glass, and they threw themselves in the well. Perhaps it was because they feared my wrath.

02.06.073

Charlie: Or perhaps they feared you would never cease talking!

02.06.074

Orlya?: But they did fear me.

02.06.075

gh. sorry all?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.06.076

Alice: Whatever she's on, she's already taken it all! How are we going to figure out where the thing that everyone has forgotten about is?

02.06.077

forgotten about is?=0A=0AClint: Easy! Just figure out where it was when everyone forgot about it and look there!=0A=0A=0A;;; Did anyone else get this = all the time as a kid? =0A;;; "Oh, just look where you last put it," as ifthat's gonna help. Meh.=0A=0A=0A

02.06.078

Alice: Great idea, Stinky, but how do we do that?


;;; I never lost anything, I was more of a hider!

02.06.079

p with the plan... Maybe it's down the well somewhere? [Turns to Orlya?] You know where this thing is, big blue?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.06.080

Orlya?: How dare you address me like that, mortal!

02.06.081

Orlya?! Might you, in your vast and indeed infinite wisdom, enlighten us humble mortals as to the whereabouts of the item in question? [Struggles t= o keep a straight face.] =0A=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.06.082

mortals as to the whereabouts of the item in question? [Struggles >to keep a straight face.]

Harvey : [To Clint] Steady on, private! The smell of bull manure rarely blends well with the stench of rotting corpses!

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02.06.083

Orlya?: [Puts a hand to her forehead, as though looking for something] I sense that the item in question is... hidden.

02.06.084

Harvey : By the saints, your powers are truly awe inspiring!

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02.06.085

Charlie: [To Orlya?] Do go and have a rest. I think you've strained yourself. We have important work to do, you know.

02.06.086

Orlya?: I will go and take a rest, not because you say it, but because it suits me. [Looks around, before settling into a doorway and curling up]

Alice: Er, so anyway, how do we go about finding a thing that no one remembers seeing, can't describe and don't know where it's been, or even what it is, for that matter?

02.06.087

Charlie: [Sighs] Perhaps we don't. I fear that we can only keep investigating and hope a clearer picture begins to emerge soon. [Looks down into the well doubtfully] I don't suppose we should try climbing down into this?

02.06.088

Harvey : [Scratches at his sideburn, looking at Orlya?] You know troop, it's quite possible that the thing that no one remembers, is itself, unable to= remember what it is! [Points to Orlya?]

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02.06.089

Alice: Oh, god, I hope not. This is very frustrating, especially given that we forgot more than everyone else! [Thoughtfully] I wonder why that happened.

02.06.090

Harvey : [Darkly] Well, I certainly know why I don't wish to remember the events of the last few days!

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02.06.091

Charlie: I should think you would want to be quite clear on the reasons you apparently murdered a young girl!

02.06.092

Alice: Whatever made him do it, it was clearly from these freaks, and was to make Clementine corporeal. What we need to figure out is what became corporeal instead, and where the hell it could be.

02.06.093

Harvey : [To Charlie] I said I don't want to remember it, not that I don't want to understand it.

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02.06.094

Charlie: Yes, we must all learn to understand your actions! I suspect your theory that our proximity to this event is what caused our memory loss to be more significant than the rest of the populace, and so we surely must have been nearby when you performed this dreadful deed. Why didn't we stop you? Were we too late? Or did we disagree with you at all? Indeed, we may well have aided you!

02.06.095

Alice: Huh! [Clicks her fingers at Charlie's words] I bet that's it. We lost more time than anyone because we were very close by. So, where ever we were when we woke up is close by?

02.06.095

Fred: It is certainly a probable conclusion, but brings us no nearer to ascertaining what we did awake. I volunteer Dur to search the well.

02.06.096

Alice: Oh, come on, Fred, at the rate he eats decomposing flesh we'll be here all day! Besides, we didn't wake up here, did we?

02.06.097

Fred: Hrm. Very well then. I'm leery of following an idea of Alice's, but I suppose we have no better leads just yet. Let's go back to where we started, then.

02.06.098

Alice: [Smiles] Aw! Thanks Fred! [Whispers to Charlie] Leery means something good, right?

[Exit the party, towards the Magic Boxxxe.]

Orlya?: [Waking up] They are gone. Perhaps vaporized by my mighty power.


;;; End of scene, next one coming right up

02.07.001

[Book VII, Act II, Scene VII. The Magic Boxxxe. ALICE, CHARLIE, CLINT, DUR, HARVEY and FRED are here, having just arrived in. LEMON and ORANGE JELLO are here, arm wrestling at the counter. LEMON (the wife) looks up and sees the party.]

Lemon: Aw no!

[ORANGE slams LEMON's arm down on the counter.]

Orange: Woo! The winner! The champion, dethroned.

Lemon: That's not fair! I was distracted! [To the party] What the hell do you people want now?

02.07.002

Fred: We're looking for some answers! [Pauses] Again! [Another pause.] Until we... ah... [Trails off and looks at the others in the party for help.]

02.07.003

Alice: [Stands beside Fred] Until we get them!

Lemon: Okay. Answers to what?

02.07.004

Charlie: Could you tell us more about the Orb of Generomentis? You say it can conjure up things that previously existed only in the imagination? Would that be in the specific imagination of the one who uses it?

02.07.005

Lemon: Typically yes, but if someone really did use all the orbs that were taken from here, there would have to be someone controlling them all, and it's something from their imagination, rather than that of the people with the orbs. That said, it would take an enormous release of power to make it happen, something really big.

02.07.006

Harvey : Such as a ceremony involving the murder of a child?

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02.07.007

Lemon: [Taken aback] Yikes! [Considers this for a moment] Well, if it was done in a place with a bad enough aura, and by someone the child trusted, then yes, I guess it would.The energy released by it would probably give whoever controlled the orbs a shot at it. One way you could be sure if something was made corporeal would be if you found an orb -- if it's broken, then it worked.

02.07.008

Fred: Someone she trusted? [To Harvey] That's *ice*, Colonel. I don't know whether you disgust or inspire me.

02.07.009

Dur: What would happen if we pieced the orb back together?

02.07.009

Alice: And the thing that was made corporeal, where would that appear?

Lemon: Probably at the centre of where all the orbs were. They were probably aligned in a pentagram shape, with some sort of centre of magic in the middle. That's where the thing would appear.

02.07.010

Lemon: You'd probably have a fairly badly constructed paper weight.

02.07.011

Harvey : I see. Is there a way to identify what magic was used, or what spell was cast, or what the effects of that spell could be? Does a spell that = enormous leave some sort of echo?

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02.07.012

Lemon: They really only do one thing, which is to make something corporeal. The best way to figure out what the effects were would be to go to the centre of the pentagram. Of course, you could also just ask around and see if anyone saw someone or something just appear out of nowhere. That's not the kind of thing you easily forget!

02.07.013

ects were=0A> would be=0A> to go to the centre of the pentagram. Of course,you could=0A> also just=0A> ask around and see if anyone saw someone or so= mething just=0A> appear out=0A> of nowhere. That's not the kind of thing you easily=0A> forget!=0A=0AClint: Saaaay, there wouldn't happen to be any ce= ntres of magic around here, would there? Say, the well or something? Or Doc, is there some way you could find us another paperweight, maybe?=0A=0A= =0A=0A

02.07.014

Lemon: Centres of magic? Like, uh, a magic shop, maybe? Sure! There's this magic shop!

02.07.015

Charlie: [To Lemon] How splendid! I don't suppose you've noticed anyone new around, have you?

02.07.016

Harvey : Apart from us, that is.

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02.07.016

Lemon: Just you lot. [Suddenly realises what Charlie is getting at, and laughs] Oh, please, if something or someone was made corporeal by those orbs, I'm sure we would have noticed it!

Alice: Maybe you did and forgot it? Hey look! The floor has a pentagram on it!

Lemon: Of course it does. It's a carpet we got specially made. We're a magic shop, people expect that kind of thing.

02.07.017

Alice: Surely if something appeared that Jerome and Clementine wanted everyone to forget, it would leave a trail? Hey, can anyone else hear that?

[Everyone goes quiet for a moment, and can hear a faint knocking.]

Lemon: Yeah, that's very annoying, isn't it? We only noticed it today for the first time. I can't remember when it started, but we can't track down what it is.

02.07.017

made corporeal by=0A> those orbs, I'm sure we would have noticed it!=0A> =0A> Alice: Maybe you did and forgot it? Hey look! The floor has=0A> a pent= agram on it!=0A> =0A> Lemon: Of course it does. It's a carpet we got specially made. We're a=0A> magic shop, people expect that kind of thing.=0A=0ACl= int: Maybe we should go look for the other corners of the pentagram and then come back and search for the center some other time when there won't be a= ny distractions?=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.07.018

Harvey : Well where the blue blazes is it coming from? [Attempts to locate the source of the knocking]

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02.07.019

[Everyone goes quiet, listening to where it's coming from.]

Alice: Is-

All: Sh!

Alice: Hey! I was just going to say it might be coming from the basement.

Lemon: Impossible. We don't have a basement.

Alice: So where do you keep all your extra stock?

Lemon: You know, we were just talking about that a while ago. We can't find any of our unsold stock for reshelving, and don't know where we would have put it.

02.07.020

Alice: Hey! I was just going to say it might be coming from=0A> the basement.=0A> =0A> Lemon: Impossible. We don't have a basement.=0A> =0A> Alice: S= o where do you keep all your extra stock?=0A> =0A> Lemon: You know, we werejust talking about that a while ago. We can't=0A> find any of our unsold s= tock for reshelving, and don't know where we=0A> would have put it.=0A=0AClint: [Enthused] Hey, let's ransack the place!=0A=0A=0A=0A

02.07.021

Lemon: No! At least, not until we find all our stock!

02.07.022

Dur: [Points to a door] So you're telling me that this door does not lead to a basement? [Dur saunters over and tries to open the door.]

02.07.023

Lemon: [Genuinely looks shocked] Hey! I never saw that door before! Orange? Did you know that door was there?

Orange: [Similarly shocked] No! But it certainly sounds like the banging is coming from behind it!

[There is a huge bar across the door.]

Lemon: How on earth could we forget that we had a basement?

02.07.024

Charlie: [To the party] Help me lift this, group! [Tries to raise the bar]

02.07.025

Alice: Hang on, Charlie! Maybe whatever Jerome conjured up by accident is down there? Surely that's why these guys forgot they had a basement? Unless they're idiots, of course. [To Orange and Lemon] Are you idiots?

Lemon: He is, I'm not.

Alice: [To Charlie] See?

[The banging on the door gets louder.]

Alice: [Draws her sword] Let's get our weapons ready, at least!

02.07.026

Fred: Or we could just ask- no, wait. I prefer violence. [Draws his axe in one hand and helps Charlie lift the bar with the other.]

02.07.027

Harvey : [Draws his sword] Stand behind me, dearest niece!

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02.07.028

Alice: No way! I want to help kill whatever it is!

[FRED and CHARLIE lift the bar, while the party gather around, weapons drawn, while ORANGE and LEMON hide behind the counter.]

Alice: Come on, let's see it, let's see what was so awful that Jerome wanted everyone to forget it!

[Creaaaak. The door slowly opens. There, standing at the top of the steps wearing some skin tight leather pants and a t-shirt with a picture of a chicken being choked by a large hand is none other than AUSTIN SLEAZE.]

Austin: [Sighs and checks his nails] I need a suit, stat.


;;; End of Book VII, Act II. Next one coming up tomorrow.

;;;

;;; Notice that there's a new player on the list. An old enemy has

come back to haunt us.

;;; Welcome back Dom!